1 00:00:08,522 --> 00:00:10,831 Why does being a librarian make her even hotter? 2 00:00:10,832 --> 00:00:11,968 They're keepers of knowledge. 3 00:00:11,969 --> 00:00:13,643 She holds the answers to all of our questions, 4 00:00:13,644 --> 00:00:14,276 like, "will you marry me," 5 00:00:14,277 --> 00:00:16,282 and "why are there still libraries." 6 00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,714 I wanna be a book. She can pick me up. 7 00:00:18,715 --> 00:00:19,852 Flip through my pages. 8 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,969 Make sure nobody drew wieners in me. 9 00:00:23,086 --> 00:00:24,863 Hey, maybe if we're too loud, she'll shush us. 10 00:00:24,864 --> 00:00:25,675 Okay. 11 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,085 Books! 12 00:00:27,591 --> 00:00:28,938 Pretend like you're asleep. 13 00:00:32,865 --> 00:00:33,699 Jeff. 14 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,112 What do you do when you and your best friend 15 00:00:35,113 --> 00:00:36,834 wanna ask the same girl to the Valentine's dance, 16 00:00:36,835 --> 00:00:37,987 but neither of you have dibs 17 00:00:37,988 --> 00:00:39,686 because you both fell in love with her at first sight? 18 00:00:39,687 --> 00:00:42,074 Well, I don't believe in dibs or love at first sight 19 00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:44,916 or love or best friends or doing things. 20 00:00:44,917 --> 00:00:46,052 But it's good you brought this to me. 21 00:00:46,053 --> 00:00:47,371 You're gonna have to open your heart one day, Jeff. 22 00:00:47,372 --> 00:00:48,180 What happens if I don't? 23 00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:49,799 I miss the heart opening deadline? 24 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,772 Valentine's Crapentine's. 25 00:00:52,745 --> 00:00:54,396 Opening my heart is on my list. 26 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:56,750 Pierce? 27 00:00:56,751 --> 00:00:58,306 - Mm-hmm. - What was that? 28 00:00:58,447 --> 00:01:00,292 - Gum. - Why aren't you chewing? 29 00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:03,506 Because I'm using my mouth for this dumb conversation. 30 00:01:07,674 --> 00:01:08,642 Bye. 31 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,410 That's my friend page. She's cool, but...Whatever. 32 00:01:12,535 --> 00:01:14,719 - She's cute. - Oh, Troy. 33 00:01:14,878 --> 00:01:16,359 Before you go barking up that tree, 34 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,764 I have to tell you that she might not be interested. 35 00:01:18,765 --> 00:01:20,314 Why wouldn't she be... 36 00:01:20,635 --> 00:01:22,837 Oh! Is she... 37 00:01:23,722 --> 00:01:24,856 A friend of Ellen? 38 00:01:24,857 --> 00:01:27,095 Yes, Annie. But you can say the word. 39 00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:29,899 Page is a...Lesbian. 40 00:01:35,169 --> 00:01:37,569 Pierce, as someone who's been calling me a lesbian 41 00:01:37,570 --> 00:01:38,819 for the last year and a half, 42 00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:40,790 I'm sure that you don't have anything to say 43 00:01:40,791 --> 00:01:42,693 about me being friends with one. 44 00:01:43,034 --> 00:01:44,396 Nothing off the cuff. 45 00:01:44,721 --> 00:01:47,245 What I do have is a prepared statement. 46 00:01:47,445 --> 00:01:57,645 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by Addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 47 00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:02,030 ♪ Give me some rope, time in a tree 48 00:02:02,031 --> 00:02:05,237 give me the hope to run out of steam 49 00:02:05,238 --> 00:02:08,461 somebody said we could be here 50 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:12,662 we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year 51 00:02:12,663 --> 00:02:17,106 I can't count the reasons I should stay 52 00:02:17,647 --> 00:02:21,939 one by one they all just fade away 53 00:02:24,847 --> 00:02:27,057 "And in summation, 54 00:02:27,058 --> 00:02:28,142 "good luck... 55 00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:30,663 And bon appetit." 56 00:02:34,733 --> 00:02:36,410 Many, many paragraphs of that 57 00:02:36,411 --> 00:02:37,979 were oddly supportive. 