1
00:00:03,110 --> 00:00:05,599
Does anyone know how long
it takes papier-mache to dry?

2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:06,437
Three hours longer

3
00:00:06,438 --> 00:00:08,343
than it took Duncan to
think up this assignment.

4
00:00:08,344 --> 00:00:09,697
I think 's really gonna appreciate

5
00:00:09,698 --> 00:00:12,751
the extra work we did expanding
our evolutionary chart.

6
00:00:12,752 --> 00:00:15,330
Oh, Britta, can you hold up
the final stage of humanity?

7
00:00:15,331 --> 00:00:17,915
I still think that man is
going to evolve into woman,

8
00:00:17,916 --> 00:00:20,246
not dragon monster with three legs.

9
00:00:20,247 --> 00:00:21,385
Three legs?

10
00:00:22,376 --> 00:00:23,685
Well, it's been real...

11
00:00:23,884 --> 00:00:25,486
At least the paste smell has...

12
00:00:25,589 --> 00:00:27,081
But I have a date to catch.

13
00:00:27,082 --> 00:00:29,475
Or should I say a catch to date.

14
00:00:29,476 --> 00:00:31,286
Oof, hope you just
come up with that.

15
00:00:31,287 --> 00:00:33,752
Look out! Drive-by deaning!

16
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:34,724
Kidding.

17
00:00:34,725 --> 00:00:36,944
Just a non-violent verbal reminder.

18
00:00:36,945 --> 00:00:40,086
The local shelter is having a
puppy parade this afternoon.

19
00:00:40,087 --> 00:00:41,101
Ohh!

20
00:00:41,102 --> 00:00:42,678
Oh! I want to lick it.

21
00:00:42,679 --> 00:00:45,428
I expect all of you to lend a paw.

22
00:00:45,824 --> 00:00:47,203
Except you, Jeffrey.

23
00:00:47,204 --> 00:00:49,166
I know you've gotta catch to date.

24
00:00:50,324 --> 00:00:51,777
Oh, like you're famous for your wit.

25
00:00:51,778 --> 00:00:52,583
Puppy parade?

26
00:00:52,584 --> 00:00:53,777
I am in.

27
00:00:53,851 --> 00:00:55,819
Want to see if those wiener
dogs are born that way,

28
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:58,141
or if they start off normal
and then get wiener.

29
00:00:58,628 --> 00:01:00,209
Abed, did you pick up my pen?

30
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:02,084
It's a purple pen with a gel grip.

31
00:01:02,085 --> 00:01:04,261
Nope. I'm strictly
mechanical pencils these days.

32
00:01:04,262 --> 00:01:05,293
More relatable?

33
00:01:05,294 --> 00:01:06,675
It was just here.

34
00:01:06,987 --> 00:01:09,265
You okay, Annie? Chocolate?

35
00:01:09,411 --> 00:01:11,291
Would you like me to push
you to the parade, Pierce?

36
00:01:11,292 --> 00:01:12,124
Oh, no, thanks.

37
00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:14,224
I don't want people think
of me as a handicap.

38
00:01:14,225 --> 00:01:16,538
If anything, this chair
makes me more than a human.

39
00:01:21,711 --> 00:01:23,963
You move it by blowing into this,
uh, tube here.

40
00:01:23,964 --> 00:01:25,419
It's the most expensive one.

41
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:27,716
I outbid three hospitals for this baby,

42
00:01:27,717 --> 00:01:30,289
and it was worth every penny.

43
00:01:35,018 --> 00:01:35,801
Oh.

44
00:01:35,802 --> 00:01:36,767
Oh!

45
00:01:40,305 --> 00:01:42,167
Wait! Please just wait.

46
00:01:42,562 --> 00:01:45,085
I'm sorry, but I need
to know who took my pen.

47
00:01:45,526 --> 00:01:46,594
Uh...

48
00:01:47,164 --> 00:01:49,204
Sorry, I don't see it.

49
00:01:49,205 --> 00:01:50,981
Yeah, sorry, Annie.

50
00:01:52,185 --> 00:01:53,061
No!

51
00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,583
Not "sorry, Annie".

52
00:01:55,651 --> 00:01:59,073
We passed "sorry, Annie" eight pens ago!

53
00:01:59,074 --> 00:02:01,780
I keep bringing pens,
and you guys keep taking them,

54
00:02:01,781 --> 00:02:04,865
and I'm afraid I am
putting my foot down.

55
00:02:04,971 --> 00:02:07,524
Okay. Well, now, Annie has made it clear

56
00:02:07,525 --> 00:02:08,655
that this is an issue,

57
00:02:08,656 --> 00:02:11,728
so from now on, we need to be
more respectful of her things.

58
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,027
- Okay.
- Cool.

59
00:02:22,602 --> 00:02:27,602
Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com

60
00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:34,833
All right, it's not on the floor,

61
00:02:34,834 --> 00:02:37,930
- so whoever accidentally took...
- Not accidentally!

62
00:02:37,931 --> 00:02:41,910
Accidents don't just happen over
and over and over again, okay?

63
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,355
This isn't budget daycare.

