1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:09,039
This programme contains
some scenes of a sexual nature.

2
00:01:06,799 --> 00:01:09,519
DOG BARKS

3
00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:33,280
DOG GROWLS

4
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,759
EXCITED BARKING

5
00:01:59,159 --> 00:02:01,239
Nice one(!)

6
00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:03,120
CRASH!

7
00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:28,960
Faster! Faster!

8
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,039
Come on, girls!

9
00:02:39,039 --> 00:02:43,360
Let's call it a night.
Dad, you've got to catch us first.

10
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:49,479
BOTH: You can't catch us!
# Slowcoach! Slowcoach, can't catch
us! # You'll never be up for school.

11
00:02:53,479 --> 00:02:55,960
Is he still looking?

12
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,800
MICROPHONE SCREECHES

13
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,800
Get to sleep!

14
00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:27,759
Oh, no!

15
00:03:34,199 --> 00:03:39,039
Come on, Keano. ..Just stay there
and don't make a sound. What's up?

16
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,599
I was just about to come looking
for you.

17
00:03:56,599 --> 00:04:02,280
I've told you,
if I'm on patrol, beep your horn.
The dog could have had you.

18
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,360
The only thing
that dog'll have is a shite.

19
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,680
It's like Blackpool up there.

20
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:13,039
I'll go and switch them off
while you put the kettle on.
No. Don't. Why not?

21
00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:17,759
Scarey dog on the loose(?)
No, no. I'll do it in a minute.

22
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,000
Suit yourself.

23
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,800
So, did you get your baby-sitter
in the end?

24
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,240
Oh, yeah.

25
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,040
It was all a bit sudden, wasn't it?

26
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,840
You know what women are like
for "acting on impulse."

27
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,759
It's not going to be
a regular thing, is it?

28
00:04:38,759 --> 00:04:40,279
Oh, no, no.

29
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:47,399
I said I'll go next week as well.
Aww, Mum!

30
00:04:47,399 --> 00:04:52,519
It was supposed to be a one-off.
But I enjoyed it. Two games
I was sweating on one number.

31
00:04:52,519 --> 00:04:56,720
Can't you go when the kids
are at school? Eva works in t'day.

32
00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:01,959
I'd have no-one to go with. I thought
Trudy was looking after them.
That was a one-off.

33
00:05:01,959 --> 00:05:06,040
Don't you think I'm entitled
to one night out a week?

34
00:05:08,199 --> 00:05:11,519
I'll pay you.
I told you last week...

35
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,040
Name your price. Product specs?

36
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:19,079
Blue binder. Top shelf.
..I can't take your money.
You only get £3.70 an hour.

37
00:05:19,079 --> 00:05:23,120
Do it for free, then! I don't even
like kids. Neither do they!

38
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:28,319
You'll get on like a house on fire.
Have you finished
the maintenance records? Nearly.

39
00:05:28,319 --> 00:05:31,319
How are you getting on?
I'll be a while.

40
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:37,319
Well, take your time. I'm in no
hurry. Shall I make us all a coffee?

41
00:05:37,319 --> 00:05:42,399
I'll do it. No, let me.
I'm neither use nor ornament here.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.

42
00:05:42,399 --> 00:05:45,680
How do you take it, Mack?

43
00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:47,360
Eh?

44
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:51,120
Oh, er, milk, one sugar.
Cup's on my desk.

45
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,399
Who's she?

46
00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:57,800
My sister.

47
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:02,800
What's she doing here?
Giving me a lift home...she SAYS.

48
00:06:04,759 --> 00:06:07,800
She's good with kids.
Why not ask her?

49
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:12,560
I'd have to get to know her first.
You're my only hope, Trude. Please.

50
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:16,079
It's only going to be
one night a week.

51
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,040
Oh, go on, then.

52
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:25,000
You'll need someone else next week,
though. I'll take you for a drink.

53
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,399
No! I'm not trying
to get off with you again.

54
00:06:37,399 --> 00:06:40,040
So how are you managing, Mack?

55
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,279
On your own, I mean.

56
00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:47,040
Er, yes, fine, thanks. Only I know
when I split with Trevor...

57
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:51,079
Janice, no offence, but I've got the
auditors in first thing tomorrow.

58
00:06:51,079 --> 00:06:56,240
Yes. I can see you're busy.
Sure there isn't anything else
I could do to help?

59
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,840
Do you know anything about ISO9000?

60
00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:00,920
No.

61
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,519
Then I don't think so, do you?

62
00:07:03,519 --> 00:07:08,319
How about if I treat you
to a proper drink? Help you unwind.

63
00:07:09,399 --> 00:07:12,000
It's a nice offer. Thanks a lot.

64
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,360
But I'm not really ready
for all that.

65
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,279
OK.

66
00:07:18,279 --> 00:07:20,120
Fine.

