1
00:00:02,834 --> 00:00:04,436
Oh, what are you guys doing together,

2
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:05,958
- just the two of you?
- We're gonna raise money

3
00:00:05,959 --> 00:00:07,552
on the quad to help with the oil spill.

4
00:00:07,553 --> 00:00:10,481
We're making this display to
show how serious the problem is.

5
00:00:10,482 --> 00:00:12,703
Oh, yeah.
Each drop represents

6
00:00:12,704 --> 00:00:15,458
10,000 gallons of oil.

7
00:00:17,339 --> 00:00:18,851
Ooh! Oh...

8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,843
I'm so glad this tragedy
overshadowed Haiti.

9
00:00:20,844 --> 00:00:22,011
I didn't have any ideas for that.

10
00:00:22,012 --> 00:00:23,819
Yay to having fun in pairs!

11
00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:25,445
What up, party people?

12
00:00:25,446 --> 00:00:26,956
Oh, you got a band-aid on your arm.

13
00:00:26,957 --> 00:00:28,144
You should be more careful shaving.

14
00:00:28,145 --> 00:00:30,739
I wax, dummy.
This is from a blood test.

15
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:32,382
Oh, no... I knew it.

16
00:00:32,383 --> 00:00:33,642
Things are going too well for you.

17
00:00:33,643 --> 00:00:35,560
Oh, no, no. Just a physical.

18
00:00:35,667 --> 00:00:37,558
Even a Ferrari needs a tune-up.

19
00:00:38,015 --> 00:00:39,320
You guys moonshiners now?

20
00:00:39,321 --> 00:00:40,951
No, just the two of them.

21
00:00:40,952 --> 00:00:42,610
We're raising money for the oil spill.

22
00:00:42,611 --> 00:00:43,917
Did you even know there was one?

23
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,296
Uh, yeah, I have the
aol home page bookmarked.

24
00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:47,786
Did you even know about the ostrich

25
00:00:47,787 --> 00:00:49,249
that raised the tiger cub?

26
00:00:51,681 --> 00:00:54,185
- Troy, what's wrong?
- I just saw a dead body.

27
00:00:54,833 --> 00:00:56,771
I told you not to use
the east stairwell.

28
00:00:56,772 --> 00:00:58,474
My pastor said it's meth season.

29
00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:00,400
You know I'm living
with Pierce now, so...

30
00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:02,748
This morning I went to
do laundry in the garage,

31
00:01:02,749 --> 00:01:05,214
and I found his mom... dead.

32
00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,832
- Oh!
- Troy, that's terrible!

33
00:01:07,833 --> 00:01:10,276
Well, she had been in
bad shape for a while.

34
00:01:10,627 --> 00:01:13,340
So I guess she crawled out
there to die like a cat.

35
00:01:15,115 --> 00:01:16,982
I've never been that close
to a dead body before.

36
00:01:16,983 --> 00:01:18,577
- Oh!
- Oh, pumpkin!

37
00:01:19,573 --> 00:01:21,441
She was so cold and gray.

38
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:23,748
I saw her underwear!

39
00:01:33,818 --> 00:01:35,986
Jeez... who died?

40
00:01:35,987 --> 00:01:39,021
Pierce, we're so sorry
to hear about your mom.

41
00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:40,454
- Why?
- Losing a loved one

42
00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:41,991
is always difficult.

43
00:01:41,992 --> 00:01:44,277
What? My mom isn't dead.

44
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:45,711
But when Troy found her,
he said that...

45
00:01:45,712 --> 00:01:48,123
Well, her heart, lungs,
kidneys, and brain

46
00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:49,211
stopped working.

47
00:01:49,212 --> 00:01:51,694
And another way of
saying that would be...

48
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,343
She's used up her organic body.

49
00:01:53,344 --> 00:01:56,539
By... dying in it.

50
00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:59,232
Wrong. She's alive.

51
00:02:00,233 --> 00:02:02,236
Mom was a part of my Buddhist church.

52
00:02:02,683 --> 00:02:05,020
She's a level five
laser lotus, same as me.

53
00:02:05,021 --> 00:02:07,291
When a level five's
body stops functioning,

54
00:02:07,292 --> 00:02:09,580
it's vaporized in the temple of renewal

55
00:02:09,581 --> 00:02:11,991
and stored in an energon pod.

56
00:02:11,992 --> 00:02:14,642
In a few years, when
our technology advances,

57
00:02:14,643 --> 00:02:16,099
they'll extract her body vapors

58
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,894
and recondense it to a solid state.

