1
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It's that very special time of year,
Greendale.

2
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A time for me to remind you

3
00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:09,372
that your school acknowledges
no specialness

4
00:00:09,373 --> 00:00:10,847
to this time of year.

5
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You do, of course, have
a constitutional right

6
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to lend this season

7
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the significance of your choosing

8
00:00:16,153 --> 00:00:18,958
in any of our designated holiday zones.

9
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Merry Christmas, everybody.

10
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Don't you mean season's greetings?

11
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Come on, Shirley. You know it's Christmas.

12
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Yes, but as a modern Christian,

13
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I've learned to be sensitive

14
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to other cultures' jealousies.

15
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So what are we doing this year?

16
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Well, I'm taking a relaxation course

17
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next semester.

18
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And I was going to use the break

19
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to do all the reading in advance.

20
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I'm shutting myself in with my video games.

21
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Fake-murdering people is gonna be

22
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my new holiday tradition.

23
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Hm. This is disappointing.

24
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What do you care about Christmas, Abed?

25
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You're Muslim.

26
00:00:46,010 --> 00:00:47,102
Don't your people spend this season

27
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writing angry letters to TV guide?

28
00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:50,628
It's true. Religiously, I'm Muslim.

29
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But I've always been a big fan
of Christmas.

30
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And this is the most important Christmas

31
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in the history of the universe.

32
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I'm assuming that's why we're all
stop-motion animated.

33
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I vote we let it go.

34
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What did you say we were, Abed?

35
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We're stop-motion animated.

36
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I don't understand what he's saying.

37
00:01:04,678 --> 00:01:06,454
I never understand what
any of you are saying.

38
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You guys don't see it?

39
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I noticed it this morning.

40
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That's how I knew it was
a special Christmas.

41
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We've clearly entered a whole new medium.

42
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Abed, does the word clearly
mean the same thing

43
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to you as it does to normal people?

44
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It's probably Arabic for "not clearly."

45
00:01:18,706 --> 00:01:20,610
You really expect me to tarnish
the high five

46
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for that?

47
00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:23,776
You guys really don't see what I'm seeing?

48
00:01:24,566 --> 00:01:25,944
That worries me a little.

49
00:01:25,945 --> 00:01:27,629
I think it worries all of us.

50
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Is there something that we can do

51
00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:32,551
to help you with your situation, Abed?

52
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For starters, you could move around more.

53
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,144
Not much point in being animated

54
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if you don't.

55
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,405
And I think we should commit to the format.

56
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Starting with a song.

57
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You start. I'm sure we'll join in.

58
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* Give me the snow

59
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light up the trees

60
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deck every hall

61
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and while you can see

62
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roast every nut

63
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mistle the toe

64
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this needs to be the best Christmas

65
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since the original.

66
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20,000 years from now

67
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they'll say

68
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the most successful Christmas

69
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was today. *

70
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Okay, we got him.

71
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We got him. He's down.

72
00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:14,695
Now, how many fingers am I holding up?

73
00:02:14,696 --> 00:02:16,018
And, more importantly,

74
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are they still made of clay?

75
00:02:17,855 --> 00:02:19,279
Three, and I told you, we're not clay.

76
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We're silicone dolls with foam bodies

77
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over ball-and-socket armatures.

78
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Fascinating.

79
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And publishable.

80
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And you say you have no memory

81
00:02:26,351 --> 00:02:27,262
of this morning.

82
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You don't recall the emotional crisis

83
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that caused you to take shelter

84
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in this delusion.

85
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- It's not a delusion.
- Very, very publishable.

86
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Abed, I've been a professor of psychology

87
00:02:36,854 --> 00:02:39,409
here at Greendale for many years.

88
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And I think I see a solution to this

89
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that might also help you
with your situation.

90
00:02:44,345 --> 00:02:46,455
I'd like to do extensive sessions with you,

91
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including hypnosis.

92
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- I don't need therapy.
- Nobody said you did.

93
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I just think it would benefit you

94
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and, incidentally, me,

95
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to get to the real meaning of all this.

96
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You're right. That's it.

97
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I need to find the meaning of Christmas.

98
00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:00,339
Ah, well...

99
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If I can find the meaning of Christmas,

100
00:03:01,403 --> 00:03:02,909
everything will go back to normal.

101
00:03:02,939 --> 00:03:03,838
Asterisk.

102
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Abed, the dean says

103
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if you don't get help,

104
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they might kick you out of school.

105
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Why would I want to be in a school

106
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that hates Christmas?

107
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He's got a point.

108
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Kidding.

109
00:03:14,121 --> 00:03:16,929
* Sad quick Christmas song

110
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sad quick Christmas snowman

111
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tragic day gone wrong

112
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sad quick Christmas song. *

113
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I don't suppose you know
the meaning of Christmas,

114
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lonely snowman.