67
00:07:21,639 --> 00:07:24,439
Just the coffee, then. Yeah. Thanks.

68
00:07:30,399 --> 00:07:34,920
Dad, we don't need a baby-sitter.
Why can't you look after us?

69
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:41,480
Because if I get caught...
But we had a laugh.
And we didn't tell Nan, did we?

70
00:07:42,639 --> 00:07:43,680
Hello.

71
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:48,639
Apart from anything else,
I don't like the flat
being empty of a night.

72
00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:52,639
So Trudy's looking after you.
That is final! OK.

73
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:56,120
And Greta takes the corner
at 180 miles an hour!

74
00:07:56,120 --> 00:08:01,279
Grace is gaining ground AND this is,
without doubt, THE most exciting

75
00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:05,319
Mackintosh Textiles Grand Prix
we've seen SINCE the last one.

76
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,040
She's cheating!

77
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:21,279
200 miles an hour! 250!
They're breaking the speed barrier!

78
00:08:21,279 --> 00:08:23,560
There's going to be a crash!

79
00:08:37,399 --> 00:08:39,919
You could do worse than Barry.

80
00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:44,639
Who? Barry. From our place. The fella
you were supposed to baby-sit for?

81
00:08:44,639 --> 00:08:47,279
That's him. He's a security guard.

82
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,159
So?

83
00:08:50,159 --> 00:08:53,039
Do you think
I've got no ambition left?

84
00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:56,960
He's reliable.
He stands up his own baby-sitters.

85
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:02,240
He's a nice fella.
His heart's in the right place.
I think you two would hit it off.

86
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:06,080
A loser with two kids.
What kind of a prospect is he?

87
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:33,039
Dad! Put Steps back on. Come on.
You've had your two minutes.

88
00:09:41,799 --> 00:09:44,360
What's up with you now?

89
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,000
It's...it's...

90
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,960
It's 23 points.
They need a telephone claim.

91
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:02,679
Have you found it yet?

92
00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:09,679
It changes the way
people look at you, you know. I know.
Greta had it last! No, I didn't!

93
00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:15,679
You did the phone-in competition
on SMTV. I didn't! They tell you
to ask permission first!

94
00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:18,480
Come on, girls. I need that phone.
It's important.

95
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:25,159
They'll be like flies round muck.
They'll break in again when they know
there's something worth pinching.

96
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:29,159
We could move house.
You were born in this house.

97
00:10:29,159 --> 00:10:35,320
We don't have to move far, do we?
Could look into it, I suppose.
But it'll take time.

98
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:41,000
I'm going to ban you both
from using that bloody thing.
It was HER who lost it!

99
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:47,759
I can buy them one each now
if this is right. No. Until we get
ourselves fixed, carry on as normal.

100
00:10:47,759 --> 00:10:52,679
Don't say a word to anyone. Do you
hear me? OK, Mam. You're the boss!

101
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,519
Yes!

102
00:11:05,519 --> 00:11:08,440
Yes! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

103
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,519
YES! Get in.

104
00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:13,519
Get in.

105
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,679
All the best. See you later.

106
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,759
Cheers, mate.

107
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,919
Fancy going for a pint
this Saturday?

108
00:11:32,919 --> 00:11:38,639
On me? Sorry, Barry. I've got
something on. A woman? Yeah.

109
00:11:39,639 --> 00:11:43,279
Oi! Softshite!
Don't let people do that to your dog!

110
00:11:43,279 --> 00:11:49,320
Do what? Stroke it! It's only
Martin. He's a mate. You might
as well patrol with a poodle!

111
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:53,039
You know what you are, don't you?
You're a pet!

112
00:11:53,039 --> 00:11:58,240
Don't talk to her like that. Why?
Is it gonna hurt her feelings(?)
Just don't.

113
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,080
What's got into you, big fella?

114
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,639
Nothing. Well, you want to knock
all that answering back on the head.

115
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:13,039
You all right? I could give
all this up tomorrow. Oh, yeah?

116
00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:16,399
Got another job(?)
I could live on £387 a week

117
00:12:16,399 --> 00:12:20,759
for a whole year
without doing a tap. How come?

118
00:12:26,639 --> 00:12:29,120
You promise not to tell anyone?

119
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,000
Come on.
You've got me interested now.

120
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,519
I've won £20,000 on the pools.

121
00:12:42,399 --> 00:12:48,039
According to Martin,
Barry's had a bit of a windfall.
I'm not interested in Barry.

122
00:12:48,039 --> 00:12:54,120
I know. Think I'm a gold-digger?
I was just telling you about my day.
How was your day?

123
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,840
I got stung. Someone do a runner?
No! I got stung by a wasp.

124
00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:05,080
What kind of windfall?

125
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,600
A lot of money.

