1
00:00:01,174 --> 00:00:05,805
Last season, <i>Newsreaders</i> visited
the set of the venerable medical drama

2
00:00:05,829 --> 00:00:09,690
<i>Childrens Hospital</i> to document
its pending demise.

3
00:00:09,692 --> 00:00:12,208
And our cameras were there
as it was saved

4
00:00:12,231 --> 00:00:14,828
in the last minute of its final hour.

5
00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:18,916
<i>Childrens Hospital's</i> ratings
shot to the sky like a beanstalk,

6
00:00:18,939 --> 00:00:23,437
and it was our report that sold the cow
to buy the magic beans.

7
00:00:23,439 --> 00:00:28,775
So, how did the cast of <i>Childrens Hospital</i>
weather this unexpected burst of success?

8
00:00:28,777 --> 00:00:32,646
The answer might surprise you.
It also might not.

9
00:00:32,648 --> 00:00:36,250
<i>And, later in the program,
gray whales --</i>

10
00:00:36,252 --> 00:00:38,085
More like gay whales?

11
00:00:38,087 --> 00:00:43,190
All that and Andy Kaufman,
tonight on <i>Newsreaders</i>.

12
00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:51,769
Sync, corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com

13
00:00:52,579 --> 00:00:57,311
Success comes in many forms:
Money, recognition, wet trim.

14
00:00:57,335 --> 00:01:02,276
But for the cast of <i>Childrens Hospital</i>,
all of it came quite unexpectedly.

15
00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:04,511
What in the world?

16
00:01:07,183 --> 00:01:08,015
Nice surprise.

17
00:01:08,017 --> 00:01:09,650
So very nice of you.

18
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:14,021
<i>With their success came power,
and they could have whatever they wanted.</i>

19
00:01:14,023 --> 00:01:16,924
Each of you is getting
your own spin-off.

20
00:01:16,926 --> 00:01:17,891
What?!

21
00:01:21,030 --> 00:01:22,296
Except for Cutter.

22
00:01:26,368 --> 00:01:28,302
<i>I was surprised and upset</i>

23
00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:31,773
that everyone else got a spinoff
except for me.

24
00:01:31,789 --> 00:01:36,075
And then I was reminded that
I had my own spinoff two years ago.

25
00:01:36,099 --> 00:01:37,511
I had completely forgotten.

26
00:01:37,513 --> 00:01:39,713
It was a ratings disaster.

27
00:01:39,715 --> 00:01:42,950
But, ironically,
we won several awards.

28
00:01:42,952 --> 00:01:45,819
No, you won no awards.

29
00:01:45,821 --> 00:01:47,336
It's something.

30
00:01:47,355 --> 00:01:50,533
In a tear-filled season finale,
all of the characters

31
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:53,968
went their separate ways
to star in their own spinoffs,

32
00:01:53,982 --> 00:01:58,045
<i>leaving Dr. Blake Downs behind
to man the hospital alone.</i>

33
00:01:58,067 --> 00:02:03,268
Well, Blake, we're all off to lead
very different and interesting lives.

34
00:02:03,285 --> 00:02:04,929
Far away from you.

35
00:02:04,953 --> 00:02:08,041
But it won't be without some
bruises and bumps along the way.

36
00:02:08,043 --> 00:02:11,245
And I'm sure we'll all pop in from
time to time just to say hello.

37
00:02:11,247 --> 00:02:12,646
Hold down the fort, buddy.

38
00:02:12,648 --> 00:02:14,147
And remember to feed the dog.

39
00:02:14,149 --> 00:02:15,882
- We have a dog?
- We have a dog.

40
00:02:15,884 --> 00:02:17,251
Huh.

41
00:02:17,253 --> 00:02:19,019
- Valerie.
- Yes, Blake.

42
00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:19,987
I said "Valerie."

43
00:02:19,989 --> 00:02:21,922
You don't have to be a dick
about everything.

44
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:23,523
Yes, Blake?

45
00:02:23,525 --> 00:02:24,558
I love you.

46
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:25,826
I think you know that, and

47
00:02:25,828 --> 00:02:28,662
wherever you may go and whatever
you -- Wait, wait, wait, wait!

48
00:02:28,664 --> 00:02:31,265
- Wait, wait.
- Bye.

49
00:02:34,296 --> 00:02:36,867
In the first show to spin off
<i>Childrens Hospital</i>,

50
00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:39,313
<i>Dixie Peters' character, Cat Black,</i>

51
00:02:39,337 --> 00:02:43,977
<i>gained the ability to communicate with
ghosts and diagnose what killed them.</i>

52
00:02:43,979 --> 00:02:47,047
It wasn't endometrial cancer after all.