64
00:02:43,445 --> 00:02:45,690
Okay, whoever insidiously

65
00:02:45,691 --> 00:02:47,422
and with great malice aforethought

66
00:02:47,423 --> 00:02:48,752
abducted Annie's pen,

67
00:02:48,753 --> 00:02:51,376
confess, repent,
and relinquish so we can leave.

68
00:02:51,377 --> 00:02:52,824
Maybe nobody took it.

69
00:02:52,825 --> 00:02:54,226
Sometimes I think I lost something

70
00:02:54,227 --> 00:02:55,249
really important to me,

71
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,224
and it turns out I already ate it.

72
00:02:57,225 --> 00:02:59,371
I didn't eat my pen, Troy.

73
00:02:59,372 --> 00:03:01,743
I know I brought it, and now it's gone.

74
00:03:02,321 --> 00:03:03,551
I took a photo.

75
00:03:05,408 --> 00:03:06,435
Aha!

76
00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:08,469
Aha. I'm zooming.

77
00:03:08,470 --> 00:03:09,809
See? See?

78
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:11,794
I took this ten minutes ago.

79
00:03:11,795 --> 00:03:13,507
My pen was on the table.

80
00:03:13,508 --> 00:03:15,149
No one has come in or out since.

81
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:17,522
One of you has my pen right now.

82
00:03:19,718 --> 00:03:20,739
Annie.

83
00:03:21,996 --> 00:03:22,880
It's a pen.

84
00:03:22,881 --> 00:03:23,914
It's not a pen!

85
00:03:23,915 --> 00:03:25,127
It's a principle.

86
00:03:28,412 --> 00:03:30,434
Not a good time to get
a stick of gum. Okay.

87
00:03:30,435 --> 00:03:31,701
Are we going to the puppy parade or not?

88
00:03:31,702 --> 00:03:33,486
Because this is starting to
feel like a bottle episode.

89
00:03:33,487 --> 00:03:34,985
Again with the TV crap.

90
00:03:34,986 --> 00:03:37,391
Hey, meatball, did you take Annie's pen

91
00:03:37,392 --> 00:03:40,756
to make life more like Benny Hill
or whatever you do?

92
00:03:41,195 --> 00:03:42,055
Abed?

93
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:43,991
I wouldn't do that. I
hate bottle episodes.

94
00:03:43,992 --> 00:03:46,136
They're wall-to-wall facial expression
and emotional nuance.

95
00:03:46,137 --> 00:03:47,625
I might as well sit in the corner
with a bucket on head.

96
00:03:47,626 --> 00:03:50,063
Well, I have a photography
project to finish,

97
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,314
and my grandmother's hands

98
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,098
aren't going to take
close-ups of themselves.

99
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,548
Hasta la later.

100
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:55,703
Hmm!

101
00:03:56,208 --> 00:03:58,070
Was that "hmm" directed at me?

102
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,495
If the "hmm" fits.

103
00:03:59,496 --> 00:04:00,881
I don't have your pen, Annie.

104
00:04:00,882 --> 00:04:02,110
I'm always lending you supplies.

105
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:03,388
You never come prepared.

106
00:04:03,389 --> 00:04:05,481
If it's so important to you,
here, have my pen.

107
00:04:05,482 --> 00:04:06,255
That's my pen.

108
00:04:06,256 --> 00:04:07,775
Well, whatever, people.

109
00:04:07,776 --> 00:04:09,140
They're just things.

110
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:10,406
Since they're just things,

111
00:04:10,407 --> 00:04:11,599
I don't suppose you'd mind letting us

112
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,093
take a quick look-see inside your bag?

113
00:04:13,094 --> 00:04:15,030
Oh, I'd very much mind, Annie.

114
00:04:15,031 --> 00:04:18,260
As a "quick" invasion
of civil liberties.

115
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:20,599
Oh, man.

116
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,421
Oh, it all starts with a quick
look-see into someone's bag

117
00:04:23,422 --> 00:04:25,015
and then it's a brisk peeka-roony

118
00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:26,054
at our phone records,

119
00:04:26,055 --> 00:04:29,205
and before you can say "1984",
the thought police

120
00:04:29,206 --> 00:04:31,644
are forcy-worcing you
to bend and spread.

121
00:04:31,645 --> 00:04:32,786
Bend and spread?

122
00:04:32,787 --> 00:04:34,169
Are the thought police
gonna make love to us?

123
00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,006
Do they find thoughts in our butts?

124
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:37,271
I knew I should have read that book.

125
00:04:37,272 --> 00:04:38,993
Britta, stop using the constitution

126
00:04:38,994 --> 00:04:40,120
as a baby blanket.

127
00:04:40,121 --> 00:04:42,327
Last week, she invoked the
Freedom of Information Act

128
00:04:42,328 --> 00:04:43,945
to request photocopies of my notes.

129
00:04:43,946 --> 00:04:45,208
That's pretty good.

130
00:04:45,209 --> 00:04:47,280
Well, excuse me for living free.

131
00:04:47,281 --> 00:04:49,110
Come on, Stoney, we all know
the pen's in your bag!

132
00:04:49,111 --> 00:04:51,421
- Yeah! Come on!
- Come on, dump it.

133
00:04:56,209 --> 00:04:57,284
Happy?