126
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:13,519
Inheritance? He won it. The Lottery?
Barry wouldn't get far on
Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

127
00:13:13,519 --> 00:13:17,600
It was a rollover this week.
He doesn't want anyone to know yet.

128
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,919
He's scared they might
start treating him different.

129
00:13:25,879 --> 00:13:28,039
TOOTS HORN

130
00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:36,240
Hiya, I've come to pick Trudy up.
She's gone home. Everyone's gone.

131
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:42,720
Has she had her car fixed?
It's been fixed for days.
She tells me nothing.

132
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:48,919
Sorry. I've come all this way,
and now I'm gonna have to go
straight back.

133
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,279
Eh...

134
00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:54,519
I can make you a quick brew,
if you like.

135
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,440
Yeah!

136
00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,039
Yeah? Right. Just a minute.

137
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:10,840
I've got a telly, a play station,
I've got to do a patrol every hour.

138
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:15,480
You get used to it. You can't
have much of a social life.

139
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,840
I'm free most weekends. Yeah?

140
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,679
Me, too.

141
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:29,960
What about this weekend?

142
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,919
What about it?

143
00:14:32,919 --> 00:14:35,799
Are you free then?

144
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,000
Hey! Hey!

145
00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:47,440
I've just ironed them!

146
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,840
This is no good!

147
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,159
Hey, listen! Give up fighting!

148
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,759
Hey, right! Calm down.

149
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,879
Dad, she'll love it.
I mean it! She'll love it.

150
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,879
That shirt doesn't look right.
She'll love this.

151
00:15:06,879 --> 00:15:08,080
Good.

152
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:13,279
This! This one. No, this one.
Take no notice. She's got no taste.

153
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,840
You must get lonely. I've got Keano.

154
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,039
The dog? Mm.

155
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:29,960
Her name's Janice
and she's an alcoholic.

156
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,600
I'd prefer to work with a dog

157
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:42,320
than a man, any day.
They're loyal - dogs.
More than can be said for men!

158
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,559
Not ALL men.

159
00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:49,600
Most. What, did your husband run off
with someone else, like?

160
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:53,159
It was money
that split me and Trevor up.

161
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,720
He ripped me off. Took every penny.

162
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:02,039
But I don't care.

163
00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:06,559
Everything I need is up here.
Money doesn't matter.

164
00:16:06,559 --> 00:16:11,279
I don't care too much for money
cos money can't buy me love.

165
00:16:11,279 --> 00:16:13,039
Boom-boom!

166
00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:24,279
Do you want me to walk you
to the door?

167
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:26,480
I can manage.

168
00:16:28,759 --> 00:16:34,480
We should do this again sometime.
Give me a ring. Really?
When Trudy's at work.

169
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:39,159
You're not ashamed of me, are you?
No. I just like my privacy.

170
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,679
See you.

171
00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:48,480
I think I've hit the jackpot there,
mate.

172
00:17:01,559 --> 00:17:06,920
My girls are coming for a week
when term finishes.
It'll be a squeeze in that house.

173
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:11,559
By the time their course is finished,
I hope to have a little house.

174
00:17:11,559 --> 00:17:15,279
Somewhere in Cheshire,
with a bit of luck.

175
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:21,519
If money was no object,
where would you like to live?

176
00:17:21,519 --> 00:17:26,559
Pardon? Where would you like to live
if you had the money?

177
00:17:34,519 --> 00:17:38,599
I sleep while the kids
are at school. That's my routine.

178
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:42,000
I don't like being yawned at!
I'm sorry.

179
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,799
Am I boring company?

180
00:17:44,799 --> 00:17:51,680
No. Our second date and you could
hardly keep your eyes open. I don't
think there's a future for us!

181
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,440
Don't you ever get tired
after a big meal?

182
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,680
I'll get a taxi home
in case you fall asleep at the wheel!

183
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:04,000
Don't dump me cos I work nights.
It's hard enough to meet women...

184
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:11,519
You work in a factory full of women.
They've gone home when I clock on.
Like ships that pass in the night.

185
00:18:11,519 --> 00:18:15,720
Hi, Barry. Oh, hiya.
Julie from work. Yeah.

186
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,279
You look smart. Been splashing out?

187
00:18:18,279 --> 00:18:20,799
Eh...no...eh...

188
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:26,079
I bought it for a funeral.
Going past our place?
I'm late already. Eh...

189
00:18:26,079 --> 00:18:27,720
Taxi!

190
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:36,200
Yes, yes, go on, get in. I'll be
back in a minute. Cheers, Barry.
You're one in a million!

191
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,599
Hi. We're going to Heathcote Cottage.

192
00:18:41,599 --> 00:18:46,519
You haven't given me a proper
chance. I'm not on nights forever.

193
00:18:48,559 --> 00:18:52,039
Will you take the lady home, please?
Keep the change.

194
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:04,759
Frank said I could store it in the
gatehouse until I go home tonight.