53
00:02:47,049 --> 00:02:50,384
Your husband tells me it was
pancreatic cancer that killed him.

54
00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:52,953
- Oh, thank you, doctor.
- You're welcome.

55
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:56,156
So, how do we cure him
and bring him back?

56
00:02:56,158 --> 00:02:57,858
I'm sorry.
Do what, now?

57
00:02:57,860 --> 00:03:02,462
This show does something
that no show on TV does.

58
00:03:02,464 --> 00:03:04,464
I mean, other than <i>Medium</i> and
<i>The Ghost Whisperer</i>.

59
00:03:04,466 --> 00:03:06,433
Right. So, it's kind of
like those shows.

60
00:03:06,435 --> 00:03:09,469
Jennifer Love Hewitt is a dear,
dear friend of mine.

61
00:03:09,471 --> 00:03:11,672
I said to her one day --
I was like, "Listen, Jennifer Love."

62
00:03:12,408 --> 00:03:14,141
I said, "Can I do this show?"

63
00:03:14,143 --> 00:03:20,213
She looked at me, and she said --
She said, "No."

64
00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:24,584
<i>The next show to spin off found
Rob Heubel's character,</i>

65
00:03:24,586 --> 00:03:27,821
<i>Dr. Owen Maestro, healing people
in third-world countries.</i>

66
00:03:27,823 --> 00:03:29,556
Okay, team, listen up!

67
00:03:29,558 --> 00:03:31,692
We're not going anywhere today.

68
00:03:31,694 --> 00:03:33,627
<i>It was called</i>
Doctors with Borders<i>.</i>

69
00:03:33,629 --> 00:03:37,297
We're not going anywhere outside of
this very specific zone.

70
00:03:37,299 --> 00:03:38,765
It's too dangerous.

71
00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:40,500
I need more maps, stat!

72
00:03:40,502 --> 00:03:42,102
More maps!

73
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,048
<i>Doctors with Borders</i>.

74
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:47,993
It's a show that presupposes that
not all doctors are heroic

75
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:49,830
and not all people can be helped.

76
00:03:49,842 --> 00:03:52,694
It's about saving the
most important life of all:

77
00:03:52,703 --> 00:03:54,520
Your own.

78
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,666
Heubel's show is cute, but I
wanted my show to go deeper.

79
00:03:57,691 --> 00:03:59,720
You know, I want,
for one hour a week,

80
00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:02,731
<i>people to step out of their
dreary and humdrum lives</i>

81
00:04:02,754 --> 00:04:07,828
<i>and enter the exciting and
exotic world of the mole people.</i>

82
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,229
Another severed arm.

83
00:04:09,231 --> 00:04:12,733
You mole people, you have got to
stop sleeping on the subway tracks.

84
00:04:12,735 --> 00:04:15,435
- The tracks are where it's warm.
- Get a dog!

85
00:04:15,437 --> 00:04:17,671
- We'd just eat a dog!
- Well, then get a blanket.

86
00:04:17,673 --> 00:04:22,743
Are you kidding?!
Blankets are delicious!

87
00:04:23,534 --> 00:04:26,457
So describe your spinoff
in a nutshell.

88
00:04:26,468 --> 00:04:27,734
Okay.

89
00:04:27,854 --> 00:04:32,668
Dr. Glenn Richie is reunited with his
twin brother Gary and we find out that

90
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,764
our father has another set of twins,

91
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:40,840
and they exist completely in an
alternate reality, and they're extremely

92
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:44,292
fat, but we never see them eat anything.
And this is important. This is a clue

93
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:47,092
This is important. This is a clue.

94
00:04:48,501 --> 00:04:50,262
- Hey.
- How are you doing today?

95
00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:52,950
Good, good. I've still got
that shoulder thing.

96
00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:55,104
Yeah, you really pulled it,
didn't you?

97
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,431
Yeah.

98
00:04:57,743 --> 00:05:00,465
Yeah, it still hurts.
Ow!

99
00:05:00,477 --> 00:05:02,719
That show doesn't look like
what you described at all.

100
00:05:02,725 --> 00:05:04,886
Well, you're just not watching it right.

101
00:05:04,909 --> 00:05:10,824
<i>In </i>Locked in Doctorin'<i>, we discover that
the Chief's condition has deteriorated.</i>

102
00:05:10,826 --> 00:05:16,062
S-t... a...
S-t-a...

