1 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:47,719 JAMIE: It was on the radio - 2 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:47,719 men find pregnant women sexy. Yeah? 3 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:47,719 What station's this? Radio Perv(?) 4 00:00:47,719 --> 00:00:50,159 It's true. They've got this glow. 5 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:54,679 They've got a big, fat lump. Like going to bed with a beer belly. 6 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,320 Don't knock it till you've tried it! 7 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:04,120 'Kev... Kevin Leach. It's your wife. She's on her way to the hospital.' CHORUS OF CHEERS 8 00:01:14,359 --> 00:01:18,640 If I could get out of this bed...! You could make my tea. 9 00:01:19,719 --> 00:01:22,599 ..I'm only kidding. No, you're not. 10 00:01:36,759 --> 00:01:41,879 Eight pound...something. Name's gonna be Shannon. A boy or a girl? 11 00:01:41,879 --> 00:01:47,479 Hey, Kev, does she look like you? No, Colin, she looks like you, so we're having her put down. 12 00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:54,319 Hey! ANYBODY wanna buy me a drink, form a queue. Piss off! 13 00:01:55,599 --> 00:02:00,400 Baby shit doesn't smell like ordinary shit - it's concentrated. 14 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:06,879 You'll be telling me it's green, next. Sleep deprivation's torture. Torture is listening to your shit. 15 00:02:06,879 --> 00:02:09,400 MEN: Ooh! No, I'm serious. 16 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,960 The responsibility of looking after my little girl won't be easy. 17 00:02:24,199 --> 00:02:26,400 Jesus, God! 18 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,479 Kev! 19 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:36,280 Stay where you are, mate. ..Get an ambulance. 20 00:02:43,719 --> 00:02:46,719 Just stay still. Just stay still. 21 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,439 Cheers, mate. 22 00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:06,719 Oh, Kev. 23 00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,680 Yeah. 24 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,199 It could've been a lot worse. 25 00:03:12,199 --> 00:03:14,560 It might've been twins. 26 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,599 TV IS ON 27 00:03:21,599 --> 00:03:26,400 I could get used to this. I thought 28 00:03:21,599 --> 00:03:26,400 you already were used to it. 29 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:32,079 Monday morning, 11 o'clock, all the lads will be working their balls off. 30 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:35,000 Hey, have you got any sauce? 31 00:03:55,639 --> 00:04:00,680 How much did this lot cost? I dunno. I wasn't counting. 32 00:04:01,639 --> 00:04:07,039 Did you land on your head, or what? 33 00:04:01,639 --> 00:04:07,039 Here you are. Try them on. 34 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:12,560 Kev, a whole person has just come out my belly. 35 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:17,600 I can hardly get my arse into the car, let alone size ten trousers. 36 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:22,600 Give it a few weeks. And how are we gonna pay for this lot on sick pay? 37 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:26,079 I've been to see that bloke, the lawyer. 38 00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:32,199 He reckons - and this happens - some idiot crashes into you, you'll get compensation. Like, ten grand. 39 00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:37,240 For a fractured leg and some stitches? Yeah. That, and the trauma and depression. 40 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,720 But you're not depressed. 41 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:42,360 That's not what the psychologist reckons. What psychologist? 42 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,399 The one who's gonna see me like this. 43 00:04:46,399 --> 00:04:49,199 "I've just had a new baby and... 44 00:04:49,199 --> 00:04:54,959 "I'm too nervous to pick her up. It's ruined my life." 45 00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:58,959 Class! ..Isn't it, Shannon, eh? 46 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:06,639 You always were a jammy bastard. I'm just making the most of the situation. 47 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:13,759 Illegally, cos you walked backwards into that road. My solicitor says we threaten to take her to court 48 00:05:13,759 --> 00:05:20,439 and the insurance companies will talk figures. You might want to GET this money before you spend it, Kev. 49 00:05:20,439 --> 00:05:26,879 Yeah, they're not gonna just pay up ten grand. We're going to say she should've stopped. Why didn't she? 50 00:05:26,879 --> 00:05:29,319 So they might lose. 51 00:05:29,319 --> 00:05:34,480 And with the baby and the trauma, my bloke says for sure they'll settle it out of court. 52 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:39,959 I'm sorry I dived out of the way now. Can I say I was traumatised watching my mate get run over(?) 53 00:05:39,959 --> 00:05:46,120 A mate like Kev, gotta be worth... 50 quid? You're so flush, get the beers in. No chance. 54 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,600 Get the vodkas in! C'mon, boys! 55 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:52,639 Kev, she's here, that woman whose car hit you. 56 00:05:52,639 --> 00:05:58,600 What you gonna do? Well, I'm not going to hide from her. Why should I? 57 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,920 Hello. 58 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:10,560 I know you're probably... that I am the last person you want to see, but... 59 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:15,519 I just wanted to see how you are and...to tell you that I'm sorry. 