58 00:02:37,980 --> 00:02:40,488 Wait till you hear the one I have for you. 59 00:02:43,362 --> 00:02:45,329 Okay. I know that wasn't gum. 60 00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:48,395 You're right. It was an awesome exit pill. 61 00:02:48,396 --> 00:02:50,626 Zip! Zop! Zooey! 62 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:52,842 Bye! 63 00:03:02,373 --> 00:03:04,198 We gotta do something about Pierce and those pain killers. 64 00:03:04,199 --> 00:03:06,000 He's recovering 65 00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:08,221 dude can moonwalk! 66 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,168 Now, I'm sure he's almost through his prescription. 67 00:03:10,169 --> 00:03:11,540 Besides, he's a baby boom. 68 00:03:11,541 --> 00:03:12,577 They invented drugs. 69 00:03:12,578 --> 00:03:14,434 Yeah, they also invented TV. 70 00:03:14,435 --> 00:03:16,170 Have you seen him control one of those? 71 00:03:16,171 --> 00:03:18,135 Intervention. Intervention, intervention. 72 00:03:18,136 --> 00:03:19,793 - Count me out. - We can't count you out. 73 00:03:19,794 --> 00:03:20,468 He listens to you. 74 00:03:20,469 --> 00:03:22,385 Well, he also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. 75 00:03:22,386 --> 00:03:24,398 Go get their dumb asses to help you. 76 00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:26,189 - Back it up! - Okay, Jeff. 77 00:03:26,190 --> 00:03:28,514 You are clearly in a bad space today. 78 00:03:28,515 --> 00:03:30,454 But Pierce is our friend, 79 00:03:30,455 --> 00:03:33,464 and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum... Are you? 80 00:03:33,465 --> 00:03:35,888 Why does everyone leap to defend that band 81 00:03:35,889 --> 00:03:37,327 so aggressively? 82 00:03:37,328 --> 00:03:39,303 And how much stuff do we have to go through this year 83 00:03:39,304 --> 00:03:40,867 before my friendship stops being questioned? 84 00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:42,037 Well, maybe friendship 85 00:03:42,038 --> 00:03:44,314 is about going through a lot of stuff, Jeff. 86 00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:47,267 And maybe BNL has two Billboard awards to your zero. 87 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,675 Oh, okay. They're... they're BNL now. 88 00:03:49,676 --> 00:03:52,036 We use shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. 89 00:03:52,037 --> 00:03:53,585 That's how fundamental they are. 90 00:03:53,586 --> 00:03:54,617 - Yeah. - Yeah! 91 00:03:54,618 --> 00:03:57,243 You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? 92 00:03:57,244 --> 00:03:59,933 Some space. Maybe I do too. 93 00:03:59,934 --> 00:04:02,168 You know what? Maybe we all need some space 94 00:04:02,169 --> 00:04:03,457 to pull the knife out of the back 95 00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:05,537 of the most celebrated Canadian alt rock band 96 00:04:05,538 --> 00:04:08,122 of the mid-nineties, you selfish, jaded ass! 97 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:10,513 This...is a fight! 98 00:04:10,514 --> 00:04:12,461 We...are fighting! 99 00:04:14,634 --> 00:04:16,062 Jeff. Hello! 100 00:04:16,094 --> 00:04:17,739 I hear you're fighting with your study group. 101 00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:19,427 - Correct. - Now, you won't know this, 102 00:04:19,428 --> 00:04:22,330 being American, but tonight Liverpool are playing... 103 00:04:22,331 --> 00:04:23,674 Manchester United. 104 00:04:23,675 --> 00:04:26,034 I am a stylish American, professor. 105 00:04:26,035 --> 00:04:28,264 I've been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004. 106 00:04:28,265 --> 00:04:29,889 Ah! Then it's destiny. 107 00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:33,199 God gave you a British friend and a massive TV for a reason. 108 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,998 Oh, it's Valentine's Day, and even though we're fighting, 109 00:04:35,999 --> 00:04:38,158 I did promise the study group I'd go to the dance... 110 00:04:38,159 --> 00:04:40,009 You promised the study group? Whip, crack! 111 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,774 I'll see you at precisely 6:30, 112 00:04:41,775 --> 00:04:44,497 or as the English call it, gravedigger's biscuits. 