1 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,840 All right, mate? 2 00:00:53,039 --> 00:00:56,640 You know where you're going, don't you? 3 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,879 Hello, stranger. Bev? Long time, no see. 4 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:56,479 So what's the score? Big job? I thought it was, but no. 5 00:01:56,479 --> 00:01:58,359 Summat's wedged. 6 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,159 Spool. Thought so. Much damage? 7 00:02:09,159 --> 00:02:12,120 No, don't look like it. 8 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:17,840 Right, show's over. Chop, chop! Back to work. Come on! 9 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:18,960 OK! 10 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:33,079 Mack wants you to look at the compressor. Again? It's not three months since it had an overhaul. 11 00:02:33,079 --> 00:02:38,920 I know. One of our lads, Brian Pringle, gave it the once-over, but it's not the electrics. 12 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,079 He needs a replacement. 13 00:02:41,079 --> 00:02:44,759 I lost your number. Yeah. Sure(!) 14 00:02:44,759 --> 00:02:46,680 Mal? 15 00:02:52,759 --> 00:02:59,280 So we're standing there, minding our own business. Nipped in for a quick one before film started. Any good? 16 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:05,599 Rubbish. He says, "Girls, there's a party in my trousers and you're all invited!" Party in my what? 17 00:03:05,599 --> 00:03:09,120 Trousers. He was about 60! Sorry. Are you all right? 18 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,840 Fine. I lost your number. It doesn't matter. 19 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:17,199 Honest. I... Actually, I lost my bottle. 20 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:23,599 D'you fancy a drink sometime? Or a meal, maybe? 21 00:03:23,599 --> 00:03:26,479 What d'you like? Italian? Chinese? 22 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,680 Indian. When? Tonight? 23 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:35,159 You're on. I'll pick you up. 24 00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:39,719 Eight? I'll meet you there. You might lose me address. 25 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:47,840 Shit! Just remembered - that blue blouse, the new one, has got a stain down the front. 26 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:53,599 Don't look at me. All my stuff's rent-a-tent rejects, in't it?. I didn't say that. 27 00:03:53,599 --> 00:03:59,680 You've got a nice figure. You should show it off a bit, instead of wearing all them baggy... Tents. 28 00:04:01,879 --> 00:04:04,879 I'll have to stick with me suit. 29 00:04:04,879 --> 00:04:12,120 It's tight round the arse, though. I'll have to put my bum-crunchers on. No shenanigans tonight! 30 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:16,079 One glimpse of my drawers, he'd run a mile. 31 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:18,040 Sylvia? Mmm? 32 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:25,120 I've always wondered - did you and Steve do it on the first date? 33 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:30,560 Look at that. "£25 or nearest offer. Can deliver." 34 00:04:34,759 --> 00:04:39,720 You've not got time for that. It's only training, Dad. I know. 35 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,279 Right. Back about nine, half-nine. 36 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:48,800 I'm stopping at Nat's. Just stick my tea in the oven. You'll have to see to yourself. I'm going out. Scott! 37 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,840 Ta. D'you mind? No. 38 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:02,279 We took the pitch over from Rita's mum. Cracking little spot. 39 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:08,800 You can walk to the beach in six minutes. We'd not had this one long - it's an eight-berther. 40 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:12,439 We bought it in the April. She died in November. 41 00:05:12,439 --> 00:05:14,879 Shame. 42 00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:22,560 I hung onto it for the lads. God knows why, cos they'd rather stop at home than go on holiday to Anglesey! 43 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,959 But we let the family use it. And mates. 44 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:31,399 You may as well make a few bob. We don't charge 'em. It'd be sitting there anyway. 45 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,279 Hey, we're last in. 46 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,439 I hadn't realised. 47 00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:46,319 No! Least I could do, after boring the backside off you. Don't be daft! I'll keep my mouth shut next time. 48 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,079 # I know what I know If you know what I mean 49 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,519 # I'm not aware of too many things 50 00:06:03,519 --> 00:06:06,879 # I know what I know If you know what I mean 51 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:15,439 # Philosophy... # 52 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:15,439 KNOCKING > 53 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:23,399 Salvation Army? Tony in? Not since June. He did a moonlight. 54 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:33,159 With the TV, the video and my nana's sovereign ring, before you ask. 55 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:40,319 D'you know where where he's gone? What d'you think? 56 00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:13,000 DOORBELL RINGS 57 00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:13,000 I'll get it. ..I'll get it! 58 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:24,240 Alex? Scott. Bev. ..Hello! Just about to burn the kitchen down. 59 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,480 Come in. Have a drink. 