One, two, three, four!
'In November 1982, a new young team of comedians called the Comic Strip
'appeared on our television screens for the first time
'with their film Five Go Mad In Dorset.
'The Comic Strip launched the careers of many now-famous names
'including Ade Edmondson, Jennifer Saunders,
'Dawn French, Peter Richardson,
'Robbie Coltrane, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer,
'Keith Allen and Alexei Sayle.
'For the next two hours, the Comic Strip take you through their award-winning films
'with unseen footage from the last 30 years.
'Films like The Strike,
'A Fistful Of Travellers' Cheques, Bad News, The Hunt For Tony Blair,
'and now their latest film for Gold, Five Go To Rehab.
'We start with the group's first appearance on British television
'with Five Go Mad In Dorset.'
They must have come out of a secret entrance in the wall down there.
I think I found it. Hurrah!
I say, George. You're pretty spunky for a girl. Thanks, Dick.
Oh, blow! It won't open! Perhaps there's a secret mechanism.
Of course! How silly of us not to have thought of that.
I say, Dick. Try bending that branch three times.
CREAKING
Hurrah!
I thought they ruined the genre for me.
Huge fan of those books.
I thought it was a bit silly.
I don't think they took it very seriously, as if it was a bit of a joke.
'It was the first of over 40 Comic Strip films and won the Press Award for Best Comedy.
'It was a controversial send-up of the much loved Enid Blyton books
'featuring the Famous Five.
'This was followed by...'
The great thing about the Comic Strip
is that Nigel Planer and Keith and Rik and Ade
and Dawn and Jenny and Robbie all came together and did these things.
And it was a real lesson to all the comedians like me who came after,
NEVER to do an ensemble.
WOMAN LAUGHS
It's super to be back on hols, Aunt Fanny!
Timmy! You're just as licky as ever!
My word! Haven't you all grown?
We got a call at the 11th hour, the day before we were due to go on air
from the publishers.
There was a build-up for months that I do remember,
in which the Enid Blyton estate tried to prevent us making the film.
There was Enid Blyton's niece, somebody from the publishers,
there was a barrister and two solicitors.
I said, "The first night of Channel 4 and I'm going to get the sack. That's a good start(!)"
Where's young Toby got to? He's been kidnapped. Typical!
'As it progressed, one of the solicitors,'
a youngish woman, she had her papers
and at one point, I saw she'd lifted the papers up and I could...
LAUGHING: They just started shaking!
And when we got to Timmy who was so licky, she completely lost it.
'So they all started laughing.'
GEORGE: Oh, Timmy! You're so licky!
ANNE: You shouldn't let him do that, George, it's not hygienic. But we like it, don't we, Timmy?
JULIAN: Come on, girls. Leave Timmy alone. Lights out.
'The pride I had in Five Go Mad In Dorset being on the first night was this,'
what you guys were doing was appealing to younger audiences,
audiences whose tastes had scarcely been catered for.
If you look at it now, it seems like,
to an extent, classic television satire, but people didn't do that in those days.
'There they were, sending up this backbone of British culture,
'Enid Blyton, in the most hilarious way.'
..heaps of tomatoes, fresh lettuce and lashings of ginger beer.
This is the kind of holiday I like. Not too much adventure.
Enid Blyton was not Saddam Hussein,
but all the class assumptions that were underneath Enid Blyton
were brought to the fore in the Comic Strip films.
Eugh. What a horrid common voice he's got.
I said, "Are there any parts?"
He said, "There's just a really unattractive randy old gypsy
"and a woman who runs the local shop who's obviously been beaten up."
And I said, "Well, I can do them both."
He said, "Yeah, all right, then." That was the conversation.
I say! Look at this, everybody! Two more famous scientists kidnapped.
Yes, there's been a lot of strange comings and goings in this village.
Secrets and signs and...
Threats.
I think I'm a bit frightened already.
You'll be all right, young missy, with your short skirt and your tight sweater.
Right, off we go!
I saw it the first night of Channel 4. I didn't think much of Channel 4 up until then.
When I saw that, I thought, "I want to be these people." Except for, um... Danny.
It's time you scooted off. You've had a long time with us.
I suppose Dick doesn't have a say in the matter. Look here!
We're the Famous Five and that's how it's going to stay.
They made me feel very welcome, which was part of the whole
loveliness of the experience.
Oh!
I was the butt of a number of jokes, yes.
I suppose someone had to be, to show up their characters' slightly right-wing tendencies.
It was a reflection of the times.
You can say, "Taking the mickey out of a black man with the bags."
The real issue is the reaction from the five. It's what THEY say.
That man looks foreign.
I expect his name's golliwog! Or Tarzan!
'The Comic Strip have always had the credibility to do that,'
in the black community, to take the mickey out of certain black issues that were of the time, you know.
Now you can't, because certain people are uncomfortable with it.
I do love Famous Five. That is one of my favourites.
It was just so gloriously funny to do.
We were just sort of let loose with a film crew.
And, er... We all stayed at Pete's mum's house.
In bunk beds.
And it was...rather jolly.
What a gorgeous view! I'm so glad it's private property.
I expect the welfare state would like to build a motorway here.
Or a secondary modern school. BARKING
Timmy hates city folk as well. Don't forget the gate.
Yes, the country code's very strict about that.
NEW SPEAKER: 'They all started on the stage together.
'They probably had no idea that things would work out as well.
'They all got this shared...'
battle experience, doing their first films together.
Just give me that guitar, Dick. # Get your boring clothes off #
Give me that guitar at once!
# Give me that guitar, oh, yeah #
Right, that's it!
Oh, no! What a fascist!
You shouldn't have done that, Ju. Shut up, you little prick-teaser!
The main engine of the thing was the kind of group attitude.
Everybody always got the joke.
There was never any question or any disagreement
'about what the joke was.'
Where am I?
What I always look forward to is there's normally a bit of strange casting from Pete that always works.
I think about people like Sandra Dorne,
'Fiona Richmond, they just work.'
I didn't want to spoil your holiday, but I'm afraid, children,
your uncle has been kidnapped again.
ALL: Oh, no! Bad show!
'In this room, 30 years ago,
'one of the most popular soap stars of the time, Ronnie Allen,
'came through this door dressed as Uncle Quentin.'
There's something very unnatural going on here, and that's for sure.
I think I can explain everything, children.
ALL: Uncle Quentin!
'Ronnie Allen was a very big soap star in soaps like Compact and, later, Crossroads.
'He was an ageing matinee idol, adored by loads of women.
'Used to get 20 million people a night watching him.'
So when he walked in and told his fans that he was gay,
'it caused quite a stir.'
That was all part of my plan.
For many years now,
your Aunt Fanny and I have not had a proper marital relationship.
She's an unrelenting nymphomaniac.
And I'm a screaming homosexual.
They must have been in their late 20s, early 30s and they're playing ten-year-olds?
Why did no-one...? Who casted this?
You're pretty well developed for a ten-year-old.
I say! I've found a first-rate spot to pitch our tents for the night.
DAWN: 'My character, George, is a tomboy
'so I was given a bike which had a crossbar, for boys.'
And, er, we were told to go down a very steep hill,
and I realised that my bike didn't have any brakes.
I said to Pete, "I can't go down that steep hill, mate. I can't stop the bike."
He said, "Just do it! Stop fussing! Just come off the bike at the end."
So that's what I did!
Yeah, we got the naughty stuff, just like last time!
'This deserted bay in south Devon was one of the locations we used
'for the end scene of Five Go Mad On Mescalin.
'One of the most surprising people in the world spotted the location -
'Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones.'
I've got his book here, where he says, "We go to Beesands in Devon
"next to a village called Hallsands, which had fallen into the sea,
"a ruined village which was interesting to a young kid.
