1
00:00:14,601 --> 00:00:16,367
- hey, man.
my name's jeff.
2
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,267
I'm trying to lock down
the rest of my schedule
3
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:19,734
Before the deadline.
4
00:00:19,767 --> 00:00:21,400
I heard this class
was a cakewalk.
5
00:00:21,434 --> 00:00:22,868
Are you passing it?
6
00:00:22,901 --> 00:00:24,400
Do you like dane cook?
7
00:00:24,434 --> 00:00:25,701
- yeah, he's awesome.
8
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,133
- so far so good.
9
00:00:28,167 --> 00:00:29,801
- death...
10
00:00:29,834 --> 00:00:31,868
So-called...
11
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:35,901
Is a thing
that makes men weep.
12
00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:40,501
And yet a third of life
is spent
13
00:00:40,534 --> 00:00:42,567
In sleep.
14
00:00:42,601 --> 00:00:44,934
Open your textbooks
to page 37.
15
00:00:47,067 --> 00:00:51,133
Now...close them
and throw them away.
16
00:00:53,267 --> 00:00:56,033
Throw it away!
[laughs]
17
00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:57,467
Throw it away!
18
00:00:57,501 --> 00:00:59,400
For those of you
who are new,
19
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:02,100
The motto of this class:
carpe diem.
20
00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:03,801
"seize the day!"
21
00:01:03,834 --> 00:01:05,601
No tests! no papers.
22
00:01:05,634 --> 00:01:06,868
You want an "a"?
23
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:10,801
Live in...
24
00:01:10,834 --> 00:01:13,968
The moment.
25
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,200
- jackpot.
- take off your shoes.
26
00:01:16,234 --> 00:01:18,367
Quick. take off your shoes.
everyone, take your shoes off.
27
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,701
Throw them away.
28
00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:21,067
Throw them across the room
over there.
29
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,367
Today, we learn to walk!
30
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,234
Get up and walk out the door!
31
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:26,400
This day could be your last!
32
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,667
You could die in your sleep.
33
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:29,267
You could get hit by a bus.
34
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:30,567
You, that mole is raised
and dark.
35
00:01:30,601 --> 00:01:32,067
It's not a good combo.
36
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:33,968
You are new.
- yes, i'm new.
37
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,367
But i'll be old too soon.
38
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,000
Carpe diem, sir.
carpe diem!
39
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:40,567
- [laughs] i like it!
40
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:44,267
- voice command.
[phone beeps]
41
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:46,334
Voice command.
[beep]
42
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,267
Voice command.
[beep]
43
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,400
Voice command.
[beep]
44
00:01:50,434 --> 00:01:52,067
Voice command!
[beep]
45
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:55,234
[clears throat]
46
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:58,167
Voice com--
[beep]
47
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,133
- would you please use
the buttons?
48
00:02:00,167 --> 00:02:03,634
- okay, grandpa.
49
00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:04,901
- [high-pitched sneeze]
50
00:02:04,934 --> 00:02:07,000
- oh, god bless you, dear.
51
00:02:07,033 --> 00:02:09,534
[laughter]
- what's so funny?
52
00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:12,834
- you guys, i found it.
the ultimate blow-off class.
53
00:02:12,868 --> 00:02:14,067
Professor whitman.
54
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,067
he thinks
he's in dead poets society.
55
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:18,167
There's no tests.
there's no work.
56
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,934
It's just "day seizing."
57
00:02:20,968 --> 00:02:22,667
The deadline to enroll
is tomorrow.
58
00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:24,133
I suggest you all do it.
59
00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:26,767
- well, some of us are here
to actually learn things.
60
00:02:26,801 --> 00:02:30,033
- i'm in.
- me too. it sounds educational.
61
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,801
- i'll do it.
i love robin williams.
62
00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:33,000
- abed?
- not a fan.
63
00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:34,334
In every movie,
there's an authority figure
64
00:02:34,367 --> 00:02:35,634
That gets mad at him
for making people laugh.
65
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:37,367
- no, are--are you going
to take the class?
66
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,701
- oh, can't.
67
00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:39,901
My dad will only pay
for classes
68
00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:41,501
That will help me run
the family restaurant.
