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Previously on "Childrens Hospital"...
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Hey, I want to
show you something.
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Tell me what this
makes you think of.
4
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Okay.
A penis.
5
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Huh.
Okay let's try another one.
6
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- Penis.
- Interesting. One more.
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- Penis.
- Very cool.
8
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- You're there, you're there, you're there.
- No!
9
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Oh my God! Oh my God!
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Hi, I'm Chief.
The chief surgeon.
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I can cure you.
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If he does that,
you might lose your sexy strut.
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I give you the new Chief.
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I'm gonna try and cure you
the old-fashioned way,
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using the healing power of laughter.
16
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Why don't you try the
healing power of medicine?
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I don't have a brain tumor.
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I just couldn't think of a
reason to break up with you.
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That's just the
brain tumor talking.
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I want to operate on
your nonexistent tumor.
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I did extract the brain tumor,
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using only the healing
power of laughter,
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so that was a success.
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And she died.
Sorry.
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You might say I'm headed for a bit
of a nervous Blake Down...s. M.D.
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Coming this fall.
27
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- How old is Nicky?
- Six.
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I like turtles!
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He's got the rarest case of
advanced aging disease I've ever seen.
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- Hi!
- He got you pregnant?
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It's immoral! I'm disgusted!
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Totally kidding. It's fine.
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- Have any names picked out?
- We're not telling anyone yet.
34
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- Tobey Maguire!
35
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I dread the future.
36
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It's been so much less
experienced than the past.
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I wish I aged backwards, like Merlin, or Bruce
Springsteen, or anyone from the Planet Ork.
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Some people say the past is
not past, or even over.
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Those people are pretentious.
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I see it everywhere, the past.
And it looks like Lola.
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Lola!
Oh.
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But it's not her.
It's never her,
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because my best friend,
Dr. Lola Spratt, is dead.
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But in my memory, she lives.
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But as time goes by, even the
memory of her face becomes fuzzy.
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But some days,
I can feel her with me...
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In the smile of a child or in the innocence
of one of God's more gentle creatures.
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Everything ends.
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But what do you call an ending
that begins all over again?
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A beginding.
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All righty.
Let's begind at the beginding.
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Hi. You must be Cat.
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- I'm so happy you could join us.
- Sorry I'm late.
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- God. Sarcastic much?
- I wasn't being sarcastic.
55
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- I'm thrilled that you're here.
- Wow, there was traffic. I have my period.
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I totally understand. If you've got pain,
take the day off.
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Oh, my God. Are you done, Don Rickles?
What's the deal with this guy?
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Meet the new fuehrer, Sy Mittleman.
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He runs the insurance company that
owns the hospital now. Total suit.
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- What does the chief think about this?
- Oh, she doesn't care.
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She's totally in love with him but pretending
to hate him so that we think she's cool.
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Go back to your corporate penthouse
cubicle, Don Rickshaws.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we have got to find
new ways to raise revenue for this hospital.
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I'm so sorry. Some of my butterflies
got out of my collection this morning.
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He collects butterflies?
Typical suit.
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You know what? Why don't we just
get out there and save some lives?
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Wow!
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Attention, all staff... Buzzed surgery
is the same as drunk surgery.
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00:03:46,801 --> 00:03:50,116
Chief, I'm so glad I
happened to run into you.
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I am glad that I happened
to run into you, too,
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By accident.
Oh.
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Yeah, I got it. I'm on it.
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Sorry. My staff hates you,
so I have to pretend that I do, too.
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That must be hard, suddenly
not being the boss anymore.
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Sy, last year, I was riddled with
muscular and neurological disease.
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I had an operation
that transformed me
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into the beautiful, healthy creature
you see before you.
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Oh. Here she comes.
Yeah.
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I'm good with change.
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I'm also good at changing in
and out of various outfits...
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Costumes, if you will.
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Yeah!
Whoo!
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Ah! This is fun.
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- You want to do another pass?
- Absolutely.
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Oh, my God.
I almost forgot.
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There's something extremely,
extremely urgent I need to tell you.
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The future of this hospital
depends on it.
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Oh, my God. You tell me right now,
you son of a bitch.
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Don't leave me hanging.
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Coming up next on "Blake Downs M.D.,"
Dr. Downs has big news.
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I discovered a syndrome,
and they're naming it after me:
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"Dr. Downs syndrome."
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You know what syndrome they
should name after you?
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The "never makes the bed syndrome."
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The New York Times says
this show will never get cancelled.
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Watch "Blake Downs, M.D."
Tonight after "Childrens Hospital."
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Hey, hey, hey. And how is Morgan's terminal cancer?
98
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I'm not feeling very good at all.
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Great. Well, my medical advice
would be "keep on truckin'."
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Gotcha, you son of a bitch.
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I'm hungry.
102
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Hungry?
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Give me that thing.
104
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Attention... Now that I have
your attention, that is all.
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Hi! We went to
The Cheesecake Factory. I had a accident.
106
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I quit.
Get another nanny.
107
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Not this again.
Look, Gladys,
108
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I'm sorry if you have a problem
with our unconventional relationship.
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I don't care about that. I've dated plenty of guys
twenty-five years younger than me.