195
00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:09,039
I'm not on duty, you know.
I'm meant to be in bed!

196
00:19:09,039 --> 00:19:11,599
You don't mind though, do you?

197
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,519
How was the film?

198
00:19:23,519 --> 00:19:25,599
Nothing special.

199
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:31,039
There's an open bottle of wine
in there, if you fancy a glass.
Oh, thanks.

200
00:19:37,039 --> 00:19:41,279
Why do they always pick on me?
Just hit them back.

201
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:43,839
It only makes it worse.

202
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,559
Have you told your teacher?

203
00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:52,039
That makes it worse as well.

204
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,519
They'll get bored of it in the end.

205
00:20:36,599 --> 00:20:42,039
We're only going to the Crown.
You can tag along, if you want.
No, thanks.

206
00:20:42,039 --> 00:20:45,319
Shall me and you
go out this weekend, then?

207
00:20:45,319 --> 00:20:50,440
Maybe. I'll see how I feel. I was
thinking of visiting the girls. OK.

208
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,599
Whatever. See you later.
Bye.

209
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:05,079
'When 32 pages includes
an imprisonment...'

210
00:21:05,079 --> 00:21:08,319
TV PROGRAMME CONTINUES

211
00:21:21,519 --> 00:21:23,839
CAR HORN BLARES

212
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,200
What do you want?

213
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,839
I'm sorry about this afternoon.

214
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,359
Have you always worked nights?
I started off doing days.

215
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:10,440
But my old boss, Shufty,
thought it'd be more convenient
if I moved to nights.

216
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,640
Why?
He was shagging my wife at the time.

217
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,279
Seriously?

218
00:22:16,279 --> 00:22:21,519
They have to ring you
to check you're OK. Shufty
used to ring me from my own bedroom.

219
00:22:21,519 --> 00:22:23,839
That's terrible!

220
00:22:25,559 --> 00:22:28,039
I'm so unlucky with women.

221
00:22:28,039 --> 00:22:31,960
I didn't even get
to sleep with Mack's wife.

222
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,200
I've got to do a patrol now.

223
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,039
Oh.

224
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,160
Do you want to come?

225
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,519
I keep hearing noises.

226
00:23:04,519 --> 00:23:08,839
There's always noises.
Every building breathes.

227
00:23:08,839 --> 00:23:14,960
Don't you ever get scared?
I wouldn't like to do it without
Keano. But if robbers broke in,

228
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:19,720
I'd only have to say three
little words and problem solved.

229
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:24,000
And what words are they?
Help yourself, lads.

230
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:29,039
What happened to your wife?
Where is she now?

231
00:23:29,039 --> 00:23:31,319
Jail. What for?

232
00:23:31,319 --> 00:23:35,200
Her and Shufty tried to knock off
a warehouse in Salford.

233
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,440
An inside job. They did the job
and ended up inside. Boom-boom.

234
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,799
How did you end up married
to someone like that? Dunno.

235
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:52,400
Her first husband used to hit her.
I think she just fancied a change.
And I'm very good in bed.

236
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,599
When you connect this,

237
00:23:56,599 --> 00:24:01,720
the time
gets recorded back at the office.
Proves you've been on patrol.

238
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,599
Everyone reckons she's the brains.

239
00:24:22,599 --> 00:24:27,039
They reckon Mack would've gone
bankrupt years ago without Trudy.

240
00:24:27,039 --> 00:24:33,119
People have been telling me
stuff like that since my school days.
Every teacher I ever had.

241
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:37,759
"You'd never know you were
Trudy's sister." Don't you get on?

242
00:24:37,759 --> 00:24:44,640
She's my sister. I love her
to death. But sometimes I feel like
strangling her. You know how it is.

243
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,440
I'm an only child, me.

244
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,400
You're better looking than she is.

245
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,680
Come here.

246
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:00,920
Why?

247
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,920
Why do you think?

248
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,079
Oww! Oh, sorry. Take it easy!

249
00:25:34,079 --> 00:25:38,039
My teeth are caught in your earring.
Mick's here!

250
00:25:38,039 --> 00:25:41,039
Got to go.
Do you want to take my ear with you?

251
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:43,119
I'm sorry.

252
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,599
Sorry. I was on patrol. Come here.

253
00:25:57,599 --> 00:26:00,680
I've got something to show you.

254
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,039
SNARLING

255
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,119
Now, THAT...IS a dog!

256
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:15,880
If softshite here
ever went for an intruder,
it would come back with a stick.

257
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,359
KEANO WHIMPERS

258
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:24,720
Lock it up before it shits its load,
and then I'll show you
what this fella can do.

259
00:26:38,519 --> 00:26:42,039
Come on, good boy, down you come!
Come on, boy.

260
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,200
What are you looking so worried for?
He's muzzled, isn't he?

