1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,046
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,259
Oh! What's the rush, man?
3
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,844
I almost forgot. It's 6:00.
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,471
Today's my 15th wedding anniversary.
5
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,306
You're going out
and buying Vera a present
6
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,599
before the stores close?
7
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:20,145
Happy anniversary, honey!
8
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,232
Sorry, Sammy. You were saying?
9
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,824
Okay, fellas, let's call it a night.
10
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Boy, that's the longest day of my life.
11
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:16,994
Yeah? Why so tired, Sammy?
12
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,870
Oh, I didn't get
a wink of sleep last night.
13
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Ooh! All right!
14
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,791
No. Give me a break, will you?
15
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Not everything I do in my life
has to do with sex.
16
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Sure, it does, Sammy.
17
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,964
Come on. Give us the details.
18
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:33,051
Well, I had silverfish
all over my apartment last night.
19
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Ooh! Silverfish.
20
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Spent the whole night
21
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rollin' up newspapers and swattin' them.
22
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Oh! Kinky!
23
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It got so bad there for a while,
24
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I started rubbing ammonia
on the baseboard.
25
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Sammy, I don't know what that means,
26
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but does she have a sister?
27
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,239
Hey, guys, I'm serious, man.
28
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I got a real problem with insects
in my place.
29
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As a matter of fact,
30
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they're tenting the whole building,
you know,
31
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and fumigating it for, like, 24 hours.
32
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Ouch. Where you gonna sleep?
33
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I happen to be spending the night
with a very close friend of mine.
34
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,422
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
35
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,841
Sam, you don't have to spend the night
with one of your bimbos.
36
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You can come over to my house.
I have a foldout couch.
37
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Awoo!
38
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Yes. As nice as that offer sounds,
39
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the alternative is
40
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to spend the night with a stewardess
41
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who's offered to bump me up
to first-class.
42
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Ooh! Whoo!
43
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,608
Hey, I had a stew once
44
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I used to go out with.
45
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Boy, was she wild in the sack.
46
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What airline?
47
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Shut up.
48
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,368
Well, Sam, if you change your mind,
49
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,078
you do have a place to stay.
50
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,413
Yeah. With all due respect,
51
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,207
we're not talkin' about your love life.
52
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,875
We're talkin' about my love life.
53
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:49,378
It will work out for Sammy.
54
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:51,755
If your ego needs a place to stay,
55
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give me a call.
56
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,092
Of course it'll work out.
57
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It's a stew, isn't it?
58
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Boy, don't I know.
59
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How do you know?
60
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,847
Shut up!
61
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,352
Hey, Wood, come on.
I'll walk you to your car.
62
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,395
Good night, Sam.
63
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,854
Good night, Woody.
64
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,023
Oh, hey...
Listen, Sam,
65
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,317
don't worry about that bug killer stuff.
66
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They say to stay out for 24 hours,
67
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,114
but that's just overcautious.
68
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,490
They sprayed my buildin' once.
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00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,991
I went right back in.
70
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,745
Okay. Let's go.
71
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,623
Oh, by the way, Sam, listen,
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00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,041
I was meanin' to tell you,
73
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don't worry about
that bug killer stuff.
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00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,920
They tell you to stay out for 24 hours.
75
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That's just overcautious.
76
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They sprayed my building once.
I went right back in.
77
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,302
Okay, guys, come on. Let's go.
78
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,722
All right, Sammy. Good night.
79
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,433
Hey, good luck
with that stewardess, huh?
80
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:47,436
Swat a few silverfish for me.
81
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,730
Cliff ie, you just don't get it, do you?
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No.
83
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Oh, yes.
84
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Ba ba ba
85
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Hold on.
86
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,096
Here we are.
87
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,431
Hi, Sam.
88
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,976
Look at you. You wore your uniform.
89
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,227
What do you say
90
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,104
we lock ourselves in the bathroom
91
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,106
and relive our first meeting?
92
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,691
Oh, I'd love to, Sam,
93
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,443
but I just stopped by to tell you
94
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,278
I gotta be on a plane in 45 minutes.
95
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No! Aw.
96
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,740
Well, heck.
97
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,117
Well, 45 minutes.
That gives us plenty of time
98
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,578
to relive our first meeting.
What do you say?
99
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:47,954
No, no, no. I've got to go.
100
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,498
That airport's a zoo.
101
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,541
50,000 Shriners are coming in
for a convention.