115
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Apparently, it means getting fondled

116
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by singing mental cases.

117
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My snowman is alive!

118
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I'm not a snowman.

119
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I'm Chang.

120
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What the hell's wrong with you today?

121
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I thought I made you.

122
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Yeah, you made me need to cry

123
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in the shower tonight.

124
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It's a text from Britta.

125
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She says, "the meaning of Christmas

126
00:03:44,244 --> 00:03:45,732
is in the study room."

127
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Hey, now that you started it,

128
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how 'bout ten more seconds
on that third button, huh?

129
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You lied to lure me into
a group therapy session?

130
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Surprise!

131
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Pierce, you promised not to do that.

132
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Surprise.

133
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- Not cool.
- H-h-hold on, Abed.

134
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I'm not just a psych professor.

135
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I'm also a Christmas wizard.

136
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You are?

137
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I am.

138
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And I can help you find
the meaning of Christmas.

139
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Right, guys?

140
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- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, yeah.

141
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Oh, this feels safe.

142
00:04:16,543 --> 00:04:17,672
Shut up, Winger.

143
00:04:17,673 --> 00:04:19,654
What do you think, Abed?

144
00:04:19,655 --> 00:04:21,644
Christmas wizard. Hm.

145
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I guess I can see that.

146
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Have a seat, then.

147
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Nothing to be afraid of.

148
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All your friends are here.

149
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They just want to help.

150
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I'm here for the cookies.

151
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So what do we do?

152
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Well, with your permission,

153
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I'd like to put you into a state

154
00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:38,408
of christmasnosis

155
00:04:38,409 --> 00:04:41,094
and take you on a magic journey.

156
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To winter wonderland?

157
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Sure.

158
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Your own personal winter wonderland.

159
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Come on, everyone.

160
00:04:46,508 --> 00:04:49,027
You all know how magic
Christmas journeys work.

161
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Mm-hmm.

162
00:04:50,074 --> 00:04:51,696
You are playing with so much fire.

163
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Shut up, Winger.

164
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Hands on the table.

165
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Eyes closed.

166
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Heads relaxing.

167
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Necks relaxing.

168
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Don't relax Pierce any lower.

169
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Screw you.

170
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Abed, focus on the sound of my voice,

171
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and let yourself relax.

172
00:05:06,337 --> 00:05:08,331
With each breath, you'll feel...

173
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- It's beginning.
- All right, then.

174
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The table's moving.

175
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Shaking like a rocket about to take off.

176
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Now it's leaving the floor

177
00:05:13,857 --> 00:05:15,320
as the walls and the ceiling fly away.

178
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We're in outer Christmas space.

179
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There's planet holly.

180
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And planet jolly.

181
00:05:21,258 --> 00:05:23,291
Oh, and what's that up ahead?

182
00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:25,407
Ah, it's planet Abed.

183
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:26,039
Subtle.

184
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:26,948
Yeah, we're actually descending

185
00:05:26,949 --> 00:05:28,074
onto planet Abed now.

186
00:05:28,075 --> 00:05:30,064
It's the most christmassy planet
in the universe.

187
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Its atmosphere is 7% cinnamon.

188
00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:33,178
Awww.

189
00:05:37,382 --> 00:05:39,176
We're here. Winter wonderland.

190
00:05:39,177 --> 00:05:40,129
See how sparkly?

191
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,787
What, are you crazy?
All I see is the study...

192
00:05:41,788 --> 00:05:43,824
Ooh, sparkly wonderland.

193
00:05:43,825 --> 00:05:45,209
You might notice that during our journey,

194
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:46,697
you've transformed into Christmas versions

195
00:05:46,698 --> 00:05:47,743
of yourselves.

196
00:05:47,744 --> 00:05:48,946
Jeff-in-the-box.

197
00:05:51,254 --> 00:05:52,222
Uh-huh.

198
00:05:52,223 --> 00:05:53,375
Troy soldier.

199
00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:55,493
Cool! Do I have a gun?

200
00:05:55,494 --> 00:05:57,152
- You have a drum.
- Cool.

201
00:05:57,153 --> 00:05:58,697
Britta, you're Britta-bot.

202
00:05:58,748 --> 00:05:59,999
- Uh...
- Just go with it.

203
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,381
Bleep, bloop.

204
00:06:01,382 --> 00:06:02,559
Teddy Pierce.

205
00:06:03,245 --> 00:06:04,867
Bleep, bloop for me, too.

206
00:06:04,868 --> 00:06:06,066
Ballerannie.

207
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:07,413
Oh.

208
00:06:07,414 --> 00:06:08,737
Baby doll Shirley.

209
00:06:09,143 --> 00:06:10,918
Baby what? What the hell?

