♪
Cut that out!
I ain't pushing!
Right, try it again, I chop it off!
KT, get a move on!
Katherine!
The builders are going to be here...
VEHICLE APPROACHES
..now. I'll go and let 'em in.
I says, "What's that got to do with boxing?"
He says, "Some of the best boxers are black."
So I says, "Mine started off white, but me mum put me in the wash with the cushion covers!" ..Oi!
That was funny!
Oi! Do you have to do that?
Wait till she's finished breakfast.
Stick some clothes on. You know what they're like.
What is this here? It's going on the skip.
New house, new kitchen. That hutch is out.
I might sand it down, use it in the garage. I watched me dad build this.
Both blind! Look at the joints. That was his third go.
OK, love, I'm off. See you tonight.
MUSIC BLARES OVER SOUND SYSTEM
KT! Over here!
Don't call him that if we want a favour.
Your raffle prize. It's Freda's anniversary next week. She's after a second honeymoon.
Will you sell your hotel tickets for 50 quid? Can't pay all at once.
I can't. Oh, go on!
She'll go to 70, but she'll have to pay in bits. I've already been.
When? I've already been.
You've had a weekend in a hotel? On your own?
No. You took somebody? Yeah.
Who? Not saying.
Whisper it.
I can't say.
What's the hold-up? >
Hang on, Steve. Me necklace is caught on KT's shirt. Do we know her?
KT! Shift your arse! These machines have no work!
'We're sorry to interrupt this broadcast,
'but we have a special request.
'This one's for KT, who - wait for it -
'recently POPPED HIS CHERRY!'
CHEERING
KT, you didn't show yourself up, did you?
She show you how to use it, eh, kid?
Give him a milk shake! We need to get him up to 8 stone!
Give him a break.
When you popped YOUR cherry, she couldn't feel it! She came back for more! To make sure you'd got one.
Listen to Viagra Falls.
His dick's the only thing that goes down on him. Kev!
Pick on him. He's naming the team. You're not playing anyway. Why not?
Where is he? Well done, girls. Thanks. Oh, he's there!
Balls are for kicking, not scratching!
You can talk! Waste of pubes!
Oh, for God's sake, shut up! It's the only conversation they've got.
Julie!
Will you tell them, Mr Mackintosh?
Yes. Do we have to listen to this? Shut up, Leach. Foul mouth.
KT, come and sit with me. They won't bother you while I'm here.
Right, can we talk like grown-ups, please?
Next time you're playing footy, hang about the showers and tell us what shape his knob is.
We reckon it belongs on a gerbil.
Don't let this lot try and tell you what's what.
INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION
HORN PEEPS
Did you manage to have a shower? Yeah!
With what? Soap!
Have another.
Use the gel on the shelf.
We need at least 20 more machines to meet an order that size. Can you guarantee two years minimum?
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Mack's phone. 'Could you get him?'
Sorry, Katherine, he's with a buyer from M&S.
I'll be two minutes. I can hear him.
I don't really think he wants me to. Ask him when he'll be back. OK.
Tell him to stop at the off-licence. Will do. Talk to you later. Bye.
SHOWER CONTINUES TO RUN
What have I missed? Loads.
SHE GASPS
That's it! Yes!
Not there.
..It's all right.
That's it.
SHE GASPS
RUNNING WATER
You all right?
You told anybody?
No.
Not even your mates? No.
I thought that was meant to be the fun of it all.
(Sharing secrets.)
Have you done this before?
No. I got a book out of the library(!)
To Mack.
What was that? Got your rations!
You said he was out! Not all night. Where do I go?
There's one way down and he'll be using it coming up. Katherine?
Give us a clue!
BOTTLES CHINK
TV: 'That's why some groups say people need better protection.
'The Greater Manchester Home-maker Project has been studying...'
You're late. Sorry.
Celebrating?
Yeah. Marks and Sparks upped their order 10%. If Trudy hangs up on me again, I'll stick her one.
Was she rude? She hung up. We were busy. You know what she's like. I know what she's like with ME.
You're never there when she's like that with other people. Have you eaten? I'm not hungry.
I've left the corkscrew in the bathroom.
Can you grab it for us?
Opening wine in the bathroom? Don't get so decadent we need to pay for a clinic. Hang on.
That's it. Kitchen table. I opened it downstairs and brought it up.
Are you sure you need any more?
Put them on!
Don't jump till he's upstairs. He'll see the security light.
This'll have to do.
You joining me?
No, I thought I'd stay sober and make you feel worse(!)
Look at you.
Fantastic legs.
Beautiful.
You know what I'd love?
What?
An Indian.
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
Morning. Morning.
I thought you'd gone. Yeah, I'm just off.
What's your day? Gym, home, town, home.
It's just I might nip back for an hour later. OK. I'll be here or out.
