1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:03,602
Dean Pelton:
Don't forget, Greendale.
2
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:06,005
It's the last day to sign up
for a spring semester elective!
3
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:07,272
Horseback riding!
4
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:09,408
Water skiing!
Fencing!
5
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,244
Those are just a few classes
we can afford to offer
6
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:14,480
if enough people
pay to learn hopscotch.
7
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,448
Oh, they've got a class
on how to write jokes.
8
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,583
Oh, don't take that.
9
00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,284
I dropped it
after the lesson on setups.
10
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,820
The Professor is so old...
11
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So many classes.
12
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I don't know what to choose.
13
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I'll give you the same advice
my father gave me
14
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the night I lost my virginity.
15
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"Just pick one.
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They all cost the same."
17
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You could always take
18
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:36,702
"The Actor Inside"
with me and Troy.
19
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,572
How'd you get dragged
into that one?
20
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,808
Our dance teacher encourages
us to take acting classes
21
00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:44,209
to tap into
our emotional cores,
22
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,845
so Troy and I both decided
to take it together.
23
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Hmm. Foosball was full?
24
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I'm on the wait list.
25
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Don't give up.
26
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I was on the wait list
for this media class
27
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,219
for a year and a half
and I finally got in.
28
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"Who Indeed:
A Critical Analysis
29
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,222
of Television's
Who's the Boss?"
30
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The professor of this class
is the author of this book.
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- We got him?
- I know.
32
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So what are you taking, Jeff?
33
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,429
Well, while you knuckleheads
34
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:04,596
are expanding
your minds and souls,
35
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:05,964
I'll be expanding my liver
36
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,733
in "Italian Wine Tasting."
37
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:08,867
Oh! Molto bene!
38
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I'm taking that one, too.
39
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,238
Hmm. How do you say
"ha ha" in Italian?
40
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:14,940
I'll look it up.
41
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:16,775
Come on, Jeff, it'll be fun.
I can give you pointers.
42
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,844
Pierce, I was a lawyer
at a top-tier law firm.
43
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:20,979
When I wasn't shielding
the wealthy from justice,
44
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I was drinking
their finest wines.
45
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I assume you have
your own wine cellar.
46
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Pierce does.
47
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And it's, "ha ha!"
48
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Anyone can have a cellar.
49
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:29,621
It's what's in it that counts.
50
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,091
Pierce's has a special gym
with swings and saddles.
51
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:34,293
Uh, we don't... we don't
discuss the special gym.
52
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,929
Man on P.A.: [Spanish accent]
Uh, attention, please.
53
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,832
All elective forms must be in
54
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,333
by the end of the day.
55
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Dean Pelton on P.A.:
Oh, nice job, Manuel.
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00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:45,804
And good news.
There's still plenty of room
57
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,639
in my P.A. Announcements class.
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00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,508
Just ten bucks an hour.
59
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,679
♪ Give me some rope,
time in a tree ♪
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00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:57,082
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
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00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,319
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪
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00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:04,289
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
63
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:09,361
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
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00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:13,632
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪
65
00:02:13,832 --> 00:02:19,032
Corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:20,806
You're taking this, too?
67
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:21,840
Hell, yeah.
68
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,209
Got drunk ladies,
fancy bathrooms,
69
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:27,746
and a room full of free coats.
70
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,014
Sorry I'm late, man.
71
00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:30,048
I brought you a present.
72
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,416
Oh.
73
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,585
From before
your chin dimple filled in.
74
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,756
[Chinese accent]
Uh, excuse me.
75
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,158
- So sorry.
- Hmm!
76
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:41,226
Wow.
77
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:43,996
Who is the dumpling
with the nice Asian pair?
78
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:46,398
That's the first time
sexism has made me hungry,
79
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,033
but she is something.
80
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,302
I fear I may have
to let her see me nude.
81
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,004
I might have to take
a shot myself.
82
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,406
- [Laughs]
- What's so funny?
83
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,675
Well, why would a woman
want a Plymouth on cinder blocks
84
00:02:56,709 --> 00:02:58,777
when she could have
a Testarossa, 500 horsepower
85
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,112
with a six-speed stick?
