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CAR RADIO PLAYS: "Sex Bomb"
by Tom Jones and Mousse T

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00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:37,240
HUM OF CONVERSATION

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She's on the game!

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Speaker in every door!

5
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:55,479

6
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I saved up.

7
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If I save up,
all I can afford's a nightie! >

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SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY CAR RADIO

9
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,640
Broke his nose and wrist. God!

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I ended up going to Halifax,
reloading stock with the police,
driving it back here myself,

11
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then I was in here half the night.

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Oh, you should have phoned.

13
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I'm doing the drinks - want one?
No, but bring yours.

14
00:01:33,479 --> 00:01:36,000
What's going on?

15
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Three wagons down. One in an
accident, one in for servicing and
one with a cracked axle which is...

16
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..Your fault. YOU manage transport.

17
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If we can't deliver...
We CAN deliver!

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00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:54,920
It's OK. How did it get like this?!
A cracked axle isn't my fault!

19
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:59,599
That wagon missed two service
checks. It was still checked!

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00:01:59,599 --> 00:02:06,120
You missed a weak axle? What does
one look like? ..You counterclaimed
on the insurance for that.

21
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:10,840
Which was knocked back because
the service record isn't up-to-date.

22
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,599
They don't want to cover us now!

23
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:17,840
They're bound to hike up
the premium. You'd think that.

24
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:22,960
They don't want the business!
Three more weeks, we're not insured.

25
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:28,360
Sort it out, and don't sit round
there finishing your coffee! Where?

26
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The office.
Have you got a problem with me
drinking coffee in Trudy's office?

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SPEECH INAUDIBLE

28
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Isn't that scraping the barrel?

29
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Apparently, yeah, but I'm hoping
he'll see past my faults!

30
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Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you,

31
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but this is really good for me.

32
00:03:37,039 --> 00:03:39,719
Hiya. Is she not home yet?

33
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:45,960
Any time now. She's gone for a swim,
which is Trudy-speak
for a nervous breakdown.

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If he talks to me like that again,
I'll smack him one!

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He's always been a bit protective.

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Can I borrow that Jigsaw top?
You'll have to pay for it.

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I'm only going for a quick drink.
You'll go halves!

38
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She looked better without it!

39
00:04:05,719 --> 00:04:09,000
Hey,
I knew a bloke who always did that -

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"Don't you reckon my wife's arse
looks great in that?"

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You never know what to say!

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We're off down the Rose And Crown.

43
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What's he like?

44
00:04:51,319 --> 00:04:55,439
What about the bedroom?
It's too far to walk.

45
00:05:00,879 --> 00:05:05,319
Why not split Transport off
as a separate company?

46
00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:08,319
Insurance would smell it a mile off.

47
00:05:08,319 --> 00:05:12,120
What if it was a separate company
run by you?

48
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:18,120
What? And instead of just transport
manager, you owned the rigs.

49
00:05:21,639 --> 00:05:24,360
Do you know how much a rig costs?

50
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,800
I do now.

51
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What are you on about?

52
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Not on your own - you and me.

53
00:05:43,199 --> 00:05:47,600
I don't have that kind of money
and I never will have.

54
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:53,120
New companies don't use THEIR money.
They borrow it. Against what?

55
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Property.

56
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:05,199
If you moved in here, you could use
the money from your flat.

57
00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:11,439
They were two separate thoughts
originally.

58
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I think we're getting on
really well.

59
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I don't know how long you're meant
to leave it before you make a move.

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I'm making a move.

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Mack! Oh.

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What's up? ..Oh.

63
00:07:35,399 --> 00:07:38,800
Can we set another place here?
I said 'we'.

64
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I thought you meant 'we'. Hiya.

65
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Thank you.

66
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,519
Where will your money come from?

67
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The bank have given us the nod. We'll
get tax breaks as a new company.

68
00:07:53,159 --> 00:07:58,360
What's in it for me? On-site haulage
and you don't pay the overheads.

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I'm being completely looked after!

70
00:08:02,319 --> 00:08:09,040
My transport manager
does such a crap job the insurance
company shuts the policy down,

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then bounces to the rescue by taking
the fleet! It's my lucky day(!)

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You're going into business together?
You and him? Why not?

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Neither of us wants to leave the job
we do now. That's good of you(!)

74
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The bank won't fund you outright.
We'd use capital.
Yours or his? Same each.

