1 00:00:00,479 --> 00:00:02,759 Previously on "Childrens Hospital"... 2 00:00:02,783 --> 00:00:05,350 Welcome... to... the new... episode... of... 3 00:00:05,384 --> 00:00:06,284 "Childrens Hospital." 4 00:00:06,319 --> 00:00:08,687 Nothing... to... set... up... this... week... 5 00:00:08,721 --> 00:00:10,404 because... this is... a... 6 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,989 stand... alone... episode. Enjoy. 7 00:00:12,058 --> 00:00:13,058 Ohh! 8 00:00:13,092 --> 00:00:15,560 Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 9 00:00:18,564 --> 00:00:19,631 Rules. 10 00:00:19,665 --> 00:00:22,434 Rules are the boundaries between order and chaos. 11 00:00:22,468 --> 00:00:25,470 But as the saying goes, rules were meant to be broken. 12 00:00:25,504 --> 00:00:27,505 For instance... "Don't poop where you eat." 13 00:00:27,540 --> 00:00:29,908 Shouldn't you be able to poop wherever you want? 14 00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:32,043 Paperwork can suck my big, black... 15 00:00:32,078 --> 00:00:33,812 Richard Gere is in a new movie. 16 00:00:33,846 --> 00:00:35,547 It's called, My Big Black [Bleep]. 17 00:00:35,581 --> 00:00:37,449 - Ah. - This came for you, Dr. Spratt. 18 00:00:37,483 --> 00:00:38,817 I'm not waiting on any organs. 19 00:00:38,851 --> 00:00:40,183 - Are you sure it's for me? - Yup. 20 00:00:40,252 --> 00:00:41,519 "Deliver to Lola Spratt." 21 00:00:41,554 --> 00:00:42,854 Oh. Thanks, Dori. 22 00:00:42,888 --> 00:00:43,788 No problem. 23 00:00:43,823 --> 00:00:45,390 Hey, Glenn, nice haircut. 24 00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:47,525 Did the band Fall Out Boy throw up on your head? 25 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:48,259 Oh, wait. Wait. 26 00:00:48,294 --> 00:00:50,628 Fall Out boy Called, and they want their haircut back. 27 00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:53,131 Nailed it. 28 00:00:53,165 --> 00:00:56,334 Attention... Will the owner of the red jeep with 29 00:00:56,369 --> 00:00:59,804 the spoiler and 18-inch rims please stop lying to himself? 30 00:01:01,073 --> 00:01:02,273 - Hey, Glenn. - Oh, hey. 31 00:01:02,341 --> 00:01:04,008 - Nice hair. - Thank you. 32 00:01:04,076 --> 00:01:06,033 Fall Out Boy is my favorite band. 33 00:01:06,057 --> 00:01:07,982 I think I remember you mentioning that yesterday, 34 00:01:08,006 --> 00:01:10,081 right before I went to the hair salon. Weird. 35 00:01:10,149 --> 00:01:12,417 What is with the, uh, big beige scrubs? 36 00:01:12,451 --> 00:01:15,720 Oh, I only wear these when my regular ones are at the cleaners. 37 00:01:15,788 --> 00:01:17,620 - Oh. - These were my fat scrubs. 38 00:01:17,690 --> 00:01:19,055 - You were fat? - Mm. 39 00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:20,741 But you're so smart. 40 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,026 That's me two years ago. 41 00:01:22,061 --> 00:01:23,293 - Wow! - I know. 42 00:01:23,362 --> 00:01:24,929 That doesn't even look like you. 43 00:01:24,964 --> 00:01:25,930 Tell me about it. 44 00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,665 Wow. 45 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:28,833 You're way sexier now. 46 00:01:28,868 --> 00:01:30,300 Oh. 47 00:01:35,374 --> 00:01:39,476 Well, uh, guess I'll, uh... I'll see you later, alligator. 48 00:01:40,513 --> 00:01:45,750 Not if I see you later, alligator first, crocodile. 49 00:01:45,785 --> 00:01:46,885 Enjoying the coffee? 50 00:01:46,919 --> 00:01:48,885 Oh, you're the best, Sy. Thanks. 51 00:01:48,954 --> 00:01:51,522 - Aw, geez. - I'm so happy you're bouncing by. 52 00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:53,358 Hey, sexy, give me some sugar. 