86
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:02,681
'Cause my stick is ribbed
for her pleasure.
87
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:03,815
I think those are wrinkles.
88
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,319
Let that breathe.
89
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,388
[Sniffs]
90
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,192
Lingering scent, full body,
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00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,493
perfect nose.
92
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,761
Very nice wine.
93
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,262
I was talking about you.
94
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:19,064
Jeff Winger.
95
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:20,566
Wu Mei Hong Long.
96
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,834
Oh, what a lovely name
for a lovely...
97
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,670
Uh, not interested.
98
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,638
Please take weird haircut,
99
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,307
stupid grin,
100
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,776
and go sniff another dog's ass.
101
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,681
Hmm hmm, the red dragon
ordered a number 37
102
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,083
with a side
of pork-fried snap.
103
00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:39,418
[Laughing]
104
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,223
When you get up close,
she's very homely.
105
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,293
This is gonna be fun.
106
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:49,928
I can't wait
till we choose stage names.
107
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,330
Which do you think is better?
108
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:54,166
Trevor St. McGoodbody
or David?
109
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,068
I don't think you have
to worry about stuff like that.
110
00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:57,903
This class is
more about introspection.
111
00:03:57,937 --> 00:04:00,872
Drag.
112
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,376
Less of a drag.
113
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,545
Quiet!
114
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,648
Form a trust circle around me
115
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:10,916
and sit on the floor.
116
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A trust circle?
117
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,619
It's just a circle.
118
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:14,720
It's a circle.
Sit down.
119
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:21,360
Acting is revealing,
expression.
120
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,962
When we release pain,
121
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,698
we become visible
to each other,
122
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:29,468
and that is an actor's job.
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00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,203
That and, you know,
124
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,071
pretending to be other people.
125
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,273
Let's start with you.
126
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,909
Access and share with us
127
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,345
a profoundly deep
and painful memory.
128
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,782
I'm on the playground.
129
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:46,351
Stop taunting me!
130
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:48,153
[Panting]
131
00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:49,888
I just want to go
on the swings!
132
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,456
[Crying]
Good.
133
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:54,660
Early childhood
is a treasure trove of pain.
134
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:56,094
That happened this morning.
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00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,865
[Applause]
136
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,066
You're up.
137
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,668
Me? Um...
138
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,102
I don't...
I don't think, uh...
139
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,604
I don't want you to think.
140
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:06,638
Feel!
141
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,106
Go back.
142
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,475
Dig in. Emotilize.
143
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:13,045
Something hurt you.
144
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,246
Um...
145
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,748
I was captain
of my high school football team.
146
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:18,917
[Students groan]
147
00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:24,022
[Emotionally]
It was very hard being popular.
148
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,525
[Students moan]
What a loser.
149
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:27,826
Okay, great.
Next person.
150
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:30,095
I've always felt
somehow ignored,
151
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:32,464
almost invisible.
152
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:35,100
Like every time I go to say
something, somebody just...
153
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:36,568
My uncle put his finger
in my no-no!
154
00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:38,603
[Students gasp]
155
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,112
This... this
is where acting begins.
156
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:50,082
[Applause]
157
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:58,824
Welcome to "A Critical
Analysis of Who's the Boss?"
158
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,360
I am Professor Peter Sheffield,
159
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:06,765
and I'd like to begin
with a simple question...
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00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,367
Who was the boss?
161
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:11,636
[Laughter]
162
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:13,905
Yes.
163
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:14,906
Angela.
164
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,175
[Laughter]
165
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,145
Oh, well!
Class dismissed!
166
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,880
[Laughter]
167
00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:23,749
No, calm down.
Calm down.
168
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:26,385
I'm sorry, um...
169
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:28,253
- Mister...?
- Abed.
170
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:31,723
The answer is not
quite that simple, Mr. Abed.
171
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,225
Few are.
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00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:34,393
[Laughter]
173
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:37,929
Now, if everyone
could please turn to page 12
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00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:38,964
in my book...
175
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[Cough] Loser!
176
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,601
You really have to finish
that whole book by tomorrow?
177
00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:44,136
Yeah, but it's a page-turner.
178
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:45,871
I'm on the chapter where he
traces Tony Micelli's genealogy
179
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,406
all the way back to Caesar.