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Where's Romeo getting his from?

76
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:47,279
You should've kept this place. I
need money to invest. Trudy's rich.

77
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How do you work that out? Come on -
dead dad! You know shit, Kev.

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00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:57,960
In six months, you'll be on
Pot Noodles, begging me for the sofa!

79
00:09:01,799 --> 00:09:04,679
Shit! What's in it?

80
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Sue! Eddie!
Come here, mate! How's it going?

81
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Big. Hot. Busy. Is Martin in?

82
00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:14,879
I thought you were in Sheffield.
Where's Stuart?

83
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Few complications but... Is he in?
Kev? Where the hell are you? Here!

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Bloody hell! I know!

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No Stuart?

86
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Hiya! Look who we found!

87
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Hello!

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I'm here to help -
most I'm up to is a kettle.

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Kettle's on anyway. Come in.

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Hiya, Eddie. ..God, size of you!
Size of both of you! You on your own?

91
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:54,360
Stuart was due parole last Friday.
He got into a fight with
another prisoner. Parole cancelled.

92
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,720
We've to wait for the next board -
six weeks. God, I'm sorry!

93
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Oh, it's nobody's fault...
Well, it is, of course it is!

94
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,919
But it's like talking to the wall.

95
00:10:05,919 --> 00:10:10,320
Are you back in your own house?
Yeah, got back on Thursday.

96
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:15,840
Eddie was missing the family, and
I could do with them around if...

97
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The baby's not turned yet -
panicking a bit.

98
00:10:20,759 --> 00:10:26,399
But you and Martin! People have only
just twigged, which is a miracle.

99
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:31,559
Weird for you -
me sweeping up your castoffs!

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He deserves somebody more like you
than me.
I could take that the wrong way!

101
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He talks in his sleep! >

102
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Which would be interesting if he knew
any dirty words, but he's blank.
He's boring as shit!

103
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How does that look?

104
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Different in your house.

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I haven't rushed you into this?

106
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,039
Or the business?

107
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I'm unrushable! Give me a week,
and I'll have myself believing
it was MY idea.

108
00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:12,039
That was a bit weird - Sue.

109
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But not a problem for anybody?

110
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No.

111
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:22,440
Furniture's in, then? We just about
managed without your help, thanks(!)

112
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Are you OK about it?
Why shouldn't he be?

113
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He should be scared to death!

114
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Cos I'm here till I know what I'm
doing, and we're not the Brontes!

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This needs a bottle of wine. Are you
coming down or shall I bring it up?

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CHEERING

117
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Back in your cages!
You up in court?

118
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Secret bash for posh gay blokes?
Where's he going?

119
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If you knew half what I know,
you'd be dangerous. Gormless git!

120
00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:17,559
Kept that quiet, didn't they?
Not so as you'd notice.

121
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:20,799
When did YOU know about them?

122
00:12:20,799 --> 00:12:23,519
A couple of months back.

123
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Selling the property
or borrowing against it? Selling.

124
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Sign at the bottom there.

125
00:12:45,279 --> 00:12:50,120
You're going to try running
this business from the streets? >

126
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,679
No...

127
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,679
We've moved in together.

128
00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:55,360
I see. Partners in every sense.

129
00:12:55,360 --> 00:13:01,559
Martin, I give you this ring as a
token of our love and our marriage.

130
00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:05,039
all that we now share.

131
00:13:05,039 --> 00:13:08,399
A symbol of...
all that we now share.

132
00:13:08,399 --> 00:13:13,200
It is my privilege to say
that you are now husband and wife.

133
00:13:20,039 --> 00:13:24,720
Yes. ..No, I make that £748
for the gingham.

134
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,080
And the daisy print
came out on Tuesday.

135
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:44,960
Do you wish we'd told people?

136
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,120
No.

137
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:55,399
I bet you never thought
you'd have a honeymoon like this!
I never thought I'd have one at all.

138
00:13:55,399 --> 00:14:00,120
Why's that? I hate weddings.
I can't stand being looked at.

139
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,720
Yeah, I'm like that.

140
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000
Did it feel businessy?

141
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,519
That was the point.

142
00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:17,879
You want to tell people now,
don't you? No, No.
I'm rock solid with secrets, me.