261
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,640
I'm happy with my dog, Mick.
You sound a bit funny.

262
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,039
Eh...I've been to the dentist.
My mouth's numb.

263
00:26:58,039 --> 00:27:02,640
What do you think? A manstopper!
He won't go for your arm.

264
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,079
That's no good.
The bastards are wise to that.

265
00:27:06,079 --> 00:27:10,240
They pack their sleeves
with magazines and shit.

266
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:14,480
He's trained to go for your legs.
Or your throat.

267
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,440
Who's a good boy?

268
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,440
DOG GROWLS

269
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,519
You'll rip a robber's throat out,
won't you?

270
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:23,839
Barry.

271
00:27:23,839 --> 00:27:25,480
Catch!

272
00:27:42,319 --> 00:27:45,160
I had two muzzles! You're sick!

273
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,599
I had it tucked under me arm!

274
00:27:50,599 --> 00:27:53,319
You should have seen your face.

275
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,920
He'll not be back. Are you sure?

276
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:06,039
He'll just ring. You don't think
he'll try to surprise you? No.

277
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,200
Thanks.

278
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,599
Your gum's bleeding. It's all right.

279
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:29,279
Just my luck.
What? I've copped off with a vampire.

280
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,519
I'm no vampire.

281
00:28:40,519 --> 00:28:43,200
You can't be. Why?

282
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,440
Garlic breath.

283
00:28:47,599 --> 00:28:50,680
You haven't got a clue, have you?
What's up?

284
00:28:52,039 --> 00:28:57,519
I like garlic.
If you think I'm snogging you now,
you've got another think coming.

285
00:28:57,519 --> 00:29:00,720
I'm sorry. I love it.
I eat it all the time.

286
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:05,039
I'm sorry. I make stupid jokes.
Especially when I'm nervous.

287
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,640
I know it wasn't funny, but...

288
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:12,480
I didn't mean any harm.
The garlic wasn't putting me off.

289
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,960
And I would love...

290
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,519
I would really love...

291
00:29:17,519 --> 00:29:20,359
to kiss you. Right here, right now.

292
00:29:21,799 --> 00:29:24,960
Well, go on, then.

293
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,519
Don't you get bored doing that?
No. I like it.

294
00:30:16,519 --> 00:30:18,039
Really?

295
00:30:18,039 --> 00:30:19,519
Yeah.

296
00:30:19,519 --> 00:30:21,039
Why?

297
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,519
A good orgasm...

298
00:30:24,519 --> 00:30:27,599
is like a good laugh. In what way?

299
00:30:27,599 --> 00:30:32,680
Having one's great, but making
someone else have one's even better.

300
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,599
And you don't mind if you...

301
00:30:37,599 --> 00:30:40,039
if YOU don't?

302
00:30:40,039 --> 00:30:42,599
I was hoping we hadn't finished.

303
00:31:04,599 --> 00:31:07,440
CHANGES CHANNELS

304
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,039
# Security
That's all I want from you

305
00:31:14,039 --> 00:31:16,519
# All night

306
00:31:16,519 --> 00:31:18,440
# Security, yeah

307
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,839
# And a little love
that will be true... #

308
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,279
Cheers.

309
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,519
All right. See you later. Cheers.

310
00:32:17,799 --> 00:32:21,039
# Those tender lips, you know
They tell me that...

311
00:32:21,039 --> 00:32:23,599
# You're the one for me

312
00:32:23,599 --> 00:32:26,319
# How can I forget?

313
00:32:26,319 --> 00:32:30,039
# How can I forget, yeah?

314
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:35,039
# We're just milkin' it so bad,
now, baby

315
00:32:35,039 --> 00:32:38,119
# Everything
is gonna be all right... #

316
00:32:38,119 --> 00:32:41,039
MUSIC DROWNS THEM OUT

317
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,359
Ah! Got you! All right. We're quits.

318
00:32:49,359 --> 00:32:53,720
But it is... It's nearly
three o'clock in the morning.

319
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,000
Oh...!

320
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,039
KEYS RATTLE

321
00:33:17,599 --> 00:33:20,680
WORKMAN SHOUTS:

322
00:33:17,599 --> 00:33:20,680
Looking good, Trude!

323
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:51,799
It's nothing to do with his money.
I never said it was.
It's what you were thinking.

324
00:33:51,799 --> 00:33:58,880
I said you'd make a good couple
before he won any money. I'm not
so sure. We've not much in common.

325
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:04,319
So it's just sex then, is it?
Who said anything about sex?

326
00:34:04,319 --> 00:34:08,039
You were out all night.
We were talking all night!

327
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,239
Do you really think we're compatible?

328
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:16,679
He's a nice bloke.
He IS a nice bloke.

329
00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:21,320
He's tall, good-looking...
he'd do anything to please you.

