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00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,421
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
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00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,342
Hey, Sam. Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop at the drugstore.
3
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,385
- That's okay, Woody.
- Yeah.
4
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,305
I had to make another
embarrassing trip to the drugstore
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00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,098
to get a little, uh...
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- Protection?
- Yeah.
7
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,896
You know, Kelly and I
want to have a family and all,
8
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,815
but we figured we'd wait
until after that raise you promised.
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00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,276
I hope you got a lot of protection.
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00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:30,072
Well, as usual, you know,
I'm a little embarrassed and nervous
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00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:33,116
when I go in there,
so I buy a whole bunch of stuff
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00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:36,161
so it doesn't look like
I'm just trying to getting some, you know.
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00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,915
- Protection.
- Yeah, so I got some paper plates,
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batteries, flashbulbs,
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Skoal,
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00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:47,839
a little gum,
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00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,925
Chia Pet,
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00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,137
oh, eyeglass repair kit...
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00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,847
Yeah.
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Oh! Notebook paper,
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and VO5.
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00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:05,065
Where's the, uh...
Where's the protection?
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00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,030
See you in about an hour, Sam.
24
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:27,731
Hey, Ma.
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00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,191
Hey, look who's here.
26
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,776
Serafina!
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00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,153
- What are you doing here?
- I need to talk to you.
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You're pregnant.
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00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,741
Carla, that is a rude
and unfair thing to say.
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00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,160
There's a million reasons
why your daughter would want to talk to you.
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00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,370
I am pregnant.
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Then again, you raised a slut.
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Sit down. Sit down.
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00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,672
Oh, God. First of all,
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00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,383
are you getting sick
in the mornings?
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00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:58,220
A little bit, but I haven't had to "Clavin,'
if that's what you mean.
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00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,557
And to answer
your next question,
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00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,601
no, it wasn't planned.
39
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,311
Oh, Serafina.
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00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,731
I have been praying
that this day wouldn't come,
41
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,818
but I can't say I'm all that surprised.
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00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,445
In fact, I have this little speech
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00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:19,032
I've been carrying around
in case it did happen.
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00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:28,583
"Dear Serafina,
soon you will be 14
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00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,460
and able to think for yourself."
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00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,045
Mom...
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00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:33,672
I'm 18.
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00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:35,757
That's right. You are.
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00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,342
None of this applies.
50
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,136
Jeez.
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00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,596
So do you know who the father is?
52
00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:42,848
Yes.
53
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,101
Oh, honey, I'm so proud.
54
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:50,063
It's Pat McDougall,
the guy I've been going with.
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00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,107
Isn't he that retired cop
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00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:56,570
- who's just living off his disability?
- That's right. And now he wants to marry me.
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00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,072
- Do you love him?
- Yes.
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00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,449
Then don't marry him.
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00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,033
What?
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00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,078
The worst thing you can do, Serafina,
is marry for love.
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00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,165
You know, when I first met
your deadbeat father Nick,
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00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,167
I loved him, too.
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00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,378
Even when he knocked up
my sister, I said,
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00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,924
I said, "Hey, look. The guy is just trying
to get in good
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00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,718
with the family at my wedding."
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00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,138
But for the next ten years,
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00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:27,225
all he did was cheat on me, treat me like dirt,
and keep me in maternity clothes.
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00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,936
Mom, it's not like that.
Pat's a good man.
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00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,106
He loves me and I love him
and we want to build a life for our baby.
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00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,108
Please, give us your blessing.
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00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:40,864
Well, you're not going
to get that alimony by staying single.
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00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,116
Mom, you're the best!
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00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:45,327
Hey, my daughter's
getting married!
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00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:51,917
This will be interesting.
Finally a wedding where I don't envy the bride.
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00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:58,340
Thanks, Ma. You won't regret this. And listen,
Pat and I are going to pay for the whole thing.
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00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:01,760
Oh, no, no, no. You are my daughter
and you're in love,
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00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,179
and I'm going to make you
the best reception I can.
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00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,597
We're pulling out all the stops.
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00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:09,434
You know, there is an elegant,
tasteful restaurant upstairs,
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00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,395
and as luck would have it,
I am boinking the owner.
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00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,359
Hey, Hill. It's Carla.
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00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,736
Come on down here, we got to talk.
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00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,863
Hey, what are you doing?
Come on.
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00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,449
You don't have to have it up there.
Have it down here at Cheers.
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00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:28,370
Oh, no, no. We can have the reception here,
but we got to have the ceremony upstairs.