60 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,920 That's all. 61 00:06:21,959 --> 00:06:27,519 I spoke to your wife and she told me that this is where I could find you. 62 00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:30,279 And that you have a new baby. 63 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:33,439 That's the best thing, for anyone. 64 00:06:33,439 --> 00:06:40,560 Better than winning the Lottery or playing at Old Trafford. Better than being hit by a car? 65 00:06:42,759 --> 00:06:50,560 If there is any way I could help you...I would like to... if you wanted. 66 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:18,879 I felt sorry for her. She seemed all right. Twat off! She deserves it. Tasty, though. Aye. 67 00:07:18,879 --> 00:07:24,600 Maybe you could get to shag her as part of the compensation. Hey, Kev, do it again. 68 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,519 Better than being hit by a car? 69 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:35,680 "Better than the best thing. Better than playing at Old Trafford." 70 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,519 "Hey, c'mon. Oh, that's good". 71 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,000 I came here, because I can't sleep. 72 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:58,120 I close my eyes and I see you on the ground, all smashed up. I wanted you to be all right. 73 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,160 So... 74 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:04,279 Well, now I can see that you ARE all right. 75 00:08:04,279 --> 00:08:10,360 And I can see what kind of man you are, to want me to suffer, to enjoy that... 76 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,759 to laugh at it. 77 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,639 I can't even bear looking at you. 78 00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:38,639 Who do you think you're kidding? 79 00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:38,639 What, YOU'RE the victim now 80 00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:38,639 cos I took the piss?! Why so angry? 81 00:08:38,639 --> 00:08:45,879 Because I showed what a shit you are? It's easy being Mother bastard Teresa when you can afford to. 82 00:08:45,879 --> 00:08:53,840 Any concern I have is wasted on a man like you. I didn't drive a car right through YOUR life, did I?! 83 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:59,799 What kind of man makes a joke out of a terrible thing? All I did was have a wind-up. YOU could've killed me. 84 00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:06,720 Did the police prosecute me? It was an accident. I had an accident. I didn't want to hurt you. 85 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:11,840 You knew what you were doing to me. You did this. You did all of this. 86 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,879 I don't have to explain to you. ..Get off me! 87 00:09:15,879 --> 00:09:20,519 Don't you dare stand there looking down your nose at me! 88 00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:28,799 Kev? Stop dickin' about! 89 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,519 Kev! Kev? 90 00:09:34,519 --> 00:09:36,639 Kev! Kev! 91 00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:39,759 Somebody go and get a doctor! 92 00:09:39,759 --> 00:09:42,039 What've you done? 93 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:44,960 KEV! 94 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,879 TV IS ON 95 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:00,120 Don't you want your sandwich? 96 00:10:04,639 --> 00:10:07,720 I'll get you something else, yeah? 97 00:10:38,799 --> 00:10:43,559 Kev, you can't mess about with something like this. 98 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:56,159 Look, can we at least have a conversation about it? 99 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,639 It's a shock, yeah, but... 100 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,320 You have to take these. 101 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:56,919 She's a belter. She knows my voice already. Can you believe that? 102 00:13:56,919 --> 00:14:01,960 I think she's tired, Kev. Nah. She's not long woke up. It's a bit warm out here for her. 103 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,440 And she's gonna need a feed. 104 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,639 ..She's scared I'm gonna drop her. 105 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,799 Hormones! They can keep 'em. 106 00:14:17,799 --> 00:14:21,320 Bye, Kev. See you later. Here, lad. Cheers! 107 00:14:32,559 --> 00:14:38,200 You're looking well, Kev. I mean, how's things? How's the leg? I mean, how's the baby? 108 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,600 I know what you mean, Freda! 109 00:14:43,159 --> 00:14:45,679 Hey, Kev. Sorry to hear about the... 110 00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:50,600 If you get spotted, they'll have you back. Why'd you think I've come in? 111 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:55,679 Aye, there's only so much daytime telly you can take. Aye, Jamie? 112 00:15:00,279 --> 00:15:05,799 Hey, Kev, did you hear about Ade going swimming? Oh, leave off it. Trying to lose some weight. 113 00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:11,600 He goes down to the pool 114 00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:11,600 before work. First day there, crack 115 00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:11,600 of dawn, in he goes, monkey man. 116 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:18,320 Meanwhile somebody breaks 117 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:18,320 into his locker, has away the lot. 118 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:18,320 Bastards were after my car keys. 119 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:24,240 He had to get a taxi home in his yellow swimming trunks. Yellow? I wish I'd said they were red now. 120 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:29,399 What you lot laughing at? You turned into happy workers when I wasn't looking? 