143
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:31,639
This is for the transfer
of vehicles. This is the contract
to supply Mackintosh Ltd -

144
00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:37,840
12 months renewable, with
the option in Mackintosh's favour.
Oh, yeah?

145
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,120
OK?

146
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:47,120
You have discussed that?
It doesn't need discussing.

147
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:52,000
If they screw up, I need an option
to contract elsewhere.

148
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:59,080
Nobody's reaching for the moon.
Trudy's in the same chair and
Martin's in a portakabin outside!

149
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,360
Anyway, right.

150
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:08,080
Cheque in full payment
for rolling stock.

151
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:13,720
Big one. This is one cheque
I don't hand to you for banking.

152
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:19,759
We'll soon find out what's going on.
Relax, there's no bad news.

153
00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:22,039
Sorry to keep you waiting.

154
00:15:22,039 --> 00:15:27,559
We couldn't say until the paperwork
was done, but as of today,
if you want it,

155
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,840
you work for me...

156
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,159
and Trudy. Graham-Leach.

157
00:15:32,159 --> 00:15:36,799
Graham-Leach. It's a new company
handling just the freight.

158
00:15:36,799 --> 00:15:44,320
No change in practice, same pay,
same everything...apart
from the name on the wages cheques.

159
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,600
You thought you were getting dumped?

160
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:52,559
He was gonna burn your house down.
I was gonna cut your brake pipes.

161
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:04,159
Come back for champagne! Yeah...
You should do that together.

162
00:16:04,159 --> 00:16:07,200
You sure? Yeah, I've loads to do.

163
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:11,200
Congratulations. Have a nice night.
You, too, Mack.

164
00:16:12,919 --> 00:16:15,240
See you! Thanks, Peter!

165
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:20,399
Can you give me a lift back? No,
you're taking me out to get pissed.

166
00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:25,159
As dates go, you're pretty
consistent with my last three.

167
00:16:42,559 --> 00:16:46,039
Have you and Mack
ever slept together?

168
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,080
Do you need an answer to that?

169
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:11,119
Graham-Leach?
Er, Trudy Graham, Martin Leach. Ah!

170
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,319
Point to your name. ..Like that.

171
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:16,519
Get closer...!

172
00:17:16,519 --> 00:17:19,640
Get out of the way, you tit!

173
00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:25,640
I'm doing my jacket.

174
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,079
Relax!

175
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,640
Say "cock"!
ALL: Cock!

176
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,160
I'm jealous.

177
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,160
What are your shares worth?

178
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,519
Offer him a bed, you get 50%!

179
00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:55,680
215A, 215B...

180
00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:55,680
PHONE RINGS

181
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,880
Just a sec, Margaret.

182
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,240
Graham-Leach Partnership.

183
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,039
I'll just transfer you.

184
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:10,680
BELL RINGS

185
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:21,279
Graham-Leach. First phone call.
Who is it? I forgot to ask.

186
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:29,200
Martin Leach.
Are you a new company? Yeah.
Ten years of experience, though.

187
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,400
Sorry, Margaret.

188
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:36,079
Mainly UK, some Northern Europe.
South Coast? When for?

189
00:18:36,079 --> 00:18:41,680
Regular Fridays. Yeah, we've got a
Friday slot. Dorset. Dorset's fine.

190
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:47,839
Fax me an outline of volume. What's
your fax number? I'll just get it.

191
00:18:47,839 --> 00:18:53,440
Sorry, Margaret. ..Looking for the
fax number? Where is it? Behind you.

192
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,880
0161-496-4000.

193
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:03,880
I'll be five minutes. When I get
that I'll get back to you. Cheers.

194
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:05,920
How much can you draw for that?

195
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:13,240
It's not a massive contract, but
they've a distribution deal with ICI
and need reliable sub-contractors.

196
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,319
So no promises, but you never know.

197
00:19:16,319 --> 00:19:21,000
Well done! He looks about 12
when he smiles like that!

198
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,359
No, it's, "Well done, Trudy".

199
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:28,480
YOU pinned the price down. Janice
has never paid tax in her life.

200
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:33,519
To her, "doing the books" is filing
receipts for stuff bought in Kendals!

201
00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:46,599
Only thin people in this section,
madam. Hiya! Hiya!

202
00:19:46,599 --> 00:19:52,200
I lost undies in the move,
so I've spent the last few days
wearing none!

