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This series looks at life in
one of Britain's busiest airports.

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00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:08,710
On today's show - Peter and
Judith demand their money back.

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What would Jesus do
in this situation?

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Jesus?

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Jesus would give us a full refund.

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Melody explains why
she should be promoted.

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If you work at check-in you really
do need to be a people person.

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I am very good with people
because I am myself a person.

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00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:28,560
And there's some last-minute
holiday advice from Taaj.

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If you haven't got Sky Plus in your
hotel, you don't want to go at all.

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If you have, just stay at home and
watch Sky Plus. It's better, innit?

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It's 8am, and over at the FlyLo desks
it's check-in manager Helen's last day.

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But competition for her position

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has caused tension between
best friends Melody and Keeley.

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Next, please.

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And Melody has chosen
the worst possible day to be late.

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Melody, you were
two hours late this morning.

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Yeah, I'm sorry,
Helen, I just...

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It's not going to count against her
for promotion, is it? I really hope not.

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No, I don't think it will.

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Melody, I really, really hope it
doesn't count against you for promotion.

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Thanks.

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Meanwhile, in departures,

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these FlyLo passengers
are also having a bad day.

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They can't find the right gate
for their flight to Greece.

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Fortunately,
Taaj is on hand to help.

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- Excuse me, mate?
- Yes, boss?

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Which gate's the
flight to Athens?

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Can I see your
boarding pass, please?

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Yeah, it's already taken off, mate.

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What do you mean? It's not supposed
to leave for another hour.

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Yeah, but it left early.

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What's the point of it leaving early?

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Well you see the thing is,
FlyLo have had a lot of

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complaints recently because some
of their flights has been delayed,

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so we're trying to get some
other ones away early

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in order to redress
the balance, isn't it?

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Was anyone on the flight?

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Yeah, the pilot, the co-pilot
and one of the stewards.

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Anyone else?

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No, I think that was it.

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You can't please some people.

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First they is moaning that
the flights is late,

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now they is moaning that
the flights is early. You can't win.

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It's 10am, and in international
arrivals the airport paparazzi

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are reflecting on what may turn out
to be a career-ending incident.

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I'll tell you what happened.

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He's not allowed to take
photos here no more.

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He's been a naughty boy, ain't ya?

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It was an accident.

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He done the old up-the-skirt shot
on Dame Judi Dench.

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What happened was was,
Dame Judi come through,

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I tripped, fell to the floor,
camera went off in me hand.

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And it was an accident, was it?

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I swear on my mother's life.

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God rest her soul.

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Next thing I know, front page of
the Daily Star...Dame Judi's drawers.

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Dame Judi done a complaint and
that's that, licence took off me.

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He'll never work again.

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A few minutes later,

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Mickey is back at work when Buster
spots an incoming celebrity.

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Look, it's that woman
from Big Brother.

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Hello, Professor Greer,
lovely to see you again.

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Nice holiday?

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- It was a lecture tour actually,
- Oh, all sounds very intellectual.

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Mind if I take a quick snap?
Won't take a mo.

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Get a sexy one.

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Yeah, all right.

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Get her to look over
her shoulder, like this.

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Shut up!

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- Get her to show a bit of leg.
- Buster!

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Do you always
talk to women like that?

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What are you, one of these feminists?

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Well, as a matter of fact I am,
and you are a revolting man.

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Well, you're not going to sell
THOSE to Nuts Magazine.

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- You've ruined that!
- I was trying to help.

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You're not helping at all.
You're in the way!

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- What am I meant to do?
- I don't care!

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You're not allowed to take pictures
any more, are ya? Just...get lost!

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Amateur!

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Pervert!

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Our Lady Air runs a Steward
of the Year competition.

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And Fearghal is going
all out to win it.

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It's all part of the
service there, sir,

85
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and I can really style it
for you if you like.

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There's a way that Justin Bieber
does it that he really likes.

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If you want to be number one,
you've got to realise

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that there's more to this job
than just handing out hot towels.

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You've got to be a nurse, you've
got to be a children's entertainer,

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you've got to be a...travel guide,
you've got to be a counsellor,

91
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you've got to be a midwife,
you've got to be an interpreter,

92
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you've got to be a
hedge fund manager,

93
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you've got to be a pig breeder,
you've got to be a toilet cleaner,

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you've got to be a holy man,
but most of all...

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you've got to be a friend.