121 00:15:29,399 --> 00:15:35,000 I might've known you'd be the cause of it, Kev. You should be at home downing chicken broth and Lucozade. 122 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:41,759 I've had enough of all that. Comes off in a week. Fantastic. Want to come up and have a word? Yes. 123 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,120 Good. Everything all right? 124 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:10,159 You're not feeling wobbly or anything? 125 00:16:10,159 --> 00:16:14,200 Need anything? No, just to get back to work. 126 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:19,960 Good. So, we need to talk about what it is you'll be doing. 127 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:26,279 I'll be doing my job. Yeah, but WHAT job? That's what I'm saying. 128 00:16:27,399 --> 00:16:30,480 MY job. Cutting. What's this about? 129 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,960 I've spoken to the Health and Safety people. 130 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:40,679 There's no way Coopers & Farland can allow you back cutting. What are you talking about? 131 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,360 We just couldn't get the insurance...now... 132 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,039 not with this...this other thing. 133 00:16:49,039 --> 00:16:54,679 When have I ever have an accident? ONE accident! Check it out - bloody Ade's always at it. 134 00:16:54,679 --> 00:17:00,039 What's happening with your driving licence? That's only for a year. Of course I can drive. 135 00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:06,799 They took your driving licence away because you have epilepsy. It's the same thing here with the cutting. 136 00:17:06,799 --> 00:17:09,400 We all want you back, Kev. 137 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:16,039 There's plenty of other jobs you can do. Pushing a broom(?) Service hand. 138 00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:21,400 You think I'm gonna fetch and carry? I want MY job back. The job I've done since I left school. 139 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:26,759 There's no discussion to be had, Kev. It is not ME deciding this. 140 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,240 Well, that's the way it is. 141 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,720 You'll think about it? 142 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:54,839 And why didn't you tell me about this? Cos there's nothing to tell. 143 00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:59,759 They're giving us £100,000 and you just say nothing to me about it? 144 00:17:59,759 --> 00:18:05,880 What difference does it make? We're not getting it anyway. Why not? Cos they've got it wrong this time. 145 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:10,839 They got it wrong last time. This time, it's because of the epilepsy. 146 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:15,720 When they were saying ten grand, you were up for it. Now... Kev, this is a whole new life. 147 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:20,039 What? Cos I'm a freak, I'm gonna be the golden goose? 148 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,319 Kev, it's for us! 149 00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:26,440 I don't want it. End of story. 150 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,759 So, is it the begging letters? 151 00:18:34,759 --> 00:18:41,039 Scared you'll get tons of letters off tossers saying their sick toddler needs an urgent operation? 152 00:18:41,039 --> 00:18:43,240 Babs been on the phone to you(?) 153 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,240 Anyone with brains would grab that money. 154 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:52,480 Anyone with brains and epilepsy(!) There, you see, you said it. Wasn't so difficult, now, was it? 155 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:57,319 Is that what this is about? Make Kev feel like he's not a crip? 156 00:18:57,319 --> 00:19:03,240 Would you rather I just said, "Sod him, what do I care"? I might. Yeah, I could believe it. 157 00:19:09,079 --> 00:19:14,119 So, you going to take the job? Oh, yeah, that's all I need, innit(?) 158 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:20,240 You lot looking at me every day, thinking, "Mm..." The job's not the problem, Kev. 159 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,359 The money's not the problem. 160 00:19:26,519 --> 00:19:30,000 The epilepsy's not even the problem. 161 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,240 It's you, mate. 162 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:55,279 He didn't shove you, Ade. You were just too slow. 163 00:19:56,599 --> 00:20:02,400 Why don't you go back to Wales or wherever you're from? Are you still seeing that bird? 164 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,559 LAUGHTER 165 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:20,000 WOMAN: I tell you, this place is SO sexy. 166 00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:27,200 Excuse me. 167 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:36,160 Don't talk to me. 168 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:41,319 Did she tell you what she's done? My life - down the pisser. 