1
00:00:06,037 --> 00:00:07,573
Hey, Buzzby, how are you today?

2
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,068
Not so great, Bumbleton.

3
00:00:09,069 --> 00:00:10,604
I have a ton of pollen to collect,

4
00:00:10,605 --> 00:00:12,060
but I'm really tired.

5
00:00:12,061 --> 00:00:14,620
Flying a little low?
Maybe you should get high.

6
00:00:14,621 --> 00:00:17,308
- Who's this?
- This is Drugs.

7
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:19,108
- Aren't drugs bad?
- No way.

8
00:00:19,109 --> 00:00:21,837
Drugs are like special honey.
They give you a buzzzzz.

9
00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,669
Don't call me honey, honey.

10
00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:24,727
Pierce!

11
00:00:25,156 --> 00:00:26,244
Drugs doesn't say that.

12
00:00:26,245 --> 00:00:28,484
I don't say anything,
by the way.

13
00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,985
I mean, I thought this show
was about drug awareness.

14
00:00:30,986 --> 00:00:33,431
Who's gonna be aware of a
character that has no lines?

15
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:36,633
And also I noticed on page 15
I get flushed down the toilet.

16
00:00:36,634 --> 00:00:38,309
Consider yourself lucky.

17
00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:40,682
Annie, question.
Is Pierce marijuana?

18
00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:42,408
And does marijuana help
people work faster?

19
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:43,805
I thought it made them just
custom-paint their vans

20
00:00:43,806 --> 00:00:44,646
and solve mysteries.

21
00:00:44,647 --> 00:00:47,102
Also, are you sure that
my costume is on backwards?

22
00:00:47,103 --> 00:00:49,221
Somehow I felt more
confident before.

23
00:00:49,222 --> 00:00:51,301
I have a question.
I don't think my character

24
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,630
would say "tripping balls."

25
00:00:52,631 --> 00:00:53,472
That's not a question.

26
00:00:53,473 --> 00:00:54,440
I don't think my character

27
00:00:54,441 --> 00:00:56,439
would say tripping balls, okay?

28
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,986
Guys, let's remember
why we're doing this.

29
00:00:58,987 --> 00:01:01,294
If our work helps even one
kid make better choices,

30
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,098
then it will all be worth it.

31
00:01:03,127 --> 00:01:05,408
I wish I had seen a show
like this when I was younger.

32
00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:07,188
It might have helped
me avoid my mistakes.

33
00:01:07,189 --> 00:01:08,990
Well, we're happy to
do this for you, Annie,

34
00:01:08,991 --> 00:01:11,428
but I have to say, my school
had plenty of shows like this,

35
00:01:11,429 --> 00:01:14,047
and I think sitting through
them drove me to drugs.

36
00:01:14,048 --> 00:01:14,954
You don't count, Britta.

37
00:01:14,955 --> 00:01:16,523
You don't respond to
anything appropriately.

38
00:01:16,524 --> 00:01:17,927
Thank you!

39
00:01:18,523 --> 00:01:20,344
Dean-dong!

40
00:01:21,491 --> 00:01:22,853
I'm just checking in to see

41
00:01:22,854 --> 00:01:25,472
how the Greendale antidrug
players are doing.

42
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,160
Now, I talked to the
guidance counselor

43
00:01:27,161 --> 00:01:28,183
at the San Ramone middle school,

44
00:01:28,184 --> 00:01:30,340
and there's gonna be at least 50

45
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:32,569
little at-risk rug rats
coming here tomorrow

46
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:33,706
for your big world premiere.

47
00:01:33,707 --> 00:01:35,459
That is terrific.

48
00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:36,683
So with any luck,
we can get rid of

49
00:01:36,684 --> 00:01:39,351
all those Charleston Chews
in the vending machines.

50
00:01:39,953 --> 00:01:43,212
Um, dean Pelton,
were you hoping to participate

51
00:01:43,213 --> 00:01:45,499
- in the show? 
- Oh, I would love to, Annie.

52
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:46,833
But as you can see from my outfit,

53
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:50,523
I already have plans,
so off to the airport Ramada!

54
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,762
How come he gets
a front stinger?

55
00:01:56,374 --> 00:01:59,517
♪ Give me some rope,
time in a tree

56
00:01:59,518 --> 00:02:02,720
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam

57
00:02:02,721 --> 00:02:06,210
♪ somebody said we could be here

58
00:02:06,211 --> 00:02:10,132
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year

59
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:14,632
♪ I can't count the
reasons I should stay

60
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:19,384
♪ one by one they all just fade away

61
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:25,777
Do you think bees
eat their own honey?

62
00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:27,392
I'm sure they've
at least tasted it.

63
00:02:27,393 --> 00:02:30,156
- This guy keeps texting me.
- You don't like him?

64
00:02:30,157 --> 00:02:32,221
I don't like flirting in text.