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Really? Did they have
advanced aging disease like Nicky?
111
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I don't think anybody has
advanced aging disease like Nicky.
112
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Look, our relationship is on the rocks.
I can't do this without you.
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I just can't clean up grown-man poop anymore.
114
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I ate all of Gladys' cigarettes!
115
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Gladys! Come back.
You can't leave me here. He's dying.
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I'm gonna go to doggy heaven.
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- You're dying, girl.
- What?
118
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I'll tell you something my uncle
used to say to me back home in Sweden.
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- "Figure out your life."
- "Figure out your life."
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So cryptic.
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- I'm pooping again.
- Clip it off!
122
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There you are, boo-boo.
123
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- I cured cancer, you dick.
- What?
124
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I c'd the big c, you f'ing d.
125
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Glenn, I know that you know that cancer is
an amalgam of... of complicated, unique conditions.
126
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- It's almost impossible to find one cure.
- Oh, yeah? Check it out, honky. Boom! Haha!
127
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Dick.
128
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- How?
- Butterfly goop.
129
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- Okay, so let's start killing some butterflies.
- No, no, no.
130
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I would gladly sacrifice all my beautiful
friends if it cured one case of cancer,
131
00:07:38,156 --> 00:07:41,499
but don't you think
we should run tests first?
132
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- Yeah, you might be right.
- Is it the bile? Is it the blood, the mucus, the semen?
133
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- But who're we gonna get to jack off all these butterflies?
- I would do that.
134
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Well, uh, if...
If no one else was available,
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I would gladly volunteer.
I would... I would...
136
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Why don't we just run some tests?
137
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And if you actually did this, Glenn,
138
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you have done more than just solve
the financial problem of this hospital.
139
00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:12,451
Next on "Blake Downs, M.D.,"
America loses a dear friend.
140
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My private practice went
out of business today. But it's okay.
141
00:08:16,092 --> 00:08:19,603
It's okay. I'm sure
Childrens Hospital will take me back.
142
00:08:19,627 --> 00:08:21,915
In a dramatic final episode...
143
00:08:21,927 --> 00:08:24,120
I didn't mean for her to kill it.
144
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,879
I just wanted it to be quiet!
145
00:08:27,278 --> 00:08:29,849
He's doing Hawkeye's monologue
from the "MASH" finale.
146
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It was a baby!
She smothered her own baby!
147
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Coming up tonight
after "Childrens Hospital."
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- Dr. Jim Stansel, please report to post-op.
- Well, Cat...
149
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Baby's a little bit on the big side, but other than that,
I would say that everything looks great.
150
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Really great. Can I just tell you?
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It is so nice to see
your vagina again.
152
00:08:54,503 --> 00:08:57,802
Thanks for seeing me. You know,
I can't see my normal Ob-Gyn anymore.
153
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What's wrong? The guy doesn't like looking at
engorged vaginas? Sounds like a jerk.
154
00:09:01,168 --> 00:09:04,829
Owen, I can't keep this baby.
I'm not even in love with Nicky anymore.
155
00:09:04,852 --> 00:09:08,937
I'm so afraid of my future.
156
00:09:08,971 --> 00:09:10,165
What are you laughing at?
157
00:09:10,285 --> 00:09:13,846
Oh, I was just remembering how normal
your vagina used to look compared to now.
158
00:09:13,863 --> 00:09:15,380
Owen!
159
00:09:15,403 --> 00:09:17,383
- It's like an open-faced reuben.
- I can't keep this baby.
160
00:09:17,947 --> 00:09:20,882
- Can you help me?
- Cat, listen to me.
161
00:09:21,263 --> 00:09:22,682
You're full-term now,
162
00:09:22,802 --> 00:09:27,457
and the risk to your life, not to mention the baby's,
are just too great to consider termination.
163
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:31,902
- But you're an old friend, so I'll think about it. Yep.
- Oh, God! Thank you! Thank you.
164
00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:33,558
Wow!
165
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:34,678
- Hey!
- Had to get a quick pic.
166
00:09:34,702 --> 00:09:38,463
Gosh, it's like the mouth of a fish
if you yank the hook out too fast.
167
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- Oh.
- Really weird.
168
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- Hey, O?
- Yeah, babe?
169
00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:43,374
Why is there an Ob-Gyn clinic
in a children's hospital?
170
00:09:43,381 --> 00:09:46,288
Babies are having babies nowadays.
Read the papers.
171
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:53,130
July 11th, 3:00 A.M.
172
00:09:53,691 --> 00:09:58,589
I've extracted blood, bile, tears,
breast milk, and mucus from the insect...
173
00:09:58,709 --> 00:10:02,406
And nothing.
Thirteen hours and I've only learned one thing...
174
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:05,802
You can't jack off a dead butterfly.
175
00:10:08,949 --> 00:10:10,605
Oh, I need coffee.
176
00:10:30,737 --> 00:10:35,828
Sync By YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
177
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:54,766
My body's more broken than
the American healthcare system!
178
00:10:58,683 --> 00:11:04,724
Doctor, Doctor, give me the news.
I've got a bad case... of meningitis.