60 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:31,439 That's Alex. This is Bev. 61 00:07:31,439 --> 00:07:32,879 Hiya! 62 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,399 Bet this has rocketed since you bought it. Cheers. 63 00:07:42,159 --> 00:07:47,680 You've got it lovely. Ta. This is nearly ready. 64 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,000 You'll have to give me the guided tour later. 65 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,519 THUMPS AND SQUEALS FROM UPSTAIRS 66 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,279 Give the girl an Oscar. 67 00:08:21,279 --> 00:08:23,560 Give the guy an oxygen mask. 68 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,480 SHRIEKS OF ECSTASY 69 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,519 TOILET FLUSHES 70 00:09:00,879 --> 00:09:02,919 Coffee? Tea, please. 71 00:09:05,639 --> 00:09:10,039 Morning. Oh, is that the kettle on? Stick another tea bag in, will you? 72 00:09:12,399 --> 00:09:15,559 Oh... Does your dad take sugar? 73 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:40,600 So, where does your girlfriend live, then? Victoria Park. Oh, this is miles out your way. 74 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,039 It's all right. Is it right here? 75 00:09:43,039 --> 00:09:45,399 Just drop me on the corner. 76 00:09:49,799 --> 00:09:57,240 I'll take you home if you like. No, really. I'm going to the Paki shop for milk. Cheers, you're a star. 77 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,799 See you soon, I hope. 78 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:15,840 A what party?! Aloe vera. It's a wotsit...you know, a herb. 79 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:22,879 Yeah, but... What do you do with it? They put it in cream and things. I know. So it's a face cream party? 80 00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:28,639 Not just face cream, no... Saleswoman of the year! Don't pack for the Caribbean just yet! 81 00:10:28,639 --> 00:10:35,320 Wednesday night - what else'd you be doing? Don't bother asking this one. She's never in these days. 82 00:10:39,919 --> 00:10:45,360 Dad? What? Any chance of a lift? I'm supposed to meet Nat at nine. 83 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,440 Where? Cat and Fiddle. She's on her own. 84 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,480 I'll just put these on a low light. Won't be long. 85 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,679 Where you going? Give Alex a lift. 86 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,840 Why can't he get the bus? It's no bother. 87 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,559 I'll just get my shoes on. 88 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:20,440 A 58's due. Is it? Go now, you'll catch it. Natalie's expecting me at nine. You should've left earlier. 89 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:25,440 I was busy. If you'd left earlier, your dad could have had his tea. 90 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:30,919 I don't hear him complaining. Well, you won't! So what's the problem? I'm just saying! 91 00:11:30,919 --> 00:11:34,960 What's up? I was just... Sticking her nose in. You watch your lip! 92 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:39,159 If my dad has a problem, he lets me know about it. Pack it in! 93 00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:41,279 I'm keeping out of this. Yeah! 94 00:11:41,279 --> 00:11:45,639 Enough! Just cos she's shagging you, she can't order me around. Alex! 95 00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:48,039 Forget it. 96 00:12:08,919 --> 00:12:11,080 Quiet tonight. 97 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,200 I think I'll get going. Going where? 98 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:23,320 Mrs Kelly's place got screwed last night. They had a go at Mary's an' all, but Billy disturbed 'em. 99 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,759 Only kids, but I don't want to take any chances 100 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:53,080 I'll come in with you. No, I'm all right. Just a quick check round. 101 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:13,279 All present and correct. You need a lock on that kitchen window. I know. 102 00:13:13,279 --> 00:13:18,399 I could pick you one up on Saturday. Five minute job, if that. Right. 103 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:29,399 Right, then. I'll be off. Night. 104 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,960 I'm sorry about...you know. 105 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,080 Don't worry about it. 106 00:13:47,799 --> 00:13:50,320 I'll ring you tomorrow. 107 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,200 KNOCK AT DOOR 108 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,840 Bev! 109 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,200 What? 110 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,279 Move in with me. 111 00:14:10,279 --> 00:14:12,200 Bev? 112 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,559 Take the bloody chain off! 113 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,360 I miss you when you go home. Move in. 114 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:31,000 We've only been seeing each other five minutes. I haven't been this happy for years. 115 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,000 What about the lads? They're never in. Besides, it's my house. 116 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,600 Say yeah. We'll have a laugh. 117 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:59,720 What's all this? Dunno. Is Dad having a clear-out for Oxfam? 118 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,679 Are Oxfam that desperate? 119 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:08,000 Look at 'em! Couldn't wait to get their hands on my knick-knacks. 120 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,759 Erm... 121 00:15:13,559 --> 00:15:19,000 I've asked Bev to move in. I've said yes - in case you hadn't guessed. 122 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:23,320 Come on. I should've done you breakfast in bed, by rights. 