86
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:32,374
- Why?
- Every wedding we have at Cheers is a disaster.
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00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,919
Remember, you and Diane?
This place is jinxed.
88
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,171
No, it's not.
You're just thinking of the bad ones.
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00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,549
What about Barry and Joanne?
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00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:44,302
Barry, come here. Barry, how's it going
with you and Joanne?
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00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,514
Where have you been,
in a cave?
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00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,439
All right, Ms. Tortelli, just what is it?
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00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,901
My daughter Serafina
has just announced she's getting married.
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00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,113
Congratulations.
When's the baby due?
95
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,621
Here I come, mom. Get ready.
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00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:15,417
What do you think?
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00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,504
Hey, that's great, Serafina.
You look great.
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00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,257
Kind of sleazy
for a wedding outfit.
99
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,302
Sam, that was
my wedding dress.
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00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:31,308
When I say sleazy, I mean sleazy
in a beautiful young bride kind of way.
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00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,272
Carla, is that Cap'n Gus and his polka pirates?
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00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,817
It's my daughter's wedding,
isn't it?
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00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:47,198
Ah, Ms. Tortelli, there you are.
An hour behind schedule, I see.
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00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:50,785
You're as prompt as you are lovely.
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00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,955
And what do you want, Hill?
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Oh, by the way,
you have your toupee on wrong.
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The hair goes on the outside.
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Ms. Tortelli,
I'm here to remind you
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00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:04,132
that this wedding must be over
by 11:30 on the dot,
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00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:07,385
- that's when I open for lunch.
- You open for lunch at noon.
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00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:10,263
I know your family. They leave at 11:30,
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00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,933
at 11:31 the Orkin Man arrives.
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00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,688
And please also remind your guests
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00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,441
That even though this is a wedding,
it is still a restaurant.
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No shoes, no shirts,
no service.
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00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,197
Hi, everybody.
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00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:28,782
Hey, Kelly.
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00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,743
I'll go put this on the gift table,
Woody.
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00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,871
Hey, Woody, what did you get
for the happy couple?
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00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:38,416
Uh, well, strictly
between you and me...
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00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,876
I went up in the attic,
122
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,295
dug up one of our wedding gifts.
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One of the ugliest things I ever saw.
We couldn't wait to get rid of it.
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Ah, yeah, so you just thought
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00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:51,763
you'd pass it on to the happy couple, huh?
Good thinkin'.
126
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:52,764
So what is it?
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00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,684
Oh, a set of Star Trek steak knives.
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00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,686
Woody!
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00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,479
Damn it, that gift was
from Lilith and Me!
130
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:05,068
They're delightfully whimsical
and very utilitarian.
131
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,071
I-I'm sorry, Dr. Crane. I didn't realize.
132
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,699
Well, all right, Woody,
to tell you the truth,
133
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,493
I was doing
the same thing you were doing.
134
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:17,998
Fobbing off a gift that we thought
was the worst thing we ever got.
135
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,209
Thanks a lot, Frase.
That was from Vera and me.
136
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,381
You and Vera gave
those away?
137
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,049
You'd better not tell Ma!
138
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,137
Hey there. Remember me?
139
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,931
Yes, I do. You're Carla's son Gino.
140
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,727
And I did not appreciate
the nude photos of yourself that you sent.
141
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:43,314
You know, it's the best I could do
with the machine at the mall.
142
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,361
Gino, would you forget about it?
143
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,239
I am not going to go out with you.
You're much too young for me.
144
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:54,701
Yeah, right.
Coo-coo-cachoo, Miss Howe.
145
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,663
Thanks for everything, Ma.
146
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,124
Oh, honey. You know, I got to admit
147
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,543
that I wasn't too crazy about this at first,
148
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:07,422
but after spending this last week
getting the wedding ready
149
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,965
and being with you and everything,
150
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,968
I gotta say, it's been
the best week of my life.
151
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,094
Me, too.
152
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,849
Am I on time
for the nuptials?
153
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,813
Daddy!
154
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:24,647
Nick.
155
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,275
Oh, my little girl,
you look so beautiful!
156
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,821
Are those implants?
157
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,586
Carla, it's been a fortnight.
158
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,924
You coloring your hair?
159
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,009
I cannot believe this.
160
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,386
What else could possibly go wrong?
161
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:58,431
Hi, gang at Cheers.
162
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,476
Sorry I'm late,
but I had to park the car,
163
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,646
and then I had to walk
from the car to here.
