1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,240 This is our final look at life in one of Britain's busiest airports. 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,640 On today's show, Taaj has to deal with some angry passengers. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,160 I've only got two sets of ears, isn't it? 4 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,840 Penny has to work in Economy. 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,320 OK, scum, duty-free time! Who wants booze and fags? 6 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,120 And Fearghal consoles a passenger with a birthday. 7 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,240 39. Oof! That is old. 8 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:27,200 I couldn't imagine being 39. It's like 102 in gay years. 9 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,640 It's 6am. 10 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,560 Thank you, Mr Levatu. Enjoy your flight. 11 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,600 And today is Keeley's first day as FlyLo Check-in Manager. 12 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,760 I need to buy a ticket to Guernsey, please. 13 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,360 - For today, sir? - 15.05? 14 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,880 Certainly, sir. 15 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,720 That will be ã283.67 exactly. 16 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,400 If you'd like to put your credit card in the slot. 17 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,640 Just put in your PIN number and there is your boarding pass. 18 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,600 - Thank you. - For your information, 19 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,320 all FlyLo flights to Guernsey have been suspended today due to industrial action. 20 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:29,640 Next, please. 21 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:34,960 Despite now being in charge, Keeley is having to man the desks on her own, 22 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,200 as all of her staff have walked out on strike. 23 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,520 A strike?! 24 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,080 And word soon reaches Head Office. 25 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,680 Well, what is the matter with these people? 26 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,400 I already pay them ã2 an hour! 27 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,960 Taaj has the unenviable task of having to tell disgruntled passengers 28 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:53,240 that no FlyLo planes are taking off today. 29 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,360 Everybody, quiet down! I've only got two sets of ears, isn't it? 30 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,720 What's happening with the flight to Marbella? 31 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,680 - It's cancelled. - And what about Lanzarote? 32 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,840 - Cancelled. - What about the flight to Majorca? 33 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,360 Cancelled. Because of the strike, all the flights is cancelled. 34 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,400 I'm here with my wife and kids. This is our holiday. 35 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,680 Thanks to you lot going on strike, you've ruined our holiday. 36 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:15,120 - No, boss, you ruined your holiday. - How do you work that one out? 37 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,320 Because you was a cheapskate and you booked with a crap airline, isn't it? 38 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,640 No! 39 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,440 I'm 100% behind this strike. They needs to pay us more money 40 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:27,240 because I'm still living at home with my parents, but I've got to move out 41 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,240 because, like, last night, I was watching Transformers 42 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:34,320 and I had it paused on the bit where Megan Fox is leaning over the car bonnet, 43 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,040 and my mum walked in and she saw it and it was fully erect. 44 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:40,400 Although the strike has grounded all FlyLo planes, 45 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,400 other airlines are operating as normal. 46 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,160 On this Great British Air flight to Florida, 47 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,240 Economy is packed, but First Class is deserted. 48 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,480 Well, it was going to be a quiet day anyway. 49 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,800 We only had two passengers booked into First Class 50 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:58,880 and the passengers in question have just cancelled, which is a dreadful shame. 51 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:05,680 - Hi, Penny. Did you get the message? - Yeah, such a pity they cancelled. 52 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,560 No, the message about helping us out in Economy? 53 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,680 Piss off! 54 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:15,000 Penny hasn't had to work in Economy for 20 years. 55 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,120 But today, she has no choice. 56 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,880 Ugh! 57 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,000 PENNY: When you draw back the curtain, the first thing that really hits you 58 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,280 is the stench, and it's the stench of the working man. 59 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,760 I mean, they're virtually like apes, you know. 60 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,800 So if you come at them with some food... 61 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:32,840 Arrrgh, arrrgh! 62 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,400 ..they start attacking you. 63 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,000 Hot towel? Hot towel? 64 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,160 - Hot towel? - I'm all right, thanks. 65 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,440 - No, you should take a hot towel. - I don't want it. 66 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,280 - No, you need to take it. - I told you, no. 67 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,160 Right...here. 68 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,280 Urgh! 69 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,160 Hot towel? 70 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,720 It's 10am, and back down on the ground, 71 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,560 the airport's flying school has a very nervous visitor. 72 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,400 Would you like to come in now, please? 