102
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,544
Why don't they stay
in their own country, huh?
103
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,965
Oh.
104
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,259
Oh. Yeah. Sorry. You just gotta...
105
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,511
There you go.
106
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:03,970
Good night.
107
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,264
- Thanks. See you when I get back.
- Yeah. You bet.
108
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:10,268
Shoot, shoot. Well...
109
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:11,937
Oh. Oh. Oh. Wait. Wait.
110
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,314
Oh! Say, Julie!
111
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,524
Julie?
112
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,443
Honey, listen, I need a place to stay.
Julie!
113
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,872
Oh, no.
114
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,255
Believe me, honey,
you were wise to stay home.
115
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,632
This town is nothing
compared to Cincinnati.
116
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:46,054
Yeah, I just... stayed in my hotel room,
watched CNN.
117
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I don't watch movies like that.
You know that.
118
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Excuse me. I gotta use the phone.
119
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I locked myself out of my bar.
120
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,605
I gotta call my waitress to get the keys.
121
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,065
So could you hurry up, please?
122
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,276
Hey, look, I gotta run.
123
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,862
Honey, you know I wanted to bring you,
124
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,447
but none of the guys brought their wives.
125
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Don't start. Don't start.
126
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:09,035
You're starting again.
127
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,495
Don't start.
128
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,330
Once she gets started...
129
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,209
Yes. What?
130
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,544
Yes, dear.
131
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,052
Carla?
132
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,554
Carla!
133
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,101
Oh.
134
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,603
I'm sorry, Hill.
135
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:35,604
I didn't know
you were gonna be here.
136
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,022
And now you do.
137
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,481
Oh, hold on.
138
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:39,858
Come on, hey! Let me in, will you?
139
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,651
I locked myself out of the bar.
140
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,528
I need to borrow Carla's keys.
141
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,863
Fine.
142
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,489
Carla!
143
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,491
Sam's here.
144
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,368
Hey, you know...
145
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,371
I could borrow your keys to Melville's.
146
00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,415
Yes, you could. Carla!
147
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,419
Hey.
148
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,962
Hey. What's up, Sammy?
149
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,756
Well, I...
150
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,299
My date didn't turn out.
151
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:05,842
And I locked myself out of the bar.
152
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,385
So I need to borrow your keys.
153
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,678
You had my set.
154
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,931
No, I don't. Yeah, remember?
Woody lost his,
155
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,141
so you gave him yours
and then you took mine.
156
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,226
And then you lost yours again.
157
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,103
I do hope you haven't sold
the movie rights
158
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,523
to this fascinating story.
159
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,276
Hey, why don't you go over
to Rebecca's?
160
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,154
- I mean, she offered, right?
- No, no, no. I said some stuff
161
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,198
I don't want her to throw back in my face.
162
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,824
Well...
163
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,118
Guess you could stay here for the night.
164
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,955
Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thanks.
165
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,247
Look, Sammy.
166
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,415
What?
167
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,792
No matter what you hear,
168
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,502
no matter how much I scream
169
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:41,920
or call for help,
170
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,297
do not open the bedroom door. Got it?
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00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,841
Ditto for me, too, Sam.
172
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,093
No, no, no.
173
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,844
Listen, maybe...
174
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,180
I tell you what, I know a guy.
He's got a hotel near--
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00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,182
Fabulous idea.
176
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,229
Good night, Sam.
177
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,946
No. We have no rooms.
178
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,281
Every hotel is full.
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00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,742
There's a Shriners convention in town.
180
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,078
I... Stop bothering me!
181
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,455
If I have to deal with one more idiot,
182
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:18,873
tonight I'm gonna strangle him.
183
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,835
How may I help you, sir?
184
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,421
Hi. Steve workin' tonight?
185
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,964
Steve? No.
186
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,924
Steve hasn't worked here
for the last six months.
187
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,677
He was unreliable.
188
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,971
Is there anything I could help you with?
189
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,305
Yeah...
190
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:38,101
This is pretty funny, Mario.
191
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,853
You're gonna get a big kick out of this.
192
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,230
See, I left my...
193
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,024
Left my wallet in my place of business,
194
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,109
and I don't have any credit card
195
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,319
or money or, for that matter,
196
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,363
any identification at all.
197
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,284
That's funny stuff, sir.
198
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,246
Look, the point is,
199
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,831
I'm gonna need a room,
200
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,000
and I can't pay for it tonight.
201
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,586
Oh, I see. You want one of our free rooms.
