1
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<i>Previously on Childrens Hospital...</i>

2
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A sexy handicapped doctor...

3
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I'd like to show her
my sexy costume.

4
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No, no, Chief!
It -- it's me -- Chet.

5
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Oh, my gosh.
Thank God.

6
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I'd like to take this opportunity
to invite myself to

7
00:00:15,654 --> 00:00:16,853
the wedding you're going to.

8
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- Oh, I don't --
- Now, you can't say no

9
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because I know you've asked everybody,
and you're in a real jam,

10
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and you're afraid of
offending me...

11
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And I might also be dangerous.

12
00:00:26,598 --> 00:00:28,564
And I might also be dangerous.

13
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Sync, corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com

14
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This is actually an emergency.

15
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My daughter needs help now.

16
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Oh, okay.
Which one's your daughter again?

17
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- What do we got?
- Nine-year-old, unconscious.

18
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Now, there's no sign of
head or spinal trauma.

19
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Hey, sick-person delivery boy,
not interested.

20
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Someone get this bald dildo
out of here, huh?

21
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Can you imagine a dildo
without hair?

22
00:00:51,423 --> 00:00:54,223
- Yeah! Yeah, I know!
- You don't laugh with us!

23
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Still.

24
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What is it that you wanted?

25
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I am begging you.

26
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My daughter needs treatment now!

27
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- D'oh! Watch where you're going!
- Sorry.

28
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- Hey, Chief.
- Oh, hey, Chuck.

29
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My name is Chet.

30
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Actually, I wanted to ask you
a question.

31
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Um, you put stuff in your mouth,
right?

32
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Because I know this cozy little
spot where we can sit across

33
00:01:25,590 --> 00:01:28,424
from each other, and you can
shove stuff in your mouth,

34
00:01:28,426 --> 00:01:30,653
and I'll shove stuff into my mouth.

35
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And then we'll bite down on it
a bunch of times like this.

36
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Aar! Aar!

37
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Hey, Chimp.

38
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Your ambulance is blocking
my driveway,

39
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and your presence is blocking
my peace of mind.

40
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Could you move them both,
please? Thank you.

41
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It's not okay. Okay! Okay!

42
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Get in there! All right!
I want you to admit my daughter!

43
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<i>They say that there's
someone out there for everyone.</i>

44
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<i>For every puzzle piece,
there's another one that fits it just right.</i>

45
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<i>But not for me.</i>

46
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<i>Someday, a real storm will come
and smash those puzzle pieces up.</i>

47
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<i>Then they'll be broken,
just like me, and they'll --</i>

48
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- Talking to yourself again?
- Oh, God! You scared me, Shane.

49
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You didn't ask "Chief" out,
did you?

50
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No, I tried to, but...
I got interrupted.

51
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When you want something,
you got to just take it.

52
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Well, I'm not like you, Shane.

53
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It's hard for me to talk to girls.

54
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You know, that's your problem.

55
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Too much talk, not enough action.

56
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For instance, Chet,
I think you're beautiful,

57
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and I would really like to
go out with you.

58
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What are you talking about?

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I've always been attracted to you,

60
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and I could make you feel so good
if you'd just give me the chance.

61
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What?

62
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I'd love to put my hands on
those fine breasts.

63
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What? Stop it.
You're bad!

64
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You see what I did?

65
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Oh.
Oh, wow!

66
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You were exuding so much confidence
that you had me believing I was a woman.

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<i>1-Arkin-12, 1-Arkin-12.</i>

68
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<i>We have a 21-19 on
212 Ipanema Drive.</i>

69
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<i>Copy?</i>

70
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Copy that, dispatch.
On our way.

71
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I'm gonna have to meet up
with you later.

72
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But you never go on calls with me.

73
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You just give me this advice
and then you leave.

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<i>So I drive.</i>

75
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<i>Alone again.</i>

76
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<i>The life of a paramedic is
a lonely one.</i>

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Hi, I'm Chet.

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Is this your dad or
your boyfriend?

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<i>1-Sandler-12, 1-Sandler-12.</i>

80
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<i>Can you go to Grown Ups Hospital
and pick up a cooler of donor hearts?</i>

81
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Copy that, dispatch.

82
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<i>I tell myself I'd been given
this job because they trust me.</i>

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Grown-ups only.

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<i>I almost believe that only I
can safely deliver a cooler</i>

85
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<i>full of human hearts to the
empty chests of waiting patients.</i>

86
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Hyah! Aah!

87
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Aaaaaaah!

88
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Suicide.

89
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The only answer.

90
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- Where we going?
- Aah! Stop doing that!

91
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How'd you get in here
so quietly?

92
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Hey, you ask Chief out yet?

93
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No. And I never will,
so just forget about it.

94
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Dude, go to the hospital.

95
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I'll hide in the closet and feed you
cool lines, like in that sitcom.

96
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No. Besides, I can't go to the hospital
without official business.

97
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Then let's make some
official business.

98
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You see that girl there?

99
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Hit her with the ambulance and
we have official business.

100
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- That's nuts.
- Chet, come on!