53 00:01:53,392 --> 00:01:55,059 Love that coffee machine, Sy. 54 00:01:55,094 --> 00:01:57,294 - Mmm. - Oh, my God. 55 00:01:57,363 --> 00:01:59,330 - When you do that, I can't breathe. - Oh, yeah. 56 00:01:59,398 --> 00:02:00,832 Listen... I just got a call from corporate. 57 00:02:00,866 --> 00:02:03,334 - I have to rip $3,000 right out of the budget. - Yeah. 58 00:02:03,402 --> 00:02:05,203 I have to get rid of the coffee maker. 59 00:02:05,237 --> 00:02:06,571 - Sy... - Great coffee, Sy. 60 00:02:06,605 --> 00:02:09,340 People finally started liking you when you got that coffee maker. 61 00:02:09,408 --> 00:02:11,876 No, no. If you have to save some money, fire a doctor. 62 00:02:11,944 --> 00:02:13,643 - A doctor? Who? - Who cares? 63 00:02:13,712 --> 00:02:14,412 No, no, no. 64 00:02:14,447 --> 00:02:18,816 I'll just keep watch and watch carefully which doctor is least good at her job. 65 00:02:18,884 --> 00:02:21,586 Hey, have you seen Glenn's haircut? 66 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,788 Knock, knock. Who's there? Glenn's haircut. 67 00:02:23,823 --> 00:02:24,889 Glenn's haircut who? 68 00:02:24,924 --> 00:02:26,324 Fall Out Boy... That's who. 69 00:02:26,358 --> 00:02:28,326 Nailed it. 70 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,328 I love Fall Out Boy. 71 00:02:30,362 --> 00:02:31,696 Oh, my God. 72 00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:33,331 He did it to impress you. 73 00:02:33,365 --> 00:02:34,299 He likes you. 74 00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:35,833 - You think? - Yeah. 75 00:02:35,901 --> 00:02:38,135 Yeah. What is that? 76 00:02:38,204 --> 00:02:39,671 Oh, I don't know. 77 00:02:39,705 --> 00:02:42,207 I think I'm supposed to put it into someone. 78 00:02:42,241 --> 00:02:43,408 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! 79 00:02:43,442 --> 00:02:46,911 Well, see you later, alligator. 80 00:02:46,946 --> 00:02:48,413 You're an alligator. 81 00:02:48,447 --> 00:02:49,547 Uh-oh. 82 00:02:49,582 --> 00:02:53,017 You looked at your coffee, and then you looked at Lola. 83 00:02:53,052 --> 00:02:59,023 You want to fire Lola so you can keep the coffee machine. 84 00:02:59,058 --> 00:03:00,558 There you are. 85 00:03:00,593 --> 00:03:02,293 Listen... I'm not going to beat around the brisket. 86 00:03:02,328 --> 00:03:03,962 What do you say you and me get a drink sometime? 87 00:03:03,996 --> 00:03:04,829 Like on a date? 88 00:03:04,864 --> 00:03:06,237 Yeah, like on a date, 89 00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:07,198 unless you don't date Jews. 90 00:03:07,233 --> 00:03:08,466 Oh, I date cool Jews. 91 00:03:08,501 --> 00:03:10,034 Uh-huh. 92 00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,503 Somebody call my name? 93 00:03:11,537 --> 00:03:13,505 Jewy McJewjew. 94 00:03:13,539 --> 00:03:15,306 Glenn, that's so rude. 95 00:03:15,341 --> 00:03:17,575 It's Rabbi Jewy McJewjew now, Glenn. 96 00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:19,511 You guys know each other? 97 00:03:19,545 --> 00:03:21,980 Glenn Richie... My old Hebrew school pal. 98 00:03:22,014 --> 00:03:22,780 Pal? Hardly. 99 00:03:22,815 --> 00:03:25,082 You used to steal all my girlfriends and leave them brokenhearted. 100 00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:26,718 Glenn, I have no idea what you mean. 101 00:03:26,752 --> 00:03:28,253 What the hell are you doing here? 102 00:03:28,287 --> 00:03:29,821 I'm the new hospital chaplain. 103 00:03:29,855 --> 00:03:31,623 I love Charlie Chaplin. 104 00:03:32,691 --> 00:03:34,626 It's, uh, a little different than that. 105 00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:37,362 Well, it was really nice meeting you, Rabbi McJewjew. 106 00:03:37,396 --> 00:03:38,296 I'll see you around. 107 00:03:38,330 --> 00:03:39,898 See you around, alligator. 