202
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,756
No, no. I can pay for it in the morning.
203
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,674
Well, whatever's convenient for you.
204
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:12,427
Now, would you like a suite or a room?
205
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,345
A suite would be great.
206
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,014
All right. Color TV? Sauna?
207
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,058
Well, sure.
208
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,686
Is that gonna be a queen
or king-sized bed?
209
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,229
King, yeah, please.
210
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,482
And, Mario, non-smoking,
if you don't mind.
211
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,317
But of course. And would you like me
212
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,070
to carry you to your room piggyback?
213
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,114
Oh, I see.
214
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,116
You're being sarcastic, aren't you?
215
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:36,576
If you'd spent the day
216
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,661
fending off joy buzzers
and squirting carnations,
217
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,331
you'd be a mite cranky yourself.
218
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,833
So you're not gonna give me a room?
219
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,336
I don't have a room to give.
Nobody in Boston has a room.
220
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:49,089
The entire town is infested with Shriners.
221
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,591
Now, if you're desperate
for a place to sleep,
222
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,802
might I suggest you become a Shriner?
223
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,845
I'm not entirely sure
how one goes about that,
224
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,056
but it appears to have something to do
225
00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,099
with driving a tiny car
226
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,643
through the lobby of my hotel.
227
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,604
Can I use your phone, please?
228
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,439
Oh, but of course.
229
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,149
Would you like to call Australia?
230
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,859
Perhaps one of our new picture phones
231
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,402
will suit your needs.
232
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,363
Never mind, never mind.
233
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:14,906
Enjoyed your stay?
234
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,616
Why not tell a friend?
235
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:22,497
No problem, Sam. Mi casa es su casa.
236
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:24,165
Bless your heart, man.
237
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,000
I think I'll just stretch out
on the couch here.
238
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,503
Oh, no. I'm gonna sleep
on the couch tonight.
239
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,296
Are you sleepin' on the couch?
240
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,423
Yeah, yeah. Sometimes when I come home
late from Cheers,
241
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,135
I don't like to wake Vera up,
so I just crash out on the couch here.
242
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,387
But you're always late at Cheers.
243
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,389
Yeah. How about that?
244
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,057
Oh.
245
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,350
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
246
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:45,395
- Okay. All right.
- Aw, bless you.
247
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,855
If you're that desperate,
248
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,523
I'll show you what a good friend I am.
249
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,942
Go ahead. Sleep on the couch.
250
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,861
I'll go sleep with my wife.
251
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,738
Oh, thank you, thank you.
252
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,035
Well, here I go.
253
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,124
You're gonna let me do this, aren't you?
254
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,376
I'm so tired.
255
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,337
All right. You owe me big time, Malone.
256
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:13,923
Norm?
257
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,550
Norm, is that you?
258
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:16,885
Yes, dear.
259
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,053
You've come home to me.
260
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,514
Come here, lover boy.
261
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:39,073
Okay, Sam. There's some extra towels
262
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,034
by the sink in the guest bathroom.
263
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,285
Oh, God!
264
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:43,286
If there's anything else you need,
265
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,537
just let me know.
266
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,372
Don't worry about disturbing Lilith.
267
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,625
She's sleeping in the cellar.
268
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,126
In the cellar?
269
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,254
Yes, you can take the girl
out of the eco pod...
270
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,341
Ah, thank you.
271
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,717
You bet.
272
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,427
Listen, that's it.
273
00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,804
I'll just bid you a fond bonne Nuit.
274
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,266
Say...
275
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,478
Is that... is that Frederick?
276
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,230
Yes, that's Frederick--
277
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,190
Having a bit of a tantrum tonight,
278
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,942
trying to manipulate me, you see.
279
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,568
It's a common tactic of a four-year-old.
280
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,321
And as any good parent knows,
the secret is to ignore it.
281
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,573
He'll have to cry himself out,
282
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,492
the little weasel.
283
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,452
Got good lungs, though, huh?
284
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,580
Well, night-night.
285
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,297
Oh...
286
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,843
Hey.
287
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,554
Hey, Freddie.
288
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,515
Can you hear me, Freddie?
289
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:48,768
It's Sam Malone. Uncle Sammy.
290
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,687
Say, Freddie,
291
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,063
you're kind of a big boy
292
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,524
to be throwin' a tantrum, aren't you?
293
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,235
You think you could hold off
294
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,737
until tomorrow morning?