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Oh, and you're also expected to
give hand relief to the pilot.

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I've got a crying child,
row 37. Crying child.

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I always try and do my best
for passengers anyway,

99
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but if you wanna win
Steward of the Year

100
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it does really help if you've
done something brave or heroic.

101
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Like last year's winner,
Seamus O'Shaughnessy,

102
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he delivered a baby on board.

103
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So, fingers crossed,

104
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one of my passengers will have
a heart attack or something.

105
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Hot nuts? Hot nuts? Hot nuts?

106
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No, thank you. I'm allergic.

107
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- Really?
- Yes, I can't go anywhere near them.

108
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And, er, what would happen
if you were to have a nut?

109
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Well, my throat would swell up
and I'd be unable to breathe.

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In fact, I have to carry one of these
EpiPens so people can inject me.

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Really?

112
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Hmm...

113
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Can you move out the way
please, madam? OK, sir.

114
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Moments later, a passenger has been
taken seriously ill on Fearghal's flight

115
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and the plane has been forced
to make an emergency landing.

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OK, what's your name, sir?
Your name? Just call...

117
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We'll just call him Mr Nuts.
He's called Mr Nuts, OK?

118
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'Something very dramatic
just happened.'

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One of the passengers on board
has a severe allergy to nuts

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and he fell asleep

121
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and somehow a handful of
hot nuts fell into his mouth.

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Fortunately I was on hand to
administer a life-saving injection.

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He's gonna be OK.
He's gonna be OK!

124
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He's gonna be OK.

125
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Did you get that?

126
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Some passengers are
calling me a hero.

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Not the man himself, he's still
drifting in and out of consciousness,

128
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but I just did what any
good steward would do. OK?

129
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You know, I don't need an
award for saving a man's life.

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Just doing a good deed
is an award in itself.

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Having said that, obviously,

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if they did offer me an award,
I would turn up and accept it.

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Back at FlyLo, Helen is
saying her final farewells.

134
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Well...this is it, then.

135
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I've, erm, really enjoyed
working with you girls.

136
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So I've just come to say goodbye.

137
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Bye.

138
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I'll text you
when I've had the baby.

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If you want.

140
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And I'll e-mail you pictures
of the baby if you like.

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Yes...don't worry.

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See you, then.

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Have a good baby.

144
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Helen! I hope you manage
to lose all the baby weight!

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She won't.

146
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:26,360
Over 80 million pieces of luggage
pass through the airport every year.

147
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It's the job of Customs Officer
Steve Downes and his dog Bobo

148
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to ensure none of
them contain drugs.

149
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Come on, it's just a camera.

150
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My training method's very simple.

151
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I teach the dog to sniff out
illegal substances

152
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and I give him
a little bit as a reward.

153
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All right? There you go. Good lad.

154
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Good lad. That was just a
little slither of crack there.

155
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Do you want some more? Course you do.

156
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I started working with dogs in the
armed forces, in the Bomb Disposal Unit.

157
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I served in Afghanistan.

158
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My job was to train
the dogs to sniff out bombs.

159
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Same principle: the dog
would find the bomb,

160
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I would give the dog the bomb
to play with as a reward.

161
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I'm glad I got out when I did,
though. I...saw some terrible things.

162
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I saw Jim Davidson live,

163
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:17,320
I saw James Blunt do an acoustic set
at the base in Helmand Province,

164
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in which he sang Beautiful twice,

165
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and...I think perhaps worst of all...

166
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I saw Ross Kemp take a shower.

167
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Still have nightmares about that.

168
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,920
I've had a number of
canine companions over the years.

169
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This is my first one, Princess.
Excellent sniffer dog.

170
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But she ended up sniffing cocaine and
couldn't stop. She's now in rehab.

171
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This is Pickles. Pickles
developed a taste for cannabis.

172
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Always had the munchies.

173
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The weight ballooned.

174
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Now she has to be carted around
in a wheelbarrow. Very sad.

175
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This is Molly. Top sniffer dog,
but...heroin.

176
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First she started smoking it,
then injecting it.

177
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Last I heard she was
selling her body to get drugs.

178
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Muffin. LSD,
thought she could fly. Splat.

179
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,880
We have a joke amongst
some of the lads here.

180
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"My dog's got no nose."
"How does he smell?"

181
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,720
"Well, unfortunately, he can't smell,

182
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,920
"because he's sniffed so
many drugs over the years

183
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,920
"that he's pretty much obliterated
the entire olfactory system.