108 00:03:41,934 --> 00:03:44,302 Hey, you stay away from her, Jewy. 109 00:03:44,336 --> 00:03:47,405 Look, Glenn... What's past is past, but I've fallen 110 00:03:47,439 --> 00:03:51,542 hard for this girl, and I'm not gotta let her go just because you like her, too. 111 00:03:51,610 --> 00:03:52,577 It's not personal. 112 00:03:52,611 --> 00:03:54,445 Now, tell me... Who cut your hair? 113 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,081 Was it Pete Wentz, the lead singer of Fall Out Boy? 114 00:03:57,116 --> 00:04:01,553 Nailed it. 115 00:04:03,122 --> 00:04:07,559 You're guilty... of having the best damn coffee 116 00:04:07,593 --> 00:04:09,160 within a 10-mile radius. 117 00:04:10,529 --> 00:04:12,796 Detective Chance Briggs. You dirty S.O.B.! 118 00:04:12,865 --> 00:04:14,432 What's my old partner doing here? 119 00:04:14,466 --> 00:04:16,701 Well, I just downloaded this third-party 120 00:04:16,735 --> 00:04:18,403 coffee app on my Motorola clamshell. 121 00:04:18,437 --> 00:04:20,805 It tells you where to find the best bean-juice around. 122 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,774 Well, we do have fantastic coffee. 123 00:04:22,808 --> 00:04:25,176 Hey, when's the last time you had your prostate checked? 124 00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:27,445 I don't have time for that kind of thing. 125 00:04:27,479 --> 00:04:29,781 Um, do you have time for cancer? 126 00:04:29,815 --> 00:04:30,815 Get in here. 127 00:04:30,849 --> 00:04:32,617 No. You get in here. 128 00:04:32,651 --> 00:04:33,651 I will. 129 00:04:34,486 --> 00:04:37,255 "Attention": Notice taken of something or someone, 130 00:04:37,289 --> 00:04:39,791 the regarding of something as important or significant. 131 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,027 From the Latin "attendere." 132 00:04:43,062 --> 00:04:43,895 Rabbi? 133 00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:45,430 "Attention." 134 00:04:45,464 --> 00:04:46,798 Oh, Sy, hello. 135 00:04:46,832 --> 00:04:48,532 What's on your mind? You look troubled. 136 00:04:48,601 --> 00:04:50,201 I really need to talk to you. 137 00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:52,536 Yeah. I'm listening, Sy. You talk. 138 00:04:52,638 --> 00:04:55,773 I can't decide between getting rid of Lola and getting 139 00:04:55,808 --> 00:04:57,108 rid of the coffee maker. 140 00:04:57,142 --> 00:05:01,713 Well, you know, in Talmudic times, Rabbi Hillel was faced with a similar dilemma, 141 00:05:01,747 --> 00:05:05,917 and in his infinite wisdom, he decided to put a donation cup 142 00:05:05,951 --> 00:05:07,885 next to the coffee machine. 143 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,955 Within a few months, the coffee machine had paid for itself. 144 00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:13,191 Well, it's not that simple, Rabbi. 145 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,627 If I charge them, they're going to hate me. 146 00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:17,128 I just got them to like me. 147 00:05:17,162 --> 00:05:18,429 I want them to like me. 148 00:05:18,464 --> 00:05:19,330 Yeah. 149 00:05:19,365 --> 00:05:22,533 When I was younger, my father was in the army, 150 00:05:22,568 --> 00:05:26,371 and I had to go to a German elementary school. 151 00:05:44,523 --> 00:05:49,560 And since that time, I can't decide between what's right and being liked. 