295
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,993
Thank you.
296
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,577
Oh...
297
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,830
Oh, thank you, God.
298
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:28,141
I'm so tired, I'm desperate.
299
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,727
God, forgive me for this.
300
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,272
Sam!
301
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,859
Clifford! Look!
It's one of your little friends!
302
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,579
I'm so sorry to come
so late like this, Cliff.
303
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,582
It's just that I'm so very,
very exhausted.
304
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,668
You know, the key and everything.
305
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,713
No apologies needed, young man.
306
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,425
You poor thing.
So cold, and no muffler?
307
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,927
You could have caught your death.
308
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,305
You're always welcome here, Sammy.
309
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,182
You should know that, buddy.
310
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,726
Oh, Cliff ie, man, you're the best.
311
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,270
And you, too, Mrs. Clavin.
312
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,147
Oh, what a dear.
313
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,192
Now, I'll bet you're anxious
to get some sleep.
314
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,235
Ha ha ha! Oh, yeah.
315
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,737
Yeah.
316
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,697
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
317
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,699
Well, that's a pretty comfy bed there,
318
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,826
isn't it, Sammy? Huh?
319
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:41,339
Am I sharing the same bed
with Cliff?
320
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,216
Well, of course, silly.
321
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,843
You didn't expect to sleep with me.
322
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,470
Yeah.
323
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,555
Well, this will be all right.
This is fine.
324
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,557
All right, then. Nighty-night.
325
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,017
Good night, Ma.
326
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,815
Hey, Cliff,
327
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,943
this is probably one of those
328
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,195
things that we should just keep
between the two of us,
329
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,488
don't you think?
330
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,365
Gotcha, Sam.
331
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,368
Oh, I almost forgot.
332
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:13,913
Clifford, wake your friend for prayers.
333
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,415
Oh. Sam.
334
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:18,459
- Sam, wake up.
- Huh?
335
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,297
Oh. Yeah.
336
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,759
Dear Lord,
337
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,344
bless Clifford and me,
338
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:31,013
unworthy wretches that we are.
339
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,640
Bless the postal system
340
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:34,725
and keep it from harm
341
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,187
by helping it to detect
the real loonies.
342
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,731
Bless our friends,
343
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:45,153
and thank you for letting Sam
find succor here tonight.
344
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,822
Bless the late Mr. Clavin.
345
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,824
I know he's not in your vicinity
346
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:53,453
but rather roasting in hell
on a spit--
347
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,037
On a spit reserved for those
348
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,248
who desert their families. Amen.
349
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:58,624
Amen.
350
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,793
- Sam.
- Hmm?
351
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,003
Is there anyone special
352
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,380
you'd like the Lord to remember?
353
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,174
No, not particularly.
354
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,385
Well, don't be surprised
355
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,012
if he doesn't remember you.
356
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,973
Oh, please, please,
can't we just go to sleep?
357
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,892
I'm so very tired. Please.
358
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,352
Great, Ma. Now you made my friend mad.
359
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,521
Any wonder I don't have anybody over?
360
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,815
Any wonder I don't have any friends?
361
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,777
Oh? You don't have friends
because of me?
362
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,529
Me...
363
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,615
Who spent 36 hours
364
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:31,866
of the most painful labor
365
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,659
the hospital had ever seen?
366
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,704
There she goes.
367
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,165
If you think you're better off
without me,
368
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,791
you're welcome to live by yourself.
369
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,210
Just see how long you can last.
370
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,586
Fine.
371
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,087
A day. I give it a day,
372
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,714
and that's during daylight hours.
373
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,509
Night falls, and it's,
"Where's my mommy?"
374
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,011
Oh. Oh. Is that right?
375
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,013
Well, let me tell you, missy,
376
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,974
that it takes two to be co-dependent!
377
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,601
You're the enabler!
378
00:16:58,768 --> 00:16:59,936
You're the enabler!
379
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,438
Oh! I'm the enabler, am I tonight, huh?
380
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,899
Like last night and the night before!
381
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,943
Well, you know why I'm the enabler?
382
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,487
Because you demand it!
383
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,864
Everything I do is wrong.
384
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,741
Is that it, Clifford?
385
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:18,246
Aw, Ma. I'm sorry.
386
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,290
Ah, well, don't--
Don't be upset.
387
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,668
I just push too hard.
388
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,920
No. I'm too domineering.
389
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,005
No, Ma. Ma, it's me.
390
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,216
- You know. Ah, it's me.