69
00:02:41,534 --> 00:02:43,033
It's been struggling
since 2001.
70
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:45,334
9/11 was pretty much the 9/11
of the falafel business.
71
00:02:45,367 --> 00:02:48,667
- so your dad has your whole
life planned out for you?
72
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,667
Are you even interested
in falafel?
73
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:52,133
- i'm interested
in making movies.
74
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:53,834
But my dad says
all media's western propaganda
75
00:02:53,868 --> 00:02:55,234
That negatively stereotypes
arabs.
76
00:02:55,267 --> 00:02:57,801
- then he should see aladdin.
jafar was a bad-ass.
77
00:02:57,834 --> 00:02:59,234
- yes, he was.
78
00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:01,534
- abed.
- mm.
79
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:02,868
- how much
does a film class cost?
80
00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:05,834
- $70.
81
00:03:05,868 --> 00:03:09,033
- britta.
- jeff.
82
00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:10,334
- britta.
83
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:13,267
- isn't abed's dad
a hardcore muslim?
84
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:14,834
They're not as understanding
as christians.
85
00:03:14,868 --> 00:03:16,467
You can get your head cut off
with a salami sword.
86
00:03:16,501 --> 00:03:18,000
- shirley!
87
00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:19,834
That's the most racist thing
i've ever heard.
88
00:03:19,868 --> 00:03:21,567
- pierce will beat that
in one minute.
89
00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:22,701
[watch beeps]
90
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,868
- this is really nice of you.
the memo says "for dreams."
91
00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:31,400
- oh!
92
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,367
- you guys, are we going
to study spanish
93
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,734
Or keep getting involved
in each other's personal lives?
94
00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:38,634
- [high-pitched sneeze]
- hey, troy sneezes like a girl.
95
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,400
- and how about i pound you
like a boy?
96
00:03:40,434 --> 00:03:41,701
That didn't come out right.
97
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:43,100
- why don't you all
just leave him alone
98
00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:44,634
With his cute little
baby sneezes.
99
00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:47,367
- you're not my mother.
- she's not?
100
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,267
- 29 seconds.
101
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:53,400
- * give me some rope,
time in a tree *
102
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:56,734
* give me the hope
to run out of steam *
103
00:03:56,767 --> 00:04:00,033
* somebody said
we could be here *
104
00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:04,033
* we could roped up, tied up,
dead in a year *
105
00:04:04,067 --> 00:04:09,133
* i can't count the reasons
i should stay *
106
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:13,667
* one by one they all
just fade away *
107
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,667
- what's your name?
- my name is shirley bennett.
108
00:04:20,701 --> 00:04:22,634
- shirley, you get an "a"...
- oh.
109
00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:26,167
- if you can tell me
why you are here at greendale.
110
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,767
- what'd i tell you?
111
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:31,000
Okay, but, uh,
never again.
112
00:04:31,033 --> 00:04:32,300
- shirley?
113
00:04:32,334 --> 00:04:33,934
- to get a degree in business
114
00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:37,133
So i can sell my baked goods
and whatnot on the internet.
115
00:04:37,167 --> 00:04:39,234
- why...are you here?
116
00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:41,100
- to get a degree
in business
117
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:43,100
So i can sell my baked goods
and whatnot on the internet.
118
00:04:43,133 --> 00:04:46,267
- why are you here?
119
00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:48,601
- because i wasted 15 years
of my life on a man
120
00:04:48,634 --> 00:04:50,100
Who left me with nothing
but stretch marks
121
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:51,968
And a foggy memory
of two bland orgasms.
122
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,434
And now it's time to get
what's mine.
123
00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:56,601
- day seized.
124
00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:58,767
[applause]
125
00:04:58,801 --> 00:05:01,100
Only when we stop
stopping our lives
126
00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:04,000
Can we begin to start
starting them.
127
00:05:04,033 --> 00:05:07,100
Ms. edison here, for example,
would rather write
128
00:05:07,133 --> 00:05:08,501
About what happens
to other people
129
00:05:08,534 --> 00:05:10,934
Than live
what is happening to her.
130
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,767
- i thought there might be
a quiz.