73 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,400 Happy Burger employee Tommy is determined to follow his dream 74 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,520 - of becoming a pilot. - Take a seat. 75 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:11,800 And today, he has a make-or-break interview at the flying school. 76 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,040 Right...name? 77 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,120 - Tommy. - Tommy what? 78 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,720 Tommy Reid. 79 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:19,880 Age? 80 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,960 20... 81 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,400 - 20. - ..two. 82 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,880 22? 83 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,160 Aye. 84 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,320 Current occupation? 85 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,320 Burgers. 86 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,560 And what is your main responsibility? 87 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,200 Oh, buns. 88 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,560 Qualifications? Do you have any GCSEs? 89 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,800 Well, you see, we don't have GCSEs in Scotland. We just have Standards. 90 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,720 Oh, I'm sorry, do you have any Standards? 91 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,800 No. 92 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,840 Do you have any hobbies or interests? 93 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,280 - No. - Come on... 94 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,120 you must be able to think of something. 95 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,880 Oh... 96 00:04:58,880 --> 00:04:59,920 No. 97 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,960 Finally, do you have any medical conditions 98 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,280 that would prevent you from becoming a pilot? 99 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,480 Fear of flying. 100 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:13,880 I think it went really well. 101 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,920 In fact, I dinnae think it could have gone much better. 102 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,360 I wouldnae be surprised if they let me fly a plane tomorrow. 103 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,680 - Oh, did I get it? - I'm sorry? 104 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,120 - Did I get it? - We'll write to you. 105 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,960 Oh, no, don't do that. I cannae read. 106 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,320 Think I got it. 107 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:36,840 Meanwhile, Chief Immigration Officer Ian Foot is starting his shift. 108 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:38,360 There are increasing 109 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,280 numbers of people who want to come and live in this country, 110 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,680 and that's because, let's be frank, 111 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,360 it is the greatest country in the world. 112 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:51,920 So to stem the tide of immigrants, I stop anyone with a foreign-sounding name. 113 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,120 Like Wong or Patel... 114 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,720 or Murphy. 115 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,840 Today, Ian is interrogating a Polish man 116 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,760 who has just arrived on a flight from Warsaw. 117 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,360 Right, now the problem you have, Mr... 118 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:11,080 Dubrovsky, is I believe it is your plan to work here illegally. 119 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:15,000 - That is ridiculous. - Well, you say that, Mr... 120 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,840 Dubrovsky. 121 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:20,560 But there are increasing numbers of people in this country from Poland - 122 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,360 Poles, Polacks, benefit cheats, call them what you will, 123 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,640 who come over here, take our jobs and eat our cabbage. 124 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:30,160 - That is very offensive. - I tell you what is offensive, Mr... 125 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,800 Dubrovsky, is the floodgates being open to people like you. 126 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:37,640 How do I know your plan is not to work here illegally as a plumber 127 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,120 or a cleaner or a builder or a lap dancer? 128 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,840 Because I already have a job here. 129 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:45,040 During the day, maybe, Mr... 130 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,320 ..Dubrovsky. 131 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,720 But how do I know, in the evenings, 132 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,400 you're not going to be shaking your booty at Spearmint Rhino? 133 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,680 Because I am the Polish Ambassador to the United Kingdom. 134 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,920 What I'm going to do is I'm going to let you in this time 135 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,480 and I wish you a pleasant stay. 136 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,520 The way you've spoken about my countrymen is disgusting. 137 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:14,200 I'm going to make a formal complaint about you. What is your name? 138 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,840 Sheila Bennett. 139 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,360 I want to know the name of this gentleman who has just interviewed me. 140 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,920 His attitude was absolutely outrageous. 141 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,800 Many people who pass through the airport require extra attention. 142 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,280 And they are the responsibility of Corinne. 143 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,880 My job is to greet people coming off the aircraft 144 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,160 who have special needs. For example, today, 145 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,560 I'm meeting an elderly gentleman who's flying in from Saudi Arabia 146 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,760 who has mobility issues, and I'll be there to guide him through the airport, 147 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:53,160 passport control, baggage reclaim and into his taxi as smoothly as possible. 148 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,720 Corinne has worked at the airport for five years. 