1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,505 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,467 Well, here are the proud parents-to-be. 3 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,469 Yes, and we've been shopping. 4 00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:12,387 Yeah, look what we found. Pretty neat, huh? 5 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,014 Ah, that's perfect. It'll do wonders 6 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,974 for his motor skills and his mental acuity. 7 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,894 And check this out. We got one for the baby, too. 8 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:23,941 Our next city councilman, ladies and gentlemen. 9 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,652 Boy, it's gonna be tough finding a replacement for you, Woody. 10 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,445 Why would you want to replace me, Sam? 11 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:31,240 You can't tend bar here and be a councilman at the same time. 12 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,075 That's a full-time job. 13 00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:34,868 It is, Sam? 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,912 Yeah, and working here at Cheers is a full-time job, too. 15 00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,956 It is, Sam? 16 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,458 Yes. 17 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,502 Well, can't I tend bar at least sometimes? 18 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,588 What all does a city councilman have to do anyway? 19 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,298 Well, our present councilman Kevin Fogerty 20 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,968 rises at the crack of dawn-- 6:30 to be exact. 21 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,262 Then he showers, shaves, goes downstairs 22 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,681 for a leisurely breakfast with his wife Estelle. 23 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,350 Then he takes his son Joseph, eight, and Hilary, eleven, 24 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,519 to the Fenwick Elementary School. 25 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:03,647 At least that was his routine before the court order 26 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,733 deprived me of my right to know. 27 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:11,154 Big Brother, my friends. Big Brother. 28 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,909 Years from now, they're going to ask me why I didn't see the signs. 29 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,751 I guess I'd better call the newspaper and put an ad in there 30 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,502 looking for an assistant bartender. 31 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,379 All right, all right, Sammy, 32 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:12,049 let me fill out an application. 33 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,135 What about me? I'd be a great bartender. 34 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,929 Oh, come on, are you kidding me? With those powerhouse drinks you make? 35 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,389 Ah, come on. 36 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,350 Sweetheart, the last time I let you tend bar, 37 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,143 there were 12 people who made a naked conga line 38 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,354 all the way out to the common, 39 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,524 and Phil over there tried to join The Flying Wallendas. 40 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:30,942 I tell you, 41 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:35,447 I sobered up real fast on that high wire. Whoo! 42 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,327 All right, so I made the drinks a little strong that night. 43 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,745 It's not gonna happen again. 44 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,163 Come on, I could really use the money. 45 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,748 You won't be sorry. 46 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,708 Yeah, all right, go ahead. I'll give you a shot. 47 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,960 - Yes! - Now, hold it a second. 48 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,171 I'm the one who's supposed to make the decisions around here. 49 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:52,130 I am the manager. 50 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:56,385 Now, to whom should I give this job of bartender? 51 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,552 How would you like me 52 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,054 to rip out your still beating heart 53 00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:02,808 and show it to you before you hit the ground? 54 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:03,850 I've got it. 55 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,561 How about Carla? 56 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,523 You know something, with Carla being our new bartender, 57 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,816 we're going to need a waitress. 58 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,401 Why don't you get on the phone 59 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,568 and call the agency and hire one. 60 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:14,736 Think you can you manage that? 61 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,530 Yes, I think I can manage that, 62 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,990 but could you dial? I just had my nails done. 63 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,742 And could you talk? 64 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:24,496 I feel uncomfortable talking to strangers. 65 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,915 Well, Carla, congratulations on your new job. 66 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:29,251 Here's to Carla, our new bartender. 67 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,585 Hear, hear. 68 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,003 Carla, why don't you fire up a pitcher 69 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,630 of those lethal cocktails that you make? 70 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,173 Just don't tell Sammy, okay? 71 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,842 I'm going to make you one pitcher 72 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:38,927 of a little drink my grandfather taught me. 73 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:43,098 It's called, I Know My Redeemer Liveth. 74 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,101 Is it strong? 75 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:49,396 Is it strong? One drink, you won't recognize your best friend. 76 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,315 Make mine a double. 