59
00:02:17,895 --> 00:02:18,959
And before you know it,

60
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,566
mom'll be back in the kitchen
making Troy and me sandwiches.

61
00:02:23,767 --> 00:02:24,662
Ha.

62
00:02:27,365 --> 00:02:29,769
Pumpkin! It's okay!

63
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,914
Did you guys hear about
that turtle in China?

64
00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:38,125
Two packs a day.

65
00:03:02,893 --> 00:03:06,913
Sync by YYeTs.net - Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com

66
00:03:09,897 --> 00:03:11,615
Look, if you guys just let
me get to the can opener,

67
00:03:11,616 --> 00:03:12,664
I can feed you.

68
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:13,993
We have to do something about Pierce.

69
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:16,090
He really thinks his mom isn't dead.

70
00:03:16,261 --> 00:03:18,012
He's gone crazy.

71
00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:19,043
...Er?

72
00:03:19,044 --> 00:03:21,296
He won't even let us
have a memorial service.

73
00:03:21,552 --> 00:03:23,149
I was halfway done with the collage.

74
00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:24,822
He hasn't cried yet, and
from what I've been told,

75
00:03:24,823 --> 00:03:27,279
- that's not normal.
- Who's normal, Abed?

76
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,299
Well, baptists are, but
that's beside the point.

77
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:31,635
Everybody has some sort of
service for the departed...

78
00:03:31,636 --> 00:03:34,067
Eskimos, witch doctors, Jewish people.

79
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:35,346
Oh, cool. We made the list.

80
00:03:35,347 --> 00:03:38,034
The point being, death
needs to be coped with,

81
00:03:38,035 --> 00:03:40,145
not ignored, otherwise, why did mankind

82
00:03:40,146 --> 00:03:41,830
concoct all these religions?

83
00:03:41,831 --> 00:03:44,863
- You wanna rephrase that?
- Oh, I'm sorry... Humankind.

84
00:03:44,864 --> 00:03:45,958
You think you're real smart, don't you?

85
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,329
Guys, guys, guys.
Did we learn nothing

86
00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:49,566
from last Christmas?

87
00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:51,873
I don't see much difference
between Pierce's religion

88
00:03:51,874 --> 00:03:53,029
and anybody else's.

89
00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:54,027
Well, then you're not listening,

90
00:03:54,028 --> 00:03:55,582
because his has lasers.

91
00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:58,389
Look, you guys make fun of me
for not caring about religion,

92
00:03:58,390 --> 00:04:00,782
but at least I'm dedicated
enough to not caring

93
00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:03,102
to let you have your own beliefs.

94
00:04:04,232 --> 00:04:05,604
Can't Pierce have his?

95
00:04:06,464 --> 00:04:07,926
Can't you be cool like me?

96
00:04:09,676 --> 00:04:10,497
Hello?

97
00:04:10,805 --> 00:04:12,915
He ends so many of
his speeches that way.

98
00:04:14,209 --> 00:04:16,761
- Morning, guys.
- Morning, Pierce.

99
00:04:17,077 --> 00:04:18,968
- How's mom?
- Terrific.

100
00:04:18,969 --> 00:04:21,109
Her body's being vaporized as we speak.

101
00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:22,665
What does that feel like?

102
00:04:22,666 --> 00:04:24,170
They say it's the greatest feeling ever.

103
00:04:24,171 --> 00:04:27,375
Like the second when the fudge
on your Sunday is still hot

104
00:04:27,376 --> 00:04:30,380
or when you're the first one
to break in a new boob job.

105
00:04:30,381 --> 00:04:33,096
Also, you're free from the
burden of your earthly body.

106
00:04:33,097 --> 00:04:34,155
It is a burden.

107
00:04:34,156 --> 00:04:37,155
Greetings, class!
I am Dr. Ian Duncan.

108
00:04:37,156 --> 00:04:39,948
Now, I don't normally
teach anthropology,

109
00:04:39,949 --> 00:04:43,283
but apparently Professor Bauer
tried to strangle Mr. Winger

110
00:04:43,389 --> 00:04:45,790
and has been put on
administrative leave with pay.

111
00:04:45,791 --> 00:04:50,161
So... What is anthropology?

112
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,904
Seriously, does anyone know?

113
00:04:55,597 --> 00:04:58,573
- You, in the boobs.
- It's the study of humanity.

114
00:04:58,678 --> 00:04:59,606
Wow!

115
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,866
Wow. I thought psychology was a racket.

116
00:05:03,847 --> 00:05:05,246
Well, well.