"It was really Five Go Mad In Dorset,
'"all those dilapidated houses."
'Not any more.
'Most of the locations we used have changed completely.'
Oh, what a horrible, run-down scruffy...
I think that time is always the best judge.
And, you know, whether people will be still talking
about The Inbetweeners and things like that in 30 years' time,
I'm not so sure.
I think The Comic Strip Presents will always be there to watch
and will always be funny and always be relevant.
'Coming next, Al Pacino is cast as Arthur Scargill in The Strike.'
'For their third series, the Comic Strip presented a series of one-hour comedies.
'The Strike, which won several awards, was a satire
'on Hollywood's dictum, "Never let the truth
"get in the way of a good story."
Golden Pictures would like to be part of your movie.
However, we'll have to make one or two tiny changes to the script.
A mining disaster.
The miners' strike is undoubtedly the sort of film we should be doing.
What about Al Pacino as Arthur Scargill?
It's great. The point of the story is that the miners are on strike.
That means that the mine's closed.
This hunky hero head of the miners,
he's too chicken shit scared to go down the mine and big out Meryl Streep!
I think The Strike's the best.
If a teenager came to that now,
and didn't know who all those people were,
didn't know about the miners' strike,
I think what's great about that is
it's more about a guy who's written a film about a real event
which has been twisted and made into something else.
What I'm really trying to say is, uh, it seems to me this Arthur Scargill character is, um...
Seems to me to be some kind of, um...
loser, you know?
Yeah. That's the way it reads to me.
Um, you know, he loses, yeah.
What Al's trying to say, forgive me, Al... No. Please.
..is that we don't like the end of the picture.
Strike really worked. The story within the story worked.
It worked like you went to Hollywood and they said, "We love the story
"but you got to kill more people." Or whatever they said.
Tell him he either tears up his rose bushes or he's fired!
'With something like Strike, particularly, well all those,
'they're very much about British culture, but using American culture'
to highlight the absurdity, so you bring the Hollywood machine in.
You have Al Pacino playing Arthur Scargill, which is fantastic.
Strike was originally a one-line gag in Eat The Rich.
We thought, "We can make Strike." We took the gag out and did Strike.
Strike was a masterly film, wonderful film.
'I remember there were great shots like High Noon,
'that looked as if they were taken high up and down a long stretch.'
You thought, "I'm watching a movie."
'Peter Richardson wanted to find a street of terraced houses with a slag heap at the end of it.'
Doesn't say "mining town" to me. 'We actually found one.'
Hi, how d'you do? This is Paul, the writer. Love the script.
'One of the houses was like our production office and stuff.
'And next door decided'
they would join in, they would be our bar and catering.
So it was like a street party every day we were filming, with the locals joining in. They were brilliant.
'Absolutely fantastic.'
Over at that pub, there was about 20 miners.
And we saw 500 coppers.
Hard-faced bastards with visors and shields.
They're walking like this.
Old Mrs Griffiths, she come out to see them...
What do you think? It's just all this double glazing.
I know. It's completely bad taste.
The film is set in the '80s, but feels like the '30s.
Yes, exactly. All films do.
'It's a film within a film, a complex kind of proposition about how Hollywood falsifies history.'
You know, makes it extremely crude and about egotism.
It was a wonderful, a fantastic satire.
What was here before this video shop? Until five years ago, Radio Rentals.
Could very easily be re-dressed as a blacksmith's shop!
WOLF HOWLS
CONVERSATION AND PIANO PLAYING IN PUB
GRUFFLY: Scargill!
We want to talk to you.
I don't talk to militants. But we got something to say to you.
Hm! We hear that you've been trying to negotiate with the Coal Board.
What if I am? We're running things now. We've taken over your union...
'Those group of people still feel'
like this is why comedy is the way it is today.
Um...
You know, very...intelligent people
writing intelligent things, disguising it as silliness.
The Strike, I've watched 15 times. I love that one. With the oranges.
You're a school teacher, a great school teacher,
but you don't know what it's like to be Arthur Scargill, leader...
What the...that?
It's an orange.
I want to know what it's doing in my scene.
It feels right for me to be peeling an orange.
She's peeling an orange, I ought to be loading a handgun. OK, Al.
A Magnum!
Jennifer was doing a Meryl Streep with the oranges,
permanently playing with oranges.
I'm sorry, Arthur.
I love the workers as much as you do, but...
Goddamn it, Arthur. You're gonna have to choose.
It's me or the union.
Don't say that!
Don't ever say it to me again. I love the NUM.
It's my job.
Have you got that?
SOBBING
It just was hysterically funny.
I happened to be there at Montreux
when, to everyone's shock and amazement,
it won the Golden Rose of Montreux.
That is the prized accolade for comedy.
Golden Rose? Very disappointing.
Made of tin and plastic.
They give you a cheque, and Peter put the cheque in his pocket.
It was only for five grand, but it's a blank cheque.
And about three weeks later, when we came back to England, we went up and gave it to Arthur Scargill.
So we gave Arthur this cheque for five grand, and he gave us this miner's lamp, which I've still got.
I love the idea of Americans playing Arthur Scargill,
Al playing Arthur Scargill as a handsome gypsy in a white shirt and a black waistcoat.
EXPLOSION
'Peter Richardson doing Al Pacino doing Arthur Scargill
'and the way he tries to transform him'
into this tragic hero rescuing his daughter
from a collapsing mine - it's just so absurd!
Where's Dutch? This whole thing's gone too far.
C'mon, where is he, Wayne?
ALL COUGH
Him and a thousand militants broke into the dynamite store!
They took the dynamite and headed for Sellafield! My God!
They're gonna blow the nuclear reactor. Slim? Yes, sir.
I need your bike.
Oh, I loved Strike. I'm sure there are some shit bits in Strike.
I LOVED Strike! Didn't you love Strike?
I thought Peter Richardson, who did a lot of stuff on the motorbike, was really edgy.
In our Hollywood film, Arthur Scargill turned into Steve McQueen.
Pete and I wrote this line, "Scargill roars past Buckingham Palace, into Parliament Square."
He said to Glynn Purcell, the first assistant,
"What we want to do is fall over on the bike and run through the gates of Parliament. What do you think?"
Glynn said, "Two things. First of all, you'd be shot.
"And second, you'd be shot again."
Which way to London?
I remember them having to shoot him
on the Mall early in the morning...
..on a motorbike dressed as Al Pacino,
riding down the middle of the Mall without a helmet on.
They literally, drove to the Mall, Pete got on the bike, and just did it with the camera following them.
'We didn't have any permissions.'
I'm riding this dirt bike around Buckingham Palace.
'The bike doesn't have any MOT or insurance.
'I've got no helmet or licence.'
I pretend to run out of petrol on the Mall, dump the bike
and run after the camera car.
I say, "How was that, John?" He says, "Wouldn't mind going again."
And all hell broke loose.
Nee-nah, nee-nah! LAUGHING: And the police come.
We decided we didn't know who he was, this guy running after us who we were trying to get away from.
Everyone vanishes, and the police come up and said, "Right, who's in charge?" I say, "I'm just an actor."
They said, "Look, if you go home now, we'll be nice to you."
And that was it. We said, "Fine, thank you very much."
And Peter said, "As soon as they've gone..." No, Peter! No, Peter!
Permissions? SPITS
Permissions!
The following day, of course, we go down to Carnaby Street,
a lone motorbike rider haring down the middle of Carnaby Street.
A few times we thought, "We are going to get nabbed."
There's a scene at the end, where I throw the typewriter in the air.
The guy, one of the bandido brothers, was underneath and it was clearly...
It was a big old heavy typewriter.
'It was going to hit him on the head.'