131
00:05:12,801 --> 00:05:14,467
- well, here's a quiz for you.
132
00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:17,701
Why did the pretty young girl
die alone
133
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,734
Surrounded
by sweater-wearing cats
134
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:23,167
Who are trained to use
human toilets?
135
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,801
Get up on your desk.
136
00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:28,801
Come on.
stand on your desk.
137
00:05:28,834 --> 00:05:30,868
Up on your desk.
138
00:05:30,901 --> 00:05:33,467
She made it!
ha ha!
139
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,133
Everyone stand
on your desks!
140
00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:36,868
Up, up, up, up, up!
come on.
141
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:40,267
Rise, rise, rise
above the programming.
142
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,868
All your lives you were told
don't stand on your desks.
143
00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:44,267
Well, why not?
144
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,734
[desk collapses]
- ooh! ooh! oh, heaven.
145
00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:49,300
My.
- she's okay.
146
00:05:49,334 --> 00:05:52,167
Go to the nurse.
seize the day.
147
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,601
- you know, i was really moved
by your honesty earlier.
148
00:05:55,634 --> 00:05:58,133
Particularly the part
about your husband
149
00:05:58,167 --> 00:05:59,767
Not being able,
you know...
150
00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:03,033
- your homework. ah.
151
00:06:03,067 --> 00:06:05,133
I want you to swim in a lake
152
00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:08,234
And tell ten people
that you love them.
153
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:11,400
Mr. winger,
can i have a word, please?
154
00:06:11,434 --> 00:06:14,334
- are you okay.
- oh, maybe i'm not.
155
00:06:14,367 --> 00:06:15,801
- hi.
156
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,434
Mr. winger, i like to think
that every life
157
00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:20,567
That passes through this class
is changed.
158
00:06:20,601 --> 00:06:23,167
But every year, there's always
one cocky opportunist
159
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,567
Who's just here to coast
and grab an easy "a."
160
00:06:25,601 --> 00:06:28,701
- oh, yeah.
his name's pierce.
161
00:06:28,734 --> 00:06:29,868
I-i can talk to him
for you.
162
00:06:29,901 --> 00:06:32,200
- 's actually you,
mr. winger.
163
00:06:32,234 --> 00:06:34,634
You have no intention
of seizing the day.
164
00:06:34,667 --> 00:06:37,067
- what? listen,
i-i have never lived
165
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:38,801
Until i met you.
166
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:40,234
I-i love you.
167
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,701
Oh, there's one down.
nine to go.
168
00:06:42,734 --> 00:06:44,367
Not that i need the grade
or even want it!
169
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,701
- well, i'm glad to hear it.
170
00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:48,234
Because if you don't genuinely
seize the day
171
00:06:48,267 --> 00:06:49,968
Before the end of the week,
172
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,367
Then you will be seizing an "f"
for the semester.
173
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,100
- you...
174
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:58,601
This is no way
to teach accounting!
175
00:06:58,634 --> 00:07:00,400
- i have to plan
in advance
176
00:07:00,434 --> 00:07:03,200
How to prove that i live
in the moment.
177
00:07:03,234 --> 00:07:04,601
I mean, i'd rather take
an actual class,
178
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:05,901
But now it's too late
to drop or add.
179
00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:10,834
- it is not fair how hard it is
for you to cheat here.
180
00:07:10,868 --> 00:07:12,734
[inhales]
hey, how's it going?
181
00:07:12,767 --> 00:07:14,133
How's your film class,
buddy?
182
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,267
- it's cool. our first
assignment is a documentary.
183
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:18,133
They're like real movies,
but with ugly people.
184
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:19,601
I'm learning a lot.
- that is so wonderful.
185
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:21,133
Some people don't like
getting involved
186
00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:22,133
In other's lives.
187
00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:23,234
I think it's great.
188
00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:24,634
- hey, if you're making
a documentary
189
00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:26,734
About britta patting herself
on the back,
190
00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:28,133
You're gonna need
a backup battery.
191
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:29,567
- actually, i'm doing a movie
about my dad.
192
00:07:29,601 --> 00:07:30,901
- that is brilliant.