117
00:05:06,309 --> 00:05:08,645
I heard there was a drunk limey

118
00:05:08,646 --> 00:05:09,864
teachin' this class.

119
00:05:09,865 --> 00:05:11,892
I'm not actually drunk,
and I can prove it.

120
00:05:11,893 --> 00:05:14,362
I blew beneath the legal
limit just this morning.

121
00:05:14,363 --> 00:05:15,404
That's reassuring.

122
00:05:15,405 --> 00:05:17,369
Also, I would like everyone here to know

123
00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:20,149
that this man assaulted me last year.

124
00:05:20,150 --> 00:05:22,121
And I have a restraining order

125
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,983
so I can have him expelled
if he comes within...

126
00:05:24,984 --> 00:05:26,562
25...

127
00:05:26,633 --> 00:05:27,675
Feet.

128
00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:29,728
- Abed.
- Yep.

129
00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:42,756
Proceed, Dr. Teeth.

130
00:05:43,055 --> 00:05:47,678
It is the single largest
disaster in recorded history.

131
00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:51,204
It is worse than 50 Exxon Valdez spills!

132
00:05:51,205 --> 00:05:52,980
You don't have to yell at us.

133
00:05:52,982 --> 00:05:55,654
Nobody is on the other
side of this issue.

134
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,216
And the pelicans are covered in oil.

135
00:05:59,217 --> 00:06:01,803
Everyone likes pelicans.
They bring babies.

136
00:06:01,922 --> 00:06:04,140
- That's storks.
- Oh, right.

137
00:06:04,153 --> 00:06:06,533
Well... We still like them!

138
00:06:07,432 --> 00:06:08,691
Yeah, we do. Um...

139
00:06:09,012 --> 00:06:10,244
I'm gonna give you...

140
00:06:10,827 --> 00:06:12,713
- another 20.
- Oh!

141
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:14,947
Thank you so much!

142
00:06:18,188 --> 00:06:19,701
I'm here for my test results...

143
00:06:19,954 --> 00:06:21,674
If you haven't framed them yet.

144
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,850
- Hi, gorgeous.
- Jeff.

145
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,076
You have something very infectious.

146
00:06:26,383 --> 00:06:27,838
- What?
- Charm!

147
00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:30,138
You got me, Jackie.

148
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,163
Seriously, everything looks great.

149
00:06:32,164 --> 00:06:33,672
You're an incredible specimen.

150
00:06:33,673 --> 00:06:36,026
Even your moles look like little hearts.

151
00:06:36,207 --> 00:06:37,471
The only thing I would suggest...

152
00:06:37,472 --> 00:06:39,141
Go see a doctor and get a prescription

153
00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:41,043
for cholesterol medication.

154
00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:44,451
Your cholesterol's a little high.

155
00:06:44,452 --> 00:06:46,563
It's no big deal.
Eat some egg whites.

156
00:06:46,564 --> 00:06:48,625
But I... I don't understand.

157
00:06:48,626 --> 00:06:51,382
Wait, did I accidentally
tell you you have AIDS?

158
00:06:51,383 --> 00:06:52,504
'Cause I've done that before.

159
00:06:52,505 --> 00:06:53,605
It doesn't... I mean... it doesn't...

160
00:06:53,606 --> 00:06:55,235
I treat my body like a temple!

161
00:06:55,236 --> 00:06:57,282
Well, I can't be the
first person to tell you

162
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,355
that the temple doesn't last forever.

163
00:06:59,407 --> 00:07:01,022
I mean, it's made of hamburger.

164
00:07:01,023 --> 00:07:03,291
This is a... this is a temple of doom.

165
00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:05,439
And you know what?
Like the real Temple of Doom,

166
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,435
it represents the inconvenient fact

167
00:07:07,436 --> 00:07:08,720
that all good things...

168
00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:11,338
Be they people or movie franchises...

169
00:07:11,339 --> 00:07:14,446
Eventually collapse
into sagging, sloppy,

170
00:07:14,447 --> 00:07:16,948
rotten piles of hard to follow nonsense.

171
00:07:17,442 --> 00:07:18,651
I need to be alone.

172
00:07:21,217 --> 00:07:23,540
Uh... You can do that by leaving.

173
00:07:28,159 --> 00:07:29,539
Whoo. Okay.

174
00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:30,791
Let's get goin'!

175
00:07:30,976 --> 00:07:32,927
Those paps aren't
gonna smear themselves.

176
00:07:33,862 --> 00:07:37,742
There is no God!

177
00:07:37,994 --> 00:07:40,367
Tell us how you really feel.
Am I right?

