Previously on "Childrens Hospital" --
Remember the Childrens Hospital doctors,
Lola and her boyfriend, Glenn?
Glenn's a guy that fools around
with everyone but his girlfriend, Lola,
so Lola's taken up with Brian,
Childrens Hospital's black heart surgeon,
who, in turn, has been busy with Lola's best friend, Valerie.
Of course, Lola doesn't know
Brian's been busy with Valerie and that Glenn's been busy with everyone,
so Lola spends some awkward moments with Cat.
Valerie flame sure is a classy lady.
There's Cat again. She swears she once saw a ghost.
Maybe she just saw Owen. He's really pale.
This is hospital administrator Sy Mittleman speaking at one of
his laughter conventions. This paramedic's really
afraid of doors. There he goes.
Don't go through that door! There's the Childrens Hospital garden,
so lush and full and teeming with life.
Great job, Andrew. Then there's this room.
It's got a toilet, some toilet paper on a roll, a clown eating a burrito.
Look at these doctors here.
They seem to be having a good time.
And this guy's like, "Hey, I'm confident."
He's a kid. There's another kid.
That kid's looking right into the camera.
Oh, look -- that dog can stand up.
All this and more on this week's "Childrens Hospital."
Sync by honeybunny Corrected by icephoenix www.addic7ed.com
Happy Birthday, kid.
You finally turned 18.
Now they're allowed to execute you,
so my sympathies.
"Sorry, you're gonna die. Love, your cellmate"
Happy Birthday, Erica.
We found a heart donor for you.
And if everything goes well with
the transplant, you'll have a healthy new heart
by this afternoon.
It's going to be an 18th birthday to remember.
Yeah, whether she lives or dies, but especially if she dies.
See ya.
Attention, hospital staff: Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
This transplant better arrive soon.
The charter only allows us to treat minors, Val, and this kid turns 18 at 2:00 today.
- After that... We kick her out. - But couldn't we make an exception?
I mean, we're talking a matter of minutes.
Once we start playing loosey-goosey with the charter, things will snowball.
Look what happened in Nazi Germany.
No, Val. Not on my watch.
- Well, I just hope -- - Not on my watch.
- Well, I -- - Not.
- I just -- - On.
- I just hope the heart gets here. - My watch.
Dismissed.
I just hope the heart gets here in time.
- Morning, guys. - Good morning.
I'm working a double today.
- Hey, does anybody want a ride? - You have to work a double
on Father's Day? That's awful.
Did you cancel plans with your dad?
I'm taking my dad to see "Love Letters" with
Cathy Rigby and Zach Braff.
So the four of you are going?
I don't celebrate Father's Day.
You don't believe in fathers?
Where do you think babies come from?
She must mean metaphorically.
How could that be a metaphor?
Example: "The storm cloud is a roaring lion guarding its prey."
Now, if I had said "like a roaring lion" that would be a...?
Brian?
- Um, simile? - Very good, Brian.
Okay, guys. A quiz tomorrow.
I want everyone to look at chapter 3.
Look, I haven't seen my dad since I was a little girl, okay?
Let's just leave it at that.
What a tragedy.
As her friends, we owe it to her to track down her dad
and to bring him to her.
Let's spend a lot of time doing that.
Mm-hmm.
Good morning, my pee-meisters.
Look at this. We only have 200 more gallons of
urine in order to reach this year's goal.
What's does that remind you off?
Let your pee-pee do the pee-pee.
You're a babbling brook -- a warm babbling brook.
Put your hand right in there.
Huh? Doesn't that feel good?
Ooh! Hoo!
I have to go.
I'm peeing.
I need help in room 4 -- Quick.
- Patient is in arrest. - On it.
What are you doing?
- What's going on? - There's no patient.
Cat, say hello to your father.
Surprise! Yeah.
Cat, we found your dad. Don't you love us?
- This is not my father. - That's not my daughter.
I haven't seen my child in a long time, but I know she's black.
Well, that's something you could've mentioned in the pre-interview.
How did we mess that one up?
Yeah. Hey, Hal. They're about to execute him now,
and when they do, I'll slice out his black heart and bring it to you.
I don't want that kid to die.
Hi. How are you? No, no.
This kid I do want to die, as quickly as possible.
Hey, speaking of which, are you moving slowly on purpose?
Because, uh, I got your number, all right?
- Wow. He's milking this one. - You got any last words, son?
Um, yeah. I want to say I'm sorry
to the families of my victims. I know that there's never
a reason for murder and even less of an excuse when the victim was such a good man.