149 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,560 When I originally applied for this post, I was turned down. 150 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,040 But it went to an industrial tribunal and I was given the job. 151 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,640 But the airline now does have to employ someone to wheel me, 152 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,280 and that person is Bob. 153 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,560 I am Bob. 154 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,320 Some people have suggested that I shouldn't have this job. 155 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,400 But I say that those people are just being racist against disableds. 156 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,400 I'm actually glad to be taking part in this documentary 157 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:29,280 because if you think about it, how many disabled people are there on TV? 158 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:33,000 David Blunkett, Stephen Hawking, Piers Morgan. 159 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,000 Our Lady Air cabin crew member Fearghal is desperate 160 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,760 to win the Steward of the Year Competition. 161 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,840 But on today's flight to Barcelona, he's being less than attentive, 162 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,520 as he's waiting for the nominations to be announced. 163 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,080 Well, you're not supposed to have your phone on during the flight. 164 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,680 It can interfere with the aircraft's navigation system 165 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,360 and could cause the plane to crash, 166 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,040 but this is obviously a very important call. 167 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,760 TANNOY: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying Our Lady Air. 168 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,280 We're about to begin our descent so please fasten your seatbelts 169 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,800 and say three Hail Marys. 170 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,480 - Excuse me? - Yes? 171 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,200 We've only been in the air 40 minutes. We can't be landing in Barcelona yet. 172 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,480 No, we are. We're landing at Shannon, Barcelona. 173 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,920 - Shannon, Barcelona? - That's right. 174 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,040 But Shannon's in Ireland. 175 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,680 Yes, madam. In order to keep our fare prices competitive we do sometimes land 176 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,320 at airports a little further away from the city centre. 177 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,600 But we're landing in Ireland. That's nowhere near Barcelona. 178 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,920 Oh, no, don't worry. A short coach transfer to your final destination 179 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,840 is included in the price of your ticket. 180 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,920 Shannon to Rosslare, catch the ferry, down at Dover, 181 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,920 over to Calais, through France, across the Pyrenees and into Barcelona 182 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,120 - in time for your evening meal. - Which evening? 183 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,000 - Tuesday. - That's absolutely... 184 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,080 - Excuse me, can you watch your language, please, madam? - I'm just... 185 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,160 I don't want to have to use the restraints. 186 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,120 PHONE RINGS Cor! 187 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,400 Hello? Hello? 188 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,160 Hel...? 189 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,520 Can you turn the thrusters down? I can hardly hear! 190 00:09:58,520 --> 00:09:59,800 Thank you. 191 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,920 Yes? 192 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,080 Really? Well, that's fantastic news, thank you so much! 193 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,880 I'll see you there! 194 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,040 Yes! 195 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,160 - Excuse me? - Yes? 196 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,920 You're not allowed to use mobile phones on an aeroplane. I could report you for that. 197 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:17,440 Oh, really? Well, I've just been nominated for Steward Of The Year, 198 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,960 so shove that up your fat arse. 199 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,520 Shepherd's pie or mushroom risotto? 200 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,960 It's two hours into the flight to Florida, 201 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:30,440 and Penny is struggling to come to terms with her new environment. 202 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,960 Urgh, don't touch me! 203 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,960 The noise, the people. 204 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,720 There's only one word to describe them. Savages. 205 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,840 And I just poked my head in the lavatorium. 206 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,880 It's positively medieval in there. 207 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,800 Ladies and... People of cattle class, may I have your attention, please? 208 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,440 I have just returned from an inspection 209 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:55,320 of the on-board convenience, and one of you has left it in a revolting state. 210 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,400 Who didn't flush? Come on. Who didn't flush? 211 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,400 It was someone who had the mushroom risotto. 212 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,440 Hands up if you had the mushroom risotto. 213 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,880 PENNY: This whole frightful situation 214 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:10,880 would never occur in First Class. People in First Class don't forget to flush. 215 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,480 They're very diligent flushers. 216 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,320 And if they do, it doesn't matter 217 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:18,120 because their stools are perfectly formed and odour-free. 218 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,600 NARRATOR: It's midday, and back in the terminal the FlyLo strike 219 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,440 is causing knock-on problems for coffee-kiosk employee Precious, 220 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,160 who's having to close early. 