134
00:04:57,327 --> 00:04:58,727
Not if that's a used q-tip.

135
00:04:58,728 --> 00:04:59,696
- Eww.
- Oh!

136
00:05:01,577 --> 00:05:04,250
Welcome to the gross
business of martial law.

137
00:05:04,251 --> 00:05:07,133
Welcome to what used
to be individuality,

138
00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:10,269
seized and disintegrated
by cowardly groupthink.

139
00:05:10,270 --> 00:05:13,278
Welcome, my friends!
Welcome to the machine!

140
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,193
Well, Annie, it looks like
you were wrong.

141
00:05:15,194 --> 00:05:17,360
Britta does come prepared for one thing.

142
00:05:17,856 --> 00:05:19,271
Or six.

143
00:05:19,457 --> 00:05:21,204
- Big weekend?
- Can't complain.

144
00:05:21,205 --> 00:05:22,780
Razzle pzazzle.

145
00:05:23,049 --> 00:05:24,553
Attention, students!

146
00:05:24,554 --> 00:05:27,258
The puppy parade is
starting on the quad!

147
00:05:27,259 --> 00:05:28,149
Better come quick.

148
00:05:28,150 --> 00:05:30,247
With every passing moment,
these puppies grow older

149
00:05:30,248 --> 00:05:31,934
and less deserving of our attention.

150
00:05:31,935 --> 00:05:32,779
Whoa whoa whoa!

151
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,281
Where do you people think you're going?

152
00:05:34,282 --> 00:05:35,740
Uh, have you ever gone

153
00:05:35,741 --> 00:05:37,732
to a puppy parade
halfway through, Britta?

154
00:05:38,140 --> 00:05:39,291
It is pointless.

155
00:05:39,292 --> 00:05:40,845
Then you clearly stole the pen.

156
00:05:40,846 --> 00:05:42,737
The Patriot Act cuts both ways.

157
00:05:42,738 --> 00:05:44,430
Actually, it's pretty one-sided.

158
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:45,450
That's kind of the point.

159
00:05:45,451 --> 00:05:46,355
Here's my point.

160
00:05:46,356 --> 00:05:48,182
Whoever's the pen thief
is just stood there

161
00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:49,825
and watched me get Guantanamoed.

162
00:05:49,826 --> 00:05:51,026
And I'd like to know who it is,

163
00:05:51,027 --> 00:05:54,023
so I can let them know that
they have lost my trust forever.

164
00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:54,941
It's a bottle episode.

165
00:05:54,942 --> 00:05:56,724
Britta, we're sorry we embarrassed you

166
00:05:56,725 --> 00:05:57,991
and looked at your
prophylactic equipment.

167
00:05:57,992 --> 00:06:00,490
Your lifestyle mistakes
are none of our business.

168
00:06:00,491 --> 00:06:01,789
Oh, thanks, Shirley.

169
00:06:01,790 --> 00:06:03,997
But now let's rustle through
your tampons and wallet

170
00:06:03,998 --> 00:06:05,454
so we can apologize to you.

171
00:06:05,455 --> 00:06:08,037
Oh, I'm sure everybody here
knows that I don't steal.

172
00:06:08,038 --> 00:06:09,318
Have you checked your bag, Shirley?

173
00:06:09,319 --> 00:06:10,849
If you took it by
mistake, I forgive you.

174
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:12,735
Oh, so if I took it, it's larceny,

175
00:06:12,736 --> 00:06:15,135
but if you find it under
mother hen, it's a mistake.

176
00:06:15,136 --> 00:06:16,844
Mother hen? I think we're
about the same age.

177
00:06:16,845 --> 00:06:18,694
Sure, unless time is linear.

178
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:19,759
I'll make your ass linear.

179
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:20,813
That doesn't make any sense.

180
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:21,864
I'll make ya ass sense.

181
00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:23,529
Girls, don't get your panties puckered.

182
00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:24,770
We all know what we're really thinking.

183
00:06:24,771 --> 00:06:27,796
If... and I mean if...
the culprit is among us,

184
00:06:27,797 --> 00:06:30,126
statistically speaking, it's Troy.

185
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,930
Yes, we were all just
thinking that in 1856.

186
00:06:34,931 --> 00:06:36,436
1856.

187
00:06:37,347 --> 00:06:38,751
What if a ghost took the pen?

188
00:06:38,752 --> 00:06:40,296
- Please forgive him.
- For what?

189
00:06:40,297 --> 00:06:41,718
For stealing the pen, dummy.

190
00:06:41,719 --> 00:06:42,840
Why would I take her pen?

191
00:06:42,841 --> 00:06:44,444
I don't even like having my own.

192
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,556
It's probably under
one of Pierce's casts.

193
00:06:46,557 --> 00:06:48,532
He uses everything to itch his legs.

194
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,157
We're on our third DVD remote.

195
00:06:50,158 --> 00:06:51,703
If I took the pen, I'd say so.

196
00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:52,884
You probably forgot.

197
00:06:52,885 --> 00:06:54,683
You've been popping
painkillers like tic-tacs.

198
00:06:54,684 --> 00:06:56,138
Oh, yeah, right.