65
00:02:32,226 --> 00:02:34,679
That's like saying you
don't work by electric light.

66
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,358
If you want to have
an active sex life,

67
00:02:36,359 --> 00:02:37,170
part of it is texting.

68
00:02:37,171 --> 00:02:39,404
Hmm. I don't remember
asking your opinion.

69
00:02:39,405 --> 00:02:40,613
Can't talk now.

70
00:02:40,614 --> 00:02:44,370
Shirley, since I might be the
father of your unborn child,

71
00:02:44,423 --> 00:02:46,275
I made you a mix tape.

72
00:02:46,352 --> 00:02:48,092
I hope you like Johnny Gill.

73
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:51,165
And since you probably don't
have a cassette player,

74
00:02:51,215 --> 00:02:53,983
here's a list of used
ones on Craigslist.

75
00:02:53,984 --> 00:02:55,613
Britta, are you walking
out of this room?

76
00:02:55,614 --> 00:02:57,292
Uh... yeah.

77
00:02:59,171 --> 00:03:00,786
Hey... you know that you're gonna

78
00:03:00,787 --> 00:03:02,105
have to acknowledge
him eventually.

79
00:03:02,106 --> 00:03:03,176
I don't know who
you're talking about.

80
00:03:03,177 --> 00:03:05,854
- Chang. - I know who you're talking
about... He doesn't exist!

81
00:03:08,695 --> 00:03:10,050
- Um, Annie?
- Ooh!

82
00:03:10,245 --> 00:03:11,897
- I'm sorry. A word?
- Mm-hmm!

83
00:03:11,913 --> 00:03:12,545
I don't know if you know this,

84
00:03:12,546 --> 00:03:16,139
but I did TV commercials
for Hawthorne Wipes...

85
00:03:16,140 --> 00:03:17,908
family business... in the fifties.

86
00:03:17,909 --> 00:03:18,756
Oh!

87
00:03:18,757 --> 00:03:21,964
I was kind of the Gerber
Baby of moist towelettes.

88
00:03:22,281 --> 00:03:23,657
- That's great, Pierce.
- Yeah, yeah.

89
00:03:23,781 --> 00:03:25,525
Oh, I've done a lot of acting.

90
00:03:25,526 --> 00:03:26,812
- Workshops. 
- Mm!

91
00:03:26,813 --> 00:03:29,824
I do physical comedy.
Funny dances.

92
00:03:30,197 --> 00:03:32,252
- Foreign accents. 
- Accents?

93
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,645
Name any country.

94
00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:34,889
Russia.

95
00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:35,750
Point being,

96
00:03:35,751 --> 00:03:37,492
there are many tools I
can bring to the table

97
00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,560
that I think the
script may be wasting.

98
00:03:39,561 --> 00:03:40,604
Pierce, you know what I think

99
00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,520
is really great about this show?

100
00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:45,898
The only real star
of it is the message.

101
00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:48,191
Right. Uh... is the
message Jeff Winger?

102
00:03:48,192 --> 00:03:50,326
Because he's on every
page of this thing.

103
00:03:50,327 --> 00:03:51,986
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Uh...

104
00:03:51,991 --> 00:03:52,962
You bet.

105
00:03:56,847 --> 00:03:57,854
Oh, Britta left her phone.

106
00:03:57,855 --> 00:03:59,719
- She's getting a text message.
- Let me see.

107
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,487
- Oh. It's from Marcus.
- Mm.

108
00:04:02,488 --> 00:04:04,291
"I'll be at the
show tomorrow night.

109
00:04:04,292 --> 00:04:06,061
"Can't wait to see you.

110
00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:09,302
Are you really wearing
a cat costume?"

111
00:04:09,410 --> 00:04:10,670
- Mm.
- Well, Marcus...

112
00:04:10,756 --> 00:04:12,955
You are in luck.

113
00:04:12,956 --> 00:04:13,681
What are you doing?

114
00:04:13,682 --> 00:04:16,893
Dragging Britta kicking
and screaming into 1997.

115
00:04:16,894 --> 00:04:18,171
- What did you say?
- "There's not much

116
00:04:18,172 --> 00:04:19,363
"to the cat costume,

117
00:04:19,364 --> 00:04:22,233
but can't wait to show
you what's underneath."

118
00:04:24,256 --> 00:04:25,643
How could you think
that was a good idea?

119
00:04:25,644 --> 00:04:26,900
- I got a better question.
- Mm-hmm.

120
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:28,792
How could it not
be a great idea?

121
00:05:11,349 --> 00:05:12,328
What...

122
00:05:14,604 --> 00:05:17,158
Pierce... what are you doing here?

123
00:05:17,159 --> 00:05:18,476
Never mind that.

124
00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:20,412
There's a rapist in the hallway.

125
00:05:20,413 --> 00:05:21,477
That's my landlord.