Did you mean to say "contingent"? Contingent what?
"Until then, the contract remains contingent." Yeah. It doesn't make sense. Change it!
Going jogging?
No. I found it outside the house. I'm wondering if somebody's tried to break in...
Shouldn't the police have it? It's always happening round there.
It will if you never report it.
'So is she big, small, young, old...'
animal, mineral, vegetable?
She got decent tits?
Makes a difference to the kind of advice you need.
My bird Babs - stonking tits, tiny arse. Know what she loves?
It really turns her on. She loves me talking to her like I'm running out of things to say.
Not dirty, any old crap - work, football, news, football, football.
I just kiss her neck, that's all. She's mad for it! I lick her - yak, yak, yak. Suck her - yak, yak, yak.
Then I bite. I nip her ears on the vinegar stroke and she's off - bam!
Absolutely true.
Need the toilet, tiger?
Shut your face! Big man now?
Break it up! Come on.
Go and wash your face, calm down.
Go on.
Well, he flew at me! Winding him up again.
You'll try it with the wrong guy one day, Kev. You?
Meat pie, chips and peas, Peggy. There's a word.
Yeah - gravy.
It's jinxed, this one. The fabric it chews up...!
I'd scrap it. You're not paying. Stick a new motor in it.
..KT! My office!
Shut the door.
Do you know what you're doing?
Do you know if your girlfriend is on the pill?
Well, you should have found out, for God's sake.
Until you do, use one of these.
Do you know how to?
OK... When you get an...
When you get a hard on - yeah? - you don't go near her till you've got one of these on.
That's how people get pregnant. See?
Look, you slide it on,
making sure that the teat...
OK.
I'm back. Oh, hiya, Kurt. Trudy, come here.
We're up to diagram b.
Explain "inside out" to him.
Right, you hold that.
Look who it is!
Come 'ere, you!
Where's your money today?
Oh, that's nice..
See you later.
Was that your fiver?
..Hoi! give it back, you lot!
Who d'you think you are?
TV ON
'Five Wipeouts there. They were European towns NOT noted for cheese.
'The 11 correct answers are European cheeses.
'First choice is yours. Camembert. Very French, very smelly.
'That's what stripteasers do...'
Kurt?
Kurt!
Where have you been? Your tea's in the oven!
I don't want any! >
Tough. You'll eat it now cos I've cooked it.
I don't know what it'll be like now.
Hang on! Watch yourself, you daft...!
Oh, my God, come here!
I had it last month. Julie Macnamara.
I didn't tell you cos I knew you hadn't. Didn't want to show you up.
Who's yours? Come on! I'm your mate!
She jacked me off twice and I said, "Look, if we do this, and tops and bottoms, why don't we do it all?"
She goes, "Oh. OK." I'm like, "What?! Yes!"
What have YOU done? Everything.
Yeah, but what's everything?
That...
and that...
and that and that... NO!
And that. How did you know what to do? Why won't you tell me who it is?
I won't say anything in work.
Mack's wife. What?! Mrs Katherine Mackintosh...
You're joking. ..who likes everything...
including me.
And I think he needs telling. Why? Why not?
Kurt!
Call an ambulance. He just stepped out in front of me.
He just stepped right out. Oh, my God. Is anybody phoning?
Oh, my God! KT! KT, can you hear me?
Don't talk, love. Get a blanket.
Where from? There's ten bloody thousand inside. Quick!
Ambulance. An ambulance is coming.
Give us a bit of space in there.
What happened, Robbo? You were together, weren't you? Did he trip?
I don't know. He had time to get out of the way, though, didn't he? I don't know! Mack?
Mrs Taylor, I don't know what to say.
Oh, my God! Don, our Kurt's dead! No, I'm the driver. I'm his boss.
Kurt's in there having X-rays. He's all right.
KT: I knew he knew cos every time you turn around, he's there.
He's being polite, but he knows everything. He runs the place. Nobody tells him no. He knows everything.
He can see straight through me. Everywhere I go, he's pointing. I can tell. I can tell.
Katherine! Where are your keys?
Katherine, I need the keys to the Audi! I'm just going out.
What's the matter? I hit one of the lads from work - KT.
What for? What do you mean?
He just stepped in front of my car. I've put him in hospital.
Oh, God! Look, um...
could you take a taxi? OK.
RADIO BLARES
Robbo! How is he?
Broken arm, collarbone. Keeping him in.
KT!
Broken arm, broken collarbone!
Here you are. Will you get him summat, tell him we were asking?
YOU tell him.
Jakey? What happened? I don't know! It was an accident. That's not what the woman at the newsagent's saying.
Were you two messing about?
No! 'Jake Robinson to the office, please.'
The police need to talk to you.
I don't want to go.
