1 00:00:01,964 --> 00:00:05,568 Welcome, friends, to the season finale of "Childrens Hospital." 2 00:00:06,103 --> 00:00:08,070 Tonight, we're doing something very special. 3 00:00:08,105 --> 00:00:11,407 We're broadcasting live, as it happens... Aah! 4 00:00:11,508 --> 00:00:12,508 Oh, my God! 5 00:00:12,542 --> 00:00:13,575 Oh, my God, David. 6 00:00:13,609 --> 00:00:16,711 Are you okay? 7 00:00:16,745 --> 00:00:19,714 I... I really hurt my head. 8 00:00:22,884 --> 00:00:24,518 No re-takes, no editing. 9 00:00:24,552 --> 00:00:28,121 You'll watch the drama unfold in real time as our actors perform it 10 00:00:28,156 --> 00:00:30,858 in front of our three cameras. 11 00:00:30,893 --> 00:00:33,395 So, ready titles. 12 00:00:33,429 --> 00:00:35,564 We're going live now. 13 00:00:38,868 --> 00:00:44,539 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 14 00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,045 Hey, Glenn, what's the matter? 15 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,249 Oh, this whole Valerie thing. I can't get over it. 16 00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:53,253 I wonder if I'll just be alone forever. 17 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,154 You can always watch television. 18 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,155 Do you like television? 19 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,390 "Big Bang Theory" has its moments. 20 00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,859 I'm a news junkie. 21 00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:04,229 You put on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, I'm done. 22 00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:05,397 Hey, can we help you? 23 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:08,133 I'm the special envoy for Sultan Habrah Bin Baneez of Sardonia. 24 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:09,134 Did you get any of that? 25 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:09,935 Gobbledygook. 26 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:10,937 There's been an emergency. 27 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:13,139 The sultan is on diplomatic business, and his index finger 28 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,508 has been severed by a deli slicer at Whole Foods. 29 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,144 Why was he using the deli slicer? 30 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,145 No time to explain. 31 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:21,782 This is the closest hospital, and you must reattach the royal finger. 32 00:01:21,850 --> 00:01:23,585 The sultan will be here in five minutes. 33 00:01:23,652 --> 00:01:25,687 But we don't have a hand surgeon here. 34 00:01:25,721 --> 00:01:27,121 We used to have one. 35 00:01:27,156 --> 00:01:30,326 Her name was Cat Black, but she died in childbirth. 36 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,228 - R-I-P. - L-O-L. 37 00:01:32,263 --> 00:01:34,398 I can do it. 38 00:01:34,432 --> 00:01:35,132 Blake? 39 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,570 Before Cat died, she taught me everything she knew about hand surgery. 40 00:01:38,637 --> 00:01:41,306 The richest and most powerful sultan in the Middle East would 41 00:01:41,374 --> 00:01:43,542 not be treated by a clown. Or a Jew. 42 00:01:43,576 --> 00:01:46,745 Fine. Suit yourself. 43 00:01:46,813 --> 00:01:49,949 Hey, Blake, you're being selfish! 44 00:01:50,017 --> 00:01:52,218 Take off the stupid makeup and do the operation. 45 00:01:52,253 --> 00:01:53,219 Oh, yeah? 46 00:01:53,254 --> 00:01:55,589 Maybe I should take off my stupid integrity too, huh? 47 00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:59,827 Hey, this man could die, and he's the only hope for 48 00:01:59,862 --> 00:02:01,028 peace in the Middle East. 49 00:02:01,063 --> 00:02:02,764 And how do you know that? 50 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,465 Because I'm a news junkie. 