180
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,307
Well, it's gotta be better
than wine tasting with Pierce.
181
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,909
He refused to drink Pinot Noir
182
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:52,377
because he thought it was French
for "black penis."
183
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,579
And he's late. Again.
184
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,448
It's not your fault.
185
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:57,816
It's not your fault.
186
00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:00,652
[Mouths words]
187
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,120
Oh, I'm sure he'll be here.
188
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,256
He wouldn't miss a chance to pop
in and say something offensive.
189
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:05,323
One day soon, that man's gonna
190
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,658
run out of ways
to shock people.
191
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:07,726
Everybody,
192
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,494
this is Wu Mei,
193
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:11,596
and we're getting married!
194
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,733
But it's not gonna be today.
195
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,408
So, uh, you're getting married
196
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,010
to that beautiful young thing?
197
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:27,479
Well, uh, stranger things
have happened.
198
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:28,713
No.
No, they haven't.
199
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,649
You said you guys just met?
200
00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:32,017
Yesterday,
after wine tasting class.
201
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,352
I mentioned
that her breasts were larger
202
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,687
than most Asian women,
203
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:38,023
and, uh,
we just got to talking.
204
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:40,692
Turns out Pierce has been
to China many times.
205
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:42,060
It's the only place
to get fireworks
206
00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:43,128
that are too dangerous
for Mexico.
207
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:45,230
No. I go
to visit my factory.
208
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,899
Hawthorne Wipes are the number
one moist towelette in Asia.
209
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:50,235
Anyway, after a few minutes,
we both just knew
210
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:52,304
we were meant to be
together forever.
211
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:54,606
Or at least
until she gets heavy.
212
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,876
And, uh, now we must leave you.
213
00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:59,878
Many plans to make.
214
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:03,148
[Laughs]
Yes, yes, big plans.
215
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:05,684
Well, what are we gonna do?
216
00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:06,985
Plan an engagement party?
217
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,520
Are you out of your mind?!
This is a scam.
218
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:11,590
She's after him for his money
or a green card or something!
219
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:13,058
They seem
to really like each other.
220
00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:14,826
Yeah, and Pierce married
three of his wives
221
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,294
after knowing them
less than a month.
222
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,395
Maybe he's just a romantic.
223
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,164
Not that you
would understand romance.
224
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:20,966
Don't preach to me
about romance, Annie.
225
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,102
I had a three-way
in a hot air balloon.
226
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:25,871
Guess I'll do it myself.
227
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,173
- Want to go?
- Mm-hmm.
228
00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:31,042
Boy, he seems really worked up.
229
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:33,278
Hey, don't take on his pain.
230
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:35,146
Tend your own garden.
231
00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:40,085
I'll see you in class.
232
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,890
What's going on?
233
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:47,425
Oh, um, I didn't have
a painful experience
234
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,461
to share in acting class,
so I made up this story
235
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:51,296
about my uncle trying
to touch my butt.
236
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,731
Britta's attracted
to men in pain.
237
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,332
It helps her pretend
to be mentally healthy.
238
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,367
- Really?
- Yeah.
239
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:56,735
I hadn't noticed.
240
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:59,104
Troy? Nothing good
can come of this.
241
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,805
Yeah.
242
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,474
I'll have to think really hard
243
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:04,242
about how to defuse
the situation.
244
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,777
No, uncle Lucius!
245
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:08,313
I don't want to play
in the laundry room!
246
00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,215
[Crying] My emotions!
247
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,384
My emotions!
248
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:15,253
[Applause]
249
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,691
Actors dismissed.
250
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,093
Uh, for homework,
251
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:25,397
drink a glass of cognac
in a bathtub.
252
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:30,101
Troy, I feel like I'm seeing
a whole different side of you.
253
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,037
There's just so much darkness.
254
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,774
And my soul is darkening,
255
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:40,378
and my heart is mad
at my kidneys, and...
256
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,013
My mouth...Mm!
257
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,285
See you tomorrow?
258
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,225
Uh, hello.
259
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,527
Oh, hi.
I'm glad you could come.
260
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:56,962
Please sit.