Why not? ..Why not?
I didn't really see what happened.
Well, just say that. Go on!
♪ If you're ready, uh-oh You're ready, steady
♪ If you're ready, uh-oh, oh, yeah If you're ready... ♪
They won't be a minute.
Did you get to see Kurt? No, they wouldn't let me.
Had you been drinking? No, I bloody hadn't. I wasn't speeding cos I'd just gone through the narrow bit.
Night before? Yes. A bottle of wine with my wife... Do you mind if I take a reading now? Yeah...
but I'll let you.
You should have stayed at the scene of the accident. I had to get to the hospital. Blow into the mouthpiece,
take a deep breath until I say stop.
BEEP!
What d'you know about KT taking this girl to a hotel?
Nothing. Look at me, then.
Jake? ..Jake!
I promised I wouldn't tell. About what?
Mack's wife.
Oh, Jesus.
GASPS AND MOANS
Where did he get it, then?
How the hell should I know?
MOANS GET LOUDER
It were in his cupboard.
Work! >
He'll have got it from work.
DOORBELL
SOUND OFF
Come in. Tell him it's from everyone. Oh, he'll love that. I'll just...
WOMEN MOAN LOUDLY UPSTAIRS
Don! DON!
Excuse me.
Has Kurt been all right before this? Fine.
No complaints. I think something happened. I wish I knew what.
Sit yourselves down.
Something at work, d'you think? Well, he don't go anywhere else.
Well, the only thing...
You know...rumour at work
is that, um...
well...
Kurt's got a girlfriend. Has he?
Oh, my God! I thought you knew.
I have to go. What's the matter?
I forgot to give Dad his medicine. It's seeing all the pills...
I have to go. Oh. Right.
Any time you wanna come in to work and have a talk, Mrs Taylor...
Sorry, Mack, I'm getting a bit panicky about it. Can we?
Yeah.
PANTING AND GROANING CONTINUES UPSTAIRS
Hey, what was all that about? Your dad can sort his own medication out.
That smell, I couldn't stand it. What smell?
You need your sinuses doing!
Knock, knock.
Hiya.
Uh, listen, um... it's only just occurred to me,
but, um, I haven't got Mack's new address, have I?
I could do with a word with him, away from here. Oh. Right.
I thought you were in Huddersfield.
I've only just left the solicitor's. It's OK if I give Steve your address and number? I've your old one.
Do you want to talk to me? No. I'm a key holder in case of break-ins.
I'd look a prat if I didn't know where the boss lived. Yeah. Tell Palmer's I'm on my way. OK.
Yes.
All right?
Why?
Why not? He's a grown-up. He makes his own decisions.
No. He's not a grown-up.
KT's not even a kid!
Half his wages come from Disability.
This is really sick, you know that. No, I didn't know that.
I thought he was just shy. Piss off, Katherine!
OK, a bit thick AND shy. I only realised after a couple of meetings that he repeated himself a lot.
Most blokes do. It was touch and go, Steve, and it was too late by then.
You're a cow.
Well, you'd know, Steve.
Think yourself lucky he kept his mouth shut.
Well, he told somebody - YOU found out.
He's my son's mate.
Oh.
You've got kids, Steve?
Only we never got time to discuss stuff like that, did we?
Hiya.
I was just on my way to Huddersfield and the police phoned.
They said I can have the Jag back.
Will you drive us to the pound?
Yeah, sure. I'll get changed.
What's this got to do with me arm? I don't like tests.
We can leave it if you want, Kurt.
Has me girlfriend phoned yet? Like I said, I wouldn't know.
I don't work on the ward. I can get the nurses to check again.
She asked me. SHE asked ME.
You don't have to do this test.
Nobody's forcing you, OK?
What if I don't understand the question? Put a line through it and move on.
STOPWATCH TICKS
Mack!
LOUDSPEAKER CRACKLES
Hang on.
Has he come?
Who's that? The buyer.
What?
I saw you coming out of the house, you bastard!
I didn't... You wanted the new address, new number. Why? You've been there before! Mack...
You're a liar! Why would I want your bloody address if I've been there before?! So whose is this?
Not mine!
What were you doing...in my house when you KNEW I was somewhere else?
I sent him.
We were trying to arrange a do for your birthday.
Steve wanted me to go and see Katherine and I said, "She's not that keen on me. You best go."
Ask Katherine. Ask her.
So whose is this?
Not mine, Mack.
I'm sorry, Steve.
It's OK. He's safe.
I just...
I can't help it.
I love her.
I get...
Can I go now?
I'm sorry, Steve.
Mack!
You all right?
You know I'll believe anything you tell me, Trudy.
Don't change that, will you?
KT's not coming back.
They needed a new labourer at Marshall's
I did two references - one from me, one from you. I'll sign yours, OK?