169 00:20:41,319 --> 00:20:46,880 She smashes her car into me, and I lose MY licence. Does that sound right to you? 170 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,319 My job gone. 171 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:55,759 They tell me I can't even get 172 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:55,759 pissed to drown my sorrows. 173 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:55,759 And do you want to know the killer? 174 00:20:55,759 --> 00:21:00,319 My wife's too scared to let me hold my own baby. 175 00:21:01,319 --> 00:21:03,880 But you enjoy your drinks, yeah? 176 00:21:05,039 --> 00:21:09,519 Don't mind me - I'm just the cabaret. Freak show! 177 00:21:13,599 --> 00:21:16,000 Sorry. Excuse me. 178 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:27,920 What do you want from me? I got 179 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:27,920 what I wanted. Seeing you. You just 180 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:27,920 slide back into your cushy life. 181 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,559 Is that what you think? I saw it. 182 00:21:31,559 --> 00:21:34,079 Have you really lost your job? 183 00:21:35,079 --> 00:21:39,359 Can I help you? I'm not interested. Now, piss off! 184 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:54,240 How many vodkas can you get in one glass, pal? Let me buy it. I told you I'm not interested. ..The same. 185 00:21:57,599 --> 00:22:03,240 Gimme a pint. ..And I'll have a pint. I love beer. You're wasted on him, love. 186 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,960 Please! 187 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:14,559 Kevin, listen to me. Don't do this. Don't be like this, please. 188 00:22:14,559 --> 00:22:20,319 Don't let this defeat you and ruin 189 00:22:14,559 --> 00:22:20,319 your life. I couldn't bear that. 190 00:22:14,559 --> 00:22:20,319 I don't want to know. 191 00:22:20,319 --> 00:22:25,319 There's a man who doesn't know gorgeous when he sees it, does he? 192 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,440 Kevin! Kevin, talk to me, please! 193 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,920 Don't you ever give up? 194 00:22:56,079 --> 00:23:03,400 I have to do that. What you saw in the wine bar - smiling and flirting and looking like I'm having fun. 195 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:08,200 It's my job. What, you some sort of escort? I might have known! 196 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,759 I do public relations. 197 00:23:10,759 --> 00:23:16,160 Wine bars, hotels, restaurants... other stuff. 198 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,720 Those people were journalists. 199 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:24,640 I take them there, they enjoy themselves, they might write a piece in their paper about the place. 200 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:30,839 And everyone lives happy ever after. I love my job. I'm not going to apologise for that. 201 00:23:30,839 --> 00:23:35,920 Would it make YOUR situation any easier if my life was terrible? Yes. 202 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:40,920 You were much more convincing when you were faking it. 203 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,759 This is not you. 204 00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:51,119 You've got more balls than this. 205 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,160 What do you want, Kevin? 206 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:58,359 I want YOU to stop calling me Kevin. 207 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,440 It's Kev. 208 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:06,640 Then I want to get completely pissed out of my head. OK. I think we can fix that...Kev. 209 00:24:16,519 --> 00:24:18,799 Again? 210 00:24:22,559 --> 00:24:26,599 Hold it under your tongue, like this, right? 211 00:24:31,519 --> 00:24:34,039 And then you...swallow. 212 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,039 My boyfriend... 213 00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:46,000 my ex-boyfriend, he wasn't exactly in love with my job. 214 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:51,119 He said I was working too many hours and too many nights. 215 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:58,200 He said I'm too bothered about my career. So that's why he's my ex-boyfriend. The bloke's a twat. 216 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,880 No question. What's he on? You think he's wrong to want to stop me? 217 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:09,759 Wrong? He's mad. He's got a bird that's earning. He could just put his feet up and he's laughing. 218 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,480 More booze? 219 00:25:28,799 --> 00:25:37,359 So, your job - you just go round, boozing with the likes of this lot, like, parties, every night? 220 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:43,880 Oh, but it's not all just drinking the best wines and eating the fanciest foods 221 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:49,799 or talking to the happening people. I have to do difficult things... like, I mean, what do I wear? 222 00:25:49,799 --> 00:25:52,319 I need clothes. So... 223 00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:55,039 I have to shop! 224 00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:10,240 You have a funny face. 225 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:13,799 I need to pee. 226 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:33,920 I know it's a joke, you know, me wanting my job back. 227 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:39,799 And I was always moaning about it, same as the next bloke. 228 00:26:41,519 --> 00:26:46,240 And how many times have I said, "Get me out of here"? 229 00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:56,359 But I can see my mates looking at me... 230 00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,799 see them thinking... 