123 00:15:25,639 --> 00:15:28,440 He's taking the piss. 124 00:15:31,759 --> 00:15:34,399 Sylvia, have you got my new address? 125 00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:39,600 There's the number. I won't bother giving you the e-mail address. Ta. 126 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,559 Does that tuna smell right to you? Freda! It's a bit... Fishy? 127 00:15:43,559 --> 00:15:44,840 Yeah. 128 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:49,159 Right. Just nipping up the office. Tell Trudy, you know, I've moved. 129 00:15:52,559 --> 00:15:55,240 D'you think she's moved house? 130 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:02,639 RADIO: 'Lancashire was the big winner when the latest round of money was announced today to improve...' 131 00:16:02,639 --> 00:16:05,080 Have you seen my files? Mmm? 132 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:10,960 '£1 billion of public and private sector money is to be spent on 20 projects...' 133 00:16:22,039 --> 00:16:24,320 Who's that? 134 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,159 My lad, Jamie. He's serving in Kosovo. 135 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:42,080 You don't go to Rusholme and order a pizza. I didn't fancy a Chinese. 136 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:45,120 And you didn't get owt. I had a big tea. 137 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:51,159 She always says this. She'll have about five chip butties and I'll end up with one bite of sausage. 138 00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:54,440 I'm knackered. Stick the kettle on, Nat. 139 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,559 What? 140 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,640 What? 141 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,720 What? 142 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:31,920 What?! 143 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:31,920 THE LADS LAUGH HYSTERICALLY 144 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:36,960 What?! 145 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,279 Why don't you just chuck it in a skip? What? 146 00:18:23,279 --> 00:18:27,319 All my mum's stuff. What?! You're filling the place with crap! 147 00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:33,640 It's like Aladdin's bleedin' cave! Watch your mouth. In front of YOU?! I mean it. This is my home as well. 148 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:39,640 Six weeks and you'll be back in Peasant Crescent. You snotty git! If your dad could hear you. 149 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:44,920 What's going on? Nothing. Nothing?! My dad's not stupid. 150 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:49,599 He's used to better than this. Love's young dream with your mum? 151 00:18:49,599 --> 00:18:54,920 Yeah! Till they shut the bedroom door. What? You're the intellectual. 152 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:59,720 Nowt to do with you! She wouldn't let him near her. Six years! Slag! 153 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,559 He only stayed cos she was sick. 154 00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:06,920 Alex! You little shit! 155 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:11,200 I'd have more respect if you took it out on my face. Yeah! 156 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,079 Just leave it. She's not worth it. 157 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,160 You can't! 158 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:35,039 Alex! I can. She's right. I'd end up chinning the bitch. 159 00:19:39,319 --> 00:19:41,759 He called me a slag. Little bastard. 160 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:48,960 It just came out. They weren't happy. Not for years. 161 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,119 Mal's gonna kill me. 162 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:58,880 He'll kick me out. He won't. ..Will he, Sylv? 163 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,720 He won't. He will. 164 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,799 I should've kept my big mouth shut. 165 00:20:19,279 --> 00:20:22,640 CAR ENGINE 166 00:20:38,839 --> 00:20:40,759 I'm sorry. 167 00:20:41,839 --> 00:20:47,960 How could you do that? That was private. Between me and Rita. And me and you. I didn't mean to say it. 168 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:53,640 Those boys thought the world of their mother. I know. Why spoil that? It wasn't like that! 169 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:58,400 Who else've you told? I bet it's the talk of the canteen. 170 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,599 Hang on. What's the point? You don't want to listen. 171 00:21:04,599 --> 00:21:09,400 What're you doing? Jumping before I'm pushed. You'll get your case back. 172 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:14,000 I might be a slag but I'm not a thief. Bev! I lost it. I'm sorry. 173 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:19,960 But I've had blokes telling me I'm a piece of shit. This is ALEX we're talking about! 174 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:24,960 They might look like trash, but I've had 'em a long time. 175 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:29,319 Most of them are from Jamie. Cyprus. Belize. 176 00:21:29,319 --> 00:21:30,960 Blackpool. 177 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:35,000 That were the first one he bought me. They were on a school trip. 178 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:40,279 He might've lifted it. You never knew with him. They might patch up. 179 00:21:40,279 --> 00:21:46,799 I mean, I'm not even into teapots. It was just, you know, a little thing we had going. 180 00:21:46,799 --> 00:21:49,039 All they ever do is take. 181 00:21:49,039 --> 00:21:55,160 If they're not tapping you for cash, they're dragging you out to taxi 'em. They wanna grow up. 182 00:21:55,319 --> 00:21:59,400 They don't wanna know about my sex life. 183 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:04,720 Bev! Don't. I'm not trying to step into Rita's shoes. Nobody thinks that. 184 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,119 The kids do. They'll have to learn! 