210
00:06:11,296 --> 00:06:13,339
Well, we are making fabulous

211
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,830
and unexpectedly intense progress.

212
00:06:15,831 --> 00:06:17,093
Now, what I'd like to do

213
00:06:17,094 --> 00:06:21,496
is visit the cave of frozen memories.

214
00:06:21,497 --> 00:06:22,996
Pass. Let's head for the north pole.

215
00:06:22,997 --> 00:06:24,629
The meaning of Christmas will be there.

216
00:06:24,659 --> 00:06:26,205
Um, well, yeah.

217
00:06:26,206 --> 00:06:27,312
Yeah, sure. Cheers.

218
00:06:27,313 --> 00:06:29,340
And I actually think I know a shortcut

219
00:06:29,341 --> 00:06:30,348
to the north pole

220
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,083
through the cave of frozen memor...

221
00:06:33,084 --> 00:06:34,231
Fine, I guess we can take gumdrop road

222
00:06:34,232 --> 00:06:35,801
through Carol Canyon 
and stop at the cave.

223
00:06:35,802 --> 00:06:36,930
I wouldn't call it a shortcut,

224
00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:38,870
but you got us here,
so I'll throw you a bone.

225
00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:40,622
* Come with me

226
00:06:40,623 --> 00:06:41,888
and walk with me

227
00:06:41,889 --> 00:06:44,086
and see what we can find.

228
00:06:44,373 --> 00:06:45,530
* Accompany me

229
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:46,970
on a journey with me

230
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,049
through the wonderland

231
00:06:49,050 --> 00:06:51,603
in my mind. *

232
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:53,547
Let's move, folks.

233
00:06:53,548 --> 00:06:56,483
This isn't going to be fun, easy, or safe.

234
00:07:02,111 --> 00:07:03,231
Shut up, Winger.

235
00:07:03,232 --> 00:07:04,463
Mm-hmm.

236
00:07:10,455 --> 00:07:11,401
Fair warning, guys.

237
00:07:11,402 --> 00:07:12,481
A journey through winter wonderland

238
00:07:12,482 --> 00:07:14,256
tends to test your commitment to Christmas.

239
00:07:14,257 --> 00:07:16,222
And when I say test, I mean wonka style.

240
00:07:16,223 --> 00:07:17,524
I'm talkin' dark.

241
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,933
Stay honest, stay alert,

242
00:07:19,934 --> 00:07:21,291
and for the love of God,

243
00:07:21,292 --> 00:07:22,867
stay between the gumdrops.

244
00:07:23,495 --> 00:07:25,063
Look up there, Abed.

245
00:07:25,064 --> 00:07:28,957
I think I see the cave of frozen memories.

246
00:07:28,958 --> 00:07:30,066
A great place...

247
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,431
It's actually the cave of frozen peas.

248
00:07:31,432 --> 00:07:32,581
It's a common mistake.

249
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:33,686
Don't worry, Christmas wizard.

250
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,533
I got this.

251
00:07:34,534 --> 00:07:35,573
Terrific.

252
00:07:37,536 --> 00:07:39,998
Abed, did you say my Christmas self

253
00:07:39,999 --> 00:07:41,047
was a baby?

254
00:07:41,048 --> 00:07:43,558
Are you sure you didn't say
I was a Christmas angel?

255
00:07:43,559 --> 00:07:44,943
I think that must be what you said, right?

256
00:07:44,944 --> 00:07:45,865
Because you respect me too much

257
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:46,812
to imagine me as a baby.

258
00:07:46,813 --> 00:07:48,916
Jeez, maybe if you cry enough,
he'll change you.

259
00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:50,937
Uh, you do know why he said
you were a robot, right?

260
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,814
Because I'm progressive and kick ass.

261
00:07:52,815 --> 00:07:54,385
How 'bout heartless and godless?

262
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,201
I think he just gave us random identities,

263
00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:56,886
you guys.

264
00:07:56,887 --> 00:07:58,607
I mean, me, a ballerina?

265
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,614
It's not like I'm that thin and graceful.

266
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:02,440
Right?

267
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:05,846
Annie, it's because you're fragile
and tightly wound.

268
00:08:07,061 --> 00:08:07,866
Oh!

269
00:08:07,867 --> 00:08:09,489
Ladies, cut the non-thematic chatter,

270
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:10,896
and keep your eyes on the prize.

271
00:08:10,992 --> 00:08:12,446
We're looking for the meaning of Christmas.

272
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:13,575
Uh, you know what, Abed?

273
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,103
I happen to know the meaning of Christmas.

274
00:08:15,104 --> 00:08:16,943
And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one
here that does.