184
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,720
"His septum has
practically dissolved.

185
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:21,000
"We're going to have to early
retirement, see if a farm will take him,

186
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,720
"and, if they won't, we'll just
probably have him put down."

187
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:28,020
It's 11:30, and at the
France Airways check-in

188
00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:31,080
two passengers are
becoming very angry.

189
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,160
Obviously we are not going to
wield the swords on the plane!

190
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,760
- We are from the BMBRS!
- The what?

191
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,360
The British Medieval
Battle Re-enactment Society.

192
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,000
You are not allowed to take
dangerous weapons onto the plane.

193
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,600
Yes, but we need to get
the swords to Paris

194
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,800
because we are re-enacting the
battle of Agincourt on Wednesday.

195
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,680
- These items are forbidden.
- This is racism, isn't it?

196
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,640
- Excuse me?
- We beat you at Agincourt.

197
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:54,140
Approximately 9,000 of our men defeated
approximately 36,000 of yours.

198
00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:55,040
I don't understand.

199
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,000
Battle of Agincourt?
1415?, Henry Five?

200
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,920
I imagine they didn't teach
you about that at your "Ecole".

201
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,680
One of the many glorious
English victories over the French.

202
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,280
Cry God for Harry,
England and St George.

203
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,280
I'm sorry?

204
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,380
I told you France Airways was a
mistake, Peasant Swordsman Gavin.

205
00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:09,560
You DID want me to
use my Nectar points.

206
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,460
Listen, wench, will you let us
on board with the swords or not?

207
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,560
Non!

208
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:16,440
What if we do that thing where we
wrap them in lots and lots and lots

209
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,140
and lots and lots and lots and lots
and lots and lots of cling film?

210
00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:20,200
Non.

211
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,480
What are we meant to do,
leave them here?

212
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,020
Perhaps you have
a wife or girlfriend

213
00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:26,120
who could come and
pick them up for you?

214
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,640
Look at us, we obviously
do not have wives or girlfriends.

215
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,040
There are other people here. Would
you like me to check you in or not?

216
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,750
We cannot accurately recreate
the battle of Agincourt

217
00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:37,960
without authentic weaponry!!

218
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,040
I'm sorry.

219
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,520
I cannot help you.

220
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,560
Fine. Have it your way.

221
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,750
But next time the Germans invade your
country and you immediately surrender

222
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,920
don't expect us to help you out.

223
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,560
Good day.

224
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:55,920
'The whole thing is absurd,
it's patently absurd.

225
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,880
'I mean, a sword is only a dangerous
weapon in the wrong hands.'

226
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,440
Un moment, s'il vous plait.

227
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,560
Just forgot our swords.

228
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,720
'I've been re-enacting for 14 years.'

229
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,420
I've taken part in
hundreds of battles,

230
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:11,600
and in that time I've only
accidentally killed two people.

231
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:12,400
What about Trevor?

232
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:16,120
Well...he died three weeks
later in hospital.

233
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,760
I don't feel I can be
held accountable for that.

234
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,440
Meanwhile, in baggage handling,

235
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,680
John and Terry are
enjoying a well-earned rest.

236
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:30,400
I've been working here so long I've
developed a sort of sixth sense.

237
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,480
I have! I can just look
at a piece of luggage

238
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:35,480
and tell you exactly what
sort of person owns it.

239
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,400
- Can't I, boy?
- Not really, Dad.

240
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,360
Yeah. Like, watch this, right.

241
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:43,360
See this one? I reckon that bag
belongs to...a man.

242
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,040
Check the label.

243
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,760
- "Barry Edwards."
- See?

244
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:53,000
Or...this one, I would say, belongs
to a woman. Check the label.

245
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,440
- "Susan Williams."
- See, I'm good, ain't I?

246
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,880
- Yeah, amazing, Dad.
- Yeah, or this one here.

247
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:04,000
Very interesting. I would say that
belongs to someone who likes golf.

248
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,560
Yeah, a fan of the sport golf.

249
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,760
Someone who enjoys watching it
or playing it. Check the label.

250
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,760
- "Nick Faldo."
- See, it's a gift.

251
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,320
Yeah, are we done yet, Dad?

252
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,880
No, no, boy, I'm on a roll,
I'm on a roll. Here we go.

253
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:20,880
Yeah, now, this belongs to either
a little girl or a midget queer.