185 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:11,759 Wake up, Mal! Look at this house. It's got Rita stamped all over it. 186 00:22:11,759 --> 00:22:15,759 I put my pictures up - I'm trying to muscle in. 187 00:22:15,759 --> 00:22:21,079 We sleep in Rita's bed, for Christ's sake! I can't compete. Bev, please! 188 00:22:21,079 --> 00:22:23,759 I don't even want to try. 189 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,960 Hiya! 190 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,640 Ready for that brew, lads? 191 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,160 What's going on? 192 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:04,599 What's it look like? We thought we'd have a chippy tea. 193 00:23:04,599 --> 00:23:07,039 I mean, we've been a bit busy. 194 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,759 There you are, mate. Keep the change. Cheers, mate. 195 00:23:44,759 --> 00:23:48,559 They'll be inside. Hey! Some bath that was! 196 00:23:48,559 --> 00:23:53,200 Cat's lick more like. Have I overdone it? I wasn't sure. 197 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,680 You look a million dollars. You're too good for this place. 198 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,759 They won't eat you. 199 00:24:00,839 --> 00:24:03,920 Oh! You all right? Yeah. 200 00:24:05,799 --> 00:24:10,160 MUSIC: "Downtown" by Petula Clark 201 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:15,880 Hello. Pleased to meet you. Where are the girls? They're over there. 202 00:24:18,079 --> 00:24:20,920 Now, then! Hiya. This is Molly. 203 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:25,839 Hello, Molly. 204 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:25,839 THEY EXCHANGE HELLOS 205 00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:30,200 What do you want to drink? I've never been a fan of Artex myself. 206 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,799 Rita was though, wasn't she? 207 00:24:32,799 --> 00:24:38,960 I dunno, was she? It's in every room in the house! I mean, the bedroom ceiling's just... 208 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,279 You know, really in your face. 209 00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:45,720 - Never seen the bedroom ceiling. - Or she's not letting on! 210 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:52,279 She won't be seeing it again - let's put it that way! You're seeing plenty of it, then, are you? Yes. 211 00:24:52,279 --> 00:24:56,279 - Mal, she's talking about you! - What? 212 00:24:56,279 --> 00:25:00,160 Thought you had a spring in your step! He's not complaining! 213 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:09,720 No. All I'm saying is the game's not a game any more. Excuse me. 214 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,680 Here, love, when you've a minute. 215 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:18,920 Under 11's - you should see 'em on a Sunday morning. Mums as well as dads, giving dog's abuse at the ref. 216 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:23,119 Well, people should support their kids. That's not support. 217 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,960 Hiya, gorgeous. Come to give you a hand. We're OK. 218 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:33,720 You can have this. I'm off down the boardroom - where the big nobs hang out. Big nobs! 219 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,440 You happy? 220 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:42,640 Are you? I love you. You know that, don't you? 221 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,680 Yeah. No, but really. 222 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,680 That's it, folks. 223 00:25:50,319 --> 00:25:54,559 Talk about short arms and long pockets! Every pound's a prisoner! 224 00:25:54,559 --> 00:25:58,880 All right, all right! Come back to ours. We've got plenty of booze. 225 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,960 He's just gone faint. I've an early start in the morning. 226 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:07,319 Bollocks to that! Crack your face for once in your life! 227 00:26:09,559 --> 00:26:14,359 MUSIC: "Hippy Hippy Shake" by Swinging Blue Jeans 228 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,640 Look who I've found! 229 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,640 What're you doing in? He lives here. 230 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,720 He was studying. Well, trying to. What? On a Saturday night? 231 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:27,519 Exam. If he was downloading porn off the Internet, I'd have understood! 232 00:26:27,519 --> 00:26:33,279 What are we gonna do with him? Sue, have you got a daughter we can fix him up with? 233 00:26:33,279 --> 00:26:39,160 Here, Scott. Have a beer. My Jamie was the opposite. You couldn't keep him in of a night. 234 00:26:42,319 --> 00:26:44,440 I wonder why(!) 235 00:26:46,079 --> 00:26:50,519 Come on, Scott, let's have some dance music! 236 00:26:50,519 --> 00:26:52,200 # De-de-de-de-dee! # 237 00:26:53,880 --> 00:27:00,279 Teach us old ones how it's done! I think you've done enough dancing for one night. I haven't! 238 00:27:00,279 --> 00:27:05,559 Let's get you upstairs. 239 00:27:00,279 --> 00:27:05,559 Is that an invitation? 240 00:27:00,279 --> 00:27:05,559 Night, all! 241 00:27:05,559 --> 00:27:08,720 Oh, goodnight. 242 00:27:05,559 --> 00:27:08,720 ALL: Goodnight. 243 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:12,160 BEV WHOOPS AND GIGGLES 244 00:27:34,039 --> 00:27:37,240 Oi...come back to bed. 245 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,640 Still speaking to me, then? 246 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:59,519 Not a bad club, that Legion. Yeah. It's been done up. ..You're only down the road, aren't you, Sylvia? 