178
00:07:48,662 --> 00:07:49,602
Morning, Jeff.

179
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:50,890
Did you get the results
of your blood test?

180
00:07:50,891 --> 00:07:52,908
- I'm fine.
- I figured.

181
00:07:53,830 --> 00:07:55,541
Thank you for wising us up yesterday.

182
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,867
We were being judgmental
about Pierce's religion.

183
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,032
But the fact is, Jesus...

184
00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:01,131
The fact is, everyone's dying.

185
00:08:02,143 --> 00:08:03,452
And we all have these little notions

186
00:08:03,453 --> 00:08:04,581
that we're the exception,

187
00:08:04,582 --> 00:08:06,654
but we're as wrong as we are dead.

188
00:08:10,867 --> 00:08:11,995
That's nice.

189
00:08:15,089 --> 00:08:16,958
How's it going with
the little side project

190
00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:18,764
that just the two of you are doing?

191
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:21,863
It's great. I made $236,

192
00:08:21,864 --> 00:08:23,038
plus Britta's makes...

193
00:08:23,039 --> 00:08:26,383
well, all totaled, we're
close to 250, right, Britta?

194
00:08:27,265 --> 00:08:29,084
Greendale cares about this issue.

195
00:08:29,085 --> 00:08:30,749
Yeah. I don't think that's it.

196
00:08:30,838 --> 00:08:32,597
- What do you mean?
- Come on, Annie.

197
00:08:32,598 --> 00:08:33,829
You know guys are giving you money

198
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:36,529
because of the whole
sexy schoolgirl routine.

199
00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:38,848
- I have a routine?
- Yeah.

200
00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:41,676
You know, the one where
you use posture as an excuse

201
00:08:41,677 --> 00:08:42,903
to stick out your chest

202
00:08:42,904 --> 00:08:45,169
and you laugh at guys' unfunny jokes,

203
00:08:45,170 --> 00:08:46,298
pretending not to know

204
00:08:46,299 --> 00:08:48,812
that they have a sock at
home with your name on it.

205
00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:52,297
Um... That's me,

206
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,576
and if a guy wants to
make a puppet of me,

207
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,124
that's hardly your concern.

208
00:08:56,125 --> 00:08:57,991
Well, I just may be an outsider here

209
00:08:57,992 --> 00:08:59,972
because I was never
called to participate,

210
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,962
but it seems to me that Britta's upset

211
00:09:01,963 --> 00:09:04,482
because she's raising
less money than you.

212
00:09:04,483 --> 00:09:05,669
Yeah, I'm raising less money

213
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,260
because I'm not
jump-starting date rapists.

214
00:09:09,973 --> 00:09:10,996
Bitter much?

215
00:09:10,997 --> 00:09:12,844
Say "bitter much" much?

216
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:16,558
Say say "bitter much much" much?

217
00:09:20,737 --> 00:09:23,145
It's not my fault.
I used to wear a back brace.

218
00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:24,282
That's why.

219
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:27,274
What's with the lava lamp?

220
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:31,138
It's not a lava lamp.
It's my mom.

221
00:09:31,139 --> 00:09:32,782
Ha ho ho! Snap!

222
00:09:33,170 --> 00:09:34,172
Wait... What?

223
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:36,778
The temple finished vaporizing her.

224
00:09:36,933 --> 00:09:38,813
This is mom's energon pod.

225
00:09:39,524 --> 00:09:41,411
And that's her vapor
in those little bubbles.

226
00:09:41,412 --> 00:09:43,131
I'm sure that thing was free, right?

227
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:45,240
Energon doesn't grow on trees, Jeff.

228
00:09:45,241 --> 00:09:48,275
It's harvested by super bees
in a Buddhist meteor crater.

229
00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:49,898
Which is at the foot of mount sky mall

230
00:09:49,899 --> 00:09:51,498
in the sharper image valley?

231
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:53,850
Sorry, I overslept.

232
00:09:53,851 --> 00:09:56,630
The sidewalk is more
comfortable than it looks.

233
00:09:56,631 --> 00:09:58,762
Drunk. Glug, glug, glug.

234
00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:01,252
Shut up. So where did
we get to yesterday?

235
00:10:01,253 --> 00:10:02,661
You are drunk and stupid.

236
00:10:02,662 --> 00:10:05,067
Actually, Ben, I do have
a wee big of a headache,

237
00:10:05,068 --> 00:10:06,294
so if you could just...

238
00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:13,790
Isn't that interesting?

239
00:10:13,791 --> 00:10:15,491
I have a right to be here, sir.