'We wanted a shot of this spinning in the air.'
You said, "You throw it." I launched it up in the air. You said, "Great!"
It came straight down and landed on his head.
'Did it knock me out?'
It split your head open, but you didn't have stitches. No wonder I don't remember it.
ALL SHOUTING
GAVEL BANGS
Well, Mr Scargill, I think you should go home and...
tell little Tammy that...
..yes, the miners can go back to work.
Y-yes!
Strike was so weird cos it's got Rik at the end
playing some sort of Lincoln-ian type judge.
It's got this wonderful Passport To Pimlico ending.
'Rik just throws his gavel in the air and laughs.
'It was a hilariously funny moment.'
CHEERING
Tammy!
Daddy, look! I can walk!
Come on, Tammy. You can do it.
You have a very brave daddy, Tammy.
I know. Thank you, Prime Minister.
CHEERING
'After the break, the Comic Strip go to Spain,
'in search of a fistful of travellers' cheques.'
'At the end of their second series, the Comic Strip went to Spain
'and had a wild time making A Fistful Of Travellers' Cheques.
'Not only has the story been updated, but it features scenes that have never been shown before.'
Carlos!
'I hadn't seen Carlos for 30 years.
'He was like a brother to me, really.
'He said, "Let's go abroad, do something."
'I said, "I've always wanted to go to Cuba. Lovely place, Cuba.
'"Beautiful beaches. We could pretend to join the revolution."
'He said, "Fuck Cuba! We'll go to Spain. Do the spaghetti thing."'
DONG
You start the row!
Quite a lot of the Sergio Leone Fistfuls and For A Few Dollars More,
Once Upon A Time In The West, a lot of that was done around here.
GUNSHOTS
My first ever Comic Strip was Fistful.
It just blew my mind.
I think the boys really indulged themselves in that film.
In the best possible way! All boys like to pretend to be cowboys.
And Comic Strip boys, comedy boys in particular, LOVE it!
They LOVE a bit of Lee Van Cleef.
You know, they love guns and their big hats.
Are you taking this train to El Poranzo?
No.
NO!
We leave the train at San Domingo, the next stop.
'Jennifer and I were on the sidelines,'
watching the boys tugging their todgers in a Spanish cowboy way.
'You and Rik are walking down the high street.'
We can see the road for miles.
'These lovely people sitting in the high street, leaning against walls,
'"What's all this stuff?" you know.'
We're coming along, "Por favori, el movo."
'"Over there-o. Pay no attention to the camerooni."'
As you pull your wheelies along, a car comes at Rik,
driven by the art director, not the stunt driver.
HORN HONKS
You can just see Mike misses him by...that much.
'My agent phoned up and said,'
"Peter Richardson says can you come to Spain for a couple of weeks
"and get knocked about by Keith Allen a bit?" I went, "OK."
# Everybody happy? La la la la la
# Where your mama gone? Where your mama gone? #
I remember Keith slamming me against this shutter that made a violent-y noise.
But no, there was no serious pain.
Thank you.
The thing that killed me was the fake gun fight.
And the fake argument. "You start the row!"
I went first last time.
No, you didn't.
Did.
Didn't.
Did.
Didn't.
Did!
Did not!
You calling me a liar?
Sorry. Have we started yet? Of course we have, you tosser!
I was from Gloucester and he sounded so West Country.
It was one of the times in my youth I remember almost suffocating from laughter watching the TV.
What...? Start again.
You calling me a liar?
Y-yes!
Well, then, you're going to die.
CICADAS SING
'Spain?'
I thought it was Morocco. Wasn't it Morocco?
'It looked like Morocco.'
I was, you know, hitchhiking on the road.
'After waiting a few hours,'
the best thing, the only thing to do, really, is to die.
'To lie down dead in the road.'
Strewth! Yeah. Kinda guy who gives you crabs!
You OK?
Roadkill, I am.
'Two frigging weeks I've been here. Still can't find the bastard.'
Carlos!
'Then I had a brainwave - go back to where it all started,
'El Poranzo station.'
WHISTLE BLOWS
Tickets.
What's this, gringo?
It's a Euro Rover, old man.
Grr!
Who ARE you?
Who do you think it is? It's me, Michael.
You remember us at college, amigo?
Basingstoke Technical College.
Yeah.
Two-year engineering course.
That's when you became my friend.
I don't have any friends.
Ah, so you're the man with no friends? That's right.
And you're the man with no testicles.
Sorry, testicle.
Locals? Probably thought we were cra...
We just turned up in these extraordinarily stupid costumes.
Rik and Peter shouting at each other a lot.
I suppose they thought, "Here come the English again.
The next train that pulls in at this station...
..I'm just gonna jump aboard it.
I'm gonna head straight out across that wide, shimmering, burning desert,
to make it to El Paso,
just in time for elevenses.
Hi, I'm Shona and this is Jackie.
What do you do for a living, trouble?
Take your clothes off.
Billy Beaumont, bull fighter from Clitheroe.
He went to Spain to fight bulls,
but he got gored by a goat.
Give us this day, our daily bread.
Forgive us our trespasses...
You just landed on our grave.
I think he works in Lidl's now.
Say your prayers, amigo.
Which one? I don't know any prayers.
Well, perhaps you should have paid more attention in divinity class.
You might have lived five minutes longer.
Wait!
I know where there's a cafe!
Huh? Prove it.
Just there.
Big Julie? This was his great moment.
He'd gone travelling in Spain.
I guess a lot of people think, "What's that crazy American doing
"opening up a cafe-restaurant 50 miles from the nearest house?"
Yeah, well, I say...
"Yeah, I'm crazy.
"But there's a lot of people who are crazier in LA."
I don't know if you've been to LA recently,
but what I say is I'd rather be crazy in, like, a restaurant
in somewhere like Spain than somewhere else,
where it's crazy to be that kind of crazy.
Cafe.
Do you think I should extend?
I don't want to spoil the landscape, but it'd be kinda nice when trade picks up.
I've only been here two years and I'm not established,
but the way I figure it, you gotta get bigger because people like it big.
And you gotta get bigger before you get smaller.
I'm not a small guy.
I don't know if you think about me that much,
you know, at night or first thing in the morning.
Maybe it's the tablecloths.
They ARE kinda ugly.
Then, you can't see them unless you come to the door.
People just don't come to the door and go, "Oh! I'm not going in there. Did you see those tablecloths?"
People just don't do that, do they?
CHICKEN CLUCKING
Maybe the word's gone round about the tablecloths.
I had a couple of people in here for a meal six months ago and they were really disgusted.
Cafe?
They didn't say anything, but I could feel it.
I tell you, the world's crazy.
I mean, what do you say?
You think I should change the wallpaper to attract more people?
Ah! What the fuck!
It's only a restaurant.
Come on! Keep it going!
Keep calm, Julie. That's a very big bus.
There could be six people in there.
Jesus! If they only buy coffee it's enough to pay the ground rent.
I remember Keith Allen being owed a lot of money, or owing a lot of money for poker.
We had these absolutely mad poker games.
Keith kept saying, "Double. Double it. Double it.
"I'll double you. I'll raise you. I'll double you."
Thousands of pounds!
It wound all the locals up cos we played for outrageous sums of money.
Ade got rescued from running naked down the street.
Yeah, that was bonkers, actually, in Almeria.
'One night, driving along at 30, 40, 50 miles an hour
'along a straight road with not a light in sight.
'Keith Allen decides to play this game.'
"Let's put the lights out and see who's first to scream."
The Comic Strip felt more like a raiding party from the real world.
It was like more ordinary people,
that were having this intensely seismic effect, you know, on comedy
'and on television.'
I don't think I like this place.
I don't think I like YOU.