199
00:06:56,913 --> 00:07:00,416
"Side effects: Verbal dysphasia"

200
00:07:00,991 --> 00:07:02,556
"and octopus loss."

201
00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:05,290
I don't see anything on this
squirrel about memory, Troy.

202
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:06,898
Now I want to know who has it.

203
00:07:06,899 --> 00:07:08,075
Yeah, nice try Shirley,

204
00:07:08,076 --> 00:07:09,486
that doesn't take you off the list.

205
00:07:09,487 --> 00:07:11,236
Jeff, you're in charge.

206
00:07:11,237 --> 00:07:12,593
I demand you deal with this

207
00:07:12,594 --> 00:07:13,871
There's nothing to deal with.

208
00:07:13,872 --> 00:07:14,672
I'll say.

209
00:07:14,673 --> 00:07:16,401
Ok, alright, alright.

210
00:07:16,651 --> 00:07:18,599
Everyone breathe.

211
00:07:21,345 --> 00:07:22,834
- You know what this is?
- Yep.

212
00:07:22,835 --> 00:07:24,917
Shut up. This is a normal day

213
00:07:24,918 --> 00:07:27,340
with a bunch of friends
who are done studying

214
00:07:27,341 --> 00:07:29,025
and a pen that maybe rolled away.

215
00:07:29,026 --> 00:07:31,362
- "Rolled away"?
- Or fell down someone's shoe.

216
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,823
- Let's check shoes.
- Annie!

217
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,383
Fine, fine.

218
00:07:37,054 --> 00:07:41,206
Someone in this room is hiding your pen.

219
00:07:41,207 --> 00:07:42,238
Want to know why?

220
00:07:42,239 --> 00:07:43,874
They feel terrible.

221
00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:45,309
They made a mistake.

222
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:47,039
They waited too long come forward,

223
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,206
and now they feel bad.

224
00:07:48,207 --> 00:07:49,438
- They should.
- Mm-hmm!

225
00:07:49,439 --> 00:07:52,210
Okay. Okay, so, pen thief,

226
00:07:52,211 --> 00:07:53,760
we understand what happened,

227
00:07:53,761 --> 00:07:54,938
and we forgive you.

228
00:07:54,939 --> 00:07:56,687
- If you confess and apologize!
- Yes.

229
00:07:56,855 --> 00:07:58,295
Right. But here's the trick.

230
00:07:58,296 --> 00:08:00,838
Because this person now has no reason

231
00:08:00,839 --> 00:08:02,415
not to come forward,

232
00:08:02,416 --> 00:08:04,725
if, by some chance,
I get to the count of three,

233
00:08:04,726 --> 00:08:07,844
and nobody comes forward, guess what.

234
00:08:07,845 --> 00:08:12,013
We have to accept that no
one has the pen, don't we?

235
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:13,815
Don't we?

236
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:17,588
Good so here we go.

237
00:08:18,194 --> 00:08:19,268
One.

238
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,585
Two.

239
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,605
Pierce, you have something to tell us?

240
00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:29,190
Yes. Is it me,

241
00:08:29,191 --> 00:08:31,334
or has it become really obvious
that Jeff took the pen.

242
00:08:31,335 --> 00:08:32,815
- Yes!
- Definitely.

243
00:08:33,088 --> 00:08:35,184
You want to make a bet, you jerks?

244
00:08:35,185 --> 00:08:37,668
Lockdown! Abed, seal the doors.

245
00:08:37,872 --> 00:08:40,887
Nobody leaves until this pen shows up.

246
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:41,713
I don't like this.

247
00:08:41,714 --> 00:08:44,096
Yeah? Tell it to the pen
you might have.

248
00:08:44,164 --> 00:08:46,038
Gwynnifer? Hi. Yeah, it's me.

249
00:08:46,039 --> 00:08:47,394
I can't make it.

250
00:08:47,491 --> 00:08:49,797
Well, tell your disappointment
to suck it.

251
00:08:49,798 --> 00:08:51,899
I'm doing a bottle episode!

252
00:09:11,073 --> 00:09:12,095
Okay.

253
00:09:12,691 --> 00:09:13,943
You just became my hero.

254
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:14,894
Thank you.

255
00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:16,143
No pen.

256
00:09:16,546 --> 00:09:17,501
I can see that.

257
00:09:17,502 --> 00:09:19,014
Why do you keep taking
that tone with me?

258
00:09:19,015 --> 00:09:19,964
Oh, I'll field that

259
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,449
because if nobody else has this pen,

260
00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:23,498
it means at so point,
you realized you had it

261
00:09:23,499 --> 00:09:26,215
and were too embarrassed to say,
and we get to kill you.

262
00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:29,594
I'm not hiding my own pen,
you paranoid weirdo.

263
00:09:29,595 --> 00:09:31,066
Everybody stay within each
other's eyelines, please.

264
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:32,015
One of you's a monster.

265
00:09:32,016 --> 00:09:33,978
- Me next, right?
- Hold on.

266
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,061
Can we please consider

267
00:09:35,062 --> 00:09:36,519
the threshold that we are crossing?

268
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,614
We don't trust Abed?

269
00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:40,472
He shredded my backpack.