275
00:08:16,944 --> 00:08:19,068
So I would appreciate
a certain level of respect,

276
00:08:19,069 --> 00:08:20,002
even if I am a guest

277
00:08:20,003 --> 00:08:21,663
in your make-believe therapy wonderland.

278
00:08:21,664 --> 00:08:23,028
- Therapy?
- All right!

279
00:08:23,029 --> 00:08:25,760
I am freezing Shirley with my wand.

280
00:08:26,311 --> 00:08:29,205
And I am ejecting her from planet Abed

281
00:08:29,206 --> 00:08:34,933
with a remote control
Christmas pterodactyl.

282
00:08:35,977 --> 00:08:38,114
- Oh, nice.
- Now we're talking.

283
00:08:39,992 --> 00:08:41,690
The point being, if you're not interested

284
00:08:41,691 --> 00:08:42,590
in helping Abed,

285
00:08:42,591 --> 00:08:44,249
there's no reason to be here.

286
00:08:45,244 --> 00:08:46,350
Cookies.

287
00:08:47,989 --> 00:08:50,275
* Swaddled in her diaper

288
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:52,291
high upon her throne

289
00:08:52,338 --> 00:08:54,356
the queen of Christmas babies

290
00:08:54,357 --> 00:08:57,990
thought that Christmas was her own. *

291
00:08:59,107 --> 00:09:01,224
That's wonderful.

292
00:09:01,225 --> 00:09:02,598
Let's get back to the magic journey

293
00:09:02,599 --> 00:09:03,382
and wrap up.

294
00:09:03,383 --> 00:09:04,782
Some of us have women to sleep with.

295
00:09:04,783 --> 00:09:05,888
You guys hear that?

296
00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:07,175
Humbugs.

297
00:09:07,176 --> 00:09:09,462
- Humbugs?
- Yeah, a whole swarm of them.

298
00:09:09,463 --> 00:09:10,410
See?

299
00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:14,376
Everyone stay perfectly sincere.

300
00:09:14,377 --> 00:09:16,091
Humbugs are attracted to sarcasm.

301
00:09:16,092 --> 00:09:16,844
Wow.

302
00:09:16,845 --> 00:09:18,670
Somewhere out there,
Tim Burton just got a boner.

303
00:09:18,671 --> 00:09:20,410
Jeff, don't be sarcastic.

304
00:09:20,411 --> 00:09:21,836
Oh, are they on me now?

305
00:09:21,837 --> 00:09:23,344
Oh, no.

306
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:24,618
They're eating him alive.

307
00:09:24,619 --> 00:09:26,147
If only he could find the power

308
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,764
to not be a smug douche.

309
00:09:27,765 --> 00:09:29,287
Ah, no can do.

310
00:09:29,288 --> 00:09:30,802
I'm just a horrible guy.

311
00:09:30,805 --> 00:09:33,797
Guess I'll have to go get laid...

312
00:09:36,914 --> 00:09:38,759
Ooh, can I sing this one?

313
00:09:39,975 --> 00:09:42,155
Bitter shallow hipster

314
00:09:42,156 --> 00:09:44,438
sweater matching socks

315
00:09:44,439 --> 00:09:46,291
Christmas needs more presence

316
00:09:46,292 --> 00:09:50,070
than a haircut in a box.

317
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:51,918
Annie, nice.

318
00:09:51,919 --> 00:09:53,905
Get what I did with the word presence?

319
00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:56,694
This is Carol canyon.

320
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:57,547
Instead of oxygen,

321
00:09:57,548 --> 00:09:58,910
the plants produce Christmas songs.

322
00:09:58,911 --> 00:10:00,329
Will it cost a lot to walk through here?

323
00:10:00,330 --> 00:10:01,401
No, no, it's public domain.

324
00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:02,663
You guys know Jesus was born

325
00:10:02,664 --> 00:10:04,332
in the middle of April, right?

326
00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:06,124
The church moved his birthday to December

327
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:07,553
so they could steal the solstice

328
00:10:07,554 --> 00:10:08,616
from the pagans.

329
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:11,186
Season's greetings from Britta Perry.

330
00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:13,106
Maybe you could sing
a song about it, Britta.

331
00:10:13,107 --> 00:10:14,191
I don't sing.

332
00:10:14,192 --> 00:10:16,880
And if I did, I wouldn't sing
Christmas songs.

333
00:10:17,151 --> 00:10:18,573
I guess that means
you're gonna have me ejected

334
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:19,957
from winter wonderland

335
00:10:19,958 --> 00:10:21,661
for not loving Christmas enough.

336
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:22,995
Nope, not for that.

337
00:10:23,317 --> 00:10:25,060
Let's get to the cave of frozen memories.

338
00:10:25,619 --> 00:10:28,127
Man, it is cave-like in here.

339
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,043
What do you mean, cave-like? It's a cave.

