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Sync by honeybunny
Corrected by YesCool and by 4be1
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www.addic7ed.com
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The Bernoulli distribution
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is the number of successes
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00:02:33,117 --> 00:02:34,617
in a sequence of independent
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yes-no experiments.
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Okay.
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Uh, for the Quiz Monday,
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00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:45,117
brush up on chapters three and four.
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Bernoulli's one of my favorites.
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Little-known fact,
statistics were not his only love.
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He's also famous for his French sauce
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00:02:51,150 --> 00:02:52,117
used on meat and poultry.
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That's Bearnaise.
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Oh, we may need
to settle this at a restaurant.
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It's cute.
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00:02:56,917 --> 00:02:58,284
A little aggressive,
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but as a busy,
confident woman of authority,
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I'm attracted to men who take charge.
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Are you being sarcastic,
or am I nailing it?
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00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,250
You were nailing it,
until you had to ask.
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Oh, damn it. Starting over.
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Hey, you in the skirt, date me.
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00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:09,917
I'd like to, Mr. Winger.
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You're tall, you dress nice,
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00:03:11,117 --> 00:03:12,384
and I've graded enough of your tests
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00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:14,084
to know I'd never feel
mentally inadequate.
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00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,217
Thank you.
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00:03:15,284 --> 00:03:17,150
Only problem, I don't date students.
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00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,017
You know if you agree
to go out with me...
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00:03:22,084 --> 00:03:23,017
Oh, hey.
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00:03:23,084 --> 00:03:24,017
Awkward.
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00:03:24,084 --> 00:03:25,217
How small is this campus?
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00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:26,751
Bastard.
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It's fine. I don't care.
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00:03:28,517 --> 00:03:29,883
It's disgusting the way men behave.
37
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:31,651
Did you ever see that
Katherine Heigl movie poster
38
00:03:31,718 --> 00:03:33,584
where Gerard Butler had
that heart over his weiner?
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That resonated with me.
40
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Okay, fine.
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00:03:35,684 --> 00:03:36,617
But just to repeat,
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I don't care what Jeff does.
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Bastard.
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00:03:38,684 --> 00:03:39,651
I'm barely a student.
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00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:40,651
I'm older than you.
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00:03:40,718 --> 00:03:41,950
I drive a Lexus.
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00:03:42,017 --> 00:03:43,184
I saw "Ghost Busters" in the theater.
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Look, my gums are receding.
49
00:03:44,751 --> 00:03:47,451
It's uncanny how many
of my buttons you're finding,
50
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,651
but I have a personal rule about this,
and I stick to it.
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00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:51,784
Have a cup of coffee with me.
I bet I can change your mind.
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00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,184
Oh, I know you can.
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00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,184
That's why you're not
getting the chance.
54
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:59,117
Ooh, whoo.
55
00:03:59,184 --> 00:04:01,584
Are you coming to my
Dias de los Muertos party?
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00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:03,150
I'm definitely gonna try to swing by.
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00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:05,117
Then I can mark you down
as definitely being there
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00:04:05,184 --> 00:04:07,351
from 7:00 sharp till upside-down
Spanish question mark?
59
00:04:07,417 --> 00:04:09,050
- Here's the thing...
- No, here's the thing.
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I am putting my foot down.
You understand?
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00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,617
I am being assertive,
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00:04:12,684 --> 00:04:14,584
and I am making eye contact,
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and it is achieving results.
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00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:17,850
Are you trying to get
formidable with me?
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00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:18,917
It worked on Pierce.
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00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:20,617
Infomercials work on Pierce.
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00:04:20,684 --> 00:04:23,751
Jeff, you're the cool guy, okay?
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00:04:23,818 --> 00:04:26,617
If you show up,
it'll be the first party I host
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00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:27,950
where everyone doesn't say
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they need to get home
in time for the news.
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00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:32,684
This won't work.
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00:04:32,751 --> 00:04:33,850
The last time you did this,
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00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:35,217
I saved a vial of your tears
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00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:36,983
and have been slowly
building up an immunity.
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00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,684
I was so unpopular in high school,
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the crossing guard used to
lure me into traffic.
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This party is a second chance
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00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,551
to be...
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Hip.