193
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:32,767
How did he react to you
signing up for the film class?
194
00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:34,767
- that part hasn't happened yet.
here he comes.
195
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:38,033
- hey! you want to get involved
in my family's business?
196
00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:40,167
- holy...war.
197
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:44,000
- where do i find mr. britta?
- i'm mr. britta.
198
00:07:44,033 --> 00:07:46,834
That's right.
i'm a woman with rights.
199
00:07:46,868 --> 00:07:49,100
And you can see
my whole face.
200
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:50,934
- oh, i get it!
201
00:07:50,968 --> 00:07:52,834
Because i'm arab,
i must hate women.
202
00:07:52,868 --> 00:07:55,367
Let me tell you something,
i love women.
203
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,000
But i'm getting a major
b-word vibe from you.
204
00:07:58,033 --> 00:07:59,801
- wow, i can't believe
i missed out
205
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:01,467
On getting involved
in this.
206
00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:02,834
- you go host american idol
207
00:08:02,868 --> 00:08:04,067
And you stop messing
with my son.
208
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,801
He's a special boy.
209
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:07,834
I raise him, okay?
you don't raise him.
210
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:10,200
- raising him means letting him
follow his dreams.
211
00:08:10,234 --> 00:08:11,901
- dreams are for sleeping.
- you don't know that.
212
00:08:11,934 --> 00:08:13,734
- it's clinically proven.
- so's polio.
213
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,634
- you lost me!
214
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:17,701
- abed wants to study film.
215
00:08:17,734 --> 00:08:19,734
- [speaking arabic]
216
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,868
- wait, what is he saying?
- he says "we're leaving."
217
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,734
- tell him that you want
to stay and study film.
218
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:25,133
- i don't think i'm really
in the scene.
219
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:27,033
- see, it was hard enough
to talk to him before.
220
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:29,033
Now we have this between us!
221
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:30,367
Let's go!
- hey! hey!
222
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,367
- hey, don't touch me!
223
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:32,634
- guys, guys, stop it.
stop it.
224
00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:34,667
- you don't touch me!
- britta back up. stop.
225
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:37,167
Sir, you have a right
to your faith
226
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,734
And your family's privacy.
227
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:41,934
But abed is an adult
and a u.s. citizen.
228
00:08:41,968 --> 00:08:43,734
Right?
- yeah.
229
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:45,534
- and he has the right
to stay.
230
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:49,968
- fine. you want to raise him,
you raise him.
231
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,234
I'm out!
- wait, what?
232
00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:54,534
- you know, i had a father
like you.
233
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,701
And the day i finally
cut myself loose
234
00:08:56,734 --> 00:09:01,901
[crying] is the day
i finally started being happy.
235
00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:03,901
- well, that went well.
236
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,634
- i'll have to make
some adjustments to my film.
237
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:08,100
Jeff, i think you should play
the role of my father.
238
00:09:08,133 --> 00:09:09,567
- i don't want to be
your father.
239
00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:11,234
- that's perfect.
you already know your lines.
240
00:09:16,118 --> 00:09:18,283
What?
241
00:09:18,317 --> 00:09:21,250
Why are you dressed
like an '80s rapist?
242
00:09:21,283 --> 00:09:23,283
- professor whitman
comes by here every morning
243
00:09:23,317 --> 00:09:27,550
And i need him to see me
celebrating life.
244
00:09:27,584 --> 00:09:28,584
What's all that?
245
00:09:28,617 --> 00:09:30,417
- i am calculating
abed's expenses
246
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:31,784
For the semester.
247
00:09:31,817 --> 00:09:32,951
You know, there's books.
there's meals.
248
00:09:32,984 --> 00:09:34,151
He's renting that camera.
249
00:09:34,184 --> 00:09:36,118
And, you know, he needs
a little spending money.
250
00:09:36,151 --> 00:09:38,250
- um, all money
is spending money.
251
00:09:38,283 --> 00:09:41,317
- britta, um, it's amazing
what you're doing for abed.
252
00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:42,751
I mean, a lot of people talk
a good game.
253
00:09:42,784 --> 00:09:46,450
But you, you follow through.
love you.