126
00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:23,688
And if he wanted to rape you,
you'd be raped.

127
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,022
Did you follow me?

128
00:05:25,023 --> 00:05:27,332
Let me answer your
question with two of my own.

129
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:30,345
What are you doing in an
apartment above Dildopolis?

130
00:05:30,516 --> 00:05:32,720
And when did they open
a second location?

131
00:05:32,725 --> 00:05:34,100
This is where I live, Pierce.

132
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,807
It just happens to be
above a marital aid store.

133
00:05:36,808 --> 00:05:39,867
I don't get it.
Aren't everyone's parents rich?

134
00:05:39,919 --> 00:05:41,657
Well, I'm not
speaking to my parents.

135
00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:43,063
After my nervous breakdown,

136
00:05:43,064 --> 00:05:44,671
my mom wanted to put
the problem behind us,

137
00:05:44,672 --> 00:05:46,971
and I wanted to deal with it,
so I went to rehab,

138
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,449
and she cut me off.

139
00:05:48,450 --> 00:05:49,474
What are you living on?

140
00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:51,819
I saved. Every penny
from babysitting,

141
00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:53,161
every birthday check,

142
00:05:53,162 --> 00:05:55,615
every dollar from the Period
Fairy when I was a kid.

143
00:05:55,699 --> 00:05:57,555
I guess I thought it
would last longer.

144
00:05:57,556 --> 00:05:59,561
Excuse me.
What's a Period Fairy?

145
00:05:59,956 --> 00:06:01,548
The fairy that
gives you a dollar

146
00:06:01,549 --> 00:06:03,218
every time you get your period.

147
00:06:03,428 --> 00:06:04,299
Does she still come?

148
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,697
- Pierce!
- You know,

149
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,143
you and I are very
much alike, Annie.

150
00:06:08,338 --> 00:06:10,675
We're both realists.
We're both cute.

151
00:06:11,019 --> 00:06:14,621
And we'd both rather die than
let someone else control us.

152
00:06:14,889 --> 00:06:16,896
I see the point of this place now.

153
00:06:17,913 --> 00:06:19,720
This crap hole is a monument

154
00:06:19,721 --> 00:06:21,253
to self-reliance.

155
00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:23,763
I found the drapes
in a dumpster.

156
00:06:23,764 --> 00:06:24,976
Can you believe it?

157
00:06:25,561 --> 00:06:26,533
Yes.

158
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:27,889
You know, I wanna help, Annie.

159
00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:30,151
Oh, no. No, no, no,
no, no, Pierce.

160
00:06:30,152 --> 00:06:32,982
- Come on, now.
- I'm not taking money from you.

161
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,525
It's not mine. It's yours.

162
00:06:35,526 --> 00:06:38,086
You've earned it for being strong.

163
00:06:38,137 --> 00:06:42,038
It's going to drop into your
hands from out of nowhere.

164
00:06:42,883 --> 00:06:44,510
Because I was never here.

165
00:06:47,292 --> 00:06:48,729
Okay. I'm only taking this

166
00:06:48,730 --> 00:06:50,345
because I'm a little
worried about making rent,

167
00:06:50,346 --> 00:06:51,744
and they told me the
procedure for selling eggs

168
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,646
takes three weeks.

169
00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:54,395
You save your eggs
for a rainy day.

170
00:06:54,396 --> 00:06:55,706
I'll see you tomorrow.

171
00:06:56,612 --> 00:06:57,665
Pierce?

172
00:07:05,789 --> 00:07:08,320
Hey, why did you
follow me here today?

173
00:07:08,577 --> 00:07:10,941
Oh! It was nothing, it...

174
00:07:10,942 --> 00:07:13,050
Seems sort of pointless now.

175
00:07:13,653 --> 00:07:15,300
I guess just to
talk about the play

176
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:18,372
and...Who cares if I
don't have any lines?

177
00:07:18,373 --> 00:07:19,797
Well, you know what, Pierce?

178
00:07:19,798 --> 00:07:21,324
You should do that
line you improvised.

179
00:07:21,325 --> 00:07:23,525
- "Don't call me honey, honey"?
- Yeah, that's it.

180
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,532
You should do that.

181
00:07:24,725 --> 00:07:27,417
You were the Gerber Baby
of moist towelettes, right?

182
00:07:28,035 --> 00:07:29,809
Yes. Yes, I was.

183
00:07:31,176 --> 00:07:31,905
Action!

184
00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:35,299
Hello. I'm Cornelius Hawthorne.

185
00:07:35,481 --> 00:07:38,545
One rainy day, my son Pierce and I

186
00:07:38,546 --> 00:07:40,578
were taking a stroll
when I discovered

187
00:07:40,579 --> 00:07:44,708
the cleansing power of moist cotton,
fresh from the field.

188
00:07:44,709 --> 00:07:46,242
Isn't that right, son?