270
00:09:40,473 --> 00:09:41,517
He freed my pet monkey.

271
00:09:41,518 --> 00:09:42,932
Because we corrupted him.

272
00:09:42,933 --> 00:09:44,192
He's our innocent.

273
00:09:44,193 --> 00:09:45,283
He put gum in your hair.

274
00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:46,289
Empty the bag, Abed.

275
00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:47,100
Uh, Pierce,

276
00:09:47,101 --> 00:09:49,188
- you don't have a bag?
- Giraffe.

277
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,977
Uh, Jeff, you don't have a bag?

278
00:09:51,201 --> 00:09:52,666
Oh, I could never deprive the world

279
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,791
of the portion of my chest
the strap would cover.

280
00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:56,150
Makes sense. So what's left?

281
00:09:56,151 --> 00:09:58,071
Shirley, a little hugging and crying,
and then we're done?

282
00:09:58,072 --> 00:10:01,160
Wait, Abed, why is my name in here?

283
00:10:01,161 --> 00:10:01,882
That's mine.

284
00:10:01,883 --> 00:10:04,538
And Shirley's and Annie's?

285
00:10:04,539 --> 00:10:05,251
What is it?

286
00:10:05,252 --> 00:10:05,922
Charts.

287
00:10:05,923 --> 00:10:07,649
Some kind of calendar?

288
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,079
That's my personal private business.

289
00:10:09,555 --> 00:10:13,722
Annie, 4 on, 28 off,
next, November 10th.

290
00:10:13,723 --> 00:10:16,544
Britta, 5 on, 27 off...

291
00:10:16,576 --> 00:10:20,501
Oh my God. Are you charting
our menstrual cycles?

292
00:10:20,502 --> 00:10:21,602
What?!

293
00:10:21,603 --> 00:10:22,590
Gross!

294
00:10:22,591 --> 00:10:24,296
Abed, this is so personal!

295
00:10:24,297 --> 00:10:25,384
And so accurate.

296
00:10:25,385 --> 00:10:26,527
Abed, this is really creepy.

297
00:10:26,528 --> 00:10:28,059
I don't understand
why you would do this.

298
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,120
I can explain.

299
00:10:29,983 --> 00:10:31,557
Oh. I thought you'd keep
yelling over me.

300
00:10:31,558 --> 00:10:32,698
Okay, I can explain.

301
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:33,887
You know I have trouble reading people,

302
00:10:33,888 --> 00:10:35,090
and say the wrong things, sometimes,

303
00:10:35,091 --> 00:10:36,671
and I noticed it was happening
more often with you three

304
00:10:36,672 --> 00:10:38,042
than it was with the others.

305
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:39,614
And then I noticed fluctuating patterns,

306
00:10:39,615 --> 00:10:40,679
and I started graphing them,

307
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,964
and by the time I realized
what I was actually measuring,

308
00:10:42,965 --> 00:10:45,895
it had started to yield really
positive results for everybody,

309
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:46,953
so I kept doing it.

310
00:10:46,954 --> 00:10:48,532
Were you ever gonna tell us about this?

311
00:10:48,533 --> 00:10:51,021
I... I feel so violated.

312
00:10:53,365 --> 00:10:54,441
More chocolate?

313
00:10:55,945 --> 00:10:57,955
Oh! Get away from me!

314
00:10:57,956 --> 00:10:59,551
Abed just became my hero.

315
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:01,958
- Can I have a little...
- No!

316
00:11:01,959 --> 00:11:02,888
Sheesh.

317
00:11:02,889 --> 00:11:04,767
Guess it's true what they say
about the sync-up.

318
00:11:05,442 --> 00:11:06,590
Okay, if I could just take this time

319
00:11:06,591 --> 00:11:07,699
to share a few words of sarcasm

320
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,266
with whoever it is that took this pen.

321
00:11:09,267 --> 00:11:11,258
I want to say thank you
for doing this to me

322
00:11:11,729 --> 00:11:12,766
for a while I thought
I'd have to suffer

323
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:13,662
through a puppy parade,

324
00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:15,174
but I much prefer being entombed alive

325
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,116
in a mausoleum of feelings

326
00:11:16,117 --> 00:11:18,206
I can neither understand
nor reciprocate.

327
00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:20,470
So whoever you are,
can I get you anything?

328
00:11:20,623 --> 00:11:21,927
Ice cream? Best friend medal?

329
00:11:21,928 --> 00:11:23,329
Anything? Mm-mmm?

330
00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:25,884
Okay, sarcasm over.

331
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:26,804
You're last up, Shirley.

332
00:11:26,805 --> 00:11:28,437
Dump your comedically
huge bag and end this.

333
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,367
Uh, no, thank you.

334
00:11:33,145 --> 00:11:36,120
Well, well, well, Harvey Keitel.

335
00:11:36,121 --> 00:11:39,058
Well, what do you know,
Henry David Thoreau.

336
00:11:39,059 --> 00:11:42,611
My oh my, Mike Tyson

337
00:11:43,507 --> 00:11:44,390
just empty the bag.

338
00:11:44,391 --> 00:11:46,160
No! I don't have Annie's pen.