77 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:02,784 Sam, this place is just a mess. 78 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:03,994 Yeah, I know. 79 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,413 Carla made one of her specialty drinks last night. 80 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,748 Things got out of hand. 81 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,086 Morning, everybody. 82 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,254 Norm! Norm! 83 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:20,969 How are you feeling, Norm? 84 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,721 Terrible. 85 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:24,848 I have a splitting headache, 86 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,058 and I think I might be sick. 87 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,894 Can I have a beer, Sammy? 88 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:35,400 Hey there, Frasier. 89 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,861 I'm sorry, Sam. 90 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,654 Your friend Frasier is dead. 91 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,701 What you are looking at is his undead corpse. 92 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,955 Here you go, pal. 93 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,666 All right, let's review. 94 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:55,545 Last night, I got knee-walking drunk... 95 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:59,591 And now I'm back in this bar 96 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,803 a mere seven and a half hours later... 97 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,597 Hungover. 98 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,934 Well, it's official. I have a problem. 99 00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:18,318 Cheers. 100 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,529 Hey, is that you, Cliff ie? 101 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,322 Cliff? 102 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,701 He just woke up. He doesn't know where he is. 103 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,705 Cliff ie, calm down, man. 104 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,500 Just look around and describe what you see. 105 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,795 Cliff, you're in the office, pal. 106 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,966 My pleasure. 107 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,819 Coffee, please, there, Sammy. 108 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,738 I told you watch out for her drinks. How many did you have? 109 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,490 Oh, I don't remember, Sam. 110 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:06,908 I don't remember much of anything 111 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,077 after the wooden lady laughed at me 112 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,997 and called me a half man. 113 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,541 Well, look at you guys. 114 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,709 I wonder how Woody's doing. 115 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,878 He was really knocking them back. 116 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,421 Nobody could drink that much 117 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:20,881 and end up feeling human, Sam. 118 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:24,342 Hey, everybody. Sorry I'm late. I was doing my NordicTrack. 119 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:29,222 Woody, you had as much of that vile brew as the rest of us. 120 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,807 How can you be so chipper this morning? 121 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,768 Well, it's because of the old Hanover hangover cure. 122 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,063 Very simple. First, put on your pajamas, 123 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,901 then, take an aspirin with a glass of cold water. 124 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:44,279 And then... you vomit till your nose bleeds 125 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:47,073 and heave until you see the angels. 126 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,535 Wake up in the morning, you feel brand-new. 127 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,245 Boy, I am hungry. 128 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,372 Anybody for some chili dogs? 129 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,585 Okay, okay, but only two. 130 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,555 Sammy, office. Quick. 131 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,851 What was that? 132 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:18,188 That was either Carla or the grim reaper. 133 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,859 Dear Lord, let it be the reaper. 134 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,655 Come on, talk to me, will you? 135 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:27,906 I can't even say it. 136 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,617 It's just the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life. 137 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,285 You're scaring me, sweetheart. 138 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,578 Tell me what's going on. 139 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,122 Okay. Last night, 140 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,042 you know, I had a few of those drinks I made, 141 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,418 and I got loaded. 142 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,295 I warned you about that, didn't I? 143 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,882 I know, I know. Anyways, I kind of lost track of myself. 144 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:49,010 I think I went home with a guy. 145 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,470 Yeah? 146 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,222 It was a Cheers guy. 147 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:56,142 Oh, Sammy, Sammy, please, please, 148 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,978 tell me it was you. 149 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,607 I'm sorry, sweetheart. It wasn't me. 150 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,859 Oh, God. Oh, God. 151 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,862 The options that leaves are so horrifying! 152 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:10,615 All right, all right. 153 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,575 Wait a minute. Now, what do you remember? 154 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,161 I don't remember much. 155 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,164 Just slow dancing to Nat King Cole 156 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,042 and doing it till the sheets burned. 157 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,086 What else? 158 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:25,213 Got to think. Got to think. 