1
00:00:02,007 --> 00:00:03,946
It`s H, O... H, A, W, T...

2
00:00:03,946 --> 00:00:05,839
Guys! What happened?

3
00:00:05,874 --> 00:00:07,330
Apparently they found him unconscious

4
00:00:07,331 --> 00:00:08,593
on a park bench.

5
00:00:08,851 --> 00:00:10,023
Oh, my God.

6
00:00:10,042 --> 00:00:10,846
Is he okay?

7
00:00:10,847 --> 00:00:12,666
We don't know. We just got here.

8
00:00:12,862 --> 00:00:14,546
He's ready for visitors now.

9
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:16,018
He's in 1023.

10
00:00:18,637 --> 00:00:19,633
Hi.

11
00:00:19,912 --> 00:00:22,338
Oh, welcome, my old friends.

12
00:00:23,246 --> 00:00:24,933
- Welcome.
- Pierce, what happened?

13
00:00:24,934 --> 00:00:26,659
We were all so worried.

14
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:27,573
It was the pills.

15
00:00:27,574 --> 00:00:28,865
They just took me over.

16
00:00:28,866 --> 00:00:33,346
I saw awful, horrible things,
demons, aliens,

17
00:00:33,347 --> 00:00:37,399
critters 3, something called
Bruce Willis surrogates.

18
00:00:38,575 --> 00:00:39,821
Abed, what are you guys doing?

19
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,730
It's okay. Just act natural.

20
00:00:42,044 --> 00:00:43,346
Pierce asked me to document his life

21
00:00:43,347 --> 00:00:44,999
for historical purposes.

22
00:00:45,092 --> 00:00:46,890
At first, I said, "no," because at the risk

23
00:00:46,891 --> 00:00:48,684
of sounding overly sensitive,
I feel intensely bored

24
00:00:48,685 --> 00:00:50,318
by Pierce as a subject.

25
00:00:50,604 --> 00:00:52,309
But I'm excited about
the narrative facility

26
00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:53,642
of the documentary format.

27
00:00:53,643 --> 00:00:54,793
It's easier to tell a complex story

28
00:00:54,794 --> 00:00:55,574
when you can just cut to people

29
00:00:55,575 --> 00:00:57,081
explaining things to the camera.

30
00:00:57,082 --> 00:00:58,946
I've called everyone here so that I could

31
00:00:58,947 --> 00:01:00,386
put my house in order,

32
00:01:00,387 --> 00:01:04,790
bequeath parting gifts, say my final words

33
00:01:04,791 --> 00:01:05,972
to each of you.

34
00:01:05,973 --> 00:01:07,386
Final words?

35
00:01:07,623 --> 00:01:09,388
- You're gonna kill us?
- No, dummy.

36
00:01:09,389 --> 00:01:11,161
The pills wiped me out.

37
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,488
I'm dying.

38
00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:15,421
Oh.

39
00:01:15,764 --> 00:01:17,191
I'm not really dying.

40
00:01:17,892 --> 00:01:19,884
Over the last few weeks,
it's become apparent

41
00:01:19,885 --> 00:01:22,483
how little respect this group has for me.

42
00:01:23,182 --> 00:01:27,105
So I've summoned them
here to exact my revenge.

43
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,569
See? Fish in a barrel.

44
00:01:57,069 --> 00:01:59,010
I'm so sad. I don't know what to do.

45
00:01:59,011 --> 00:02:00,194
Usually, if I need to cheer up,

46
00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:02,104
I just make fun of Pierce, but now...

47
00:02:02,633 --> 00:02:04,041
It'd just make me sadder.

48
00:02:04,397 --> 00:02:06,124
It's Gregory Hines all over again.

49
00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:07,571
Look, I'm sure he'll be fine.

50
00:02:07,572 --> 00:02:09,695
You know how dramatic Pierce gets.

51
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:10,491
Remember when he had the hiccups

52
00:02:10,492 --> 00:02:12,049
and pulled the fire alarm?

53
00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:13,075
Let's just try to relax.

54
00:02:13,076 --> 00:02:14,632
He's here because we relaxed.

55
00:02:14,633 --> 00:02:16,371
No, he's here because he relaxed,

56
00:02:16,372 --> 00:02:18,150
a handful of pills at a time.

57
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,144
That's all over now.

58
00:02:20,145 --> 00:02:21,758
We're here for him, so there's no point

59
00:02:21,759 --> 00:02:22,949
in feeling bad.

60
00:02:22,998 --> 00:02:24,206
We know there's no point, Jeff.

61
00:02:24,207 --> 00:02:25,815
We kind of just felt like feeling it.

62
00:02:25,816 --> 00:02:27,723
Yeah, Jeff. What are you? Abed?

63
00:02:27,724 --> 00:02:28,723
Oh, sorry, Abed.

64
00:02:28,724 --> 00:02:30,166
No problem. Doesn't bother me.

65
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:33,168
Mr. Hawthorne is ready
to commence his bequeathings.

66
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,374
Shouldn't you be telling that
to an orderly?

67
00:02:36,453 --> 00:02:38,054
He's gonna give us gifts.

68
00:02:38,055 --> 00:02:39,203
Oh, cool!

69
00:02:40,165 --> 00:02:41,145
I mean...

70
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:43,561
Cool.

71
00:02:43,694 --> 00:02:45,154
I don't want Pierce to die.

72
00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:48,142
But if I'm gonna get bequeathed upon,

73
00:02:48,143 --> 00:02:50,459
I'd like to be bequeathed a drum kit

74
00:02:50,734 --> 00:02:53,074
or a signed photo of actor Levar Burton.

75
00:02:53,166 --> 00:02:54,815
Those would be my top two wishes.

76
00:02:54,816 --> 00:02:57,299
My third wish would be a million wishes.

77
00:02:58,097 --> 00:02:59,558
But I'd just use 'em all on

78
00:02:59,559 --> 00:03:01,817
a million signed photos
of actor Levar Burton.

79
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,353
Hello, Pierce.

80
00:03:04,896 --> 00:03:05,629
Hi.

81
00:03:05,630 --> 00:03:07,761
I got you some things from the gift shop

82
00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:08,534
to cheer you up.

83
00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:10,301
I got you a John Grisham novel

84
00:03:10,302 --> 00:03:12,232
and a funny little coffee mug.

85
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:14,491
You see how the flea's door mat
says "Dog, sweet dog"?

86
00:03:14,492 --> 00:03:16,644
Yeah. Shirley, we both know

87
00:03:16,645 --> 00:03:18,761
that you and I are the most hated
in the group.

88
00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:19,689
We do?

89
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:22,761
And since, in my absence,
you'll be the new black sheep...

90
00:03:22,921 --> 00:03:24,948
I'm sorry. That's offensive.

91
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,309
Black swan.

92
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,128
I want you to have this.

93
00:03:28,129 --> 00:03:30,474
It's a compact record and it

94
00:03:30,962 --> 00:03:33,302
contains an audio file of your study group

95
00:03:33,303 --> 00:03:35,588
talking about you while
you're out of the room.

96
00:03:35,646 --> 00:03:38,007
It's all here, burnt into this diskette

97
00:03:38,008 --> 00:03:39,247
by optical lasers.

98
00:03:39,248 --> 00:03:40,087
I don't believe you.

99
00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:41,964
I know it sounds like science fiction.

100
00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:44,094
No, I don't believe
there's anything on that.

101
00:03:44,413 --> 00:03:47,706
Then I guess this is good-bye...Forever.

102
00:03:48,732 --> 00:03:50,306
Good... good-bye, Pierce.

103
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,351
Smell you later.

104
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:58,959
He said it's a recording of you all

105
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,388
talking behind my back.

106
00:04:00,389 --> 00:04:01,378
That's ridiculous.

107
00:04:01,379 --> 00:04:02,252
That's what I told him,

108
00:04:02,253 --> 00:04:03,939
because you all don't do that.

109
00:04:03,998 --> 00:04:05,049
Right?

110
00:04:10,775 --> 00:04:13,777
Mr. Hawthorne is requesting "sour face."

111
00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:18,561
Knock, knock.

112
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:19,973
Is that you, Death?

113
00:04:19,974 --> 00:04:21,539
- It's Britta.
- Oh.

114
00:04:21,540 --> 00:04:23,204
Before you speak, I just want to tell you

115
00:04:23,205 --> 00:04:24,764
that you don't have to give me anything.

116
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,207
I am happy to just spend time with you.

117
00:04:27,564 --> 00:04:29,185
You know what Dylan Thomas
said about death?

118
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:30,303
No, tell me.

119
00:04:30,568 --> 00:04:31,653
Okay, bluff called.

120
00:04:31,866 --> 00:04:34,331
Britta, you're the selfless one
in the group, right?

121
00:04:34,332 --> 00:04:36,330
I wouldn't know.
I haven't thought about myself in years.

122
00:04:36,331 --> 00:04:38,488
That's what makes you
the perfect recipient

123
00:04:38,489 --> 00:04:39,516
of this bequeathment.

124
00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:41,415
It's a check for $10,000

125
00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:43,487
with the payee line blank,

126
00:04:43,581 --> 00:04:46,478
so that you can give it
to the charity of your choice.

127
00:04:46,479 --> 00:04:47,406
Wow.

128
00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:51,749
Pierce, this is... surprising.

129
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:53,623
After what you gave Shirley,

130
00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:55,373
we thought you were playing mind games.

131
00:04:55,374 --> 00:04:56,365
Thank you.

132
00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:01,738
Of course, if you are so inclined,

133
00:05:01,739 --> 00:05:03,687
you could always write
your own name in there.

134
00:05:07,545 --> 00:05:08,560
Toodles.

135
00:05:09,085 --> 00:05:10,879
I don't want to die in a place like this.

136
00:05:11,124 --> 00:05:12,196
People shouldn't die in the same place

137
00:05:12,197 --> 00:05:13,321
as People magazines do.

138
00:05:13,322 --> 00:05:15,315
I hope to die surrounded by my family.

139
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,556
That's the only way I agreed to be

140
00:05:16,557 --> 00:05:17,579
surrounded by my family.

141
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:18,919
Me and Abed have an agreement.

142
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,331
If one of us dies, we stage it to look

143
00:05:20,332 --> 00:05:22,359
like a suicide caused
by the unjust cancellation

144
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:23,548
of Firefly.

145
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,732
We're gonna get that show back
on the air, buddy.

146
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:28,807
How'd it go?

147
00:05:29,142 --> 00:05:30,116
Huh?

148
00:05:30,208 --> 00:05:31,144
Oh, fine.

149
00:05:31,145 --> 00:05:32,642
He gave me a check for $10,000

150
00:05:32,643 --> 00:05:34,773
to give to the charity of my choice.

151
00:05:35,057 --> 00:05:36,727
See? He's not messing with us.

152
00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:38,952
- Maybe he just hates Shirley.
- What?

153
00:05:38,953 --> 00:05:40,365
Yeah, maybe.

154
00:05:41,168 --> 00:05:42,788
I just need to research a few charities,

155
00:05:42,789 --> 00:05:44,721
because some take a lot off the top

156
00:05:44,722 --> 00:05:46,320
and you think you're giving money to people

157
00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:47,944
that really need it,
and you're really giving it

158
00:05:47,945 --> 00:05:51,785
to some middle man
who's gonna pay off their parking tickets,

159
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:53,843
credit cards, and keep
from getting kicked out

160
00:05:53,844 --> 00:05:56,988
of her place in... April.

161
00:05:57,209 --> 00:05:58,226
Ah!

162
00:05:58,611 --> 00:06:00,316
He'd like to see Annie next.

163
00:06:00,317 --> 00:06:01,790
You know what? No.

164
00:06:02,097 --> 00:06:03,042
He'll see Jeff next.

165
00:06:03,043 --> 00:06:04,311
No, but you're not supposed to go...

166
00:06:04,312 --> 00:06:06,237
Or what? You'll do twice
as much work as a doctor

167
00:06:06,238 --> 00:06:07,564
for half the pay?

168
00:06:08,012 --> 00:06:09,034
Thank you?

169
00:06:09,172 --> 00:06:10,082
It's called a complisult.

170
00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:11,650
Part compliment, part insult.

171
00:06:11,651 --> 00:06:14,418
He invented them. I coined the term.

172
00:06:14,692 --> 00:06:16,005
See what I just did there?

173
00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:17,585
That was an explanabrag.

174
00:06:18,854 --> 00:06:19,519
Hello, Jeffrey.

175
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:20,517
Pierce.

176
00:06:24,089 --> 00:06:25,954
I've thought about this day many times,

177
00:06:25,955 --> 00:06:28,563
but I've always imagined it differently.

178
00:06:28,564 --> 00:06:30,139
For starters, I thought
you'd be the one in bed

179
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,951
and I'd be a hologram.

180
00:06:32,411 --> 00:06:33,134
What?

181
00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:35,774
Ah, never mind.
There's no time for that now.

182
00:06:39,727 --> 00:06:41,300
Pierce, it's starting to seem,

183
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,883
from observing the others,
that you're using

184
00:06:42,884 --> 00:06:45,940
the social leverage afforded you
by your alleged deathbed

185
00:06:45,941 --> 00:06:48,627
to exact complicated acts
of psychological vengeance

186
00:06:48,628 --> 00:06:49,650
on those closest to you.

187
00:06:49,651 --> 00:06:51,159
Vengeance? Oh, no.

188
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,270
I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey.

189
00:06:53,756 --> 00:06:55,260
My father held grudges.

190
00:06:55,586 --> 00:06:57,079
I'll always hate him for that.

191
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:58,637
Did you get along with your father?

192
00:06:58,638 --> 00:06:59,842
I got along without him.

193
00:06:59,843 --> 00:07:01,513
Oh, that's no good, Jeffrey.

194
00:07:01,514 --> 00:07:02,480
You don't want your dad to die

195
00:07:02,481 --> 00:07:04,111
before you tell him how you feel.

196
00:07:04,112 --> 00:07:04,842
I'm sure you're right.

197
00:07:04,843 --> 00:07:06,466
Look, let's nip this in the bud.

198
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:09,099
Pierce, we're sorry we didn't respond

199
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,149
quickly enough to your pill addiction.

200
00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:14,401
Is there any chance that apology is enough?

201
00:07:14,603 --> 00:07:17,288
Are you ready to be
bequeathed upon, Jeff?

202
00:07:17,919 --> 00:07:18,880
Yeah.

203
00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:20,105
Blow my mind.

204
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:21,983
I found your father.

205
00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:24,359
Did you now?

206
00:07:24,412 --> 00:07:27,840
William Winger, born Oklahoma City, 1945.

207
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,513
1974, married Doreen Fitzgerald.

208
00:07:30,514 --> 00:07:32,445
Divorced in 1983.

209
00:07:32,446 --> 00:07:34,341
Most recently residing in Dorchester.

210
00:07:34,342 --> 00:07:37,566
Currently sitting in a town car on its way

211
00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:39,419
to this very hospital.

212
00:07:39,487 --> 00:07:41,527
Should be here in an hour or so,

213
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,020
give or take a father.

214
00:07:44,670 --> 00:07:45,581
That it?

215
00:07:45,582 --> 00:07:46,381
Yep.

216
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:47,275
All right.

217
00:07:47,276 --> 00:07:48,730
See you at the funeral.

218
00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:53,992
And so it is bequeathed.

219
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:05,937
What are you gonna say to your dad?

220
00:08:06,189 --> 00:08:08,326
I'm not gonna say anything
because I won't have to,

221
00:08:08,327 --> 00:08:10,303
because Pierce is playing
head games with us.

222
00:08:10,304 --> 00:08:11,926
I've decided not to listen to it.

223
00:08:11,927 --> 00:08:12,725
What?

224
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,204
I'm not gonna listen to the CD

225
00:08:15,205 --> 00:08:17,353
of you guys talking about me.

226
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:19,888
Because I forgive you.

227
00:08:19,889 --> 00:08:22,298
But how do we know
what we're being forgiven for?

228
00:08:22,299 --> 00:08:23,792
We don't even know what's on there.

229
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,390
And you never have to.

230
00:08:26,208 --> 00:08:27,172
Hmm.

231
00:08:30,097 --> 00:08:31,334
But what if he is coming, though?

232
00:08:31,335 --> 00:08:32,901
What are you gonna say to him?

233
00:08:33,031 --> 00:08:35,172
Here. I'll be him. I'll be him.

234
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:37,911
Hi. Hey.

235
00:08:37,912 --> 00:08:39,732
Hi, I'm Jeff's dad. Hi.

236
00:08:39,733 --> 00:08:41,101
Hi. Hi, Jeff's dad.

237
00:08:41,102 --> 00:08:42,063
I'm Britta's dad.

238
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,568
- What? Why?
- I don't know.

239
00:08:43,569 --> 00:08:45,061
Got drunk, didn't have a condom,

240
00:08:45,062 --> 00:08:47,016
and her mom gets freaky
when she hears oingo boingo.

241
00:08:47,017 --> 00:08:48,360
Oh, God, I wish I could relate,

242
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,516
but much like my son,
I'm a closet homosexual.

243
00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:51,773
Don't apologize for that.

244
00:08:51,774 --> 00:08:54,031
You're talking to the guy
that banged Britta's mom.

245
00:08:54,032 --> 00:08:55,340
I have no standards.

246
00:08:55,341 --> 00:08:56,622
Well, what do you say we take a tumble?

247
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:57,442
I'll put on a wig.

248
00:08:57,443 --> 00:08:58,761
That's it. You're under arrest.

249
00:08:58,762 --> 00:08:59,624
I'm an undercover cop.

250
00:08:59,625 --> 00:09:00,954
It's not illegal to be gay.

251
00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:02,263
It is here in Iran.

252
00:09:02,264 --> 00:09:03,366
Not when we're in the green zone.

253
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:04,543
That's Iraq, stupid.

254
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,275
Well, what do I know?

255
00:09:05,276 --> 00:09:07,560
I'm Jeff Winger's dumb, gay dad.

256
00:09:09,845 --> 00:09:11,822
My father was a two-bit con man

257
00:09:11,823 --> 00:09:14,203
of so little substance
he couldn't leave a trail

258
00:09:14,204 --> 00:09:15,575
if he wanted to.