203
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:58,599
How's Eddie? Better
now he's back in his own school.
So you think Sheffield was wasted?

204
00:19:58,599 --> 00:20:05,240
Whenever we went to the prison,
Stuart was all over us, determined
to get out and put things right.

205
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:10,319
But that's all it amounted to -
talking about it.

206
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:10,319
MOBILE RINGS

207
00:20:10,319 --> 00:20:12,279
Mum.

208
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:14,480
Why, where are you?

209
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:18,160
Two minutes.
..No, two minutes, honestly.

210
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,440
She's on double yellows.

211
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:27,039
I'll see if Eddie fancies
coming to the match on Saturday.
That'd be brilliant. ..See you.

212
00:20:27,039 --> 00:20:28,559
See you.

213
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:48,519
Marks and Spencers. Done. Three
wagons - one today, two tomorrow.

214
00:20:48,519 --> 00:20:51,160
Calibrand? Went out this morning.

215
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,640
Hewitts of Glasgow. Er, next Monday.

216
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,559
They asked to move it to Friday.

217
00:20:58,559 --> 00:21:01,839
That's three wagons.
Is it a problem?

218
00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:05,440
No. Good.

219
00:21:07,039 --> 00:21:10,880
Has he seen our orders?
They're on my computer.

220
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:15,319
Did you take the call from Hewitts?
No! I'd have warned you.

221
00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:21,319
I think he's shafted us. Come on,
he wouldn't. He's not that bad.

222
00:21:22,039 --> 00:21:28,599
He bloody would. He has. How come
you normally deal with Hewitts
and now he's taking the calls?

223
00:21:28,599 --> 00:21:30,960
Ask them who suggested Friday.

224
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:35,559
What do we do
about that new contract? Dunno.

225
00:21:35,559 --> 00:21:37,839
I've promised now.

226
00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:44,200
Graham-Leach Partnership.

227
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,039
Hang on, I'll check.

228
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:56,160
No, we're based at Trencherfield.
Different company, same premises.
We're just renting space.

229
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,839
13th looks fine.
I'll transfer you to Mr Leach.

230
00:22:00,839 --> 00:22:06,599
I was gonna make us a coffee,
but there isn't a socket free.

231
00:22:06,599 --> 00:22:11,920
Have we got an adapter?

232
00:22:06,599 --> 00:22:11,920
ANSWERPHONE MESSAGE PLAYS

233
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,920
Hiya.

234
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:23,839
Er, what was it you wanted again?
Four more sockets on that wall.
But can you give us 10 minutes?

235
00:22:23,839 --> 00:22:26,839
Er...yeah, sure.

236
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:34,960
This isn't going to work
if you behave like a child. What me?

237
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:40,680
You told Hewitts it'd have
to be Friday as next week was busy.

238
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,880
Martin's got enough on his plate
without your games.

239
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,240
It's not a game.

240
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,599
It will crop up sooner or later -
two jobs, one slot.

241
00:22:52,599 --> 00:22:58,119
So you thought you'd put him
in training for his benefit?

242
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,480
He works for you for free,
you miserable sod!

243
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:05,000
You don't make a brilliant pair,
you know.

244
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,880
That's none of your business.

245
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:15,200
30-year-old bachelor
who has never committed a single
self-driven decision in his life.

246
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,480
So what's in it for you?

247
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:22,119
This came about
because it was good for all of us.

248
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:27,319
You'd have no deliveries if Martin
hadn't solved your insurance problem.

249
00:23:28,319 --> 00:23:30,759
Yeah, only cos he was told to...

250
00:23:31,759 --> 00:23:33,799
..by you.

251
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,119
Do you know what?

252
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:41,079
Bugger off!

253
00:23:44,599 --> 00:23:49,440
PHONE RINGS
Get a temp in to answer that. Trudy!

254
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:53,480
ANSWERING MACHINE PLAYS

255
00:24:03,799 --> 00:24:07,839
PHONE RINGS

256
00:24:09,799 --> 00:24:12,160
Graham-Leach Partnership.

257
00:24:15,039 --> 00:24:19,519
How did you hear about us?
(Are you OK? I'm fine!)

258
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,599
Give me your name and address.
I'll send you a brochure.

259
00:24:28,599 --> 00:24:30,640
Yeah.

260
00:24:37,759 --> 00:24:41,839
Lengthways,
or people won't be able to get out.