330
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:28,079
So you won't be dumping him
straight away, then? He's just not
the sort of bloke I saw myself with.

331
00:34:28,079 --> 00:34:30,960
And Trevor was(?)

332
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:36,320
I'm meeting his family tomorrow.
I'm baby-sitting for him.

333
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,639
My God! It must be serious!

334
00:34:42,079 --> 00:34:44,320
Where's my glasses? >

335
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,280
Barry! Get me my glasses!

336
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:55,920
Have you got kids, Janice?

337
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:55,920
Two. Both at college.

338
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:55,920
You don't look old enough.

339
00:34:55,920 --> 00:35:00,119
She's lost her glasses. Can't wait
for these two to go away to college.

340
00:35:00,119 --> 00:35:04,480
You'll be dead by then. Hey!
I'll haunt you if I am!

341
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:08,159
She's too thick to go to university.
Owwww!

342
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:14,440
Come on! Barry,
I'm still waiting for my glasses.

343
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,199
GIRLS SQUABBLE

344
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,199
Get off! Get off me!

345
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:20,760
I want you to be good for Janice.

346
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:24,320
Will you take us into work again
next Thursday?

347
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,840
If you're good, I'll think about it.

348
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:32,400
If we're bad, Janice won't do it
again, and you'll have to. No.
I'll get someone else.

349
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,519
Oww! Get off. Get off me!

350
00:35:42,559 --> 00:35:44,800
Stop it! Now!

351
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,960
I hate you.

352
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:54,159
No, you don't. I do. You don't. She
does. But not as much as I hate HER.

353
00:35:54,159 --> 00:35:59,519
You only think you hate her.
What do YOU know?
I've got a sister. Big deal(!)

354
00:35:59,519 --> 00:36:05,920
You think you hate her now. But if
things get bad for you, she might be
the only person you can turn to.

355
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:11,760
If things ever get bad for her,
I'll just laugh!
I used to pick on my sister,

356
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:16,039
just like you're doing. Do you
know why? No, and I don't care.

357
00:36:16,039 --> 00:36:23,360
Cos I got picked on in school. So I
used to take it out on Trudy. That's
what SHE does. Has my dad told you?

358
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:28,760
No. He's got no right. Nobody's told
me anything. I don't believe you.

359
00:36:34,639 --> 00:36:37,559
So you ARE getting bullied?

360
00:36:37,559 --> 00:36:43,239
No. There's only one way to deal
with bullies. Hit them back(?)
Tell the teacher(?)

361
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:49,400
Succeed. Do better than them.
Have a better life, more money.
That is a load of crap.

362
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:54,840
Joanne Bibby
used to make my life hell at school.
A couple of years ago, I saw her.

363
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,519
She was working
on a supermarket till.

364
00:36:57,519 --> 00:37:02,679
After that,
whenever I wanted cheering up,
I'd go there and buy myself

365
00:37:02,679 --> 00:37:05,199
loads of expensive little luxuries.

366
00:37:05,199 --> 00:37:07,840
Smellies.
Creams, nice moisturisers...

367
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,679
make-up, shower gels,
aromatherapy oils...

368
00:37:11,679 --> 00:37:15,599
and the biggest box of condoms
that they had.

369
00:37:15,599 --> 00:37:22,840
And then I'd take the whole lot
to Joanne Bibby's counter,
and pay for it with my gold card.

370
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:27,320
I'd introduce myself. In return,
do you know what she'd do to me?

371
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,639
What? Be polite.

372
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,719
Are they asleep?

373
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:45,239
Yes. If Greta asks you tomorrow,
you never mentioned to me
that she was getting bullied.

374
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:51,239
Did she tell you? Sort of.
She must have taken a shine to you.
What do you think of them?

375
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:55,400
Honest opinion? Yeah.
I think they need a good hiding.

376
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,840
What? Hit 'em?!

377
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:01,000
They need a bit of discipline.
They need a mother.

378
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:06,599
And they need to get out
of this place.
Janice! She's pinched my duvet!

379
00:38:06,599 --> 00:38:09,800
I couldn't hit them. I could!

380
00:38:11,559 --> 00:38:15,639
I've never known these two
shop for these sort of things.

381
00:38:15,639 --> 00:38:18,960
Must be your feminine influence.

382
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,880
How long have you worked here?

383
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,440
12 years. Are you married? No.

384
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:38,559
Can't you get a husband?
Grace! ..I'm sorry!
..The lady might not want a husband.

385
00:38:38,559 --> 00:38:42,800
Are you a lesbian?
Will you two behave yourselves?!

386
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,119
Are these two with you?

387
00:38:46,119 --> 00:38:49,440
Gorgeous, aren't they?
But cheeky with it.

388
00:38:52,079 --> 00:38:54,280
£36.43, please.

389
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,199
Thanks.

390
00:39:06,199 --> 00:39:07,800
Come on.