240
00:10:15,513 --> 00:10:16,770
Oh, you do, you do,

241
00:10:16,771 --> 00:10:20,384
and I do hope you
have very good hearing.

242
00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:23,347
Bastard!

243
00:10:25,243 --> 00:10:27,480
So, where did we get to yesterday?

244
00:10:27,481 --> 00:10:29,176
We were talking about humanity,

245
00:10:29,177 --> 00:10:32,872
which starts with birth
and ends with death.

246
00:10:32,873 --> 00:10:33,734
True.

247
00:10:33,735 --> 00:10:36,409
All life ends in death,
which we, as a species,

248
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:39,547
are cursed with knowing, resulting in...

249
00:10:40,929 --> 00:10:43,193
Something.

250
00:10:43,808 --> 00:10:46,638
Again, this is really not my field.

251
00:10:46,639 --> 00:10:48,479
Professor, what would you say

252
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,184
might be the difference between

253
00:10:50,185 --> 00:10:52,826
a religion and... a cult?

254
00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:55,037
Why don't we open that
question to the floor,

255
00:10:55,038 --> 00:10:56,081
since I don't know

256
00:10:56,082 --> 00:10:58,051
and the book for this
class is expensive?

257
00:10:58,052 --> 00:11:00,720
Well, I would say a
cult might, for instance,

258
00:11:00,721 --> 00:11:03,228
sell you a tube of Jell-O

259
00:11:03,415 --> 00:11:06,196
and tell you your mother is in it.

260
00:11:06,197 --> 00:11:08,517
- Jeffrey!
- I see... Are we thinly veiling

261
00:11:08,518 --> 00:11:10,487
a personal conflict and
passing it off as a lesson?

262
00:11:10,488 --> 00:11:12,127
'Cause if so, please continue.

263
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,216
Reformed neo-buddhism is not a cult!

264
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,244
It is a new way of looking at the world,

265
00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:18,884
emphasizing empowerment.

266
00:11:19,076 --> 00:11:21,255
- Like a video game?
- Yes, Troy.

267
00:11:21,256 --> 00:11:22,656
Very much like a video game.

268
00:11:22,738 --> 00:11:24,768
You gain levels, and at a certain point,

269
00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:27,310
you actually can eat a ghost.

270
00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,184
What? I wanna eat a ghost!

271
00:11:29,185 --> 00:11:31,525
No. No, do not let him
pollute your brain

272
00:11:31,526 --> 00:11:32,635
with this crap, Troy.

273
00:11:32,636 --> 00:11:35,533
- It's okay to ask questions.
- I have a question.

274
00:11:35,534 --> 00:11:37,739
You said your mother went
from a solid to a vapor.

275
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,674
Do people in your religion
ever take liquid form,

276
00:11:39,675 --> 00:11:40,687
like the creatures in the abyss

277
00:11:40,688 --> 00:11:41,837
or children's Tylenol?

278
00:11:42,379 --> 00:11:43,330
That's a good question.

279
00:11:43,331 --> 00:11:45,895
Actually, when Buddha returns,

280
00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:47,400
we all take liquid form

281
00:11:47,401 --> 00:11:50,913
and merge into a shimmering
ocean of knowledge.

282
00:11:51,342 --> 00:11:54,473
Which, according to scripture,
tastes like Hawaiian Punch.

283
00:11:54,474 --> 00:11:56,691
I do like Hawaiian Punch.

284
00:11:56,692 --> 00:11:57,705
Hey, if you're really curious,

285
00:11:57,706 --> 00:11:59,861
come to my church's open hive tomorrow.

286
00:11:59,862 --> 00:12:02,981
You know, wine, beer,
free credit checks.

287
00:12:02,982 --> 00:12:04,571
How much wine and beer per person?

288
00:12:04,572 --> 00:12:06,581
- Oh, come on!
- We're having a con... What?

289
00:12:06,582 --> 00:12:09,099
Excuse me. Is this anesthesiology?

290
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,742
Yes. Yes, it is.

291
00:12:11,743 --> 00:12:12,912
Just go with this.

292
00:12:13,038 --> 00:12:15,643
It's really sad. Anything helps.

293
00:12:15,644 --> 00:12:17,640
So just anything you
could give would be...

294
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,150
Hey!

295
00:12:24,151 --> 00:12:27,138
I like need you to save the pelicans.

296
00:12:27,139 --> 00:12:29,590
They're all feathery and pelicany.

297
00:12:29,591 --> 00:12:31,478
I wuv them.

298
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,679
Thank you!