164
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,900
How did you find out
about this?
165
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,527
My cousin Eddie called me.
166
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,570
He told me he read it
in the paper,
167
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,989
so I figured my invitation got
lost in the mail.
168
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,617
Daddy, I'm so glad you're here.
169
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,410
I can't wait
for you to meet my fiancé.
170
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,787
Stay right here,
I'll bring him down.
171
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,122
Hey, Nick.
172
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,414
Hey, Sam!
173
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,334
Hey! You are not welcome here.
174
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:28,670
Now you just do us
all a favor and leave, okay?
175
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,255
You have no right to be here.
176
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:31,589
I have a right to be here.
177
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,007
I am the father
of the bride.
178
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:36,886
I have a responsibility
to give away the hand of the betrothed.
179
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,014
It's what's called "loin entitlement."
180
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,936
You smelly little wart.
181
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:48,606
See, Kelly? We're not the only couple
who has cute little nicknames for each other.
182
00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:53,736
Carla, I have to be
honest with you.
183
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,238
When I heard
about this wedding,
184
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,574
I was very hurt that
you excluded us.
185
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:01,995
After all, a marriage is a time
for forgiveness and healing.
186
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,372
We drove 22 hours
to get here.
187
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,541
We even bought
a beautiful present.
188
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,546
It's a set of Star Trek steak knives.
189
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,176
Anyway, I have
a right to be here.
190
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,844
I'm going to stay.
191
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,472
Yeah? You can just drive 22 hours back.
192
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,184
Oh, come on, Carla.
It took him so long to get here.
193
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,269
And, you know, he is her father.
194
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,189
Oh, fine. Fine.
195
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,649
You want Nick to be
at my daughter's wedding?
196
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,861
Well, you can have him.
Just have a great time!
197
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,821
Oh, come on, Carla.
198
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,824
Ah, women, women.
Isn't it enough we sleep with them?
199
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:47,832
So, uh...
200
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,419
Nick, what have
you been up to lately, huh?
201
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:55,048
All, well, we still live
in the glamorous environs of Las Vegas,
202
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,008
although we recently did move.
203
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,676
We didn't like
our old neighborhood,
204
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:02,180
so we just drove our house
to a better one.
205
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,267
Yeah, well, uh...
so how's the career going, Nick?
206
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,727
You know, last time
we chatted,
207
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,729
you were talking about marketing
some kind of...
208
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,481
slot machine for the home.
209
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,233
Oh, yeah.
"Flush and win."
210
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,611
It was a great idea.
The only problem is,
211
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,322
the people had a difficult time
retrieving their change.
212
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,118
Yeah, but I'm onto
something very big now.
213
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,247
And this is an opportunity
for me to include you, my friends,
214
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,998
in this future affluence.
215
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,251
Well, you know how
I hate to be apart from Vera.
216
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,794
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
217
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,712
Hear me out.
218
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,423
I know I've had some
crazy schemes in the past,
219
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:40,134
but this is then and that was then
and this is now.
220
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,181
This is completely legit.
221
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,308
I have an opportunity
222
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:51,479
to purchase an orangutan act.
223
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,651
Did he say purchase,
or join?
224
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,238
I just need a couple
of backers!
225
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,281
Hear this!
226
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:05,159
Three apes, some banana oil,
227
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,247
and a broad that's had all her shots.
228
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,043
Nicky, we missed you, lad.
229
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,295
Say, uh, Nick...
230
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:18,840
You want somebody to invest
in that act of yours in Vegas,
231
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:21,259
you ought to go talk
to blondie over there.
232
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:22,427
Yeah, she's loaded.
233
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:27,307
Thank you.
Listen, you come to Vegas, you're comped.
234
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,353
Excuse me, young man.
235
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,650
Hello, Miss.
236
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,736
I'm Nick Tortelli.
237
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,529
Hello, I'm Kelly Boyd.
238
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:44,198
I can tell by, uh, your gander
239
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:47,452
that you have, uh,
taste and discernment.
240
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:48,619
Thank you.
241
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,496
Knock, knock.
242
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,207
Who's there?
243
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,667
Opportunity.
244
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,713
Opportunity who?
245
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,341
This is going
to take some time.
246
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,308
People, people, it's getting late.
247
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:14,062
Now, nobody admires the sight
of a beautiful young bride more than I,
248
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,481
but the lunch rush
is the lunch rush.
249
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,776
Say, John, I'd bet you'd like to meet
Carla's first husband.