254
00:09:46,484 --> 00:09:49,151
- shirley, thank you.
255
00:09:49,184 --> 00:09:50,917
Bet that doesn't happen
to you a lot.
256
00:09:50,951 --> 00:09:52,017
- happened yesterday.
257
00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:53,350
Shirley's just doing
her homework.
258
00:09:53,383 --> 00:09:55,784
- hillary, thank you
for getting people coffee.
259
00:09:55,817 --> 00:09:57,317
I love you.
260
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,350
- abed,
how's it going, buddy?
261
00:10:02,383 --> 00:10:03,951
- good. my film
is coming together.
262
00:10:03,984 --> 00:10:04,951
Cool tie, jeff.
263
00:10:04,984 --> 00:10:06,184
Are you wearing that
264
00:10:06,218 --> 00:10:07,584
Because you're playing
the role of my dad,
265
00:10:07,617 --> 00:10:08,584
Or is it really christmas?
266
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:09,584
- definitely christmas.
267
00:10:09,617 --> 00:10:10,751
- is that a new camera?
- yeah.
268
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:11,917
It's more expensive,
269
00:10:11,951 --> 00:10:13,584
But it lets me adjust
really specific settings
270
00:10:13,617 --> 00:10:15,283
That most people don't notice
or think about.
271
00:10:15,317 --> 00:10:17,350
Hi, i would like a latte.
272
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,684
And, jeff,
let me get you something.
273
00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:20,017
- i'm okay.
- oh, come on. i got you.
274
00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:21,450
- no, really.
i don't need anything.
275
00:10:21,484 --> 00:10:22,817
- no, really.
you're insulting me.
276
00:10:22,851 --> 00:10:23,984
Look at all this cash.
277
00:10:24,017 --> 00:10:26,784
- okay, i will get
a small, black coffee.
278
00:10:26,817 --> 00:10:31,350
- boo. an ordinary coffee
for an ordinary life.
279
00:10:31,383 --> 00:10:34,450
- [perky] good morning,
professor whitman.
280
00:10:34,484 --> 00:10:38,283
- sorry, mr. winger,
these won't cut it.
281
00:10:38,317 --> 00:10:41,017
- shazbot!
- i shall have...
282
00:10:44,851 --> 00:10:46,984
A birthday cake!
283
00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:50,017
- [high-pitched sneeze]
284
00:10:50,051 --> 00:10:53,118
[laughter]
285
00:10:55,584 --> 00:10:58,517
- i've seen men
in your situation, troy.
286
00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:00,484
No, those are both for me.
287
00:11:00,517 --> 00:11:02,684
You were
on top of the world before
288
00:11:02,717 --> 00:11:04,317
And now no one
gives a rat's ass.
289
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,417
I can help you
with your image.
290
00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:08,051
First, lose the jacket.
291
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,617
You look
like a high school bitch.
292
00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:11,784
But more importantly,
it's your sneeze.
293
00:11:11,817 --> 00:11:13,118
When i was a ceo,
294
00:11:13,151 --> 00:11:16,151
I had an array
of masculine sneezes
295
00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:18,250
That asserted dominance.
296
00:11:18,283 --> 00:11:19,751
You know, like,
the explosive,
297
00:11:19,784 --> 00:11:21,584
Shock-the-room-into-silence
sneeze.
298
00:11:21,617 --> 00:11:24,184
The [deafening sneeze]
299
00:11:24,218 --> 00:11:25,517
[shouts incoherently]
300
00:11:27,184 --> 00:11:29,118
Or the draw-them-in sneeze.
301
00:11:29,151 --> 00:11:33,184
You know...
[gasping convulsively]
302
00:11:33,218 --> 00:11:37,084
And maybe i wouldn't sneeze
because i'm in control.
303
00:11:37,118 --> 00:11:39,584
You could even use a sneeze
to drive home a point even.
304
00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:41,218
Like, i think--
i think the cubs
305
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:42,684
Are going to win it all
this year.
306
00:11:42,717 --> 00:11:43,884
[violently clipped sneeze]
307
00:11:43,917 --> 00:11:46,650
[sniffs]
308
00:11:46,684 --> 00:11:48,817
What do you think?