113 00:04:44,498 --> 00:04:45,389 Okay? 114 00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:56,622 That moonwalk back there was streets ahead, buddy. 115 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,968 Hey, thanks, buddy. 116 00:04:58,263 --> 00:05:00,738 - Hey, Pierce! - Hey, it's you! 117 00:05:00,894 --> 00:05:04,368 Yeah. The tiny man you see when you take enough pills. 118 00:05:04,463 --> 00:05:06,505 We have a good time, don't we, Pierce? 119 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,736 - I ain't hurtin'. - And you wanna keep this going, 120 00:05:08,737 --> 00:05:10,829 right, 'cause... I'm sure you've noticed 121 00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:12,780 the prescription is almost done. 122 00:05:12,781 --> 00:05:15,057 Ah. Ha. I don't think the doctor... 123 00:05:15,058 --> 00:05:16,789 Doctor, you know, I know he won't... 124 00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:18,981 Pierce, if doctors are so smart, 125 00:05:18,982 --> 00:05:20,829 why are there millions of 'em? 126 00:05:22,218 --> 00:05:23,461 Look in your hand. 127 00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:28,654 It's Valentine's, buddy. 128 00:05:29,657 --> 00:05:30,676 Be mine. 129 00:05:35,241 --> 00:05:36,573 Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir. 130 00:05:36,574 --> 00:05:39,075 - My associate Troy Barnes. - Charmed, I'm sure. 131 00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:40,486 Are you the guys that keep staring at me 132 00:05:40,487 --> 00:05:42,008 and intermittently yelling out, "books"? 133 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,853 The very same. We are both interested 134 00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:45,254 in taking you to the Valentine's dance, 135 00:05:45,255 --> 00:05:46,981 but we are also best friends with each other. 136 00:05:46,982 --> 00:05:49,085 It is of utmost importance we protect that friendship 137 00:05:49,086 --> 00:05:50,396 from the stresses of courting you, 138 00:05:50,397 --> 00:05:51,538 so we're trying to be as direct 139 00:05:51,539 --> 00:05:52,873 and aboveboard about this as possible. 140 00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,276 Will you go to the dance with one of us, 141 00:05:54,277 --> 00:05:56,085 and if so, which one? 142 00:05:56,978 --> 00:05:58,788 We need to get something straight first. 143 00:05:59,145 --> 00:06:01,362 This is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. 144 00:06:01,906 --> 00:06:04,825 But...I don't know either one of you. 145 00:06:04,826 --> 00:06:05,933 Give us a moment. 146 00:06:08,026 --> 00:06:09,734 Dude, I need to eat those tacos. 147 00:06:10,576 --> 00:06:12,078 New proposal: Get to know us at the dance 148 00:06:12,079 --> 00:06:14,293 and decide there which of us you'd like to see again. 149 00:06:15,205 --> 00:06:16,418 Okay. Deal. 150 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:17,378 Nice. 151 00:06:18,322 --> 00:06:19,542 What's in the briefcase? 152 00:06:19,937 --> 00:06:21,569 Oh. Tacos. 153 00:06:22,606 --> 00:06:23,665 You want one? 154 00:06:23,962 --> 00:06:24,414 No. 155 00:06:24,415 --> 00:06:26,480 Great. We really wanted them. 156 00:06:26,481 --> 00:06:27,863 Yeah. We're gonna eat them. 157 00:06:28,636 --> 00:06:31,712 So like...Would you change clothes in front of her? 158 00:06:31,889 --> 00:06:34,193 Annie, I know your lack of world experience 159 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,473 creates curiosity, but questions like that 160 00:06:36,474 --> 00:06:38,448 can make you seem a little bit homophobic. 161 00:06:38,449 --> 00:06:40,032 It's homophobic to ask questions? 162 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,721 If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, 163 00:06:42,722 --> 00:06:45,021 haven't you already answered your own question? 164 00:06:45,785 --> 00:06:46,389 Have I? 165 00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,728 Don't know. Not a homophobe. 166 00:06:50,518 --> 00:06:52,471 Oh. There's Page. 167 00:06:52,472 --> 00:06:55,837 Should I ask her 500 questions about being a lesbian? 