299
00:12:36,628 --> 00:12:39,381
Wow. It really is easy to raise money

300
00:12:39,382 --> 00:12:40,942
when you sell out your gender.

301
00:12:42,112 --> 00:12:43,409
I'm sure it's even easier

302
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:45,263
when you're not standing next to this.

303
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,593
Hey, jerk! You're stupid!

304
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:49,230
Gimme money. I know more than you.

305
00:12:49,231 --> 00:12:51,200
Oh, I don't know anything.

306
00:12:51,201 --> 00:12:52,856
I need boys.

307
00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:55,311
Saving the planet makes my back hurt.

308
00:12:55,312 --> 00:12:57,354
Oh, I obviously don't
need guys for anything.

309
00:12:57,355 --> 00:13:00,041
That's why I wear stripper
boots during the day

310
00:13:00,042 --> 00:13:02,181
and eat only celery
and mustard for lunch!

311
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:05,154
- Oh, I never stop smiling.
- I never start!

312
00:13:05,155 --> 00:13:07,090
My sweaters keep shrinking!

313
00:13:07,091 --> 00:13:10,872
I get up an hour early to
ever-so-slightly curl my hair.

314
00:13:16,341 --> 00:13:18,449
Yeah, you're both so different.

315
00:13:18,450 --> 00:13:19,740
Skinny bitches.

316
00:13:19,761 --> 00:13:21,680
Hello, Billionaire Boys Club.

317
00:13:22,639 --> 00:13:24,584
Mind if I ask what
happened in class today?

318
00:13:24,585 --> 00:13:27,283
You pulled 40 minutes of
anesthesiology out of your ass.

319
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:28,452
Yeah, I did.

320
00:13:28,735 --> 00:13:31,172
But, uh, I meant your elderly friend.

321
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:35,828
Do you know how many times
I haven't eaten a donut?

322
00:13:35,829 --> 00:13:37,567
- I do not.
- How much I got teased

323
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:40,134
in grade school for dabbing
my pizza with napkins?

324
00:13:40,699 --> 00:13:41,723
I've suffered.

325
00:13:42,127 --> 00:13:43,828
- I've denied myself.
- Mm-hmm.

326
00:13:43,829 --> 00:13:46,064
Because the rules said if I did that,

327
00:13:46,065 --> 00:13:47,543
I would live longer.

328
00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:49,562
But then, halfway through the game,

329
00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:53,090
I get this little update that
it doesn't matter what I do.

330
00:13:53,156 --> 00:13:54,765
I could eat powdered bran every day

331
00:13:54,766 --> 00:13:56,239
while you suck down figgy pudding,

332
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,267
and I still might die first.

333
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,692
It's unfair! I want my donuts back.

334
00:14:01,836 --> 00:14:05,350
Well, I think you're being
a little childish, and...

335
00:14:06,389 --> 00:14:08,133
Hold on a sec.
I need to use my force field

336
00:14:08,134 --> 00:14:09,744
to prevent Chang from getting food.

337
00:14:39,940 --> 00:14:42,339
Now, where were we? Look...

338
00:14:42,379 --> 00:14:45,158
The way I see it, while
claiming to have no religion,

339
00:14:45,159 --> 00:14:47,897
you were actually devoutly
worshipping yourself.

340
00:14:47,898 --> 00:14:50,499
And now that your God
has high cholesterol,

341
00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,185
you're trying to kick
Pierce's in the balls.

342
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:56,909
You're right.

343
00:14:57,005 --> 00:15:00,323
All I've been trying to
do is crush Pierce's faith

344
00:15:00,324 --> 00:15:01,938
to feel better about dying.

345
00:15:01,939 --> 00:15:02,866
And...

346
00:15:02,928 --> 00:15:04,886
And now that I realize
that that was my goal...

347
00:15:04,887 --> 00:15:05,756
Mm-hmm?

348
00:15:06,263 --> 00:15:08,567
I can really roll up my sleeves

349
00:15:08,568 --> 00:15:09,530
and get it done.

350
00:15:09,531 --> 00:15:10,809
- There it is.
- Thank you!

351
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:11,794
You're welcome.

352
00:15:12,323 --> 00:15:15,495
No, that wasn't what I...
Actually, I don't care.

353
00:15:18,199 --> 00:15:19,983
He girls, guess who found Buddha.

354
00:15:19,984 --> 00:15:21,011
- Hey.
- Hi.

355
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,047
We're on our way to
Pierce's buddhist open hive.

356
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,082
But first I'm taking
these fellows for ice cream

357
00:15:26,083 --> 00:15:28,792
as an apology for
questioning Pierce's faith.

