1 00:00:00,547 --> 00:00:02,681 Previously on "Childrens Hospital"... 2 00:00:02,716 --> 00:00:06,706 Detective Chance Briggs, you dirty S.O.B.! 3 00:00:06,868 --> 00:00:08,175 What's my old partner doing here? 4 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,055 - Are you sure you're not cops? - Are you loco? 5 00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,156 We're Puerto Rican gang members. 6 00:00:11,191 --> 00:00:12,992 Hey, amigo, you want to go to Chipotle after this? 7 00:00:13,026 --> 00:00:13,692 How's my son? 8 00:00:13,727 --> 00:00:15,861 You know the old joke where the patient says, 9 00:00:15,895 --> 00:00:17,930 "Will I ever be able to play the violin again?" and the doctor says, 10 00:00:17,964 --> 00:00:20,699 "Yes," and then the patient says, "Great, because I've never played before"? 11 00:00:20,734 --> 00:00:23,802 Well, your son's heart is failing. 12 00:00:23,837 --> 00:00:32,104 Sync by honeybunny Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com 13 00:00:32,112 --> 00:00:35,547 ♪ Ask myself why. ♪ 14 00:00:35,582 --> 00:00:38,951 ♪ Why can't I find what I'm looking for? ♪ 15 00:00:38,985 --> 00:00:42,521 Let's blast the crap out of this day, Dr. Richie. 16 00:00:43,556 --> 00:00:44,156 Aaaah! 17 00:00:44,190 --> 00:00:45,124 Zoom! 18 00:00:46,526 --> 00:00:47,660 No. 19 00:00:47,694 --> 00:00:49,662 Come on! Laugh! 20 00:00:49,696 --> 00:00:50,596 Damn it! Laugh! 21 00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:52,698 Stop it, Blake! It's over! 22 00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:57,670 Time of death... 23 00:00:58,605 --> 00:01:01,106 Your life is going to be very different now, Glenn. 24 00:01:01,141 --> 00:01:02,841 You are officially handicapped. 25 00:01:02,876 --> 00:01:04,143 You're a broken American. 26 00:01:06,479 --> 00:01:07,079 I don't think so. 27 00:01:07,113 --> 00:01:09,982 I just got a couple of broken fingies. 28 00:01:10,016 --> 00:01:12,117 I'm gonna be totally fine. 29 00:01:25,098 --> 00:01:26,699 Knock, knock. Who's there? 30 00:01:26,733 --> 00:01:28,200 Not Billy Johnson, because I killed him. 31 00:01:28,234 --> 00:01:30,169 What happened today wasn't your fault. 32 00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:32,771 Sometimes I wonder why the American Medical Association 33 00:01:32,806 --> 00:01:34,673 even recognizes the healing power of laughter. 34 00:01:34,708 --> 00:01:35,574 They don't. 35 00:01:35,608 --> 00:01:37,509 Well, it sometimes feels that way. 36 00:01:37,544 --> 00:01:40,012 Chief, I'm officially resigning as a member of this hospital... 37 00:01:40,046 --> 00:01:42,014 Effective immediately. 38 00:01:50,957 --> 00:01:52,825 I keep that lubed. 39 00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:55,728 Blake? 40 00:01:58,264 --> 00:02:00,232 Britches? 41 00:02:02,869 --> 00:02:04,837 - So, I guess this is it. - Why, Blake? 42 00:02:04,871 --> 00:02:07,673 Britches, we've been over this a million times. 43 00:02:07,707 --> 00:02:12,611 I got to travel the earth and bring the healing power of laughter to children. 44 00:02:12,645 --> 00:02:16,014 Plus, I really want to bang an Asian chick. 45 00:02:16,049 --> 00:02:19,685 - What are you doing here? - It's my son. He's sick. 46 00:02:19,719 --> 00:02:20,986 They say he's gonna die. 47 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:22,654 I need a doctor I can trust. 48 00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:25,924 Well, that's rough timing, Britches, because I just quit... 49 00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:27,926 Rather dramatically, too. 50 00:02:27,961 --> 00:02:29,528 I slammed a paper down, that whole deal. 51 00:02:29,562 --> 00:02:34,032 Blake... I need you... Please. 52 00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:35,768 I'll think about it. 53 00:02:35,802 --> 00:02:37,770 I said I'll think about it! 54 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,774 Excuse me. 55 00:02:41,808 --> 00:02:45,611 I have an order of sweet and sour cop with extra mustache. 56 00:02:45,645 --> 00:02:47,212 Well, well, well. 57 00:02:47,247 --> 00:02:50,616 Detective Chance Briggs, you big woman's blouse. 58 00:02:51,518 --> 00:02:53,986 - They told me you were in Iraq. - Not anymore. 