340
00:10:30,277 --> 00:10:31,446
Nothing to be afraid of.

341
00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:34,647
The cave of frozen memories is a safe place

342
00:10:34,648 --> 00:10:38,202
where we can observe suppressed experiences

343
00:10:38,203 --> 00:10:40,617
without being affected by them.

344
00:10:40,618 --> 00:10:41,764
Can you show me how to do it?

345
00:10:41,972 --> 00:10:42,868
Sure.

346
00:10:42,869 --> 00:10:45,601
Here, I'm focusing on a part of the cave,

347
00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:48,119
and I'm seeing my tenth Christmas.

348
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:48,867
All right?

349
00:10:48,868 --> 00:10:50,744
Now you try with this morning.

350
00:10:51,373 --> 00:10:52,880
I can't see your tenth Christmas.

351
00:10:52,881 --> 00:10:54,046
How do you even know that's you?

352
00:10:54,047 --> 00:10:57,121
Well, it's my house on 52nd street

353
00:10:57,122 --> 00:10:58,086
in Islington.

354
00:10:58,087 --> 00:10:59,972
What room are you in?
What color are the walls?

355
00:10:59,973 --> 00:11:01,229
Our living room.

356
00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:02,740
Cream-colored plaster.

357
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:04,511
There's an oil painting of a forest

358
00:11:04,512 --> 00:11:05,882
above the sofa.

359
00:11:06,322 --> 00:11:08,195
I'm reading Paddington books.

360
00:11:08,528 --> 00:11:10,894
Mom got me Paddington every year.

361
00:11:10,895 --> 00:11:12,076
Where's your dad?

362
00:11:12,315 --> 00:11:13,730
It's Christmas, professor.

363
00:11:13,731 --> 00:11:14,565
Where is your dad?

364
00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:16,819
I don't know! We never know!

365
00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:18,542
Mom won't stop crying!

366
00:11:18,543 --> 00:11:21,209
I'm going to America with grandma!

367
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,729
He is good.

368
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:29,964
We lost our wizard.

369
00:11:29,965 --> 00:11:31,364
We don't need him. Never did.

370
00:11:31,365 --> 00:11:32,911
And nobody needs this cave.

371
00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:35,710
Initiate self-destruct.

372
00:11:35,711 --> 00:11:38,054
Self-destruct initiating.

373
00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:41,836
This slide goes directly
to pine tree station.

374
00:11:41,837 --> 00:11:43,655
We can catch a train
to the north pole from there.

375
00:11:44,195 --> 00:11:45,038
The wizard didn't bring us here

376
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:46,388
to find the meaning of Christmas.

377
00:11:46,389 --> 00:11:47,902
And I can't have anyone
going beyond this point

378
00:11:47,903 --> 00:11:49,211
that's on his side.

379
00:11:50,818 --> 00:11:52,087
With you to the end, man.

380
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,716
Always.

381
00:11:59,659 --> 00:12:01,457
Like I said, I came for the cookies.

382
00:12:01,458 --> 00:12:02,450
Ouch!

383
00:12:02,849 --> 00:12:03,642
I'm not ejecting you

384
00:12:03,643 --> 00:12:05,246
for your not liking Christmas music,
Britta.

385
00:12:05,247 --> 00:12:06,400
I'm ejecting you for lying

386
00:12:06,401 --> 00:12:07,614
to trick me into therapy.

387
00:12:07,615 --> 00:12:10,739
Abed, they will kick you out of school.

388
00:12:10,752 --> 00:12:12,717
I was trying to save you.

389
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,373
* Britta-bot

390
00:12:15,374 --> 00:12:17,623
programmed badly

391
00:12:17,939 --> 00:12:22,137
wires with fraying ends

392
00:12:22,389 --> 00:12:24,420
functioning

393
00:12:24,421 --> 00:12:26,733
mad and sadly

394
00:12:27,019 --> 00:12:30,654
no faith in herself

395
00:12:30,944 --> 00:12:33,877
or friends

396
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,171
bye, Britta.

397
00:12:50,281 --> 00:12:52,889
Damn, it got real up in that memory cave.

398
00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:54,181
I know, right?

399
00:12:54,182 --> 00:12:55,888
Speaking of real, this has been great.

400
00:12:55,889 --> 00:12:56,911
But the cookies are gone,

401
00:12:56,912 --> 00:12:58,517
and I have to take a giant leak.

402
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:01,847
We should be at the north pole

403
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:03,787
00 eastern candy time.

404
00:13:03,889 --> 00:13:05,302
You guys see the countryside?

405
00:13:05,547 --> 00:13:06,920
There's the menorah mountains.

406
00:13:06,921 --> 00:13:08,236
And Jehovah witness bay.

407
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:09,765
Thanks for adding that, man.