254
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,760
"Frances Banks."

255
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,400
We'll never know.

256
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:28,240
It's midday, and rumours about
who's going to get the promotion

257
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,080
are buzzing round
the FlyLo check-in desk.

258
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,280
We still don't know which one of us
is going to be check-in manager.

259
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,200
- I do.
- What?

260
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,040
I've been told.

261
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,620
What have you been told?

262
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,160
I've been told who's got it,
but I've been asked as a courtesy

263
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:48,320
to wait until it's officially announced
at 5 o'clock, and I can celebrate then.

264
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,840
Ian Foot has been Chief Immigration
Officer at the airport for ten years

265
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,800
and in that time he's seen
a lot of changes.

266
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,960
Unfortunately, in this day and age,
you have to be as careful

267
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:03,560
with the people that work in the
airport as those who are arriving,

268
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,600
so I do spot checks on the staff.

269
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,700
I select them at random,
bring them in,

270
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:11,600
go through their documentation,
ask them a few questions.

271
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,000
Well, when I say "at random",

272
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,100
it's only actually
the black and brown ones.

273
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,560
I don't bother with
the yellow people.

274
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,360
I find the yellow people
no trouble at all.

275
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,840
Very meek.

276
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,440
Right, can I see your passport?

277
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:26,060
This afternoon,

278
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:30,360
it's the turn of FlyLo Ground Crew
member Taaj to be interviewed.

279
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,060
This is a British passport.
You're obviously not British.

280
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:33,200
Yeah, I am.

281
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:37,200
Well, we'll see about that,
"Taaj Mansour". Ha.

282
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,240
Right, where were you born?

283
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,440
Bradford.

284
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,080
All right, where
were you parents born?

285
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,160
Oh, sorry. Sheffield.

286
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,640
All right, where were their
parents originally from?

287
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:47,640
Pakistan.

288
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,840
Pakistan! We're getting somewhere.

289
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,640
Right, so if there was a cricket
match between England and Pakistan,

290
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:54,880
who would you support?

291
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,080
- I don't like cricket.
- Well, which sports do you like?

292
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,320
- BMX.
- Anything else?

293
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,040
Cage-fighting, man!
I love cage-fighting, man.

294
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,720
Did you see it on Saturday on Sky?
There was this wicked fight, right,

295
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:10,600
because this one guy was being really
cheeky, he was giving it all of that.

296
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,500
But like the other guy came in
and mashed up his face, man!

297
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:15,360
It was like a plate of meat at
the end of it, man. It was crazy.

298
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,360
All right, so, if
there was a cage fight

299
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,960
between an Englishman
and a Pakistanian,

300
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,480
whose face would you
like to see mashed up?

301
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,080
But there isn't any cage fighters
from Pakistan, isn't it?

302
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,640
I think there's one from the Wirral.
Called something like Strange Reg.

303
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,240
OK, how many times a week,
on average, do you eat curry?

304
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,640
Oh, no, I don't like curry.

305
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,840
No, I prefer English food,
you get me, like pizza or Chinese.

306
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,760
What is your chosen faith?

307
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:45,640
I would have to say George Michael's
version probably still the best.

308
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:50,160
Final question. Do you have
a connection to Al-Qaeda?

309
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,760
Never met the guy.

310
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,080
Oh, no, that name does ring a bell.

311
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:55,999
Yes?

312
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,040
I think he's one of
my friends on Facebook.

313
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,720
- Is you on Facebook?
- Yes, I am on Facebook.

314
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,520
Tell me your name, man,
I'll come along and poke you.

315
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,600
I don't want to be poked
by people like you.

316
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,400
I'm British, I'm proud of it,
you get me?

317
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,760
That guy should not even
be in that job.

318
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,520
He has a racist agenda, which in this
day and age is totally unacceptable.

319
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,960
Still at least it got me off work
for half an hour, though, isn't it?

320
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,320
Oh, he called me a racist, did he?

321
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,920
Well, that in itself...
is anti-white, right?

322
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,800
As far as I'm concerned,
he poses a very real threat,

323
00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:32,760
and as such I'm going
to mark his file Code Red

324
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,300
and add his name to a list of people

325
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:38,000
I feel threaten the
security of this country.

326
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,320
Also on the list are
Hardeep Singh Kohli...

327
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,600
Mark Ramprakash...

328
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,840
and Konnie Huq.