103
00:05:16,064 --> 00:05:18,064
T -- s-t-a-t.
Stat! Got it!

104
00:05:18,066 --> 00:05:22,134
<i>But she still retained her
trademark wit.</i>

105
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,443
<i>In </i>Nine Lives<i>, a judge orders
Fred Nunley's character,</i>

106
00:05:26,455 --> 00:05:29,101
<i>Sy Mittleman, to adopt nine children</i>

107
00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:32,236
<i>whose parents he helped
commit assisted suicide.</i>

108
00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:33,947
Where's my mommy?

109
00:05:33,949 --> 00:05:36,518
Look, I don't know which one
your mommy was,

110
00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:39,700
but wherever she is,
it was totally her decision.

111
00:05:39,723 --> 00:05:41,770
I hate children.

112
00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:43,824
Here I am playing with nine.

113
00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:46,126
So, I asked the producers to

114
00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:50,205
<i>shoot me alone and then
put the kids in later digitally,</i>

115
00:05:50,229 --> 00:05:55,130
because when I'm around the kids,
I just get nauseous.

116
00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,237
<i>Valerie Flame,
played by Ingrid Hagerstown,</i>

117
00:05:57,249 --> 00:06:01,762
<i>found herself working in an identical
Children's Hospital in her native Sweden,</i>

118
00:06:01,786 --> 00:06:03,440
<i>where the laughs never stop.</i>

119
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:14,754
Was it nice to act in a language
that you could understand?

120
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:19,392
<i>Yes, absolutely. I loved it.</i>

121
00:06:19,394 --> 00:06:20,961
<i>It was so freeing.</i>

122
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:22,529
You're gorgeous.

123
00:06:22,531 --> 00:06:23,830
You know that?

124
00:06:23,832 --> 00:06:26,566
Very beautiful.

125
00:06:26,568 --> 00:06:29,560
I would slit my wife's throat
to be with you.

126
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,567
And on the home front,
the <i>Childrens Hospital</i> producers

127
00:06:34,591 --> 00:06:37,996
<i>decided to surround lone survivor
Cutter Spindell</i>

128
00:06:38,007 --> 00:06:40,332
<i>with a cast of fresh young faces.</i>

129
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:42,549
Okay, I need answers, people.

130
00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:44,851
Maybe we should treat him
for metabolic acidosis.

131
00:06:44,853 --> 00:06:48,154
You sound like me when
I was your age: Like a dumb idiot.

132
00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:51,291
Um, maybe we should test him
for hypothyroidism.

133
00:06:51,293 --> 00:06:55,161
Maybe I should test <i>you</i>
for hypothyroidism.

134
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:58,265
♪ Thinkin' back to when I was a kid... ♪

135
00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:01,268
♪ I got B's 'cause I didn't fit in... ♪

136
00:07:01,270 --> 00:07:04,170
♪ But you always made me feel... ♪

137
00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:06,773
- You tested positive.
- Thank you.

138
00:07:06,775 --> 00:07:09,776
Do I miss the way the show used to be?
That's a great question.

139
00:07:09,778 --> 00:07:11,945
Um... No.

140
00:07:11,947 --> 00:07:16,182
But then again, technically,
I am autistic.

141
00:07:16,184 --> 00:07:19,619
So, missing things is
a tough concept for me.

142
00:07:19,621 --> 00:07:25,125
But when I do think
about the show, I feel...

143
00:07:25,127 --> 00:07:29,296
Da-da-da...

144
00:07:29,298 --> 00:07:30,579
That one.

145
00:07:31,365 --> 00:07:35,049
As former president Benjamin Franklin
learned so piercingly

146
00:07:35,073 --> 00:07:38,939
from an assassin's bullet in his temple,
causing his untimely death,

147
00:07:38,962 --> 00:07:41,074
fame has its costs.

148
00:07:41,076 --> 00:07:44,001
And for the former cast of
<i>Childrens Hospital</i>,

149
00:07:44,025 --> 00:07:46,346
the cost of fame was high.

150
00:07:46,348 --> 00:07:49,950
<i>To say they were spiraling downhill fast
would be an understatement.</i>

151
00:07:49,952 --> 00:07:52,586
So, who's gonna put sunscreen on me?
You? I doubt it.

152
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:55,655
<i>To say they were spiraling
downhill very fast?</i>

153
00:07:55,657 --> 00:07:57,424
<i>Well, that's more accurate.</i>

154
00:07:57,426 --> 00:08:01,027
Hold my scarf. Put it on its hanger --
On the scarf hanger.