Wiggle your fingers.
Ring Katherine. YOU ring her. I'm not.
What if he asks her? He won't.
What if...? He won't!
We need her saying the same thing.
If he started asking questions,
he'd have to admit he thinks she's having affairs, which he won't.
Did you reckon you were the only one, Steve?
Do you a deal.
You tell me about KT and I'll tell you who she was seeing besides you.
..I don't know what you're talking about.
You haven't got a choice, Steve.
Hiya, Katherine.
Been in hospital.
How are you? Had to sign myself out.
Did you know what ward I were on? Cos some people went to ward 6
and some people went to ward 16.
Did they send you to ward 16? I rang to see how you were.
I-I-I said, "Tell me when she phones! I'll ring her back."
'The bitch!'
The dirty, filthy bitch.
KT's a boy. He's a little boy.
Not any more.
Kev from the cutting room, that was last spring.
Pete Donahue - d'you remember Pete? That's why he left. Did Mack know?
I've got no idea what Mack knows.
Andy Cummings - the weekend we went to Scarborough. She was on the beach with her knickers round her ankles.
All from work? All the ones I know about are.
She just can't seem to leave it alone, can she?
We were both here one night waiting for Mack to get back from London.
Trudy, swear this is between me and you.
He'd phoned to say his train was late.
She asked me to take her for a drink.
She had a couple too many and I said she wasn't fit to drive.
So I took her home. You did it in their house?
In the car.
I mean, she... It were on a plate. It wasn't my idea! She just hit on me.
But once, Trudy, I swear, only once.
I'm not proud of it.
Oh, that's all right, then, Steve. Promise this is between me and you.
You know she's left two messages at work for you?
At WORK. She expected me to put two and two together and tell Mack.
She wants Mack to find out. Why else pick on someone like KT?
Thanks for keeping your mouth shut.
I didn't do it for you.
Mack's on his way home. He is.
There were a kind of day room. We could have had it to ourselves.
I'm not even supposed to know you. But you do.
Mack might have found out. I don't care! It don't matter any more!
I can tell him you love me. Don't do that.
You do! I won't ignore you! He doesn't ignore me.
He's always working late! I can take care of you. I'd be at home.
There's a flat over the launderette... Get your hands off me! Just leave now!
Please, Kurt, just leave now!
Past your bedtime, innit, Kurt?
Where have you been, Kurt?
The hospital said you walked out three hours ago!
Where have you been? You're wet...
Your gran's been worried sick.
The kettle's on. You look frozen. Would you like another drink, Mr Mackintosh? No, thanks.
You know where the other one is?
I don't want to see your face again.
Understand?
If I do...
you're dead.
You say one word...
you're dead.
Understand?
DOOR CLOSES
I'll run you a bath. We can wrap this round your bad arm.
Where's he gone?
CAR STARTS UP
Katherine!
This isn't our idea. Well, not mine. We were ready for bed. He dragged us out of the house.
Very nice! We're celebrating.
New kitchen. How do you celebrate a new kitchen? Takeaway.
We're not actually going to use it.
Just shove this in a bin bag when you're done. She's cooked.
It's only soup. You've cooked. She didn't want company.
I've just tasted it! You haven't. Sorry. I should have phoned.
I'll bin the takeaway. No, don't be daft. Get some plates.
CONVERSATION FADES
Katherine, I've tried interrupting him. It's no use.
We should be at the airport by now. We'll miss the plane!
Hang on. I sorted all this weeks back.
Yes, I did.
I did! I've got the paperwork somewhere.
He says come in. He'll be a while. We haven't got a while.
This way. Reception's full of school kids on a field trip.
I'd to talk about my job for half an hour. Took me three minutes.
Just put meself on a loop and gave them pillowcases for their mams.
Watch yourself. It's lethal round here.
Mind your step. ..Morning, Steve! Morning.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
I'm putting the phone down. ..5, 4, 3, 2, 1. See you when I get back.
You should have stayed in the car. I was only going to be a couple of minutes.
Right, you've got the phone number, for the hotel if you need me. We won't.
Have a brilliant time, Mack.
See you when you get back, all right?
See you, Trude. See ya!
What are you...?
We're not moving!
Third drawer down - your 16-year-old son's bedroom.
Either they're his and we drag him in or you hid them and you're in possession of more than personal use.
Competition is bad enough without me sticking my neck out for you. You're sacking me?
I caught him thieving. I sacked him.
Stocky fella? Blue eyes. Ronstadt - Kim Ronstadt.
Has it worked?
Does it usually?
I'm not asking Robinson.
You slept with someone.
I'm sick of being made a bloody fool of, you two-faced cow!
Sleep well, Robinson.
I don't believe this is happening.
Subtitles by Marie Campbell BBC Scotland 2000