59 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:54,820 Freakin' Obama. 60 00:02:54,854 --> 00:02:56,655 - I need a favor. - Anything. 61 00:02:56,689 --> 00:02:59,558 I need you to get me into Ward 8. 62 00:02:59,592 --> 00:03:03,529 Shh, shh, shhh! Shhh! 63 00:03:03,563 --> 00:03:06,064 Wait... What? 64 00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,735 His white-blood-cell count is low. 65 00:03:09,769 --> 00:03:12,738 I'm gonna start him on broad-spectrum A.B.s, 66 00:03:12,772 --> 00:03:14,506 but other than that, I'm out of options. 67 00:03:14,541 --> 00:03:15,574 Out of options? 68 00:03:15,608 --> 00:03:18,811 What happened to the clown who said we couldn't be together 69 00:03:18,845 --> 00:03:22,948 because you had to make dying people laugh and... And bang an Asian chick? 70 00:03:22,982 --> 00:03:26,485 Which I did, by the way, and it's an urban myth that 71 00:03:26,519 --> 00:03:27,920 they have sideways baginas. 72 00:03:27,954 --> 00:03:29,588 Did you say "baginas"? 73 00:03:29,622 --> 00:03:30,522 No. 74 00:03:30,557 --> 00:03:31,723 You did. 75 00:03:31,758 --> 00:03:35,694 I have a clown son that needs a clown doctor. 76 00:03:35,728 --> 00:03:39,898 Cure him the old-fashioned way. 77 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,069 - You mean with laughter, right? - I'm gonna punch you. 78 00:03:44,103 --> 00:03:48,073 I need info for a case, and the only person who's got it is in Ward 8. 79 00:03:48,107 --> 00:03:50,209 Do you even know what Ward 8 is? 80 00:03:50,243 --> 00:03:53,178 I do, but explain it as if I'm hearing it for the 81 00:03:53,213 --> 00:03:57,015 first time and was being shown images that illustrated what you were saying. 82 00:03:57,050 --> 00:03:59,451 Ward 8 is a secret wing at Childrens. 83 00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:03,789 It houses one of the world's largest populations of criminally insane children. 84 00:04:03,823 --> 00:04:07,893 Adults never go into Ward 8 because they don't come out. 85 00:04:07,927 --> 00:04:10,596 That's why I'm going in undercover. 86 00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:12,064 Hey, kid! Scram! 87 00:04:12,098 --> 00:04:15,501 - Owen... It's me. - Whoa. 88 00:04:15,535 --> 00:04:17,669 You just might pull this off. 89 00:04:17,704 --> 00:04:18,704 Okay, listen to me. 90 00:04:18,738 --> 00:04:21,874 These doors open twice a day, so once you're in there, 91 00:04:21,908 --> 00:04:23,075 there's no coming out for twelve hours. 92 00:04:23,109 --> 00:04:24,576 Thanks, partner. 93 00:04:24,611 --> 00:04:26,745 - Can you hang on to my keys? - Sure. 94 00:04:26,779 --> 00:04:28,747 And my Motorola clamshell. 95 00:04:28,781 --> 00:04:30,549 - And Arlou. - No problem. 96 00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:34,553 Criminally insane children only allowed beyond this point. 97 00:04:34,587 --> 00:04:37,523 - Lockdown commencing, five... - Hey! Good luck. 98 00:04:37,557 --> 00:04:39,024 I don't need luck. 99 00:04:39,058 --> 00:04:40,726 I'm Chance Briggs. 100 00:04:41,461 --> 00:04:43,061 That kid just stabbed me! 101 00:04:43,096 --> 00:04:45,097 Owen! 102 00:04:45,131 --> 00:04:46,098 What? 103 00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:52,137 Damn! 104 00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:53,572 Clamp. 105 00:04:53,606 --> 00:04:54,072 Aah! 106 00:04:54,107 --> 00:04:55,073 Damn! 107 00:04:56,676 --> 00:04:56,942 Damn! 108 00:04:56,976 --> 00:04:59,611 Get used to the feeling of your own hot tinkle, my friend. 109 00:04:59,646 --> 00:05:01,747 What the hell are you doing in the men's bathroom? 110 00:05:01,781 --> 00:05:04,750 You'll find that there are great freedoms to being handy-competent. 111 00:05:04,784 --> 00:05:06,451 I am not handy-competent! 112 00:05:06,486 --> 00:05:07,519 I am not handy-anything! 113 00:05:07,554 --> 00:05:12,591 I'm whol... I'm whole. 114 00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:14,593 Oh, God. 115 00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:21,033 Oh. Oh, God. 116 00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:22,067 Hey! 117 00:05:22,101 --> 00:05:25,470 People will look at you differently now... 118 00:05:25,505 --> 00:05:28,907 With a mixture of pity and disgust and a certain animal sexual 119 00:05:28,942 --> 00:05:35,013 attraction, as if they feel that they can screw your broken body 120 00:05:35,048 --> 00:05:37,015 back into working. 