1
00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:12,856
Agnes, cancel my appointments.

2
00:00:12,857 --> 00:00:14,239
What appointments?

3
00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:16,772
Wishful thinking.

4
00:00:17,137 --> 00:00:19,331
It's called alternative energy,

5
00:00:19,332 --> 00:00:21,606
the key to a brighter tomorrow.

6
00:00:28,812 --> 00:00:30,932
Notice all the animals
wearing sunglasses.

7
00:00:30,933 --> 00:00:32,257
Because it's a brighter tomorrow.

8
00:00:32,962 --> 00:00:33,973
Yeah.

9
00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:37,094
My boys are in elementary school.

10
00:00:37,095 --> 00:00:39,127
They don't make nearly
as many dioramas as we do.

11
00:00:39,128 --> 00:00:41,359
The whole environmental club
is making them for green week.

12
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:42,932
And this afternoon in the cafeteria,

13
00:00:42,933 --> 00:00:44,961
we're having a bio-diorama-rama.

14
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:48,053
I heard one kid made a diorama
about a world without dioramas.

15
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:52,111
It's still cool if I sleep
at your place tonight, right?

16
00:00:52,112 --> 00:00:54,458
Totally. Hey, since we're
both done with classes,

17
00:00:54,459 --> 00:00:56,380
- we can start the sleepover now.
- Let's get in our pajamas

18
00:00:56,381 --> 00:00:57,996
- and build a blanket fort.
- Let's do it.

19
00:00:58,062 --> 00:01:00,373
A blanket fort. Wow!

20
00:01:00,374 --> 00:01:02,022
You can come hang out in it
with us later if you want.

21
00:01:02,023 --> 00:01:03,860
Uh, thanks, but I think
I'll find something

22
00:01:03,861 --> 00:01:06,658
- more grown-up to do.
- Hmm. Okay.

23
00:01:06,659 --> 00:01:08,987
Enjoy eating fiber and
watching The Mentalist.

24
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:10,536
Britta, that wasn't nice.

25
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,574
I'm sorry, Shirley,
but who wants to hang out

26
00:01:12,575 --> 00:01:15,889
in a blanket fort with
grown men in tiny underoos?

27
00:01:15,890 --> 00:01:18,235
Hello! So... Jeffrey,

28
00:01:18,236 --> 00:01:20,916
I was just looking over
your class schedule.

29
00:01:20,952 --> 00:01:22,237
- Why?
- Uh...

30
00:01:22,238 --> 00:01:24,085
Maybe it was a random spot-check.

31
00:01:24,086 --> 00:01:26,205
Maybe it was a specific spot-check.

32
00:01:26,206 --> 00:01:28,622
Maybe I'm making a scrapbook.

33
00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:30,021
The point is

34
00:01:30,022 --> 00:01:33,192
you will not be receiving credit
for your independent study:

35
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:36,119
Conspiracy theories in US history.

36
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,167
What? Why not?

37
00:01:37,168 --> 00:01:39,169
Because the class doesn't exist.

38
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:43,030
And neither does the teacher...
Professor Professorson?

39
00:01:43,031 --> 00:01:44,178
What? That's his name!

40
00:01:44,179 --> 00:01:45,378
- Oh...
- It's Dutch.

41
00:01:45,379 --> 00:01:49,015
I think it means professor.
- I think it means poppycock.

42
00:01:49,016 --> 00:01:51,474
The ultimate Jeff Winger
blow-off class...

43
00:01:51,475 --> 00:01:53,314
The one that doesn't exist.

44
00:01:53,315 --> 00:01:56,790
Now I have to audit an
entire system for shenanigans,

45
00:01:56,791 --> 00:01:59,151
which means... bye-bye weekends.

46
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,868
Bye-bye writing at Starbucks

47
00:02:00,869 --> 00:02:03,842
till a certain persian barista
asks me about my novel.

48
00:02:03,843 --> 00:02:04,802
God, Jeff!

49
00:02:04,803 --> 00:02:06,621
It's one thing to blow off
regular classes,

50
00:02:06,622 --> 00:02:09,683
but this devalues all the credits
I work very hard for.

51
00:02:09,684 --> 00:02:10,896
- Mm-hmm.
- Can I defend myself

52
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,347
and say this is nuts?

53
00:02:12,446 --> 00:02:13,833
I've been meeting with this professor

54
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,891
in his office every Wednesday
all semester.

55
00:02:16,892 --> 00:02:18,858
Professor Professorson.