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Cool!
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Laidback!
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Look, I will come to your party.
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Thank you.
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I'm putting you down for two bags of ice
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00:04:57,517 --> 00:04:59,983
and a sleeve of paper cups.
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00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,983
Taking a pill?
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00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,184
- Yes, I am.
- Xenolovaden.
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00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,850
My grandpa took that
when he was around your age.
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00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:23,751
Fantastic.
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00:05:23,818 --> 00:05:24,983
But by the time grandpa got up in years,
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his memory wasn't great.
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He'd mix the wrong pills.
You know how old people are?
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Heard stories about it, yeah.
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One time he started hallucinating
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00:05:30,351 --> 00:05:31,718
and ran down the street
with no pants on.
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00:05:31,784 --> 00:05:33,551
Which in the Gaza Strip
is considered a real party foul,
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so you should probably be careful...
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00:05:35,184 --> 00:05:37,317
Look, I really don't need your advice,
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and I'm not your pantsless grandpa.
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Pantsless grandpa.
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Hola!
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Scary.
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Oh, cute! Cute.
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00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,684
Oh, Britta.
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You look adorable.
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Thank you.
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00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,850
I hate when women use Halloween
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as an excuse to dress up
like sluts, you know?
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Yeah.
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00:06:02,317 --> 00:06:04,351
Okay, everyone.
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00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:06,417
I think we can begin.
112
00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:09,417
I've got everyone's
personalized cookie tombstones,
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00:06:09,484 --> 00:06:11,250
por tradicion,
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00:06:11,317 --> 00:06:12,551
and in a few minutes,
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we're going to start
the dance of the dead...
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La danza de los muertos.
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You don't have to keep doing that!
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Party on.
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It's nice of you to be here.
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Sure you'd rather be out
with your hot professor.
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Well, it's funny,
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I enrolled here as selfish loner,
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but you and the group have given me
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a crash course in friendship.
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- She blew you off, huh?
- She's grading papers.
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Professor Slater?
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She's not grading papers.
128
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She's at the faculty party
in the cafeteria.
129
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Oh, look, it's the eavesdropping matador.
130
00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:45,617
Are you saying my people are sneaky?
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What?
132
00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:48,184
There's a storm
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building on the horizon,
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but you and I will save the night.
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Chex mix, pretzels, baby carrots,
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predictable but appetizing.
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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Can I ask you something
I always wanted to ask
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- the real Batman?
- Yeah.
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00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:04,484
Am I good looking?
141
00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:06,217
You're a very attractive young man.
142
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I knew it.
143
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Let's get this party started!
144
00:07:13,351 --> 00:07:14,684
Who are you?
145
00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:18,050
I am the Beastmaster.
146
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From the movie Beastmaster.
147
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,417
What rock have you been living under?
148
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,917
What are you going as?
149
00:07:24,983 --> 00:07:26,917
A gay douchebag? Just kidding.
150
00:07:26,983 --> 00:07:28,818
Nice one. I'm not much
of a costume guy.
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00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,050
I know, you're not much
152
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,584
of a liking the ladies guy either, huh?
153
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:36,217
Oop. Body blow. Is that liquor?
154
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Hello.
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Here's your drinks, mates.
156
00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:39,284
Oh, thanks, Urkel.
157
00:07:39,351 --> 00:07:40,451
I'm Harry Potter.
158
00:07:40,517 --> 00:07:41,617
Really?
159
00:07:41,684 --> 00:07:44,217
What up, Urkel?
160
00:07:52,751 --> 00:07:54,150
Hey.
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00:07:54,217 --> 00:07:56,284
Oh...
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All right. What are you taking?
163
00:07:59,983 --> 00:08:02,084
You know, the usual cool stuff.
164
00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:04,917
I've got 'ludes, uh, dreamers...
165
00:08:04,983 --> 00:08:05,950
Johnny boys.
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00:08:06,017 --> 00:08:06,950
Tell you what.
167
00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:08,684
I'll trade you one of mine
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00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:10,651
for two of yours. Hmm?
169
00:08:10,718 --> 00:08:12,950
I don't know, Star-Burns. I'm...
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00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:14,250
Oh, sorry.