- Sam?
391
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,679
Sam, which one of us is worse?
392
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,434
Can't we please go to sleep?
393
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:45,815
I suppose that is a good idea.
394
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:48,067
Good night, sweet precious.
395
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,694
Good night, Ma.
396
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,405
Don't forget the bathroom,
397
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,656
and turn off the light.
398
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,032
Right.
399
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,913
Oh, my God, Cliff.
400
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,207
What a nasty scene.
401
00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:05,042
What was?
402
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,379
Nothing, nothing.
403
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:12,383
- Good night. Good night.
- Good night, Sam.
404
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,014
Sammy.
405
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,642
Sammy.
406
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,186
Yes, Cliff?
407
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,646
You awake?
408
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,941
Yes, Cliff.
409
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,401
Hey.
410
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:32,945
Sam,
411
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,905
you know what's fun?
412
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,574
What's fun, Cliff?
413
00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:37,992
Well,
414
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,786
when you take the letters
of somebody's name
415
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,997
and make another word out of it.
416
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:46,959
You know, like if it were my name--
417
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,253
Clifford Clavin.
418
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:52,882
Well, first word that comes to mind is,
say, "Ford."
419
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,759
Well, there's also "Cliff,"
420
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:58,054
you know, like,
the geographical structure.
421
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,140
There's almost "clavicle."
422
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,318
"Livid."
423
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,237
Cliff ie, please.
424
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,114
Aw. Can't think of any?
425
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:23,162
I'm tryin' to sleep here, Cliff.
426
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,039
Sure thing, Sam. Good night.
427
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,128
How about, "florid"?
428
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,755
Come on, Cliff!
429
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,090
Damn it, man, I'm tired.
430
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,132
I'm really, really tired.
431
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,300
I'm trying to sleep here.
432
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:37,718
Can't you just stop talking?
433
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,096
For once, please stop talking!
434
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:50,106
I'm sorry, Sammy. I was just...
435
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,817
It's a problem I have. I...
436
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,489
You know, I try to stop talkin', and...
437
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,912
And I just keep on talkin'.
438
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:06,580
You know, it's kind of like those people
439
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,874
Who live near Niagara Falls, and...
440
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,585
After a while,
they just don't hear it anymore.
441
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,298
I mean, I read an article
about this couple.
442
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:19,969
They lived near the falls
443
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:21,429
for about 40 years or so,
444
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,680
and they moved away,
445
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:26,934
and the silence was just deafening.
446
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,060
They had to move back.
447
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,687
Couldn't stand it.
448
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,191
Why are some people like that and...
449
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,945
And just other people aren't, Sammy?
450
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,613
You ever think about that?
451
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,616
Sam?
452
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,536
Sammy?
453
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,166
Sam!
454
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,419
He's gone, isn't he, Clifford?
455
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,880
It's all your fault, old woman!
456
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:06,807
Rebecca?
457
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,435
Rebecca?
458
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,355
Sam, what are you doing here?
459
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,232
I thought you had a date.
460
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,735
Yeah, I did, but things didn't work out
the way I expected,
461
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:20,946
so I thought I'd swing by here
and take you up on your offer.
462
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,616
Oh. Old boring me?
463
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,576
I don't know how good that would be, Sam.
464
00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:27,828
I wouldn't want to slow you down,
465
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,955
your great swingin' love life.
466
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,499
Please.
467
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,459
You have no idea what I've been through.
468
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:36,337
Yes, I do. Carla called.
469
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:37,880
And then Norm.
470
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,174
I've been sitting here
for three hours eating popcorn
471
00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:42,176
and watching movies,
waiting for you to come by here.
472
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:45,179
Can I stay here?
Can I go to sleep? Please?
473
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:46,180
Yes.
474
00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:48,057
Oh... Thank you.
475
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,600
Sam, come on. Get up.
476
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,727
- Don't be a baby about this.
- I'm so tired.
477
00:21:51,894 --> 00:21:53,521
Oh, no.
478
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,397
No. No. No more "Oh, no's."
479
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:56,941
Not tonight. Please.
480
00:21:57,107 --> 00:21:58,526
- What's wrong?
- It's locked.
481
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,778
Well, so... call the super.
482
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,739
I am the super.
483
00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:13,666
How about, "anvil"?
484
00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:19,505
"Anvil' is a--
That's a good one. "Anvil."
485
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:22,341
Oh, no. We did that an hour ago.