56
00:02:18,859 --> 00:02:20,330
- Yes!
- Really?

57
00:02:20,331 --> 00:02:21,654
You're gonna commit to this?

58
00:02:21,655 --> 00:02:23,059
Commit to what... Reality?

59
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,159
Okay, then, please... lead me

60
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,589
- to Professor Professorson.
- Gladly.

61
00:02:27,590 --> 00:02:29,768
- This I gotta see.
- I have always dreamt

62
00:02:29,769 --> 00:02:31,227
of playing charades
with you, Jeffrey...

63
00:02:31,228 --> 00:02:33,832
Just not like this, not on dry land.

64
00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:39,870
Corrected by 4be1
www.addic7ed.com

65
00:03:05,334 --> 00:03:07,062
Oh, man!

66
00:03:18,014 --> 00:03:19,118
You thinking what I'm thinking?

67
00:03:20,171 --> 00:03:21,569
We're too big for this, aren't we?

68
00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:22,361
Yeah.

69
00:03:23,529 --> 00:03:25,197
But if we went two pillows
higher in the corner,

70
00:03:25,198 --> 00:03:26,533
we could vault the ceiling...

71
00:03:26,730 --> 00:03:28,152
Bump up the square footage.

72
00:03:28,397 --> 00:03:30,867
Make this a blanket fort for men.

73
00:03:31,651 --> 00:03:33,589
<i>Babu-gabku boo-gee....</i>

74
00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:35,554
<i>babu-jabbu-babu-bee.</i>

75
00:03:37,499 --> 00:03:39,346
Well, here we are.

76
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,935
Professor Professorson's office.

77
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:46,575
Oh!

78
00:03:47,541 --> 00:03:48,720
Oh...

79
00:03:51,503 --> 00:03:52,446
I don't know what's goin' on.

80
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:53,704
You guys have to believe me.

81
00:03:53,705 --> 00:03:56,326
I have spent a whole year
studying conspiracy theories

82
00:03:56,327 --> 00:03:58,463
with Professor Professorson right here!

83
00:03:58,966 --> 00:04:00,896
Wait! Of course!

84
00:04:01,188 --> 00:04:02,905
Conspiracy theories.

85
00:04:03,022 --> 00:04:04,379
This is a test.

86
00:04:04,467 --> 00:04:06,963
He's teaching me about real conspiracies

87
00:04:06,964 --> 00:04:08,652
by erasing his existence!

88
00:04:08,722 --> 00:04:11,050
Oh, my God.
Do you know what this means?

89
00:04:11,978 --> 00:04:14,445
That's how stupid Jeff
thinks other people are.

90
00:04:14,446 --> 00:04:17,053
I always knew you were lazy,
but I didn't realize

91
00:04:17,054 --> 00:04:19,264
that you would stoop
to such pathetic lies!

92
00:04:19,970 --> 00:04:23,369
One man's lies are
another man's truth...

93
00:04:23,370 --> 00:04:24,923
Wouldn't you say, Jeff?

94
00:04:24,962 --> 00:04:27,096
I'm sorry. And who are you?

95
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,503
I'm Professor Professorson.

96
00:04:31,323 --> 00:04:33,049
Ha. Wow, you...you really
had me going there

97
00:04:33,050 --> 00:04:34,162
for a second, professor.

98
00:04:34,163 --> 00:04:35,439
I thought I was going insane.

99
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,680
Precisely.

100
00:04:36,879 --> 00:04:40,086
An actual conspiracy to
round out your education

101
00:04:40,087 --> 00:04:42,740
in conspiracies and theories thereof.

102
00:04:43,163 --> 00:04:46,547
Your real name...
is Professor Professorson?

103
00:04:46,548 --> 00:04:48,529
My family name is Professorberg,

104
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:51,062
but we changed it when we
were fleeing from the Nazis.

105
00:04:51,063 --> 00:04:52,022
Oh, I'm so sorry.

106
00:04:52,023 --> 00:04:53,383
You've probably never heard of me

107
00:04:53,384 --> 00:04:55,160
since I primarily teach night school.

108
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,052
My faculty ID.

109
00:04:58,441 --> 00:04:59,718
Oh, well, I...

110
00:04:59,784 --> 00:05:01,630
guess I never stuck around late enough

111
00:05:01,631 --> 00:05:03,936
to meet you night school professors.

112
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,025
TV's gotten crazy good, you know.

113
00:05:06,975 --> 00:05:08,350
I have to take this.

114
00:05:08,404 --> 00:05:10,065
Thank you for indulging me, dean.