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00:08:14,317 --> 00:08:15,950
I thought I was dealing
with the Beastmaster.
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Hey, hey, who said you weren't?
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Saddle up, fruit pie.
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I don't mind if I do, may I?
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Here. take this.
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Give anyone that shows up
their stupid credit.
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00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,651
You going to the faculty party?
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00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:31,684
Make me your plus one.
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00:08:31,751 --> 00:08:32,850
Ah, give it up, Winger.
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00:08:32,917 --> 00:08:35,551
Professor Slater doesn't date students.
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00:08:35,617 --> 00:08:38,551
Or married Asians who drive Mopeds.
182
00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:41,317
Give you 20 bucks.
183
00:08:41,384 --> 00:08:43,484
I'll bring the hog around.
184
00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:57,217
Okay, it's time for the
"dance of the dead".
185
00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:00,217
Everyone form a circle.
186
00:09:00,284 --> 00:09:03,150
Lights. Music.
187
00:09:03,217 --> 00:09:06,718
Is it under genre or
on a specific playlist?
188
00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:08,818
Hey, uh, man?
What'd you slip me?
189
00:09:08,883 --> 00:09:12,150
I keep grinding my teeth,
and I want to kiss everybody.
190
00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:14,117
What'd you slip me, man?
191
00:09:14,184 --> 00:09:16,883
My heart stopped racing,
and I can't pee.
192
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:19,050
Now for the first dance,
193
00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:22,217
I'd like to invite a very
special guest to the floor.
194
00:09:22,284 --> 00:09:24,517
Jeff Winger?
195
00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:29,950
Jeff?
196
00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:31,351
Where's Jeff?
197
00:09:38,451 --> 00:09:40,451
Is Jeff gone?
198
00:09:41,484 --> 00:09:43,284
You know, I'm gonna go.
199
00:09:43,351 --> 00:09:44,384
I don't want to miss the news.
200
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,683
News!
201
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,151
He just stepped out.
202
00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:51,884
He's gonna be right back.
203
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:54,584
He's going to the faculty party.
204
00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,050
To be with professor "short skirt"?
205
00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:57,284
We hate her.
206
00:09:57,351 --> 00:09:59,451
No, it's not about her, Shirley.
207
00:09:59,518 --> 00:10:01,417
I can't believe that
Jeff would do this to Annie.
208
00:10:01,484 --> 00:10:03,484
Yes, absolutely. It's about Annie.
209
00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:05,151
We should go find that bitch's car
210
00:10:05,217 --> 00:10:08,351
and snap off her antenna.
211
00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:10,251
It's like high school all over again.
212
00:10:10,317 --> 00:10:12,783
Everyone's leaving.
213
00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:14,518
Not me.
214
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:17,618
I could do this all night.
215
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:28,434
There you go, pretty lady.
216
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,267
What are you doing here?
217
00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:32,000
Showing you my non-student side.
218
00:10:32,067 --> 00:10:33,867
I have to admit,
this outfit's doing it for me.
219
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,467
I may or may not
have been deflowered
220
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:36,900
by a junior rodeo champion.
221
00:10:36,967 --> 00:10:38,634
You're reminding me
of my first time too.
222
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,534
You lost your virginity to Robin Hood?
223
00:10:40,601 --> 00:10:42,334
No, with an attractive woman at a party.
224
00:10:42,401 --> 00:10:44,134
We seem destined to repeat history.
225
00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,000
I told you no students.
It's unseemly.
226
00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:47,601
I go out with you,
you tell your friends,
227
00:10:47,668 --> 00:10:49,234
- it gets around the school...
- What friends?
228
00:10:49,301 --> 00:10:50,334
I have no friends.
229
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:51,934
I hate everyone here but you.
230
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,234
Hey.
231
00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:54,401
What are you doing here?
232
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:55,767
What are you doing here?
233
00:10:55,867 --> 00:10:57,401
You should be over
at the library with Annie...
234
00:10:57,467 --> 00:10:58,934
Whoa.
235
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,534
Yippy ki yay.
236
00:11:01,601 --> 00:11:02,934
Thought you weren't a costume guy.
237
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,267
You had to have one
to get in here, Squirrel.
238
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:05,800
Oh, so where did you get it?