189
00:07:46,446 --> 00:07:48,140
It sure is.

190
00:07:48,141 --> 00:07:50,007
It sure is, dad!

191
00:07:50,008 --> 00:07:52,196
Pierce, knock it off.

192
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,448
I wanna be in the
commercial too, father.

193
00:07:55,449 --> 00:07:57,076
Well, then you
should have done better

194
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,626
in your damn audition.

195
00:07:59,455 --> 00:08:00,649
What's your name, son?

196
00:08:00,884 --> 00:08:02,066
Nigel.

197
00:08:02,325 --> 00:08:04,292
You're a good boy, Nigel.

198
00:08:04,293 --> 00:08:06,377
Your father is a lucky man.

199
00:08:15,318 --> 00:08:16,290
Okay, guys, remember,

200
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:18,442
the most important
thing is to have fun!

201
00:08:18,443 --> 00:08:19,393
And the second most
important thing

202
00:08:19,394 --> 00:08:20,637
is to know all your lines
and all your blocking

203
00:08:20,638 --> 00:08:23,409
and not mess up a single thing.
Actually... flip those.

204
00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:26,469
Here we go, guys.
I took the liberty

205
00:08:26,470 --> 00:08:28,332
of juicing up some of our bits.

206
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,328
Um...But...

207
00:08:29,329 --> 00:08:31,917
Pierce, you can't just
revise Annie's script.

208
00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,149
And who uses wite-out anymore?

209
00:08:34,258 --> 00:08:35,843
Why don't we look
over Pierce's changes

210
00:08:35,844 --> 00:08:38,518
and see if they improve things?

211
00:08:38,708 --> 00:08:40,576
"Hey, Crayon, do you know
where I can get some drugs?

212
00:08:40,577 --> 00:08:41,770
I need them."

213
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,930
"Unfortunately,
you can get them anywhere."

214
00:08:43,931 --> 00:08:45,779
- "Anywhere?"
- I'm here!

215
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:47,376
Zabba-da-zooey!

216
00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:52,527
Good one.

217
00:08:53,782 --> 00:08:55,076
Well, doesn't seem
to hurt anything,

218
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:57,873
so let's get into costume
and break a stinger!

219
00:08:58,476 --> 00:08:59,545
For the bees.

220
00:09:00,012 --> 00:09:01,501
Annie, uh...

221
00:09:01,502 --> 00:09:04,653
I-I don't feel comfortable
with the zabba-da-zooey line.

222
00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:05,764
The one you wrote?

223
00:09:05,765 --> 00:09:06,850
I got it!

224
00:09:06,998 --> 00:09:09,196
Let's give Jeff the
zabba-da-zooey line,

225
00:09:09,197 --> 00:09:11,036
and then I'll come
in with a good one.

226
00:09:11,037 --> 00:09:13,136
- Yeah...
- It's more my voice.

227
00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:14,760
Pretty sure Jeff is
gonna reject that idea.

228
00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:16,652
Yeah, you're probably right.

229
00:09:16,653 --> 00:09:18,019
You're the producer.

230
00:09:18,749 --> 00:09:21,033
By the way, is this your pen?

231
00:09:21,502 --> 00:09:22,599
I...think I put it
back in my pocket

232
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,116
after I wrote you
that check yesterday.

233
00:09:26,713 --> 00:09:27,997
I'll give it to you later.

234
00:09:28,079 --> 00:09:29,189
I'll talk to Jeff.

235
00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:31,126
Also, I think it'd be
better for my character

236
00:09:31,127 --> 00:09:32,694
if I wear his leather jacket.

237
00:09:34,837 --> 00:09:35,857
Okay!

238
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:39,465
Welcome to Greendale's
Drug Awareness Show!

239
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:43,221
Okay. Our volunteers

240
00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:48,103
are handing out drug-free
baseballs, huh?

241
00:09:48,247 --> 00:09:50,503
Next time you think about drugs,

242
00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:53,235
think about baseball instead.

243
00:09:54,952 --> 00:09:56,755
Can't ignore me forever.

244
00:09:58,575 --> 00:10:00,091
Okay, you probably can...

245
00:10:01,950 --> 00:10:03,395
I don't know why you want to.

246
00:10:04,578 --> 00:10:06,465
I don't know if I told
you my nephew Marcus

247
00:10:06,466 --> 00:10:08,288
actually goes to San
Ramone middle school,

248
00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:10,058
and he's coming to see the show.

249
00:10:10,059 --> 00:10:12,577
- Marcus? Your nephew?
- Yeah, he's 14.

250
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,290
I actually thought he
didn't even like me,

251
00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:16,401
but then he texted me out
of nowhere and he said,

252
00:10:16,402 --> 00:10:17,189
"Can't wait to see you.

253
00:10:17,190 --> 00:10:18,885
"I've been looking forward
to this for so long.

254
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:21,133
You are the coolest
aunt in the world."