155
00:08:01,029 --> 00:08:03,697
<i>Drugs...</i>

156
00:08:03,699 --> 00:08:07,634
<i>Human trafficking...</i>

157
00:08:07,636 --> 00:08:09,402
<i>Their underlings turning on them.</i>

158
00:08:09,404 --> 00:08:10,236
You look at me!

159
00:08:10,238 --> 00:08:11,237
Look at your stupid --

160
00:08:11,239 --> 00:08:16,109
You're a [bleep]! You gay,
mustache-wearing [bleep]!

161
00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:18,178
Aah!

162
00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:20,647
I was homophobic!

163
00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:24,217
<i>And beavers.</i>

164
00:08:24,219 --> 00:08:27,487
<i>In the end, none of the spinoffs
made it past the first episode.</i>

165
00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:29,682
With the cast off the air and out of work,

166
00:08:29,705 --> 00:08:33,760
<i>Newsreaders</i> decided to bring them
together to reflect on what happened.

167
00:08:33,762 --> 00:08:38,965
But they weren't willing to meet as a group,
so we had to employ some clever trickery.

168
00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:44,629
We sent each actor an anonymous invitation
to a weekend getaway at a country mansion.

169
00:08:46,155 --> 00:08:47,941
So, who do you think's behind all this?

170
00:08:47,943 --> 00:08:49,242
It could be the producers.

171
00:08:49,244 --> 00:08:50,410
What's with the guns?

172
00:08:50,412 --> 00:08:52,545
Welcome.

173
00:08:52,547 --> 00:08:54,314
Oh, not this guy.

174
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:59,552
As you can see, in front of you,
there's a delicious meal and a gun.

175
00:08:59,554 --> 00:09:00,820
We've given you a choice.

176
00:09:00,822 --> 00:09:05,291
You can either eat the food and,
for the first time in years,

177
00:09:05,293 --> 00:09:10,730
enjoy each other's company, or you can
take up the gun and shoot the pers--

178
00:09:10,732 --> 00:09:11,731
Aah!

179
00:09:19,107 --> 00:09:24,010
Of course, we -- We thought that
they would choose the meal.

180
00:09:24,012 --> 00:09:26,046
I -- Yeah, I didn't --

181
00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:31,484
I had no idea that they were gonna
murder each other so -- so gleefully.

182
00:09:33,655 --> 00:09:35,355
It's totally --
It's totally my fault.

183
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:36,723
I mean...

184
00:09:36,725 --> 00:09:39,693
Luckily, there were blanks in the guns.

185
00:09:39,695 --> 00:09:42,062
<i>And so the cast returned
to the mother ship.</i>

186
00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:44,764
Oh, yay! There she is.

187
00:09:44,766 --> 00:09:46,232
Valerie.

188
00:09:46,234 --> 00:09:48,535
Oh.

189
00:09:48,537 --> 00:09:50,737
- See ya.
- Bye.

190
00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:57,744
You're my only friend,
Cornelius.

191
00:09:57,746 --> 00:10:00,972
Next week, from <i>Private Practice</i>
to private life,

192
00:10:00,996 --> 00:10:03,650
<i>more of my conversation
with Kate Walsh...</i>

193
00:10:06,788 --> 00:10:10,623
<i>And manatees.
Man, what a tease?</i>

194
00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:15,261
I'm Louis La Fonda,
and this is <i>Newsreaders</i>.

195
00:10:19,134 --> 00:10:21,835
- I love the way you guys talk.
- Thank you.

196
00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:22,902
Pickles.

197
00:10:22,904 --> 00:10:24,604
- Bangers and mash.
- Bangers and m-- Yeah.

198
00:10:24,606 --> 00:10:27,440
I'm shooting a scene with
Rob Heubel right now. I can't talk.

199
00:10:27,442 --> 00:10:29,909
- Hi, C.J.
- Rob -- Rob says hello.

200
00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:36,312
And there's a mind sweeper,

201
00:10:37,452 --> 00:10:41,254
who is a central character,
but we never see him.

202
00:10:41,256 --> 00:10:44,224
What is going on with...

203
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,359
- Oh.
- The brow.

204
00:10:46,361 --> 00:10:48,461
Listen, I'm about truth,

205
00:10:48,463 --> 00:10:51,598
and this is the truth.
This is the truth of my face.

206
00:10:51,615 --> 00:10:55,643
Sync, corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com