Still less when it was many
dozens of victims, each killed for no particular reason.
And then you add to that they were a collection of
honor students and peace corps volunteers and
Doctors Without Borders, Jerry of Ben & Jerry's...
- I really hope that heart gets here in-- - Not on my watch.
- I really hope -- - Not.
- I really hope -- - On... my watch.
I really hope that heart gets here --
Oh, Dr. Maestro, don't forget
the urine drive today. We need every last drop if
- we're gonna make our goal. - Oh, I don't think I can, Dori.
I just got my navel pierced, so I'm kind of disqualified.
Plus, I have AIDS.
- What's with the roller skates? - Oh, well, I have this tray of
uncovered urine samples I have to bring to Sy, and I figured
- it would be faster on skates. - Dori, I don't think
that's such a good idea. You're nine months pregnant,
and they just waxed the floor, plus some kid spilled
- a bucket of marbles down there. - What could possibly go wrong?
[Bleep] Classic Dori.
It's just like Senior Prom all over again.
Attention, hospital staff: I'm not the regular announcer.
- That is all. - Cat, great news.
This is your biological dad.
What is wrong with you guys?
This is the same guy from before.
God damn it.
We -- We screwed up again.
- Brian, I think this is your dad. - Right.
That's right. Happy Father's Day, Pop.
- Thanks, Bri. - When are you gonna stop this?
No, don't you worry!
- We will never stop this! - When you get down to it,
it's like, what is life but just a collection of moments?
We've explored more of our moon than our own oceans.
Hmm? Oceans truly are the last frontier.
Oh, there's Dori. You know what?
We're not gonna make it.
I wrung my clothes out, but I only got about a liter.
- I am so sorry, Sy. - Oh, it's not your fault
that you ran into a tray of urine while pregnant wearing
roller skates. It could happen to no one.
You know what? Just shut down the urine drive.
Wait! Wait! I have an idea.
- Yeah. - We can try and get Owen to donate.
Doesn't he have AIDS?
- We could do it anyway. - Okay. Fine.
- Okay. - Try that.
The oceans and fish, deep-dish pizzas.
Baba booey! Baba booey! Howard Stern's penis!
Great execution, guys. I'm being sarcastic.
Cat, could you come in here?
Brian, the man in that room is your father.
What? Oh. Hey, Pop!
- Happy Father's Day. - Thanks, Bri.
Got the heart -- Finally.
Great. Let's work fast, before Chief cuts us off.
Time's up, everybody.
Instruments down. I said instruments down!
As of this moment, this patient is no longer a minor and,
therefore, trespassing. Get her out of here, or I'm calling security.
Happy Birthday, kid.
Ha ha! Chloroform!
She's out.
- Let's cut. - Wait. Hold it!
Before you do -- Owen, I need your pee.
Look, I can't, okay? I get pee-sick.
All right. I was born without a bladder.
God! What do you guys want?! I'm scared of needles, okay?!
I'm a grown man, and I'm scared of needles!
I'm sorry! Are you happy?!
There are no needles. You pee in a cup.
Oh, let's do it that way.
Come on. Carry on.
We all deserve a second chance.
No. Not on my watch. Not on my --
Second chances are just first chances,
plus another chance.
Speaking of chances, Cat decided she was finally ready to take one herself.
Hey, Dad.
Happy Father's Day. Yeah.
I'll meet you there in an hour, okay?
She was finally ready to come clean about her father.
Turns out he was closer than we could ever have known.
I'll meet you there. Oh, this is gonna be a very special Father's Day.
Sometimes a second chance comes in the form of someone else's heart.
Does it matter that the heart once belonged to a serial murderer?
Yeah, I-- I would say definitely, yeah.
And children all over the world
got a second chance to have the urine they so desperately needed.
- Happy Father's Day, Daddy. - Thank you, sweetie.
Did you get ahold of that heroin I was asking you about?
- Yes. - So, were you able to find my daughter?
I sure did.
And she's here.
- Brian's father is my daughter? - Yeah.
Samantha.
I missed you, Daddy!
♪ My father says a soldier is someone with an inner strength. ♪
Is that it?
Let me help with that.
There you go. Okay. Breathe.
- Thanks, Dad. - Thank you.
♪ But I know there's something good in me. ♪
♪ There's something good in me. ♪
Attention, hospital staff:
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Seriously, gift horses are very dangerous.
'Cause I'm Chief, and I'm club-footed.
I can't get some action,
but now I can.
Wait a minute. What...
Valerie!