168 00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:58,052 Or should I just treat her like a normal person? 169 00:06:58,053 --> 00:07:00,414 That's a question you can ask. 170 00:07:06,491 --> 00:07:08,096 - Hey. - Hi. 171 00:07:09,955 --> 00:07:12,021 - I'm not a lesbian. - Oh! 172 00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:14,052 - I'm not either. - Oh. 173 00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:16,393 But it's cool that you're friends with one. 174 00:07:16,514 --> 00:07:17,505 Oh. 175 00:07:17,890 --> 00:07:19,168 Page isn't a lesbian. 176 00:07:19,169 --> 00:07:20,559 She just likes hanging out with Britta, 177 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,114 because it makes her feel cool to have a lesbian friend. 178 00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:27,022 But...Britta's not a lesbian. She thinks that Page is. 179 00:07:32,104 --> 00:07:33,492 Guess what, Annie. 180 00:07:33,512 --> 00:07:36,078 Page and I are going to the dance together. 181 00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:38,529 Hope I stay straight, right? 182 00:07:39,987 --> 00:07:41,887 Oh, sorry. My friend's a tad homophobic, 183 00:07:41,888 --> 00:07:43,429 so I was doing a bit. 184 00:07:51,321 --> 00:07:52,864 Pretty exciting first half. 185 00:07:52,865 --> 00:07:55,119 Yeah, 0-0. Electrifying. 186 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,662 Aw. Worried that your six-headed ball and chain 187 00:07:57,663 --> 00:07:59,070 will be calling? 188 00:07:59,071 --> 00:08:00,083 Fine. 189 00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,786 That's better, you big slut. 190 00:08:13,086 --> 00:08:14,216 It's Chang! 191 00:08:14,217 --> 00:08:15,432 Chang? Why? 192 00:08:15,433 --> 00:08:16,230 I don't know! 193 00:08:16,231 --> 00:08:18,085 I can hear you guys. 194 00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:19,334 What are you doing here, Chang, 195 00:08:19,335 --> 00:08:20,714 and how do you know where I live? 196 00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:22,234 I can answer both of those questions 197 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,464 by returning your driver's license. 198 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,656 Ha! 199 00:08:29,657 --> 00:08:30,704 There it is! 200 00:08:30,705 --> 00:08:32,543 Man U. versus Liverpool! 201 00:08:32,544 --> 00:08:33,851 For God's sake, just let him in. 202 00:08:33,852 --> 00:08:36,500 He's wearing the right colors and everything. 203 00:08:36,867 --> 00:08:38,804 - Come in. - Don't mind if I Chang! 204 00:08:38,915 --> 00:08:41,408 Heh heh. Hey, man, check this out. 205 00:08:41,409 --> 00:08:42,475 Ya-haa! 206 00:08:43,937 --> 00:08:46,027 Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! 207 00:08:53,843 --> 00:08:55,581 Anyway, the thing I was going to show you guys 208 00:08:55,582 --> 00:08:56,409 is pretty cool. 209 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,306 I'm ignoring you and watching soccer. 210 00:08:58,307 --> 00:08:59,824 Just sit down, Chang. 211 00:08:59,825 --> 00:09:02,229 There's space for three fannies on this sofa. 212 00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:04,698 Hey. In England, fanny means vagina, right? 213 00:09:04,699 --> 00:09:07,119 In England, everything means vagina. 214 00:09:09,042 --> 00:09:10,342 I'm gonna make it up to you, Winger. 215 00:09:10,343 --> 00:09:13,572 Even though, like I said, weird place to put a lamp. 216 00:09:13,775 --> 00:09:16,950 - But let me order a pizza. - Ooh, I love pizza! 217 00:09:16,951 --> 00:09:19,376 In england we call them Italian fannies. 218 00:09:19,377 --> 00:09:20,581 I'm hookin' us up! 219 00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:22,855 - Cellie... - Ah. Go use the landline. 220 00:09:22,856 --> 00:09:25,885 Landline? Okay, grandma Bell. 221 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,822 Star-burns, it's Chang. 222 00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,639 Remember that pizza you owe me? 223 00:09:33,194 --> 00:09:34,828 Well, it's time to pay up. 224 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:37,837 Party at Winger's. Tonight. 225 00:09:39,103 --> 00:09:40,500 Yeah, you can tell people. 