358
00:15:28,837 --> 00:15:31,531
Pierce says there's this
69th flavor I need to try.

359
00:15:31,532 --> 00:15:32,818
I am excited.

360
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,495
Hey, guys, my car's over there.

361
00:15:34,739 --> 00:15:35,539
Cool.

362
00:15:36,404 --> 00:15:37,284
Guess what.

363
00:15:37,766 --> 00:15:39,504
I'm not actually taking
them for ice cream.

364
00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:41,648
I am taking them to the county morgue

365
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,870
where I have confirmed
that Pierce's mother's

366
00:15:43,871 --> 00:15:45,698
very un-vaporized corpse

367
00:15:45,699 --> 00:15:48,079
will be lying on a stainless steel slab

368
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,233
for all to see.

369
00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:51,804
Surprise! Welcome to reality.

370
00:15:51,805 --> 00:15:53,048
Welcome to death.

371
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,482
- Have fun.
- Good luck.

372
00:15:54,925 --> 00:15:55,904
Wow.

373
00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:57,760
You guys are real downers.

374
00:15:57,795 --> 00:15:59,414
I can't believe I made
out with both of you.

375
00:15:59,932 --> 00:16:00,838
Ugh.

376
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,421
I'll check the basket.

377
00:16:04,142 --> 00:16:05,245
Sorry.

378
00:16:05,246 --> 00:16:07,029
I almost arched my back a little.

379
00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:08,346
I know you hate that.

380
00:16:08,347 --> 00:16:10,980
No, I should count it.
Since I'm a calculating bitch.

381
00:16:10,981 --> 00:16:12,536
No, I should, since I'm the one

382
00:16:12,537 --> 00:16:14,219
who's whoring out our gender!

383
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:15,978
- Give that back to me.
- I'm gonna count it!

384
00:16:15,979 --> 00:16:17,758
- Let go!
- Gimme that!

385
00:16:25,633 --> 00:16:27,190
Oh, yeah? Think this is funny?

386
00:16:27,191 --> 00:16:29,194
You think it's funny? Get off of me!

387
00:16:29,195 --> 00:16:31,696
- You little brat!
- Oh!

388
00:16:33,831 --> 00:16:34,863
I hate you!

389
00:16:35,581 --> 00:16:38,208
Now, this is why I came to America.

390
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:41,276
Maybe we should listen to some music.

391
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,551
No problem.

392
00:16:42,678 --> 00:16:44,661
I brought the jam book
from the Pierce Mobile.

393
00:16:44,662 --> 00:16:46,035
I could play some of the old stuff,

394
00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:47,575
but you guys would make fun of me.

395
00:16:48,613 --> 00:16:49,393
So...

396
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:53,036
I'll throw ya... a bone
and put in some loggins.

397
00:16:53,037 --> 00:16:54,740
This ice cream place is far.

398
00:16:54,804 --> 00:16:56,800
Trust me. It's worth it.

399
00:16:57,957 --> 00:16:59,030
What's this?

400
00:16:59,031 --> 00:17:00,535
This is mom's handwriting.

401
00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:03,001
Is that what you were
doing in the garage,

402
00:17:03,002 --> 00:17:04,121
you silly goose?

403
00:17:04,122 --> 00:17:08,579
She spent her last
moments alive making a cd?

404
00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:10,975
That's gangster!

405
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:14,282
Pierce, you found the CD,

406
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,697
which means... I'm dead.

407
00:17:16,698 --> 00:17:17,424
Vaporized.

408
00:17:17,425 --> 00:17:20,903
I'm not vaporized.
I'm gone, Pierce.

409
00:17:21,284 --> 00:17:23,057
Gone forever and...

410
00:17:23,811 --> 00:17:25,679
that's how I like it.

411
00:17:26,819 --> 00:17:30,781
Life is only worth a
damn because it's short.

412
00:17:31,225 --> 00:17:34,685
It's designed to be consumed, used,

413
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:38,146
spent, lived, felt.

414
00:17:38,147 --> 00:17:40,658
We're supposed to fill
it with every mistake

415
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:43,244
and miracle we can manage.

416
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:46,489
And then we're supposed to let go.

417
00:17:46,759 --> 00:17:50,730
I can't force you to do
that for yourself, Pierce.

418
00:17:51,077 --> 00:17:54,364
But you can't force me to stay.

419
00:17:54,653 --> 00:17:58,096
And if you unscrew the
top of that stupid thing,

420
00:17:58,097 --> 00:18:00,628
you'll see it was made in China.