255
00:10:21,134 --> 00:10:22,858
I hope that I don't let him down.

256
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:25,184
- You'll be great.
- What does this symbol mean?

257
00:10:25,185 --> 00:10:26,714
It's a number eight,
an equal sign,

258
00:10:26,715 --> 00:10:28,024
and then a greater than symbol.

259
00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:29,165
Let me see.

260
00:10:29,574 --> 00:10:30,402
You'd better get changed.

261
00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:31,563
I'll hang onto your stuff for you.

262
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:32,530
Great.

263
00:10:35,123 --> 00:10:37,201
Abed, we screwed up.

264
00:10:37,202 --> 00:10:38,570
You know that text we sent?

265
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,221
It was to Britta's nephew.

266
00:10:40,369 --> 00:10:42,328
He sent her an emoti-penis.

267
00:10:42,329 --> 00:10:43,587
What are we gonna do?

268
00:10:47,825 --> 00:10:48,935
Fine. Screw you, Abed.

269
00:10:48,936 --> 00:10:50,221
I can fix this.

270
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,405
"Marcus, I made a mistake.

271
00:10:52,406 --> 00:10:54,643
I texted the wrong
person last night."

272
00:10:58,271 --> 00:11:00,511
"You called me by name.
It wasn't a mistake.

273
00:11:00,512 --> 00:11:01,821
Don't be afraid."

274
00:11:04,448 --> 00:11:05,644
Screw you, Abed.

275
00:11:05,645 --> 00:11:07,681
"I was drunk. We can't do this."

276
00:11:10,685 --> 00:11:13,217
"I'm drunk too. On lust."

277
00:11:13,544 --> 00:11:14,697
There's a picture.

278
00:11:14,876 --> 00:11:16,924
Oh! That's disappointing.

279
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:18,739
Wow, who does that? That's...

280
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:21,243
Bees, you're up.
Cool cats, your on deck.

281
00:11:21,911 --> 00:11:24,277
- Aren't drugs bad?
- No way.

282
00:11:24,278 --> 00:11:25,722
Drugs are like special honey.

283
00:11:25,723 --> 00:11:27,930
They give you a buzzzzzzz.

284
00:11:27,931 --> 00:11:30,422
Don't call me "honey," honey.

285
00:11:33,251 --> 00:11:34,824
Are you ignoring me
because I'm Korean?

286
00:11:34,825 --> 00:11:36,567
- You're Chinese.
- Oh, there's a difference?

287
00:11:36,568 --> 00:11:37,651
Shh!

288
00:11:38,396 --> 00:11:40,480
It's because you're crazy,
all right?

289
00:11:40,571 --> 00:11:41,681
There's something wrong with you.

290
00:11:41,682 --> 00:11:44,271
And the idea that I was with you

291
00:11:44,619 --> 00:11:46,367
means there's something
wrong with me,

292
00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:48,010
and if this baby...

293
00:11:48,982 --> 00:11:50,994
If you have any humanity at all,

294
00:11:50,995 --> 00:11:52,380
you will not make
me think about it.

295
00:11:52,381 --> 00:11:53,545
Shirley, funeral.

296
00:12:01,672 --> 00:12:03,230
Well, that answers my question.

297
00:12:03,231 --> 00:12:07,559
Jeff Winger is sexy
even in a coffin. Mmm!

298
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:14,677
I'm here.

299
00:12:14,678 --> 00:12:16,590
Pierce, you're
supposed to be onstage.

300
00:12:16,591 --> 00:12:18,380
I was looking for a lighter.

301
00:12:19,151 --> 00:12:21,103
What are you wearing?
This is a funeral.

302
00:12:21,104 --> 00:12:22,347
I got this, Annie.

303
00:12:23,093 --> 00:12:25,065
I can't believe Fluffy's dead.

304
00:12:25,066 --> 00:12:28,342
I know I'm green, but I feel blue.

305
00:12:31,673 --> 00:12:35,145
Look, it's Drugs with a
crazy wig and sparklers.

306
00:12:35,146 --> 00:12:37,781
♪ Pokemon ♪

307
00:12:39,074 --> 00:12:40,955
I don't think
that's right, Drugs.

308
00:12:40,956 --> 00:12:43,568
Nobody asked you, Crayon.

309
00:12:45,114 --> 00:12:46,233
Oh! Oh!

310
00:12:49,922 --> 00:12:51,682
Well, I hope you're
proud of yourself, Drugs.

311
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:52,898
Look what you've done.

312
00:12:52,907 --> 00:12:55,607
Oh, yeah? Well,
look what I'm doing now.

313
00:13:00,315 --> 00:13:02,847
Smells like something
died in here.

314
00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:06,623
What do you want us to do?

315
00:13:06,624 --> 00:13:07,407
Should we get the dean?

316
00:13:07,408 --> 00:13:08,894
Should we call in a bomb threat?