231 00:27:00,799 --> 00:27:03,200 "..That used to be Kev." 232 00:27:05,039 --> 00:27:07,559 They don't know what to say to me. 233 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:15,160 They try and help. I don't want to be someone that they want to help. 234 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,680 And Babs feeling sorry for me... 235 00:27:24,079 --> 00:27:26,559 ..that really does my head in. 236 00:27:32,839 --> 00:27:34,920 I've... 237 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,599 always been the kind of bloke... 238 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,599 ..you know... 239 00:27:41,599 --> 00:27:43,920 ..like, women... 240 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:49,920 ..you know, things happen sort of easy. 241 00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,839 They think I'm a lad. 242 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,920 But now... 243 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,920 that's gone, cos... 244 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:12,799 ..cos being a spakker just ain't sexy, is it? 245 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:50,920 Oh, shit. Hey, wake up! You have to go. You have to go NOW. 246 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:58,759 Yeah, he has stayed out all night before, but... Well, he's got epilepsy. 247 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,880 He's actually just come back. Thanks. 248 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:08,319 You twat! Where have you been? I phoned the police. I got lashed up with the lads. 249 00:29:08,319 --> 00:29:13,559 Who? Barney. Crashed on his sofa. Got any bacon? 250 00:29:13,559 --> 00:29:20,319 I tried your mobile. I switched it off. I just got into one, you know, like you do. ..Hello, darling. 251 00:29:20,319 --> 00:29:26,640 Hey, have you got one of your big smiles for Daddy? Shannon, give us one of your big, gummy smiles. 252 00:29:29,079 --> 00:29:32,519 Two slices or three? Four. 253 00:29:34,839 --> 00:29:38,160 ..Have you been good for Mummy? Have you? 254 00:29:46,599 --> 00:29:52,920 I like the haircut, Freda. Thanks, Kev. It'll look all right when it's finished. ..Barney, a word. 255 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:03,440 Babs might phone. She won't, but if she does, I was out with you last night and I kipped at your house. 256 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,079 So, where DID you kip? 257 00:30:06,079 --> 00:30:11,480 Come on, Kev, you've got a baby now. When did that ever make a fella keep it zipped up? 258 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:16,599 Well, when some of us have kids, we reckon it's time to grow up. Give over. It's just a laugh. 259 00:30:16,599 --> 00:30:22,839 Have you not got enough going on in your life without looking for a bit on the side? What bit on the side? 260 00:30:22,839 --> 00:30:27,759 That's all I need(!) Who is it? She's not from round here. 261 00:30:27,759 --> 00:30:30,759 Well, is she...is she fit? 262 00:30:30,759 --> 00:30:37,680 She's one of those women, when she's finished with you, you have to ask, "Can I have my balls back?" 263 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,920 Kev, Pat says you're coming back to work. That's great. 264 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:46,160 Don't look too pleased, Grace. I might change my mind. 265 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:54,559 Well, it gets me out of the house. Till the compensation comes through. 266 00:30:54,559 --> 00:30:59,400 Oh, you're having it now, are you? 267 00:30:54,559 --> 00:30:59,400 Too right, I am. 268 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:07,559 A hundred grand. It's scary, isn't it? That much money. I'm sure we'll manage. 269 00:31:10,039 --> 00:31:12,559 I don't understand you blokes. 270 00:31:12,559 --> 00:31:18,200 You're in the pits, get pissed 271 00:31:12,559 --> 00:31:18,200 with your mates, then you're 272 00:31:12,559 --> 00:31:18,200 back to normal. Not back to normal. 273 00:31:29,119 --> 00:31:32,039 PHONE RINGS 274 00:31:29,119 --> 00:31:32,039 Hello. 275 00:31:32,039 --> 00:31:37,400 How's your head? Feels like there are about six of them, and they're all spinning. 276 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:44,680 I've got a hangover the size of a house, but it was worth it, so...thanks. 277 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:51,920 Well, I'm glad if I could help a little bit. So...yeah, it's good that you're OK. I could be more OK. 278 00:31:54,240 --> 00:32:00,680 What you doing tonight? I'm working. We have a big party for a new singer. 279 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,799 Sounds like a laugh. Well, maybe yes, maybe no. 280 00:32:04,799 --> 00:32:07,839 Look, I...have to go... 281 00:32:07,839 --> 00:32:10,599 My...taxi's waiting. 282 00:32:10,599 --> 00:32:14,319 You take care, Kev. Bye. ..Yes? 283 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:10,279 How did YOU get in? You invited me. Don't you remember? You stole an invitation. 284 00:33:10,279 --> 00:33:13,240 Would I do that?! 285 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,519 Now you can see how tough my job is. 286 00:33:16,519 --> 00:33:23,839 I have to make these people think they're having a fantastic time. Hand out the straws and the vodka. 287 00:33:23,839 --> 00:33:28,559 Now we know what happens when we do that. We do. I have to mix. 288 00:33:28,559 --> 00:33:33,559 OK. I'll see how many autographs I can get, then. What? It's a joke. 289 00:33:45,599 --> 00:33:50,240 I think you should go now. You and me should have a drink. 