239
00:11:05,867 --> 00:11:07,534
'Cause I wouldn't think
that any costume stores
240
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:08,800
would be open this late.
241
00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:10,767
I don't know what you're getting at.
242
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,167
I think the words that you're looking for
243
00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:13,601
are "I own a cowboy outfit."
244
00:11:13,668 --> 00:11:16,134
And it is tight too.
Did you buy it like that?
245
00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:18,201
Your toy gun to my head, I'd say yes.
246
00:11:18,267 --> 00:11:20,100
Hi. Michelle Slater, PHD.
247
00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:21,534
Britta Perry, GED.
248
00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:23,134
Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's?
249
00:11:23,201 --> 00:11:24,568
Oh, well, when you say "classmate",
250
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:26,467
It sounds like we take naps
together and eat paste,
251
00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:28,301
but what's great about
community colleges
252
00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:29,900
is that a lot of the students
253
00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,568
are just as mature as the teachers.
254
00:11:31,634 --> 00:11:33,934
Jeff, you must return to Annie's party.
255
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,434
She's feeling unpopular.
256
00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:38,367
Jeff, Pierce took something,
and he is tripping balls.
257
00:11:38,434 --> 00:11:40,534
He is touching people and dancing weird.
258
00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,568
it's like grumpy old men
but not hilarious.
259
00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:44,367
Okay, uh, guys?
260
00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:46,867
I'm at a grownup
Halloween party, all right?
261
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,334
You're all being unseemly.
262
00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:50,700
- Oh, no.
- How are we unseemly?
263
00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:53,267
Why is Urkel ripping the antenna
264
00:11:53,334 --> 00:11:54,934
off professor Slater's car?
265
00:11:56,201 --> 00:11:58,067
That's right, professor Slim Calves.
266
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:02,134
This is what you get when you
steal Jeff from a good woman!
267
00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,767
No, Abed!
268
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:18,934
- Is he meowing?
- Yeah.
269
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,301
Enough. I want you guys out of here.
270
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:23,501
Britta, I don't care about
your high school soap opera.
271
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:27,067
Abed, you're not Batman.
272
00:12:27,134 --> 00:12:28,867
Pierce. Pierce. Pierce.
273
00:12:28,934 --> 00:12:31,401
Stop grinding on
the women's studies department.
274
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:33,800
You are too old to be tripping.
275
00:12:33,867 --> 00:12:36,067
I'm old?
276
00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:39,833
What do you mean old?
277
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:43,301
Whose hands are these?
278
00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:46,833
Help me!
279
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,167
Way to go.
280
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,767
I know I'm not Batman.
281
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,967
You could try not being a jerk.
282
00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:56,034
She's pretty hot.
283
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,568
Well, where were we, little doggie?
284
00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:02,833
- Unseemly.
- Yeah. Crap.
285
00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:09,434
Shirley?
286
00:13:13,067 --> 00:13:14,833
Shirley!
287
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,367
This is professor Robin Hood's office.
288
00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:17,800
So what are you doing?
289
00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:19,134
I'm putting this hose in her desk,
290
00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:20,334
and you going outside
to turn the water on.
291
00:13:20,401 --> 00:13:21,767
Why?
292
00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:24,267
To teach that long-neck
weave-having bank teller
293
00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:25,367
she can't steal another woman's man!
294
00:13:25,434 --> 00:13:27,267
That's why.
295
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:34,134
I have a confession to make.
296
00:13:34,201 --> 00:13:35,534
I think some of what I just said
297
00:13:35,601 --> 00:13:37,534
may have more to do with my situation.
298
00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:39,367
Yeah, the long-neck,
weave-having bank teller
299
00:13:39,434 --> 00:13:41,434
didn't feel universal.
300
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:43,900
My ex-husband came by this morning,
301
00:13:43,967 --> 00:13:47,201
and he, uh, he asked for his ring back.
302
00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:48,467
It was his mother's,
303
00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:51,167
and he wants to give it
to his new girlfriend.
304
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:53,134
Shirley, that sucks.
305
00:13:53,201 --> 00:13:54,434
Don't get me wrong.
306
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,234
Best thing ever happened to me
was him leaving.