421
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:02,401
I love you, son.

422
00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:04,410
Good-bye.

423
00:18:05,499 --> 00:18:07,489
I'll play myself out.

424
00:18:16,106 --> 00:18:17,095
Whew.

425
00:18:17,217 --> 00:18:18,596
Well, that proves one thing.

426
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:21,890
That woman was really losing her marbles

427
00:18:21,948 --> 00:18:23,100
toward the end.

428
00:18:28,287 --> 00:18:31,475
You... seriously still
think she's in there?

429
00:18:31,476 --> 00:18:32,569
Why wouldn't I?

430
00:18:36,336 --> 00:18:37,359
No reason.

431
00:18:41,489 --> 00:18:43,641
So... Where's this ice cream place?

432
00:18:43,642 --> 00:18:45,806
- Yeah.
- Oh...Um...

433
00:18:45,998 --> 00:18:48,267
You know, the... I think I...

434
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,986
actually saw a better one back there.

435
00:18:49,987 --> 00:18:53,665
The place I was gonna take
you was... kinda depressing.

436
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:59,029
Oh, can we get a little more
sawdust on that storm gutter?

437
00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:00,071
Thank you!

438
00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:04,419
- I'm sorry...
- I'm sorry too.

439
00:19:04,420 --> 00:19:06,110
I just got jealous of you.

440
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:08,242
No, but you totally called
me on what I was doing,

441
00:19:08,243 --> 00:19:10,475
and... I only kissed Jeff

442
00:19:10,476 --> 00:19:11,765
because I wanted to see if I could do it

443
00:19:11,766 --> 00:19:13,983
because I wanna be
cool and sexy like you.

444
00:19:13,984 --> 00:19:15,464
I can't believe how gross I am.

445
00:19:15,465 --> 00:19:17,917
I only slept with Jeff
because I hate myself,

446
00:19:17,918 --> 00:19:20,029
and that's why I got after
you for raising money.

447
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,513
I'm twice as gross.

448
00:19:21,514 --> 00:19:23,585
And you know the reason

449
00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:26,605
that we raised more money in
five minutes of oil wrestling

450
00:19:26,606 --> 00:19:28,473
than we did in two days of fundraising?

451
00:19:28,474 --> 00:19:30,586
Because... men are even grosser?

452
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:33,394
And when we forget that, they win.

453
00:19:37,598 --> 00:19:38,775
Yeah. All right.

454
00:19:38,776 --> 00:19:40,008
All right, all right.

455
00:19:40,671 --> 00:19:41,860
Yeah, do it.

456
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:43,902
Oh, so you got actual ice cream.

457
00:19:43,903 --> 00:19:46,124
Yeah. With peanut butter and hot Fudge.

458
00:19:46,404 --> 00:19:49,108
What the hell, right?
Nobody lives forever.

459
00:19:49,707 --> 00:19:50,718
No offense.

460
00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:53,080
Nah, think what you want.
It's a free country.

461
00:19:53,534 --> 00:19:55,376
I barely saw you this week, Abed.

462
00:19:55,377 --> 00:19:56,622
What have you been up to?

463
00:19:57,510 --> 00:19:58,843
- Not much.
- Hmm.

464
00:20:00,130 --> 00:20:00,801
What?

465
00:20:00,802 --> 00:20:02,773
Whoa! Busted! 25 feet!

466
00:20:02,774 --> 00:20:04,997
Which puts you in violation

467
00:20:04,998 --> 00:20:07,971
of this restraining
order I filed against you

468
00:20:07,972 --> 00:20:10,926
for abusing me with
your restraining order!

469
00:20:13,371 --> 00:20:16,057
Mutually assured destruction.

470
00:20:17,471 --> 00:20:19,426
Well played, Chang.

471
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,441
Thank you.

472
00:20:20,606 --> 00:20:21,506
Uh...

473
00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:24,270
That means a lot.

474
00:20:24,271 --> 00:20:25,750
Do you mind getting a quick photo of me

475
00:20:25,751 --> 00:20:27,290
with the oily coeds?

476
00:20:27,307 --> 00:20:28,456
- Center button.
- Okay.

477
00:20:28,457 --> 00:20:30,371
- You're the man.
- Yeah, no problem.

478
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,610
Wha... whaaaat?

479
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,137
It was a mislead.

480
00:20:58,178 --> 00:21:00,026
That's the whole point of inception.

481
00:21:00,027 --> 00:21:01,752
Subversion of reality.

482
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,219
He hasn't seen it yet!

483
00:21:10,220 --> 00:21:14,232
Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com