159 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,048 Who was there? 160 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,092 All right, let's see. There's Frasier... 161 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,428 Frasier... I could live with that. 162 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,596 Who else? 163 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,140 Norm. 164 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,142 It couldn't have been him. 165 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,145 Even drunk, I think I'd remember that. 166 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,772 Woody? 167 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,858 - No. - No. 168 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,652 Well, I guess there's nobody else. 169 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,863 - Well, what about Cli-- - There's nobody else, Sam. 170 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,324 Come on, sweetheart, it's going to eat you up inside. 171 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:56,161 Why don't you go talk to each guy alone very subtly 172 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,663 and just ask them what they remember about last night? 173 00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,958 Chances are, whoever it was, he'll be just as embarrassed 174 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,960 by the whole situation as you are. 175 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,087 - You really think so? - Yes, absolutely. 176 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,423 - That's worth a try. - Yeah. 177 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,800 Hey, Sammy, 178 00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,969 you don't think any less of me, do you? 179 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,972 Well, let's see who it is first. 180 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,486 Hey, Fras. 181 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,781 Pretty wild last night, huh? 182 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,576 If you can call Lilith rescuing me 183 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,329 from accidental drowning in my toilet, "pretty wild," 184 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,748 well, then, yes, life is a cabaret. 185 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,838 Hey, Norm. 186 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,340 Yeah. 187 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:51,674 Do you believe all that stuff 188 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,009 that happened last night? 189 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,511 I don't remember 190 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,013 a single thing that happened last night. 191 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,349 I do have a bad feeling, though. 192 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:03,645 Vera... made me breakfast in bed this morning. 193 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,775 Kept calling me, "Mr. Two Times." 194 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:15,740 Maybe it's best I don't remember. 195 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:23,039 Wood, remember anything about what happened last night? 196 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,333 Whatever it was, I missed it. 197 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,002 Spent most of last night listening to Phil tell stories 198 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,421 about how he worked on the Manhattan Project. 199 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,675 Try sleeping with that for 50 years. 200 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,101 Well, that's everybody. 201 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,311 Yeah, what about-- 202 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,230 That's everybody, Sam. 203 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,315 Come on. Get out there. You've got to ask him. 204 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,651 You'll go crazy if you don't know. 205 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,953 Hey... Cliff... 206 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:07,375 So, how was your evening last night? 207 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,086 You ought to know, Carla. 208 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:13,506 It was F-U-N, fun. 209 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:23,766 How was it F-U-N, fun, Cliff? 210 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,852 Carla, I spent most of the night 211 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,438 in the back seat of a cab with yon Norm Peterson. 212 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,106 Now, if that isn't a recipe for fun, 213 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,816 I don't know what is. 214 00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,234 You bet. 215 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,613 I don't get it. I just don't get it. 216 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,449 That's everybody, right? Jeez, I-- 217 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,242 Unless... 218 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,411 Unless I met someone. 219 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,789 That's it! Mr. Right walked into the bar, 220 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,374 swept me off my feet, 221 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,461 and we made mad passionate love all night long. 222 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,087 Probably coming back for me tonight. 223 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,256 Could be right. I bet that's what it is. 224 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,800 It's got to be, because everybody here checks out, thank God. 225 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,677 I know I didn't miss anyone. 226 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,684 Hey, sexy. 227 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:16,903 Mona Lisa 228 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,530 Mona Lisa Men have named you 229 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,700 Aah! 230 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:45,556 Well, guys, guess who scaled Mount Paulie last night. 231 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,352 Paul, Paul, can I talk to you 232 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:50,812 in the office for a second, pal? 233 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,814 Oh, sure, Sammy, I get it. 234 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,191 Afraid of the new gunslinger in town, huh? 235 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,776 Yeah, that's right, Paul. 236 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,362 What's the idea, Sammy? 237 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,614 I got major dish for the guys. 238 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,157 Yeah, I know. Paul, listen, I... 239 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:07,370 I heard about what happened between you and Carla. 