261
00:09:56,996 --> 00:10:00,999
I felt like we got off
on the wrong foot yesterday,
262
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:04,069
and I wanted to offer you
my, uh, other foot.
263
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:07,806
First, let me just say how happy
I am for you both.
264
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,074
Your parents
must be so excited.
265
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,175
Are they coming to the wedding?
266
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,077
Oh, they would not miss it.
267
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,547
My mother will make
the customary shark's fin soup,
268
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,015
and my father will get drunk
269
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:19,584
and make bad impression
of Borat.
270
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,419
[Laughs]
Oh, so your parents don't mind
271
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,355
having a son-in-law
roughly their age?
272
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:27,459
No. Pierce
is a beautiful, wise man,
273
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:29,628
very gentle soul.
274
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,364
Uh, let me tell you
that I am a lawyer,
275
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:34,132
so if you need any help at all
276
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,935
navigating the whole green card
immigration hassle.
277
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,070
I am dual citizen already.
278
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:42,007
Oh. Well, if you'd like me to
look at the prenup...
279
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,875
I assume you have one.
280
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,878
Yes, but my father's lawyers
will take care of this.
281
00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:50,548
After all, we must protect
our family fortune.
282
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,384
Hmm.
283
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:53,585
Now I'm stumped.
284
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:54,586
Excuse me?
285
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,054
Uh, it was...
286
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:58,456
That means it was very nice
talking to you.
287
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,125
Oh, okay, if you say so.
288
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,860
- Okay.
- Okay, good-bye.
289
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:06,398
Why were you grilling her?
290
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:09,701
Listen, I'm gonna bust
into her apartment.
291
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,036
Do you have
any grappling hooks.
292
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,771
Maybe Pierce finally found
his soul mate.
293
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:15,006
How can you say those things
without any trace of irony?
294
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,108
That's why they call me
irony-free Annie.
295
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:19,944
Mm, trust me,
that's not what they call you.
296
00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:28,586
Yes?
297
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,222
Oh. Mr. Abed.
What can I do for you?
298
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,657
I finished your book,
Professor,
299
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,626
and I've been watching episodes
of Who's the Boss?
300
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,861
And I think there's something
that you might have overlooked.
301
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,296
Mr. Abed,
will you look at my wall?
302
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:41,032
- Mm-hmm.
- What do you see?
303
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,267
- Photographs.
- Of what?
304
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,435
- You.
- With whom?
305
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:44,803
Tony Danza, Judith Light,
Alyssa Milano,
306
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:46,638
Who's the Boss?
Season three caterer,
307
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,206
Gordon "Giddy-up" Galligan.
308
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,242
I have studied this show,
mister Abed.
309
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,744
I am not a fan,
310
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,646
I am not a groupie,
311
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,082
I am an academic.
312
00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,818
When I ask the question,
"Who's the boss?"
313
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,453
It is a rhetorical question.
314
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:04,689
When I ask the question beyond
the question, "What is a boss?"
315
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,225
I really think it's Angela,
because if it's a boss...
316
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:08,727
[Speaking over each other]
317
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:09,894
Enough!
318
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:10,962
I would like you to leave
my room.
319
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:12,397
My mind is open, Professor.
320
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:13,865
It's as open as the door
to Mona's bedroom.
321
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,202
- It's a shame yours isn't.
- I beg your pardon?
322
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:20,972
You know?
I just got a wonderful idea.
323
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:24,209
Why don't you teach
the next class?
324
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:28,079
That way you can share your
open mind with everybody.
325
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,514
Cool.
Cool cool cool.
326
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,249
Pchew.
327
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,619
I couldn't be more touched
328
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,654
that you all threw us
an engagement party.
329
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,089
You said if we didn't,
you'd slash our tires.
330
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,558
[Laughing] She is funny.
331
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,626
Like Oprah.
332
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,261
Oprah's not a comedienne.
333
00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:47,432
No, you are funny,
and you are like Oprah.
334
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:49,167
[Laughing] Yeah.
What?
335
00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:50,635
Thank you.
336
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,605
Pierce, I'd like to offer
my sincere congratulations.
337
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:55,106
It's hard enough to find people
338
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,574
you can stand in this life,
339
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,643
let alone someone
who's willing to stomach
340
00:12:58,677 --> 00:13:00,745
your imminent dementia
and present incontinence.