GUNSHOT
LAUGHTER AND GUNSHOTS
KNOCKING ON DOOR
Hey! You got guns in there?
FLUSHES
Yes? You no fire guns in the bedroom, huh?
And no flushing the guns down the lavatory.
How come there's no soft toilet paper?
This is Hotel Bastardos. Not Soft Toilet Paper Hotel Bastardos.
SPITS You want soft toilet paper?
You go to Hotel Gay Boy.
You winging pommies.
And another thing! You no set fire to the beds, hey?
Good, good, good. OK?
Everybody happy?
La la la la la. La la.
Good.
I always thought American comedies did "story".
British comedies just had a load of gags and jumped up and said, "Hey!"
And what you did was push story into comedy.
SPANISH VOICES ON RADIO
I feel sexy now. Yes.
I feel pretty raunchy myself.
Good, yeah? Ha ha.
Everybody happy? Hey?
You got whores?
Whores?
Fetch Henrietta.
BOTH LAUGH
Es Henrietta.
You think I'm going to get naughty naughty with THAT?
It's yours till six o'clock! Hey? Ha ha ha!
I don't think I'm that kinky.
And I don't think you're going to have any breakfast in the morning.
If you know what I'm talking about. Wait.
We need horses.
How much, amigo? £2,000. Each.
Wait. Somebody's taken my travellers' cheques.
We're doing this all wrong, amigo. Well, we've got no money, no horses.
People are going to think we're right tossers now. Shit! Don't get over-excited, Michael.
I've got heaps of travellers' cheques at the hotel. I'm going home.
We've come on holiday to enjoy ourselves and do the spaghetti thing.
Let's make the best of it. We should have gone to Cuba, like I said.
Pretend to join the revolution.
You said we've got to go to Spain. Cheer up, Michael.
Please?
I think I know where we can get some horses.
It was nothing like it is today. San Jose was a tiny fishing village.
It was a beautiful little beach. I remember it so well.
There was a little bay and beautiful clean water.
The white buildings now go right up the hill.
Before, there was a hill with no buildings.
I had to drive out of town to the garage to make telephone calls.
It was that kind of isolated.
It was great to be in a different country. We were in the desert.
We shot it where they shot the spaghetti westerns.
We had tapas and Spanish wine and stuff I'd never tasted before.
It was very good.
Don't you remember, amigo? We came by this way 30 years ago.
Yeah.
Course, in them days, you could buy a horse, somewhere to live,
maybe even a small car
for three pesos.
Now it costs hundreds of euros just to stay in a comfortable B&B.
For a single night.
Yeah. They don't really do B&B out here, do they?
Hi, guys.
Can I make you a cocktail?
Whisky. And steaks.
I remember being in some fights.
Shame!
I remember speaking in an Australian accent a bit, or our bad version of it.
I remember getting nice and brown. We went to the beach quite a lot.
Mostly, I remember nearly dying.
The morning where we had to collect the girls from their apartment
around the corner from the hotel.
They were a bit late and we were a bit concerned.
They got carbon monoxide poisoning from faulty pipes and things.
If they'd left us there another hour, we would be dead.
The Comic Strip tried to kill me then save my life at the very last moment.
It was, "Where's Jennifer and Dawn?
"They're late for their call. Somebody go and knock them up."
They were minutes away from dying.
They were very ill that day. Very ill. And we were blessed...
Nearly held us up filming. I was a bit concerned about lunch.
Which football team do you support?
Watford.
SPITS
Watford can't play to save their lives, amigo.
I agree.
Oh.
Oh, well, then I don't agree.
I think they CAN play. They just need a new manager.
Yeah.
Anyway, you're going to die.
GUNSHOTS
I'm feeling...a bit...peaky.
Huh. One gun fight too many, perhaps.
I had whooping cough
last year.
Haven't felt the same since.
You're taking pills for that?
Or just the occasional slug of whisky?
No.
Just loads of Ovaltine.
As a kid, I was a teenager, it was like...
..it was like punk was for music for me. It was this kind of...
I can't really overstate the effect it had on me, really.
'Coming next, the Comic Strip go on the road with Bad News.'
'In 1982, The Comic Strip were commissioned to make a documentary
'about a maverick heavy metal band who, like hundreds of others,
'were searching for instant fame and success.
'Their name was Bad News.'
# Bad news
# Bad news #
'Their lead singer was Alan Metcalf, a painter and decorator
'who called himself Vim Fuego.'
We're not sitting on the fence. We're trying to burn the fence down.
It's pretty stupid to sit on a burning fence.
'On bass was Colin Grigson, son of a wealthy banker.
'He was only allowed in the band because he owned the PA system.'
I was with this chick and we were just about to get down to it,
I put my foot through the television set!
'Den Dennis, also a painter and decorator, was the rhythm guitarist.
'At home on stage, he would sometimes get confused when facing a camera.'
'Ello, Den. Hello, Alan.
Vim.
Eh? Vim. My name's Vim, remember.
Oh, yeah. S-sorry.
Er... Hello, Vim.
'And then there was the drummer, known simply as Spider.
'When not hitting the drums, he was experimenting, in rock 'n' roll fashion, with illegal substances.'
Come on, Spi... SMASH
What time do you call this, then?
I've smashed the window, Spider. Sorry.
Sorry. Never mind, Den. It's all anarchy, innit?
'Early one morning, the band set off for Grantham, in the hope of playing their first paid gig.'
These people are bursting with energy, they're very funny.
The words they utter are unprintable and probably can't be broadcast.
'We've broken down, you stupid bastard.'
I fully appreciate your problem, but you can't use our bus. Why not?
Because it's your problem. You've got to handle it.
We're just here to point the cameras.
That's the point of documentaries. We're lucky it happened.
DEN: You're lucky I don't knock your fucking head in.
There's no need to get violent.
And try not to swear so much.
You can always put in a fucking bleep.
'It wasn't just problems with the van and the crew.
'Bad News were also experiencing musical differences.'
We're not just another stupid heavy metal band. What about futuristic heavy metal?
We're modern than futuristic. Right, that's it.
I'm getting out if we're anything to do with the new romantics.
I'm not going any further until I hear Alan say we're heavy metal.
Go on, tell him, Vim.
OK. We're heavy metal, OK?
Heavy metal. Heavy metal. Heavy metal.
Have I said it enough? We're heavy metal, OK?
Just like your fucking brain! Cos it's heavy, get it?
I heard the music. Not something I wanted to pursue.
I THINK Bad News came out... two years before Spinal Tap?
I like the characters. Spider was always my favourite.
How did you get into the music business, Spider? Well, I went down the Jobcentre.
And told them I wanted to blow their minds.
'The group did have one important fan. Her name was Sally Friedman.'
Hey, Bad News.
ALL: Hey, Sally Friedman!
Britain's number one sexy chic rock journalist.
What gives? Coast-to-coast tour?
Putting heavy metal back on the rock 'n' roll map.
1001 smashed motel rooms.
We're on... No, I still can't read that from here.
'Late that afternoon,
'they finally reached Grantham and things really began to fall apart.'
Stop! Stop! What's the matter?
You're supposed to come in there, Colin.
All I'm asking, Vim, is you let me sing just one number.
I know, and I said you can't.
It's my brother's PA and I say that you all can't use it.
The only reason you're in this band is cos you got the bloody PA.
Maybe I should take my PA to a band where I might be appreciated a little bit more!
It'd better be a band in Grantham cos it's not going in my van!
Yes! Which I paid for to have repaired.
'Vim was so angry, he punched the director of the documentary
'and the band were not on speaking terms for at least a month.
'30 years later, Spider and Den recall that night.'
Well, I mean, technically speaking,
Bad News, as a band, never did come together.
I mean, we never came together
because we, like, started from...musical differences.