339
00:11:46,161 --> 00:11:48,418
I'm simply a Christian woman
that doesn't open her bag.

340
00:11:48,419 --> 00:11:50,365
What did the Christian woman
think would happen

341
00:11:50,366 --> 00:11:51,760
when we got to her bag?

342
00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:53,398
The Christian woman thought
you'd find it on the Muslim.

343
00:11:53,399 --> 00:11:54,300
Real nice!

344
00:11:54,301 --> 00:11:55,783
Nicer than you, condom carrier!

345
00:11:55,784 --> 00:11:58,131
- Dump the bag or you're guilty!
- No!

346
00:11:58,658 --> 00:12:00,431
Oh, Lord, he's thrown a clot!

347
00:12:00,432 --> 00:12:01,465
Pierce! Call 911!

348
00:12:03,248 --> 00:12:05,112
No! No! No!

349
00:12:05,113 --> 00:12:06,768
Pierce, you didn't need to do that.

350
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:07,699
Yes, I did.

351
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,100
All you guys do is talk,

352
00:12:09,101 --> 00:12:10,871
leaving me to do the
things you won't do.

353
00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:12,055
People like you are the reason

354
00:12:12,056 --> 00:12:14,325
we took so long to get into Vietnam.

355
00:12:16,305 --> 00:12:18,292
Is this what you were
trying to hide, Shirley?

356
00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:20,435
A pregnancy test?

357
00:12:20,436 --> 00:12:21,682
And more importantly,

358
00:12:21,683 --> 00:12:24,538
are they seriously marketing
pregnancy tests to black women

359
00:12:24,539 --> 00:12:26,424
guys! This is a terribly childish way

360
00:12:26,425 --> 00:12:28,415
to handle this kind of situation.

361
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,122
Does this mean you have a new boyfriend?

362
00:12:31,123 --> 00:12:32,328
Who, who, who?

363
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,861
Not that it's, uh, anyone's business...

364
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:39,200
I recently reconnected with
my husband over Labor Day,

365
00:12:39,201 --> 00:12:40,925
and it seems the Lord
may have a plan for us

366
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,373
that doesn't include that
stripper slut he ran away with.

367
00:12:43,374 --> 00:12:44,859
You're not pregnant, Shirley.
It's impossible.

368
00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:46,248
Why does everybody think I'm old?

369
00:12:46,249 --> 00:12:48,080
I'm around Jeff's age!
I have a uterus!

370
00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:49,236
No, no. According to my charts,

371
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:50,355
you couldn't have
conceived Labor Day weekend

372
00:12:50,356 --> 00:12:53,053
you would have been
ovulating on Halloween.

373
00:12:53,532 --> 00:12:55,032
Which is just as well,
because if you're gonna have

374
00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:55,830
a pregnant woman in one of these,

375
00:12:55,831 --> 00:12:57,589
I say go elevator labor or go home.

376
00:12:57,590 --> 00:12:58,677
Halloween?

377
00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:00,738
Well, that's that, then.

378
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:01,731
Yeah, what a relief.

379
00:13:01,732 --> 00:13:03,034
Looks like someone narrowly avoided

380
00:13:03,035 --> 00:13:04,571
a "lifestyle mistake" of their own.

381
00:13:04,572 --> 00:13:07,897
Oh! Or is it only bad if
you sleep with unmarried men?

382
00:13:07,898 --> 00:13:09,787
The Bible doesn't
recognize divorce, Britta!

383
00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:11,327
When you marry a man, he's your man!

384
00:13:11,328 --> 00:13:12,673
Yeah, and after he marries someone else,

385
00:13:12,674 --> 00:13:14,937
if you jump into the sack
with him, you're an angel,

386
00:13:14,938 --> 00:13:17,339
so long as you don't use protection?

387
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:19,734
I'm so glad you're enjoying this.

388
00:13:19,735 --> 00:13:22,397
And I hope whoever stole
that pen enjoys it in hell!

389
00:13:23,815 --> 00:13:26,232
- Nice try, Stephen Fry.
- "Stephen Fry."

390
00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:27,579
We all have an agreement.

391
00:13:27,580 --> 00:13:29,496
Nobody leaves till we find it.

392
00:13:31,306 --> 00:13:32,931
- Oh
- Get off. Here we go.

393
00:13:32,932 --> 00:13:34,881
We are gonna find this pen!

394
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:38,196
We are gonna find that pen!

395
00:13:38,197 --> 00:13:40,423
- Oh!
- And if we can't find it,

396
00:13:40,424 --> 00:13:42,549
our children will find it!

397
00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:44,304
Is it over here in these books?

398
00:13:44,305 --> 00:13:47,932
This pen? This incredible, magical pen

399
00:13:47,933 --> 00:13:50,506
that nobody knows how
it could disappear?

400
00:13:50,611 --> 00:13:52,434
Oh, maybe it's right in here!

401
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:54,513
Guys, this is school property!

402
00:13:54,514 --> 00:13:56,455
Can we just forget it?

403
00:13:56,797 --> 00:13:58,110
It's a pen!

404
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:09,605
It's a pen now?

405
00:14:11,274 --> 00:14:12,257
Really?