317
00:13:08,895 --> 00:13:10,247
Should we set off the sprinklers?

318
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:11,272
It's not that big a deal.

319
00:13:11,273 --> 00:13:12,399
I think the kids are into it.

320
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,791
Yeah, but I don't think that
they're getting the message.

321
00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:16,119
Yeah, but do kids
ever really seem

322
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,544
like they're getting the message?

323
00:13:17,545 --> 00:13:19,028
I think it's sinking in.

324
00:13:19,029 --> 00:13:20,336
Well, I guess it's your call.

325
00:13:20,337 --> 00:13:22,208
And anyway, he's about to
get flushed down the toilet

326
00:13:22,209 --> 00:13:24,278
in the next scene,
and he'll be done.

327
00:13:26,353 --> 00:13:28,975
I wish I had never
even met Drugs.

328
00:13:30,938 --> 00:13:33,165
Who invited the
nerd from the beehive?

329
00:13:34,186 --> 00:13:35,448
Drugs made you.

330
00:13:39,612 --> 00:13:41,616
How about you leave, Drugs?

331
00:13:42,861 --> 00:13:45,038
Zip, pop, zoom.

332
00:13:45,039 --> 00:13:47,086
Whoosh!

333
00:13:50,519 --> 00:13:51,720
They want more.

334
00:13:51,721 --> 00:13:52,934
I gotta go back out there.

335
00:13:52,935 --> 00:13:55,075
But Pierce, you were flushed.
That was the story.

336
00:13:55,076 --> 00:13:56,978
That's what's supposed
to happen to Drugs.

337
00:13:56,979 --> 00:13:58,802
Being flushed doesn't
necessarily mean you're dead.

338
00:13:58,803 --> 00:14:01,199
I mean, I could be a floater.

339
00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:03,765
You know, a floater is when
you have a number two...

340
00:14:03,766 --> 00:14:05,823
I know what a floater is,
Pierce.

341
00:14:05,824 --> 00:14:07,462
It just... it wouldn't
make any sense

342
00:14:07,463 --> 00:14:10,574
in the flow of the show,
and it sends a mixed message.

343
00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:12,156
You know what I think
is a mixed message?

344
00:14:12,157 --> 00:14:14,763
Yesterday you couldn't pay your rent,
and today you can.

345
00:14:15,629 --> 00:14:18,068
Come on, Annie.
You and I are alike.

346
00:14:18,069 --> 00:14:20,713
We're independent.
We need each other.

347
00:14:22,123 --> 00:14:25,146
♪ yi yi yi yi yi

348
00:14:25,147 --> 00:14:27,895
Bzzz! Getting rid of
Drugs is a great I-bee-a.

349
00:14:28,386 --> 00:14:30,474
I'm flying higher
than I ever have,

350
00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:32,391
thanks to not Drugs.

351
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,604
- Hey!
- Hey!

352
00:14:37,405 --> 00:14:38,398
Ow! Hey!

353
00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:41,387
I'm back!

354
00:14:43,768 --> 00:14:47,340
Ain't no party without Drugs!

355
00:14:57,725 --> 00:14:59,529
I love you, Drugs!

356
00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:08,064
We want Drugs! We want Drugs!

357
00:15:08,065 --> 00:15:10,993
Listen to that!
They're high on me!

358
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,279
I'm a God!

359
00:15:13,978 --> 00:15:16,100
Where is that Nigel now?

360
00:15:16,385 --> 00:15:18,701
And I haven't even used
my penis material yet.

361
00:15:18,702 --> 00:15:20,015
Pierce, enough!

362
00:15:20,016 --> 00:15:22,046
After intermission, I'm going
back to the original script

363
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,600
and doing some damage control.

364
00:15:23,601 --> 00:15:24,520
Damage?

365
00:15:24,521 --> 00:15:25,678
The only damage is me

366
00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:27,643
blowing the roof off the universe.

367
00:15:27,644 --> 00:15:30,146
I am not letting you
go back on that stage!

368
00:15:30,147 --> 00:15:31,787
Well, maybe I won't
be visiting you

369
00:15:31,788 --> 00:15:35,136
late at night anymore
with a generous spirit.

370
00:15:37,564 --> 00:15:42,155
You sick, sick, sad old man.

371
00:15:42,156 --> 00:15:44,011
This is why I didn't want to
take money from my parents.

372
00:15:44,012 --> 00:15:45,762
I don't want anybody
pulling my strings.

373
00:15:45,763 --> 00:15:48,278
Wait, wait.
Is he giving you money?

374
00:15:48,279 --> 00:15:49,427
Not anymore.

375
00:15:49,428 --> 00:15:50,403
That's why the
script got changed.

376
00:15:50,404 --> 00:15:52,841
Pierce bought his way in.
Annie sold out her message.