101
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This is your life.
Do it!

102
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Take what's yours,
by any means necessary!

103
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It's just a kid.

104
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Aah!

105
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Ooh!

106
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Holy crap.

107
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Oh, my -- I didn't think
you'd actually do it!

108
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This is crazy.

109
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Just help me with this kid!

110
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I can't. I'm out of here.

111
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You know what, Shane?

112
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I'm starting to understand why you
suddenly have to leave all the time.

113
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You're imaginary!

114
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- What?
- You're imaginary!

115
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It all makes sense now.

116
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Aah! Stop doing that!

117
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How'd you get in here so quietly?

118
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You had me believing I was a woman.

119
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I'm starting to understand why you
suddenly have to leave all the time.

120
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You're imaginary!

121
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It all makes sense now.

122
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You're an imaginary friend that I
made up because... I'm crazy.

123
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You're the projection of
the self I wish I was!

124
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That's why you can't help me.

125
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No. I can't help you
because I'm on probation,

126
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and I have some ecstasy in my sock.

127
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I don't need you anymore.

128
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Let's get you in the back.

129
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That's okay.

130
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1-Carolla-12 to dispatch,
I am coming in.

131
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♪ Doo, doo doo... ♪

132
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♪ Doo, doo doo... ♪

133
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Where's Chief?!

134
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Do a C-Spine and give
me an amp of D50.

135
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- His pulse-ox is dropping.
- We're losing him!

136
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Wait.

137
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We shouldn't be wasting all these
cool medical terms on this guy.

138
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We're almost out.

139
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Yeah. I am getting pretty bored,
anyway.

140
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Fun day, though, right?
All this hostage stuff?

141
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It was, yeah.

142
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Oh, and the towel fight
this morning.

143
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- Oh, my God.
- You're naughty!

144
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Yeah. Goodbye,
guy we don't really care about.

145
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- Bye-bye.
- See ya.

146
00:07:17,674 --> 00:07:18,974
- I'm gonna save you, buddy!
- No!

147
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You can't save me!
You're not real!

148
00:07:21,979 --> 00:07:24,880
Only I can save myself...

149
00:07:24,882 --> 00:07:26,515
- By killing you.
- Huh?

150
00:07:26,517 --> 00:07:30,119
I have to kill the
imaginary part of me.

151
00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:34,523
Only then will I truly be free.

152
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What? No, Chet!

153
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- Now we're both free!
- Chet, no!

154
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Oh, my God!
That paramedic just shot Shane!

155
00:07:46,504 --> 00:07:49,772
No. Shane's the coolest dude
at Childrens!

156
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- Come on!
- Let's help him.

157
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Crap.

158
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I don't need you anymore.

159
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Suicide.

160
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The only answer.

161
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- Where we going?
- Aah!

162
00:08:13,765 --> 00:08:15,931
Someone get this bald dildo
out of here, huh?

163
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You can shove stuff in your mouth,
and I'll shove stuff into my mouth,

164
00:08:22,273 --> 00:08:25,608
and then we'll bite down on it
a bunch of times like this.

165
00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:31,166
- Hey, man.
- Hey, man.

166
00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:33,716
I'm sorry. I totally thought
you were not real.

167
00:08:33,718 --> 00:08:35,384
Oh, it's okay, dude.

168
00:08:35,386 --> 00:08:42,725
Sometimes I come off as fake
because I like to par-tay...

169
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No!

170
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Okay. Clear.

171
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:03,097
Hey. There you are. We were
getting worried about you.

172
00:09:03,099 --> 00:09:05,266
- Who else?
- Well, just me.

173
00:09:05,268 --> 00:09:07,735
Everybody else is kind of mad
'cause you killed Shane.

174
00:09:07,737 --> 00:09:08,736
Oh, yeah.

175
00:09:08,738 --> 00:09:10,604
But I missed you.

176
00:09:10,606 --> 00:09:12,907
I missed you, too, Chief.

177
00:09:12,909 --> 00:09:16,043
Hey, maybe sometime you and I
could go get some food

178
00:09:16,045 --> 00:09:17,978
and then put it in our mouths,
like you could put in yours --

179
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Shut up, Chaps.

180
00:09:21,017 --> 00:09:22,783
Hey!

181
00:09:22,785 --> 00:09:25,986
Dummy, when are they taking you to jail?
We need this bed.

182
00:09:25,988 --> 00:09:31,158
Hey! This business is
between me and Chief.

183
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,195
Chief?
Uh, who's "Chief"?

184
00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:41,402
You didn't ask "Chief" out,
did you?

185
00:09:41,404 --> 00:09:42,870
And I shove stuff in my mouth...

186
00:09:42,872 --> 00:09:45,906
She's not real, dude.
No one's there.

187
00:09:45,908 --> 00:09:54,849
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

188
00:09:54,851 --> 00:09:57,851
Staff -- if you see Shane,

189
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,578
<i>Please tell him he's my
best friend. That is all.</i>

190
00:10:14,051 --> 00:10:20,192
Sync, corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com