408
00:13:11,013 --> 00:13:12,927
This is nicer than all the Christmases

409
00:13:12,928 --> 00:13:14,302
I ever celebrated.

410
00:13:14,303 --> 00:13:15,295
But you're Jewish.

411
00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:16,486
On my mom's side.

412
00:13:16,487 --> 00:13:18,152
But my dad's episcopalian.

413
00:13:18,153 --> 00:13:19,694
And before the divorce,

414
00:13:19,695 --> 00:13:22,478
the holidays were a minefield
of overlapping rituals.

415
00:13:22,479 --> 00:13:23,814
I like the rituals.

416
00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:25,556
My parents are divorced, too.

417
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:26,940
My mom's Polish.

418
00:13:26,941 --> 00:13:28,308
She loves Christmas.

419
00:13:28,309 --> 00:13:30,197
Every year, she visits on the same day.

420
00:13:30,198 --> 00:13:31,205
December 9th.

421
00:13:31,206 --> 00:13:32,418
And every year, we sit and watch

422
00:13:32,419 --> 00:13:34,772
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer together,

423
00:13:34,956 --> 00:13:35,997
every year.

424
00:13:37,435 --> 00:13:39,929
But, Abed, today is December 9th.

425
00:13:40,288 --> 00:13:42,339
It's the last day of classes.

426
00:13:43,861 --> 00:13:44,779
Yeah.

427
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:45,870
That can't be right.

428
00:13:45,871 --> 00:13:47,038
She comes every year.

429
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,630
Today must be December 8th.

430
00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:50,636
'Cause she comes every year.

431
00:13:54,665 --> 00:13:55,689
Okay, Abed.

432
00:13:55,690 --> 00:13:57,107
Time to stop the train.

433
00:13:57,172 --> 00:13:59,586
After you emasculated me in the ice caves,

434
00:13:59,587 --> 00:14:01,336
I went to your dorm room.

435
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:02,941
I know what happened now.

436
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:03,571
It doesn't matter.

437
00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:04,644
I just need to get to the north pole.

438
00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:06,805
Abed, there is no north pole.

439
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:08,348
We're in the library study room,

440
00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:10,177
and I'm not a Christmas wizard.

441
00:14:10,178 --> 00:14:10,891
I know.

442
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,499
You're a Christmas warlock.

443
00:14:13,278 --> 00:14:14,445
You're trying to destroy Christmas

444
00:14:14,446 --> 00:14:15,937
because you blame your sadness on it.

445
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,189
I'm crawling out the window.

446
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,191
No, you're not.

447
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:19,600
Snap out of it.

448
00:14:19,601 --> 00:14:20,854
Whoa, whoa, who taught you therapy?

449
00:14:20,855 --> 00:14:21,914
Michael Jackson's dad?

450
00:14:21,915 --> 00:14:23,415
I am a professional.

451
00:14:23,416 --> 00:14:24,261
And you are tampering

452
00:14:24,262 --> 00:14:26,119
with a highly delicate book deal.

453
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,938
I mean, human being.

454
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,339
Oh, now we're losing him.

455
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:30,559
I'm on the roof of the train.

456
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,385
Oh, great.

457
00:14:31,386 --> 00:14:33,619
Well, I'm teleporting there.

458
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:35,002
Because I can do that.

459
00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:36,835
'Cause I'm a wizard.

460
00:14:36,836 --> 00:14:37,892
Bloink!

461
00:14:39,352 --> 00:14:41,478
Abed, there is no train.

462
00:14:41,479 --> 00:14:43,173
This is not real!

463
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:44,225
I can't hear you.

464
00:14:44,226 --> 00:14:45,659
I'm going to the front car.

465
00:14:46,212 --> 00:14:47,386
You're very clever.

466
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,115
But it stops here.

467
00:14:49,127 --> 00:14:50,610
There's no more journey.

468
00:14:50,611 --> 00:14:52,642
It's just you against reality.

469
00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:55,359
And reality always wins.

470
00:14:55,414 --> 00:14:56,564
Abed!

471
00:14:56,565 --> 00:14:58,556
I'm unhitching the cars, okay?

472
00:14:58,827 --> 00:15:00,997
What? Oh, give me a break.

473
00:15:00,998 --> 00:15:02,472
Do you know what you're doing?

474
00:15:02,473 --> 00:15:04,449
Bloink! We're learning to teleport.

475
00:15:04,450 --> 00:15:06,280
And we're helping our friend
find the meaning

476
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:07,274
of Christmas.

477
00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:08,611
Hey, you're actually grabbing me

478
00:15:08,612 --> 00:15:10,272
in real life, delinquent!

479
00:15:10,273 --> 00:15:11,896
We'll keep him away, Abed!