250
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,694
Oh, my God!
251
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,868
Nice to meet you.
252
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,038
Please. My profession
requires that I handle food.
253
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,085
Daddy...
254
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,588
This is my fiancé, Pat.
255
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,131
Nice to meet you, sir.
256
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,967
Enough of the chitchat.
step into my office.
257
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:50,515
How do you propose to,
uh, support my progeny?
258
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,142
Well, I'm a retired police officer
259
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,436
and currently living off disability.
260
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,230
What is the nature of your injury?
261
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,731
Whiplash.
262
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,526
Very good.
difficult to disprove.
263
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,612
You're very bright.
264
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,072
Thank you, sir.
265
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,615
Bright enough to invest?
266
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:08,616
Pardon me?
267
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:11,244
Bright enough
to place your future
268
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,829
and the future of your entire progeny...
269
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,540
In an orangutan act?
270
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:21,129
Come on, Carla,
don't do this.
271
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,713
He has no right
to be here.
272
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,508
I raised those kids. He just split.
273
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:26,884
Yeah, I know that.
274
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,761
I made
all the sacrifices.
275
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,930
I had to bear all the burden.
He did nothing.
276
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,056
Nothing.
277
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,308
Well, what are you gonna do, you know?
The guy's here.
278
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,518
Oh!
279
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:39,147
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
280
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,232
Sam...
281
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,235
Those kids are all I got, okay?
282
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,071
- I know.
- They're all that matters to me.
283
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:50,450
He doesn't care about that.
He doesn't care who he hurts.
284
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,704
Sam, Sam, could you
hurry it up a bit?
285
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:58,458
Cap'n Gus has just played
the Polka version of Hava Nagila.
286
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,251
He's managed to insult two cultures.
287
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,921
I'm not doing
any good here.
288
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:06,632
- Please, talk to her, will you?
- All right, Sam. Uh...
289
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,761
Carla, look, I know
what you're going through.
290
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:13,264
I mean, you've sacrificed your whole
life for your kids.
291
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:16,767
And now on the big day,
Nick swoops in and tries to hog all the glory.
292
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,269
Look, it happens all the time.
293
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:21,439
One parent uses the child as leverage
against the other.
294
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,316
- Really, Doc?
- Oh, yes, yes.
295
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,859
Often in a broken marriage,
296
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,403
the child becomes
nothing more than a helpless pawn
297
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,780
in the war
between the two adults.
298
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:33,075
Of course, that hasn't happened
with Lilith and myself because she's gone,
299
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,118
but, uh...
300
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,120
She'll be back.
301
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,417
Oh, I know she'll be back.
You know why?
302
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,044
'Cause I have Frederick.
303
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:46,714
Yes, sir.
He's my little trump card.
304
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,050
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.
305
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,302
He is, you know.
I have a plan.
306
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,433
- You're Nick, right?
- Yes.
307
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,478
I'm Rebecca Howe.
I work here in the bar with Carla.
308
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:03,147
And I just want to say,
you must be very proud.
309
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,608
- Oh, I'm proud.
- Yeah.
310
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:09,737
And, you know, the last thing that
I would want to do is introduce a dark note,
311
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,907
but if you don't get your hand off my butt,
you're going to lose it.
312
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,495
Sammy, how'd it go in there?
313
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:20,248
Oh, not good.
She refuses to come out. I don't know.
314
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,583
Don't worry about it, Sam.
I'll handle it.
315
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,127
Carla at times
can be very obdurate.
316
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,757
She also can be
very recalcitrant...
317
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:31,759
intransigent...
318
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,136
and immovable.
319
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:39,225
Nicky got one of those
word-a-day calendars.
320
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:43,104
We played word games
all the way from Las Vegas.
321
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,564
I'm insipid.
322
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,402
Carla.
323
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,571
Go home, Nick.
You don't deserve to be here.
324
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,407
Carla, listen, I understand
your feelings very well.
325
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,243
I know some people
probably thought I was a bad father,
326
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,829
and maybe I was and maybe I wasn't.
And maybe I was!
327
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:02,748
I speak to you
328
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,084
from the bottom
of my heart and guts,
329
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,336
that these last few years
without family
330
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,463
has been very empty for me.
331
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,258
All I've had is Loretta.
No offense.
332
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,551
None taken.
333
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:19,557
I've come to learn that the most important
thing is family.