290 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:56,599 Oh, yeah, let's do that sometime. What about now? I have to work, finish up here. 291 00:33:56,599 --> 00:34:01,160 I'll wait for you outside, yeah? I think... Half an hour? 292 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,839 Half an hour. 293 00:34:14,159 --> 00:34:16,360 Hello. Hello. 294 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:24,360 I thought you said this place was only down the road. 295 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:29,800 Yeah, but you want to turn up in a cab, don't you? ..Deansgate, please, mate. 296 00:34:31,039 --> 00:34:33,199 Madame. 297 00:34:33,199 --> 00:34:37,239 Nah, we'll have this one in the middle. 298 00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:41,159 Madame. 299 00:34:43,079 --> 00:34:49,159 So, how did you end up in Manchester? My boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. 300 00:34:49,159 --> 00:34:54,199 Then I had my job, so I stayed. I didn't think I can get a job in PR, 301 00:34:54,199 --> 00:35:00,320 because my English wasn't so good then. I don't think it was your English they were thinking about 302 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:06,639 when they took you on, was it? What are you saying? I'm just saying, you know... 303 00:35:06,639 --> 00:35:11,800 That joker in the pub got it wrong. I DO know gorgeous when I see it. 304 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:18,159 I think maybe my degree helped me to get the job. I didn't know you could get a degree in flirting. 305 00:35:18,159 --> 00:35:23,519 Yes, since I did my degree, I can 306 00:35:18,159 --> 00:35:23,519 flirt in five different languages. 307 00:35:18,159 --> 00:35:23,519 Cheers to that! 308 00:35:23,519 --> 00:35:29,119 No. In Serbia, when you say a toast, you have to look into each other's eyes. 309 00:35:29,119 --> 00:35:31,159 Cheers! 310 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:42,079 You don't ask me the same questions everyone else does - about the war. 311 00:35:42,079 --> 00:35:46,159 Should I? I like it that you don't. 312 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:52,760 In Manchester, when you want to go to the bog, 313 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:58,360 you've gotta look into each other's eyes and say, "I've just got to take a leak." 314 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,719 Oh, go away! 315 00:36:14,519 --> 00:36:16,559 Thank you. 316 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,119 So... So? 317 00:36:22,119 --> 00:36:24,440 So, am I coming in? 318 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:28,599 I don't think that's a good idea. Why? 319 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,320 Go home, Kev. 320 00:37:20,559 --> 00:37:25,039 Hey, be in there by half-eight, I'll bring her in. 321 00:37:25,039 --> 00:37:30,559 So, what does she make of you wanting her to meet your mates? She doesn't know. 322 00:37:43,079 --> 00:37:45,440 There's my mates. 323 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,840 I'll introduce you to them. 324 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:57,599 ALL: Cheers! Wait. Where Maya comes 325 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:57,599 from, when you say cheers you have 326 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:57,599 to look each other in the eye. 327 00:37:57,599 --> 00:38:01,800 ALL: Cheers! 328 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,559 Cheers. 329 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:13,239 The best Red Star team was in 1991. 330 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:13,239 Mihajlovic - do you know him? 331 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:13,239 Plays for Lazio now. > 332 00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:17,599 He scored the most free kicks of anyone in Serbia. 333 00:38:17,599 --> 00:38:21,920 I mean, that guy, he's coming up the tunnel and he shoots! 334 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:28,039 And there is this new guy, Kezman. Watch out for him, he plays in Holland. 335 00:38:28,039 --> 00:38:32,079 He's not full of that Serbian arrogance. 336 00:38:32,079 --> 00:38:39,000 He really chases after the ball, he puts an effort in. These days, that is quite rare for a Serbian striker. 337 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:44,400 We better get on the phone to Sir 338 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:44,400 Alex. Might get some free tickets. 339 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:44,400 Pint? Aye. ..Pint? 340 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,039 ..Pint? Yes, please. 341 00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,960 Why are you doing this? 342 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,039 Why am I doing WHAT? 343 00:38:59,039 --> 00:39:01,480 Messing with people's lives. 344 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,400 Come on, don't be daft! 345 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:11,599 Kev was feeling pretty awful. Yeah? And now, he sees me sometimes, we talk, and... Look at him. 346 00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:14,400 Why is that such a bad thing? 347 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:19,800 Cos what Kev needs is help, not PR. 348 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:19,800 ..Excuse me, lads. 349 00:39:26,119 --> 00:39:32,159 Now you know why I've got a constant hard-on. No, Kev, now I know why you ARE a hard-on. 350 00:39:36,599 --> 00:39:39,320 TV IS ON 351 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,960 WEEPING 352 00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:14,639 KEV! 353 00:40:17,159 --> 00:40:19,880 Kev, will you come come quick? 354 00:40:26,559 --> 00:40:31,480 I just came through for a nappy and it was spilling all over the floor. 