152 00:05:49,628 --> 00:05:52,130 Well, yeah, I can see that with the soldiers taking 153 00:05:52,164 --> 00:05:54,032 the kid and all that business and... Yeah. 154 00:05:54,066 --> 00:05:58,202 Okay, Sy, uh, let's circle back with you on that 155 00:05:58,237 --> 00:05:59,971 a little bit later, and we'll get that worked out for you. 156 00:06:00,005 --> 00:06:01,105 Will you think about it? 157 00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:02,073 Sure. 158 00:06:02,107 --> 00:06:03,374 - We'll, uh, get... - Hi. 159 00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:04,375 Hi. 160 00:06:04,410 --> 00:06:07,011 So, the prettiest shiksa in all of Brazil. 161 00:06:07,046 --> 00:06:09,213 I'm sure you say that to all the goysas. 162 00:06:09,982 --> 00:06:10,882 Right. 163 00:06:10,916 --> 00:06:12,517 Uh, so, uh, what can I do for you, Valerie? 164 00:06:12,551 --> 00:06:14,252 I need you to hear my confession. 165 00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:14,986 Well, yes. 166 00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:17,188 Well, that is definitely something a rabbi can do. 167 00:06:17,222 --> 00:06:20,457 Why don't you sit here with me, and we'll receive your confession. 168 00:06:20,526 --> 00:06:23,728 Forgive me, Rabbi, for I have sinned. 169 00:06:23,762 --> 00:06:26,464 You see, I have this... friend. 170 00:06:26,498 --> 00:06:28,566 Okay, let's stop there, Valerie. 171 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,001 There is no friend, is there? 172 00:06:30,035 --> 00:06:30,868 Let's be honest. 173 00:06:30,903 --> 00:06:35,172 This friend is you, and you're talking about some kind of sexual tension. 174 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,374 - Now, wait a second. - What? 175 00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:38,309 Rabbis can't have sex? 176 00:06:38,343 --> 00:06:41,544 On the contrary... Rabbis are forbidden to abstain from sex. 177 00:06:41,613 --> 00:06:44,115 You know, to procreate is our duty to the race. 178 00:06:44,149 --> 00:06:45,950 Then procreate me. 179 00:06:45,984 --> 00:06:49,487 Except for the period of Hamanesh, which is the twelve 180 00:06:49,521 --> 00:06:55,391 days where I am forbidden to partake in the carnal desires. 181 00:06:56,795 --> 00:07:00,565 However, it does end at sundown tonight. 182 00:07:00,599 --> 00:07:04,669 Well, then I guess I'll see you later, alligator. 183 00:07:07,372 --> 00:07:11,876 Oh là là, I love it when a man can speak a little French. 184 00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:13,309 I only have two hours. Sy. 185 00:07:13,378 --> 00:07:14,411 - Hmm? - Sy. 186 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,580 - Hmm? - I need to learn a little French. 187 00:07:16,648 --> 00:07:17,814 - Do you know any? - No. 188 00:07:17,883 --> 00:07:19,883 - But I can teach you some German. - Fine, fine. 189 00:07:19,952 --> 00:07:21,551 Any romance language will do. 190 00:07:26,225 --> 00:07:28,025 Okay. 191 00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:30,828 You are going to feel a little bit of pressure here. 192 00:07:30,863 --> 00:07:32,628 Ohh-kay! 193 00:07:32,698 --> 00:07:36,231 You know, this kind of reminds me of that drug bust back in Queens. You remember? 194 00:07:39,404 --> 00:07:41,038 - That's good. - Hey. 195 00:07:41,106 --> 00:07:42,240 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 196 00:07:42,274 --> 00:07:44,142 You two... You're sure you're not cops? 197 00:07:44,176 --> 00:07:46,110 What are you talking about, ese? 198 00:07:46,145 --> 00:07:47,178 Are you loco? 199 00:07:47,212 --> 00:07:49,280 We're Puerto Rican gang members, just like you. 200 00:07:49,314 --> 00:07:51,682 Hey, amigo, you want to go to Chipotle after this? 201 00:07:51,717 --> 00:07:54,385 How does that remind you of this? 202 00:07:54,419 --> 00:07:56,120 Oh, it's relevant. 203 00:07:56,155 --> 00:07:56,921 I promise. 204 00:07:56,955 --> 00:07:59,390 You just keep remembering. 