377
00:15:52,976 --> 00:15:55,102
You've been
indulging this maniac?

378
00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:59,650
Yes. I've been
indulging this maniac.

379
00:16:01,229 --> 00:16:03,303
- You're fired. 
- Fired?

380
00:16:03,304 --> 00:16:04,871
Next time I'm at Dildopolis,

381
00:16:04,872 --> 00:16:07,173
I will not be coming
upstairs to say hi.

382
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:10,672
We want Drugs! We want Drugs!

383
00:16:10,673 --> 00:16:12,407
The only reason we
did this was for you

384
00:16:12,408 --> 00:16:13,759
and your stupid ideals,

385
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,630
and it turns out you
don't even have any.

386
00:16:15,631 --> 00:16:17,098
We supported you, Annie.

387
00:16:17,099 --> 00:16:19,024
Yeah, Annie, you're fired.

388
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:20,935
I'm sorry!

389
00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:23,446
Here's the situation.

390
00:16:23,447 --> 00:16:25,975
We've got 50 at-risk preteens,

391
00:16:25,976 --> 00:16:28,599
armed with baseballs,
chanting for Drugs,

392
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:29,498
who just spent intermission

393
00:16:29,499 --> 00:16:32,209
eating nothing but
Charleston Chews, thank God.

394
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,775
Hope you can top act one,
is all I'm saying.

395
00:16:35,019 --> 00:16:36,951
Oh! Whoops.

396
00:16:38,021 --> 00:16:39,462
We want Drugs!

397
00:16:39,463 --> 00:16:41,412
- Should we bail?
- Works for me.

398
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:42,159
Wait!

399
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,112
We want Drugs!

400
00:16:44,884 --> 00:16:46,313
Listen to those kids.

401
00:16:46,743 --> 00:16:49,220
We just created 50
potential meth heads,

402
00:16:49,221 --> 00:16:51,278
and the least we can do
is hit the reset button

403
00:16:51,279 --> 00:16:53,751
and get that number down
to the national average.

404
00:16:53,752 --> 00:16:54,955
That's a suicide mission.

405
00:16:54,956 --> 00:16:57,644
Did someone say crazy person?

406
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,412
No.

407
00:17:00,943 --> 00:17:02,303
Well, I heard it.

408
00:17:02,304 --> 00:17:05,830
We want Drugs! We want Drugs!

409
00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:08,492
Greetings, you little snots!

410
00:17:10,471 --> 00:17:11,649
You're not Drugs.

411
00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:13,524
Oh, but I am!

412
00:17:13,747 --> 00:17:15,685
Disappointed?

413
00:17:16,114 --> 00:17:19,708
Did you expect me to
stay the same forever?

414
00:17:19,709 --> 00:17:22,522
'Cause that's not
what drug does, baby.

415
00:17:23,002 --> 00:17:26,379
I'm gonna deep-fry your dog
and eat your mama's face

416
00:17:26,535 --> 00:17:30,369
and I'm gonna wear your little
brother's skin like pajamas.

417
00:17:30,498 --> 00:17:32,831
I control your lives

418
00:17:32,832 --> 00:17:36,002
and there is nothing you can do!

419
00:17:36,686 --> 00:17:37,826
Let's kill him!

420
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:39,839
Oh, bring it on, bow-wow.

421
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,716
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my!

422
00:17:41,889 --> 00:17:43,013
Aah! Aah!

423
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:46,827
Is that all you've got?

424
00:17:47,415 --> 00:17:48,388
I gotta tell you, Annie,

425
00:17:48,389 --> 00:17:50,700
this is the greatest
chemical dependency program

426
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:52,301
I have ever watched.

427
00:17:52,461 --> 00:17:53,532
I mean, the way you got the kids

428
00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:55,557
to think that they needed Drugs,

429
00:17:55,558 --> 00:17:56,852
and then having them realize

430
00:17:56,853 --> 00:17:58,508
that dependence was the enemy,

431
00:17:58,509 --> 00:17:59,949
that the price was just too high.

432
00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:01,274
Oh, genius.

433
00:18:02,318 --> 00:18:03,895
So now that the show is over,

434
00:18:03,896 --> 00:18:06,618
what is the plan for
these bee costumes?

435
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,925
Aah! Aah! Uncle!

436
00:18:09,180 --> 00:18:11,184
Hi, Marcus. I'm Jeff.

437
00:18:11,185 --> 00:18:14,303
I'm like, uh, Britta's boyfriend.

438
00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:15,772
Look, dude,
she started it, okay?

439
00:18:15,773 --> 00:18:17,396
- She's just as into me.
- No, listen, listen.

440
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:18,253
I'm not mad.

441
00:18:18,254 --> 00:18:19,404
I was just fooling around,

442
00:18:19,405 --> 00:18:21,048
and I sent those texts.

443
00:18:21,902 --> 00:18:22,643
- Gross.
- Yeah.