355 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:37,960 What's the bloody washing machine doing on at this time in the morning, anyway? Because I am up! 356 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:43,639 I'm always up. And she's always crying and you're a lot of soddin' help! I don't need this. Oh(?) 357 00:40:43,639 --> 00:40:49,559 You piss off out every night of the week and you just leave me here on my own. I'm knackered! 358 00:40:49,559 --> 00:40:54,039 I stink of shit. I feel like shit. And where are you? 359 00:40:54,039 --> 00:40:56,320 Make it all my fault! 360 00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:02,760 Like I haven't got enough on 361 00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:02,760 my plate, I need you shouting at me 362 00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:02,760 at six o'clock in the morning! 363 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:10,800 Kev! 364 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:14,280 Stop it! Stop it! 365 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,199 Stop it! 366 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,320 It's happened again, hasn't it? 367 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,119 Sorry, Kev. 368 00:41:53,159 --> 00:41:57,480 I just lost it, cos I'm so knackered. 369 00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,920 That's it, then, isn't it? 370 00:42:27,159 --> 00:42:29,840 Kev, why don't you come back in? 371 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,719 I'll cook you something to eat. 372 00:42:34,039 --> 00:42:36,519 What did it look like? 373 00:42:39,079 --> 00:42:44,199 I don't think any less of you cos of it. That means you do. 374 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,320 Come in, I'll run you a bath. 375 00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:56,639 Don't you feel sorry for me! Don't you dare feel sorry for me! 376 00:42:56,639 --> 00:42:59,119 Kev, where are you going? 377 00:43:01,199 --> 00:43:04,000 Kev...please! 378 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,719 I had another fit. 379 00:43:47,199 --> 00:43:50,840 You have it once...a fit... 380 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:57,639 ..then you can maybe say, you know, 381 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:57,639 it could have been anything. 382 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,079 But twice... 383 00:44:01,079 --> 00:44:03,119 That's it. 384 00:44:08,639 --> 00:44:11,079 But you're still Kev. 385 00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:16,840 Of course you are. 386 00:44:37,159 --> 00:44:39,440 Look at me. 387 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,239 Look at me, please. 388 00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:48,360 You're a beautiful man. 389 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,679 Would I lie to you? 390 00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:56,079 You are a beautiful man. 391 00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,639 Don't cry. 392 00:45:53,599 --> 00:45:57,639 Yeah, I know. I have to go to work. 393 00:45:58,639 --> 00:46:02,320 You could say the car wouldn't start. 394 00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:08,760 And hope they'd believe there was not a cab free in the whole of Manchester! You know what? 395 00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:13,719 I think it might be good for you not to get your own way all the time. 396 00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:16,440 So, I'll call you, yeah? 397 00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,440 Yeah. 398 00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:22,559 And don't steal anything from the flat. 399 00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,400 I'll call you tonight. 400 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,679 Hello. Can I speak...? 401 00:46:47,679 --> 00:46:51,719 'Scintilla PR. Our offices are now closed.' 402 00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:03,239 'She's out the office.' Can you tell me when she's back? 403 00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:06,159 'I'm not sure. But perhaps I can help.' No. 404 00:47:06,159 --> 00:47:10,320 'Why don't you leave a message on her voicemail?' 405 00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:14,599 I've left a message. 'Sorry. That's all I can do.' Thanks. 406 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:36,440 Hey, Kev, listen, we've had the new lawn laid. 407 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:42,440 How about you and Babs bring 408 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:42,440 the little 'un over on Sunday and 409 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:42,440 we'll have a barbie? Yeah. Why not? 410 00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:49,039 I've bought one of them gas jobs. So, you and me can slink off and watch the match on the telly. 411 00:47:49,039 --> 00:47:51,559 Sounds wicked(!) Let's do that. 412 00:48:08,559 --> 00:48:14,519 Can I help you? Is Maya about, please? She's not in today. Do you want to leave a message for her? 413 00:48:14,519 --> 00:48:18,079 No, you're all right. It doesn't matter. 414 00:48:42,559 --> 00:48:47,840 I saw that solicitor. He says the compensation, you know, the money, 415 00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:53,400 well, they don't give it to you all in one go. They kind of pay it over the rest of your life, 416 00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:58,159 like a weekly wage. How much does that work out at? 417 00:48:58,159 --> 00:49:03,039 Well, it doesn't work out at a whole new life, THAT'S for sure! 418 00:49:03,039 --> 00:49:05,079 Kev! 419 00:49:06,679 --> 00:49:09,119 I've already left her a message. 420 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:17,719 Yeah. Tell her... Just tell her I need to speak to her, all right? It's important. 