51 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,669 Put on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and I'm done. 52 00:02:07,703 --> 00:02:09,570 Now, what are you, Blake? 53 00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:11,372 A clown or a fool? 54 00:02:11,407 --> 00:02:13,809 Slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down! 55 00:02:16,712 --> 00:02:18,213 Camera three, camera three! 56 00:02:18,281 --> 00:02:19,916 Two cameras are down. 57 00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:22,085 Go, go, go, go, go! 58 00:02:22,119 --> 00:02:23,353 Are we gonna cut? 59 00:02:23,387 --> 00:02:23,920 We're live. 60 00:02:23,988 --> 00:02:27,290 We've got to do the whole thing with one camera. 61 00:02:27,324 --> 00:02:29,926 Well, then let's get back to what we were talking about. 62 00:02:29,994 --> 00:02:32,629 You're gonna have blood on your hands if you don't help this guy. 63 00:02:32,663 --> 00:02:34,097 I can't. I can't do this. 64 00:02:34,131 --> 00:02:35,565 You can't do the operation? 65 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,701 I can't do this, man. I can't do this, okay? 66 00:02:37,736 --> 00:02:39,536 I got... I got no theater training. 67 00:02:39,571 --> 00:02:40,571 Where is he going? 68 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:44,976 - Stay in it. - No, you stay in it! 69 00:02:45,010 --> 00:02:48,379 Well, if Blake were here, he'd say something like, 70 00:02:48,414 --> 00:02:49,547 "Owen, you do the surgery." 71 00:02:49,615 --> 00:02:53,652 And I'd say, "I can't do it. I'm not a hand specialist." 72 00:02:53,686 --> 00:02:54,719 Blah, blah, blah. 73 00:02:54,754 --> 00:02:59,057 And then, uh... And then Blake would come back with a, "Well, then he's gonna 74 00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:03,628 have to go to a different hospital," but he'd say it like he would say it. 75 00:03:03,663 --> 00:03:05,630 And we'd... Yeah, we'd just go back and forth. 76 00:03:05,665 --> 00:03:10,050 Like, I'd say a line, and then he would say a line and then... 77 00:03:11,201 --> 00:03:13,255 You're Blake? 78 00:03:13,272 --> 00:03:15,073 Because I'm a news junkie, Blake. 79 00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:19,344 Put on CNN, MSNB... Yes. 80 00:03:19,412 --> 00:03:20,912 You're the one who has to get real. 81 00:03:20,946 --> 00:03:21,546 Sorry, Owen. 82 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:23,982 You can tell them not to bother sending in the clowns because 83 00:03:24,016 --> 00:03:25,416 these colors don't run. 84 00:03:25,451 --> 00:03:26,784 Suddenly Lola runs in! 85 00:03:26,819 --> 00:03:28,353 Guys, the sultan's arriving now! 86 00:03:28,421 --> 00:03:33,324 - Guys, the sultan's arriving now... - You stand down, Blake, you coward! 87 00:03:33,359 --> 00:03:35,093 You let the real surgeons handle this. 88 00:03:35,161 --> 00:03:37,895 Yeah, come on! 89 00:03:37,963 --> 00:03:42,800 Sultan Habrah bin Baneez of Sardonia! 90 00:03:45,070 --> 00:03:48,806 Sultan would like to meet the hand specialist that will make him whole again. 91 00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:51,976 Yes, the hand specialist is not here right now. 92 00:03:52,043 --> 00:03:54,445 He's performing a very important hand job. 93 00:03:57,182 --> 00:03:59,883 Sultan would like to know where is Malik? 94 00:03:59,951 --> 00:04:02,319 Oh! Oh! Malik! 95 00:04:02,353 --> 00:04:05,790 I never knew I could love again so deeply and so out of context. 96 00:04:05,857 --> 00:04:07,057 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! 97 00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:08,259 Darling, what is it? 98 00:04:08,327 --> 00:04:11,496 The customs of my country dictate that I must marry a woman with royal blood. 99 00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:12,497 I'm sorry. 100 00:04:12,531 --> 00:04:16,301 But I do have royal blood. 101 00:04:16,335 --> 00:04:17,769 Yeah, I totally have it. 102 00:04:17,803 --> 00:04:19,304 Well, that's wonderful! 