115
00:05:10,195 --> 00:05:12,500
Jeff, read chapters 10
through 12 of Douglas

116
00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:13,887
and see you next week.

117
00:05:15,676 --> 00:05:16,793
That is...

118
00:05:17,394 --> 00:05:19,254
if I still exist.

119
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:21,881
See you, professor.

120
00:05:23,284 --> 00:05:24,968
Sorry to doubt you, Jeffrey.

121
00:05:25,161 --> 00:05:27,652
More importantly, out with this audit,

122
00:05:27,653 --> 00:05:30,538
back to chapter one of time desk...

123
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:33,410
The Chronicles of Dean Dangerous.

124
00:05:33,707 --> 00:05:35,324
That is gonna be the
worst book I'll ever read

125
00:05:35,325 --> 00:05:38,301
- cover to cover.
- I'm a terrible friend.

126
00:05:38,310 --> 00:05:41,002
I accused you of being a lying cheat.

127
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:43,684
- Can you ever forgive me?
- Sure.

128
00:05:43,685 --> 00:05:45,027
Here's the thing, though.

129
00:05:45,593 --> 00:05:47,824
I've never seen that guy in my life!

130
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:50,812
What? That wasn't
Professor Professorson?

131
00:05:50,813 --> 00:05:52,320
There is no Professor Professorson!

132
00:05:52,321 --> 00:05:54,523
I made him up! I forged a form

133
00:05:54,524 --> 00:05:57,197
with a phony teacher and
class for a free credit!

134
00:05:57,198 --> 00:05:58,069
I knew it!

135
00:05:58,070 --> 00:05:59,846
Oh, you lying cheat!

136
00:06:00,464 --> 00:06:02,036
Wait. Then...

137
00:06:03,481 --> 00:06:04,417
who was that?

138
00:06:04,418 --> 00:06:05,611
I don't know!

139
00:06:08,012 --> 00:06:09,900
- Wait, what?
- I don't know!

140
00:06:13,115 --> 00:06:14,023
What should we do?

141
00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:15,294
I think we should grab some lunch.

142
00:06:15,295 --> 00:06:16,614
- I'm serious.
- So am I.

143
00:06:16,615 --> 00:06:18,269
I just saw fat Neil
head to the cafeteria

144
00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:19,457
with that look in his eye.

145
00:06:19,458 --> 00:06:21,398
We got ten minutes to
grab the last lima bean.

146
00:06:21,399 --> 00:06:22,662
Jeff, you made up a professor,

147
00:06:22,663 --> 00:06:24,023
and he just appeared out of thin air.

148
00:06:24,024 --> 00:06:25,776
You're not the least bit
curious how that happened?

149
00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:27,455
My latest theory?
Maybe I'm a God.

150
00:06:27,456 --> 00:06:28,829
I've denied the signs for too long.

151
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:29,816
This is so typical.

152
00:06:29,817 --> 00:06:31,188
You're just gonna
blow off what happened.

153
00:06:31,189 --> 00:06:32,616
Yes, especially when not blowing it off

154
00:06:32,617 --> 00:06:34,499
might cost me my free credit.

155
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:35,627
Now, do me a favor.

156
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:37,788
Be very un-Annie and blow it off too.

157
00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:39,601
Oh, sure. I'll just blow it off.

158
00:06:39,602 --> 00:06:41,436
I'll just blow everything off.

159
00:06:41,437 --> 00:06:43,498
Heck, I guess I'll just
blow off walkin'!

160
00:06:43,730 --> 00:06:45,900
- Okay.
- I'll just blow off standing.

161
00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:48,643
I'm just blowin' everything off!

162
00:06:48,644 --> 00:06:50,954
Maybe I'll blow off talking language.

163
00:06:50,955 --> 00:06:51,530
Okay.

164
00:06:51,531 --> 00:06:54,908
Blee blu blah blah blah
blee blu blu blah...

165
00:06:59,746 --> 00:07:01,458
Hey, bros, what's the ha...

166
00:07:02,742 --> 00:07:03,881
Ohh!

167
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,330
Sweet fort!

168
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:07,845
Can I come inside?

169
00:07:15,336 --> 00:07:16,503
You could, Pavel...

170
00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:19,543
or... maybe the inside
could come to you.

171
00:07:19,635 --> 00:07:20,568
How would you characterize

172
00:07:20,569 --> 00:07:22,335
the amount of blankets
and pillows you have?

173
00:07:22,928 --> 00:07:24,188
A butt load?