329
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,460
It's proving to be another long day for
FlyLo owner Omar Baba,

330
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:55,760
who's all over the
front pages again.

331
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,280
Serious allegations of sexual
harassment have hit the front pages,

332
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,760
with several FlyLo employees going
on record with their complaints.

333
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,920
Mr Baba did not physically touch me

334
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:09,120
but he did once make a verbal
comment that I had very nice breasts

335
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:14,520
and that he would like to
put his head between them
and go like this - "Errrrrrrr."

336
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,080
I felt that was inappropriate.

337
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,080
Mr Baba did not physically touch me

338
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,720
but he did once make a verbal
comment that I had very nice breasts

339
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:28,600
and that he would like
to put his head between them
and go like this - "Bwwwwwwww."

340
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,720
I felt this was inappropriate.

341
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,800
Mr Baba did not physically touch me

342
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,520
but he did once make a verbal comment
that I had very nice breasts

343
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,960
and that he would like to put his
head between them and go like this...

344
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,200
You get me?

345
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,200
Omar badly needs a
public display of support,

346
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,680
but will any of his staff
be prepared to come to his rescue?

347
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:53,440
Well, I...I cannot have sexually
harassed EVERYBODY who works for me.

348
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,040
Find me my ugliest staff member.

349
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,800
FlyLo check-in, Keeley speakin'.

350
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:04,920
With the question of who's
going to be the new
check-in manager all but settled,

351
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:08,640
Keeley is suddenly called into
FlyLo's Head Office for a meeting.

352
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,520
Keeley St Clair,
here to meet Omar Baba.

353
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,840
- OK, take a seat.
- Thank you.

354
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,960
Is it just possible that
this story has one final twist?

355
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,760
Back down at the
Customer Service Desk...

356
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,080
Quickly, Peter.

357
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:26,720
..FlyLo's package holidays are
still proving unsatisfactory.

358
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,600
I would like to speak
to the manager, please.

359
00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:30,080
The manager's not here.

360
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,080
Well, then I would like to
speak to the assistant manager.

361
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:33,180
- He's on lunch.

362
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:35,360
Well then I'd like to speak to you.

363
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,000
Go ahead.

364
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,000
We have had, and it's not a
phrase I would often use,

365
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,320
the holiday from hell!

366
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:45,820
After last week's disaster, FlyLo
gave us two free tickets to Peru.

367
00:17:45,820 --> 00:17:47,760
So far, so good.

368
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,000
We were flying over the Andes...

369
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,800
I'm talking, you're talking.
We can't both be talking.

370
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:52,100
Sorry, Judith.

371
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:54,100
Apology accepted
on this occasion, Peter.

372
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:55,720
Thank you, Judith.

373
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,720
So, we were on the plane
flying over the Andes.

374
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:02,920
Now, the first disappointment was
there was no fresh milk. It was UHT.

375
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,120
And the second disappointment
was that the engines failed

376
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,120
and the plane crashed
into a mountain.

377
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,000
All the passengers huddled toge...

378
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,800
All the passengers huddled together
on the ice.

379
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,800
It was immediately apparent
that we were all very hungry.

380
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,800
So I suggested that we eat Peter.

381
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,300
- Not ALL of me.
- No, not all of you,

382
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:19,360
that would be unkind.

383
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:22,680
So I found a penknife
and hacked off Peter's leg.

384
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,960
As you can see,
I now sport a prosthetic limb.

385
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,960
Yes, stop feeling sorry
for yourself, Peter.

386
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,160
Right. Sorry, Judith.

387
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,040
So, I popped Peter's
leg on the barbeque

388
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:37,000
and at the same time rustled up some
simple but always popular dishes.

389
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,660
Coleslaw, a potato salad
and couscous,

390
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,660
which I do with
roasted vegetables.

391
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:42,700
It's one of Nigella's.

392
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,840
Now, Peter's leg was almost done
when the rescue helicopter arrived.

393
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,680
We'd only been
on the mountain for half an hour.

394
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:49,080
Unfortunately...

395
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,800
Unfortunately,
they couldn't save Peter's leg.

396
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,000
It had been cooked right through

397
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,080
and also had been dipped in
a garlic and herb marinade.

398
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,640
If I had to sum up the holiday in
one word I would say "disappointing".

399
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:06,040
And the real shame for me was that
the potato salad remained untouched.