226 00:09:40,732 --> 00:09:41,995 Cool. Cool. 227 00:09:43,138 --> 00:09:44,770 Hey, uh, wingding at Winger's. 228 00:09:46,072 --> 00:09:47,350 So Mariah, what you get with me 229 00:09:47,351 --> 00:09:48,736 is the complete package... 230 00:09:48,737 --> 00:09:51,152 HBO, Showtime, Starz, Starz black. 231 00:09:51,153 --> 00:09:52,313 Sounds expensive. 232 00:09:52,314 --> 00:09:53,711 With all due respect to my friend here, 233 00:09:53,712 --> 00:09:54,644 if you go with me, 234 00:09:54,645 --> 00:09:56,299 you can expect this on the dance floor. 235 00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:03,233 Go, go, go, go, go. 236 00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:05,519 Go, go, go, go, go! 237 00:10:09,099 --> 00:10:10,880 I feel like everyone's staring. 238 00:10:10,935 --> 00:10:11,704 Not that I care. 239 00:10:11,705 --> 00:10:13,761 Well, of course they're staring. 240 00:10:13,762 --> 00:10:14,720 They've probably never seen 241 00:10:14,721 --> 00:10:17,896 a straight girl and a lesbian so comfortable together. 242 00:10:17,897 --> 00:10:19,177 Exactly. 243 00:10:20,657 --> 00:10:22,142 Those two were talking about us. 244 00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:25,046 Well, let's give them something to really talk about. 245 00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:27,958 - Let's do it. - Okay. 246 00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:32,566 - 'Scuse us. - Hi. 247 00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:33,603 Hi. Sorry. 248 00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:44,924 Cool music, huh? 249 00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:51,266 Oh, nice call, ref! 250 00:10:51,267 --> 00:10:52,578 Bite my banger! 251 00:10:52,579 --> 00:10:55,607 Jeff, something's up with your toothbrush, man. 252 00:10:55,608 --> 00:10:57,744 - What the hell? - I had to get cleaned up. 253 00:10:57,745 --> 00:10:58,780 Why? 254 00:11:00,662 --> 00:11:02,239 Oh, yeah! 255 00:11:03,308 --> 00:11:04,548 Pizza time! 256 00:11:04,549 --> 00:11:06,776 - Leonard? - Where are the white women at? 257 00:11:06,777 --> 00:11:08,511 No. There are no white women here, Leonard. 258 00:11:08,512 --> 00:11:09,961 This is not a party! 259 00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:11,905 Don't tell that to Magnitude. 260 00:11:11,906 --> 00:11:13,133 Who's Magnitude? 261 00:11:13,134 --> 00:11:14,946 Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! 262 00:11:14,947 --> 00:11:15,990 Pop, pop! 263 00:11:15,991 --> 00:11:17,274 Pop, pop! 264 00:11:17,797 --> 00:11:18,882 Bam! 265 00:11:19,102 --> 00:11:20,142 Bam! 266 00:11:20,143 --> 00:11:22,051 Come on in. What's up, what's up? 267 00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:24,572 What's up? Looking good, looking good. 268 00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:27,619 That's my analysis of the Saw movie franchise. 269 00:11:28,295 --> 00:11:29,186 That about does it, 270 00:11:29,187 --> 00:11:31,030 so I think it's time for you to choose. 271 00:11:35,008 --> 00:11:36,823 Abed, could you get us some punch? 272 00:11:36,824 --> 00:11:37,796 On it. 273 00:11:40,009 --> 00:11:41,708 You guys are really cute together. 274 00:11:42,616 --> 00:11:43,120 Thank you. 275 00:11:43,121 --> 00:11:45,578 But you know, having to... 276 00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:47,066 Actually choose, I... 277 00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:49,180 Hey. We both agreed to this. 278 00:11:49,181 --> 00:11:50,775 We're both very comfortable with each other, 279 00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,713 - so I won't be... - No. I choose you, Troy. 280 00:11:54,927 --> 00:11:55,829 Punch. 281 00:11:56,905 --> 00:11:58,544 - Hey, Abed. - Hey. 282 00:11:58,689 --> 00:11:59,716 I, um... 283 00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:02,436 She...Just... She chose me. 284 00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:06,172 Cool. You can have this then. 285 00:12:06,376 --> 00:12:08,190 Thank you, Mariah. Have a great night. 286 00:12:16,286 --> 00:12:17,346 That's great! 287 00:12:17,669 --> 00:12:18,612 Pierce? 