174
00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:26,745
I get wicked cold, bros,

175
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,532
and mad sleepy.

176
00:07:37,345 --> 00:07:39,140
If you're here to
help me take my diorama

177
00:07:39,141 --> 00:07:42,115
to the bio-diorama-rama,
I can do it myself.

178
00:07:42,118 --> 00:07:43,416
Yes. You made that clear

179
00:07:43,417 --> 00:07:46,012
in your 11th "I can do it myself" text.

180
00:07:46,013 --> 00:07:47,887
You even work too hard
at passive-aggression,

181
00:07:47,888 --> 00:07:48,904
you know that?

182
00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:52,677
Hey, so...

183
00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:55,428
do you know anything about
greendale's night school?

184
00:07:55,429 --> 00:07:57,022
Yeah. I'm assuming it's the worst thing

185
00:07:57,023 --> 00:07:58,626
you could ever hope to be in...

186
00:07:58,977 --> 00:08:00,251
Only at night.

187
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,835
Damn it, Annie.
Have you been playing detective?

188
00:08:03,854 --> 00:08:05,875
You are gonna Nancy
screw me out of my credit.

189
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,493
Relax. All I did was ask
the administration desk

190
00:08:08,494 --> 00:08:10,538
if I could borrow a faculty directory.

191
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,036
Take a look at this.

192
00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:16,616
Is that Professorson?

193
00:08:16,617 --> 00:08:18,618
His real name is Professor Woolley,

194
00:08:18,619 --> 00:08:20,917
and he actually does
teach night school here.

195
00:08:21,461 --> 00:08:22,933
Why would someone you've never met

196
00:08:22,934 --> 00:08:24,494
pretend to be your phony Professor?

197
00:08:24,495 --> 00:08:27,417
He was already carrying
falsified faculty credentials.

198
00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:28,639
Do you know what this means?

199
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,008
Yes. You are making me do work
for my fake conspiracy class!

200
00:08:32,009 --> 00:08:34,931
Exactly.
There's a conspiracy here.

201
00:08:35,194 --> 00:08:37,271
A dark, vast conspiracy

202
00:08:37,272 --> 00:08:38,967
that may just go all the way to the top.

203
00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:40,281
This is greendale, Annie.

204
00:08:40,282 --> 00:08:41,524
If there's a conspiracy,

205
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:43,859
it goes all the way to
slightly below the middle.

206
00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:44,912
Wait a minute.

207
00:08:45,431 --> 00:08:46,671
Something's wrong.

208
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:48,794
My car won't start.

209
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:49,936
Hold on one second.

210
00:08:51,012 --> 00:08:51,754
Hello.

211
00:08:51,755 --> 00:08:52,665
Tell your little friend

212
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,710
to stop snooping around night school,

213
00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:57,947
otherwise, things
might get... explosive.

214
00:09:02,190 --> 00:09:04,375
Annie!

215
00:09:17,488 --> 00:09:18,426
You okay?

216
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,422
Yeah.

217
00:09:20,512 --> 00:09:22,091
Probably didn't need to tackle you.

218
00:09:22,149 --> 00:09:23,358
Probably not.

219
00:09:24,678 --> 00:09:27,141
Looks like someone sent us a message...

220
00:09:27,506 --> 00:09:31,063
A tiny, thoroughly
underwhelming message.

221
00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:33,936
I hope you've already
laid out your outfit

222
00:09:33,937 --> 00:09:35,264
for tomorrow morning...

223
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,324
because we're going to night school.

224
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,659
I stole these from my son's house.

225
00:09:45,828 --> 00:09:47,643
When does a fort stop being a fort?

226
00:09:47,644 --> 00:09:50,122
Hey. As long as it's still
made out of blankets...

227
00:09:50,227 --> 00:09:51,286
Right?

228
00:09:53,174 --> 00:09:53,886
These'll be perfect

229
00:09:53,887 --> 00:09:55,457
for the Pierce's mom memorial tunnel.

230
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:02,884
How ' bout this one?

231
00:10:04,588 --> 00:10:06,538
No. That's Professor Huyck's class...

232
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,112
"History of... Something."

233
00:10:09,113 --> 00:10:10,177
You can't pronounce it?

234
00:10:10,178 --> 00:10:12,274
No. It literally says
history of something.

235
00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:13,480
Let me see that.

236
00:10:15,852 --> 00:10:17,694
"Principles of Intermediate?

237
00:10:17,695 --> 00:10:20,670
"Studyology"? "Class 101"?