221 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:28,800 PRECIOUS: We got the coffee, 222 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:32,160 we got the milk, we got the water, we got the fire, we got the sugar 223 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,240 and we got the sweetener for our fat friend 224 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,160 who is afflicted with the diabesity. 225 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,600 Praise be to Jesus, he died for our sins! 226 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,600 But today, we got no customer. 227 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,320 All them FlyLo staff is on strike. 228 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,520 Them folk just lazy, lazy, lazy. 229 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,800 They doesn't know what hard work is. 230 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:55,120 I've been working at this kiosk, day in, day out, for 20 year now, 231 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,080 and in that time, I sold over 100 cup of coffee. 232 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,200 But today, this airport just empty 233 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,720 so me got no option but to close early, which as you know, me hates to do. 234 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,920 Well, you know what they say. 235 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,120 Them low-cost airlines is the work of the Devil. 236 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,280 Corinthians, chapter 2, verses 10 to 11. 237 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,200 Closed! 238 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:23,600 NARRATOR: Over in Departures, Moses is collecting for charity. 239 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,880 MOSES: As you may know, I do 240 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,920 a lot of work behind the scenes for my charity, WishWings, 241 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,720 if you'll pardon the pun. 242 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:34,960 Basically, it's free flights for very ill children. 243 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,000 We take sick kids and we give them a break from being ill. 244 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,920 Well, I mean, they're still ill but they're on a plane. 245 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,920 And I'm very excited because I'm actually releasing 246 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:47,880 a charity single, which I'm hoping will be Christmas number one. 247 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:52,000 It's a cover of the West Life classic, Flying Without Wings. 248 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,680 And I've posted the video on YouTube. 249 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,200 So I'll just show you that. 250 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,800 (TUNELESSLY) # Everybody's looking for that something 251 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:08,160 ♪ One thing that makes it all complete 252 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:14,440 ♪ You'll find it in the strangest places 253 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:21,080 ♪ Places you never knew it could be... ♪ 254 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:25,000 I played all the instruments myself. 255 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,360 I don't like to blow my own trumpet but I did actually blow my own trumpet! 256 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:33,880 ♪ ..And it's like flying without wings 257 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,720 ♪ Cos you're my special thing 258 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:41,560 ♪ I'm flying without wings... ♪ 259 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,640 I love you, Moses. 260 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,800 I love you, child. 261 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:50,640 ♪ I'm flying without wings. ♪ 262 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,840 As you can see, it's already had seven hits 263 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,880 so it's something of an internet phenomenon. 264 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:05,040 Do I hope it brings my music to a wider audience? Yes. 265 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:09,120 Do I also hope it raises some money for sick children? Yeah. 266 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,560 That would be a bonus. 267 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,600 NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in Baggage Handling... 268 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,760 ..the strike is having an unexpected effect. 269 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,200 JOHN: I'm all for going 270 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,480 - on strike, me. - We don't work for FlyLo, Dad. 271 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:26,640 Yeah, but it's solidarity, though, innit, boy? With my FlyLo brothers. 272 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,840 What about all those cases from Lufthansa? 273 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,200 Nah! Point of principle. Won't touch 'em. 274 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,280 Right, I'm off. 275 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,560 - Where are you going? - I'm going home, boy! 276 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,880 Well, when you get home, can you do your washing-up? 277 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,560 Nah, mate. I'm on strike, aren't I? 278 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:49,560 It's lunchtime and the busy period for the airport pub, 279 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,880 - run by Ray and Anne Wilkins. - Me and the wife 280 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,720 used to run a lovely little country pub in Wiltshire, called The Yeoman's Rest. 281 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,760 - A lovely pub, wasn't it, Ray? - Yeah. 282 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,880 We used to live above it. 283 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,720 I'd do ploughman's during the week and then roast of a Sunday. 284 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:05,840 Beef, lamb or pork. 285 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,760 It's very different now. 286 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:11,720 Now, to get to work, we have to park the car three mile away and get on a monorail. 287 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,760 - Lamb was the most popular. - Yeah. 288 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,640 My dream is to turn this place into more of a local. 289 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,880 Hello, there! Usual, is it? 290 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,520 I've never been here before. 291 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,480 I'm hoping people will love the atmosphere so much, 292 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,520 they'll think, "Bugger the flight, I'm staying here." 293 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,880 You've tried everything, though, ain't you, Ray? 294 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,920 Karaoke, stand-up comedy, Friday-night disco, 295 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,480 badger-baiting. 