261
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,799
Hiya. You look nice. Thank you.

262
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,880
What's SHE drinking?

263
00:24:52,839 --> 00:24:58,759
Am I carving? Not yet.
It's got to stand for ten minutes.
Get the meat plate.

264
00:24:58,759 --> 00:25:03,839
I'll put the potatoes on it. Have you
done the gravy? You didn't say gravy.

265
00:25:03,839 --> 00:25:08,440
I said, "Save the stock for
the gravy." You didn't say it to ME.

266
00:25:12,039 --> 00:25:14,240
Sorry. We overslept.

267
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,759
All right, I did!

268
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,680
Janice.
Does this make my tits look wonky?

269
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:30,359
Where's the stock for the gravy?
In the Pyrex jug. The Pyrex jug's
in the sink with the washing-up!

270
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,720
Sod off!

271
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,720
Are we late? You're joking!

272
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,759
HER fault.

273
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,759
HIS fault!

274
00:25:35,759 --> 00:25:40,839
I filled it up last time!

275
00:25:35,759 --> 00:25:40,839
No, he didn't! Brilliant, thanks!

276
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,519
Sue? I'd love a glass of water.

277
00:25:47,519 --> 00:25:50,440
Babs?

278
00:25:47,519 --> 00:25:50,440
A glass of wine, please.

279
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,079
Oh, the oven.

280
00:25:54,079 --> 00:25:56,359
Kev. Barry.

281
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:25,440
You look great. Thanks. I don't know
how. I got ready in ten minutes!

282
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,240
You all right for a drink, Sue? No.

283
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,880
Trude, Sue hasn't got a drink!

284
00:26:34,559 --> 00:26:38,599
HUM OF CONVERSATION

285
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:57,240
There's nothing clever about VAT.
Cheers! Unpaid tax collectors.
That's what I said.

286
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:03,200
I was charging VAT for two years
before I realised
you had to earn enough.

287
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,920
They made me pay it all back!

288
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,480
Kev, can you pass this along?

289
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:13,440
Can you do the kids' hair?

290
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:13,440
Course! Bring them in!

291
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,440

292
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,519
Er, can I just say something?

293
00:27:20,519 --> 00:27:25,799
We're here to wish Martin and
Trudy success with the new business.

294
00:27:27,599 --> 00:27:32,680
They've both been fantastic
to all of us in different ways.

295
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,359
We should be cooking for them!

296
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:38,160
Um...Trudy and Martin.

297
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,480
ALL: Trudy and Martin.

298
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,559
Cheers, Sue.

299
00:27:43,559 --> 00:27:50,880
I'm no good at speeches
so I'm not even gonna try. But me
and Trudy also have an announcement.

300
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:56,039
And it's a big one...
so hang onto your chairs.

301
00:27:58,039 --> 00:28:03,000
The gravy is granules
and it's Janice's fault! Martin!

302
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,240
Typical!

303
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,240
Why did you have to do that?!

304
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,559
THEY ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

305
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,799
Was that custard a bit runny? >

306
00:28:16,799 --> 00:28:19,960
Who fancies a bouncy castle?

307
00:28:16,799 --> 00:28:19,960
ALL: Me!

308
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,240
Right, coats on, outside.

309
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:26,079
Do that again
and you're out on your ear!

310
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:36,119
For God's sake!

311
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:36,119
What is it?

312
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:36,119
Can I bounce on it?

313
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,839
If you don't, I will! You're mental!

314
00:28:39,839 --> 00:28:41,880
I'm paying maintenance to her!

315
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:46,680
That's your level, Kev.
No brain, can't talk, legs spread!

316
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,160
Yeah, AND it can cut hair.

317
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,160
Shut up, you!

318
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:55,240
He's never gonna change.
In fact, it gets worse.

319
00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:00,640
Our first foster parents
dumped us because of his gob!

320
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:05,519
I thought they were OK, but him
and Stuart couldn't stick them.

321
00:29:05,519 --> 00:29:11,039
They got caught shoplifting
so we'd get a case review. ..Kev!

322
00:29:11,039 --> 00:29:16,599
Ten Turkish Delights! Jam double
album. Which I got the blame for!

323
00:29:16,599 --> 00:29:21,119
Kev never talks about that.
There's nothing to tell.