238
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,565
Look, this one just says learning

239
00:10:22,566 --> 00:10:24,122
with an exclamation point.

240
00:10:28,283 --> 00:10:30,718
Hello, Professor Professorson.

241
00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:33,635
Or should I say... Woolley?

242
00:10:34,358 --> 00:10:36,411
What class are you
teaching tonight, professor?

243
00:10:36,525 --> 00:10:37,499
Math.

244
00:10:37,545 --> 00:10:39,077
- Math?
- Uh-huh.

245
00:10:39,335 --> 00:10:40,719
Do you mind if we sit in?

246
00:10:41,065 --> 00:10:42,950
Not at all. Right this way.

247
00:10:45,842 --> 00:10:48,841
So what kind of math
do you teach, professor?

248
00:10:48,842 --> 00:10:50,307
Well, you know, math.

249
00:10:50,308 --> 00:10:52,357
Uh... Numbers.

250
00:10:53,141 --> 00:10:54,275
Pi.

251
00:10:55,461 --> 00:10:57,258
New math. Uh...

252
00:11:00,819 --> 00:11:01,861
Get him!

253
00:11:09,315 --> 00:11:11,015
He went into that blanket fort!

254
00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:13,330
I think he went this way!

255
00:11:14,026 --> 00:11:15,087
- Do you see him?
- Oh, sorry.

256
00:11:15,088 --> 00:11:16,416
- No!
- Sorry.

257
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:19,320
- Troy! Abed!
- Hey, guys.

258
00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:20,434
Welcome to Fluffy town.

259
00:11:20,435 --> 00:11:21,983
No smoking, no farting,
no pillow fighting.

260
00:11:21,984 --> 00:11:24,198
- We're in a chase!
- That's allowed.

261
00:11:24,495 --> 00:11:25,635
There he is!

262
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,343
- Follow us.
- But afterwards,

263
00:11:29,344 --> 00:11:31,638
you should really check out
our civil rights museum.

264
00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:41,649
Leonard, back up!

265
00:11:41,650 --> 00:11:42,773
You shouldn't even be in here, Leonard.

266
00:11:42,774 --> 00:11:44,234
You already have three
farting strikes against you.

267
00:11:44,235 --> 00:11:45,496
W... He's getting away!

268
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:48,029
I know a shortcut.
Through the turkish district.

269
00:11:55,313 --> 00:11:56,321
Britta?

270
00:11:56,776 --> 00:11:57,985
Hey.

271
00:11:58,476 --> 00:11:59,428
Go!

272
00:12:04,318 --> 00:12:06,759
There he is!
What the hell's this?

273
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,505
Latvian independence parade.

274
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,844
Don't look at me.
They had the proper permits.

275
00:12:11,845 --> 00:12:13,878
Dang it! We lost him!

276
00:12:13,879 --> 00:12:16,448
Luckily, I sent the
diorama car to the chem lab

277
00:12:16,449 --> 00:12:17,733
to have the explosive analyzed.

278
00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:20,053
Isn't that him playing the trejdeksnis?

279
00:12:22,078 --> 00:12:23,256
Nice try, Woolley!

280
00:12:23,257 --> 00:12:24,980
Now, tell us everything.

281
00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:26,412
Tell you?

282
00:12:27,178 --> 00:12:28,342
Ha ha ha.

283
00:12:29,339 --> 00:12:31,076
I'll show you!

284
00:12:37,077 --> 00:12:38,650
What is this place?

285
00:12:40,597 --> 00:12:42,725
This, Annie, is night school.

286
00:12:43,044 --> 00:12:46,275
Every student, every teacher,
every class...

287
00:12:46,806 --> 00:12:47,969
Figments...

288
00:12:48,788 --> 00:12:50,076
Puffs of hot air...

289
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:51,668
from the lips of a ghost

290
00:12:51,669 --> 00:12:53,997
in the shadow of a unicorn's dream.

291
00:12:54,772 --> 00:12:57,092
I made it up.
Night school doesn't exist.

292
00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:59,540
I used to be a student here
at Greendale like you, Jeff,

293
00:12:59,541 --> 00:13:03,397
then one day I invented a
fake course to get a free credit.

294
00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:05,539
To keep up the lie,
I had to create a fake teacher

295
00:13:05,540 --> 00:13:07,465
who needed other fake classes

296
00:13:07,466 --> 00:13:09,639
that needed to be filled
with other fake students,

297
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,840
and so on and so on
and so on, "etchethra"!

298
00:13:12,939 --> 00:13:14,875
Did you just mispronounce et cetera?