296 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,720 RAY: The trouble is, the longest anyone has ever stayed here is 12 minutes. 297 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,240 - NARRATOR: Over at Happy Burger... - TOMMY: I've got it! 298 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,280 ..Tommy's received a letter from the flying school. 299 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,920 "Dear Tommy, 300 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,920 "thank you for your application. 301 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:59,600 "Unfortunately, you do not have the required...qualif... 302 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,040 "qauli...quali..." 303 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,880 - Qualifications. - "..qualitifications. 304 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,560 "We wish you luck in the future." 305 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,960 Sorry about that, Tommy. 306 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,360 Bad luck, Tommy. 307 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,680 TOMMY: That's it. Never going to be a pilot. 308 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,320 So I'm going to hand in my notice 309 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,760 cos the only reason I was working here was to help me become a pilot. 310 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,520 I actually live 400 miles away. 311 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:28,080 I have to get seven buses in every morning. 312 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,920 Some days the traffic's so bad that I just have to stay here overnight 313 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,920 and sleep on a bed of nuggets 314 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,800 and use, like, a bun as a pillow. 315 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,440 Back at the WishWings stall, there's an emergency. 316 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,040 Moses has collapsed and the airport's paramedics waste no time 317 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,320 in calling an ambulance. 318 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,160 The children! The children! How are the children?! 319 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,280 - Stay nice and relaxed. - I must help the children! 320 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,920 As his colleagues fear the worst, Moses is rushed to hospital. 321 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,760 (BLEEPING) 322 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,440 I don't think I'm going to make it. 323 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:08,360 All I care about is that my charity, WishWings, lives on. 324 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,880 If you'll pardon the pun. 325 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:14,440 And can you ask Elton John to sing at my funeral? 326 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,680 Or, if he's not available, Leona Lewis. 327 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:28,080 Over at Special Services, Corinne's helper Bob has hurt his back. 328 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:36,040 With the FlyLo strike in full flow, no-one is manning the sales desk. 329 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,680 Typical. 330 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,200 My first complaint is that there's no-one to complain to, 331 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,440 which, in itself, is a pretty serious complaint. 332 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:48,320 Secondly, we have had - and I'm not going to beat about the bush - 333 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,240 the holiday from hell. 334 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:54,160 After last week's catastrophe, FlyLo recommended 335 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,720 that we go to the little-known African island of Tubutu. 336 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:01,280 It wasn't long before the dark art of voodoo raised its ugly head. 337 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,800 Yes, thank you, Peter. 338 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,000 We landed at the airport and, within seconds, 339 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,520 we were kidnapped by a voodoo tribe. 340 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,120 I thought, "We didn't sign up for this excursion 341 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,240 "but, hey-ho, let's keep an open mind." 342 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,800 We were taken to the jungle... 343 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,640 All in good time, Peter. 344 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,960 We were taken to the jungle and tied to a tree. 345 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,360 In the process, they ripped my cagoule. 346 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,880 Night fell and the high priestess put a curse on Peter. 347 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,800 She then produced a voodoo doll and manipulated Peter 348 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,160 into impregnating all the young females of the tribe. 349 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,520 There were 17 in total, virgins. 350 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:37,160 There were 17 in total, all of them apparently virgins. 351 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,240 It was abhorrent for me to watch 352 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,680 and, if I know Peter, he would've found it deeply degrading. 353 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,200 I was banging away till dawn. 354 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,320 - Peter, don't be so crude! - Sorry, Judith. 355 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,600 He was rutting away till dawn. 356 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,960 Fortunately, after eight or nine hours, Peter was spent 357 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,600 and the high priestess very kindly gave us a lift back to the airport. 358 00:18:55,600 --> 00:19:00,560 I must say, for as long as I live, I would never go back there. 359 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,760 I would. 360 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:07,840 It's 5pm and Ian Foot is clearing out his office. 361 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,920 After a formal complaint by the Polish Ambassador, 362 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,880 he has been suspended on full pay. 363 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,880 I've come to expect this sort of thing. I was suspended a couple of years back. 364 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,640 A gentleman in a wheelchair came through border control. 365 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,560 He had a British passport but an American accent. 366 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:27,000 So I asked him to step aside... Well, wheel aside. 367 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,360 Turned out it was Professor Stephen Hawking. 368 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:34,240 But you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. 