309
00:11:48,851 --> 00:11:50,584
- tell me more.
310
00:12:00,617 --> 00:12:03,118
- it's showtime.
311
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:07,184
Hey, everybody.
good morning.
312
00:12:07,218 --> 00:12:08,784
Good morning, sir.
313
00:12:08,817 --> 00:12:12,184
Good morning, greendale!
hi! good morning!
314
00:12:12,218 --> 00:12:15,184
Watch the kite.
uh-oh.
315
00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:18,350
Mind if i get a chance?
oh!
316
00:12:18,383 --> 00:12:19,417
Look at this.
one foot.
317
00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:22,751
[laughing]
318
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,283
Thanks, you guys.
bring it in here.
319
00:12:24,317 --> 00:12:25,784
Nice. thank you so much,
you guys.
320
00:12:25,817 --> 00:12:29,417
That was really fun.
321
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:30,584
- sloppy.
322
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,484
And considering the age
of these girls,
323
00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:33,817
Unwittingly creepy.
324
00:12:33,851 --> 00:12:37,051
- damn it.
325
00:12:37,084 --> 00:12:38,218
Beat it.
326
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:39,817
Professor, will you look
at the amount of work
327
00:12:39,851 --> 00:12:40,951
That i'm putting into this?
328
00:12:40,984 --> 00:12:42,383
I mean, throw me a bone!
329
00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:45,383
- had i not already cried
at the sunrise this morning,
330
00:12:45,417 --> 00:12:47,751
I would be weeping right now.
331
00:12:47,784 --> 00:12:51,283
- what does that mean?
- what do you mean, jeff?
332
00:12:51,317 --> 00:12:53,017
What does your life mean?
333
00:12:53,051 --> 00:12:54,751
How long does it take you
in the morning
334
00:12:54,784 --> 00:12:56,484
To--to make it look
like you have bed head?
335
00:12:56,517 --> 00:12:59,317
How many sweat pants,
sport jacket combos did you try
336
00:12:59,350 --> 00:13:02,751
Before you found the one
that said "i don't care"?
337
00:13:02,784 --> 00:13:05,717
Seize the day, jeff,
for real.
338
00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:07,184
Go running naked
in a hailstorm,
339
00:13:07,218 --> 00:13:08,684
Kiss a girl in the middle
of the day,
340
00:13:08,717 --> 00:13:11,650
Fly a kite,
but do it for yourself.
341
00:13:11,684 --> 00:13:14,584
Or you won't just fail
my class,
342
00:13:14,617 --> 00:13:18,851
You'll fail life.
343
00:13:23,084 --> 00:13:25,650
- thank you.
344
00:13:25,684 --> 00:13:27,517
That guy's
really got your number.
345
00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:28,851
- drop the flower.
346
00:13:28,884 --> 00:13:30,517
- look, i really need
to talk to you about abed.
347
00:13:30,550 --> 00:13:32,350
I went by his film class today.
he wasn't there.
348
00:13:32,383 --> 00:13:33,650
He's cutting.
349
00:13:33,684 --> 00:13:36,151
I want to know why he would do
something like that.
350
00:13:36,184 --> 00:13:37,484
- ask him.
351
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,817
- every time i try to ask him
about it,
352
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,084
He just keeps filming me
and telling me
353
00:13:41,118 --> 00:13:43,017
That i'm playing the role
of his mother.
354
00:13:43,051 --> 00:13:45,517
- abed is not normal.
355
00:13:45,550 --> 00:13:47,417
That's what you bought
356
00:13:47,450 --> 00:13:51,184
When you intentionally tangled
yourself in his life.
357
00:13:51,218 --> 00:13:53,917
- look, will you just--
will you please talk to him?
358
00:13:53,951 --> 00:13:55,250
- i've got problems of my own!
359
00:13:55,283 --> 00:13:56,684
I'm out here trying
to seize a day!
360
00:14:00,951 --> 00:14:04,550
What in the hell?
361
00:14:04,584 --> 00:14:08,051
Is he gonna kill us?
362
00:14:08,084 --> 00:14:12,184
- thanks for the pizza, abed.
i was starving.