247 00:27:59,519 --> 00:28:03,720 Not far. You should bring Steve down one night. We had a right laugh. 248 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:09,759 They're a real friendly crowd. And, you know, I felt like I'd known 'em all for years. 249 00:28:09,759 --> 00:28:12,960 We sank a few. Half the night's a blur. 250 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:17,319 But I woke up walking like John Wayne, so it must've ended up OK! 251 00:28:19,319 --> 00:28:23,720 It went into a skid and the wheels locked. The car was a write-off. 252 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:29,839 Sorry we're late. Who are you talking about? We went 253 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:29,839 to that new Italian. Very nice. 254 00:28:29,839 --> 00:28:34,200 Was it? ..Ran that lighting shop. Twin girls. 255 00:28:29,839 --> 00:28:34,200 Blonde? 256 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,640 That's the one. 257 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,640 Who's this you're talking about? 258 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:43,599 Great crack last night. Your missus can't half lay on a spread. She has her uses! 259 00:28:43,599 --> 00:28:49,640 My head this morning, though - banging! What was in that trifle - moonshine? 260 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:56,400 And this clown? Grafting on a Friday night? I hope it was worth it, you grasping get! 261 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:04,799 I'm sorry about that. Bit of a mix-up. She was meant to ring you. 262 00:29:04,799 --> 00:29:11,079 Well, we couldn't have made it, anyway. Bev was out with some of her mates from work. 263 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,799 Parr Street, please. Off Ash Road. 264 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:38,440 You've hardly said two words since you got here. Sue and John had a do last night. A meal or something. 265 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,440 Molly and Charlie were there. Oh. 266 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:47,359 There was a mix-up, apparently. They were supposed to ring us, John said. 267 00:29:47,359 --> 00:29:49,880 But they told Charlie I was working. 268 00:29:52,119 --> 00:29:58,160 Can you turn around, please? No! Turn round. You're not going back in there. Watch me! 269 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:02,400 I mean it. You're not going back. Just leave it. 270 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:08,720 How many free holidays have they had off you? What's that got to do with it? They're finished! 271 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:13,200 Give it a rest, will you? ..I thought you were having an early night? 272 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,480 There was a good film on. I'm going up. 273 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,640 What are you doing, Dad? Don't start. I've had it up to here. 274 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,079 D'you think me mum would've liked her? 275 00:30:42,079 --> 00:30:46,200 What kind of stupid question's that?! I'm asking. Your mother's dead! 276 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,160 I'm still here. 277 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,680 She's taken ten years off me. 278 00:31:09,319 --> 00:31:11,440 She makes me laugh. 279 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,519 She listens. WE listen. 280 00:31:18,559 --> 00:31:20,279 Dad... 281 00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:25,279 You know what we think of you. 282 00:31:27,559 --> 00:31:29,960 You're never here. 283 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:31,799 Is that it? 284 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,599 Did you know your dad could walk on his hands? 285 00:31:49,319 --> 00:31:54,839 He tells a good joke - just the one! And he's fantastic in the sack. 286 00:31:54,839 --> 00:31:58,359 Oh, turn your nose up all you like. 287 00:31:58,359 --> 00:32:00,680 I wish I'd met him years ago. 288 00:32:02,359 --> 00:32:06,240 He deserves a life an' all, you know. 289 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,480 Oh, ta, love. 290 00:32:33,799 --> 00:32:38,720 It's getting to you, all this. It'll all blow over. 291 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,599 That's families for you. Humph! Not MY family. 292 00:32:42,599 --> 00:32:49,440 Any families with teenagers in. End of the world one minute, all smiles the next. Goes with the territory. 293 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,759 They're not kids, Bev, they're adults. And they're all I've got. 294 00:32:54,759 --> 00:32:58,799 You've got me. They're all the FAMILY I've got. 295 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,880 COUGHING 296 00:33:18,039 --> 00:33:22,400 How late? Three weeks. You won't tell anyone, will you? 297 00:33:35,279 --> 00:33:37,319 Hey, Julie! 298 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,319 Up the stick. You?! 299 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,480 Ow! 300 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:55,200 What you reading? Magazine. ..There's room here. 301 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:03,279 I don't know if I can face this. It looks ropey. But you've got to eat. 302 00:34:03,279 --> 00:34:06,799 Well...yeah. You should. 303 00:34:06,799 --> 00:34:09,559 You may as well tell her. 304 00:34:11,599 --> 00:34:14,559 I'm pregnant. Never! 305 00:34:14,559 --> 00:34:17,039 What was that? Bev's pregnant. 306 00:34:17,039 --> 00:34:19,519 Nice one, Ju. You're kidding! 307 00:34:19,519 --> 00:34:23,800 Don't look so amazed. I'm not that old. What are you, about 43? 308 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:28,360 Thirty-eight! ..Just. That's no age these days. 309 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:33,480 I don't envy you. Look at our Lillian. She were 46! Good Catholics. 310 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,199 Little fella come out with six toes on one foot. Freda! 311 00:34:37,199 --> 00:34:39,440 He's a smashing little swimmer. 