480
00:15:11,897 --> 00:15:12,755
Go!

481
00:15:12,756 --> 00:15:14,622
Find the meaning of Christmas!

482
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:15,899
At the very least,

483
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,527
somebody take notes!

484
00:15:35,257 --> 00:15:36,950
Whoof. All right, where are we?

485
00:15:36,951 --> 00:15:38,079
Christmas train?

486
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,822
I didn't wanna go home.

487
00:15:40,895 --> 00:15:42,790
It's depressing there this time of year.

488
00:15:57,933 --> 00:15:59,343
What are we looking at?

489
00:16:00,405 --> 00:16:01,671
Santa's workshop.

490
00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:08,593
Okay.

491
00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:10,328
So, meaning of Christmas, right?

492
00:16:10,438 --> 00:16:11,505
You see it?

493
00:16:12,349 --> 00:16:14,036
Well, can it just be anywhere?

494
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:16,098
Like...There?

495
00:16:18,047 --> 00:16:19,224
Good job, Pierce.

496
00:16:31,799 --> 00:16:33,993
It's the first season of lost on DVD.

497
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:35,952
That's the meaning of Christmas?

498
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,309
No, it's a metaphor.

499
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:38,705
It represents lack of payoff.

500
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,909
Correct.

501
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:41,471
Thinking there was something you could do

502
00:16:41,472 --> 00:16:42,821
to save Christmas,

503
00:16:42,822 --> 00:16:45,237
turning yourself into an animated character

504
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,033
in search of the holiday's meaning,

505
00:16:47,034 --> 00:16:51,057
these were mechanisms you used
to escape this.

506
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,545
This Christmas card.

507
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,389
Left where you dropped it

508
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,086
on the floor of your dorm.

509
00:16:57,557 --> 00:16:58,706
"Abed,

510
00:16:58,753 --> 00:17:00,424
"I can't make it this year.

511
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,511
"I have a new family now.

512
00:17:02,766 --> 00:17:04,144
"You'll meet them one day.

513
00:17:04,451 --> 00:17:05,782
"You're a man now.

514
00:17:06,184 --> 00:17:07,606
"Take care of dad.

515
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:09,442
Wash your dupa."

516
00:17:10,169 --> 00:17:11,616
Mommy's moved on.

517
00:17:12,454 --> 00:17:13,654
New family.

518
00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:14,883
New life.

519
00:17:15,793 --> 00:17:17,122
There's nothing left to do now

520
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,465
but heal.

521
00:17:18,557 --> 00:17:20,794
And share the experience

522
00:17:20,795 --> 00:17:24,655
with as many reputable journals
as possible.

523
00:17:25,906 --> 00:17:26,791
Great.

524
00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:28,128
Look what you did to the kid.

525
00:17:28,129 --> 00:17:29,429
What's your article gonna be called?

526
00:17:29,430 --> 00:17:30,384
"Worst shrink ever"?

527
00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:32,309
Hey, this is not my fault.

528
00:17:32,310 --> 00:17:34,435
This is what Christmas does to people.

529
00:17:34,436 --> 00:17:36,129
We put too much meaning into it,

530
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:37,545
and it lets us down.

531
00:17:38,212 --> 00:17:39,582
We beg to differ.

532
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:40,805
What are you doing back here?

533
00:17:40,806 --> 00:17:42,356
Saving Christmas.

534
00:17:42,357 --> 00:17:45,855
Everybody point your magic Christmas
weapons at him.

535
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:48,054
Oh, brother.

536
00:17:48,055 --> 00:17:49,187
This is ridiculous.

537
00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:51,388
You are enabling a delusion.

538
00:17:51,389 --> 00:17:52,797
The delusion you're trying to cure

539
00:17:52,798 --> 00:17:54,981
is called Christmas, Duncan.

540
00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:56,112
It's the crazy notion

541
00:17:56,113 --> 00:17:58,760
that the longest, coldest, darkest nights

542
00:17:58,761 --> 00:18:00,796
can be the warmest and brightest.

543
00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:03,148
Yeah, and when we all agree
to support each other

544
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,411
in that insanity,

545
00:18:04,412 --> 00:18:06,896
something even crazier happens.

546
00:18:06,897 --> 00:18:08,403
It becomes true.

547
00:18:08,404 --> 00:18:09,961
Works every year.

548
00:18:09,962 --> 00:18:11,151
Like clockwork.

549
00:18:11,152 --> 00:18:13,628
Try telling that to your catatonic friend.

550
00:18:13,629 --> 00:18:14,954
I got a better idea.

551
00:18:14,955 --> 00:18:16,792
Why don't we sing it?

552
00:18:16,793 --> 00:18:18,904
- Wait... what?
- Yeah, let's not go overboard.