103 00:04:19,338 --> 00:04:22,874 I mean you must submit to a DNA test, but that's only a formality, of course. 104 00:04:22,942 --> 00:04:24,876 Ehh! 105 00:04:30,349 --> 00:04:32,517 No, right there! 106 00:04:32,584 --> 00:04:34,686 Who... Who am I? 107 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,855 What do I stand for? 108 00:04:36,922 --> 00:04:39,824 The makeup or the man? 109 00:04:39,858 --> 00:04:41,659 Perhaps the time has come. 110 00:04:41,694 --> 00:04:42,693 All right, all right. 111 00:04:42,761 --> 00:04:45,864 - If Gene Simmons... - Hey, I'll do it, I'll do it. Go, go, go. 112 00:04:45,898 --> 00:04:47,865 Who am I... I got it, I got it! 113 00:04:47,933 --> 00:04:50,401 Who am I, anyway... The makeup or the man? 114 00:04:50,436 --> 00:04:52,203 Perhaps the time has come. 115 00:04:52,237 --> 00:04:56,474 If Gene Simmons can take off his makeup, so can I. 116 00:04:56,509 --> 00:04:59,044 Valerie, Valerie, I can't take it anymore. 117 00:04:59,112 --> 00:04:59,778 I want you. 118 00:04:59,846 --> 00:05:02,314 I want you, too, Glenn, as a friend. 119 00:05:02,382 --> 00:05:06,284 I just... You're not self-sacrificing and gutsy enough to be my lover. 120 00:05:06,319 --> 00:05:06,751 I'm sorry. 121 00:05:06,819 --> 00:05:08,486 I am! I'm self-sacrificing. 122 00:05:08,554 --> 00:05:09,653 - No, you're not. - I am! 123 00:05:09,721 --> 00:05:13,123 The sultan is now leaving and will likely die from having no finger. 124 00:05:13,191 --> 00:05:18,028 Wait! The finger surgeon has arrived. 125 00:05:18,096 --> 00:05:20,564 And he's ready to operate. 126 00:05:20,598 --> 00:05:21,398 Oh, my God! 127 00:05:21,466 --> 00:05:23,733 I had no idea that's what you looked like with no makeup. 128 00:05:23,768 --> 00:05:29,372 Well, this is it, and it feels so good to be 100% free of that makeup. 129 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,740 Now people will judge me for the content of my character. 130 00:05:31,808 --> 00:05:33,842 Now let's get this towelhead up to the O.R., huh? 131 00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:36,477 - Let's do it! - Let's cut him open! 132 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,346 Get him to the elevator! 133 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,748 - Come on, people! - Go, go, go! 134 00:05:40,816 --> 00:05:43,117 - Push the button! - There's no time! 135 00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:46,520 Uh, attention hospital staff... The elevator, which was 136 00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:49,656 supposed to be fixed by now, apparently hasn't been fixed so 137 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,992 you have to take the stairs. 138 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,460 Stairs! 139 00:05:53,528 --> 00:05:55,728 He's not going to fit. It's not gonna fit. 140 00:05:55,762 --> 00:05:58,464 We can't take the gurney through the stairs. 141 00:05:58,498 --> 00:06:01,800 No, no, I'm good. I'm good, it's fine. 142 00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:03,802 Glenn, press the button! Third floor! 143 00:06:03,836 --> 00:06:05,437 That dialogue isn't relevant anymore. 144 00:06:05,471 --> 00:06:07,272 Oh, there's a lot of stairs. 145 00:06:07,339 --> 00:06:10,241 I think I sprained my taint. 146 00:06:10,276 --> 00:06:12,710 Oh, hi, Dr. Gaffer. 147 00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:13,911 Slow down. 148 00:06:13,979 --> 00:06:15,046 Everybody slow down. 149 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,448 I thought they were supposed to fix the elevator in this place! 150 00:06:17,516 --> 00:06:20,451 The elevator's haven't been working since they shot "Scrubs" here. 151 00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:27,158 Okay. Okay. Okay. 152 00:06:27,192 --> 00:06:28,960 Valerie, prepare the anesthetic. 153 00:06:28,994 --> 00:06:32,163 - Wait... Wait a second. - Into the O.R.! 154 00:06:32,198 --> 00:06:35,700 - Come on, come on. - One second. 