324
00:29:21,119 --> 00:29:25,319
I bet everybody says
that you'll love having kids. >

325
00:29:25,319 --> 00:29:29,599
Not really, no.

326
00:29:25,319 --> 00:29:29,599
I bet they do. They'd be wrong. >

327
00:29:29,599 --> 00:29:35,319
Everyone I've thought that about
has been crap with kids.
What are you saying?

328
00:29:35,319 --> 00:29:40,079
Steer clear of parenting.
Just borrow kids from time to time.

329
00:29:40,079 --> 00:29:44,799
Well, mine...
This world is short of baby-sitters.

330
00:29:50,759 --> 00:29:53,640
Isn't it hard bringing two up alone?

331
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:58,079
You don't always have a say.
Come on. We're not Dark Ages.

332
00:29:58,079 --> 00:30:01,359
I never wanted just one child
anyway.

333
00:30:01,359 --> 00:30:03,640
Why not? Because.

334
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:11,640
Truth or dare. You wouldn't
be pregnant, with a fella where
yours is, if you had the choice.

335
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:16,880
Truth or dare, you wouldn't dump
an accountant for a security guard.

336
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:23,359
I wasn't being personal. You were!
OK, but only cos I've had a few.
I wasn't, honest!

337
00:30:23,359 --> 00:30:28,119
You got more beer? Yeah.
Anybody else want one?
ALL: Me!

338
00:30:28,119 --> 00:30:30,680
I think I'd better have some water.

339
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,759
Why am I the only one shifting?

340
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,759
Cos you're gorgeous!

341
00:30:35,799 --> 00:30:38,720
Yeah, right(!)

342
00:30:35,799 --> 00:30:38,720
You are.

343
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,119
I did think twice about it.

344
00:30:41,119 --> 00:30:46,319
The doctor said he understood
if I wanted a termination.

345
00:30:47,319 --> 00:30:49,799
Then I got a consultant,

346
00:30:49,799 --> 00:30:55,200
The minute he said yes, I was like,
"Who are you doing this for?"

347
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,440
I can imagine.

348
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,960
Next thing I knew,
I was on my way home.

349
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,240
Am I right in thinking that's March?

350
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,880
PHONE RINGS

351
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,880
No! April. Have you got it there?

352
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,920
I can't answer that right now.

353
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,920
CRASH

354
00:31:49,559 --> 00:31:52,880
I've said I'm sorry. ..Have you?

355
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:58,480
So your machine doesn't pick up my
messages? It's been trained not to.

356
00:32:02,039 --> 00:32:07,039
Shift back upstairs. I'll buy you
a cappuccino machine. I hate coffee.

357
00:32:07,039 --> 00:32:09,960
A foot spa for under your desk?

358
00:32:13,359 --> 00:32:16,720
I know I behaved badly
and I'm sorry.

359
00:32:20,119 --> 00:32:23,279
You OK? Everything's...

360
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,200
No.

361
00:33:01,279 --> 00:33:07,039
All right, Freda? Yep.
..Oh, hiya, Trudy. Freda.

362
00:33:07,039 --> 00:33:12,200
I'll leave you to it. ..I'll
phone you about the thingy, Sue.

363
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,960
OK, thanks, Freda.
See you at work, then, Trudy. Ta-ra.

364
00:33:20,359 --> 00:33:25,799
You know she uses fabric from work?
Well, yeah, but only from wastage.

365
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:33,200
Do you mind? Course we do. I've been
deducting £15 a week from her wages.

366
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:38,640
She's yet to notice, so she must be
doing well. Good luck to her.

367
00:33:45,599 --> 00:33:49,920
If it doesn't turn soon,
I might end up with a Caesarian,

368
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:54,839
which isn't the end of the world
but it's just more hassle.

369
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:04,000
If it was Stuart's baby, you wouldn't
consider aborting. What do you mean?

370
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,119
Look at me.

371
00:34:07,119 --> 00:34:11,239
The minute you mentioned abortion,
I knew it.

372
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:15,960
A lot of people THINK about
aborting. You're not everybody.

373
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,880
Neither is Stuart.
You've had to fight for him.

374
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,480
Does Martin know it's his?

375
00:34:30,159 --> 00:34:32,400
Oh, God!

376
00:34:34,559 --> 00:34:38,000
It was only when
I had the first scan.

377
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:41,400
Four weeks further on
than I thought.