307
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:59,100
I just... I always thought
he'd come crawling back,
308
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:03,267
and I'd get to tell him, "go to hell."
309
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,733
He couldn't even give me that.
310
00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:08,833
You know what the crazy thing is, Britta?
311
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:12,467
Everything you've done tonight?
312
00:14:12,534 --> 00:14:15,434
It's like I was too proud
to admit I was hurt,
313
00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:17,668
so I had to pretend that you were.
314
00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:20,234
I totally get that.
315
00:14:20,301 --> 00:14:23,100
I feel better now.
316
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:24,934
Let's go check on Annie.
317
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,867
Can you believe
I targeted this poor lady?
318
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:33,900
Look at all these awards.
319
00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:35,568
I bet she's nice.
320
00:14:35,634 --> 00:14:37,733
Yeah.
321
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,367
Nice and pretentious.
322
00:14:48,134 --> 00:14:49,067
Pierce?
323
00:14:49,134 --> 00:14:52,668
Pierce, are you okay?
324
00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:54,934
Hey, man, what's going on?
325
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,401
You have a full-on erection.
326
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:59,134
Just rela... Just relax.
327
00:14:59,201 --> 00:15:02,934
Pierce, relax. Just relax, okay?
328
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,501
Pierce!
329
00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:09,134
You are too old to be tripping!
330
00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,700
Pierce...
331
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:14,334
You are too old to be tripping.
332
00:15:14,401 --> 00:15:17,000
Tell me about the Beatles, Pierce.
333
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:21,967
Tell me about Woodstock
and Sputnik, Pierce.
334
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:35,267
Gee, do I feel a breeze here?
335
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,268
Because someone just struck out.
336
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:39,500
She blew you off too, Chang.
337
00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:40,934
Is that what you had to fall back on?
338
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:43,300
Look at me, bro. Look at me.
339
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,901
I've got the body
of a fifth grader, okay?
340
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:47,534
If I was working with what you've got,
341
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,433
she'd be at the comfort inn right now
342
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:50,667
giving me a Mexican Halloween.
343
00:15:50,734 --> 00:15:51,667
It's this campus.
344
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,333
It feeds on my coolness.
345
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,667
I... I got no moves anymore.
346
00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:56,101
Moves?
347
00:15:56,168 --> 00:15:58,367
Everything's a game to guys like you.
348
00:15:58,433 --> 00:16:02,034
I know one move I bet
you've never tried in your life.
349
00:16:02,101 --> 00:16:03,834
What is it?
350
00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:15,300
Please sleep with me. Please.
351
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,534
Pretty please. I'm so lonely.
352
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,867
I haven't slept with anyone
in a very long time,
353
00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:21,134
and you are so good looking.
354
00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:23,834
Please do me the favor
of having sex with me.
355
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:30,467
Okay, stay three steps behind
356
00:16:30,534 --> 00:16:31,867
and promise you won't tell anybody.
357
00:16:31,934 --> 00:16:33,767
I promise.
358
00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:34,934
I promise.
359
00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:50,234
Everybody, stay out of the library.
360
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,967
Pierce, it's okay. Come out of there.
361
00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:54,934
No, I'm not ready to die!
362
00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:56,867
Pierce, you're not gonna die!
363
00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,901
Just... Just keep walking.
Don't make eye contact.
364
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,400
Jeff. Jeff! Jeff.
365
00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:02,600
Pierce is freaking out.
366
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:04,134
You're the only one that can help.
367
00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:05,300
What makes you think that?
368
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,467
Is Jeff out there?
369
00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:07,700
He's the only one who can help.
370
00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:09,433
He says he's gonna kill himself,
371
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,767
but he doesn't want us to call 911,
372
00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:12,467
because he doesn't want
to get in trouble
373
00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:13,834
for taking drugs.
374
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:20,801
I can't believe I'm doing this.
375
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:24,067
I, uh...
376
00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:27,433
I think I have to say goodnight.
377
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,067
Are you, like,
a court-appointed guardian
378
00:17:29,134 --> 00:17:30,067
for these people?
379
00:17:30,134 --> 00:17:32,234
Uh, no.
380
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,901
Um, they're my classmates.