553
00:18:18,905 --> 00:18:20,521
Will you two commit to something
for a change?

554
00:18:20,522 --> 00:18:22,510
- Let's sing it.
- Yeah, let's sing.

555
00:18:22,511 --> 00:18:24,405
Can we sing while we blow Duncan away?

556
00:18:24,406 --> 00:18:25,688
Absolutely.

557
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,337
Ow! Ah, ah!

558
00:18:27,662 --> 00:18:29,007
You start, Britta.

559
00:18:30,172 --> 00:18:33,526
* Christmas time is a time to sing

560
00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:36,400
that's what Christmas is for

561
00:18:36,484 --> 00:18:39,619
* Christmas can even be a Hanukkah thing

562
00:18:39,638 --> 00:18:42,161
that's what Christmas is for

563
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:43,904
* and for a huge percentage

564
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,432
of this God-fearing planet

565
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:46,695
it's about the birth

566
00:18:46,696 --> 00:18:49,941
of Jesus Chri-i-ist

567
00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:51,329
* but for the rest of us

568
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:52,776
it's still a good time

569
00:18:52,777 --> 00:18:56,072
to remember that it's good to be nice

570
00:18:56,073 --> 00:18:59,105
* music and cookies and licorice dreams

571
00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:01,909
that's what Christmas is for

572
00:19:02,001 --> 00:19:05,246
* video games for two straight weeks

573
00:19:05,247 --> 00:19:07,021
* that's what Christmas is for. *

574
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:08,085
Hey, not the face.

575
00:19:08,086 --> 00:19:11,036
* hanging out with the people you love

576
00:19:11,037 --> 00:19:14,562
* and saying I love you

577
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,511
* that's what Christmas is

578
00:19:18,512 --> 00:19:21,482
that's what Christmas is

579
00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:25,365
that's what Christmas

580
00:19:25,366 --> 00:19:27,678
is for...*

581
00:19:27,679 --> 00:19:31,847
And...Christmas pterodactyl!

582
00:19:33,162 --> 00:19:34,935
All right, all right. I'm leaving.

583
00:19:34,936 --> 00:19:37,293
Initiate self-destruct.

584
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:39,434
Don't you think that's a little bit...

585
00:19:50,654 --> 00:19:51,684
I get it.

586
00:19:52,238 --> 00:19:53,890
The meaning of Christmas is...

587
00:19:54,048 --> 00:19:55,777
The idea that Christmas has meaning.

588
00:19:56,072 --> 00:19:57,620
And it can mean whatever we want.

589
00:19:57,829 --> 00:19:59,822
For me, it used to mean being with my mom.

590
00:20:00,695 --> 00:20:02,150
Now it means being with you guys.

591
00:20:04,362 --> 00:20:05,602
Thanks, lost.

592
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:12,767
Wow.

593
00:20:13,075 --> 00:20:14,450
I feel so much better now.

594
00:20:14,751 --> 00:20:16,574
I guess we don't need to be
stop-motion anymore.

595
00:20:16,578 --> 00:20:18,396
Well, why not just keep it going

596
00:20:18,397 --> 00:20:19,864
for the rest of Christmas?

597
00:20:20,273 --> 00:20:22,995
It just feels so right.

598
00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:30,162
You ever get the urge to just...

599
00:20:30,872 --> 00:20:32,459
"Merry Christmas!"

600
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,381
Ah, there.

601
00:20:34,382 --> 00:20:35,393
Said it.

602
00:20:49,237 --> 00:20:50,310
We're stop-motion again.

603
00:20:50,311 --> 00:20:51,735
Oh, don't worry, man. I did this.

604
00:20:51,736 --> 00:20:53,402
- You did?
- Yeah, it's cool.

605
00:20:53,403 --> 00:20:54,718
Oh. Why?

606
00:20:54,719 --> 00:20:56,402
Well, I always liked the way
fake food looked

607
00:20:56,403 --> 00:20:57,530
on those animated shows.

608
00:20:57,531 --> 00:20:59,598
I mean, get a load of these things.

609
00:20:59,599 --> 00:21:00,991
They really stepped up a notch

610
00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:02,585
in terms of visual deliciousness.

611
00:21:02,586 --> 00:21:03,365
I know what you mean.

612
00:21:03,366 --> 00:21:04,677
Look at that perfect bite.

613
00:21:05,059 --> 00:21:06,081
It's a little odd that I see this,
too, though,

614
00:21:06,082 --> 00:21:06,968
don't you think?

615
00:21:06,969 --> 00:21:09,871
Yeah. We're weird that way.

616
00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:13,084
Ah, that's better.

617
00:21:13,085 --> 00:21:14,416
So weird.

618
00:21:14,417 --> 00:21:16,727
Troy and Abed in stop-motion

619
00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:27,127
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