1 00:00:00,715 --> 00:00:02,749 Previously on "Childrens Hospital" -- 2 00:00:02,751 --> 00:00:04,476 Remember the Childrens Hospital doctors, 3 00:00:04,596 --> 00:00:05,685 Lola and her boyfriend, Glenn? 4 00:00:05,687 --> 00:00:06,920 Glenn's a guy that fools around 5 00:00:06,922 --> 00:00:07,887 with everyone but his girlfriend, Lola, 6 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:10,123 so Lola's taken up with Brian, 7 00:00:10,243 --> 00:00:11,447 Childrens Hospital's black heart surgeon, 8 00:00:11,567 --> 00:00:14,343 who, in turn, has been busy with Lola's best friend, Valerie. 9 00:00:14,463 --> 00:00:15,795 Of course, Lola doesn't know 10 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,531 Brian's been busy with Valerie and that Glenn's been busy with everyone, 11 00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:20,967 so Lola spends some awkward moments with Cat. 12 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,794 Valerie flame sure is a classy lady. 13 00:00:22,914 --> 00:00:25,292 There's Cat again. She swears she once saw a ghost. 14 00:00:25,412 --> 00:00:27,170 Maybe she just saw Owen. He's really pale. 15 00:00:27,221 --> 00:00:29,609 This is hospital administrator Sy Mittleman speaking at one of 16 00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:32,302 his laughter conventions. This paramedic's really 17 00:00:32,422 --> 00:00:33,193 afraid of doors. There he goes. 18 00:00:33,247 --> 00:00:35,315 Don't go through that door! There's the Childrens Hospital garden, 19 00:00:35,371 --> 00:00:37,217 so lush and full and teeming with life. 20 00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:38,985 Great job, Andrew. Then there's this room. 21 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,554 It's got a toilet, some toilet paper on a roll, a clown eating a burrito. 22 00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,123 Look at these doctors here. 23 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,457 They seem to be having a good time. 24 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,204 And this guy's like, "Hey, I'm confident." 25 00:00:46,324 --> 00:00:47,468 He's a kid. There's another kid. 26 00:00:47,588 --> 00:00:48,928 That kid's looking right into the camera. 27 00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:50,330 Oh, look -- that dog can stand up. 28 00:00:50,916 --> 00:00:53,726 All this and more on this week's "Childrens Hospital." 29 00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:58,881 Sync by honeybunny Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com 30 00:01:01,514 --> 00:01:02,824 Happy Birthday, kid. 31 00:01:02,944 --> 00:01:04,277 You finally turned 18. 32 00:01:04,279 --> 00:01:05,912 Now they're allowed to execute you, 33 00:01:05,914 --> 00:01:08,782 so my sympathies. 34 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,965 "Sorry, you're gonna die. Love, your cellmate" 35 00:01:12,488 --> 00:01:14,421 Happy Birthday, Erica. 36 00:01:14,423 --> 00:01:15,989 We found a heart donor for you. 37 00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:17,257 And if everything goes well with 38 00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,292 the transplant, you'll have a healthy new heart 39 00:01:19,294 --> 00:01:20,152 by this afternoon. 40 00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:22,429 It's going to be an 18th birthday to remember. 41 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:26,733 Yeah, whether she lives or dies, but especially if she dies. 42 00:01:26,735 --> 00:01:27,333 See ya. 43 00:01:27,575 --> 00:01:31,471 Attention, hospital staff: Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. 44 00:01:31,473 --> 00:01:34,140 This transplant better arrive soon. 45 00:01:34,142 --> 00:01:40,365 The charter only allows us to treat minors, Val, and this kid turns 18 at 2:00 today. 46 00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:44,551 - After that... We kick her out. - But couldn't we make an exception? 47 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,519 I mean, we're talking a matter of minutes. 48 00:01:46,521 --> 00:01:50,256 Once we start playing loosey-goosey with the charter, things will snowball. 49 00:01:50,258 --> 00:01:51,858 Look what happened in Nazi Germany. 50 00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:54,427 No, Val. Not on my watch. 51 00:01:54,429 --> 00:01:57,397 - Well, I just hope -- - Not on my watch. 52 00:01:58,233 --> 00:01:59,332 - Well, I -- - Not. 53 00:02:00,068 --> 00:02:01,234 - I just -- - On. 54 00:02:02,337 --> 00:02:04,270 - I just hope the heart gets here. - My watch. 