363
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,184
- yeah, it's nice.
like a--like a picnic.
364
00:14:14,218 --> 00:14:15,751
- or a family dinner.
365
00:14:15,784 --> 00:14:16,917
- it's a study group
and a pizza.
366
00:14:16,951 --> 00:14:19,684
Let's not get carried away.
367
00:14:19,717 --> 00:14:22,550
[britta clears throat]
368
00:14:22,584 --> 00:14:25,317
[clears throat louder]
369
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:28,317
- so, abed,
how's film class?
370
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,250
- good.
371
00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,084
- yeah? did you go
to class today?
372
00:14:32,118 --> 00:14:33,484
- not really.
- not really.
373
00:14:33,517 --> 00:14:35,151
Well, britta's paying
for those classes.
374
00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:36,550
Don't you think
maybe you should go?
375
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:37,884
- i was shooting my movie.
376
00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,350
- yeah, but your movie's
for class.
377
00:14:39,383 --> 00:14:42,250
- my movie's more important.
- well, ooh la la.
378
00:14:42,283 --> 00:14:44,218
- someone order
seven lattes?
379
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:47,051
- i got that.
- no, you don't got it.
380
00:14:47,084 --> 00:14:49,650
I got it, abed.
i got everything.
381
00:14:49,684 --> 00:14:51,917
What is wrong with you?
382
00:14:51,951 --> 00:14:53,484
All i want to do
is take care of you.
383
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,317
I know you're not stupid.
are you doing this on purpose?
384
00:14:59,417 --> 00:15:01,084
Why won't you answer me?
385
00:15:01,118 --> 00:15:02,250
- 'cause this is the scene
where you leave.
386
00:15:02,283 --> 00:15:04,650
- you better believe it.
387
00:15:04,684 --> 00:15:07,317
- britta.
388
00:15:11,151 --> 00:15:12,283
- what do you think, dad?
389
00:15:12,317 --> 00:15:16,317
- i think you are
really weird, abed.
390
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:17,751
And i think the wrong person
just left.
391
00:15:23,051 --> 00:15:24,684
- perfect.
that's a wrap.
392
00:15:27,784 --> 00:15:29,784
- that guy was your dad?
393
00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:35,518
- hey.
- hey.
394
00:15:35,550 --> 00:15:37,884
You don't really have tickets
for ravi shankar, do you?
395
00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:39,750
- i lied to get you here
396
00:15:39,784 --> 00:15:41,550
Because it's time
to communicate.
397
00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:44,284
- communicate.
have you met abed?
398
00:15:44,317 --> 00:15:45,950
- it's not the two of you
that need to talk.
399
00:15:45,984 --> 00:15:48,351
- hey, wait a minute,
where's weezer?
400
00:15:48,384 --> 00:15:49,351
- they're coming.
401
00:15:49,384 --> 00:15:50,451
All right, now,
the only reason
402
00:15:50,484 --> 00:15:51,717
Why this whole mess
got started
403
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,850
Is because both of you wanted
the best for abed.
404
00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:57,984
And i think the lesson
we can all take away from this
405
00:15:58,017 --> 00:16:00,351
Is that everyone
should always do
406
00:16:00,384 --> 00:16:05,117
Whatever they want
and leave each other out of it.
407
00:16:05,151 --> 00:16:08,184
- is that your take?
let me give you mine.
408
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,750
You and your pillow-lipped
girlfriend
409
00:16:09,784 --> 00:16:12,550
Got all up in my stuff
because you wanted to be cowboys
410
00:16:12,583 --> 00:16:14,550
And then you turned chicken
when you found out
411
00:16:14,583 --> 00:16:17,550
It will take more than speeches
and guided missiles.
412
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:20,317
- interesting. hadn't seen
the iraq metaphor, but--
413
00:16:20,351 --> 00:16:21,484
- what iraq metaphor?
414
00:16:21,518 --> 00:16:22,984
I am talking
about your speeches
415
00:16:23,017 --> 00:16:24,984
And her guided--
- got it!
416
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,550
The point is is that britta
is sorry, right?
417
00:16:27,583 --> 00:16:28,984
- wrong.