444
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:23,754
Well, it was pretty disgusting,

445
00:18:23,755 --> 00:18:25,543
sending those
pictures to your aunt.

446
00:18:25,544 --> 00:18:27,002
More disgusting
than what you texted

447
00:18:27,003 --> 00:18:28,169
to an underage boy?

448
00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:29,656
Yeah, well,
I didn't know you were you.

449
00:18:29,657 --> 00:18:31,168
And I didn't know
you weren't my aunt.

450
00:18:31,169 --> 00:18:31,699
Okay, all right,

451
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,575
let's just call this a draw.

452
00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:35,723
Britta doesn't need to
ever know about this.

453
00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:38,720
Okay, I'd be happy to,
for a price.

454
00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:42,223
That was brave of you.

455
00:18:42,906 --> 00:18:44,865
I owe you an apology.

456
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,103
It was rude to call you crazy.

457
00:18:47,587 --> 00:18:49,607
Maybe I haven't been
giving you enough credit.

458
00:18:50,452 --> 00:18:53,154
Oh, that's really sweet.
Tell you what.

459
00:18:53,155 --> 00:18:56,616
Why don't I go get Chang?
You can tell him that yourself.

460
00:18:59,451 --> 00:19:01,476
- Oh, no.
- My God, that was amazing!

461
00:19:01,624 --> 00:19:03,193
- Wow!
- Good job!

462
00:19:03,194 --> 00:19:05,159
- Thanks!
- Amazing!

463
00:19:05,251 --> 00:19:07,092
Way to go, man,
go! That was awesome.

464
00:19:07,093 --> 00:19:08,930
They beat the crap out of you.

465
00:19:09,894 --> 00:19:10,908
It's okay.
I did a lot of ad-libbing.

466
00:19:10,909 --> 00:19:14,070
Guys, I'm so sorry.

467
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:16,426
Thank you so much.
That was amazing.

468
00:19:16,615 --> 00:19:17,777
Even I learned something.

469
00:19:17,778 --> 00:19:20,165
- Oh, Annie.
- We did it.

470
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:22,532
- Group hug, group hug.
- Hug, hug.

471
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,573
- Way to save the day.
- Nice work.

472
00:19:25,857 --> 00:19:28,243
Did you get hit in the
face with a baseball?

473
00:19:28,244 --> 00:19:28,906
Yep.

474
00:19:28,907 --> 00:19:30,457
Annie, before you say anything,

475
00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:31,912
I just want you to know,

476
00:19:32,028 --> 00:19:33,402
even though I did nothing wrong,

477
00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:34,308
I'm still gonna give you money.

478
00:19:34,309 --> 00:19:36,663
No. I can't take
your money, Pierce.

479
00:19:36,664 --> 00:19:38,572
I can't go from
depending on my parents

480
00:19:38,573 --> 00:19:39,878
to depending on you,

481
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:42,447
which is why I'm gonna get a job.

482
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,254
So you're cutting me off?

483
00:19:44,387 --> 00:19:45,195
No.

484
00:19:45,196 --> 00:19:48,148
Pierce, I know you
don't depend on anyone,

485
00:19:48,149 --> 00:19:50,650
but you do depend on
people depending on you,

486
00:19:51,122 --> 00:19:52,613
so I'm not gonna take your money.

487
00:19:53,162 --> 00:19:54,337
We're still friends?

488
00:19:54,338 --> 00:19:55,495
Give me a day.

489
00:19:56,393 --> 00:19:57,404
By the way,

490
00:19:57,616 --> 00:19:59,773
your mom was the
Period Fairy, right?

491
00:20:00,593 --> 00:20:01,920
Hey, guys, I found my phone,

492
00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:03,804
but has anyone seen my bra?

493
00:20:11,105 --> 00:20:12,397
It's 2:00 A.M.

494
00:20:12,398 --> 00:20:15,776
Time for Dildopolis's
night-owl deals.

495
00:20:16,231 --> 00:20:17,328
Please be advised,

496
00:20:17,329 --> 00:20:19,591
we will be closed
for President's Day.

497
00:20:19,592 --> 00:20:20,530
Just kidding.

498
00:20:20,531 --> 00:20:22,486
Dildopolis never closes.

499
00:20:23,107 --> 00:20:26,672
At Dildopolis, your privacy
is our top concern.

500
00:20:26,673 --> 00:20:29,096
All store purchases will
show up on your credit card

501
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:32,202
as ABC Dildos, incorporated.

502
00:20:32,521 --> 00:20:33,877
Shop until you drop.

503
00:20:33,878 --> 00:20:36,024
Take a load off at
our in-store cafe

504
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:37,153
and enjoy an espresso

505
00:20:37,154 --> 00:20:40,927
or our signature
cinnamon biscotti.

506
00:20:41,127 --> 00:20:51,327
Sync by YYeTs.net
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