421 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,800 All right, Kev? What? 422 00:49:31,039 --> 00:49:33,559 What IS this? 423 00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,039 What? 424 00:49:40,039 --> 00:49:42,079 What?! 425 00:49:42,079 --> 00:49:46,119 Kev, I'm not going to fight with you. 426 00:49:53,559 --> 00:49:58,559 What are you frightened of? Kev, please, don't start shouting. 427 00:49:58,559 --> 00:50:03,559 Oh, I'm a spasm waiting to happen, aren't I? Here's a good one - 428 00:50:03,559 --> 00:50:09,800 when I'm climbing on top of you, you're gonna have that little thought in your head - 429 00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,280 "Is he gonna go into one?" 430 00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:25,840 You've been avoiding me. 431 00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:38,039 Why are you doing this, Maya? It was a mistake. 432 00:51:38,039 --> 00:51:42,519 No, I've made mistakes. Plenty. This was not a mistake. 433 00:51:42,519 --> 00:51:48,679 You have a baby and a wife. That 434 00:51:42,519 --> 00:51:48,679 didn't stop you, so I don't believe 435 00:51:42,519 --> 00:51:48,679 you. Let's go back to yours. 436 00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,599 Let me go! 437 00:51:57,599 --> 00:52:01,199 No, no way. I'm not gonna do that. 438 00:52:01,199 --> 00:52:05,480 Listen to me, Kevin, it's finished. No. 439 00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:11,199 No. You want me. I saw it. Why are you doing this to me? Because I don't want you. 440 00:52:11,199 --> 00:52:15,880 There's nothing between us. Nothing. If I had that money... Oh! 441 00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:22,760 Do you think, even if you had money, I would be remotely interested in you? You have nothing that I want. 442 00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:28,239 No. You reel me in and then you don't. Why? Do you think I'm just pissing? Cos I'm not. 443 00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:33,519 I wanna hear it. There was nothing. There IS nothing. 444 00:52:33,519 --> 00:52:40,039 You think that you can just vanish and that's it? Well, that's not it. Why are you doing this to me? 445 00:52:40,039 --> 00:52:42,840 Tell me! Guilt. 446 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:47,239 I look at you and I hate myself. 447 00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:51,599 I hate what I've done to you. The...epilepsy. 448 00:52:51,599 --> 00:52:57,559 You had a fit. You looked so broken... and I wanted to comfort you. 449 00:52:57,559 --> 00:53:02,639 I wanted to make it all right, so I screwed you. And now... But it was an accident. 450 00:53:02,639 --> 00:53:06,840 I was walking backwards into the road. No. Yes! 451 00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:10,960 No. It was an accident. You said. It has to be. 452 00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:14,000 It was an accident! Listen to me, 453 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:18,719 just before it happened, I had a row with my boyfriend - 454 00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:23,440 in the car, on the phone, both of us shouting. 455 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:29,000 He hates my job, because I have to flirt. I told him it means nothing. 456 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:35,280 He said if I didn't give up my job, we're not getting married. So I did this thing... 457 00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:40,760 this stupid thing, because I was so mad at him - I throw his ring away, 458 00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:43,159 our engagement ring. 459 00:53:43,159 --> 00:53:45,719 £30,000 down the drain. 460 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:54,679 You know what I mean? What I'm saying? £30,000 washed down the sewers like that. 461 00:53:54,679 --> 00:53:57,440 That's the state I was in. 462 00:53:57,440 --> 00:54:00,159 That's the kind of shit I am. 463 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:06,719 So, I went back to my car, driving anywhere, nowhere, just driving. 464 00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:13,519 And when I came around that bend, I didn't see you, because I was crying. 465 00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,760 I was already crying. 466 00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:20,239 Because I love him. 467 00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:27,159 All of this happened because I love HIM. 468 00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:30,320 Kev! 469 00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:33,559 Kev! 470 00:56:38,159 --> 00:56:40,519 Where are you going? 471 00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:26,599 Colin Wilkes? 472 00:57:26,599 --> 00:57:29,519 Yeah, that's me. 473 00:57:29,519 --> 00:57:34,039 DS Hughes. DC Morgan. We're looking for your brother, Mark. 474 00:57:34,039 --> 00:57:37,000 There's been a serious assault at Mark's home. 475 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,079 Jesus, what did he do to him? 476 00:57:39,079 --> 00:57:43,079 Did you want to hit him? Of course I soddin' did! 477 00:57:43,079 --> 00:57:48,599 You wanna know what I did to your shitty little brother?! Now, you CLEAR that up! 478 00:57:48,599 --> 00:57:52,199 It was me. I wanna confess. 479 00:57:52,199 --> 00:57:54,599 This won't help your brother. 480 00:57:54,599 --> 00:57:57,320 Colin, why are you doing this? 481 00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:58,719 I bloody did it! 482 00:57:58,719 --> 00:58:03,159 GBH with intent means ten years in prison, possibly life. 483 00:58:03,159 --> 00:58:06,000 Christ, stop it! 484 00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,559 Stop it! It's OK.