341
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,913
Thank you, Jeff.
342
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,882
I just hope she can satisfy me.
343
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,885
I'm like an insatiable baboon
in the bedroom.
344
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,119
Don't sell yourself short.
345
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:09,354
You're a baboon everywhere.
346
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,458
Seems like just yesterday
347
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,326
me and Abed
dined and ditched here.
348
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,167
Here, hold this.
349
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:24,102
Ugh, what is this?
350
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,504
I always carry some spare apps
in case the wait staff's racist.
351
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,006
Where's a napkin?
352
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,174
Uh, here you go.
353
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,242
Oh, thanks.
354
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:32,544
Check that out.
355
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,380
Hats off to Pierce
and the hot red dragon.
356
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:36,548
Why do you keep
calling her that?
357
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,383
"Hong Long" means red dragon.
358
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:39,684
But that's her middle name.
359
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,886
In China, they
put the last name first.
360
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:43,121
I mean,
they're nuts over there.
361
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,423
Hm-hmm.
362
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,863
Thank you all for coming.
363
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,298
I know it seems fast,
364
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,600
but when you find the right
person, you just know it.
365
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:58,069
I know that because I've found
the right person seven times.
366
00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:01,105
So the drinks are on me,
but stick to the crappy stuff.
367
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,107
I don't want to get corn-holed
on the bar tab.
368
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:06,144
Pierce, you can't just throw
around a term like that.
369
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,112
Corn-hole.
370
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:11,149
Corn-hole, corn-hole!
371
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,219
Pierce!
Troy was molested!
372
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,253
Cool.
373
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:20,859
[Emotionally]
Troy, we didn't know.
374
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:22,560
Troy, do you need me
to recommend a support group?
375
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,229
Hey, he's not a victim.
376
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,730
You're a survivor.
377
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:34,639
Yeah, about that...
378
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:37,709
I wasn't so much "molested"
379
00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:40,578
as much as I "made it up."
380
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,647
What?
381
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:45,183
We're gonna laugh so hard
about this later.
382
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,918
I'd like to propose a toast.
383
00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:51,956
Wu Mei Hong Long, better known
as Mei Hong Long Wu,
384
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:55,093
is not only
not a Greendale student,
385
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:57,328
she works for Red Dragon Wwipes,
386
00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,265
the number two wipe in Asia,
387
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:04,035
currently attempting
a takeover of Hawthorne Wipes.
388
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,803
So please, raise your glasses
389
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:09,240
to saving Pierce from
the clutches of a corporate spy,
390
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:11,776
and to me for being
attractive enough
391
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:15,046
to get a girl like her
under normal circumstances.
392
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:18,650
[No accent] Very impressive,
Veronica Mars.
393
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:20,084
You learned how to use Google.
394
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:22,320
And you learned to fight
your physical desire for me.
395
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:23,588
Oh, stick it.
396
00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:25,690
You suck.
397
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:30,194
Wait, wait, wait.
398
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:31,763
[Needle scratches record]
399
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:33,498
Record scratch app.
400
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,276
Where'd everybody go?
401
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,712
Most people went home.
402
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,180
The rest went with Chang
to your place
403
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,348
to have a ketchup fight.
404
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:51,983
Oh, jeez, I better
get back there
405
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:53,718
before he starts
playing monkey drop.
406
00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:56,020
Don't ask.
407
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,522
Oh, uh, do you want to come?
408
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:00,258
Why would I want to go
anywhere with Judas Winger?
409
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,126
You're mad at me?
You should be thanking me.
410
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:04,729
For what?
Ruining my relationship?
411
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:06,097
What relationship?
412
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,766
You just met the woman,
and the entire thing was a lie.
413
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,835
She was just using you to get
your company in China.
414
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:13,438
And I was just using her to
get her company in the sack.
415
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,473
People use each other Jeff.
416
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:17,241
It doesn't mean that
there aren't good feelings
417
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:18,576
that go along with it.
418
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,211
I liked her.
419
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:23,381
She was busty.
420
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,816
I thought we had something.
421
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,751
I was trying to help you.