That was the starting point. And the differences could only get wider.
I think there were probably people genuinely in the music business
who listened to Bad News and went, "Do you know what? They're not bad."
They WERE bad. They were terrible.
'When the Bad News documentary was shown on Channel 4, it divided opinion.
'Some thought they were terrible.
'Others thought they were so bad, they were quite funny.
'They appeared on The Tube, but not even Jools Holland or the cameras
'could prevent the band from self-destructing.'
You're a very visual band. You still want to do an interview?
Yes, please. Yes. I think it's probably just me.
No, we can have all the band in.
'Rock manager Sharkey McIntyre offered them a few gigs - an offer he was soon to regret.'
It was terrible! The whole thing was a really, really bad experience.
'They were the worst band in the world.'
We are a live band, basically, but I don't think anybody guessed we were miming. Everybody, shut up!
Some people were fans of Bad News, yeah.
It was a strange thing, in a way.
They all paid to get in. No freebies. We didn't have to pay for the houses or anything.
'Phil McIntyre decided to approach the giant record label EMI,
'to see if they'd be interested in signing Bad News.'
'Phil McIntyre,'
who used to promote Iron Maiden and quite a lot of the bands we managed,
came to us one day and said, "I've got this great idea!
"I think we should make a record."
So we sort of looked at each other, the way you do with Phil.
"I don't think anybody's going to want to make a record with Bad News."
HEAVY METAL MUSIC
I did go and see them live more than once.
I remember once at Poole Arts Centre there was nearly a riot.
Normally, it's people trying to get in.
There, it was people trying to get out, really.
# I am Mr Rock and Roll... #
They were shit, really.
LONE WOMAN CHEERS AND APPLAUDS
'One of the crew in Portsmouth'
called me on stage and said, "Look at this."
There were sheep's eyes with the entrails hanging off the back.
They were chucking sheep's eyes and liver and intestines at us.
As well as the bottles of piss and the gob.
It was, er, fierce!
'Thanks to McIntyre, the band signed to EMI
'and went into the studio to record their first album, titled Bad News.'
Just another two or three notches. STRUMS BASS
Bloody hell! All those lagers! I brought them in. They're for afterwards.
Just a little bit more. OK. Up a notch.
Just a touch. STRUMS BASS
Lovely. OK, we'll try it, then.
LOUD DRUMMING
'Next came a pop video, as EMI threw yet more good money at Bad News,
'in the desperate attempt to get them into the top 40.'
Another 100 records, we'd have been in.
'Bumping into Queen's guitarist, Brian May,
'they persuaded him to produce a Bad News version of Bohemian Rhapsody.'
# ..Can't do this to me, baby
# I've just gotta get out I just gotta get right out of here #
'Phil rings me up and says that he wants to do the Marquee in London.'
We had Jeff Beck one night, doing duelling guitars with Vim Fuego.
Probably the lowest point in my career.
We were watching the act for a few minutes before Brian May and myself were due on.
We noticed that the stage was swimming with broken glass and drink.
Brian said, "This is great!" I said, "We're going to be in the middle of that!"
'Despite the large EMI advance,
'the band became increasingly keen to find out where the money went.
'30 years later, Den and Spider are still concerned.'
Their arrangement with Sharkey, I wouldn't know the ins and outs of it.
I got you a record deal with EMI, £250,000 advance.
And I got you 45 grand off Tony Smith for your publishing.
And I got you money to make a video, which, you know, was a nightmare.
We never saw that. Where is that money? Where's the money, Phil?
You were on expenses from day one.
Expenses? What do you mean? Were YOU getting expenses?
Ten a month. £10 a month? Yes. I never got £10 a month.
The fact that you didn't save any of that for your old age is your fault.
If you'd have invested it properly, you wouldn't be begging now.
That sounds like bollocks to me. Phil, we want to know where our money is. Where's the money?
You know I get annoyed about this, Spider, this constant badgering for money.
There is no money to give you back.
CROWD CHEERING How many of you people have heard of Bad News?
Ladies and gentlemen, will you welcome Bad News?
'So to the Monsters Of Rock festival.
'Bad News may have finally arrived,
'playing on the same bill as Motorhead, Ozzy Osbourne and Def Leppard.'
Hello, Donington! CHEERING
We are Bad News!
# Bad news... #
They were absolutely BLEEP awful!
LAUGHTER
# Two, three, four... #
I thought Bad News hit a new high
in altruistic, self-indulgent,
bullshit, mollycoddled, mother-my-dog instinct rock n roll.
You can't describe it as music, not really.
It's diabolical.
Yeah, the first number went quite well.
Well, the first part of it did.
To be perfectly honest, I think the lot of you turned out worthlessly.
No, that's not... That's not... I don't believe that.
It was all a disaster, wasn't it, cos none of you got on. LAUGHTER
Who likes YOU, Mr McIntyre? Yeah.
The bickering became about people playing.
Like any of you could play, anyway. Yeah. Yeah.
So that took over after about ten dates.
You're all fighting and squabbling about keeping in time,
and you were a rubbish drummer cos you were playing the lead part.
Colin's guitar was turned up too high.
Colin's defence was he didn't know where the switch was.
He only had two strings, anyway, so how much noise could you make? I agree with that, Phil.
'So, what did happen to Bad News?
'Colin, thanks to his father, got a job as a bank clerk.'
# Nothing really matters
# Anyone can see... #
'Den went back to painting and decorating and doing part-time jobs for Alan.'
I've finished the job in Corsica Street... Shut up!
'Spider went to live in a barn in the West Country with his partner and three kids.
'And Vim Fuego? Well, he got married to that one important fan,
'Sally Friedman.
'After the break, find out what Ken Livingstone thought about the Comic Strip's film GLC.'
The results for the GLC election are as follows -
Kenneth John Livingstone...
'After The Strike came GLC, a Death Wish style satire
'on Ken Livingstone's battle with the Thatcher government.'
MACHINE GUNFIRE
I was told something's going to be on the TV.
I couldn't resist watching it and, not only did I laugh all through it,
I was tremendously flattered.
I laughed all the way through. It's incredibly funny.
Who the hell are you? I'm the new leader of the GLC.
Wonderful. Come on in. Have a drink. Have a...piece of cake.
Party's over. Put your clothes on and go home. You can't do this.
Do you know who I am? I'm the Lord Mayor of London!
Was! Get the hell out of County Hall.
The Comic Strip brilliantly turned this into an epic Hollywood drama.
The great thing about the Comic Strip is it politicised
a whole generation of comics.
Most people chatted about it in the tea room at the House of Commons the next day.
Living in London, it was the centre of life, in many ways.
The GLC and all that.
Thatcher was trying to dissolve
a lot of London institutions which were very good for London,
many of which have not really recovered.
It was quite a serious point we were making.
Horace is running for the leadership of the GLC again.
You're the only man who can take him on and win. No, no. Not me.
This is my life now. This old river gives me everything I need.
You'd better find yourself another man. Or woman.
What if I told you that Horace is going to flood south London?
He's going to turn it into a marina. County Hall's gonna be a yacht club. He can't do that.
It's the ice maiden's idea. He'll go through with it all right.
Besides, who's going to stop him?
I think Ken was one of the best things that ever happened to London.
I've always been pro-Ken.
Sly, how are you at making speeches?
Well, I've never really t-t-t-tr-tried...
Start practising. You're the new Lord Mayor.
Oh, well. Thank you K-K-K...
OK, those of you that don't know, my name's Ken Livingstone.
# Look to the left and to the right... #
KEN: Most of it rang true, actually.
Except I didn't ever have pads on my elbows.
The headlines, a lot of the clashes.
I mean, we didn't have gun fights, but most of it rang true.