288 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,282 You go straight to hell! 289 00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:21,649 Wh... 290 00:12:22,684 --> 00:12:23,559 Ha... 291 00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:24,635 Oh, I'm sorry, Annie. 292 00:12:24,636 --> 00:12:26,495 I...I've been... I don't know. 293 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,879 I've been going through all these mood swings lately. 294 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,926 You understand we care about you, right? 295 00:12:31,787 --> 00:12:32,688 Okay? 296 00:12:33,346 --> 00:12:34,294 Okay. 297 00:12:36,481 --> 00:12:37,482 Well, look. 298 00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:38,706 Here's the deal. 299 00:12:38,707 --> 00:12:41,867 I am not sharing you with them. 300 00:12:41,868 --> 00:12:43,904 So before this goes further, 301 00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:46,799 you have a choice to make, my friend. 302 00:12:49,483 --> 00:12:52,120 Ha ha! Look at the lesbians. 303 00:12:55,499 --> 00:12:56,434 Lesbians! 304 00:12:56,435 --> 00:12:57,718 - Screw you! - Screw you! 305 00:13:02,563 --> 00:13:03,220 No, no. 306 00:13:03,221 --> 00:13:05,497 - I don't care what they say. - Oh, I don't either. 307 00:13:05,498 --> 00:13:07,539 I just wish it wasn't such an issue for them. 308 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,255 Yeah, but that starts with us. 309 00:13:10,809 --> 00:13:12,981 It starts...With us. 310 00:13:27,082 --> 00:13:29,213 - I've never done this before. - Me neither. 311 00:13:29,482 --> 00:13:30,769 Wait! What? 312 00:13:33,651 --> 00:13:34,653 So... 313 00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:37,550 Curious about one thing. 314 00:13:38,335 --> 00:13:39,874 What was wrong with Abed? 315 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,205 Well, I mean, he did talk about the Saw movies 316 00:13:42,206 --> 00:13:43,269 for two hours. 317 00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:45,309 Yeah, but there are eight of them, 318 00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:46,858 and they're two hours apiece, 319 00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,865 and the first one did redefine the genre, and... 320 00:13:48,866 --> 00:13:51,362 Troy, I would love to be his friend. 321 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:52,720 I know you would. It's incredible. 322 00:13:52,721 --> 00:13:54,822 But romantically, he's... 323 00:13:56,407 --> 00:13:58,003 You know. 324 00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:02,450 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! 325 00:14:04,075 --> 00:14:06,328 - What happened? - She called you weird! 326 00:14:06,714 --> 00:14:08,480 - I am weird. - Not as weird as her! 327 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,477 Who the hell is Nicholas Nickleby? 328 00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:12,474 She wouldn't shut up about it. 329 00:14:12,475 --> 00:14:13,680 Mm. I know. 330 00:14:16,059 --> 00:14:17,647 There's someone out there for us. 331 00:14:19,665 --> 00:14:20,929 Happy Valentine's Day. 332 00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:22,710 It is now. 333 00:14:31,395 --> 00:14:33,159 - Ignore her. - Okay. 334 00:14:36,868 --> 00:14:38,472 It's weird, but I've never heard of Magnitude 335 00:14:38,473 --> 00:14:39,680 before tonight. 336 00:14:39,681 --> 00:14:41,602 He's a one-man party! 337 00:14:41,863 --> 00:14:43,724 You're always busy with your study group. 338 00:14:43,725 --> 00:14:45,388 Well, he's not with them tonight. 339 00:14:45,389 --> 00:14:47,608 Oh, yeah! 340 00:14:47,836 --> 00:14:49,401 I thought you quit drinking, Duncan. 341 00:14:49,402 --> 00:14:50,879 False alarm on that one. 342 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,421 Oh, yeah! 343 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,882 Pop, pop! 344 00:14:53,883 --> 00:14:55,899 Ha ho! Pop, pop! 345 00:14:55,900 --> 00:15:00,750 - Pop pop pop pop pop pop! - Pop pop pop pop pop pop! 346 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,941 I never said I was a lesbian. 347 00:15:04,942 --> 00:15:06,673 Why didn't you just ask me? 348 00:15:06,674 --> 00:15:08,610 Oh, what am I, a homophobe? 