240 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,834 She's already been bragging about it, huh? 241 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,670 No, not exactly, Paul. 242 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:19,173 You know, it was wild, Sammy. 243 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,050 All that screaming and scratching. 244 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,802 You should see the nail marks. 245 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,096 They're all up and down her back. 246 00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,266 Oh, my. Yeah... 247 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,269 Listen, I know what you want to do 248 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,187 is run out there and tell the guys, 249 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,189 but I got to remind you here, Paul, 250 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,691 a gentleman does not kiss and tell. 251 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,026 It's just not cool. 252 00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,569 But you do it, Sam. 253 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,655 True, true, but I'm Sam Malone. 254 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,159 By definition, everything I do is cool. 255 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,411 You got a point there, but, Sammy, the whole thing is-- 256 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,079 No, no, Paul, you don't understand. 257 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,497 Please, I got to ask you... 258 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,292 Keep this to yourself. 259 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,295 Sam, you just don't get it. 260 00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,756 This kind of thing has never happened to me before. 261 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:02,300 Now, the one time it does happen, 262 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,595 I can't even crow about it just a little? 263 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,681 I know how you feel. All right, I tell you what, 264 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,391 why don't you crow in here with me 265 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,226 and get it out of your system? 266 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,979 Well, okay. It won't be quite the same, but... 267 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,358 Yes! 268 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,735 High-five, Sammy. The Paul-Monster! 269 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,071 Give me a "P"! Give me an "A"! 270 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:24,197 Give me a "U'! Give me an "I"! 271 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,617 P-A-U-L! Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul! 272 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,334 Through? 273 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,669 Think so, yeah. 274 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:41,923 Okay, we got a deal? You're not gonna tell the guys? 275 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,258 I won't tell them, but listen, 276 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,636 I don't know how you're gonna keep Carla from talking. 277 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:51,682 Well, I'll have this little conversation with her, too, okay? 278 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,518 Okay, good. 279 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,937 Hey, listen, while you're at it, 280 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,689 could you just tell her gently that... 281 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,150 ...this was just a one-night thing? 282 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,486 Paulie don't need no clinging vines. 283 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,573 I'll let her down gently, Paul. 284 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:13,496 Hey, Paul, what was that you were talking about 285 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,081 getting lucky last night? 286 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,793 Oh, no, I guess I was making that up. 287 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,379 - Poor guy. - Yeah. 288 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,882 - Sometimes I feel sorry for old Paulie. - Yeah. 289 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:28,553 Maybe we should've invited him to come along with us last night. 290 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,889 Boy, did we have ourselves some fun or what? 291 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,309 What the hell did we do anyway? 292 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,980 The best way to reconstruct a night like that, Normie, 293 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,524 is to go through our pockets. 294 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,485 Yeah, here we go. 295 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:47,780 All right, here's a receipt for the pizza place. 296 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,365 I sort of remember that. 297 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,993 Twenty-four ninety-five at a bowling alley, 298 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:55,204 Two hundred bucks for the tattoo parlor, 299 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:58,499 and twelve bucks for the cab and the doughnut shop. 300 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:01,878 Say, Cliff... 301 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,548 What was that one between 302 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,301 the bowling alley and the taxi cab? 303 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,930 Fred's Tattoo Parlor. 304 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,812 Yeah, funny that should be in there. 305 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,524 Yeah. 306 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,730 I'll tell you what's on your butt 307 00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:05,107 if you tell me what's on mine. 308 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,949 Let's get it over with. 309 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,961 Those guys spend way too much time together. 310 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,403 Okay, Cliff... 311 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,988 Do you want to tell me 312 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,408 what's tattooed forever on my butt? 313 00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:01,622 It's a... big American flag there, Norm, 314 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,291 with the motto, 315 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,751 "God bless the US Post Office." 