- crap.
418
00:16:29,017 --> 00:16:30,784
- abed may not be
a great filmmaker,
419
00:16:30,817 --> 00:16:33,017
But that doesn't mean
that he wants to make falafel.
420
00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:35,084
You need to let him make
his own decisions.
421
00:16:35,117 --> 00:16:36,184
- make his own decisions?
422
00:16:36,217 --> 00:16:38,251
Have you met abed?
you know who he is?
423
00:16:38,284 --> 00:16:39,518
- guys.
- yes.
424
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:41,017
- guys!
- he loves--
425
00:16:41,051 --> 00:16:42,784
- i'm finished.
426
00:16:44,117 --> 00:16:46,084
Britta, jeff, dad.
427
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:51,784
Dad.
428
00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:01,451
[presses key]
429
00:17:01,484 --> 00:17:03,950
[noisemaker tooting]
430
00:17:08,451 --> 00:17:09,518
[baby crying]
431
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,550
- how's it going, buddy?
432
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,117
- i don't want to be
your father.
433
00:17:15,384 --> 00:17:17,484
[baby crying]
434
00:17:17,518 --> 00:17:19,284
I think
you are weird, abed.
435
00:17:19,317 --> 00:17:21,617
- okay, look, i need to talk
to you about abed.
436
00:17:21,650 --> 00:17:23,217
- he's not normal.
437
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,284
[man screams]
438
00:17:26,317 --> 00:17:27,683
- what is wrong with you?
439
00:17:27,717 --> 00:17:30,917
All i want to do
is take care of you.
440
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,917
Why will you not answer me?
441
00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:36,451
[horse neighs]
442
00:17:36,484 --> 00:17:39,418
[heart monitor beeping]
443
00:17:39,451 --> 00:17:41,384
[flatline]
444
00:17:41,418 --> 00:17:43,817
- what do you think, dad?
445
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:46,217
- i think you are weird,
abed.
446
00:17:46,251 --> 00:17:48,351
And i think the wrong person
just left.
447
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:57,418
- it's not exactly
citizen kane.
448
00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:01,184
- [crying]
449
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,984
- i feel a little out
of the loop here.
450
00:18:25,017 --> 00:18:27,884
- that feeling is called
the joy of freedom.
451
00:18:33,484 --> 00:18:36,051
- my son is hard
to understand.
452
00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:40,317
If making movies help him
be understood,
453
00:18:40,351 --> 00:18:42,051
Then i pay for the class.
454
00:18:50,683 --> 00:18:52,017
- [whispering]
i made this all happen.
455
00:18:52,051 --> 00:18:55,184
- with falafel as a fallback.
456
00:18:59,284 --> 00:19:00,750
- abed.
- yeah.
457
00:19:00,784 --> 00:19:05,184
- did you do all of that
to me on purpose?
458
00:19:05,217 --> 00:19:07,917
That's not a very nice way
to treat your friends.
459
00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:10,917
- well, britta, it isn't called
friend business,
460
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,650
It's called show business.
461
00:19:13,683 --> 00:19:14,750
- he's smoking.
462
00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:17,583
- honey, let him leave
the nest.
463
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:25,251
- get your hand off my knee.
- sorry.
464
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:30,550
- [clamorous sneeze]
465
00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:33,117
- god--god bless you.
god bless you.
466
00:19:33,151 --> 00:19:35,717
- thank you.
467
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:37,583
- for someone who doesn't like
getting involved,
468
00:19:37,617 --> 00:19:40,650
Well, i owe you.
469
00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:42,617
- you owe me.
470
00:19:42,650 --> 00:19:45,117
That cannot be comfortable
for you.
471
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:50,550
- hey, um, you should kiss me
right now.
472
00:20:01,550 --> 00:20:04,518
- day seized!
- we're even.
473
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:07,284
- [laughs]
"a" plus, winger.
474
00:20:07,317 --> 00:20:09,750
I know a life-changing kiss
when i see one.
475
00:20:09,784 --> 00:20:14,518
Wowee! ha ha!
[laughing]
476
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:18,317
- yeah. fooled you.
477
00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:29,484
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