299
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:16,657
My Latin class is fake, Jeff...

300
00:13:16,841 --> 00:13:18,534
Like all my classes, like my life.

301
00:13:18,535 --> 00:13:19,307
Aren't you listening?

302
00:13:19,308 --> 00:13:20,427
Yeah, I am.

303
00:13:20,694 --> 00:13:23,681
And a very familiar feeling
is starting to come over me.

304
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,257
I feel like someone is
trying to teach me something.

305
00:13:26,258 --> 00:13:27,059
Jeff, the only thing

306
00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:29,261
that's ever been learned
in this room is regret!

307
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,621
Would that this desk
were a time desk...

308
00:13:34,368 --> 00:13:37,436
so that I could correct
my past mistakes...

309
00:13:37,469 --> 00:13:39,025
Ride dinosaurs...

310
00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:41,162
Fight with Jack the Ripper.

311
00:13:41,163 --> 00:13:42,950
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

312
00:13:42,951 --> 00:13:46,436
Unicorns? Ghost lips?
Time desks?

313
00:13:46,624 --> 00:13:49,149
Doesn't any of this
overly stylized garbage

314
00:13:49,150 --> 00:13:50,557
remind you of anyone?

315
00:13:50,949 --> 00:13:52,499
Everything this guy says is ripped from

316
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,628
the Sure-To-Be-Unpublished Pages

317
00:13:54,629 --> 00:13:56,756
of Dean Dangerous.

318
00:13:57,263 --> 00:13:58,548
I don't know what you mean.

319
00:13:58,549 --> 00:13:59,813
Oh, I think you do.

320
00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:02,606
By the way, next time you
walk someone to your fake lair,

321
00:14:02,607 --> 00:14:04,939
don't pass the theater department...

322
00:14:05,358 --> 00:14:07,926
Drama Professor Sean Garrity.

323
00:14:10,063 --> 00:14:11,093
Whoa!

324
00:14:16,132 --> 00:14:17,963
Thank God.
That character was killing me.

325
00:14:17,964 --> 00:14:21,079
Word of advice... If you ever
scrape the dean's car,

326
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,267
don't tell him you're gonna
pay him back in acting.

327
00:14:23,268 --> 00:14:26,656
On Thanksgiving, I'm supposed
to crash his family dinner

328
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,732
and accuse him of
stealing my girlfriend.

329
00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:32,046
Wow. I guess this did go
all the way to the top.

330
00:14:32,674 --> 00:14:34,052
I'm calling the dean right now

331
00:14:34,053 --> 00:14:35,788
and giving him a piece of my mind!

332
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:37,578
No, wait.

333
00:14:37,983 --> 00:14:39,122
Garrity...

334
00:14:39,682 --> 00:14:41,826
Does the theater department
have any of those prop guns

335
00:14:41,827 --> 00:14:43,388
that fire blanks?

336
00:14:43,556 --> 00:14:45,970
Of course. We just did a
modern retelling of MacBeth

337
00:14:45,971 --> 00:14:47,599
set in gangland Chicago.

338
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,005
Oh. Fresh take.

339
00:14:49,442 --> 00:14:50,802
And you think I'm lazy.

340
00:14:51,085 --> 00:14:52,415
Prop guns?

341
00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:54,509
Jeff... What do you have in mind?

342
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:56,266
A little demonstration for the dean

343
00:14:56,267 --> 00:14:58,418
on the dangers of trying to educate me.

344
00:14:58,488 --> 00:15:00,266
He doesn't like fake classes?

345
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:03,026
Well, he's about to get
a real lesson on the fact

346
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,800
that Jeff Winger never learns.

347
00:15:09,637 --> 00:15:11,551
Here he comes. Get set.

348
00:15:14,963 --> 00:15:16,226
You wanted to see me?

349
00:15:16,571 --> 00:15:17,559
Oh.

350
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,880
Hi, Mr... Professorson.

351
00:15:19,881 --> 00:15:21,953
His real name is Woolley.

352
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:23,500
And he's defrauded your school

353
00:15:23,501 --> 00:15:25,949
to a tune of dozens of credits per year

354
00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:28,242
and nearly twice as many dollars.

355
00:15:28,384 --> 00:15:29,785
Well, that's serious.

356
00:15:30,542 --> 00:15:31,442
Fortunately for you,

357
00:15:31,443 --> 00:15:33,337
I'm a big believer in second chances.

358
00:15:33,419 --> 00:15:34,722
I'm not.