316 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,180 What... What's on mine? 317 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,183 A big heart with the words, 318 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,519 "I love Vera." 319 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,825 Guess they mixed them up, huh? 320 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,786 I assume so. 321 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,874 Beautiful workmanship. 322 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,628 You want me to come over and show Vera? 323 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:56,636 Thanks, but no. 324 00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:00,222 In that case, would you mind coming down to the post office 325 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,932 and showing my supervisor? 326 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,102 No, no. I don't think so, Cliff. 327 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,272 Oh, come on, sweetheart, 328 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,483 it's not that big a deal. 329 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,360 So you slept with Paul. 330 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:17,281 You've gone to bed with a lot of guys before. 331 00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,700 Not really, Sam. 332 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,911 I mean, I talk a lot, you know, 333 00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,038 but when it comes right down to it, 334 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,333 I'm more talk than action. 335 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,585 But even when I did fool around, 336 00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,879 I always knew their names. 337 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,423 I was always in control, you know? 338 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:38,177 Last night was the first time I ever lost control. 339 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,429 I stepped over the line. 340 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,265 I'm now officially a slut. 341 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,144 Come on. Don't say that. 342 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,980 As I told you, I talked with Paul. 343 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,857 No one's ever going to know. 344 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,568 Yeah, but I know, Sam. 345 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,529 This is a secret that I'm gonna have to live with 346 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,114 for the rest of my life. 347 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,701 Well, come on, sweetheart. 348 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,161 We all have to live with secrets. 349 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,747 Yeah, but not this bad. 350 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,167 What if I told you 351 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,712 that I had a secret a lot worse than this? 352 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,338 Oh, Sammy, how could you have 353 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,674 a problem worse? You're perfect. 354 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,218 You don't even know what the rest of the world is like. 355 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,097 Honey, I'm not perfect. 356 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,015 Oh, yeah, right. 357 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:28,728 All right. You really want to know? 358 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,730 Watch this. 359 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,815 Oh! 360 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:47,872 Holy mother of God. Sammy, you wear a rug. 361 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,958 It's not a rug. It's not a rug. 362 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,419 It's a hair replacement system. 363 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:59,842 Oh, Sammy, Look at you! You're bald! 364 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,969 All this time, the great Sam Malone's hair 365 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:04,346 is nothing but a fraud! 366 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:07,475 Hey, at least I didn't sleep with Paul! 367 00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:13,939 Paul, schmaul. That's nothing. 368 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,609 Nothing? It was a pretty big deal a minute ago. 369 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,069 Yeah, well, that was before I found out you wear a piece. 370 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:22,656 Hair replacement system. Hair replacement system. 371 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,742 You know, if you're not going to use the proper terminology, 372 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,536 I think I'd just like to be by myself right now. 373 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:30,206 Sammy, I'm sorry. 374 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:32,208 It's just, you caught me by surprise. 375 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,585 Yeah, well, imagine how it caught me 376 00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:37,713 when on the morning of August 12th, 1989, 377 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,591 I looked in the sink and... 378 00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:43,135 I'm sorry. I thought I could talk about this. 379 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,349 Sam. 380 00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:53,354 Sam, Sam, Sammy, it's okay. 381 00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,648 So you're blowing your feathers. 382 00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,150 It's not the end of the world. 383 00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:01,403 Sure. You know, there's a lot more to Sam Malone 384 00:22:01,612 --> 00:22:03,447 than just your great hair. 385 00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:05,991 - Really? - Of course. 386 00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,618 You're a great guy. 387 00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:09,203 You're handsome and sweet. 388 00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:11,121 Oh, don't say sweet. 389 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:12,790 What's the matter with sweet? 390 00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:16,001 It's another way of saying bald. 391 00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:18,546 Sammy. Sam, I mean it. 392 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:21,131 You are a terrific, sweet guy. 393 00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:23,592 Anybody who would do what you just did 394 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,302 to make someone feel better 395 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:28,472 is just the best friend in the world. 396 00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:32,101 You don't think any less of me? 397 00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,186 Think any less of me? 398 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,188 No.