121 00:05:39,619 --> 00:05:41,587 Show me. 122 00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:54,433 What happened? 123 00:05:54,467 --> 00:05:57,836 - They got you with a number 2. - They stabbed me with their feces? 124 00:05:57,870 --> 00:05:59,938 - You must be new. - How'd you know? 125 00:05:59,973 --> 00:06:03,575 You weren't wearing your coloring book. 126 00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:05,944 I'm Cody, but everyone here calls me Mike. 127 00:06:05,979 --> 00:06:07,412 Why is that? 128 00:06:07,447 --> 00:06:10,317 I guess because over the course of three years, 129 00:06:11,884 --> 00:06:12,651 I abducted and murdered twelve men named Mike. 130 00:06:12,685 --> 00:06:14,553 Is... your name Mike? 131 00:06:14,587 --> 00:06:15,921 No. 132 00:06:16,889 --> 00:06:17,856 No. 133 00:06:17,890 --> 00:06:20,993 I'm, uh, Gavin. Gavin Macleod. 134 00:06:21,027 --> 00:06:27,032 I got caught jerking off in a neighbor's attic, so I murdered them. 135 00:06:27,066 --> 00:06:28,700 Yeah, I hear that. 136 00:06:28,735 --> 00:06:29,801 Attics are super-sexy. 137 00:06:29,836 --> 00:06:34,640 Mike, I'm looking for a kid named Randall Deakon. 138 00:06:34,674 --> 00:06:37,542 Look, Gavin, no one sees Randall. 139 00:06:37,577 --> 00:06:40,946 - He gets inside your head. - Mm-hmm. 140 00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:43,048 - Makes you do things. - Oh, God. 141 00:06:43,082 --> 00:06:45,117 - Terrible things. - I hear that. 142 00:06:45,151 --> 00:06:48,553 Disturbing things. 143 00:06:48,588 --> 00:06:50,522 Thank you, Easter Bunny! Bawk, bawk! 144 00:06:50,556 --> 00:06:51,156 B.P. is dropping. 145 00:06:51,190 --> 00:06:53,186 Shockingly, your rubber-chicken treatment 146 00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:54,693 couldn't prevent complete organ failure. 147 00:06:54,727 --> 00:06:57,129 You might as well have just tickled him. 148 00:06:57,163 --> 00:06:58,830 Wait a minute. 149 00:07:00,166 --> 00:07:02,567 That just might... 150 00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:17,082 B.P. is up! 151 00:07:17,116 --> 00:07:19,618 Heart rate is, too. He's totally cured. 152 00:07:19,652 --> 00:07:20,552 You did it. 153 00:07:20,586 --> 00:07:22,054 I did. 154 00:07:22,088 --> 00:07:25,691 It's 'cause I cured him the old-fashioned way. 155 00:07:32,765 --> 00:07:34,433 - What? - I said "thank you." 156 00:07:34,467 --> 00:07:34,733 Oh. 157 00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:36,368 It looked like you were mouthing it. 158 00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:37,969 Yeah, I just did that for effect. 159 00:07:38,004 --> 00:07:39,638 I don't know. I thought it was cool. 160 00:07:39,672 --> 00:07:40,672 Oh, yeah. That is cool. 161 00:07:47,547 --> 00:07:49,815 Who are you? 162 00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:51,717 I'm Gavin. 163 00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:52,984 I do bad things in the attic. 164 00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:54,953 - How old are you, Gavin? - Thirteen. 165 00:07:54,987 --> 00:07:57,789 Well, if you're thirteen, you must know what they call 166 00:07:57,824 --> 00:07:59,124 the Jonas Brother that isn't in the band. 167 00:07:59,158 --> 00:08:00,459 The bonus Jonas. 168 00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:03,095 Miley Cyrus has a tattoo under her left breast. 169 00:08:03,129 --> 00:08:05,497 - What does it say? - "Just breathe." 170 00:08:05,531 --> 00:08:06,898 Not bad. 171 00:08:06,933 --> 00:08:10,035 - Who sang "Night Moves"? - Bob Seger. 172 00:08:10,069 --> 00:08:11,737 I mean... Justin Bieber? 173 00:08:11,771 --> 00:08:13,371 What's "Night Moves"? 174 00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:14,005 Crap. 175 00:08:15,742 --> 00:08:16,808 Please! 176 00:08:16,843 --> 00:08:18,910 What's the matter, Gavin? 177 00:08:18,945 --> 00:08:20,078 You look sick. 178 00:08:20,113 --> 00:08:22,914 Maybe you need some medication. 