155 00:06:35,768 --> 00:06:36,634 Okay! 156 00:06:36,702 --> 00:06:39,604 Come on, get the finger. Where's the finger? Who's got it? 157 00:06:39,639 --> 00:06:40,405 Where is it? 158 00:06:40,439 --> 00:06:42,807 Doctors, doctors, can I speak to you? 159 00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:44,509 I can't find the finger. 160 00:06:44,577 --> 00:06:47,245 I swear I had it, but I can't find it! 161 00:06:47,313 --> 00:06:49,849 - Well, that sucks. - I'll cut off my own finger! 162 00:06:49,883 --> 00:06:51,784 The sultan will never know the difference. 163 00:06:51,818 --> 00:06:54,753 How self-sacrificing and gutsy of you. 164 00:06:54,787 --> 00:06:56,488 That was my intention. 165 00:06:56,522 --> 00:07:01,226 Now let's go to Room 16 and cut off my finger. 166 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:06,064 - Wait. - Uh, okay, wrong door, wrong door. 167 00:07:06,132 --> 00:07:07,866 Here we go. 168 00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:12,204 Now I'm going to put my hand... 169 00:07:12,238 --> 00:07:16,568 I'm going to put my hand on the table, and... 170 00:07:16,568 --> 00:07:21,679 - Cut my finger... - Wait. Before you do that... 171 00:07:25,349 --> 00:07:29,218 Valerie. Here goes. 172 00:07:29,253 --> 00:07:30,853 Owwww! 173 00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:32,755 What a brave sacrifice. 174 00:07:32,790 --> 00:07:34,824 No, I really... I really cut my hand! 175 00:07:34,858 --> 00:07:35,958 To save a great leader! 176 00:07:35,993 --> 00:07:37,393 No, shut up, shut up! 177 00:07:37,427 --> 00:07:38,394 Shut up. I need a doctor. 178 00:07:38,462 --> 00:07:39,195 I need a real doctor. 179 00:07:39,229 --> 00:07:40,029 I'm not kidding. 180 00:07:40,097 --> 00:07:41,831 I really cut myself. 181 00:07:41,865 --> 00:07:44,401 Just in the name of love, you did it. 182 00:07:44,468 --> 00:07:45,668 Are you stupid? 183 00:07:45,736 --> 00:07:47,837 Do you understand what's happening here? 184 00:07:47,872 --> 00:07:51,040 I cut right through the bone. 185 00:07:51,108 --> 00:07:53,109 Oh, I got to go to the doctor. 186 00:07:53,176 --> 00:07:55,578 Oh, I got to go... Get out of my way! 187 00:07:55,646 --> 00:07:57,846 Well, we have Glenn's finger. 188 00:07:57,914 --> 00:07:59,014 Yes. 189 00:07:59,082 --> 00:08:02,217 We can move on to the, uh... operation scene room. 190 00:08:02,252 --> 00:08:03,385 Okay. 191 00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:05,220 Yes. 192 00:08:05,287 --> 00:08:06,387 All right, great. 193 00:08:06,455 --> 00:08:08,356 We have the finger right now, Mr. Sultan. 194 00:08:08,390 --> 00:08:09,390 Let's do this. I'm ready. 195 00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:12,027 Good. Because there's no time. We're losing him! 196 00:08:12,094 --> 00:08:14,296 Then you know what? Give me that scalpel. 197 00:08:15,298 --> 00:08:17,466 Oh, my God. Valerie, what's going on? 198 00:08:17,534 --> 00:08:21,171 You're suffering from temporary onset of arthromendicular cralosis. 199 00:08:21,205 --> 00:08:22,673 - English! - Shaky hands. 200 00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:23,273 In Hindi? 201 00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:25,843 Oy! 202 00:08:25,877 --> 00:08:28,812 It's like my brain knows what to do but my hand is junk. 203 00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:29,613 Damn it! 204 00:08:29,647 --> 00:08:32,082 There's only one other doctor that could do this procedure, 205 00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:33,083 and that's Cat Black. 206 00:08:33,117 --> 00:08:35,919 That's Cat Black to you. 207 00:08:35,986 --> 00:08:37,887 Cat! 208 00:08:37,921 --> 00:08:38,988 Oh, my God! 209 00:08:39,022 --> 00:08:39,822 Wait! 210 00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:42,291 We watched you die right here in this room. 211 00:08:42,325 --> 00:08:45,260 Oh, it's a long boring story, but the basic thing is I didn't die. 212 00:08:45,294 --> 00:08:48,196 But my brain was washed of all medical knowledge. 