391
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,599
Are you two still awake?

392
00:39:36,599 --> 00:39:41,119
Janice wants to say good night
to you before she goes.

393
00:39:47,559 --> 00:39:50,079
Thanks for a lovely day.

394
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:55,400
You will both look
even more beautiful in the morning!

395
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,440
Night!

396
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,239
Good night. Bye! Bye!

397
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:06,039
Bye, Janice! Bye, Janice!

398
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,480
You shouldn't have let them go to bed
in that stuff.

399
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:18,960
It won't do any harm.
What are you going to do about
Greta? I'm dealing with it. How?

400
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:23,280
We're moving house.
Can you afford to?

401
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:30,639
See, the thing is, I've come into
a bit of luck recently. Have you?
Yeah. These last few weeks...

402
00:40:30,639 --> 00:40:34,760
have been the best ones of my life.
I've met you...

403
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:39,519
and...believe it or not...
I've won some money.

404
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:45,639
20 grand! What?
Barry! 20 grand, he won!

405
00:40:45,639 --> 00:40:47,239
So?

406
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,079
YOU KNEW!

407
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:54,079
How much have YOU got, Janice?

408
00:40:54,079 --> 00:40:58,639
I've spent more than that on a car!
You couldn't now, though.

409
00:40:58,639 --> 00:41:00,840
You bastard.

410
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:10,519
I'm sorry. I just thought you'd
like him once you got to know him.

411
00:41:10,519 --> 00:41:16,000
Not good enough for you, though!
He's... Your cast-off!
Think I should settle for that?

412
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:20,199
No. I'm sick of you
always looking down at me. I don't!

413
00:41:20,199 --> 00:41:23,960
Trying to organise my life for me.

414
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,519
You have to organise everything -

415
00:41:26,519 --> 00:41:30,719
the factory, Dad, my life!
How am I organising your life?

416
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:34,119
Trying to marry me off
to the first available geek.

417
00:41:34,119 --> 00:41:39,280
Telling you about the money
was just to get you together,
that's all.

418
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:45,519
You think I'm so shallow,
so greedy... When have I said that?
When I went off with Dad's money,

419
00:41:45,519 --> 00:41:51,119
that was Trevor's doing, not mine.
I know that.
I came back to give you your half!

420
00:41:51,119 --> 00:41:58,320
If I was so obsessed with money...
I know this! So why do you make me
feel guilty? I've never mentioned it!

421
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,760
Why didn't you tell me how much
Barry had won? Why does it matter?

422
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,519
Leave me alone!

423
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,519
Look, forget about the money.

424
00:42:17,519 --> 00:42:22,639
If things haven't worked out with
Barry, then they haven't worked out.
I was wrong.

425
00:42:22,639 --> 00:42:27,639
Do you know how hard it is
to be your sister?

426
00:42:27,639 --> 00:42:33,679
You've always been so...sorted.
Whereas you were just
the pretty one.

427
00:42:33,679 --> 00:42:41,079
It was easy being YOUR sister. You
had blokes calling for you and I had
homework. You played and I worked.

428
00:42:41,079 --> 00:42:45,559
And for what? I'm a secretary.
You run that factory!

429
00:42:45,559 --> 00:42:48,039
I'm a secretary.

430
00:42:48,039 --> 00:42:54,599
My best features are false. What you
were born with, I had to pay for.
You think I'm so sorted?

431
00:42:54,599 --> 00:42:56,679
Well, no. Sorry.

432
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:05,519
You've just got a downer on yourself
at the moment, that's all.

433
00:43:05,519 --> 00:43:09,840
It's time you realised you're
not as bad as you think you are.

434
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,519
I'm used to money.

435
00:43:13,519 --> 00:43:19,280
I hate having to get up early
and sit out there
in all kinds of weather

436
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,760
and sell those fucking flowers.

437
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,440
I want something better.

438
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,519
And I am not ashamed of that.

439
00:44:06,559 --> 00:44:09,360
Just those?

440
00:44:06,559 --> 00:44:09,360
Thanks.

441
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,519
£9.99, please.

442
00:44:11,519 --> 00:44:14,719
PHONE RINGS

443
00:44:11,519 --> 00:44:14,719
Oh, sorry.

444
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,280
Hello? Only me!

445
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:22,679
Do you fancy coming round
to the factory again tonight?

446
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,199
No, Barry.

447
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,159
All right. Don't worry.

448
00:44:35,159 --> 00:44:38,639
I'm really sorry.
I don't think it's going to work out.

449
00:44:38,639 --> 00:44:40,199
Right.

450
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,599
Plenty more fish in the sea, eh?

451
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:47,039
I'm sorry. I'll see you around.

452
00:44:48,199 --> 00:44:51,280
Right. See ya.

453
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:53,679
Bye.

454
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,880
I'm waiting for my change.