334
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,977
Yeah, I know I come at this late date
for Serafina's wedding,
335
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:27,732
but I thought it would be a first step
in realigning myself with my offspring,
336
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,484
and then becoming
truly a paternity figure.
337
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,863
So you want to be
a father?
338
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:36,532
You want to get
back in your kids' lives, huh?
339
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,992
Absolutely.
340
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:39,410
Come on over here.
341
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:40,578
Let's go.
342
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,499
Over here we have...
343
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,335
Ten kids.
344
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,961
Some of them are yours.
345
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:53,424
Identity three and you can stay.
346
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,593
Otherwise, you're out of here.
347
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,386
Is this a test?
348
00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,680
You are stalling.
349
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,683
Ah... give me some time
to gather my momentum.
350
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,729
So, Miss Howe, we got five minutes.
You want to tear one off?
351
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,189
That's mine!
352
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,987
Okay, that's one.
353
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,835
Hugo, my beloved!
354
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,337
Hugo!
355
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,297
Sorry, Nick.
that's not your kid.
356
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,050
You know, you people
could help me.
357
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:41,055
I wouldn't be much good.
I thought your last selection was correct.
358
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:45,142
I think it's about time.
Let's start the ceremony.
359
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,560
Oh, that's Serafina.
she's one of mine.
360
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,980
Ah, forget it, Nick.
Let's face it. You can't do this.
361
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:52,900
Loretta.
362
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:56,362
Hit the road. Go on, kids,
go on upstairs, get ready for the ceremony.
363
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:59,115
- Come on, let's go.
- What's happening?
364
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,659
Your mother doesn't feel I belong here.
365
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,327
She says I'm unwelcome.
366
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,039
Mother! You can't send Daddy away
367
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,291
on the most important day of my life.
368
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,751
Listen, Serafina,
you gotta understand--
369
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,378
No, this is not about you.
370
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:16,549
It's about me,
my wedding, my day.
371
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,217
Have a nice life, baby.
372
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,511
Wait one minute, Daddy.
373
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:25,182
Look, Ma, I know all the things
you've done for me.
374
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:29,562
I know you don't like Daddy,
but like him or not, but he is my dad.
375
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,689
I know he's been
a bad father.
376
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,899
Never around
when you need him,
377
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:37,695
a louse, a jerk, a liar...
378
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,321
a deadbeat.
379
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:40,448
You tell her, honey.
380
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:46,245
But all my life,
I've always pictured that someday
381
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:49,665
I would walk down the aisle
on my father's arm,
382
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:52,126
just like any other girl.
383
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:55,629
Not like any every
other girl, Serafina.
384
00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:58,090
My father wasn't there
to give me away.
385
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,800
And how did that
make you feel, Ma?
386
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,263
Pretty rotten.
387
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:07,767
Sayonara, Serafina.
388
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,226
Aw, wait, Nick.
389
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,395
So you can stay.
390
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,813
Really?
391
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:13,856
Thanks, Ma.
392
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,775
Look, you, listen.
393
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,986
You do anything to ruin
my lovely daughter's wedding,
394
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:22,072
and I will choke you
until your eyes bug out.
395
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,493
Just like The Waltons.
396
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:31,999
What are you doing
the rest of your life?
397
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:35,711
The North and South
and East and West of your life...
398
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,634
Carla,
that's our kid out there.
399
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:45,429
She's pregnant,
and she's married to a retired cop.
400
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,348
We must've done
something right.
401
00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:51,143
Yeah. Maybe our other kids
will turn out okay, too.
402
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,896
Yeah, it's my most
fervent wish.
403
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,024
Cheers.
404
00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:00,236
Oh. Just a second.
Mr. Tortelli, it's for you.
405
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:01,237
For me?
406
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:03,531
Hello?
407
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:05,616
What!
408
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,495
What? When?
409
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,247
A-a-a-all right!
I'll be on it!
410
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,040
Loretta, let's go!
411
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,750
What's the matter?
412
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,544
One of the orangutans
went nuts and bit a kid.
413
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:19,338
I gotta rush to Vegas
before they put him to sleep.
414
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,881
The orangutan
or the kid?
415
00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:21,966
I didn't ask!
416
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,346
Thanks again for
everything, Mommy.
417
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,931
I'm happy.
418
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,015
Serafina...
419
00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:32,226
I really want to apologize
420
00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,854
for the way I acted
this afternoon.
421
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:38,482
And I promise I'll
be on my best behavior
422
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,025
at your next wedding.
423
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:42,486
Aw, Ma!