179 00:08:22,949 --> 00:08:25,083 Grimace, let's give him my meds. 180 00:08:25,118 --> 00:08:27,085 All of them. 181 00:08:42,635 --> 00:08:44,603 Damn it. 182 00:08:46,572 --> 00:08:48,707 You ready for a little afternoon delight? 183 00:08:48,741 --> 00:08:51,810 And by "delight," I mean I cripple-bang you in a tub built for safety. 184 00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:53,745 - It's over, Glenn. - What? 185 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,981 It was just a sprain. You're gonna be fine. 186 00:08:56,015 --> 00:08:56,882 So what? 187 00:08:56,916 --> 00:08:59,818 No more making love in cars parked as close as possible to stores? 188 00:08:59,852 --> 00:09:01,920 Glenn, I'm not attracted to whole people. 189 00:09:01,954 --> 00:09:05,490 You are now gross to me. 190 00:09:05,525 --> 00:09:06,491 Fine. 191 00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:07,726 I'll see myself out. 192 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,895 No! 193 00:09:13,666 --> 00:09:16,434 Chief, this is for us. 194 00:09:16,469 --> 00:09:16,768 Ow! 195 00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:19,938 Quick! Use my vagina as a splint! 196 00:09:22,375 --> 00:09:23,542 Come on. 197 00:09:23,576 --> 00:09:27,012 Where are you, Briggs? 198 00:09:27,046 --> 00:09:27,746 Briggs. 199 00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:30,115 Preparing for evening lockdown. 200 00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:32,384 Briggs! Come on, buddy! 201 00:09:32,418 --> 00:09:35,453 - Aah! - No! 202 00:09:35,488 --> 00:09:37,522 No, Briggs! 203 00:09:38,858 --> 00:09:40,458 Briggs, come on! 204 00:09:41,794 --> 00:09:44,896 Stop stabbing him! 205 00:09:44,931 --> 00:09:46,398 No, Briggs! 206 00:09:46,432 --> 00:09:47,699 - Mike! - Run, Gavin! 207 00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:49,134 - Mike! - Get out of here! 208 00:09:49,168 --> 00:09:50,535 What are you doing?! 209 00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:52,404 - They'll kill you! - I'll be fine! Just go! 210 00:09:52,438 --> 00:09:54,840 You can make it, buddy! 211 00:09:54,874 --> 00:09:56,842 Aah! 212 00:09:56,876 --> 00:09:59,678 Aaah! 213 00:09:59,712 --> 00:10:00,912 I need some help here! 214 00:10:00,947 --> 00:10:02,814 We got a patient with multiple stab wounds. 215 00:10:02,849 --> 00:10:03,515 Prep the O.R. 216 00:10:03,549 --> 00:10:04,115 No! 217 00:10:04,150 --> 00:10:06,918 Owen, it's okay. 218 00:10:06,953 --> 00:10:08,920 A friend taught me that. 219 00:10:12,658 --> 00:10:14,426 Classic Mike. 220 00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:17,662 - Hey. - Hey. 221 00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:19,764 Listen, um, I want to thank you. 222 00:10:19,799 --> 00:10:22,767 You really restored my faith in the healing power of laughter. 223 00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:23,535 I'm glad. 224 00:10:23,569 --> 00:10:25,537 Thank you. 225 00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:29,808 Wh... What are you doing? 226 00:10:29,842 --> 00:10:31,610 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 227 00:10:31,644 --> 00:10:34,646 - I thought that's where this was going. - I'm happily married. 228 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,515 - I'm so embarrassed. - It's okay. I'm flattered. 229 00:10:38,517 --> 00:10:41,019 Okay, well... Thank you. 230 00:10:42,221 --> 00:10:44,189 You're welcome. 231 00:10:47,126 --> 00:10:48,026 Blake! 232 00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:49,127 Really? 233 00:10:49,161 --> 00:10:51,763 - I thought you were kidding. - No, no. I'm not kidding. 234 00:10:51,797 --> 00:10:53,131 Okay. Okay. I get it. 235 00:10:53,165 --> 00:10:53,965 I get it, okay? 236 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,534 - Happily married. - Okay. 237 00:10:56,569 --> 00:10:57,669 Thank you. 238 00:10:59,472 --> 00:11:01,373 Are you stupid for a living?! 239 00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:10,473 Sync by honeybunny Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com 240 00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:14,519 Damn! 241 00:11:14,553 --> 00:11:16,788 Attention, hospital staff. 242 00:11:16,822 --> 00:11:20,592 I mean the literal staff, like the kind Moses carried.