378
00:34:47,559 --> 00:34:49,960
You came back for Martin.

379
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,639
I knew nothing about you two.

380
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:59,039
If I'd made it back
for Kev's wedding, or...

381
00:34:59,039 --> 00:35:02,519
I might have known, but I didn't,

382
00:35:02,519 --> 00:35:04,800
so I just thought...

383
00:35:06,639 --> 00:35:09,880
Stuart's screwed his parole up
twice.

384
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,760
I don't think he can face
coming home.

385
00:35:16,559 --> 00:35:19,280
With three weeks to go, I panicked.

386
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,039
I've said nothing to anybody else.

387
00:35:27,039 --> 00:35:31,239
I've just made a fool of myself.
It can stay like that.

388
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:36,039
You two are dead right
for each other.

389
00:35:36,039 --> 00:35:38,440
You are. I've watched you.

390
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,199
I'm not gonna open my mouth now.

391
00:35:43,199 --> 00:35:46,159
You can trust me.

392
00:35:47,159 --> 00:35:50,480
That's not good enough though, is it?

393
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,280
Please don't tell him.

394
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,840
He doesn't need to know.

395
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:06,280
I worked it out.
Martin's a long way off stupid.

396
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,320
DOOR SHUTS

397
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,320
Trude?

398
00:36:38,639 --> 00:36:41,599
Your phone's off. Flat battery.

399
00:36:41,599 --> 00:36:44,559
Hungry? Sue wants to see you.

400
00:36:44,559 --> 00:36:48,159
..What? She wants to talk to you.

401
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,840
What about? ..Tonight, if possible.

402
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,840
Oh, right.

403
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:04,599
There's a reason she didn't phone.
Why don't you nip round?

404
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,280
Is it about Stuart? Go and see her.

405
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,039
Mack?

406
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:20,880
Our Janice has gone to see a film.
I don't know who else to ring.

407
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,239
At home.

408
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,760
..I was wondering
if you could come over.

409
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:38,639
Hiya. ..Trudy said you needed me.

410
00:39:41,679 --> 00:39:43,440
Come in.

411
00:39:58,519 --> 00:40:00,639
This timing is...

412
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,599
Are you certain it's mine?

413
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,440
You've moved on, Martin.

414
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,880
You've moved in with Trudy.

415
00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:14,199
How come I'm the last to know?

416
00:40:14,199 --> 00:40:16,519
Nobody knows.

417
00:40:16,519 --> 00:40:20,280
Trudy, and I didn't tell her,
she guessed.

418
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:38,000
Why are you telling me?

419
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,880
I'm the last person
Martin would want to know.

420
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:48,039
I need good advice, Mack. You're
talking like you've lost everything.

421
00:40:48,039 --> 00:40:52,039
He's got everything he wants
somewhere else.

422
00:40:52,039 --> 00:40:57,400
You don't know that.
He won't walk away from a child.
You didn't need to tell him!

423
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:03,159
You don't know him. You wouldn't
lie to him. You and truth!

424
00:41:03,159 --> 00:41:08,119
You can't avoid it! Sue was capable
of keeping all this to herself.

425
00:41:08,119 --> 00:41:14,360
Sorry you've ended up in this shit,
but did you have to
ask the questions? Yes!

426
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:22,280
No, I could've carried on, lying
awake the next ten years, waiting for
Martin to find out, then losing more!

427
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:26,280
We're not all like you, Mack.

428
00:41:30,199 --> 00:41:34,480
What I'm like suits me.
Fine. I can't live like that.

429
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:40,320
Would it have lasted ten years?
You just don't like him.

430
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,800
Honest question.

431
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,719
I don't know.

432
00:41:48,559 --> 00:41:50,840
Yes.

433
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,760
I'm curious, that's all.

434
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,840
You've never jumped into anything.

435
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,920
One minute it's a date,
next it's a business,

436
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:07,079
next thing you're moving him in.

437
00:42:07,079 --> 00:42:11,920
What was the rush? You're the only
one who thought it was a rush.

438
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,639
Only I am qualified to comment.

439
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:24,280
You think I did all this
to give you a good hiding?

440
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,320
A bit of me does, yeah.

441
00:42:29,679 --> 00:42:31,719
You're wrong.

442
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:40,960
You're not jealous.
You're just pretending to be because
you want what somebody else has got.