312 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,840 What I don't get is, how did it happen? 313 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,800 Have a word! 314 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,559 No, I don't mean... You know what I mean! 315 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:59,280 Oh, cheers. I need it. So when are you gonna tell Mal? 316 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:03,480 Maybe I should just get rid of it and not tell him. 317 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:09,679 Are you sure he won't want it? No. But I'm pretty sure I don't. A baby, at my age? 318 00:35:13,079 --> 00:35:14,599 How? 319 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:19,400 I mean... I thought you were on the pill? 320 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,800 I was. I AM. 321 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:28,280 These things happen. You just never think it's gonna happen to you. 322 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,679 I'm sorry. 323 00:35:35,679 --> 00:35:37,880 I'm just gobsmacked. 324 00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:43,119 Being a dad again after all these years. 325 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,840 It takes some getting used to. 326 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,239 Not if I get rid of it. 327 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:53,440 The sooner, the better. Then we can get back to normal. 328 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,440 Should you be doing that? 329 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:26,559 This is a really big decision. We shouldn't rule anything out. Not yet. 330 00:36:26,559 --> 00:36:28,719 Smelly nappies? 331 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:32,280 Walking the floor at four in the morning? 332 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,880 Screaming and crying - and that'd just be me. 333 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:41,119 We've done all that. We both have. We don't want to do it all again. 334 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,000 You owe me one. 335 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,519 They reckon it keeps you young. 336 00:36:55,519 --> 00:37:02,280 It wouldn't be like the first time, when you don't know its head from its tail. We'd be more confident. 337 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:07,559 We'd be more knackered. We'd share more. I hardly did a tap for my two. 338 00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:13,400 I gave them a bottle, but I never changed their nappies. I never bathed them. 339 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,800 It'll be much easier this time round. 340 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,039 You'll feel trapped. People'll say things. 341 00:37:21,079 --> 00:37:27,199 It'll start eating away. You know - "Did she do it on purpose?" I can't go through all that again. 342 00:37:27,199 --> 00:37:29,480 I'm not gonna dump you. 343 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,800 Bev, I'm not gonna dump you. 344 00:37:56,559 --> 00:38:00,599 Hiya! She's been OK today. A bit peaky, but OK. 345 00:38:00,599 --> 00:38:06,599 Oh, am I getting a lift home? Yeah. I'm honoured. You've told the girls. 346 00:38:06,599 --> 00:38:10,400 Only some of them. Does that mean...? 347 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,320 No. Nothing's changed, Mal. 348 00:38:20,039 --> 00:38:25,320 Sod it! I was gonna wait till we got home. 349 00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:26,559 Here. 350 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,039 Will you marry me, Bev? 351 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,000 You know what this is? Classy. 352 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:48,519 It must've cost you a fortune. I can't believe you got me ring size right! 353 00:38:51,519 --> 00:38:56,119 What? What's up? We're gonna regret this, years to come. Eh? 354 00:38:56,119 --> 00:39:02,280 I don't mean this! I just mean doing it in the car park. I should've waited till I'd got you on my own. 355 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:04,960 No. That's you. It's perfect. 356 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:10,519 So now we've got to decide when. Before the baby? 357 00:39:10,519 --> 00:39:13,800 What - and look fat on the photos?! 358 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,079 MAL LAUGHS 359 00:39:23,119 --> 00:39:29,760 Natalie wants to know can she do anything? Drink her beer and keep you out from under our feet. 360 00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:33,559 Be ready in five minutes, tell them. 361 00:39:33,559 --> 00:39:35,679 Right. Ta. 362 00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:39,599 Thanks. 363 00:39:39,599 --> 00:39:42,079 What's all this in aid of, then? 364 00:39:42,079 --> 00:39:47,079 Why are you so cynical? Maybe she just wants to build a few bridges. 365 00:39:47,079 --> 00:39:52,599 Dream on! Maybe the squaddie's moving in. That'd be a laugh. Hilarious(!) 366 00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:56,880 Jamie. He's in... Strangeways. She got a birthday card off him. 367 00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:02,119 So he CAN write, then? ..Nat, look. Look nice in our living room, that! 368 00:40:02,119 --> 00:40:05,239 Snob. And remember, it's MY living room. 369 00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,960 I've had my wrist slapped. Forgot the nibbles. 370 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,960 I hope you're hungry. I could eat a scabby-headed horse. 371 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:17,239 You've tried Bev's cooking, then? Hey! I heard that. 372 00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,239 Pushing the boat out. Well... 373 00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:23,480 we've got a little announcement. 374 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,760 We're getting married. 