369 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,120 Or indeed adding butter and seasoning. 370 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:40,320 I bounced back from that and I'll bounce back from this. 371 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:46,480 What I'll probably do now is go home, open a tin of soup, see what's on TV, 372 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,920 and if I'm still feeling down this afternoon, I'll call a prostitute. 373 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,840 Not a Polish one. A British one, obviously. 374 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,480 Also heading home is Tommy, 375 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,800 who has just finished his final shift at Happy Burger 376 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,760 and is bidding a fond farewell to the airport. 377 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,760 Why haven't you got any clothes on, Tommy? 378 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,240 Eh? I had to give the uniform back. 379 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:13,360 Thing is, my foster mother always told me that if I didnae make it as a pilot, 380 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:16,000 it was important to have something to fall back on. 381 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,760 So I'm going to apply to become a spaceman. 382 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,040 Thank you very much, sir. 383 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,360 It's been three hours since Moses was rushed to hospital. 384 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:38,520 But to everyone's surprise, he's back at his stall. 385 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,520 What happened was I blew too hard on a balloon, and I fainted. 386 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,200 I think it's ironic that this happened while I was helping others. 387 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,640 Maybe sometimes I give too much. 388 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,800 Anyway, at the hospital, I had a lot of test and scans, 389 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:55,800 and the doctor said that from now on, I'm going to have to use one of these. 390 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,960 And even that's quite strenuous. 391 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,880 It's seven o'clock, and with the strike now crippling all FlyLo services, 392 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:12,160 Omar Baba decides to tackle the ringleaders face to face. 393 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,760 Boy! Come! 394 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,400 Because FlyLo doesn't pay us enough, isn't it? Yeah, yeah? 395 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,440 Because we is working too many hours, isn't it? Yeah, yeah? 396 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,440 We need to confront this Omar Baba 397 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:29,240 and we need to tell him that we is not going to take it any more. You get me? 398 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,880 - Yeah? You get me? - (SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT) 399 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,840 Yeah? You get me? Yeah? You get me? Oh...um...oh... 400 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:40,400 - Hello, Mr Baba. - Please...carry on. 401 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,120 Hmm? 402 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:46,360 Oh, no, I wasn't doing anything. I was just listening to, um, some other people. 403 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:50,640 In fact...in fact, it was her. She's actually quite a shit-stirrer. 404 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,160 Please...be seated. 405 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,160 I am a humble man. 406 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,080 When I started this airline, all I had was a dream... 407 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:09,200 and ã3.2 billion my father gave me. 408 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:13,240 And now FlyLo is the UK's seventh favourite... 409 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,040 Eighth! 410 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,800 ..eighth favourite low-cost airline. 411 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:23,120 To me, FlyLo is a family, 412 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,920 and you are my children. 413 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,920 I know you all by name... 414 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,720 Pet-e. 415 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,960 Jane-et. 416 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:37,520 And, ah, my oldest friend, Trainee. (CHUCKLES) 417 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:41,840 How many times have we laughed together about the low-cost airline business, huh? 418 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,320 (CHUCKLES) 419 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,480 Ew. 420 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,040 We are family. 421 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:47,800 We must pull together. 422 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,680 What is 18-hour shift between family, huh? 423 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:52,800 (MURMURING) 424 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,080 What is inadequate toilet facilities between family? 425 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,360 ALL: Yeah! 426 00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:00,800 What is highly flammable uniforms between family? 427 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,560 - ALL: Yeah! - Come on, be a family... 428 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,520 and go back to work. 429 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:12,800 OK! 430 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,520 First thing tomorrow, have them all fired. 431 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:16,680 Yes, sir. 432 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,120 The big night has arrived, 433 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:22,840 and Fearghal is about to find out if he's been named Steward of the Year. 434 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,400 - Good luck, Fearghal. - Thank you. 435 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,200 So, I get a call from my agent, who said, 436 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,480 "Dale, would you present the Steward of the Year awards?" 437 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:34,080 And I thought, "A room full of trolley dollies? 438 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,760 "Too camp for me. No, thank you!" 439 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,000 - (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) - That's good, a good gay joke. 440 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,640 Now, I know you have all been going wild in the aisles 441 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,160 just to get your hands on this... 442 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,840 - AUDIENCE: Ooh! - ..the fabulous golden trolley. 