55 00:02:04,272 --> 00:02:05,672 Dismissed. 56 00:02:05,674 --> 00:02:08,387 I just hope the heart gets here in time. 57 00:02:08,977 --> 00:02:11,044 - Morning, guys. - Good morning. 58 00:02:11,046 --> 00:02:13,101 I'm working a double today. 59 00:02:13,221 --> 00:02:15,381 - Hey, does anybody want a ride? - You have to work a double 60 00:02:15,383 --> 00:02:17,269 on Father's Day? That's awful. 61 00:02:17,389 --> 00:02:18,799 Did you cancel plans with your dad? 62 00:02:18,857 --> 00:02:20,952 I'm taking my dad to see "Love Letters" with 63 00:02:20,954 --> 00:02:21,953 Cathy Rigby and Zach Braff. 64 00:02:21,955 --> 00:02:23,012 So the four of you are going? 65 00:02:23,132 --> 00:02:24,455 I don't celebrate Father's Day. 66 00:02:25,025 --> 00:02:26,591 You don't believe in fathers? 67 00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:28,496 Where do you think babies come from? 68 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:29,568 She must mean metaphorically. 69 00:02:29,688 --> 00:02:30,547 How could that be a metaphor? 70 00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:35,669 Example: "The storm cloud is a roaring lion guarding its prey." 71 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,504 Now, if I had said "like a roaring lion" that would be a...? 72 00:02:39,506 --> 00:02:40,420 Brian? 73 00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,948 - Um, simile? - Very good, Brian. 74 00:02:43,068 --> 00:02:44,842 Okay, guys. A quiz tomorrow. 75 00:02:44,844 --> 00:02:46,615 I want everyone to look at chapter 3. 76 00:02:46,735 --> 00:02:50,281 Look, I haven't seen my dad since I was a little girl, okay? 77 00:02:50,283 --> 00:02:51,915 Let's just leave it at that. 78 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,840 What a tragedy. 79 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:59,205 As her friends, we owe it to her to track down her dad 80 00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:00,758 and to bring him to her. 81 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,461 Let's spend a lot of time doing that. 82 00:03:03,463 --> 00:03:04,109 Mm-hmm. 83 00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:07,632 Good morning, my pee-meisters. 84 00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:10,568 Look at this. We only have 200 more gallons of 85 00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:13,171 urine in order to reach this year's goal. 86 00:03:13,173 --> 00:03:14,076 What's does that remind you off? 87 00:03:14,196 --> 00:03:15,533 Let your pee-pee do the pee-pee. 88 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:18,309 You're a babbling brook -- a warm babbling brook. 89 00:03:18,311 --> 00:03:19,516 Put your hand right in there. 90 00:03:19,636 --> 00:03:21,137 Huh? Doesn't that feel good? 91 00:03:21,257 --> 00:03:22,757 Ooh! Hoo! 92 00:03:22,877 --> 00:03:24,735 I have to go. 93 00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:27,452 I'm peeing. 94 00:03:27,454 --> 00:03:29,935 I need help in room 4 -- Quick. 95 00:03:30,055 --> 00:03:32,359 - Patient is in arrest. - On it. 96 00:03:35,038 --> 00:03:37,829 What are you doing? 97 00:03:37,949 --> 00:03:40,413 - What's going on? - There's no patient. 98 00:03:40,533 --> 00:03:42,195 Cat, say hello to your father. 99 00:03:42,315 --> 00:03:44,158 Surprise! Yeah. 100 00:03:44,278 --> 00:03:46,936 Cat, we found your dad. Don't you love us? 101 00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:49,507 - This is not my father. - That's not my daughter. 102 00:03:50,018 --> 00:03:52,910 I haven't seen my child in a long time, but I know she's black. 103 00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:55,534 Well, that's something you could've mentioned in the pre-interview. 104 00:03:57,479 --> 00:03:59,183 How did we mess that one up? 105 00:03:59,457 --> 00:04:01,866 Yeah. Hey, Hal. They're about to execute him now, 106 00:04:01,986 --> 00:04:04,055 and when they do, I'll slice out his black heart and bring it to you. 107 00:04:04,175 --> 00:04:06,195 I don't want that kid to die. 108 00:04:06,752 --> 00:04:08,462 Hi. How are you? No, no. 109 00:04:08,521 --> 00:04:10,786 This kid I do want to die, as quickly as possible. 110 00:04:11,396 --> 00:04:13,201 Hey, speaking of which, are you moving slowly on purpose? 111 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:16,249 Because, uh, I got your number, all right? 