400
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,920
Moses, Great British Air's
executive passenger liaison officer,

401
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:14,840
is meeting a VIP jetting in from
Los Angeles, the actress Anna Friel.

402
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:18,600
I'm a big fan of Miss Friel,
she's so beautiful and talented.

403
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,000
I loved her on stage in
Breakfast At Tiffany's.

404
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:23,800
And she was wonderful
in that shampoo ad.

405
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,880
And the thing about Miss Friel is -
she flies with us all the time -

406
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,270
it doesn't matter where she's
come from or how long the flight,

407
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,840
she always looks a million dollars.

408
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,400
If you'll pardon the pun.

409
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,600
Oh, here she is! Hello, Miss Friel.
Lovely to see you again.

410
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,160
Hello.

411
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,750
- Let me take those for you.
- Thank you.

412
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,860
How was the flight, did you get
some rest?

413
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:41,920
Yes, thanks.

414
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,840
There's just one thing,
I did lose an item on board.

415
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,240
- Oh, yes?
- Yeah, my, er, wig.

416
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,140
Oh. I didn't know you wore a wig.

417
00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:51,440
Yes, have done for years.
I'm as bald as a coot.

418
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,440
They've searched the plane?
It's not there?

419
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,580
No, they've looked everywhere.
They couldn't find it.

420
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:56,600
And you've looked in your bag,
it's not in there?

421
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,200
Nope.

422
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,500
I think you look very beautiful
without it, Miss Friel.

423
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,920
Thank you,but I really
would like to find it.

424
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,320
Yes, yes, of course. Well, obviously
this is quite a delicate matter

425
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,520
so what I'm going to do is
slip you into our first class lounge,

426
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,000
you'll have more privacy there.

427
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,480
Thanks.

428
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:15,160
Could we make room for Miss Anna
Friel, please?! She's lost her wig!

429
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,520
Stop staring at Anna Friel.

430
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,640
George is one of the airport's
longest-serving employees.

431
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,920
'I've been cleaning the toilets in
the airport for a number of years now.'

432
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,680
You get all sorts going on in here.

433
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,880
To be honest, when someone comes in
and actually does a poo,
it's a blessed relief.

434
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,840
'Cleaning toilets, it's not
my passion. No, my passion's opera.'

435
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,280
'I love it.
And people loves to hear it.'

436
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,400
'I say people loves to hear it...
I have had a lot of complaints.'

437
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,680
But then, you see,
opera's not for everyone.

438
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:13,000
It's 4:25, and Omar has called
a press conference at the airport,

439
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,080
so he can publicly refute the
allegations of sexual harassment.

440
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,760
Thank you all for coming here
and giving me chance

441
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:28,320
to deny these disgusting allegations
of sexual harassment against me.

442
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,000
And may I also say

443
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,920
how wonderful it is to see so many
beautiful ladies in the room.

444
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,560
Today, I will prove my innocence!

445
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,500
This lady here is
an employee of FlyLo.

446
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,320
- Hello.
- Please, do come.

447
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:52,200
Tell me, have I ever touched you
in an inappropriate way?

448
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,920
No, Omar, you have not.

449
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:59,440
And have I ever made lewd comment,
like... Give me paper.

450
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,680
.."What a beautiful
meaty bottom you have"?

451
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,680
Or, "May I tweak your left nipple?"

452
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,880
Or, "Please touch it,
I promise it won't take long"!

453
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,600
No, Omar, also you have not.

454
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,880
OK.

455
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:20,880
So I ask you this, what do you think
of these...allegations against me?

456
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,120
I think they are nonsense, Omar.

457
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,960
Proof!

458
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:31,120
And this from one of my most senior
employees. What is your job title?

459
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:33,000
Well, I was check-in assistant

460
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,680
but as of this afternoon
I am now check-in manager.

461
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,200
The check-in manager
herself has said it.

462
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,720
So, please, everybody,

463
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:45,720
take picture of happy boss
and happy staff member. OK?

464
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,600
It's half past five

465
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,000
and, over in the Great British Air
first class lounge,

466
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:10,440
Moses believes he may have found a
solution to Anna Friel's hairy situation.

467
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,340
How are you settling in,
Miss Friel, all right?

468
00:23:12,340 --> 00:23:13,600
Yep.

469
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,800
Have you been offered a small
glass of fresh orange juice

470
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,440
and a complimentary
browse of the Daily Mail?