349 00:15:08,611 --> 00:15:10,360 I don't care about people's preferences. 350 00:15:10,361 --> 00:15:11,549 You so care. 351 00:15:11,550 --> 00:15:13,429 You are clearly just hanging out with me 352 00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:14,881 because you thought I was gay. 353 00:15:14,882 --> 00:15:17,149 So? What were you doing with me? 354 00:15:17,945 --> 00:15:19,354 Hey, what does it matter, you know? 355 00:15:19,355 --> 00:15:20,507 We're both just humans 356 00:15:20,508 --> 00:15:22,839 trying to make our way through this crazy world. 357 00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:24,394 You're the worst! 358 00:15:24,395 --> 00:15:26,201 - What? - And for the record, 359 00:15:26,202 --> 00:15:27,682 I never thought you were cool. 360 00:15:27,683 --> 00:15:29,757 I only thought you were a lesbian. 361 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,560 Page is straight. 362 00:15:40,924 --> 00:15:41,895 Really? 363 00:15:43,256 --> 00:15:44,239 Well... 364 00:15:44,627 --> 00:15:45,814 When she was gay 365 00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:48,784 I thought it was really cool of you to make out with her. 366 00:15:49,659 --> 00:15:51,038 Thanks, Annie. 367 00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:54,362 Kiss! 368 00:15:56,293 --> 00:15:57,249 Annie! 369 00:16:03,148 --> 00:16:05,085 Oh, thanks, man. Just leave those. 370 00:16:05,086 --> 00:16:07,410 - I'll get them in the morning. - It's okay. 371 00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:10,927 Are you wearing my underwear? 372 00:16:11,198 --> 00:16:13,841 Oh. I just needed a pair while I did some laundry here. 373 00:16:14,085 --> 00:16:15,528 I don't have a washing machine. 374 00:16:17,885 --> 00:16:19,041 What the hell? 375 00:16:19,075 --> 00:16:21,270 Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't get mad, don't get mad! 376 00:16:23,224 --> 00:16:25,275 I'm homeless, Jeff, okay? 377 00:16:25,392 --> 00:16:26,831 When my wife found out about Shirley and me, 378 00:16:26,832 --> 00:16:28,998 she kicked me out... For good this time! 379 00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:32,164 My whole life is in this dishwasher, man! 380 00:16:32,642 --> 00:16:35,042 Well, some of it's also soaking in your bathtub. 381 00:16:37,118 --> 00:16:37,569 Oh... 382 00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,436 So wasted and sleepy. 383 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,857 I could probably just crash here and, you know, 384 00:16:41,858 --> 00:16:44,302 I can start looking for a place in the morning. 385 00:16:46,016 --> 00:16:48,873 What... You orchestrated this entire party 386 00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:51,055 just so you could weasel your way into staying here! 387 00:16:51,056 --> 00:16:52,237 You weren't even going to notice. 388 00:16:52,238 --> 00:16:53,733 Hey, Jeff, don't kill the messenger, 389 00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:56,731 but you have four hermit crabs in your bathroom sink. 390 00:16:57,388 --> 00:16:59,637 You'll fall in love with them. I named one Jeff. 391 00:16:59,638 --> 00:17:01,570 How long did you actually think you were gonna stay here? 392 00:17:01,571 --> 00:17:04,679 Just a month. Three...Tops. 393 00:17:04,892 --> 00:17:07,088 I mean... how long is your lease? 394 00:17:16,331 --> 00:17:17,959 Way to go, idiots! 395 00:17:21,930 --> 00:17:23,993 All right, everybody out. 396 00:17:23,994 --> 00:17:25,111 I'm not kidding. 397 00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,001 It's been very interesting 398 00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:30,379 getting to know you all much, much better. 399 00:17:30,610 --> 00:17:33,067 Star-burns, Leonard, Magnitude. 400 00:17:33,068 --> 00:17:34,111 Pop, pop 401 00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:37,887 swizzle, scandalous, C Dubb, Tim. 402 00:17:37,954 --> 00:17:39,916 Mighty D. Glisten. 