455
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,039
I'm sorry.

456
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:09,760
Penny.

457
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,679
Coming, ready or not.

458
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,280
These are for you.

459
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:06,039
Thanks.

460
00:47:06,039 --> 00:47:11,320
Told you we should've
got chocolates. You never!
Are they off your dad? No. Us.

461
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:16,719
It's cos of us that you finished
with Dad, isn't it? No.
We're usually the reason.

462
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:23,480
Why did you do it? It's nothing
to do with you two. I promise.
Now just leave me alone.

463
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,559
Just tell us why.

464
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,159
Money?! What are you doing?
Of all the stupid...!

465
00:47:31,159 --> 00:47:35,679
Are you allergic to it or something?
I'm doing the tea.

466
00:47:35,679 --> 00:47:40,320
You find out I've won 20 grand,
and next thing I know, I'm dumped.

467
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:44,280
You've got the wrong end
of the stick.

468
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:48,519
Think this changes me? If this is
the problem, get rid of it.

469
00:47:48,519 --> 00:47:50,039
Go on.

470
00:47:51,119 --> 00:47:55,039
Right! I'll burn the bloody stuff.
What are you doing?

471
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,159
Proving a point.

472
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:05,880
Stop it! Are you stupid?!
I don't want it. You need it.

473
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:10,679
You're going to buy a house.
You've got kids to think of.

474
00:48:10,679 --> 00:48:15,000
You've no right to do that.
This can make a difference to you.

475
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:18,960
It can get you out of that shithole
you're living in!

476
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:23,480
It can get you a good holiday.
It can't buy me love.

477
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,880
It wasn't enough to.

478
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:29,360
FIRE ALARM RINGS

479
00:48:33,159 --> 00:48:35,800
How much is enough?

480
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,840
I don't know.

481
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,199
A million? Two million?

482
00:48:43,199 --> 00:48:47,480
Ten? There's not enough money
in the world for that.

483
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:55,039
Here. Buy a house. Get a life.
I want to buy a house.

484
00:48:55,039 --> 00:48:58,159
Good. You still can, thanks to me.

485
00:48:58,159 --> 00:49:05,599
And I want to come off nights
and I want to see you again. Just
because you say it won't work out...

486
00:49:05,599 --> 00:49:11,280
I am sick of doing
what other people tell me to do.
I say it WILL work out!

487
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:16,320
Money has changed you.
YOU'VE changed me.

488
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:21,199
Would you really burn £20,000
to get me back? I love you!

489
00:49:21,199 --> 00:49:26,559
You don't even know me.
I think I can make you happy.

490
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:32,760
So what do you think?

491
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,880
Is everything all right?
The tea's ruined, that's all.

492
00:49:52,559 --> 00:49:56,920
If you change your mind,
you know where I'll be.

493
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:08,239
I won't ask. I'm not interfering.
Good.

494
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,679
CAR HORN BLARES

495
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:04,440
Come on, hurry up, softshite!

496
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:07,599
And you owe me a tenner.

497
00:51:07,599 --> 00:51:08,920
Why?

498
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:14,960
I've got your pizza. What pizza?
A 12-inch Hawaiian with extra olives
and two garlic bread.

499
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:19,119
You must be starving. Are you? No.

500
00:51:19,119 --> 00:51:26,159
They're cold. Micro them and I'll
share them. The lad said he'd been
shouting you for 20 minutes.

501
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,400
Dopey sod!

502
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,239
Mick, I need you to cover me
for half an hour.

503
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:56,000
You what? I need half an hour.

504
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,519
You've got no chance.

505
00:51:58,519 --> 00:52:01,519
I resign, then.

506
00:52:03,559 --> 00:52:06,199
You can't do that! I can.

507
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:12,239
OK. Half an hour. But that's all.

508
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:13,599
Thanks.

509
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:20,400
Hello.

510
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,039
Hello.

511
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:40,639
All right, fellas?
Ronnie, you're ready to go, mate.
Let's get the show on the road!

512
00:52:40,639 --> 00:52:44,880
# Trailer for sale or rent
Rooms to let, 50 cents

513
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:52,519
# No food, no phone, no pets
King of the road! #

514
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:59,159
This has got "inside job"
written all over it.

515
00:52:59,159 --> 00:53:02,360
It's got to be a professional job.

516
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:08,000
People say he's in on it.
People talk crap.
Ronnie's straight as they come.

517
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,519
What's happened to your face?
Bit of bother.

518
00:53:14,519 --> 00:53:15,800
Bastard!

519
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:20,039
He's got a disabled wife,
he wouldn't get involved.

520
00:53:20,039 --> 00:53:24,119
That's exactly the sort of person
who WOULD get involved.

521
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:04,039
Subtitles by Janice Hamilton
BBC Scotland, 2001

522
00:54:04,039 --> 00:54:07,119
E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk