1
00:00:04,016 --> 00:00:05,820
Why is everyone wearing those hats?

2
00:00:05,821 --> 00:00:07,579
Is the dean planning
another ridiculous event,

3
00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:08,736
or is the Greendale Hat Club

4
00:00:08,737 --> 00:00:10,494
still struggling to be noteworthy?

5
00:00:10,495 --> 00:00:12,471
- You're talking about it.
- I talk about lots of stuff

6
00:00:12,472 --> 00:00:13,596
that annoys me.

7
00:00:13,694 --> 00:00:16,974
- Speaking of the dean...
- Guten tag, homies.

8
00:00:16,979 --> 00:00:19,533
I hope you'll all be
attending Oktoberfest.

9
00:00:19,534 --> 00:00:21,945
It's not often we get to
celebrate German culture.

10
00:00:21,946 --> 00:00:23,374
It's not often we want to.

11
00:00:23,375 --> 00:00:26,143
Yeah... A little goes a long way.

12
00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:26,828
True.

13
00:00:26,829 --> 00:00:29,537
Greendale's Oktoberfest
has never drawn huge crowds,

14
00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:31,466
probably due to our diversity.

15
00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:35,075
So this year, we are adding some color!

16
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,252
Kick it!

17
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,733
I'm gonna give this to you, Troy.

18
00:00:37,734 --> 00:00:39,873
"Pop and locktoberfest."

19
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,769
The central event will
be a pop-and-lock-a-thon.

20
00:00:43,923 --> 00:00:45,640
Winner gets to annex Poland.

21
00:00:45,641 --> 00:00:46,415
Kidding!

22
00:00:46,416 --> 00:00:47,951
The winner gets an iTunes gift card.

23
00:00:47,952 --> 00:00:50,635
- Okay.
- Oh! A break-dance contest.

24
00:00:50,636 --> 00:00:52,068
What should we name our team?

25
00:00:52,069 --> 00:00:54,067
Okay. I'm gonna go hang
myself in my closet.

26
00:00:54,068 --> 00:00:55,033
I'm comin' with.

27
00:00:55,853 --> 00:00:56,928
Is it me, or is this campus

28
00:00:56,929 --> 00:00:58,897
getting more cartoonish every day?

29
00:00:58,898 --> 00:01:00,042
Yep. It's exciting.

30
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:01,422
I painted a tunnel on
the side of the library.

31
00:01:01,423 --> 00:01:02,913
When it dries, I'm going for it.

32
00:01:07,099 --> 00:01:08,524
Okay. You see that guy over there?

33
00:01:08,628 --> 00:01:09,619
The one wearing the Gucci suit

34
00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,696
and the lightweight
woven wool-mohair blend?

35
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,325
We used to work together.

36
00:01:13,326 --> 00:01:15,634
Cool. So he's from your origins.

37
00:01:15,635 --> 00:01:16,987
This is all I need.

38
00:01:16,988 --> 00:01:19,406
Excuse me, sir.
You're all my friend needs.

39
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:23,434
Your mouth isn't curved upwards.
Did I misread something?

40
00:01:24,806 --> 00:01:26,607
Ah... Tango?

41
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,445
Sundance. We worked with

42
00:01:28,446 --> 00:01:29,886
- different partners.
- Got it.

43
00:01:29,887 --> 00:01:31,731
- Ha ha!
- Hey...

44
00:01:32,173 --> 00:01:33,505
What brings you to Greendale?

45
00:01:33,506 --> 00:01:34,623
I'm a teacher.

46
00:01:34,838 --> 00:01:36,796
Wait. That's worse than the truth.

47
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:37,854
I'm a student.

48
00:01:37,855 --> 00:01:39,281
Hey, I'm in no position to judge.

49
00:01:39,282 --> 00:01:40,612
I'm here for an NA meeting, so...

50
00:01:40,613 --> 00:01:42,562
- Narcotics anonymous?
- Remember when you asked

51
00:01:42,563 --> 00:01:45,187
for my secret, I said yoga? I lied.

52
00:01:45,433 --> 00:01:46,429
- I'm Abed.
- Hey.

53
00:01:46,430 --> 00:01:47,978
Abed, this is Alan Connor.

54
00:01:47,979 --> 00:01:48,744
This guy and I

55
00:01:48,745 --> 00:01:51,394
used to wipe the courtroom
floor with prosecutors.

56
00:01:51,395 --> 00:01:52,827
DA called us the litterbugs,

57
00:01:52,828 --> 00:01:55,124
we put so much trash
back out on those streets.

58
00:01:55,855 --> 00:01:56,770
Come here, come here!

59
00:01:56,771 --> 00:01:59,152
- You still ticklish?
- Stop that!

60
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,429
Hey, hey, hey. Let's get a drink, huh?

61
00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:02,288
- Are you allowed?
- Yeah. I quit doing blow,

62
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,404
not being rad.

63
00:02:03,405 --> 00:02:04,510
All right, let's do it.

64
00:02:04,511 --> 00:02:06,414
Wait. Jeff can't go. He has class.

65
00:02:06,415 --> 00:02:09,044
Well, those cargo pants
would suggest otherwise.

66
00:02:09,617 --> 00:02:10,955
What has this place done to you?

67
00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:12,421
Ah. You have no idea.

68
00:02:12,422 --> 00:02:13,478
Hat club!

69
00:02:15,088 --> 00:02:16,549
Now you have some idea.

70
00:02:18,835 --> 00:02:23,835
Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com

71
00:02:55,353 --> 00:02:56,457
So...

72
00:02:56,841 --> 00:02:57,801
So?

73
00:02:59,466 --> 00:03:02,214
Anyone that's ever been in
a team pop-and-lock-a-thon

74
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:04,592
knows you need at least seven
people to stand a chance.

75
00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:06,511
- We have seven.
- Oh, do you?

76
00:03:06,627 --> 00:03:08,557
Word has it on campus
that Winger's too busy

77
00:03:08,558 --> 00:03:10,775
hanging out with his
cool new lawyer friend.

78
00:03:10,776 --> 00:03:13,600
Ha. Slow news day.

79
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,078
That's your Carson?

80
00:03:17,079 --> 00:03:18,229
Jon Stewart.

81
00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,626
- You depress me.
- Look, we'll get back to you.

82
00:03:20,627 --> 00:03:21,932
All right, well, don't take too long.

83
00:03:21,933 --> 00:03:24,357
And don't rip off this exit.

84
00:03:26,862 --> 00:03:28,036
Shoom, shoom.

85
00:03:28,627 --> 00:03:31,596
- Where is Jeff?
- Obviously hanging with Alan.

86
00:03:31,597 --> 00:03:33,232
Those two are like siamese twins

87
00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:35,105
attached at the cell phone holster.

88
00:03:35,106 --> 00:03:36,391
I haven't met him yet.

89
00:03:36,392 --> 00:03:38,784
Shouldn't we be happy that
Jeff found an old friend?

90
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:39,993
Our concern is that Alan is to Jeff

91
00:03:39,994 --> 00:03:41,261
what Rob Lowe was to James Spader

92
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,946
in the 1990 film bad influence.

93
00:03:42,947 --> 00:03:44,376
He's a bad influence.

94
00:03:44,387 --> 00:03:45,318
You saw it?

95
00:03:45,319 --> 00:03:46,537
Hey, uh, guys.

96
00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:48,590
Uh, I'm gonna be a
little bit late today.

97
00:03:48,638 --> 00:03:50,435
Alan and I are gonna
take a quick sidebar.

98
00:03:50,436 --> 00:03:52,482
Mmm, or any bar.

99
00:03:53,527 --> 00:03:55,510
Oh, he's got Britta down!

100
00:03:56,712 --> 00:03:58,828
- You look familiar.
- That's possible.

101
00:03:58,829 --> 00:04:00,817
Have you or someone you
know been injured at work?

102
00:04:00,818 --> 00:04:01,754
Oh!

103
00:04:02,217 --> 00:04:04,607
Yes! A shrimp boat ran over my cousin.

104
00:04:04,608 --> 00:04:05,897
That's serious. Call me.

105
00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:08,312
And, Jeff, you need to be
more respectful of our time.

106
00:04:08,313 --> 00:04:10,586
Shirley, if I killed a man,

107
00:04:10,587 --> 00:04:12,463
as a Christian, would you forgive me?

108
00:04:12,464 --> 00:04:13,235
I would.

109
00:04:13,236 --> 00:04:14,416
Then either that man's life

110
00:04:14,417 --> 00:04:15,799
is worth less than your time,

111
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,007
or it's okay for me to be late.

112
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,666
Ha ha! No!

113
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:22,034
You still got the moves, man.

114
00:04:22,035 --> 00:04:24,364
If they gave away awards for mind games,

115
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:27,153
the statue'd be
Jeff Winger doing it to a brain.

116
00:04:27,154 --> 00:04:29,103
Come on, Jeff's bush league.

117
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,930
I gave seminars on manipulation.

118
00:04:30,931 --> 00:04:32,817
I could reach into a man's soul

119
00:04:32,818 --> 00:04:35,047
and unravel it with one tug.

120
00:04:35,048 --> 00:04:36,287
Cool. Hit me.

121
00:04:37,896 --> 00:04:39,712
- You're bald.
- So are you.

122
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,822
I'll kill you, you...

123
00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,918
- Come here!
- Mistrial.

124
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:47,952
Ha ha ha! Come on, man.

125
00:04:49,054 --> 00:04:50,052
I have hair.

126
00:04:53,831 --> 00:04:55,878
Father, I have hair.

127
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,332
On a tax evasion case.

128
00:04:58,333 --> 00:04:58,989
Yeah.

129
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:00,823
God, I miss talking about this stuff!

130
00:05:00,824 --> 00:05:02,377
Well, you should visit the office.

131
00:05:02,378 --> 00:05:04,493
Right. I can't show my face there

132
00:05:04,494 --> 00:05:05,911
after getting busted like that.

133
00:05:05,912 --> 00:05:07,844
Jeff, you know what lawyers call someone

134
00:05:07,845 --> 00:05:11,379
who defrauds the state bar,
cheats on his LSATs,

135
00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:13,258
and cons his way into a firm?

136
00:05:13,348 --> 00:05:16,054
Best... lawyer... ever.

137
00:05:16,229 --> 00:05:17,291
Seriously?

138
00:05:17,292 --> 00:05:20,053
Hey, tomorrow night. Office party.

139
00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,069
You're my guest.

140
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,737
Oh. Naw.

141
00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:24,313
Come on, you just said you missed it.

142
00:05:25,338 --> 00:05:26,231
I do.

143
00:05:26,681 --> 00:05:28,081
I really, really do.

144
00:05:32,488 --> 00:05:33,885
What does Alan have that we don't?

145
00:05:33,886 --> 00:05:35,737
A butt for Jeff's Weiner.

146
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:38,898
I mean, we all have butts too.

147
00:05:38,899 --> 00:05:41,437
We have butts.
Just not for the same thi...

148
00:05:41,438 --> 00:05:43,490
I'm trying to say they're gay.

149
00:05:43,491 --> 00:05:45,920
Well, I don't like how much
drinking and carousing they do.

150
00:05:45,921 --> 00:05:47,329
It's a gateway to narcotics.

151
00:05:47,330 --> 00:05:49,868
Narcotics! I know how I know Alan!

152
00:05:51,944 --> 00:05:53,618
But I'm not allowed to say.

153
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,370
Which means that you met
him in narcotics anonymous.

154
00:05:56,995 --> 00:05:58,467
Why bring it up if you're not allowed?

155
00:05:58,468 --> 00:06:01,592
Because... he said something at a meeting

156
00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:03,175
- about something bad he did.
- Oh.

157
00:06:03,176 --> 00:06:04,377
And he might have done it to Jeff,

158
00:06:04,378 --> 00:06:05,675
but I can't say what it is.

159
00:06:05,676 --> 00:06:08,008
Okay. You've gone from
precious to annoying.

160
00:06:08,096 --> 00:06:10,367
What if you don't say
it out loud but we guess?

161
00:06:10,368 --> 00:06:12,122
- Like charades?
- With this group?

162
00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:13,291
I'm watching.

163
00:06:20,744 --> 00:06:21,910
Four words.

164
00:06:22,854 --> 00:06:25,005
- "Alan got Jeff disbarred."
- Uh...

165
00:06:25,006 --> 00:06:27,172
Oh, please, those junkies
weren't thinking about rules

166
00:06:27,173 --> 00:06:28,472
when they were shooting up scag.

167
00:06:28,473 --> 00:06:30,989
- Jeff, Alan narced on you!
- Narced?

168
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:34,190
Hmm. But he's like
way too primo for that,

169
00:06:34,191 --> 00:06:35,311
Frank Zappa.

170
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,332
I think he turned you
in to the state bar.

171
00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:39,750
I was in an NA meeting,
and he bragged about it.

172
00:06:39,751 --> 00:06:41,832
He doesn't recognize me,
because my hair's longer,

173
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,487
my skin's clearer, I...

174
00:06:43,491 --> 00:06:45,579
- I've lost a lot of weight.
- Annie.

175
00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:48,410
He said he turned me in?

176
00:06:48,411 --> 00:06:50,475
He said he sent an email

177
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:52,527
that got a rival coworker fired.

178
00:06:52,528 --> 00:06:54,266
It was around the time you got caught.

179
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:56,533
I know they never covered
this on yo, gabba gabba,

180
00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:58,015
but that's called circumstantial.

181
00:06:58,016 --> 00:06:59,925
Any other meaningless
conspiracy theories?

182
00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:03,682
Yes. Did you know that
go-gurt is just yogurt?

183
00:07:04,356 --> 00:07:05,331
You know what a therapist

184
00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:07,233
calls this kind of a
relationship, right?

185
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:08,215
A gold mine.

186
00:07:08,216 --> 00:07:09,604
Codependent.

187
00:07:09,868 --> 00:07:11,499
You guys don't want me to be happy.

188
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,909
You want me to need you.

189
00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:15,729
It's getting a little claustrophobic.

190
00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:17,552
I used to run full-speed

191
00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:19,012
through the boundless wilderness,

192
00:07:19,013 --> 00:07:21,135
and now I'm in the zoo

193
00:07:21,339 --> 00:07:24,074
where the horizon is
wallpaper and the air is stale

194
00:07:24,075 --> 00:07:26,357
and nothing is ever at stake.

195
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:29,056
In other words, we're not cool.

196
00:07:29,243 --> 00:07:30,954
I never said that.
You may have heard it.

197
00:07:30,955 --> 00:07:32,804
I may have thought
it, and it may be true.

198
00:07:32,805 --> 00:07:34,676
- But I never said it.
- Jeff, will we see you

199
00:07:34,677 --> 00:07:36,015
tomorrow night at the
pop-and-lock-a-thon?

200
00:07:36,016 --> 00:07:38,001
No, Abed, I'm going to a cool party

201
00:07:38,002 --> 00:07:39,762
at my cool former law firm

202
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,647
from when my life was cool.

203
00:07:44,353 --> 00:07:46,792
Fine. You can be on the team.

204
00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:48,019
New deal.

205
00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:51,253
If we win, I get to
be in the study group.

206
00:07:53,928 --> 00:07:55,488
The stakes have never been higher.

207
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,724
I just wanna thank everybody for coming.

208
00:08:02,869 --> 00:08:04,432
You know, when I became a lawyer,

209
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:05,556
I had a dream.

210
00:08:06,671 --> 00:08:08,805
I had a dream that one
day I'd be head of a firm

211
00:08:09,139 --> 00:08:10,710
so nobody would be able to talk

212
00:08:10,711 --> 00:08:12,515
about the big, weird hole in my hand.

213
00:08:13,898 --> 00:08:15,746
I know everybody talks
about it behind my back,

214
00:08:15,747 --> 00:08:18,036
and that's okay.
You know, I would.

215
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,878
What's great, though,
is that you don't stare

216
00:08:21,523 --> 00:08:22,974
or ask any questions.

217
00:08:23,205 --> 00:08:25,219
And as a reward for your restraint,

218
00:08:25,978 --> 00:08:27,369
got a little something for ya.

219
00:08:29,056 --> 00:08:29,934
There.

220
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,485
That oughta keep you goin' to Christmas.

221
00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:32,977
Everybody have fun tonight!

222
00:08:36,357 --> 00:08:38,568
Anyone else with that
hand would wear a glove.

223
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,643
He controls a room with it.

224
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:42,295
He's the master.

225
00:08:42,296 --> 00:08:44,079
Well, he sure is a fan of yours.

226
00:08:45,935 --> 00:08:47,045
Oh, um...

227
00:08:47,175 --> 00:08:48,414
Hey, when you talk to him,

228
00:08:48,415 --> 00:08:49,701
will you mention me?

229
00:08:49,991 --> 00:08:52,027
He keeps passing me over for partner.

230
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,887
Alan, did you invite me
here with an ulterior motive?

231
00:08:56,546 --> 00:08:58,281
God, I miss this place!

232
00:09:01,995 --> 00:09:03,832
God, it's a sea of Wingers.

233
00:09:03,833 --> 00:09:06,646
This whole place reeks
of moral ambiguity.

234
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,425
Actually, that was me. I apologize.

235
00:09:09,426 --> 00:09:12,010
Now, you guys are new to high society,

236
00:09:12,011 --> 00:09:14,435
so just... follow my lead,

237
00:09:14,583 --> 00:09:15,794
everything will be fine.

238
00:09:21,617 --> 00:09:23,067
First, why are you here?

239
00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:24,926
Second, I don't care. Leave.

240
00:09:24,927 --> 00:09:27,848
As a matter of fact,
Jeff, we were invited.

241
00:09:27,849 --> 00:09:29,183
Why would anyone do that?

242
00:09:29,184 --> 00:09:32,101
Hey, you guys made it!

243
00:09:32,102 --> 00:09:33,311
Come on in.

244
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,098
Okay, before this
gets more embarrassing,

245
00:09:37,099 --> 00:09:38,588
what is your misguided plan?

246
00:09:38,589 --> 00:09:42,105
To apologize to you
for casting aspersions

247
00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:43,159
on your friend.

248
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,602
And to show you we can be cool.

249
00:09:44,603 --> 00:09:46,944
Hey! Is that Jeff Winger?

250
00:09:47,902 --> 00:09:49,418
Find Annie and leave.

251
00:09:49,419 --> 00:09:51,056
Ted! Hey, man!

252
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,488
- What's goin' on?
- Wow!

253
00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:55,029
Once Annie gets Alan's office number,

254
00:09:55,030 --> 00:09:57,892
you guys break into his
office, hack into his emails,

255
00:09:57,893 --> 00:10:00,559
and find proof that
he screwed Jeff over.

256
00:10:02,474 --> 00:10:04,510
Fourth floor. 470.

257
00:10:04,654 --> 00:10:06,818
First he said it was 69.

258
00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:08,919
I wanna rub purell on my brain.

259
00:10:10,973 --> 00:10:12,504
You are so missed here, Jeff.

260
00:10:12,505 --> 00:10:14,515
If we had five guys around
here with your balls,

261
00:10:14,516 --> 00:10:15,898
we wouldn't need 30 lawyers.

262
00:10:15,899 --> 00:10:17,876
True. But we'd need a good doctor.

263
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,005
Ted, stop hittin' on my date.

264
00:10:21,006 --> 00:10:22,433
Ha ha ha ha ha!

265
00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:23,976
I'm kidding. We can share.

266
00:10:24,941 --> 00:10:26,308
I get the head!

267
00:10:26,402 --> 00:10:29,123
I love the brain in there!
Arr, arr, arr, arr!

268
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:30,155
I'll eat it.

269
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,016
Hey, everybody, Jeff Winger's here!

270
00:10:33,017 --> 00:10:34,733
Hey!

271
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:36,335
Shouldn't we notify someone

272
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,994
that our team's not gonna make
it to the pop-and-lock-a-thon?

273
00:10:40,495 --> 00:10:42,720
You actually think anybody cares?

274
00:10:43,222 --> 00:10:46,238
Um, checking in for the
Heather pop and locklears.

275
00:10:46,239 --> 00:10:49,685
Okay. And, um... where's
the rest of your team?

276
00:10:49,686 --> 00:10:50,963
Oh, they'll be here.

277
00:10:50,964 --> 00:10:52,717
I suppose you're allowed
to start by yourself,

278
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,482
but you won't stand a chance
if you don't have someone...

279
00:10:54,483 --> 00:10:55,935
they'll be here!

280
00:11:07,607 --> 00:11:09,504
I brought stuff people use for capers.

281
00:11:11,135 --> 00:11:12,254
Suction cup.

282
00:11:13,247 --> 00:11:14,307
Credit card.

283
00:11:15,524 --> 00:11:16,617
Chloroform.

284
00:11:16,656 --> 00:11:18,753
The credit card doesn't
work, the chloroform does.

285
00:11:18,805 --> 00:11:21,124
Annie, go back and keep lookout.

286
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,313
Why me lookout? Why not you guys?

287
00:11:23,314 --> 00:11:24,429
'Cause if someone comes up here,

288
00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:26,406
Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail.

289
00:11:26,407 --> 00:11:29,145
- You get taken to dinner.
- You guys!

290
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,903
I am the smartest one
in this whole group,

291
00:11:30,904 --> 00:11:33,485
and all I've been used for
is bait and distraction.

292
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:35,781
Ohh!

293
00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:38,302
Go on your stupid mission.
I hope it sucks.

294
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:40,326
- What did she say?
- I don't know.

295
00:11:40,327 --> 00:11:41,653
All I heard was suck.

296
00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:44,693
I'm surprised that Alan
hasn't made partner yet.

297
00:11:44,694 --> 00:11:46,403
I'm surprised I haven't fired him.

298
00:11:46,453 --> 00:11:49,366
Why? I mean, he's got a
better win record than I do.

299
00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:52,106
He's a spineless trust fund jagoff.

300
00:11:52,175 --> 00:11:53,462
I'll tell you what, Jeff.

301
00:11:53,673 --> 00:11:55,698
You're the best liar I ever employed.

302
00:11:55,699 --> 00:11:57,442
If you can look me in the eye

303
00:11:57,443 --> 00:11:59,906
and tell me you actually like Alan,

304
00:11:59,907 --> 00:12:01,560
I'll make him a full partner.

305
00:12:03,426 --> 00:12:06,190
Well, I only ever
really liked one person.

306
00:12:06,254 --> 00:12:07,252
My mom.

307
00:12:07,984 --> 00:12:09,423
And she liked my dad.

308
00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:12,741
And after all the dust
and custody was settled,

309
00:12:12,846 --> 00:12:16,021
the guy I really admired...
Not liked, admired...

310
00:12:16,022 --> 00:12:17,656
Was the lawyer leaving the courthouse

311
00:12:17,657 --> 00:12:20,777
in the great-looking suit
and a sky blue Mercedes SLK.

312
00:12:20,778 --> 00:12:22,632
- Sweet ride.
- Sweet job.

313
00:12:22,633 --> 00:12:24,338
Sweet life. He didn't care.

314
00:12:24,339 --> 00:12:25,588
He couldn't care.

315
00:12:25,589 --> 00:12:27,973
And the less he cared,
the better he was.

316
00:12:27,974 --> 00:12:29,690
We are a special breed

317
00:12:29,691 --> 00:12:32,138
because we rise above the sloppy stuff

318
00:12:32,139 --> 00:12:34,229
and look at the bottom line.

319
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,503
You wanna like your employees?
Open a hair salon.

320
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:40,270
You wanna win? Make Alan partner.

321
00:12:41,606 --> 00:12:44,051
The student has become the master.

322
00:12:44,108 --> 00:12:45,376
Thank you, Jeff.

323
00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:47,492
You make me wanna be a worse man.

324
00:12:50,111 --> 00:12:51,654
By the way, just 'cause
you can't work cases here

325
00:12:51,655 --> 00:12:52,973
doesn't mean you can't work.

326
00:12:52,974 --> 00:12:54,512
You can always be a consultant.

327
00:12:54,513 --> 00:12:56,921
Ted... That would be amazing.

328
00:12:58,722 --> 00:13:00,213
Oh. I'll be right back.

329
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:01,466
I didn't know they had rules.

330
00:13:02,642 --> 00:13:05,064
Hey, Jeff. I'm sure you know Phillip.

331
00:13:05,065 --> 00:13:08,073
Did you know that if I sleep
with Philip once a month,

332
00:13:08,074 --> 00:13:11,704
I can use his beach house
in Rio whenever I want?

333
00:13:11,705 --> 00:13:12,510
Wow.

334
00:13:12,511 --> 00:13:14,070
You guys are really on to something.

335
00:13:14,071 --> 00:13:16,311
I think you found the
world's newest profession.

336
00:13:16,312 --> 00:13:18,800
Guys, guys, did you know
I actually have a civil case

337
00:13:18,801 --> 00:13:20,979
against that bitch
that stole my husband?

338
00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:22,618
Shirley, don't sue a stripper.

339
00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:24,150
- Why not?
- She's a stripper.

340
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:27,270
Life sued her, and she lost.
Where's Pierce?

341
00:13:27,299 --> 00:13:29,032
Jeez, why am I even worried about him?

342
00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:30,018
Hey.

343
00:13:30,425 --> 00:13:32,042
Did you know there's
an island in Indonesia

344
00:13:32,043 --> 00:13:33,688
where you can hunt people?

345
00:13:34,486 --> 00:13:35,691
We need to talk.

346
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,258
- I think this is it.
- Print it.

347
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,125
'Scuse me.

348
00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:45,383
Who are you guys?
This is not your office.

349
00:13:45,875 --> 00:13:47,154
I can explain.

350
00:13:50,076 --> 00:13:52,082
Let me explain.

351
00:14:07,766 --> 00:14:08,979
Oh, my God!

352
00:14:10,109 --> 00:14:12,611
- I didn't know what to do.
- Oh, my God!

353
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,746
I usually have one foot out of reality,

354
00:14:14,747 --> 00:14:16,166
and even I'm freaking out right now.

355
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:17,691
You chloroformed the janitor?

356
00:14:17,692 --> 00:14:19,518
Stop yelling at me!
You're the ones that got caught!

357
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:20,662
You're the one who's yelling!

358
00:14:20,663 --> 00:14:22,519
We're in big trouble!
We have to do something!

359
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,353
Oh, I don't know what to
do. My whole brain is crying!

360
00:14:25,354 --> 00:14:26,576
Oh! Oh oh oh!

361
00:14:26,577 --> 00:14:28,651
Guys, guys, guys!

362
00:14:28,652 --> 00:14:29,947
Hey, hey, I have an idea.

363
00:14:30,284 --> 00:14:32,082
Okay, it may sound a
little weird, but trust me.

364
00:14:43,912 --> 00:14:45,315
What's... happening?

365
00:14:45,316 --> 00:14:49,410
Oh! We all got chloroformed!

366
00:14:49,411 --> 00:14:52,436
Somebody chloroformed all of us.

367
00:14:52,437 --> 00:14:54,247
And now we're regaining consciousness

368
00:14:54,248 --> 00:14:55,264
together.

369
00:14:55,887 --> 00:14:59,062
I don't understand. Who's she?

370
00:14:59,936 --> 00:15:02,457
Why is she holding a rag?

371
00:15:17,463 --> 00:15:18,453
Okay, that was the worst idea ever.

372
00:15:18,454 --> 00:15:19,547
Can we please just run away now?

373
00:15:19,548 --> 00:15:20,394
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

374
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:25,350
It is the fourth straight hour,

375
00:15:25,351 --> 00:15:28,298
and Ben Chang is still on his own.

376
00:15:28,675 --> 00:15:32,157
One can only imagine
what is driving him to...

377
00:15:32,158 --> 00:15:34,601
Push himself to such limits!

378
00:15:47,998 --> 00:15:49,019
My body hurts.

379
00:15:50,636 --> 00:15:51,635
My body hurts.

380
00:15:52,965 --> 00:15:54,315
You jealous because we're fitting in

381
00:15:54,316 --> 00:15:55,697
with your cool friends?

382
00:15:55,698 --> 00:15:58,213
No. I'm distracted, watching you mutate.

383
00:15:58,214 --> 00:15:59,659
Britta, you're not a whore.

384
00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:01,486
Shirley, Jesus turned the other cheek.

385
00:16:01,487 --> 00:16:02,827
He didn't garnish wages.

386
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:04,770
Pierce, do I even need to say this?

387
00:16:04,771 --> 00:16:06,968
It is bad to hunt man for sport.

388
00:16:06,969 --> 00:16:08,322
Bad ass.

389
00:16:09,262 --> 00:16:12,166
This is the email that Alan
sent the bar association.

390
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,389
He stabbed you in the back, Jeff.

391
00:16:16,481 --> 00:16:17,928
He's a bad friend.

392
00:16:20,702 --> 00:16:21,658
You're right.

393
00:16:22,740 --> 00:16:24,214
He is a bad friend.

394
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:29,172
But he is a good lawyer.

395
00:16:30,477 --> 00:16:31,428
Now, I appreciate

396
00:16:31,429 --> 00:16:32,781
you guys caring,

397
00:16:32,782 --> 00:16:35,646
but you have to understand that I don't.

398
00:16:35,730 --> 00:16:37,369
Caring is lethal around here.

399
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:38,849
It's... it's a disease.

400
00:16:38,850 --> 00:16:40,915
You guys have it. I don't.

401
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,560
So if you do care about me,

402
00:16:43,632 --> 00:16:44,965
don't infect me.

403
00:16:46,143 --> 00:16:46,842
Now,

404
00:16:46,843 --> 00:16:48,865
go win that
pop-and-lock-a-thon.

405
00:16:49,436 --> 00:16:50,636
I'll see you Monday.

406
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,113
It's like watching a soul
slip through our fingers.

407
00:16:55,190 --> 00:16:57,046
But what more can we do?

408
00:16:59,001 --> 00:17:00,459
Would you stop?

409
00:17:02,916 --> 00:17:04,587
Tango!

410
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,631
I don't know how you did it, man...

411
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:08,754
But you're looking at
the firm's next partner.

412
00:17:08,813 --> 00:17:11,529
If I wasn't actively
repressing my bi-curiosity,

413
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,688
I would kiss you full
on your beautiful mouth.

414
00:17:13,861 --> 00:17:15,812
Well, maybe you can
return the favor one day.

415
00:17:15,813 --> 00:17:18,315
Maybe... I can return it right now.

416
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:20,249
You probably know

417
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:23,453
that it was someone here at
the firm who turned you in.

418
00:17:25,213 --> 00:17:26,805
God, this is really hard.

419
00:17:28,274 --> 00:17:30,490
Alan... It's okay.

420
00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:31,655
You can tell me.

421
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:38,590
It was Thompson.

422
00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,282
- Thompson.
- Yeah.

423
00:17:42,691 --> 00:17:45,278
Thompson that adopted
three at-risk teens

424
00:17:45,279 --> 00:17:47,854
and donated his kidney to a temp.

425
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,381
- All an act.
- Mm.

426
00:17:50,382 --> 00:17:52,780
Yeah. Why do you think he
quit right after you left?

427
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:54,830
Well, his... his wife died.

428
00:17:55,085 --> 00:17:56,640
Did she...Jeff?

429
00:17:57,246 --> 00:18:00,314
Did...She?

430
00:18:00,449 --> 00:18:02,785
Anyway...Congrats.

431
00:18:03,532 --> 00:18:05,751
Hey, let's go do some
shots with Phil, huh?

432
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,586
No, you go ahead. I, uh...

433
00:18:08,029 --> 00:18:09,419
I think I caught something...

434
00:18:09,658 --> 00:18:11,205
At... at Greendale.

435
00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:13,787
College chicks. I get ya!

436
00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:16,662
You're bad!

437
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,244
It hurts!

438
00:18:30,245 --> 00:18:32,108
Shamone... It hurts!

439
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:34,115
Ben, you need to switch up your moves.

440
00:18:35,594 --> 00:18:36,242
Ohh...

441
00:18:36,243 --> 00:18:37,772
Do my eyes deceive me?

442
00:18:37,773 --> 00:18:40,173
Troy Barnes tagging in for the save!

443
00:18:40,174 --> 00:18:41,493
- Oh!
- Oh, my God!

444
00:18:41,494 --> 00:18:43,513
Only two teams left.

445
00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:45,198
The poppy lockstockings,

446
00:18:45,199 --> 00:18:47,741
and the Heather pop and locklears!

447
00:18:49,317 --> 00:18:51,378
- Troy, what's wrong?
- I don't know.

448
00:18:51,379 --> 00:18:52,903
My heart's just not in it.

449
00:18:52,904 --> 00:18:53,689
Maybe we should quit.

450
00:18:53,690 --> 00:18:56,337
I mean, who even cares
about this anyway?

451
00:18:56,771 --> 00:18:59,075
Next up, looks like Jeffery Winger!

452
00:18:59,076 --> 00:19:00,659
- Oh, Jeffrey, you're back!
- Oh!

453
00:19:01,493 --> 00:19:03,494
- Did you miss me?
- Took you long enough.

454
00:19:04,614 --> 00:19:05,619
Oh!

455
00:19:06,741 --> 00:19:07,992
Now we got it.

456
00:19:08,297 --> 00:19:09,727
- Hey!
- Yes!

457
00:19:12,717 --> 00:19:15,088
Jeffrey, did you punch
Alan in his rotten face

458
00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:16,794
- and then storm out?
- Hell, no.

459
00:19:16,795 --> 00:19:18,124
That guy's useful to me.

460
00:19:18,125 --> 00:19:19,886
Thanks to you, I've now got leverage

461
00:19:19,887 --> 00:19:22,372
over a spineless jag
that just made partner.

462
00:19:22,653 --> 00:19:24,508
That is the place I want to work.

463
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,489
But I prefer to hang
out with cool people,

464
00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:29,148
people so cool... They care.

465
00:19:29,341 --> 00:19:30,246
Oh!

466
00:19:30,639 --> 00:19:32,603
And now... The Puppet.

467
00:19:40,616 --> 00:19:41,710
Jeffrey!

468
00:19:44,068 --> 00:19:46,896
Ah, no parking on the
dance floor, Winger.

469
00:19:47,543 --> 00:19:49,080
No, I'm serious.
You're disqualified.

470
00:19:49,081 --> 00:19:51,655
The winners are the poppy lockstockings!

471
00:19:53,971 --> 00:19:56,220
Noooooo!

472
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,126
I been popping and locking

473
00:19:58,127 --> 00:20:00,197
for five hours,

474
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,224
and you threw it all away!

475
00:20:02,693 --> 00:20:04,482
The contest doesn't matter.

476
00:20:04,576 --> 00:20:06,638
What's important is we have each other.

477
00:20:07,019 --> 00:20:09,685
Then... Can I be in your study group?

478
00:20:09,804 --> 00:20:11,756
Well, that wasn't the deal.

479
00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:14,053
We lost, so...

480
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,939
That was dope, what we did.

481
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:17,294
That was so good!

482
00:20:17,295 --> 00:20:20,358
The Puppet too!
The Puppet was so...

483
00:20:20,814 --> 00:20:22,306
I rolled my ankle during that.

484
00:20:22,307 --> 00:20:23,564
- Aw!
- Twisted it?

485
00:20:23,565 --> 00:20:24,891
It was worth it, though.

486
00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:33,412
You know what, he's bringing us down.

487
00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:35,544
Let's move him. Can we move him?

488
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,061
Psst! Troy!

489
00:20:39,462 --> 00:20:40,355
It's me.

490
00:20:40,929 --> 00:20:41,876
Abed?

491
00:20:41,906 --> 00:20:43,073
I made it through!

492
00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:44,524
I'm a cartoon now.

493
00:20:44,662 --> 00:20:45,837
That's impossible.

494
00:20:45,838 --> 00:20:48,534
Nothing's impossible in here.
Animals can talk.

495
00:20:48,535 --> 00:20:50,116
Your heart is shaped like a heart.

496
00:20:50,117 --> 00:20:52,472
And the smell of pie can make you float.

497
00:20:52,473 --> 00:20:54,587
You have to believe, Troy.

498
00:20:56,374 --> 00:20:57,645
Wait! You don't have to believe.

499
00:20:57,646 --> 00:20:58,626
I didn't.

500
00:21:00,814 --> 00:21:01,849
I didn't.

501
00:21:05,136 --> 00:21:06,688
I may have done some damage there.

502
00:21:06,888 --> 00:21:17,088
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