403 00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:41,592 Good night, everyone. Faster. Move it. 404 00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:42,557 Thank you. 405 00:17:43,472 --> 00:17:44,429 Well... 406 00:17:44,641 --> 00:17:46,653 I hope you found tonight therapeutic, 407 00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:49,458 because I would love to pretend that that was my plan. 408 00:17:50,396 --> 00:17:51,364 Well, I actually started to have fun 409 00:17:51,365 --> 00:17:53,687 until that maniac tried to move in. 410 00:17:53,885 --> 00:17:57,065 What is it about me that makes broken people flock to me? 411 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,393 Is it my height? 412 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,151 Do huddled masses mistake me for the Statue of Liberty? 413 00:18:01,152 --> 00:18:02,094 I don't know. 414 00:18:02,095 --> 00:18:03,975 But being as how you're halfway through 415 00:18:03,976 --> 00:18:06,548 your second year at Greendale, you may want to 416 00:18:06,549 --> 00:18:08,265 either stop resisting 417 00:18:08,679 --> 00:18:11,203 or admit that you're actually starting to enjoy it. 418 00:18:11,204 --> 00:18:12,744 Well, you assume I enjoy it 419 00:18:12,745 --> 00:18:14,840 because you think you'd enjoy it. 420 00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:17,622 That's true. I am very lonely. 421 00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:23,001 You want a, uh, nice little taste 422 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,648 of what you're missing in a relationship 423 00:18:24,649 --> 00:18:25,903 with six nutcases? 424 00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:27,903 - Yeah! - Let's turn on my phone 425 00:18:27,904 --> 00:18:29,472 and listen to the 39 messages 426 00:18:29,473 --> 00:18:30,916 they left tonight. 427 00:18:31,506 --> 00:18:34,167 You have no new messages. 428 00:18:35,899 --> 00:18:38,135 Huh. That's... 429 00:18:39,571 --> 00:18:40,503 Huh. 430 00:18:41,266 --> 00:18:42,579 Since you've got it turned on, 431 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,870 why don't you call me a cab and then pay for it? 432 00:18:45,193 --> 00:18:46,823 Must have been some kind of trouble. 433 00:18:47,721 --> 00:18:48,722 Ah... 434 00:18:49,239 --> 00:18:50,955 What a relief that would be. 435 00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:54,023 Tell you what, if you need me, 436 00:18:54,024 --> 00:18:56,356 I'm gonna be waiting for my cab down here. 437 00:18:57,985 --> 00:18:59,492 Having a special nap. 438 00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:11,631 Oh! 439 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,279 Thanks, bro. I'll be gone in the morning. 440 00:19:29,695 --> 00:19:31,282 Yeah. Whatever. 441 00:19:31,283 --> 00:19:33,384 Okay. Maybe I stay a while. 442 00:19:36,423 --> 00:19:38,699 - Thirsty. - Don't push it. 443 00:19:38,967 --> 00:19:39,946 All right... 444 00:19:40,807 --> 00:19:43,161 It might not shock you guys to hear the real reason 445 00:19:43,162 --> 00:19:44,738 we had a fight today... 446 00:19:46,089 --> 00:19:47,954 It wasn't about the Barenaked Ladies. 447 00:19:47,955 --> 00:19:50,338 Although I do have some unresolved issues there. 448 00:19:51,097 --> 00:19:53,537 Caring about a person can be scary. 449 00:19:53,709 --> 00:19:57,520 Caring about six people can be a horrifying embarrassing nightmare. 450 00:19:57,521 --> 00:19:58,743 At least for me. 451 00:19:59,418 --> 00:20:00,931 But if I can't say it today, 452 00:20:00,932 --> 00:20:02,473 when can I say it? 453 00:20:03,317 --> 00:20:04,690 I love you, guys. 454 00:20:05,384 --> 00:20:06,879 Oh, and, Pierce... 455 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,385 Take it from an expert... 456 00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:11,057 These knuckleheads are right outside your heart. 457 00:20:11,401 --> 00:20:12,721 Let them in. 458 00:20:13,469 --> 00:20:14,769 Before it's too late. 459 00:20:16,594 --> 00:20:18,024 Happy Valentine's Day. 460 00:20:25,067 --> 00:20:27,270 - Be mine? - Right! Yes! 461 00:20:31,796 --> 00:20:33,494 - Love you. - Amazing! 462 00:20:38,762 --> 00:20:39,754 You're cute? 463 00:20:40,722 --> 00:20:41,696 No, wait. 464 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,226 - Kiss me. - There has got to be a way 465 00:20:46,227 --> 00:20:48,188 to make money off of this! 466 00:20:51,826 --> 00:20:52,885 I've been cheating. 467 00:20:56,592 --> 00:20:59,203 No. It says email me.