381
00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:37,134
Goodnight, Jeff.
382
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:45,168
Loser!
383
00:17:53,134 --> 00:17:55,901
What in the Pink Floyd?
384
00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,634
I'm gonna crush myself to death
385
00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:59,767
with desks and tables, Jeff!
386
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:02,201
Is that a death befitting a Beastmaster?
387
00:18:02,268 --> 00:18:04,067
I never saw Beastmaster.
388
00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:05,500
I just wanted to be cool.
389
00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:08,433
I'm coming in there, Pierce.
390
00:18:16,101 --> 00:18:18,500
Those floating
Mexican skeletons were right.
391
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:19,767
My life is over.
392
00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:23,268
Well, when we go to floating skeletons
393
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:24,734
with our problems,
394
00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:28,067
we get what we pay for, don't we?
395
00:18:28,168 --> 00:18:31,467
I'm old, Jeff.
396
00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:34,201
Pierce, I don't know how
you spent the first 60 years,
397
00:18:34,268 --> 00:18:36,767
but I know in the last two months
398
00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:38,867
you've probably doubled
the national average
399
00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:42,067
for amount of life lived per lifetime.
400
00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:45,700
well, I do have a young,
African-American friend.
401
00:18:45,767 --> 00:18:47,067
Yeah.
402
00:18:47,134 --> 00:18:48,400
And, more importantly,
403
00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:50,168
you're dressed like a gladiator
404
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,600
in a desk fort that you
built during a bad trip.
405
00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:55,400
If life is just a series
of ridiculous attempts
406
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,901
to be alive,
407
00:18:56,967 --> 00:18:58,700
you're a hero
408
00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:00,634
to everything that's ever lived.
409
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,367
Yeah?
410
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:03,367
Yeah.
411
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,634
Yeah!
412
00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:28,400
- Batman?
- Yeah?
413
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,001
Are you staying for the party?
414
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,667
If I stay,
415
00:19:32,734 --> 00:19:36,201
there can be no party.
416
00:19:36,268 --> 00:19:39,001
I must be out there in the night,
417
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,867
staying vigilant.
418
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:43,734
Wherever a party needs to be saved,
419
00:19:43,801 --> 00:19:45,467
I'm there.
420
00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:47,767
Wherever there are masks,
421
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:49,867
wherever there's tomfoolery and joy,
422
00:19:49,934 --> 00:19:53,500
I'm there.
423
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,101
But sometimes I'm not,
424
00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:56,168
'cause I'm out in the night,
425
00:19:56,234 --> 00:19:58,268
staying vigilant, watching,
426
00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:01,300
lurking, running, jumping,
427
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,967
hurtling, sleeping...
428
00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:05,567
No, I can't sleep.
429
00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:07,400
You sleep. I'm awake.
430
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,500
I don't sleep. I don't blink.
431
00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:11,567
Am I a bird? No.
432
00:20:11,634 --> 00:20:14,101
I'm a bat.
433
00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:16,700
I am Batman.
434
00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:19,433
Or am I?
435
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:23,867
Yes, I am Batman.
436
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:25,367
Happy Halloween.
437
00:20:30,201 --> 00:20:31,433
- I'm Batman.
- You sound like cookie monster.
438
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,001
- I'm Batman.
- That's Batman.
439
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,567
Candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones.
440
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,268
Yeah, it sure does.
441
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,001
At, like, a candy traffic school.
442
00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:43,367
Like, a little gingerbread man
at the wheel,
443
00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:44,400
and he's drunk.
444
00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:45,400
Look out.
445
00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:46,700
You'd be driving,
446
00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:48,500
But you keep wanting to eat yourself.
447
00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:49,834
All day.
448
00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,168
That's one of my biggest fears.
449
00:20:51,234 --> 00:20:52,400
What is?
450
00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:54,234
If I ever, like, woke up as a donut.
451
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:55,201
You would eat yourself?
452
00:20:55,268 --> 00:20:56,767
I wouldn't even question it.
453
00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:57,901
That'd be tasty.
454
00:20:57,967 --> 00:21:00,433
It's cool to know other people
455
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,034
think about this stuff too.
456
00:21:02,101 --> 00:21:04,901
Yeah.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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