112 00:04:16,369 --> 00:04:20,996 - Wow. He's milking this one. - You got any last words, son? 113 00:04:21,323 --> 00:04:25,680 Um, yeah. I want to say I'm sorry 114 00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:29,011 to the families of my victims. I know that there's never 115 00:04:29,131 --> 00:04:34,334 a reason for murder and even less of an excuse when the victim was such a good man. 116 00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:36,059 Still less when it was many 117 00:04:36,179 --> 00:04:40,446 dozens of victims, each killed for no particular reason. 118 00:04:40,566 --> 00:04:43,163 And then you add to that they were a collection of 119 00:04:43,535 --> 00:04:46,479 honor students and peace corps volunteers and 120 00:04:47,109 --> 00:04:51,002 Doctors Without Borders, Jerry of Ben & Jerry's... 121 00:04:54,357 --> 00:04:56,416 - I really hope that heart gets here in-- - Not on my watch. 122 00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:58,843 - I really hope -- - Not. 123 00:04:59,345 --> 00:05:01,679 - I really hope -- - On... my watch. 124 00:05:02,615 --> 00:05:04,177 I really hope that heart gets here -- 125 00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:08,779 Oh, Dr. Maestro, don't forget 126 00:05:08,899 --> 00:05:11,783 the urine drive today. We need every last drop if 127 00:05:11,903 --> 00:05:13,417 - we're gonna make our goal. - Oh, I don't think I can, Dori. 128 00:05:13,537 --> 00:05:16,545 I just got my navel pierced, so I'm kind of disqualified. 129 00:05:16,557 --> 00:05:17,684 Plus, I have AIDS. 130 00:05:17,701 --> 00:05:20,276 - What's with the roller skates? - Oh, well, I have this tray of 131 00:05:20,396 --> 00:05:22,789 uncovered urine samples I have to bring to Sy, and I figured 132 00:05:22,909 --> 00:05:25,232 - it would be faster on skates. - Dori, I don't think 133 00:05:25,352 --> 00:05:27,385 that's such a good idea. You're nine months pregnant, 134 00:05:27,505 --> 00:05:29,631 and they just waxed the floor, plus some kid spilled 135 00:05:29,751 --> 00:05:33,568 - a bucket of marbles down there. - What could possibly go wrong? 136 00:05:35,754 --> 00:05:38,520 [Bleep] Classic Dori. 137 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,844 It's just like Senior Prom all over again. 138 00:05:41,964 --> 00:05:45,123 Attention, hospital staff: I'm not the regular announcer. 139 00:05:45,243 --> 00:05:47,889 - That is all. - Cat, great news. 140 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,112 This is your biological dad. 141 00:05:52,232 --> 00:05:54,069 What is wrong with you guys? 142 00:05:54,189 --> 00:05:55,633 This is the same guy from before. 143 00:05:56,569 --> 00:05:57,769 God damn it. 144 00:05:57,889 --> 00:05:59,764 We -- We screwed up again. 145 00:05:59,884 --> 00:06:02,273 - Brian, I think this is your dad. - Right. 146 00:06:02,393 --> 00:06:05,243 That's right. Happy Father's Day, Pop. 147 00:06:05,567 --> 00:06:08,061 - Thanks, Bri. - When are you gonna stop this? 148 00:06:08,181 --> 00:06:09,914 No, don't you worry! 149 00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:13,114 - We will never stop this! - When you get down to it, 150 00:06:13,154 --> 00:06:17,288 it's like, what is life but just a collection of moments? 151 00:06:17,408 --> 00:06:21,192 We've explored more of our moon than our own oceans. 152 00:06:21,312 --> 00:06:24,384 Hmm? Oceans truly are the last frontier. 153 00:06:28,119 --> 00:06:30,586 Oh, there's Dori. You know what? 154 00:06:30,706 --> 00:06:33,070 We're not gonna make it. 155 00:06:33,190 --> 00:06:35,640 I wrung my clothes out, but I only got about a liter. 156 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,853 - I am so sorry, Sy. - Oh, it's not your fault 157 00:06:38,973 --> 00:06:41,562 that you ran into a tray of urine while pregnant wearing 158 00:06:41,591 --> 00:06:44,148 roller skates. It could happen to no one. 159 00:06:44,268 --> 00:06:46,966 You know what? Just shut down the urine drive. 160 00:06:47,086 --> 00:06:49,049 Wait! Wait! I have an idea. 161 00:06:49,088 --> 00:06:50,936 - Yeah. - We can try and get Owen to donate. 162 00:06:51,056 --> 00:06:52,408 Doesn't he have AIDS? 163 00:06:52,528 --> 00:06:53,866 - We could do it anyway. - Okay. Fine. 164 00:06:53,986 --> 00:06:55,019 - Okay. - Try that. 165 00:06:55,139 --> 00:06:59,363 The oceans and fish, deep-dish pizzas. 166 00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:02,151 Baba booey! Baba booey! Howard Stern's penis! 167 00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:14,011 Great execution, guys. I'm being sarcastic. 168 00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:16,189 Cat, could you come in here? 169 00:07:16,309 --> 00:07:17,782 Brian, the man in that room is your father. 