I didn't wash my clothes in the River Thames. You didn't? No!
I'm looking for councillors who ain't afraid to get their hands a little dirty.
What do you do? London Transport, trains AND buses.
Half the fares. Old people travel for free. Sorry, sir? You heard me.
The day we cut the fares, the Daily Mail said, "This is the first step
"towards the introduction of a full Soviet economy." LAUGHS
Papers like the Sun and the Mail and the Telegraph hated the GLC.
Joan, go to the bank, borrow some money for CND.
I want those cruise missiles out by Christmas. Sure, Ken.
He also said, "Raid the GLC bank account."
LAUGHING: Which I think, after all the trouble we'd had
with the media suggesting we took Kremlin gold,
that was not a particularly helpful line!
You, I want you to take care of the black minorities.
Set up theatres, sports centres, recreational grounds.
Yes, sir. And equalise some women.
You, start a new movement. Call it Gay Pride.
Let's get those gays out of the closet. Oh, yes, sir!
All right, let's move it out! Let's shake this city up!
WHOOPS AND APPLAUSE
It's remarkable, the amount of things that you caught me or others saying that were true.
The Horace Cutler figure played by Leslie Phillips was such a dead ringer.
You've never had it so good!
And thanks to the Tories,
every home has a colour TV.
And the shops are full of potatoes.
The things that the Tory leader said at the time!
Joan Ruddock, CND. Pleased to meet you, Joan.
Dawn French playing Cher playing me was, I have to say, a hilarious experience for me.
I was a very conventionally married woman with no children.
There I am, portrayed as this temptress who's a single mother with out-of-control kids.
'So that was all very bizarre.'
Get your hands off that child. Mummy, mummy.
Who are you? What are you doing here?
Isn't it a little late to leave your children on their own?
But for me, it just added to the fun and the kind of fame of the thing.
I'm a single mother. I got no choice.
Somebody's gotta stop those cruise missiles.
My mother couldn't find it funny for a moment.
She was deeply, deeply shocked.
One of her neighbours came up to her the very next day and said,
"I never knew that your daughter,
"your DAUGHTER was in a relationship with that man Livingstone."
Joan Ruddock is the most, you know,
perfect, polite, restrained person I ever met in politics.
And her depiction as pushing me on the floor to have sex
was not ever going to be really like Joan.
It's not like we thought that anything we were going to do
was going to bring down the government,
although, fabulously, for a lot of the Comic Strip time
we had a massively attractive common enemy, who was Thatcher.
Of course we wanted to bring down THAT government because it was headed by an eight-headed monster.
Come here.
SNIVELLING
Of course you worked hard and of course you're tired.
And old. And useless.
Yes, I need a change. Of course you do.
And you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to change your face.
Aargh!
I think the attitude of Margaret Thatcher,
which was a kind of hatred of the left, we all felt that.
By the time this film was made, both Ken Livingstone and I
had just come into Parliament.
So we were very aware of her and her kind of persona.
LAUGHING: You made her almost more human than she really was!
I think the portrayal of HER was very good in what we felt about her,
even though, again, there were tremendous inaccuracies.
Balls!
He's tearing this city upside down and you are doing nothing!
Stop him! Get rid of him!
He's much too popular. Then get rid of the GLC.
Kill Livingstone!
Kill him! Kill him!
It really did give a physical characterisation
to what everybody felt about her, that she was utterly ruthless.
Something I can do for you, mister?
Mind if I smoke?
Suppose you tell me who you are.
My name is Benn, Tony Benn.
Tony Benn, well, I'll be damned!
It was all excellent.
Tony Benn, another great figure who was around at that time and very active in politics.
- She's banned the GLC. - Why?
Because it's too wild and too popular.
Huh! Too handsome, you mean? Maybe.
Who's too handsome? You are.
Where are you going? I gotta see the one man who can help us.
What's he talking about?
Well, if I was as wild and handsome as Ken,
which I'm not, but if I was,
there's one person I'd want to see. Who's that?
The Prince of Wales.
At that stage, I'd not had any dealings with Prince Charles.
I think you depicted him as even more loopier than he really is.
'You're just lucky he didn't sue you for that.'
KEN LAUGHS
HUMMING TO SELF
"Let's grow plums".
That's interesting.
Never seen this one before.
Try chapter ten, sir. "Growing plums in a clay soil".
It's a good read. Yes, thank you. I will.
Who are you? Your Majesty, my name's Ken. I've got to talk to you.
The Tony Benn character shooting Neil Kinnock in the back.
All those sorts of things.
Derek Hatton going off to Stringfellows and so on.
There were an awful lot of poisonous barbs that were very funny.
When we were writing the script, the thing that cracked us up most
was the line, "Kinnock goes for his gun."
At the time, we wanted Kinnock to go for his gun and he wasn't going for his gun.
That's in the script. It's nowhere in the film.
That was the attitude, the tone behind it.
What about you, Kinnock? I think my time would be better served
if I use my influence in the House of Commons.
Yeah? Like you did in the abolition debate?
I... I...
I... I really don't know what you mean.
GUNSHOT
I've been wanting that for a long time.
I thought it was a bit unfair to my very close and dear friend Neil.
I did think that was a bit unfair.
CHEERING AND WHISTLES
GROANING
Aaarrgghhh!
HOWLING
What keeps you going in politics, you know, is if you can't laugh at things that happen in politics
then you really are going to be a very sad person.
I like that closing shot where her hand comes and grabs my testicles.
Aargh!
That's when my kids fell over!
What was so clever was, although the GLC was very pertinent at the time, the comedy's timeless.
It's fantastic to watch your teenage children
falling off their seats watching something you did 30 years ago!
'Coming next, Keith Allen and Peter Richardson lampoon the TV tough guys with The Bullshitters.'
'When Keith Allen got commissioned by Channel 4
'to perform his own show, he invited Peter Richardson to join him
'in acting out several spoofs of the TV cop show, The Professionals,
'which lampooned the image of the TV tough guy.
'They wrote and filmed a 40-minute special, directed by Stephen Frears,
'and followed it with Detectives On The Edge Of A Nervous Breakdown.'
'I always wanted to take the piss out of The Professionals.'
So The Bullshitters were born and we did it as sketches.
Bonehead, darling, repeat after me.
"I cannot live without Vladimir."
Green!
I'm common. Green I'm common. Greenham Common.
I'm coming out.
I think I'm gay!
I want a pink alert in green sector.
Do it. Foyle, come back. It could be dangerous.
He's my friend! I want to talk to you!
I want that anti-gay serum up on Hampstead Heath in an hour.
Look, I'm gonna have to kill you.
I'd rather be gay and dead, Foyle, than alive and straight.
Freeze!
Those awful things - The Professionals,
The Sweeney, all these idiot tough guys on screen that we were supposed to look up to -
destroyed by this magnificent programme, The Bullshitters.
Jackson here. I want all ports and airports closed as of now.
And, Bridget, make sure my wife's put under sedation.
Bullshitters, I remember that at school.
Me and my friend, JB, talking about that.
I wished to be one of those guys.
That's what I was going to be in the army.
To the TV tough guy,
a motorcar is his mistress.
His lover. And this is a good opportunity for a nice profile shot.
International terrorists in town, the TV tough guy never does what?
Locks his car, sir. And why? Wasting film, sir. Very good.
I knew Stephen Frears cos I'd worked with him.
I said to Peter, "What do you think?
I'll try and get Stephen Frears." He said, "As if!"
Because you were all so young and did things in that young way,
which I found invigorating,
to show the clash between a middle-aged man and a younger man was rather interesting, I guess.
We had to take the script round, he read it. "That's funny, is it?"
That's what he said. "That's funny, is it?" "See you on Monday, then."