359
00:15:36,348 --> 00:15:37,403
Hey!

360
00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:38,508
Annie!

361
00:15:38,509 --> 00:15:40,720
Oh, my God, you... you shot him!

362
00:15:40,721 --> 00:15:43,524
Course I shot him!
He was being dishonest.

363
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,233
And if there's one thing
greendale's taught me, it's...

364
00:15:46,784 --> 00:15:48,932
- Whoa, what the hell?
- She had a gun!

365
00:15:48,933 --> 00:15:50,906
It was a fake gun! We staged this

366
00:15:50,907 --> 00:15:52,451
to get back at you for deceiving us!

367
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,043
But you're the deceiver, Jeffrey!

368
00:15:54,044 --> 00:15:56,217
Yeah? Well, now you're the dead guy.

369
00:15:59,387 --> 00:16:01,366
Jeff! What are you doing?

370
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:03,255
Why do you have a real gun?

371
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,632
Why did you shoot the dean?

372
00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:07,889
- Well, he shot you!
- Not really!

373
00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:10,187
He and I were in on this from the start.

374
00:16:10,188 --> 00:16:11,924
When he found out you
were faking a class,

375
00:16:11,925 --> 00:16:14,944
he came to me and we cooked
up this whole conspiracy thing

376
00:16:14,945 --> 00:16:17,514
to illustrate the slippery slope

377
00:16:17,515 --> 00:16:19,243
of academic fraud!

378
00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:21,534
You know what you
actually illustrated, Annie?

379
00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:25,285
How to be a crappy friend.

380
00:16:26,263 --> 00:16:27,704
Once it was obvious

381
00:16:27,705 --> 00:16:29,572
the dean had orchestrated everything,

382
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:30,807
it was even more obvious

383
00:16:30,808 --> 00:16:33,539
the dean was too stupid
to orchestrate anything.

384
00:16:33,728 --> 00:16:35,947
- Mm-hmm!
- So on a hunch, I called him,

385
00:16:35,948 --> 00:16:39,016
and we hatched a plan to
teach you a lesson or two

386
00:16:39,017 --> 00:16:40,158
about friendship.

387
00:16:40,159 --> 00:16:42,644
But, Jeff, I only did it
because I love you.

388
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:45,999
Well, when you love someone,

389
00:16:46,267 --> 00:16:48,097
you have to take them as they are.

390
00:16:48,426 --> 00:16:50,207
People aren't playthings, Annie.

391
00:16:50,382 --> 00:16:51,435
No, they are not.

392
00:16:51,436 --> 00:16:52,777
Look who's talking.

393
00:16:53,296 --> 00:16:55,460
After everything you've put me through?

394
00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:58,338
Okay. Where'd you get that gun?

395
00:17:00,283 --> 00:17:02,429
There were only three prop guns.

396
00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,366
Yeah, well, I live in
a terrible neighborhood.

397
00:17:04,367 --> 00:17:06,678
Annie, put the gun down.

398
00:17:06,679 --> 00:17:07,977
After we kissed,

399
00:17:08,270 --> 00:17:10,459
I waited all summer to see you.

400
00:17:10,857 --> 00:17:12,943
You... buried me

401
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,714
like a shameful secret.

402
00:17:14,715 --> 00:17:15,503
Whoa.

403
00:17:15,504 --> 00:17:16,981
What's the matter, Jeff?

404
00:17:17,212 --> 00:17:20,034
Afraid crazy Annie
would go crazy for you?

405
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,019
Well, guess what.

406
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,105
Annie's got a gun.

407
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,366
Annie, just put the gun...

408
00:17:32,395 --> 00:17:35,397
Annie... What have you done?

409
00:17:35,398 --> 00:17:37,367
If you love Jeff winger so much,

410
00:17:37,368 --> 00:17:39,640
why did you conspire
with me against him?

411
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:40,999
I don't know!

412
00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:44,391
I can't keep track of any of it anymore!

413
00:17:44,392 --> 00:17:47,779
I just keep teaming up
with whoever suggests it!

414
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:49,762
Glad to hear you admit it.

415
00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:52,980
When I called you to ask you
to double-cross Annie,

416
00:17:52,981 --> 00:17:54,734
you didn't hesitate for a second.

417
00:17:54,735 --> 00:17:56,640
Do you even understand
what a conspiracy is?

418
00:17:56,739 --> 00:17:59,029
If you conspire with every
person that approaches you,

419
00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:00,951
you're not even really
conspiring with anyone.