170 00:07:17,902 --> 00:07:19,624 What? Oh. Hey, Pop! 171 00:07:19,744 --> 00:07:21,552 - Happy Father's Day. - Thanks, Bri. 172 00:07:23,809 --> 00:07:26,068 Got the heart -- Finally. 173 00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:28,766 Great. Let's work fast, before Chief cuts us off. 174 00:07:28,886 --> 00:07:29,861 Time's up, everybody. 175 00:07:29,981 --> 00:07:32,919 Instruments down. I said instruments down! 176 00:07:33,470 --> 00:07:35,876 As of this moment, this patient is no longer a minor and, 177 00:07:35,996 --> 00:07:39,534 therefore, trespassing. Get her out of here, or I'm calling security. 178 00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:41,305 Happy Birthday, kid. 179 00:07:41,425 --> 00:07:43,341 Ha ha! Chloroform! 180 00:07:45,202 --> 00:07:47,044 She's out. 181 00:07:47,164 --> 00:07:49,382 - Let's cut. - Wait. Hold it! 182 00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,836 Before you do -- Owen, I need your pee. 183 00:07:51,956 --> 00:07:56,579 Look, I can't, okay? I get pee-sick. 184 00:07:56,699 --> 00:07:58,854 All right. I was born without a bladder. 185 00:07:58,974 --> 00:08:02,596 God! What do you guys want?! I'm scared of needles, okay?! 186 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,559 I'm a grown man, and I'm scared of needles! 187 00:08:04,679 --> 00:08:06,684 I'm sorry! Are you happy?! 188 00:08:06,804 --> 00:08:09,233 There are no needles. You pee in a cup. 189 00:08:09,353 --> 00:08:10,562 Oh, let's do it that way. 190 00:08:10,682 --> 00:08:12,926 Come on. Carry on. 191 00:08:14,998 --> 00:08:17,556 We all deserve a second chance. 192 00:08:19,994 --> 00:08:24,327 No. Not on my watch. Not on my -- 193 00:08:25,118 --> 00:08:28,744 Second chances are just first chances, 194 00:08:28,864 --> 00:08:30,872 plus another chance. 195 00:08:31,422 --> 00:08:35,958 Speaking of chances, Cat decided she was finally ready to take one herself. 196 00:08:37,165 --> 00:08:38,325 Hey, Dad. 197 00:08:38,445 --> 00:08:40,243 Happy Father's Day. Yeah. 198 00:08:40,363 --> 00:08:41,894 I'll meet you there in an hour, okay? 199 00:08:42,014 --> 00:08:44,661 She was finally ready to come clean about her father. 200 00:08:44,781 --> 00:08:47,505 Turns out he was closer than we could ever have known. 201 00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:52,899 I'll meet you there. Oh, this is gonna be a very special Father's Day. 202 00:08:56,363 --> 00:09:00,524 Sometimes a second chance comes in the form of someone else's heart. 203 00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:04,286 Does it matter that the heart once belonged to a serial murderer? 204 00:09:04,757 --> 00:09:06,873 Yeah, I-- I would say definitely, yeah. 205 00:09:06,993 --> 00:09:09,428 And children all over the world 206 00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:13,785 got a second chance to have the urine they so desperately needed. 207 00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:17,749 - Happy Father's Day, Daddy. - Thank you, sweetie. 208 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,541 Did you get ahold of that heroin I was asking you about? 209 00:09:23,888 --> 00:09:28,695 - Yes. - So, were you able to find my daughter? 210 00:09:28,815 --> 00:09:30,281 I sure did. 211 00:09:30,401 --> 00:09:31,485 And she's here. 212 00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:41,431 - Brian's father is my daughter? - Yeah. 213 00:09:43,647 --> 00:09:45,417 Samantha. 214 00:09:47,597 --> 00:09:49,581 I missed you, Daddy! 215 00:09:50,503 --> 00:09:59,692 ♪ My father says a soldier is someone with an inner strength. ♪ 216 00:10:09,555 --> 00:10:11,355 Is that it? 217 00:10:13,526 --> 00:10:15,074 Let me help with that. 218 00:10:15,194 --> 00:10:17,161 There you go. Okay. Breathe. 219 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,697 - Thanks, Dad. - Thank you. 220 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:26,846 ♪ But I know there's something good in me. ♪ 221 00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,983 ♪ There's something good in me. ♪ 222 00:10:31,103 --> 00:10:32,812 Attention, hospital staff: 223 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,087 Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. 224 00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:38,036 Seriously, gift horses are very dangerous. 225 00:10:38,156 --> 00:10:41,087 'Cause I'm Chief, and I'm club-footed. 226 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:44,121 I can't get some action, 227 00:10:44,123 --> 00:10:45,391 but now I can. 228 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,087 Wait a minute. What... 229 00:10:47,726 --> 00:10:49,990 Valerie!