375 00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,000 Oh. 376 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:37,119 That's not all. You're going to have a little brother or sister. 377 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,360 You dickhead. Alex, leave it. 378 00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:46,400 What is your problem, Dad? Not the lecture about the birds and bees? 379 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:51,400 She's pulling you by the plonker! Do you not think I've a mind of my own? 380 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:57,000 D'you really want me to answer that? She's right - you're a cocky little toe-rag! 381 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:01,480 Oh, if she says it, it must be right then, mustn't it(?) Go, then, 382 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,239 if that's what you're gonna be like! 383 00:41:06,639 --> 00:41:08,920 Oh, come here. I'm sorry. 384 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:14,920 If they were girls, I could understand it. You know - girls and their mums, it's special. 385 00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,039 It's nothing to do with my mum! 386 00:41:17,039 --> 00:41:19,599 It's not Mum, it's HER! 387 00:41:19,599 --> 00:41:24,199 Mal? It's obvious. Blokes she's had? You don't get pregnant by accident. 388 00:41:24,199 --> 00:41:28,079 Stop it! For Christ's sake, stop it NOW! 389 00:41:28,079 --> 00:41:32,719 SHE'S done this! Go on - get out! You're as bad as your brother. 390 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:58,920 BANGS AND MOANS FROM UPSTAIRS 391 00:42:12,679 --> 00:42:18,760 Let's get something straight. You don't like me? Fine. You're not marrying me. 392 00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:23,280 All you've got to do is pass me on the stairs if you want to stay here. 393 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:28,360 So, we'll start again then. What do you want for breakfast? Toast? 394 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:29,920 Please. 395 00:42:33,119 --> 00:42:37,239 It's all right, Mal. Really. It's all right. 396 00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:49,079 MUSIC: "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate 397 00:42:52,199 --> 00:42:56,000 Right. Who's having what? Same again. 398 00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:00,039 And me. I'll give you a lift. No, honestly, I love it. 399 00:43:00,039 --> 00:43:04,280 Love the colour. It's just a shame it's gotta go back. 400 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,320 It's a 16. 401 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,320 Yeah? I'm only a 12. You what?! 402 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:17,719 People make that mistake, but I'm deceptive. I've got a narrow back. 403 00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:22,159 Putting it away tonight a bit, aren't you? You wanna be careful. 404 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:24,639 What? 405 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:27,320 WHAT? 406 00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:28,880 Nothing! 407 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:35,559 What's so funny? I can't tell you. It's a secret. What's a secret? 408 00:43:40,079 --> 00:43:42,239 I'm not! Not what? 409 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,159 You're not pregnant?! 410 00:43:48,039 --> 00:43:50,760 I just said that! 411 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:53,400 You're having me on. 412 00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:57,039 Tell me you're having me on. Your face! 413 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:04,280 # Why does it feel, why Why does it feel, why 414 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,239 # Why does it feel so good? 415 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,000 # If this ain't love... # 416 00:44:19,679 --> 00:44:23,239 Look at Laughing Gas! What's up with you? Nowt! 417 00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:28,000 This'll cheer you up - it's your shout. Tia Maria and coke and... 418 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,599 Orange juice. Orange juice?! 419 00:44:30,599 --> 00:44:32,119 Please. 420 00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,519 Why? Why what? 421 00:44:46,519 --> 00:44:50,679 Why what?! Why'd you lie about something as big as that? 422 00:44:50,679 --> 00:44:56,840 You know what fellas are like. No. They trundle along, same old groove, for years, if you let 'em. 423 00:44:56,840 --> 00:45:01,519 They need a little nudge. It worked, didn't it? 24-carat proof! 424 00:45:01,519 --> 00:45:05,719 Mal's a really nice bloke. I wanna hang onto him. By lying? 425 00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:11,079 And you've never told the odd porky? "Odd porky"?! This is a BABY! 426 00:45:11,079 --> 00:45:17,519 He might have noticed nine months down the line! You'll get arrested, carrying on like that! 427 00:45:17,519 --> 00:45:19,960 Come on! Get in, Julie. 428 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:24,440 I'm fine. I'll get a taxi. I'll run you. But it's the opposite direction. 429 00:45:24,519 --> 00:45:27,800 Get in! ..Did you have a good time? Yeah. 430 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:32,639 You all right, love? Tired. 431 00:45:32,639 --> 00:45:35,119 Next stop, the chippy! 432 00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:40,360 RADIO IS ON 433 00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,800 Shall I ring the doctor's? No. 434 00:45:55,800 --> 00:46:02,000 It's nothing I can put my finger on. Morning sickness, probably. Cos I can take the day off work. 435 00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:06,119 No! I'll go back to bed for a bit. I'll be fine. 436 00:46:06,119 --> 00:46:10,400 You've got my mobile number? Yes. Stop worrying! 