443 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,960 So, here are your nominations. 444 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,680 - Mary O'Mara... - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 445 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:55,480 ..Seamus O'Shaughnessy, Larry O'Leary, 446 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,640 - Denise O'Donaghey... - (CHEERING) 447 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:00,960 - ..and Fearghal O'Farrell. - Whoo! 448 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,600 (SCATTERED APPLAUSE) 449 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,040 I haven't been this excited since Boots did a two-for-one on Fake Bake. 450 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,360 (LAUGHTER) 451 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,080 The winner is... 452 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,000 - ..Fearghal O'Farrell... - Yes! 453 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,040 Oh, thank you, God! 454 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,200 ..and Mary O'Mara! 455 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,840 - (CHEERING AND WHISTLING) - What? 456 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:22,160 The judges have decided that this year it will be shared, which is wonderful, 457 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,640 so Fearghal and Mary, come and join me! 458 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,840 Well done. Congratulations. 459 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,800 Oh, my God! Thank you so much for this award. 460 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,960 You know what, I think it's great that it's being shared, 461 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,720 because being cabin crew is all about teamwork. 462 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,840 I just want to say thank you, guys, and I share this with you. 463 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,360 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 464 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,920 Bullshit. 465 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,320 (MURMURING) 466 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,200 There's no way I'm sharing this award with her. 467 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,680 I scored 100% in those customer satisfaction forms. 468 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,160 I know, because I filled in every one myself. 469 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,200 I force-fed nuts to a man with a nut allergy and then saved his life, 470 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,080 and I slept with the chairman of Our Lady Air. 471 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,040 I'm having this. Thank you and good night. 472 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,400 What's got into her(?) 473 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,080 - Gay orange turd. - (SILENCE) 474 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:13,840 Yeah, I really enjoyed the evening. 475 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,520 The meal was very nice. It was good seeing Dale again. 476 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:17,840 Had a wee bit of banter! 477 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:22,360 I used to really respect you till you did those adverts for Cash My Gold. 478 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,960 Dale Winton, you've destroyed your legacy! 479 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,920 And, of course, it was amazing to win the award. 480 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,440 It's just a shame I ended up getting fired, 481 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,200 and my career in the aviation industry is now in tatters. 482 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,760 Question 41... 483 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,480 At the pub, Ray has decided to host a quiz 484 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,440 in a last-ditch effort to keep his customers for more than six minutes. 485 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,080 ..played his sidekick, George Carter? 486 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,480 Don't shout it out, just write it down. 487 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,080 - Question 42... - TANNOY: Final call for passengers... 488 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,840 How many darts championships has Eric Bristow won? 489 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,000 TANNOY: ..passengers for Amsterdam... 490 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,320 Question 43. 491 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:03,720 Cockney duo Chas and Dave had four top-10 hits. 492 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,360 Can you name them? 493 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,400 - TANNOY: ..flight to Barcelona... - Come back here. 494 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,720 - Ray! - Where are you going? 495 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:09,880 Ray, leave it! 496 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,880 What nickname was given to the former England cricket captain Ian Botham? 497 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,440 - Get off me, woman. - Ray, they've got a plane to catch. 498 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,040 Which popular Irish broadcaster was the first presenter 499 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,240 of the BBC One quiz show Blankety Blank? 500 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,200 Who played Aunt Sally in Worzel Gummidge? 501 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,680 How many years has EastEnders been running? 502 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:27,760 Ray! 503 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,120 Who wrote the Daily Mail cartoon strip, Fred Basset? 504 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:31,480 Ray! 505 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,400 Which Carry On regular starred in Bless This House? 506 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:35,840 Ray! 507 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:40,120 Who played Vera Duckworth in Coronation Street? 508 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:45,280 Which celebrity hairdresser married '60s songstress, Lulu? 509 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:50,600 (GASPING) Which female tennis star famously dated Sir Cliff Richard? 510 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,280 I think that went very well. 511 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,800 Night falls, and our series draws to a close... 512 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,680 ...but life goes on at the airport. 513 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:12,680 Over at Special Services, things went from bad to worse... 514 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:18,000 ..Peter returned to Tubutu...alone... 515 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,800 and Omar replaced his entire workforce with Vietnamese children. 516 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,120 Hello, sir. 517 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,240 Enjoy your flight. Next, please.