406
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,332
It's not a principle anymore

407
00:14:15,431 --> 00:14:16,986
now it's a pen?

408
00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:21,137
Why the change of heart?

409
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,059
You're not seriously accusing me.

410
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,653
We searched my bag!

411
00:14:25,654 --> 00:14:28,063
Which is exactly the
last place you'd put it

412
00:14:28,064 --> 00:14:30,423
if you found it halfway
through all this.

413
00:14:30,424 --> 00:14:33,383
In fact, assuming that one
of us does have the pen,

414
00:14:33,384 --> 00:14:35,775
who among us has the most incentive

415
00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:37,962
to make sure it never
sees the light of day?

416
00:14:37,963 --> 00:14:39,185
- You want to go there?
- Yeah.

417
00:14:39,186 --> 00:14:40,370
- I'll go there.
- Okay.

418
00:14:40,371 --> 00:14:41,649
- I was born there.
- Really?

419
00:14:41,650 --> 00:14:44,189
There's a placard the commemorating me!

420
00:14:44,829 --> 00:14:46,736
What's going on, and how can I help?

421
00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:48,318
Anie, relax.

422
00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:49,463
No, you relax, Jeff.

423
00:14:49,464 --> 00:14:52,403
Or are you scared that if
you do, my pen will fall out?

424
00:14:52,897 --> 00:14:54,709
You precocious little bitch!

425
00:14:55,007 --> 00:14:56,042
Okay, guys, guys! Hey!

426
00:14:56,043 --> 00:14:57,067
Guys, stop!

427
00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:58,579
You're being complely illogical!

428
00:14:58,995 --> 00:15:00,645
We need to flip up the table,
divide the group by gender,

429
00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:02,165
and then search each
other in our underwear.

430
00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:03,187
What?

431
00:15:04,626 --> 00:15:05,644
Now what?

432
00:15:05,645 --> 00:15:08,228
Everybody shake. Enough to dislodge.

433
00:15:11,775 --> 00:15:13,095
Okay, anything hit the floor?

434
00:15:13,235 --> 00:15:14,374
No.

435
00:15:14,712 --> 00:15:15,940
What are those underwear made out of?

436
00:15:15,941 --> 00:15:17,099
They look luxurious.

437
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,954
Oh. They're an organic
soy-cotton blend.

438
00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:20,940
This Gwynnifer must be real special.

439
00:15:20,941 --> 00:15:21,973
Don't you usually wear

440
00:15:21,974 --> 00:15:24,089
the stripey turquoise
beetlejuice numbers?

441
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,169
What does she mean "usually"?

442
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:28,166
All right, end of the road.

443
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:29,370
We've torn apart the room,

444
00:15:29,371 --> 00:15:30,708
we've stripped.

445
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:34,621
There is absolutely no place left...

446
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:37,329
No.

447
00:15:38,607 --> 00:15:39,561
No!

448
00:15:44,619 --> 00:15:45,331
No.

449
00:15:45,332 --> 00:15:47,746
Noooooo! No!

450
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:52,093
Damn it. Broke my scissors.

451
00:15:52,538 --> 00:15:55,016
Here. Be careful.

452
00:15:55,017 --> 00:15:56,687
This is the last pair we have.

453
00:15:57,472 --> 00:15:59,091
Also, don't cut his legs.

454
00:16:00,881 --> 00:16:02,372
I'm worried we've gone too far.

455
00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:04,223
This is how super villains are created.

456
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:06,360
Can't you just make an inspiring
Winger speech about trust,

457
00:16:06,361 --> 00:16:08,172
throw in a few digs at
an easy celebrity target,

458
00:16:08,173 --> 00:16:09,511
and put a ribbon on this thing?

459
00:16:09,744 --> 00:16:12,530
Abed, think about this for one second

460
00:16:12,531 --> 00:16:14,305
if a single one of us leaves this room

461
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,775
before we find that pen,

462
00:16:15,797 --> 00:16:19,441
how can any of us trust anyone
in this group ever again?

463
00:16:21,595 --> 00:16:22,744
What's your hurry?

464
00:16:22,745 --> 00:16:24,159
I'm clothing myself.

465
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,157
I'm not comfortable standing
around in my all-together

466
00:16:26,158 --> 00:16:27,668
like you two anorex jeze...

467
00:16:27,669 --> 00:16:29,816
Oh! I'm so sorry.

468
00:16:29,859 --> 00:16:31,184
That was really mean.

469
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,865
I don't know where that came from.

470
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,493
We've all been through a lot today.

471
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,105
And I'm sure this pregnancy scare

472
00:16:37,106 --> 00:16:39,439
been weighing on you all week, right?

473
00:16:39,956 --> 00:16:42,737
And maybe that's why you took my pen?

474
00:16:42,738 --> 00:16:43,461
What?!

475
00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:44,776
Where are you hiding it, judgy beans?

476
00:16:45,815 --> 00:16:48,221
All right, here we go.

477
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,980
It smells like a Waffle House sink!

478
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:58,370
Pierce, are you using Slim Jims
to scratch your legs?

479
00:16:58,371 --> 00:17:02,021
Have we not gotten to a
place free of judgment yet?