422
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:28,119
I think what
you were trying to do
423
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,388
is prove that no woman
could want me.
424
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:35,760
[Students conversing]
425
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,767
Oh, you're here.
426
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,503
Look, Britta, I'm really sorry.
427
00:16:45,537 --> 00:16:47,372
Troy, kissing you
was a mistake.
428
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:48,673
It will never happen again.
429
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:51,442
Good.
430
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:53,878
Before my ex-boyfriend Pablo
was arrested
431
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,279
for forging church relics,
432
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:57,081
he accused me
of only being attracted
433
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,783
to a certain kind of guy.
434
00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,019
It was hard
to understand him, though.
435
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,954
He was pretty huffed up
on paint thinners.
436
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:06,524
Well, maybe someday, you'll
fall for someone who's healthy.
437
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:08,126
Someone who,
438
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,361
other than his irrational fear
of automatic toilets,
439
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,930
is normal.
440
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,101
Who would like to begin today?
441
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:18,770
I would.
442
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,606
With a confession.
443
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,342
My uncle never stuck
his finger in my plop-plop.
444
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,510
[Gasps]
445
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,311
I know.
I'm bummed about it, too.
446
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:28,746
I'm sorry.
447
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,715
I...want to be interesting.
448
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:33,818
I want to fit in with you guys.
449
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:36,921
I want to be able
to be an actor.
450
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,500
The pain
of not having enough pain
451
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,702
is still pain, young man.
452
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:55,973
That may seem
like an easy resolution, but...
453
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,309
We're not writers.
454
00:17:58,343 --> 00:17:59,777
We're actors.
455
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,182
Story doesn't matter here.
456
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:12,423
All that matters is our time
457
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:15,393
in the spotlight.
458
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,728
And so,
by all known definitions
459
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,064
of the word "boss," I.E.,
one with authority over another,
460
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,999
in 9 of 11 known
possible fields
461
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:25,269
in which one might teach,
employ, guide,
462
00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:27,105
oversee, and/or
otherwise hold dominion,
463
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,940
the empirically provable answer
464
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:32,743
to the question "who's the boss?" is...
465
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,348
Angela Bauer.
466
00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:49,026
Class dismissed.
467
00:18:57,836 --> 00:19:01,072
Class dismissed!
468
00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:14,719
There's a path you take
and a path untaken.
469
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:18,890
The choice is up to you,
my friend.
470
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,216
[Sighs]
471
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,818
I wonder why Jeff and Abed
didn't show?
472
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,154
Well, I don't know about Abed,
473
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,957
but I'm sure Jeff just
found another life to destroy.
474
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:55,193
Are you still thinking
about studying acting?
475
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:56,961
I'm auditioning
for Professor Garrity's
476
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,363
all-black production
of Fiddler on the Roof.
477
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,332
It's called Fiddla Please.
478
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:03,801
What's she doing here?
479
00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:05,236
I asked her to come.
480
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,372
I was thinking, maybe you two
were meant to be together.
481
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,008
You're both rude, you're
both deceitful and racist,
482
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,611
and you both come
from moist wipe dynasties.
483
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:15,246
I think having
that much in common
484
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,215
justifies
at least one real date.
485
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:19,784
[Sighs] I guess we could
go out to one dinner.
486
00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:21,719
- You're paying.
- You're dressing slutty.
487
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:23,087
Fine.
488
00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:24,555
How about Mexican?
489
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:25,923
How about Thai?
490
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,825
They're like Chinese Mexicans.
491
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:29,460
- Hmm, so true.
- Mmm.
492
00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:32,496
Corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
493
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:39,770
♪ It's hard to be Jewish,
it's hard to be Jewish ♪
494
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,374
♪ it's hard to be
Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
495
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,910
♪ it's hard to be Jewish,
it's hard to be Jewish ♪
496
00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:48,212
♪ hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
497
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,448
♪ bagels and lox,
diamond shops ♪
498
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:52,883
♪ it's hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
499
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,052
♪ hard to be Jewish,
hard to be Jewish ♪
500
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,888
♪ hard to be Jewish in Russia, yo ♪
501
00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:04,996
Someone drop
an old testament beat.
502
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:06,497
Dreidels.