Sometimes you were, sometimes you weren't funny.
I wouldn't have known how to craft it into something like an Ealing comedy.
It didn't seem to require that.
We used to film most of our stuff without permission. You didn't have time.
We had to do it, and we would run around the streets of London
brandishing replica guns
in leatherette jockstraps. Like you do. Yeah.
Let's go!
I'll take a 38. I'll take a 42.
'No-one knew we were coming in those pubs. We banged in through a door.'
People were drinking beer and you come in with a gun and a jockstrap and we'd be gone so fast.
You couldn't do it nowadays. You couldn't do it.
All that bus stuff, they were buses with people going to work on them.
Some idiot jumping on and off in his leather jockstrap.
With a gun.
Well, you were lunatics, but you knew what you wanted.
'You had your own imaginative world and that's what you were trying to capture.'
I've never dared make something called a comedy.
That's my jockstrap. It's not.
That was the jockstrap that we used to run around London in. Look.
I'm not putting mine on.
Peter, your knees will go!
BOTH LAUGH
The Bullshitters was brilliant cos I was a massive fan
of The Professionals.
So... And also seeing two guys just snogging like that.
It was incredible! And extremely...
It was a good thing, but was also very funny.
Doing what we did with Hot Fuzz a long time before we did,
to identify the homoerotic sub-text in buddy cops.
The script was absolutely fantastic.
The pair of them in their jockstraps snogging. It was so naughty!
Yeah, him and Keith rolling around... Did they snog? I think they did, in their pants.
It was unrehearsed.
We tumbled down the gravel
and I ended up on top.
We hadn't discussed it. It wasn't planned that way.
I was feeling insecure about coming out in front of a film crew, let alone the nation of my fans.
Keith hadn't shaved. The stubble was horrible.
'I thought, "How could girls kiss Keith with all that stubble?"'
You know your tight black jeans? GUNSHOT
He couldn't stop laughing. You'll see it in the scene.
I was crying. I know. This ridiculous crying acting! Trying not to laugh!
I thought I'd lost you, Foyle.
Stephen was behind the camera, wetting himself laughing. Yeah.
"Stick your tongue down his throat!"
That's what I said to Daniel Day Lewis on the first day. "Stick your tongue in his ear."
He looked at me as if the devil had just landed on the earth.
And did it and became a star.
All the way through the shoot, we never saw more than three people behind the camera.
Suddenly, there were about 30. Yeah.
It was like a crowd, coming to watch this...
..homoerotic scene in a gravel pit.
I was just a referee.
Freeze! Cover me!
Freeze!
You take the one on the right. You take the one on the left. Go!
TV detectives from different eras trying to find out
which era the case from. I've explained it pretty well.
We need to get the old hands in. We need the stars of the '70s.
What? Driving fast cars and shouting a lot?
All that macho shite?
All your long pauses haven't got me anywhere.
I got the chance to play Spanker, which was a take on Spender.
Which was a big detective series with Jimmy Nail.
Who've we got? Bonehead and Foyle.
Sir.
The Bullshitters.
SHOUTING: Who do you think you are?
Bonehead and Foyle. The Bullshitters.
What's your problem, Granddad? SHOUTING: You're my problem!
Listen, modern coppers don't abandon their cars any more!
They park 'em in the space provided.
They get out, central lock 'em and behave like decent citizens
who are there to serve the public!
What's he talking about, Foyle? I dunno.
You've heard the sad news about the gourmet detective?
Yeah, sounds like he got his... just desserts. Nice line.
Good show, though. Lots of great vegetarian dishes.
It was so funny. We wrote it and it did open with the gourmet detective.
Blow me down, six months later, a whole series came out called Pie In The Sky.
Which was a gourmet detective. About a gourmet detective.
So ahead of our time. Yeah.
Keith and Peter were both directing. LAUGHS
That was interesting. And acting in it.
You can imagine what it was like at times.
Where's shouting George from the Weeny?
SHOUTING: You can't park here!
Shut it!
He had great people. He got Jim Broadbent playing, "Shut it!"
You know, playing Jack Regan.
George, you met Bonehead and Foyle. Our paths have crossed, guv.
Look, let's get one thing straight.
Nobody calls me guv. Why not?
Because it's old-fashioned.
Who's the squatter? Friend of yours?
Detective Inspector David Spanker.
Shut up!
Listen, guv, I'm a ten-guv-a-day copper,
always have been, always will be.
If you want me to work on this case, I'm gonna call you guv all day long.
It's all I know and it's all you need to know! Guv!
I loved The Professionals so much that...
I wanted to BE The Professionals.
You think that mid-'70s bullshit is gonna help?
It's not mid-'70s bullshit, it's that!
Banging tables and shouting loudly.
The Comic Strip, bizarrely, was maybe the first thing that showed me the story is king.
Story is more important than gags.
Story will take someone through an hour and a half. Gags will not.
JOLLY WHISTLING Shut it!
What do we do now?
Waiting for a Mini Moke to turn up.
Mini Moke! Miniskirt.
Minnie Mouse!
A mini...
Mini pencil... No, hang on. Minnesota!
That's a good one.
Minicab. Could do with one to get me out this shit!
Peter did this wonderful rendition of Jason King, you know,
with the moustache and drinking champagne!
"Indeedy deedy!" That was Pete's line, really.
Apparently, there's a new law forbidding one to drink and drive.
If that happens, I shall give up touring for ever.
Ah, this looks promising.
Feel free to search the grounds. I have nothing to hide.
Indeedy deedy.
Do tell me,
don't you have a 19-year-old daughter
with a miniskirt and too much make-up?
Yes, I do. I thought so.
She lives in Kenya with an African prince.
Any other questions?
Yeah. What are we doing here?
Cheers.
I never initially warmed to it in quite the same way.
But then, like The Famous Five, it was an amazingly warped pastiche.
It was just so good.
Come on, Spanker! Tell us about it!
I never had your chances, George.
What are you doing, Foyle? I'm gonna do some crawling. Where? There.
I'm gonna do some over here. Let's go.
SPANKER: I was ten years too late.
All I got was marriage problems and a northern atmosphere.
I had marriage problems as well, Spanker.
But you know why I survived? By shouting!
I didn't send people to sleep, like you do.
Think about Jim Broadbent, about how talented he is.
You were really lucky to get him, to be on screen with him.
There's no towel, for Christ's sake!
Can't a copper dry his hands any more?
I've got wet hands here and they need drying!
This place is a bloody khazi!
Detectives On The Edge Of A Nervous Breakdown, The Bullshitters,
all those shows were just spot-on, precision perfect.
Those boxes, Foyle!
Beautiful! Beautiful, Foyle!
SHUT IT!
Oh, yes!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
What do you mean, it won't start? We've wrecked the gearbox.
It's broken the gearbox. You're the one who was driving it.
What do you want? I want to be driving around in circles. So do I!
'After the break, Tony Blair goes on the run
'in a '50s-style thriller, The Hunt For Tony Blair.'
'In 2011, the Comic Strip returned
'and I, former swimwear model, Stephen Mangan,
'was given the starring role in a 39 Steps style thriller.'
I play this man who is completely Teflon coated. Nothing is his fault.
'It's a total joy.'
Good evening, sir. Are you Tony Charles Lynton Blair?
Yes.
I've a warrant for your arrest, sir. The charge is...murder.
Oh, heck.
It was definitely a return to form.
They had a newcomer, Stephen Mangan, who took to the Comic Strip formula like a duck to water.
Perfect as Tony Blair, that combination of likeability and smackability.
I really liked the Blair one. It was almost near-perfect.
Except my bit shouldn't have been in it.
I felt under a lot of pressure, actually.
But the script was great and looks incredible, I think, the way Peter shot it.