471
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,480
- Yes, I have.
- Now, about the wig.

472
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,400
- It's...good and bad news.
- Right.

473
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,840
The bad news is,
they can't find your wig.

474
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,640
- Really?
- They've looked everywhere.

475
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,520
A thousand apologies.

476
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,320
The good news is that lost
property do have a box of wigs

477
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,160
that have been left
here over the years.

478
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,760
No-one's claimed them and
you're welcome to have one.

479
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,600
Well, I suppose
it's worth having a look.

480
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,680
Okey-dokey. Lets have a rummage,
if you pardon the pun.

481
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,480
Right, what have we got here?

482
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,400
Oh, yes, how about this one?

483
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,200
I'm known more as
a brunette really.

484
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,760
You're absolutely right, Miss Friel.

485
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,640
What else have we got? Oh, yes.

486
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,640
How about this one?
You be the judge.

487
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,240
"If you'll pardon the pun."
Ha-ha-ha-ha.

488
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,040
There's no pun there.

489
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,020
Can I be frank, Miss Friel?

490
00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:09,880
- Of course.
- It ages you.

491
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,480
Don't worry, we'll find something.

492
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:19,260
Several hours have passed since the
photographers had their argument,

493
00:24:19,260 --> 00:24:21,840
but Buster is still at the airport.

494
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,120
I've got nowhere else to go.

495
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:27,440
I've spent nearly every day
for the past 25 years with him.

496
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,360
This is my life,

497
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,320
and my life is with Mickey.

498
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,080
Mickey too is struggling
to cope on his own.

499
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,160
Don't seem right somehow,
being here on my own.

500
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,240
I miss him, course I do.

501
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,280
Mickey's a part of me.

502
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,680
He's the blood that
runs through my veins.

503
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,720
I feel like I've lost a limb.

504
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,000
It was never me, it was always we.

505
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,100
He's my rock.

506
00:24:55,100 --> 00:24:57,320
He's my coat in the winter.

507
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,920
He's the brown sauce on my sausage.

508
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,760
He's the sweetener in my tea.

509
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,640
He's a juicy ripe apple
on a summer's day.

510
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,080
He's my father, he's my son.

511
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,320
He's my brother,

512
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,840
he's my sister.

513
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,520
He's the reason
I get up in the morning.

514
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,320
He's simply...Buster.

515
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,160
If I had to sum him up in one word,
I'd say...

516
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,840
..Mickey.

517
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,120
Anyone sitting here?

518
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,120
No.

519
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,160
How's it going, then?

520
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,040
Fine.

521
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,600
Great. Never been better.

522
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,440
I miss ya.

523
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,200
I miss you too.

524
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:52,200
Well...what say we go
and take some photographs

525
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,840
of some celebrities
looking tired, then, eh?

526
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,720
Yeah!

527
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,000
Oh, no, you can't, can you,
because you're not allowed

528
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,540
to take photos any more, are you?

529
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:02,040
No. Mm.

530
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:05,600
But I can come and watch!

531
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,280
Yeah. Yeah.

532
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,000
It's 7pm, and Melody is digesting

533
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,520
the news of Keeley's
promotion to check-in manager.

534
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,240
Oh, it's a great feeling,
I'm dead made up.

535
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,480
I'm not surprised I got the job,

536
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,480
but I'm just glad they
gave it to me on merit.

537
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:29,880
Oh, so the fact that
you supported Omar

538
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,960
in his sexual harassment case
had nothing to do with it?

539
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,100
No. I think if anything
that counted against me.

540
00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:36,400
How do you work that out?

541
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,400
All right, Melody, I think you need
to get back to your desk,

542
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,720
there's some passengers
need checkin' in.

543
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:44,960
Quickly!

544
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,880
She can be very lax.

545
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,480
Less of the attitude, please.

546
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,520
It's the end of another
hard day's work,

547
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,720
but everyone will be back tomorrow.

548
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,800
The battle re-enactors realised

549
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:07,720
the utter futility of what they were
doing, and immediately stopped.

550
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,520
Bobo had a rather
unproductive shift.

551
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:14,600
All he sniffed out was a Jaffa Cake
and a copy of Jilly Cooper's Polo.

552
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,120
And Moses saved the day
for Anna Friel.

553
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,600
Miss Friel,
you've never looked lovelier.

554
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,440
- All right, bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.

555
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,880
Thank you.

556
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,200
Every inch a star.