213 00:08:48,264 --> 00:08:50,431 - Oh. - Wait a second. That's it. 214 00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:54,169 With Blake's medical know-how and your muscle memory, 215 00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:56,104 - we just might be able to... - Wait a minute, Owen. 216 00:08:56,139 --> 00:08:57,539 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 217 00:08:57,573 --> 00:08:59,174 I assume so. I basically said it. 218 00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:02,979 - Cat, are you ready for this? - Let's do it. 219 00:09:03,013 --> 00:09:04,414 Let's go! Scramble! 220 00:09:04,448 --> 00:09:08,819 Get to your positions! 221 00:09:08,887 --> 00:09:10,087 Okay. 222 00:09:10,155 --> 00:09:13,357 Cat, take the finger. 223 00:09:13,424 --> 00:09:17,428 Now put it where his finger used to be. 224 00:09:17,462 --> 00:09:19,730 - Now suture... - Yeah. 225 00:09:19,798 --> 00:09:21,499 And sew it up. 226 00:09:21,533 --> 00:09:22,633 That's it. 227 00:09:22,668 --> 00:09:24,068 We're done! 228 00:09:26,839 --> 00:09:31,407 Malik! Malik, darling. 229 00:09:31,441 --> 00:09:33,042 Chief, we did it! 230 00:09:33,076 --> 00:09:34,143 Wonderful. 231 00:09:34,177 --> 00:09:36,445 And I'm ready for that DNA test now. 232 00:09:36,513 --> 00:09:40,582 Let's do it. Give me your finger, my love. 233 00:09:40,617 --> 00:09:45,520 I have the DNA test. 234 00:09:45,555 --> 00:09:48,623 Chief, what is this? 235 00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:51,158 Okay, okay, I'll come clean. 236 00:09:51,193 --> 00:09:52,526 I'm not royalty, Malik. 237 00:09:52,561 --> 00:09:55,663 I thought if I stole the sultan's finger I could cheat 238 00:09:55,697 --> 00:09:58,599 the DNA test and then you'd marry me. 239 00:09:58,633 --> 00:09:59,967 Do you hate me? 240 00:10:00,035 --> 00:10:01,135 Uh, yes. 241 00:10:01,169 --> 00:10:02,869 Wait. 242 00:10:02,937 --> 00:10:05,672 I have something to come clean about, too. 243 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,774 I'm not who you think I am. 244 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,309 I didn't come here as Cat Black's replacement. 245 00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:12,678 I came here to settle a score. 246 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,879 When Arthur Childrens founded this hospital, he had an 247 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:18,683 illegitimate son that he kept hidden from the hospital gentry at that time. 248 00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:25,023 For I am not Valerie Flame, daughter of Alma and Telery Flame. 249 00:10:25,757 --> 00:10:27,657 I'm Derrick Childrens! 250 00:10:27,691 --> 00:10:28,992 What? 251 00:10:29,026 --> 00:10:32,661 Long lost son of Arthur Childrens. 252 00:10:32,729 --> 00:10:36,097 Derrick Childrens. 253 00:10:36,132 --> 00:10:38,899 Derrick Childrens. 254 00:10:38,933 --> 00:10:42,002 Lucky to be a woman. 255 00:10:42,036 --> 00:10:47,105 Was the best part of my manhood, the best part of myself. 256 00:10:47,173 --> 00:10:50,274 This is one nutty hospital. 257 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,250 Uh, atten... Attention hospital staff. 258 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,885 There's a new patient coming in. 259 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,720 His name is Mr. "Philip Time," 260 00:11:02,755 --> 00:11:05,957 and he'll be here for about twenty seconds. 261 00:11:05,992 --> 00:11:10,595 That's "Phil Time" for twenty seconds. 262 00:11:17,102 --> 00:11:20,438 Um... S... Scalpel? 263 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,444 Oh, I know! I could do... 264 00:11:27,445 --> 00:11:37,445 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 265 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:41,690 Attention... You're the only one who can hear me. 266 00:11:41,725 --> 00:11:43,592 Trippy, right?