437 00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:12,679 You'll be late! 438 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,800 Go on, then. Get yourself off to bed. 439 00:46:43,039 --> 00:46:46,599 # Boom, boom, boom, boom I want you in my room 440 00:46:46,599 --> 00:46:50,679 # Let's spend the night together Now until forever... # 441 00:46:54,119 --> 00:46:57,519 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 442 00:46:59,960 --> 00:47:03,800 Mal! Can you get it for us? 443 00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:05,719 All right. 444 00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:09,039 Hello? ..Is that you, Bev? 445 00:47:09,039 --> 00:47:12,239 Everything all right? ..Mal! 446 00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,519 What's up? She's at the hospital. 447 00:47:20,119 --> 00:47:21,639 Bev! 448 00:47:26,039 --> 00:47:28,159 What are you doing? 449 00:47:28,159 --> 00:47:34,559 I wanna go home. What happened? What did the doctors say? Just get me away from this place. 450 00:47:34,559 --> 00:47:36,920 But what about the baby? 451 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:40,679 I'm sorry. ..I'm so, so sorry. 452 00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,559 They're lovely. Thanks, Scott. 453 00:47:59,559 --> 00:48:02,440 Got you these. In case you were bored. 454 00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:04,159 Thanks, love. 455 00:48:05,159 --> 00:48:08,239 I'm...I'm really sorry. 456 00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,840 Why don't you put them in water, son? 457 00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:21,400 He's a good kid, in't he? 458 00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:25,199 Hey! 459 00:48:25,199 --> 00:48:27,239 Hey, come on! 460 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,119 What's up? 461 00:48:30,119 --> 00:48:31,880 What's up? 462 00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:35,559 You're not gonna want me any more. 463 00:48:35,559 --> 00:48:37,320 Bev! 464 00:48:43,159 --> 00:48:47,880 Collection for Bev. We'll send her some flowers. I've not got me purse. 465 00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:52,000 Will I put a couple of quid in for you? Please yourself. 466 00:48:54,679 --> 00:48:58,880 'More of that later. But first, I'd better tell you...' 467 00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,000 You all right? 468 00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,320 What's this? 469 00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,199 Read it. 470 00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:14,800 St Lucia? Mal? 471 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,079 10th to the 24th of February. 472 00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:24,039 Get the time off sorted. We're in lumber if someone else books. Can't have a wedding without the bride. 473 00:49:24,039 --> 00:49:25,840 Wedding? 474 00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:28,880 St Lucia?! Oh, Mal! 475 00:49:49,559 --> 00:49:53,960 She's landed on her feet here. Have you seen the upstairs? No. 476 00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:57,360 Go and have a nose. I'll mind your glass. 477 00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:59,320 Bathroom's on your left. 478 00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:05,679 FORK CLINKS AGAINST GLASS 479 00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:05,679 Ladies and gentlemen. No big speeches. 480 00:50:05,679 --> 00:50:12,400 My fiancee and I would just like to thank you for all the presents and cards and good wishes. 481 00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:16,079 But most of all, for your support. 482 00:50:16,079 --> 00:50:21,360 It's times like this you find out who your real mates are and, well... 483 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:29,079 they're all here. Have a drink, raid the buffet. Bev'll be doing the rounds with the wedding list. 484 00:50:29,079 --> 00:50:33,519 That were a joke, by the way! 485 00:50:29,079 --> 00:50:33,519 SUBDUED LAUGHTER 486 00:50:33,519 --> 00:50:37,719 The only present I want is standing right next to me. 487 00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:41,800 For the rest of my life, I hope. I'm blushing. 488 00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:45,519 So...ladies and gentlemen... 489 00:50:45,519 --> 00:50:48,960 friends and family, raise your glasses, please... 490 00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:50,440 to Bev. 491 00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,239 ALL: Bev! 492 00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:56,400 Cheers, everyone! 493 00:51:10,559 --> 00:51:14,679 What are you doing, still at home? We're waiting to go! 494 00:51:14,679 --> 00:51:17,760 Our Lindsay hasn't come home. Where is she? 495 00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,480 I'll kill Julie! 496 00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:24,599 So? They're your kids. Debatable! You wouldn't recognise 'em. 497 00:51:24,599 --> 00:51:28,320 You're getting on me tits, Freda. 498 00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,519 Me bag! He's got me bag! 499 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:37,000 Hiya. 'She's left nothing behind. They've not even got pyjamas.' 500 00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:39,920 Fantastic! 501 00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:43,480 Jesus, no! Gary, come down! ..Gary! 502 00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,679 Does Mark know? No! 503 00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,800 I nicked the fabric from work. 504 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:53,480 So? 505 00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:57,360 # Sex bomb, sex bomb You're my sex bomb... # 506 00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,320 A bloke's taking the kids! 507 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,119 Oh, God! 508 00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:30,000 Subtitles by Valery Tough BBC Scotland 2001 509 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:33,039 E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk