1
00:00:01,129 --> 00:00:02,328
So I go into the bathroom with Tom...

2
00:00:03,329 --> 00:00:06,629
And we both, you know... take 'em out.

3
00:00:06,736 --> 00:00:10,593
And I say, "Size more? Try size less."

4
00:00:12,406 --> 00:00:13,759
- Wow.
- Wow.

5
00:00:13,798 --> 00:00:16,524
I wanna go to rehab and compare
penises with famous people.

6
00:00:16,525 --> 00:00:18,108
All in good time, kiddo.

7
00:00:18,109 --> 00:00:21,672
Well, uh, Pierce, we're very glad
to have you back.

8
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,430
I'm assuming. You?

9
00:00:24,479 --> 00:00:26,585
So...What should we do now?

10
00:00:29,299 --> 00:00:30,609
Well, I don't wanna be that guy,

11
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:33,474
but I guess we should start studying
Anthropology.

12
00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:34,999
Okay.

13
00:00:35,677 --> 00:00:38,075
Okay. Um...

14
00:00:39,674 --> 00:00:41,861
Chapter four.

15
00:00:43,405 --> 00:00:44,965
- Hello!
- Oh, thank God!

16
00:00:44,966 --> 00:00:46,213
Yes!

17
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,437
Oh, my God.

18
00:00:48,121 --> 00:00:49,590
- Thank you.
- What is it, dean?

19
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:52,095
Oh, haha. I have exciting news.

20
00:00:52,096 --> 00:00:53,861
Vice president Joe Biden

21
00:00:53,862 --> 00:00:56,542
has been visiting community colleges
across the country

22
00:00:56,543 --> 00:00:59,943
as part of his
"Biden Time Talkin' 'Bout Teachin'" tour.

23
00:00:59,944 --> 00:01:01,909
Mm, folksy, yet progressive.

24
00:01:01,910 --> 00:01:03,207
He does walk that line.

25
00:01:03,208 --> 00:01:06,267
Anyway, his tour is taking him
to this neck of the woods,

26
00:01:06,268 --> 00:01:09,524
And at 5:00 P.M. today,
he is stopping by Greendale!

27
00:01:10,156 --> 00:01:11,798
Eat that, city college and wash it down

28
00:01:11,799 --> 00:01:13,769
with a nice tall glass of suck it.

29
00:01:13,835 --> 00:01:15,316
The vice president is coming.

30
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,006
That explains the people I've noticed

31
00:01:17,007 --> 00:01:18,805
covertly surveilling 
the campus this week.

32
00:01:18,806 --> 00:01:19,930
Must be Secret Service.

33
00:01:19,931 --> 00:01:22,355
Oh, Abed, will your reality ever
come out on Blu-Ray

34
00:01:22,356 --> 00:01:24,651
- so we can enjoy it?
- We've been made.

35
00:01:24,677 --> 00:01:27,510
Only problem: Mr. Biden is supposed
to be meeting

36
00:01:27,511 --> 00:01:28,865
with the dean...

37
00:01:29,061 --> 00:01:30,748
And the head of our student government,

38
00:01:30,749 --> 00:01:33,079
which in its current form doesn't exist.

39
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:37,132
So we have seven hours
to elect a student president.

40
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,996
Ah, what am I gonna wear?

41
00:01:38,997 --> 00:01:42,439
I mean, I could borrow
my sister's Uncle Sam outfit.

42
00:01:42,912 --> 00:01:44,273
It's tailored for ladies

43
00:01:44,274 --> 00:01:47,027
but what else can I do
on such short notice?

44
00:01:47,095 --> 00:01:49,141
Well, you can not dress up like Uncle Sam.

45
00:01:49,471 --> 00:01:51,643
Or admit you don't have a sister.

46
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,492
We're electing a student president.

47
00:01:53,493 --> 00:01:54,366
I wanna run!

48
00:01:54,367 --> 00:01:56,317
I have so many ideas
for improving the school.

49
00:01:56,318 --> 00:01:58,542
Improving Greendale takes more
than ideas, Annie.

50
00:01:58,543 --> 00:02:01,359
It takes time, gasoline, matches.

51
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,880
Mm, nice.

52
00:02:03,327 --> 00:02:05,693
Well, news flash, Jeff.
Some of us care about more

53
00:02:05,694 --> 00:02:07,998
than just fixing our hair
and sculpting our abs.

54
00:02:07,999 --> 00:02:09,934
Wow. You got me pegged.

55
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,233
Democracy. What a ruse.

56
00:02:12,234 --> 00:02:13,900
There's no such thing as a system in which

57
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:16,881
- the masses hold any...
- Everyone wants you to shut up.

58
00:02:16,882 --> 00:02:19,497
And yet I won't. Case in point.

59
00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:31,170
Sync by YYeTs.net
Corrected by Addic7ed.com
www.addic7ed.com

60
00:02:49,353 --> 00:02:52,729
We tend to take democracy
for granted in America.

61
00:02:52,730 --> 00:02:56,446
But the fact is men have fought and died

62
00:02:56,447 --> 00:03:00,280
for the sacred right we exercise today.

63
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:04,032
So anyone who wants to be president,

64
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:06,737
line up by the ice cream machine.

65
00:03:06,738 --> 00:03:09,980
Your applause will determine
who gets into the primaries.

66
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:13,355
And yes, this is a ladies Uncle Sam outfit.

67
00:03:13,356 --> 00:03:16,033
It's my sister's. It was last-minute.

68
00:03:16,034 --> 00:03:17,114
I had no choice.

69
00:03:17,115 --> 00:03:19,307
I wonder if that's the same sister
that tweets me

70
00:03:19,308 --> 00:03:21,320
to ask if I think her brother's cute.

71
00:03:21,751 --> 00:03:22,664
Jeff, what happened to

72
00:03:22,665 --> 00:03:24,474
that pile of campaign fliers I gave you?

73
00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:25,698
I hung 'em all up.

74
00:03:28,381 --> 00:03:29,559
Real nice.

75
00:03:29,624 --> 00:03:31,344
Is it too much to ask you to pitch in?

76
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,942
I'm sorry, Annie.
I'm not the worker bee type.

77
00:03:33,943 --> 00:03:36,707
I'm more of a silverback
gorilla with the claws a lion,

78
00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:39,366
the teeth of a shark, and the
quiet dignity of a tortoise.

79
00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:41,731
All right. First up is this fella.

80
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,057
Let's go. Come on.

81
00:03:43,058 --> 00:03:44,474
All right, tell everybody your name.

82
00:03:44,811 --> 00:03:46,317
- Garrett.
- Okay, Garrett.

83
00:03:46,318 --> 00:03:48,227
And why do you want to be president?

84
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,412
I wanted ice cream, so I got in line...

85
00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:54,449
Okay, okay. He wanted ice cream.

86
00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:55,763
So what do we say, gang?

87
00:03:55,764 --> 00:03:56,970
Does he make it to the next round?

88
00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:58,372
By applause.

89
00:03:58,910 --> 00:04:01,709
Oh! We've got our first nominee.

90
00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:02,971
All right, the bar has been set.

91
00:04:02,972 --> 00:04:05,309
All right, stand to the side.
Stand to the side.

92
00:04:05,874 --> 00:04:07,067
You know what?

93
00:04:07,068 --> 00:04:09,392
At least worker bees can
set aside their egos

94
00:04:09,393 --> 00:04:11,601
and join together to
support a larger cause.

95
00:04:11,602 --> 00:04:15,377
Oh, right, because politics
are all about larger causes.

96
00:04:15,685 --> 00:04:16,646
Face it, Annie.

97
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:21,613
Politics are all about ego,
popularity, and parlor tricks.

98
00:04:21,614 --> 00:04:22,995
Don't kid a lawyer.

99
00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:25,736
Well, if I see one, I won't.

100
00:04:27,395 --> 00:04:30,179
Oh, it's a girl! Look at this.

101
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,427
She's got a yellow shirt and a hat.

102
00:04:32,428 --> 00:04:33,655
Who are you, sweetie?

103
00:04:33,656 --> 00:04:34,784
Uh, Vicki.

104
00:04:34,785 --> 00:04:36,838
Who's up for some Vicki, huh?

105
00:04:37,041 --> 00:04:39,757
Abed Nadir, I'm special
agent Robin Vohlers.

106
00:04:39,758 --> 00:04:40,632
This is special agent Keenlan

107
00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:42,124
of the United States Secret Service.

108
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:44,462
Will you submit to a search
of your personal belongings?

109
00:04:44,463 --> 00:04:45,518
Sure.

110
00:04:47,963 --> 00:04:49,717
If I may ask, how did you notice

111
00:04:49,718 --> 00:04:51,007
the campus was being observed?

112
00:04:51,008 --> 00:04:53,146
I guess I noticed because I'm
used to being the only observer.

113
00:04:53,275 --> 00:04:56,414
Well, we're not used to being noticed.

114
00:04:56,746 --> 00:04:58,169
That sounds a little sad.

115
00:05:00,328 --> 00:05:01,510
He's clean.

116
00:05:03,066 --> 00:05:04,986
Although I could issue a warning

117
00:05:04,987 --> 00:05:06,812
for this bootleg of The Last Airbender.

118
00:05:06,813 --> 00:05:08,143
Where were you a week ago?

119
00:05:11,674 --> 00:05:12,758
You can keep it.

120
00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:15,691
Well, another one makes the cut.

121
00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,222
Congratulations, Leonard.

122
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,719
Oh, yes, wonderful.

123
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,237
Next up, Annie Edison.

124
00:05:24,912 --> 00:05:26,966
My name is Annie Edison.

125
00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:29,769
And if elected, I promise to make Greendale

126
00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:33,189
the signature community college
of the entire western

127
00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:36,460
- 3/4 of the Greendale area.
- Annie!

128
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:40,753
Oh, whoa! Looks like you're
in the running, Annie.

129
00:05:40,819 --> 00:05:44,297
Looks like it is hard not to be. Next up...

130
00:05:44,298 --> 00:05:45,892
I'm sorry. Hey, I got the heat, I gotta go.

131
00:05:46,890 --> 00:05:50,029
I believe that humankind
need not be governed.

132
00:05:54,648 --> 00:05:55,909
I don't care.

133
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:59,653
Well, it's good to know there's
a floor on this thing.

134
00:05:59,654 --> 00:06:01,987
Thank you, miss Perry.

135
00:06:02,073 --> 00:06:04,852
Oh, Annie, I'm so proud of you.

136
00:06:04,853 --> 00:06:06,380
People love you.

137
00:06:06,381 --> 00:06:08,807
I believe this campus is a good place,

138
00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:11,104
filled with good people
who just need someone

139
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,580
to protect their interests.

140
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,684
Jeff Winger!

141
00:06:16,415 --> 00:06:19,646
My name is Jeff. I'm no politician.

142
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,047
I'm just a fella.

143
00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:25,083
I think that beer should be
cold and boots should be dusty.

144
00:06:25,304 --> 00:06:27,289
I think 9/11 was bad.

145
00:06:27,419 --> 00:06:31,667
And freedom, well, I think
that's just a little bit better.

146
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,776
Whoo! Yeah!

147
00:06:51,273 --> 00:06:52,301
The countdown has begun.

148
00:06:52,302 --> 00:06:54,240
And at 5:00 tonight, 
one student will be president

149
00:06:54,241 --> 00:06:55,720
while the rest will simply be.

150
00:06:55,721 --> 00:06:57,735
For Greendale campus TV, I'm Abed Nadir.

151
00:06:57,736 --> 00:07:01,258
I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes.
What? That's my name.

152
00:07:01,259 --> 00:07:03,173
As we head into the first
round of the debates,

153
00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:04,678
there are eight candidates in the lead.

154
00:07:04,679 --> 00:07:07,450
Annie Edison... smart, attractive,
but easily vexed.

155
00:07:07,451 --> 00:07:09,130
- Leonard Rodriguez...
- Did he change his last name?

156
00:07:09,131 --> 00:07:10,458
Yeah, he's trying to
court the Hispanic vote.

157
00:07:10,459 --> 00:07:11,665
Alex "Starburns" Osbourne...

158
00:07:11,666 --> 00:07:14,338
Creepy. Seems Greek.
Possible drug dealer.

159
00:07:14,339 --> 00:07:15,816
- Jeff Winger.
- Crowd favorite.

160
00:07:15,817 --> 00:07:16,863
They call him Hot Wings.

161
00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:18,440
- Magnitude.
- Short for Magnetic Attitude.

162
00:07:18,441 --> 00:07:19,700
He's a one-man party.

163
00:07:19,701 --> 00:07:21,436
Pierce Hawthorne. The wizard of wet wipes.

164
00:07:21,437 --> 00:07:22,460
I live with that dude.

165
00:07:22,461 --> 00:07:24,317
He's got night terrors and a rotary phone.

166
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:25,931
- Garrett.
- That guy's just a mess.

167
00:07:25,932 --> 00:07:27,333
It's like God spilled a person.

168
00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:30,374
- And Vicki.
- Yellow shirt, hat.

169
00:07:30,375 --> 00:07:33,573
Girl... you know, you gotta ask
yourself right now, Abed.

170
00:07:34,260 --> 00:07:36,839
- What's up with politics?
- Yeah, yeah.

171
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:37,972
You're precisely right, Troy.

172
00:07:37,973 --> 00:07:39,171
You know, I hear they're
getting ready to start,

173
00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:41,044
so we'll turn it over to
coverage of the debates.

174
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:46,925
Who's that?

175
00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:49,260
Special agent Vohlers.
United States Secret Service.

176
00:07:49,531 --> 00:07:51,906
Do you just constantly have your
own little side adventures?

177
00:07:51,907 --> 00:07:52,855
Yep.

178
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,779
Me too.

179
00:07:59,495 --> 00:08:00,442
Hmm.

180
00:08:00,443 --> 00:08:02,217
Jeff, knock it off.

181
00:08:02,218 --> 00:08:03,458
You're not running sincerely.

182
00:08:03,459 --> 00:08:05,228
You're not even interested
in student government.

183
00:08:05,229 --> 00:08:07,151
I know, and yet, the people love me.

184
00:08:07,152 --> 00:08:09,585
It's almost as if politics
were a huge joke.

185
00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:11,463
Okay, look.

186
00:08:11,464 --> 00:08:13,338
I'm sorry I asked you to hang my fliers,

187
00:08:13,339 --> 00:08:15,340
but I suggest you drop out right now,

188
00:08:15,341 --> 00:08:16,676
because not only will I beat you,

189
00:08:16,677 --> 00:08:17,824
I will make you cry.

190
00:08:17,825 --> 00:08:18,790
Mmm.

191
00:08:18,954 --> 00:08:21,325
Oh, I feel a slight ego

192
00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:22,428
blowing in from the east.

193
00:08:22,429 --> 00:08:24,192
You're gonna feel my foot
blowing in from the south.

194
00:08:24,193 --> 00:08:25,365
Bring it on, Ponce de Leon.

195
00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:27,208
I'm gonna, Greg Muldunna.

196
00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:29,532
It's a real guy.

197
00:08:29,533 --> 00:08:30,723
He owns a mattress store downtown.

198
00:08:30,724 --> 00:08:31,968
You can look it up.

199
00:08:33,697 --> 00:08:34,904
Hey, Vicki.

200
00:08:35,024 --> 00:08:36,109
Psst!

201
00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:39,611
Vicki, look at me. Psst!

202
00:08:40,497 --> 00:08:42,599
- I'm going to crush you.
- Pierce!

203
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:43,395
Stop that!

204
00:08:43,396 --> 00:08:44,801
I'm gonna eat your brains, Vicki.

205
00:08:44,835 --> 00:08:46,633
I'm gonna slurp 'em right out of that melon

206
00:08:46,634 --> 00:08:47,389
you call a head.

207
00:08:47,390 --> 00:08:49,139
A reminder to all candidates:

208
00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:51,208
Your microphones are currently on.

209
00:08:51,209 --> 00:08:53,429
Well, they better be,
'cause I'm on fire up here.

210
00:08:54,456 --> 00:08:56,435
You freak people out, you know that?

211
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,893
You look weird...

212
00:08:58,824 --> 00:09:00,194
Because of your overbite.

213
00:09:00,195 --> 00:09:02,411
Okay, let's just get started.

214
00:09:02,412 --> 00:09:06,498
Welcome to the Greendale Community
College presidential debate.

215
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,608
Candidates, if elected, what will you do?

216
00:09:10,828 --> 00:09:11,920
Oh, Annie?

217
00:09:11,921 --> 00:09:14,640
I'm running on a platform
of school improvement.

218
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,912
If I'm elected, the black mold

219
00:09:16,913 --> 00:09:19,198
will be removed from the east stairwell.

220
00:09:19,199 --> 00:09:22,075
The assailant known only
as "the asscrack bandit"

221
00:09:22,076 --> 00:09:23,756
will be brought to justice.

222
00:09:23,757 --> 00:09:26,181
And I will balance the school's budget

223
00:09:26,182 --> 00:09:29,044
by eliminating administrative redundancies.

224
00:09:30,071 --> 00:09:31,849
Okay. I'm in the room.

225
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:33,725
Thank you, miss Edison.

226
00:09:33,856 --> 00:09:34,824
Mr. Winger?

227
00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:36,589
Well, that's an important question.

228
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,760
And it's important to students like Jeremy,

229
00:09:39,761 --> 00:09:42,377
who told me today that he
is majoring in Astronomy

230
00:09:42,378 --> 00:09:44,446
and is supporting two children.

231
00:09:44,712 --> 00:09:47,441
It's an important question to Maria,

232
00:09:47,442 --> 00:09:50,291
who's a beautiful Latina born in Nicaragua,

233
00:09:50,292 --> 00:09:51,941
working in the cafeteria.

234
00:09:52,041 --> 00:09:53,982
What will I do, dean?

235
00:09:53,983 --> 00:09:57,083
Well, these people don't
want me to say what I'll do.

236
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,148
They want me to do what I'll say.

237
00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:01,229
Oh.

238
00:10:03,758 --> 00:10:05,854
They love it when you
shuffle the words around.

239
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,611
Magnitude?

240
00:10:07,772 --> 00:10:08,933
Pop! Pop!

241
00:10:08,934 --> 00:10:10,179
Oh, no!

242
00:10:12,371 --> 00:10:13,594
Same question.

243
00:10:13,595 --> 00:10:14,809
Same answer.

244
00:10:14,858 --> 00:10:15,931
Pop! Pop!

245
00:10:15,932 --> 00:10:17,152
Oh!

246
00:10:18,987 --> 00:10:20,905
Mind if I ask you a few
questions, Mr. Nadir?

247
00:10:20,906 --> 00:10:21,859
Okay.

248
00:10:21,978 --> 00:10:23,029
Was there a specific reason

249
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:24,646
you had to repeat the first grade?

250
00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:26,136
Well, from what I'm told,

251
00:10:26,137 --> 00:10:27,347
I didn't know how to use scissors,

252
00:10:27,348 --> 00:10:28,452
I sat in the middle of the seesaw,

253
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,259
and I always found the distinction

254
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:30,890
between duck and goose
to be very arbitrary.

255
00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:32,602
Couldn't you just pick the
sixth kid every time?

256
00:10:32,603 --> 00:10:33,809
That's what I...

257
00:10:34,666 --> 00:10:35,941
Would have done.

258
00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:37,555
I went with four.

259
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,026
Geez, get a room, you two.

260
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,853
Pierce Hawthorne, your platform?

261
00:10:44,854 --> 00:10:46,610
My platform will be one high enough

262
00:10:46,611 --> 00:10:48,600
to push Vicki off to her death.

263
00:10:48,601 --> 00:10:49,728
Ugh!

264
00:10:50,103 --> 00:10:51,371
Vicki!

265
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:52,981
It looks like Vicki is out of the race.

266
00:10:52,982 --> 00:10:54,456
Oh, well, then I am too.

267
00:10:54,457 --> 00:10:55,894
I was only here to get back at her

268
00:10:55,895 --> 00:10:57,437
for not lending me a pencil.

269
00:10:57,501 --> 00:10:59,127
Okay. Wow.

270
00:10:59,532 --> 00:11:00,321
Uh, well...

271
00:11:00,322 --> 00:11:01,906
Can we get back on track here?

272
00:11:01,907 --> 00:11:03,946
I just want to get the black mold

273
00:11:03,947 --> 00:11:05,727
out of the east stairwell.

274
00:11:05,728 --> 00:11:09,756
I just want to clean up Greendale.

275
00:11:09,757 --> 00:11:11,488
Are you saying Greendale is dirty?

276
00:11:11,489 --> 00:11:13,553
Oh, boo.

277
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,343
- Boo.
- Well...

278
00:11:16,088 --> 00:11:17,422
Of course it's dirty.

279
00:11:17,423 --> 00:11:18,581
Everyone knows that.

280
00:11:18,582 --> 00:11:19,803
I don't, Annie.

281
00:11:20,315 --> 00:11:21,719
I think it's clean.

282
00:11:21,829 --> 00:11:23,509
I think it's the cleanest school

283
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:25,302
in the entire country.

284
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:26,315
You know it is.

285
00:11:26,316 --> 00:11:27,091
Looks like Jeff Winger's really

286
00:11:27,092 --> 00:11:28,314
got this thing in the bag.

287
00:11:28,315 --> 00:11:29,247
Sure does, Troy.

288
00:11:29,248 --> 00:11:30,351
Say what you will about this or that,

289
00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:31,655
but people just like the guy.

290
00:11:32,219 --> 00:11:35,421
Read my lips...

291
00:11:35,953 --> 00:11:38,545
No matter what you're told...

292
00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:41,862
We have to clean the mold.

293
00:11:42,149 --> 00:11:44,714
No matter what you're told...

294
00:11:44,715 --> 00:11:47,199
We have to clean the mold!

295
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,278
That's right, people!

296
00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:50,520
No matter what you're told...

297
00:11:50,521 --> 00:11:52,672
We have to clean the mold.

298
00:11:52,673 --> 00:11:53,476
- Come on.
- Yeah!

299
00:11:53,477 --> 00:11:55,151
Well, this is interesting.

300
00:11:55,152 --> 00:11:56,506
Annie Edison has reduced her platform

301
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,163
to one issue and turned that
issue into a sound bite.

302
00:11:59,164 --> 00:12:02,145
And it rhymes and people love it.

303
00:12:02,285 --> 00:12:04,050
This election's become a real horse race.

304
00:12:04,051 --> 00:12:06,138
According to our polls,
the campus is almost

305
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:07,142
evenly divided.

306
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,603
Now keep in mind the margin of error

307
00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:09,844
on this thing is about 98%.

308
00:12:09,845 --> 00:12:10,583
Could be higher.

309
00:12:10,584 --> 00:12:11,723
We don't even know how
to do margins of error.

310
00:12:11,724 --> 00:12:12,883
We talked to two people
at a vending machine.

311
00:12:12,884 --> 00:12:14,564
Well, I'm being told we're
taking a quick break,

312
00:12:14,565 --> 00:12:16,054
- but stay tuned.
- They have to stay tuned.

313
00:12:16,055 --> 00:12:17,812
- It's closed circuit television.
- Don't know what that means.

314
00:12:17,813 --> 00:12:19,071
And we're out.

315
00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:22,452
Can I get an apple juice, please?

316
00:12:22,453 --> 00:12:24,827
Freshly squeezed this time
or so help me God, Maurice.

317
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,947
Abed, those guys in the suits

318
00:12:26,948 --> 00:12:29,633
are trashing your dorm room real bad, bro.

319
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:38,785
What are you doing?

320
00:12:38,786 --> 00:12:40,173
Random spot check, Mr. Nadir.

321
00:12:40,174 --> 00:12:41,366
Stay out of our way.

322
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:42,521
Nothing suspicious.

323
00:12:42,522 --> 00:12:44,402
Glenn, bring the car around.

324
00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:49,673
What are you looking for, Robin?

325
00:12:49,674 --> 00:12:51,877
Fertilizer, car battery, PVC piping,

326
00:12:51,878 --> 00:12:52,991
anything suspicious.

327
00:12:52,992 --> 00:12:54,436
Because you think I'm suspicious?

328
00:12:56,362 --> 00:12:59,015
Or because you wish I was suspicious,

329
00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:00,315
so that you would have an
excuse to see more of me.

330
00:13:00,316 --> 00:13:01,376
This was a random spot check.

331
00:13:01,377 --> 00:13:03,189
- Do you like me?
- That's not really relevant.

332
00:13:05,228 --> 00:13:06,612
That's close enough.

333
00:13:07,273 --> 00:13:08,524
Are you sure?

334
00:13:09,728 --> 00:13:11,182
You smell like nice soap.

335
00:13:12,096 --> 00:13:13,316
I have to go.

336
00:13:16,432 --> 00:13:17,841
I'm sorry you weren't a more obvious

337
00:13:17,842 --> 00:13:19,684
potential threat to the country.

338
00:13:25,086 --> 00:13:27,981
People are pretty excited
about this black mold issue.

339
00:13:27,982 --> 00:13:28,736
We'll see.

340
00:13:28,737 --> 00:13:29,864
For my closing statement, I'm thinking

341
00:13:29,865 --> 00:13:31,726
about smashing a watermelon with a hammer.

342
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:34,008
Jeff, if I admit politics are stupid,

343
00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:35,665
will you stop making them stupid?

344
00:13:35,666 --> 00:13:37,040
You're gonna split the vote and Starburns

345
00:13:37,041 --> 00:13:38,259
is gonna end up president.

346
00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:40,624
I'm the only one up here who's
trying to get something done.

347
00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:43,153
And you deserve to be allowed to do it?

348
00:13:43,228 --> 00:13:45,492
You're entitled to be president?

349
00:13:45,633 --> 00:13:47,867
The gloves are coming off.
You understand me?

350
00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:50,355
I have an audio-visual presentation.

351
00:13:50,356 --> 00:13:51,537
Wow. I'm shaking.

352
00:13:51,538 --> 00:13:53,400
You should be. You should be.

353
00:13:53,401 --> 00:13:56,059
All right, let us resume.

354
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:58,840
Star-burns, we haven't heard from you

355
00:13:58,841 --> 00:14:00,192
on this black mold issue.

356
00:14:00,193 --> 00:14:02,205
Yeah, I actually withdraw my candidacy.

357
00:14:02,206 --> 00:14:04,745
I fear a political career will shine

358
00:14:04,746 --> 00:14:06,772
a negative light on my drug dealing.

359
00:14:06,773 --> 00:14:08,008
Thank you.

360
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:11,783
Dean, before this election
stops being about the issues,

361
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,021
I have a question for my opponents.

362
00:14:14,426 --> 00:14:16,051
What's your favorite color?

363
00:14:16,052 --> 00:14:17,767
Mine's a three-way tie.

364
00:14:17,942 --> 00:14:21,270
Red, white, and blue.

365
00:14:22,789 --> 00:14:24,542
Magnitude, a response?

366
00:14:24,543 --> 00:14:26,151
I think you know, dean.

367
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,865
Pop! Pop!

368
00:14:32,963 --> 00:14:34,135
Oh, I set him up.

369
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:36,516
I have an audio-visual presentation, dean.

370
00:14:36,517 --> 00:14:38,051
Oh, well, that sounds interesting.

371
00:14:38,052 --> 00:14:39,498
What's your presentation, Annie?

372
00:14:39,499 --> 00:14:41,796
My presentation is a copy of Jeff Winger's

373
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:45,431
1997 audition tape for
MTV's The Real World.

374
00:14:45,432 --> 00:14:46,898
What? What?

375
00:14:47,044 --> 00:14:49,167
Let's just roll it. Thanks.

376
00:14:50,837 --> 00:14:52,982
Hey, I'm Jeff Winger and I'd love

377
00:14:52,983 --> 00:14:55,534
to be on MTV's Real World: Seattle.

378
00:14:55,535 --> 00:14:57,029
So check this out.

379
00:15:00,958 --> 00:15:02,886
♪ Well I guess it would be nice ♪

380
00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:05,894
♪ if I could be on MTV ♪

381
00:15:05,895 --> 00:15:08,376
♪ so please please take a look at me ♪

382
00:15:08,377 --> 00:15:10,783
♪ for the real world ♪

383
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,543
♪ Oh I'm gonna apply twice ♪

384
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:13,915
Where the hell did you get that?

385
00:15:13,916 --> 00:15:16,763
Folks, who do you want
shaking Joe Biden's hand

386
00:15:16,764 --> 00:15:18,169
at 5:00 P.M.?

387
00:15:18,281 --> 00:15:20,482
Me or...

388
00:15:21,293 --> 00:15:23,579
Shut up! I was, like, 19.

389
00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:26,772
We've all been 19, Jeff,
and none of us did this.

390
00:15:26,903 --> 00:15:27,922
None of us.

391
00:15:29,932 --> 00:15:31,364
Pop! Pop!

392
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,136
I hate you!

393
00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:34,675
I hate this school!

394
00:15:35,273 --> 00:15:37,924
And I hope you all get
black mold poisoning!

395
00:15:37,925 --> 00:15:38,839
Oh, Jeffrey, no!

396
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,016
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

397
00:15:41,017 --> 00:15:42,526
Oh, Jeffrey, no.

398
00:15:53,807 --> 00:15:55,203
Are you in here?

399
00:15:56,007 --> 00:15:57,998
Yeah, to be alone.

400
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,377
I've already established the
men's room doesn't work.

401
00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,205
You have an apartment.

402
00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:03,410
There are people in the parking lot

403
00:16:03,411 --> 00:16:04,808
singing that song.

404
00:16:05,508 --> 00:16:07,051
I went too far.

405
00:16:07,483 --> 00:16:08,486
I'm sorry.

406
00:16:08,487 --> 00:16:10,412
I didn't know it would be that bad.

407
00:16:10,551 --> 00:16:11,662
You knew.

408
00:16:11,663 --> 00:16:12,962
You didn't care.

409
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,321
But don't apologize.

410
00:16:14,322 --> 00:16:16,006
I got what I deserved.

411
00:16:16,495 --> 00:16:19,826
I am a gross, jaded adult

412
00:16:19,827 --> 00:16:21,681
with control issues that couldn't let

413
00:16:21,682 --> 00:16:25,249
a young, bright, idealistic
kid run for president.

414
00:16:28,684 --> 00:16:30,730
Wait, isn't there a final round of debates?

415
00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:32,857
Yeah. I...

416
00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:34,547
You guys!

417
00:16:34,548 --> 00:16:35,348
You're missing it!

418
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:37,086
Troy, I'm out.

419
00:16:37,092 --> 00:16:38,026
Me too.

420
00:16:38,027 --> 00:16:39,669
I withdrew my candidacy.

421
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:41,397
Nobody that treats a
friend the way that I did

422
00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:42,961
is fit to represent the student body.

423
00:16:42,962 --> 00:16:44,988
Uh, yeah, I know you're both out.

424
00:16:44,989 --> 00:16:46,518
I'm saying you're missing it.

425
00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:48,787
It's the political showdown of the century.

426
00:16:48,788 --> 00:16:49,886
Come on.

427
00:16:49,918 --> 00:16:51,274
Pop! Pop!

428
00:16:52,293 --> 00:16:53,651
Pop! Pop!

429
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:55,935
Pop! Pop!

430
00:16:56,579 --> 00:16:58,051
Pop! Pop!

431
00:16:58,107 --> 00:16:59,659
You should have stayed in the running.

432
00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:01,145
You're the only real candidate.

433
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:04,236
No, I was just another jerk
trying to win a contest.

434
00:17:04,537 --> 00:17:05,905
You were right the whole time.

435
00:17:05,906 --> 00:17:07,588
I just couldn't admit it until I saw you

436
00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:09,519
running away crying.

437
00:17:09,922 --> 00:17:10,943
Yay.

438
00:17:10,944 --> 00:17:13,577
I care what you think about me, you know?

439
00:17:13,578 --> 00:17:16,653
Yeah, well, I care what you think about me.

440
00:17:17,193 --> 00:17:18,482
That's why this happened.

441
00:17:18,483 --> 00:17:19,920
Okay, well...

442
00:17:21,186 --> 00:17:22,997
Resolved, then.

443
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,094
Resolved.

444
00:17:28,302 --> 00:17:30,388
When we seek to destroy others,

445
00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:32,562
we often hurt our self.

446
00:17:33,735 --> 00:17:37,268
Because it is the self that
wants to be destroyed.

447
00:17:37,586 --> 00:17:40,298
Pierce, you're not usually so poignant.

448
00:17:40,299 --> 00:17:44,133
Well, Vicki finally lent me her pencil.

449
00:17:44,134 --> 00:17:45,767
Oh, my God! Pierce!

450
00:17:45,768 --> 00:17:47,323
Go to the health center!

451
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:48,743
Yeah.

452
00:17:49,875 --> 00:17:52,097
Well, we've finally reached
the end of election road.

453
00:17:52,098 --> 00:17:54,197
Arguments have been made,
pops have been popped.

454
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,267
Hearts have been stirred, perhaps broken.

455
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,036
The only thing that remains
is to tally the vote

456
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,217
in this matchup between the youthful,

457
00:18:01,218 --> 00:18:02,954
charismatic Magnitude,

458
00:18:02,955 --> 00:18:04,896
and the Leonard "the Human Raisin" 
Rodriguez.

459
00:18:04,897 --> 00:18:06,861
Two men fighting for the
same piece of earth.

460
00:18:07,142 --> 00:18:09,118
One recently born. One soon to die.

461
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,835
A competition reflecting
the pointlessness of life.

462
00:18:12,632 --> 00:18:14,514
Pull up, Abed. You're in a nosedive.

463
00:18:14,622 --> 00:18:16,600
I'm being told now that dean Pelton

464
00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:17,519
is prepared to announce a winner.

465
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,454
We take you now live to across the room.

466
00:18:19,455 --> 00:18:22,013
Okay. Here we go.

467
00:18:22,014 --> 00:18:23,675
Thank you, Sergio.

468
00:18:23,758 --> 00:18:25,661
With 11 votes cast...

469
00:18:25,662 --> 00:18:27,789
11? Come on, people.

470
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:32,946
The landslide winner of
the student election

471
00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:37,124
with seven votes is...

472
00:18:37,125 --> 00:18:38,556
South Park.

473
00:18:39,469 --> 00:18:41,326
Okay. You know what?

474
00:18:41,327 --> 00:18:43,382
I seem to recall this is why we abolished

475
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:45,120
student government in the first place.

476
00:18:45,121 --> 00:18:47,911
This is exactly what
happened ten years ago.

477
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:51,414
Hey, how hard is it to
get rid of black mold?

478
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,789
What do we need, buckets and sponges?

479
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,689
I don't actually know.

480
00:18:57,355 --> 00:18:58,648
We'll look it up.

481
00:18:59,974 --> 00:19:01,139
M'lady.

482
00:19:01,435 --> 00:19:02,609
Well, there you have it.

483
00:19:02,610 --> 00:19:04,064
In a shocking write-in upset,

484
00:19:04,065 --> 00:19:06,445
the Comedy Central cartoon
series South Park

485
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:09,075
has been elected president of
the Greendale student body.

486
00:19:09,076 --> 00:19:10,950
Not that shocking to me. I voted for it.

487
00:19:11,022 --> 00:19:11,948
- For real?
- Mm-hmm.

488
00:19:11,949 --> 00:19:13,392
Me too. Aww.

489
00:19:13,492 --> 00:19:15,171
We can never stop being friends.

490
00:19:15,562 --> 00:19:16,931
As the confetti gets swept away

491
00:19:16,932 --> 00:19:18,582
and we begin gearing up
for next year's election,

492
00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,802
for GCTV, I'm Abed Nadir saying,

493
00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:21,581
"Did you know you could make napalm

494
00:19:21,582 --> 00:19:23,453
out of common dish soap and cat food?"

495
00:19:23,908 --> 00:19:25,064
What?

496
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,263
Why would you say that?

497
00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:35,570
- Vohlers.
- Hmm?

498
00:19:35,571 --> 00:19:36,553
Yeah.

499
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:39,192
I'm sorry, sir.

500
00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:40,707
We're gonna have to move
on to city college.

501
00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:43,017
Apparently there's an elevated
threat level at Greendale.

502
00:19:43,186 --> 00:19:44,013
But don't worry.

503
00:19:44,014 --> 00:19:46,675
I'll check it out...Personally.

504
00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:47,713
Whatever.

505
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:53,590
I had a dream I was the regular president.

506
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,515
You've done so much for our city.

507
00:20:01,516 --> 00:20:05,418
Kickpuncher, is there anything
that we can give you?

508
00:20:06,159 --> 00:20:08,452
Don't call me Kickpuncher.

509
00:20:08,590 --> 00:20:11,114
Call me...David.

510
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,093
This was fun.

511
00:20:25,518 --> 00:20:26,561
Maybe you can observe me having dinner

512
00:20:26,562 --> 00:20:27,965
next time you're in town.

513
00:20:28,113 --> 00:20:30,009
Honk twice for "yes," once for "no."

514
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:36,380
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

515
00:20:36,580 --> 00:20:46,780
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