205 00:07:59,424 --> 00:08:00,224 Okay. 206 00:08:00,259 --> 00:08:08,065 If you two ain't cops, then I want you to give him a prostate exam right now. 207 00:08:08,967 --> 00:08:13,004 I still don't see how that proved we weren't cops. 208 00:08:25,017 --> 00:08:27,985 I have got to figure out what kind of organ this is. 209 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:30,154 That's not an organ. 210 00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:31,322 That's a pork shoulder. 211 00:08:31,356 --> 00:08:32,490 Pork shoulder? 212 00:08:32,524 --> 00:08:35,158 Why would someone send me pork shoulder? I'm Muslim. 213 00:08:35,227 --> 00:08:36,828 "Deliver to Lola Spratt." 214 00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:38,262 Wait a second. 215 00:08:38,297 --> 00:08:39,597 Turn that label upside down. 216 00:08:39,631 --> 00:08:41,766 What? 217 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,768 Damn it, McJewjew. 218 00:08:57,316 --> 00:08:58,449 Valerie! 219 00:09:04,122 --> 00:09:06,090 Glenn, what are you doing? 220 00:09:06,124 --> 00:09:07,959 This is highly offensive, Glenn. 221 00:09:07,993 --> 00:09:10,960 - As offensive as this, Jewy? - Pork? 222 00:09:11,029 --> 00:09:13,331 Rabbis don't eat pork. 223 00:09:13,365 --> 00:09:14,398 Jewy, is this your pork? 224 00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:16,067 Is this your pork, Jewy? 225 00:09:16,101 --> 00:09:21,747 I... I know it looks kind of, uh, like a... er, uh. You see... Uhhh... 226 00:09:26,831 --> 00:09:28,846 Maybe the rules are there to protect us, after all. 227 00:09:28,881 --> 00:09:30,681 It's better you found out now. 228 00:09:30,716 --> 00:09:32,816 - It just hurts so bad. - I know. 229 00:09:33,852 --> 00:09:35,253 Maybe we can get that drink now. 230 00:09:35,287 --> 00:09:37,688 Oh, Glenn. 231 00:09:37,723 --> 00:09:39,290 I'm done with Jews. 232 00:09:42,561 --> 00:09:44,896 Besides, we work together. 233 00:09:44,930 --> 00:09:46,731 Oh! 234 00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:48,499 "Don't poop where you eat." 235 00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:50,635 It's a metaphor. 236 00:09:55,807 --> 00:09:57,474 You still got the touch. 237 00:09:57,542 --> 00:09:59,308 - Great to see you, bud. - You too. 238 00:09:59,378 --> 00:10:01,145 Hey, by the way, you do have butt cancer. 239 00:10:01,179 --> 00:10:04,315 If you don't seek treatment immediately, you're gonna die soon. 240 00:10:04,349 --> 00:10:08,185 Some for you... Some for you... Some for you... 241 00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:11,923 Some for you... And something for you. 242 00:10:11,957 --> 00:10:16,026 You're fired, Dr. Spratt, because I would rather be liked than right. 243 00:10:16,094 --> 00:10:19,931 Hey, listen up, everybody... Say goodbye to Mr. Nice Guy. 244 00:10:19,965 --> 00:10:22,732 Say hello to Mr. Coffee. 245 00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:24,368 So, Sy resolved his dilemma. 246 00:10:24,403 --> 00:10:26,336 A reference to the product! Perfect! 247 00:10:26,405 --> 00:10:29,672 By firing Lola, he could afford to keep the coffee machine. 248 00:10:29,741 --> 00:10:33,110 You could say he bought his popularity for the small price of his soul. 249 00:10:33,178 --> 00:10:35,513 I guess rules are just suggestions. 250 00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:38,849 Like, it's not literally about pooping where you eat. 251 00:10:38,884 --> 00:10:41,519 Sometimes when you're really hungry and you really have to 252 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,688 take a dump, you got to do what you got to do. 253 00:10:43,722 --> 00:10:46,357 Man, those Puerto Ricans can cook. 254 00:11:06,745 --> 00:11:10,948 Attention... Thirty days in the cooler. Hogan! 255 00:11:11,111 --> 00:11:13,185 Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com