420
00:18:00,952 --> 00:18:03,039
You're just doing random crap.

421
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,194
I know, I...

422
00:18:04,194 --> 00:18:06,076
I'm sorry! I just...

423
00:18:06,579 --> 00:18:09,364
I just wanna have fun
with you guys and...

424
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,175
I go crazy cooped up in
my little office, and...

425
00:18:14,496 --> 00:18:18,103
Time travel is really
hard to write about!

426
00:18:18,151 --> 00:18:20,456
Ohhhh...kay!

427
00:18:21,172 --> 00:18:23,503
If I'm keeping track right,
we should be done.

428
00:18:24,782 --> 00:18:27,264
I'll just take these back
to the theater department.

429
00:18:28,436 --> 00:18:29,673
- Police!
- Aah!

430
00:18:29,674 --> 00:18:30,586
Drop your weapons!

431
00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,140
- Down on the ground!
- Don't shoot, officer!

432
00:18:32,141 --> 00:18:33,830
Don't shoot, please.
They're fake...

433
00:18:37,838 --> 00:18:40,032
Those are prop guns!

434
00:18:40,617 --> 00:18:41,591
Well...

435
00:18:41,945 --> 00:18:43,420
I guess it just goes to show you...

436
00:18:44,137 --> 00:18:46,792
prop guns belong backstage.

437
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,019
And... Scene.

438
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:52,077
You have got to be kidding me!

439
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,131
Professor garrity called and told me

440
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:55,439
what all of you were up to.

441
00:18:55,491 --> 00:18:58,748
Made me mad. Guns aren't toys.

442
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:03,292
In 100% of all fake gun
related shootings,

443
00:19:03,293 --> 00:19:06,062
the victim is always the
one with the fake gun.

444
00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:08,694
Hey, Sean, you got breakfast plans?

445
00:19:08,739 --> 00:19:09,887
I do now.

446
00:19:10,251 --> 00:19:11,475
So, Sean...

447
00:19:12,605 --> 00:19:15,179
We're still on for Thanksgiving, right?

448
00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:17,674
Just talk to your father, Craig.

449
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:22,277
Would that this hoodie
were a time hoodie.

450
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:24,590
Hey, dean,

451
00:19:24,933 --> 00:19:26,085
how 'bout that credit?

452
00:19:26,086 --> 00:19:27,236
Aaa

453
00:19:28,306 --> 00:19:29,283
damn it.

454
00:19:29,662 --> 00:19:31,142
I'm not sure what lessons

455
00:19:31,143 --> 00:19:32,384
either of us managed
to teach each other,

456
00:19:32,385 --> 00:19:34,198
but I am proud of Annie.

457
00:19:34,199 --> 00:19:37,133
She took to deception like
Abed took to Cougar Town.

458
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,071
It's really good.

459
00:19:38,072 --> 00:19:39,972
Especially when she went off script.

460
00:19:41,152 --> 00:19:43,085
You said to be convincing.

461
00:19:43,158 --> 00:19:44,748
Check it out, bros.

462
00:19:44,749 --> 00:19:47,044
You made the front page!

463
00:19:51,069 --> 00:19:52,239
You know what this means.

464
00:19:52,681 --> 00:19:54,009
We've gone mainstream.

465
00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,828
Initiate Protocol Omega.

466
00:20:21,809 --> 00:20:23,348
We've started looting!

467
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,828
Wanna build a cardboard submarine?

468
00:20:31,266 --> 00:20:32,575
Get out of my brain.

469
00:20:34,730 --> 00:20:36,286
- Once...
- Upon...

470
00:20:36,287 --> 00:20:37,704
- A...
- Time...

471
00:20:37,705 --> 00:20:38,822
- There...
- Was...

472
00:20:38,823 --> 00:20:39,836
A...

473
00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:42,745
- Big...
- Spaceship.

474
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,420
- And...
- Aliens.

475
00:20:44,656 --> 00:20:46,190
- And...
- Mercenaries.

476
00:20:46,544 --> 00:20:47,976
- And?
- War.

477
00:20:48,755 --> 00:20:50,916
- And?
- Betrayal.

478
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:52,740
And?

479
00:20:53,256 --> 00:20:54,358
Romance?

480
00:20:54,677 --> 00:20:55,810
- And...
- Karate.

481
00:20:56,033 --> 00:20:57,339
- And?
- Credits.

482
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:58,859
- The...
- End.

483
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,204
We should write a screenplay together.

484
00:21:01,283 --> 00:21:02,908
Cool. Go Google.