443
00:42:43,079 --> 00:42:48,519
Maybe. But I'm only being
excluded cos I once...

444
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,239
..ONCE turned you down,

445
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:55,960
and I wish I hadn't.

446
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,920
So it's not everything.

447
00:43:35,679 --> 00:43:38,360
You won't have lost everything.

448
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,400
You need to know that.

449
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:46,559
DOOR OPENS

450
00:44:06,199 --> 00:44:08,159
Martin.

451
00:44:08,159 --> 00:44:11,760
What's he doing here? I was invited.

452
00:44:15,199 --> 00:44:18,079
I can't believe you did that.

453
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,559
I'd better go. Did you tell him?

454
00:44:24,559 --> 00:44:27,199
I've come as a friend. Suddenly.

455
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,400
The Scotch is communal.

456
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:53,639
I needed someone to talk to.
Mess, innit?

457
00:44:54,639 --> 00:44:58,559
I'd feel better
if it was someone's fault.

458
00:44:59,559 --> 00:45:03,760
How do you want to handle
this money...business...stuff?

459
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,800
I don't know.

460
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:11,599
We'll need some advice.
You've put most money in, so...

461
00:45:11,599 --> 00:45:15,639
That's it?
..You can do that, can you?

462
00:45:15,639 --> 00:45:21,119
Make decisions for me?
Pack the bags and get somebody
to go over the paperwork?

463
00:45:21,119 --> 00:45:24,599
What am I meant to say?
Do you love me or not?!

464
00:45:24,599 --> 00:45:27,840
Martin,
don't make this worse for me.

465
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:33,280
What the hell did you think getting
married was about? Tax relief?!

466
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:38,679
YOU didn't want it talking about.
Says who? Well, who've you told?

467
00:45:38,679 --> 00:45:44,559
You asked me not to! I said... You
asked me not to! Before we did it!

468
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,440
Who the hell do you think I am?!

469
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:54,639
You went through with it
thinking I'd marry you for tax?

470
00:45:57,119 --> 00:45:59,840
You should be ashamed of yourself!

471
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:07,159
I thought you wanted to spend
the rest of your life with me,
not bail out at the first problem!

472
00:46:07,159 --> 00:46:13,159
Yeah, but it's not just a problem.
She's pregnant and it's yours.

473
00:46:14,159 --> 00:46:19,400
Yeah, and I only found out because
she wishes it was somebody else's!

474
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:25,280
But I know you. You won't leave her
to struggle on her own.

475
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,039
I won't leave her struggling,

476
00:46:28,039 --> 00:46:33,480
but I won't throw all this away
cos she decided to lie to Stuart!

477
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:37,800
She's waited eight months
for Stuart. I was Plan B. Again!

478
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:46,119
I won't go in there
playing baby-sitter for Stuart,
or Sue, or Kev, or anybody else!

479
00:46:46,119 --> 00:46:51,760
Cos that's been my life - making
sure every other fucker was OK.

480
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:55,440
"Let Martin sort it out."
Look at me!

481
00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,679
I'm 30.

482
00:46:59,679 --> 00:47:03,400
I've waited a long time for this,
Trudy.

483
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:08,760
I married you cos I love you.
It's the only reason
I COULD have married you!

484
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,440
Martin...

485
00:47:37,519 --> 00:47:42,719
She's seen the last of our Stuart,
so it'll take money to help her out,

486
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:47,480
which you're bound to resent,
but we will make money,

487
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,480
despite what Mack the Knife thinks.

488
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:54,280
No - BECAUSE of
what Mack The Knife thinks.

489
00:47:54,280 --> 00:48:00,559
I'm bloody determined!
And nobody gets to know about
the baby. Promise me. Of course.

490
00:48:00,559 --> 00:48:05,159
For Sue's sake.
Not our Kev, not your Janice.

491
00:48:05,159 --> 00:48:08,960
I promise... Martin...

492
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:12,000
I'm really, really sorry.

493
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,280
You won't be.

494
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,800
Hiya, you all right?

495
00:48:57,639 --> 00:49:02,280
You're not supposed
to see each other. It's bad luck.

496
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:06,000
First blow job you get,
she'll bite it off!

497
00:51:08,679 --> 00:51:12,719
Subtitles by Caroline Tosh
BBC Scotland - 2001

498
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:15,760
Email us at subtitling@bbx.co.uk