259
00:09:15,659 --> 00:09:17,745
And I don't care if Pierce
hired Scotland Yard.

260
00:09:17,746 --> 00:09:20,319
He isn't gonna track him down
from a hospital bed.

261
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,533
I mean, money can't just
make people appear.

262
00:09:23,392 --> 00:09:24,389
Excuse me.

263
00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:26,884
I'm looking for Troy Barnes.

264
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,676
Pierce Hawthorne sent me.

265
00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:37,060
Hey, Troy?

266
00:09:38,063 --> 00:09:39,028
Hi.

267
00:09:39,172 --> 00:09:40,381
I'm Levar Burton.

268
00:09:43,378 --> 00:09:45,989
Pierce got Levar Burton
to come here for Troy?

269
00:09:46,304 --> 00:09:48,453
Is there anyone he can't produce?

270
00:09:48,503 --> 00:09:50,124
Now I'm really getting mad.

271
00:09:50,161 --> 00:09:52,536
Why am I the only one
he decided to torture?

272
00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:02,191
I told Pierce a thousand times

273
00:10:02,192 --> 00:10:05,318
I never wanted to meet Levar in person!

274
00:10:05,319 --> 00:10:07,596
I just wanted a picture!

275
00:10:07,631 --> 00:10:10,324
You can't disappoint a picture!

276
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:12,643
I hate you, Pierce!

277
00:10:13,816 --> 00:10:16,197
I hate you so much!

278
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,773
Ahem.

279
00:10:20,936 --> 00:10:22,763
Annie, I forgive you.

280
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,884
Annie Edison.

281
00:10:25,444 --> 00:10:27,181
Your bequeathal is at hand.

282
00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:30,951
Do you have a regular job here?

283
00:10:34,254 --> 00:10:37,108
Annie, I know you're being strong for me.

284
00:10:37,489 --> 00:10:39,323
I give you permission to weep.

285
00:10:40,008 --> 00:10:41,772
I'm crying on the inside.

286
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:42,939
Gross.

287
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:44,360
Well, in any case,

288
00:10:44,361 --> 00:10:45,742
I want to give you this.

289
00:10:45,743 --> 00:10:48,957
It's been in my family for six generations.

290
00:10:49,521 --> 00:10:50,666
Now it's yours.

291
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,179
Thank you.

292
00:11:11,022 --> 00:11:12,991
Jeff, do you want to see your dad?

293
00:11:12,992 --> 00:11:15,125
- He's not coming.
- But do you want to see him?

294
00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:16,091
No.

295
00:11:16,528 --> 00:11:17,955
Then why aren't you leaving?

296
00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:20,346
Because I don't care and I'm not

297
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,983
gonna let him think that I care.

298
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:23,239
Your dad or Pierce?

299
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,379
There is no dad.

300
00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:26,074
And get this thing out of my face!

301
00:11:26,518 --> 00:11:27,601
And don't you dare intercut this

302
00:11:27,602 --> 00:11:29,227
with footage of me freaking out.

303
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:34,896
Oh!

304
00:11:35,268 --> 00:11:36,721
Is there footage of you freaking out?

305
00:11:37,421 --> 00:11:39,445
Abed, I'm gonna kill you

306
00:11:39,446 --> 00:11:40,974
and Pierce and Britta

307
00:11:40,975 --> 00:11:42,366
and anyone else who thinks I care

308
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:43,884
about any of this!

309
00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:46,805
So do you go to school nearby?

310
00:11:48,932 --> 00:11:51,247
Well, are you more familiar with me

311
00:11:51,248 --> 00:11:53,507
from Star Trek or Reading Rainbow?

312
00:11:53,791 --> 00:11:55,368
Reading Rainbow was a show
I hosted and produced

313
00:11:55,369 --> 00:11:57,108
for 25 years on PBS.

314
00:11:57,713 --> 00:11:58,813
Ever seen it?

315
00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:01,911
♪ Butterfly in the sky ♪

316
00:12:02,864 --> 00:12:05,254
♪ I can go twice as high ♪

317
00:12:05,713 --> 00:12:06,960
♪ take a look ♪

318
00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:08,516
♪ it's in a book ♪

319
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:11,524
♪ reading rainbow-ow-ow ♪

320
00:12:11,972 --> 00:12:14,835
♪ reading rainbow ♪

321
00:12:16,593 --> 00:12:17,264
♪ oh! ♪

322
00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:19,790
Set phasers to "love me"!

323
00:12:20,762 --> 00:12:21,939
What does it mean?

324
00:12:22,098 --> 00:12:23,169
What do you mean "what does it mean"?

325
00:12:23,170 --> 00:12:24,199
No riddles.

326
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,977
You're screwing around with everyone.

327
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,029
You gave me a tiara. What does it mean?

328
00:12:28,030 --> 00:12:31,327
Are these... are these blood diamonds?

329
00:12:31,934 --> 00:12:34,312
Are they holocaust diamonds?

330
00:12:34,313 --> 00:12:35,144
No!

331
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:36,700
Well, what does it mean?

332
00:12:37,384 --> 00:12:39,780
It means you're my favorite.

333
00:12:40,224 --> 00:12:41,838
What does that mean?

334
00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:43,206
I did it.

335
00:12:43,207 --> 00:12:44,617
I gave away the money.

336
00:12:45,975 --> 00:12:47,290
The red cross.

337
00:12:47,831 --> 00:12:49,357
You know what that makes me?

338
00:12:49,422 --> 00:12:50,768
A terrible person.

339
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:52,545
Because if that camera wasn't on me,

340
00:12:52,546 --> 00:12:53,845
I would have taken that money

341
00:12:53,846 --> 00:12:55,544
right out of the mouths of crippled,

342
00:12:55,545 --> 00:12:58,568
starving, malaria-ridden refugee kids

343
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,134
and now I know that forever.

344
00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:02,616
Thanks, Pierce.

345
00:13:04,547 --> 00:13:07,719
Britta, you've got to forgive yourself.

346
00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:08,455
Look at me.

347
00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:10,299
I've forgiven all of you
for the horrible things...

348
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,333
Oh, for crying out loud, Shirley,
give me that CD.

349
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,462
- Oh!
- We're gonna listen to it.

350
00:13:13,463 --> 00:13:14,954
I don't want to listen to it.

351
00:13:14,955 --> 00:13:16,666
Britta, please. Britta.

352
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,928
Britta, wait.

353
00:13:17,929 --> 00:13:18,837
Britta!

354
00:13:22,673 --> 00:13:23,651
I'll be right back.

355
00:13:23,652 --> 00:13:25,650
Don't learn anything without me.

356
00:13:26,358 --> 00:13:29,089
So how much do we all hate Shirley?

357
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,247
Pierce, knock it off.

358
00:13:30,248 --> 00:13:32,254
Hey, James Bond, stop trying to record us

359
00:13:32,255 --> 00:13:34,208
with that stupid spy pen.

360
00:13:34,537 --> 00:13:36,012
We can see the blinking light.

361
00:13:36,169 --> 00:13:37,438
Why do you keep trying to record us

362
00:13:37,439 --> 00:13:38,650
bad-mouthing each other?

363
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,597
Because he thinks friendship
is a competition

364
00:13:40,598 --> 00:13:42,245
and he's always trying
to get the upper hand.

365
00:13:42,246 --> 00:13:44,077
Think Shirley's any different?

366
00:13:44,078 --> 00:13:45,600
- Yes.
- Moron.

367
00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:46,631
Hello!

368
00:13:47,224 --> 00:13:48,948
Guess we do owe you an apology, Shirley.

369
00:13:48,949 --> 00:13:51,129
We shouldn't have said
those things about you.

370
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:58,633
I guess the lesson here is

371
00:13:58,634 --> 00:14:01,482
that I sometimes use guilt as a weapon.

372
00:14:02,469 --> 00:14:03,457
What are you doing?

373
00:14:03,486 --> 00:14:05,837
Oh, just shooting a talking head

374
00:14:05,838 --> 00:14:08,292
or did you want me to be the only one

375
00:14:08,293 --> 00:14:09,915
who didn't have one?

376
00:14:10,855 --> 00:14:11,954
No, go ahead.

377
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:15,980
I think it stems from when I was...

378
00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:21,522
So you found my father?

379
00:14:21,783 --> 00:14:23,451
Yes, he's on his way.

380
00:14:23,758 --> 00:14:25,694
I mean, if this is too much to handle,

381
00:14:25,695 --> 00:14:28,214
I completely understand
and I can call it off.

382
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,918
Actually, I think I'm ready to see him.

383
00:14:29,919 --> 00:14:32,388
Good. Good for you.

384
00:14:34,982 --> 00:14:36,993
Oh, I should probably tell you...

385
00:14:37,466 --> 00:14:40,117
If you're lying to me,
if my father isn't coming,

386
00:14:40,118 --> 00:14:42,532
if a car pulls up and
anyone other than my father

387
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:45,180
steps out...
say, an actor or you in a wig...

388
00:14:45,265 --> 00:14:46,852
If you try to pull any Ferris Bueller,

389
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:49,308
Parent Trap, Three's Company, F/X,

390
00:14:49,309 --> 00:14:51,256
The Deadly Art of Illusion Bull,

391
00:14:51,818 --> 00:14:52,936
I will beat you...

392
00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:56,123
And there will be nothing
madcap or wacky about it.

393
00:14:57,116 --> 00:14:58,104
Understood?

394
00:14:58,311 --> 00:14:59,305
Crystal.

395
00:15:17,043 --> 00:15:18,869
- I'm Levar.
- Oh, I know.

396
00:15:18,870 --> 00:15:20,435
I was a huge fan of Rebop.

397
00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:21,760
It was cancelled before I was born,

398
00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:24,308
but I scored some VHS copies.

399
00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:27,427
I was nostalgic from a very early age.

400
00:15:27,428 --> 00:15:28,388
Cool.

401
00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:31,460
Hey, you know, I assumed
that Troy was a fan,

402
00:15:31,461 --> 00:15:33,452
but he hasn't said a word
to me since I got here

403
00:15:33,453 --> 00:15:35,464
and now I've got to catch this flight.

404
00:15:35,465 --> 00:15:36,863
No! No! You can't go.

405
00:15:37,101 --> 00:15:37,602
He loves you.

406
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,119
He talks about you all the time.

407
00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:42,288
How much would it cost
to change your flight till tomorrow?

408
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:45,355
Is, um, $261 enough?

409
00:15:45,356 --> 00:15:46,631
'Cause that's all I've got.

410
00:15:46,632 --> 00:15:48,868
- That's all you've got?
- Yeah.

411
00:15:49,337 --> 00:15:51,831
No, you... you keep your money.

412
00:15:51,843 --> 00:15:54,464
I'll... I'll reschedule.

413
00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:55,459
Oh, my God. Thank you.

414
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:57,161
He's gonna be so happy.

415
00:15:57,363 --> 00:15:59,911
You know, you are a very generous friend,

416
00:16:00,347 --> 00:16:02,215
but you're really stupid with your money.

417
00:16:05,716 --> 00:16:06,979
It's not that I'm selfish.

418
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:09,679
It's just that I'm really stupid
with my money,

419
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,950
which is why I'll never have a lot of it

420
00:16:11,951 --> 00:16:14,425
and because I'm a really generous friend.

421
00:16:14,646 --> 00:16:15,818
Problem solved.

422
00:16:15,831 --> 00:16:17,301
Dilemma deleted.

423
00:16:17,302 --> 00:16:18,923
Britta for the win!

424
00:16:21,015 --> 00:16:22,965
Oh, thank God he didn't take it.

425
00:16:22,966 --> 00:16:26,099
Could you imagine bouncing
a check to Kunta Kinte?

426
00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:52,345
Hello?

427
00:16:52,764 --> 00:16:55,104
Jeffrey, this is your father.

428
00:16:56,293 --> 00:16:57,345
Uh-huh?

429
00:16:57,372 --> 00:16:59,400
It's me here in this sedan.

430
00:17:00,084 --> 00:17:01,912
See? I'm waving.

431
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:05,647
I'm sorry I can't come any closer, my boy.

432
00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:07,567
This is too difficult.

433
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,772
You look too much like your mother.

434
00:17:10,193 --> 00:17:11,786
No, no. Don't come any closer.

435
00:17:11,787 --> 00:17:12,862
As you were.

436
00:17:13,228 --> 00:17:15,089
Well, have to catch a flight to Katmandu,

437
00:17:15,090 --> 00:17:16,993
but I just wanted to say
cherish the new friends

438
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,037
that you've made.

439
00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:20,693
They're your true family now!

440
00:17:23,593 --> 00:17:24,445
No! Don't open it!

441
00:17:24,446 --> 00:17:25,910
It'll be too hard for both of us!

442
00:17:26,363 --> 00:17:27,480
- Oh, Jeff!
- Jeff!

443
00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:29,332
- Son of a...!
- Oh, no!

444
00:17:30,912 --> 00:17:32,084
- Oh!
- Jeff!

445
00:17:32,254 --> 00:17:33,338
No, no, no!

446
00:17:33,373 --> 00:17:35,137
When you improvise a plan,

447
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,106
sometimes you hit a speed bump.

448
00:17:37,107 --> 00:17:40,183
And sometimes you hit it so hard

449
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,464
that you soar through the air,

450
00:17:42,589 --> 00:17:45,169
far beyond your initial expectations.

451
00:17:45,588 --> 00:17:47,440
I set out to take revenge on Jeff Winger,

452
00:17:48,149 --> 00:17:50,498
to scare him with the ghost of his father.

453
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:53,968
Instead, I took over
the role of his father,

454
00:17:54,485 --> 00:17:56,346
and helped make him a better man.

455
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,342
It'll be a long time before Jeff Winger

456
00:17:59,343 --> 00:18:01,323
underestimates me again.

457
00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:04,498
Jeff, no!

458
00:18:04,499 --> 00:18:06,470
Why would you do something like this?

459
00:18:06,471 --> 00:18:08,130
Jeff! Come on, Jeff!

460
00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:12,379
Because I'm sick of you people

461
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:14,483
not taking me seriously!

462
00:18:14,735 --> 00:18:16,535
You forget my birthday!

463
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:19,430
You don't invite me
to your Dungeons and Dragons games

464
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,639
or your secret trampoline!

465
00:18:22,488 --> 00:18:24,676
You guys think I'm some kind of a joke!

466
00:18:24,826 --> 00:18:27,132
This isn't disproving the theory!

467
00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:30,406
Good point.

468
00:18:30,407 --> 00:18:32,028
What'd you say? What'd you say?

469
00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:33,193
What did you say?

470
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:36,657
Apparently I need to say
some things to my father.

471
00:18:36,981 --> 00:18:40,921
Things that I may have screamed
at Pierce instead.

472
00:18:41,781 --> 00:18:43,658
I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it.

473
00:18:44,877 --> 00:18:46,689
But my father deserves it too.

474
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:49,674
Pierce?

475
00:18:51,152 --> 00:18:52,605
I figured out your test.

476
00:18:52,903 --> 00:18:57,113
Crowns, presents, punishments, favorites.

477
00:18:57,729 --> 00:18:58,941
You're trying to show me the dangers

478
00:18:58,942 --> 00:19:00,441
of my own elitism.

479
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:02,968
My constant striving to be the best.

480
00:19:03,484 --> 00:19:06,937
So I'm requeathing this tiara.

481
00:19:07,985 --> 00:19:09,303
Because if I become the kind of person

482
00:19:09,304 --> 00:19:11,362
who thinks it's their place
to pick favorites

483
00:19:11,363 --> 00:19:15,749
and torture the rest,
I'll die sad and alone.

484
00:19:16,084 --> 00:19:18,882
And that's what you were trying
to teach me.

485
00:19:19,653 --> 00:19:20,888
Very good, Annie.

486
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:22,596
You pass.

487
00:19:28,492 --> 00:19:30,689
She's actually just my favorite.

488
00:19:35,229 --> 00:19:36,826
So I thought the documentary format

489
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,351
would be like fish in a barrel,

490
00:19:38,352 --> 00:19:41,036
but as is the case
with a real barrel of fish,

491
00:19:41,037 --> 00:19:42,432
after a while, it can become cramped,

492
00:19:42,433 --> 00:19:43,927
chaotic, and stinky.

493
00:19:44,274 --> 00:19:46,031
In their floor and bats...

494
00:19:46,032 --> 00:19:47,926
Fortunately, if in the end,
your documentary is turning out

495
00:19:47,927 --> 00:19:49,621
just as messy as real life,

496
00:19:50,024 --> 00:19:51,305
you can always wrap it up with a series

497
00:19:51,306 --> 00:19:52,605
of random shots, which when cut together

498
00:19:52,606 --> 00:19:54,422
under a generic voice-over,

499
00:19:55,199 --> 00:19:57,148
suggest a profound thematic connection.

500
00:19:58,702 --> 00:20:00,041
I'm not knocking it.

501
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:01,306
It works.

502
00:20:02,174 --> 00:20:03,147
Guys.

503
00:20:09,023 --> 00:20:09,993
Oh.

504
00:20:10,478 --> 00:20:11,601
Aww.

505
00:20:14,997 --> 00:20:16,594
Jeff and I became...

506
00:20:17,167 --> 00:20:19,340
Kind of like father and son today.

507
00:20:20,318 --> 00:20:21,690
No, we did not.

508
00:20:27,475 --> 00:20:28,583
Troy, I am telling you, man,

509
00:20:28,584 --> 00:20:30,237
this salmon is really good.

510
00:20:33,929 --> 00:20:35,733
Would you mind passing me the pepper?

511
00:20:41,986 --> 00:20:44,470
♪ Butterfly in the sky ♪

512
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:49,854
♪ I can go twice as high ♪

513
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:52,009
♪ take a look ♪

514
00:20:52,258 --> 00:20:53,895
♪ it's in a book ♪

515
00:20:54,448 --> 00:20:57,284
♪ the reading rainbow ♪

516
00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:06,110
Well, more fish for Kunta.

517
00:21:06,310 --> 00:21:16,510
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