'Beautiful, black-and-white look.'
Tony, what's the matter? I've got to get out of here.
What are you talking about? It's no big deal, but I've been charged with murder.
Tony, talk to me. What have you done?
I've served my country, that's what I've done.
Tony Blair spoof, which I loved.
It was all in black and white, which was kind of brilliant.
Don't be a fool, Blair. GUNSHOTS
'It's ballsy, I give you that.
'People automatically, nowadays,'
if they see something in black and white, find it boring.
Visually, they're not stimulated.
I've got a nine-month-old son. He didn't have a clue what was going on.
'Apparently, all the stuff that was Whitehall,'
Peter used old naval buildings that doubled up for London streets.
Yeah, I think he lives in Devon, so obviously, we had to film in Devon.
'Most of the actors, cast and crew, were all London based.
'So it only made sense to film in Devon.'
A film set in London.
AS BLAIR: 'After a cold wet night on that park bench,
'it was time to get out of town.
'Ha! If only it was that easy.
'Being such hot news, this was one story I couldn't spin.
'It was all looking pretty hopeless,
'but I still had one or two cards up my sleeve.'
Hi, is that Bernie Ecclestone? It's Tony Blair.
You couldn't lend me a really fast car without "Durex" on the side.
I read his book. Which is a treat for all comedy fans.
A lot of the lines that Tony Blair... Not all of the lines, but a lot of them.
I read Tony Blair's book,
and loads of the lines that he says in that are directly...
They've taken them directly.
'Stuff that you wouldn't even...
'Stuff that you would think, "God! He'd never say that."'
Thank you, Robin, for such kind words.
As you can probably...
Look, Peter. If John dies, I will be leader, not Gordon.
And I think, somehow, this will happen.
What do you mean, "If John dies"? Look, don't cross me over this.
This is mine. I know it. And I will take it.
- Blair actually said that? - Oh, yes. It's all in his book.
Page 63, chapter two.
The Hunt For Tony Blair was again consistent of the Comic Strip.
It was shot cinematically, beautiful performances from great characters, great writing.
I came in just to play a doorman.
Which was great! LAUGHS
Good morning, Mr Brown.
I was told I was moving in here today. Now, in fact.
Not yet, sir. Not while you still suffer from psychological problems
and Tony Blair's still in charge.
Good day, sir.
To have to turn Gordon Brown away from Chequers was not something you get to do every day.
The last sight of Blair is around here, sir. Suddenly, he disappears.
Just here. Hm. All right, Mandelson.
If you were Blair, where would you be?
Tuscany, Florida or Barbados with Cliff Richard.
He's not on holiday, he's on the run. Where would he be?
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course. Of course what?
General Pinochet hid out here when he, too, was on the run for mass murder.
Where, damn it?
Have you forgotten... the Iron Lady, Inspector?
'Pete always likes to layer those things.'
You're always playing someone playing someone.
In The Hunt For Tony Blair,
'I honestly didn't know what I was going to do until I opened my mouth.
'There were so many different things he wanted.
'He wanted me to be like Margaret Thatcher, but I was dressed as Bette Davis from Baby Jane'
but playing it as if I was in Sunset Boulevard!
LAUGHS So, where do you go with that?
'So until I opened my mouth, I honestly didn't know what I was going to do.'
Mrs Thatcher.
Is that Cecil? Cecil Parkinson?
No, it's Tony. Tony Blair.
Oh, the pretty Tony Blair.
Come here, come here, where I can see you.
Come to Mummy.
Are you in a lot of trouble, Tony?
Well, you know, I might have made a few honest mistakes but, hey,
think I can talk my way out of it.
It was always that blind faith in yourself that made you so very appealing.
Thank you.
Sexy Maggie.
Who...I slept with.
I played Tony Blair...
..and I slept with Maggie Thatcher played by Jennifer Saunders.
These kind of brilliant caricatures, so you had, again, Jennifer Saunders as Maggie with her butler, Tebbit.
And the wonderful Harry Enfield playing Alastair Campbell
as a kind of Sweeney figure with his bruising leather jacket
and cockney vowels, that was fab.
It didn't need the Alastair Campell bit. That was ghastly.
But everything else was perfect. Mrs Blair was brilliant.
Tony, the washing machine's broken again. It goes straight to rinse.
I'm not a plumber. I'm a Prime Minister. That's a pathetic excuse. Is it? "Is it?"
For fuck's sake, Cherie. Leave the poor fucker alone.
Shut up, you little man!
You've only got to see the newer, younger comedians in the Tony Blair film.
You've got Stephen Mangan, very successful in his own right, and Ross Noble.
There's clearly a reverence there for the Comic Strip generation.
These guys are enthusiastic about appearing in a Comic Strip film.
'They're happy to kind of be absorbed and honoured, in a way.'
ON RADIO: 'The hunt for Tony Blair continues with an unconfirmed report
'that he's driving a blue Ford Anglia.
'Police advise everyone not to approach the ex-Prime Minister, as he could be a danger...'
Don't be so hysterical. Bloody media! Danger to the public?
TYRES SCREECH
Aaargh!
Oh, shit! I killed again!
'I got this thing through saying,'
"Do you want to be in a Comic Strip film?"
I was like, "They've probably got the wrong person there.
'"Do you want to double check and make sure?"
'I knew roughly who was in it but it wasn't till I turned up on the day
'and I started reading the cast list and went, "Oh, Christ! Really?"'
It was one of those things where I thought,
"If he's booked me, all his old mates have obviously told him to piss off!"
'It's that thing of going, "Oh, God! I could sink this!
'LAUGHING: "I'm only in one scene!"'
Blimey, is that legal?
Oh, sorry. Bit of a tight spot.
And I saw it once in a film.
SLURRED: I-I know who you are. It's Tony Blair!
I voted for you, Tony!
I'll never forget that night.
# Things can only get better... #
Thank you, but I'm travelling incognito, so...
CONTINUES HUMMING DRUNKENLY
The whole alternative comedy scene came from Peter and that lot,
who influenced everyone, really.
WOMAN: Tony.
'Oh, heck, Carole Caplin. Just what I didn't need back in my life.'
I was wondering whether you'd show up here.
Just the car you want, is it?
To be honest, I didn't know you were here. I thought Cherie had had you evicted.
She did, but I changed the locks.
Well, that shows spirit.
A stylistic layer of detachment allows them to get away with a lot.
'In The Hunt For Tony Blair, you have this '50s film noir,
'misty streets, slicked-back hair kind of milieu that allowed them'
to take a lot of liberties and yet be fairly brash,
'and blunt and tackle the Blair era head-on, not pull any punches.'
Tony, Robin Cook's here. What the hell is going on?
We're already at war with the Taliban and you want to make an unprovoked attack against Iraq?
What are you? Insane?
No, that's not a war. That's a crusade.
This is a proper war, with tanks and everything.
We were told lies to start a war
for reasons which I still don't understand and which nobody's felt the need to explain to us.
Yeah, I thought, "Right on." You know?
"This'll rattle some cages."
And it's about time. There was some stuff that needed to be said.
Um...
And I'm glad that we were the guys that did it.
Got a lot of people thinking.
"Should they make more Comic Strip Presents?" for one!
I look back on its influence on me, in terms of what I do now.
I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now if it wasn't for the Comic Strip to blaze that trail.
AS SELF: 'That brings to an end the first part of the Comic Strip story.
'The last word comes from the founder of the group, Peter Richardson.'
Look, I've had a great deal of fun with The Comic Strip.
And now we're on the Gold channel, things are looking rather good.
I've got a place to stay and the future's beginning to look sunny.
CLAP OF THUNDER
Oh, shit!
CAR ALARM BLARES
RAIN THUNDERS DOWN