480
00:17:02,485 --> 00:17:03,868
This isn't it, this isn't it.

481
00:17:03,869 --> 00:17:04,931
Where is it? Where's the pen?

482
00:17:04,932 --> 00:17:06,103
Where's the pen?!

483
00:17:06,704 --> 00:17:08,011
Where's the pen?

484
00:17:09,771 --> 00:17:10,325
Great.

485
00:17:10,326 --> 00:17:11,812
It's getting a little chilly outside,

486
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,373
so the animal wranglers
have asked that every student

487
00:17:14,374 --> 00:17:15,794
pick up a puppy and hold it,

488
00:17:15,795 --> 00:17:17,890
so they stay warm while the volunteers

489
00:17:17,891 --> 00:17:20,026
hand out tiny, puppy-sized hats.

490
00:17:20,103 --> 00:17:23,362
Honestly, I don't know why I'm even
making these announcements.

491
00:17:23,363 --> 00:17:26,831
There can't be anyone who
isn't already on the quad!

492
00:17:36,182 --> 00:17:37,392
Annie, I'd just like to say,

493
00:17:37,393 --> 00:17:40,011
on behalf of whoever
actually stole this pen,

494
00:17:40,012 --> 00:17:42,307
I real am sorry about all this.

495
00:17:42,308 --> 00:17:43,520
I knew it was you.

496
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:44,503
I knew it was you.

497
00:17:44,504 --> 00:17:46,356
All I know is it could be any of you.

498
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,787
And for all we know, it's you.

499
00:17:48,788 --> 00:17:51,029
I wish it were. I really do.

500
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:53,310
I wish I could just
find it behind my ear.

501
00:17:53,311 --> 00:17:55,262
I'd rather be that stupid
than think that anyone of us

502
00:17:55,263 --> 00:17:57,185
might be this inconsiderate.

503
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,317
After all we've been through,
it almost seems impossible.

504
00:18:02,404 --> 00:18:06,085
It seems less than impossible.

505
00:18:06,903 --> 00:18:08,761
Something impossible

506
00:18:09,228 --> 00:18:11,014
actual seems more likely.

507
00:18:11,639 --> 00:18:12,732
Here we go.

508
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,290
Winger speech to take us home.

509
00:18:14,711 --> 00:18:16,088
What if a ghost took the pen?

510
00:18:16,089 --> 00:18:17,838
- Let him finish
- I am finished.

511
00:18:17,908 --> 00:18:20,571
For real, honestly, seriously, why not?

512
00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:22,810
Why not just "a ghost took the pen"?

513
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:25,429
Okay, I've been saying that for hours.

514
00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:27,676
And we should've listening
to Troy from the beginning.

515
00:18:27,681 --> 00:18:29,392
Guys, look in your hearts

516
00:18:29,393 --> 00:18:31,365
and answer this question honestly:

517
00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:32,875
What's more likely?

518
00:18:32,997 --> 00:18:35,818
That someone in this group
doesn't belong in this group?

519
00:18:35,819 --> 00:18:37,473
Or ghosts?

520
00:18:37,474 --> 00:18:39,664
If we have to choose between
turning on each other

521
00:18:39,665 --> 00:18:41,659
or pinning it on some specter

522
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,765
with unfinished, pen-related business,

523
00:18:43,766 --> 00:18:46,577
I'm sorry, but my money's on ghost.

524
00:18:47,871 --> 00:18:50,126
Well, I'm not a religious person,

525
00:18:50,127 --> 00:18:52,256
but I've seen specials
on the paranormal.

526
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:53,513
Anything's possible.

527
00:18:53,514 --> 00:18:55,343
Relative to the alternative,

528
00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:58,381
it actually seems more logical to me.

529
00:18:58,382 --> 00:19:00,861
Why would a ghost want a pen?

530
00:19:05,016 --> 00:19:05,982
Troy?

531
00:19:07,703 --> 00:19:08,661
Okay.

532
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:12,010
So I see it as a lot like
the movie paranormal activity,

533
00:19:12,143 --> 00:19:15,148
except for more boring and fancy.

534
00:19:15,216 --> 00:19:17,728
And I think in 1856,

535
00:19:17,729 --> 00:19:19,923
it is possible that a man was beheaded

536
00:19:19,924 --> 00:19:21,414
while he was writing in his diary

537
00:19:21,415 --> 00:19:23,448
to his long lost love,

538
00:19:23,543 --> 00:19:25,552
and now he roams the halls of Greendale

539
00:19:25,553 --> 00:19:27,969
screaming for his pen so he
can write her a love letter.

540
00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:30,643
"I need her! I need her!" he screams,

541
00:19:30,644 --> 00:19:32,356
as he looked for a pen.

542
00:19:42,332 --> 00:19:44,777
What the hell did you
people do in there?

543
00:19:46,456 --> 00:19:48,420
Something you and your puppies
could only dream of

544
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,156
you non-miraculous son of a bitch.

545
00:19:52,387 --> 00:19:53,794
Non-miraculous?

546
00:19:54,257 --> 00:19:56,293
Wait! Abed!

547
00:19:56,493 --> 00:19:57,693
Sync by YYeTs.net - Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com