1
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,271
Good morning, everybody.
2
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:06,600
- Hey.
- Hi, jeff.
3
00:00:06,668 --> 00:00:09,395
- I brought bagels.
- Oh, I'd love a bagel.
4
00:00:09,463 --> 00:00:13,197
Be a perfect beginning...
For my first day of billiards class.
5
00:00:13,265 --> 00:00:16,406
Oh, did you pick a special outfit...
So you can look sexy shooting pool?
6
00:00:16,473 --> 00:00:19,470
Shirley, I have no idea
what you are talkin' about.
7
00:00:20,638 --> 00:00:22,241
- Oh!
- 13.
8
00:00:22,312 --> 00:00:26,248
- Ah, great, so much for "baggels."
- So much for what?
9
00:00:26,315 --> 00:00:28,715
The baggels.
You dropped them on the floor.
10
00:00:28,783 --> 00:00:31,082
Uh, they're called bagels.
11
00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:34,084
I lived in new york, troy.
I know what a baggel is.
12
00:00:35,152 --> 00:00:36,684
What the hell is wrong with you?
13
00:00:36,752 --> 00:00:37,851
What?
14
00:00:37,919 --> 00:00:39,051
You say bagel wrong.
15
00:00:39,119 --> 00:00:40,585
I say it the same as you.
16
00:00:40,653 --> 00:00:43,353
Say it again.
17
00:00:43,421 --> 00:00:44,354
Baggel.
18
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,622
Look, can we just keep studying?
19
00:00:48,690 --> 00:00:51,991
- We're on page 258.
- What "padge" was that?
20
00:00:52,058 --> 00:00:53,324
- Two "five
-ty" eight.
21
00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:57,160
Check this out.
22
00:00:58,730 --> 00:01:00,664
Oh, it's a drawing of abed with...
23
00:01:00,732 --> 00:01:02,766
Hearts all around it.
24
00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,001
Strictly speaking, troy,
25
00:01:04,069 --> 00:01:05,702
The bible condemns this level of friendship.
26
00:01:05,770 --> 00:01:07,103
I didn't draw that.
27
00:01:07,171 --> 00:01:08,237
I bought that book used.
28
00:01:08,304 --> 00:01:09,671
It must have been whoever had it last.
29
00:01:09,739 --> 00:01:12,673
Obviously, it's a girl
who has a crush on abed.
30
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,340
this is so romantic.
31
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,641
It's just like the notebook, accept,
instead of alzheimer's,
32
00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:18,042
- Abed has--
- ahem!
33
00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:19,621
Someone who likes him.
34
00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:21,811
Well, whoever she is, she's fat.
35
00:01:21,879 --> 00:01:24,046
These thick pencil lines are
drawn with a heavy hand.
36
00:01:24,113 --> 00:01:25,680
We gotta find this person for abed.
37
00:01:25,747 --> 00:01:27,781
Unless it's a boy-
-then we have to find him for jesus.
38
00:01:27,849 --> 00:01:30,250
But, either way, this is going to be fun.
39
00:01:36,361 --> 00:01:43,190
Sync By YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:43,857 --> 00:01:46,891
Adios.
Heh.
41
00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,526
Adios.
Adios.
42
00:01:49,594 --> 00:01:51,761
i>- Adios. Adios.
43
00:01:51,829 --> 00:01:55,797
Guys! Class is over.
I'm trying to get you to leave.
44
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:59,867
- Oh...Cool. Pick that up.
45
00:01:59,934 --> 00:02:01,868
Senor chang?
46
00:02:01,936 --> 00:02:04,136
We're trying to figure out
whose spanish book this was...
47
00:02:04,204 --> 00:02:05,270
Before troy's.
48
00:02:14,143 --> 00:02:15,109
Jenny adams.
49
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,243
Oh.
50
00:02:16,311 --> 00:02:17,744
Oh, come on.
51
00:02:17,812 --> 00:02:19,879
If all chinese were psychic,
you would have started...
52
00:02:19,947 --> 00:02:21,647
Using birth control centuries ago.
53
00:02:21,714 --> 00:02:24,115
Her name's in the front
of the book, morons.
54
00:02:24,183 --> 00:02:26,050
Yay! He's right.
55
00:02:26,117 --> 00:02:28,919
Them, I understand,
but how did you not think of that?
56
00:02:28,987 --> 00:02:30,954
I may have been thrown off...
57
00:02:31,021 --> 00:02:33,055
By britta's pronunciation
of the word "bagel."
58
00:02:33,123 --> 00:02:34,523
- How do you pronounce bagel?
- I don't.
59
00:02:34,590 --> 00:02:35,657
- Come on.
- Baggel.
60
00:02:35,725 --> 00:02:37,892
Ugh! You're the worst.
61
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,260
So...
62
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:40,460
We have a name.
63
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,461
Jenny adams.
64
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,062
Cool.
65
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,230
See? It's a fat girl's name.
66
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:46,098
Might as well be gravy jones.
67
00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:48,199
Pierce, it doesn't
matter what she looks like.
68
00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:49,967
This will be great for abed.
69
00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:51,435
It will?
70
00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:53,303
Aren't you excited about talking to her?
71
00:02:53,370 --> 00:02:55,104
- I wasn't planning on it.
- What?
72
00:02:55,172 --> 00:02:56,739
Guys, come on. You heard abed.
73
00:02:56,806 --> 00:02:58,140
He's not interested. Drop it.
74
00:02:58,207 --> 00:02:59,607
Jeff, you need to mind your own business.
75
00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:01,909
And, abed, you need to get
with this girl immediately,
76
00:03:01,977 --> 00:03:03,477
- If not sooner.
- Yeah?
77
00:03:03,544 --> 00:03:05,178
Abed, for guys like you,
78
00:03:05,246 --> 00:03:07,079
This kind of opportunity
only comes around...
79
00:03:07,147 --> 00:03:08,180
Once in a li--
80
00:03:08,248 --> 00:03:09,414
While.
81
00:03:09,482 --> 00:03:12,517
It's important to date in college, abed.
82
00:03:12,584 --> 00:03:15,186
It's a time of freedom and exploration,
83
00:03:15,253 --> 00:03:16,787
A time when a simple pillow fight...
84
00:03:16,854 --> 00:03:19,755
Between two innocent girls could
turn into a steamy night...
85
00:03:19,823 --> 00:03:22,758
Of unbridled lust.
86
00:03:22,825 --> 00:03:24,859
Britta knows all about it.
87
00:03:24,927 --> 00:03:26,327
Okay, cool.
88
00:03:26,395 --> 00:03:27,862
So you guys are gonna can't buy me love me,
right?
89
00:03:27,930 --> 00:03:29,196
We're gonna what you?
90
00:03:29,264 --> 00:03:30,497
i>- You're gonna can't buy me love me.
91
00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:32,232
You know, transform me from
zero to hero, geek to chic.
92
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:34,900
i>- Oh, he wants us to love
don't cost a thing him.
93
00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:38,336
i>- Can't buy me love was the
remake for white audiences.
94
00:03:38,404 --> 00:03:39,938
That's so uncomfortable when they do that.
95
00:03:40,005 --> 00:03:41,639
I can't believe it doesn't insult them.
96
00:03:41,707 --> 00:03:42,940
Ahem.
97
00:03:43,008 --> 00:03:44,775
All right, nobody here...
98
00:03:44,842 --> 00:03:46,209
Is can't buy me love-ing...
99
00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:48,177
Or love don't cost a thin
g-ing anyone.
100
00:03:48,245 --> 00:03:51,046
Because we've all seen enough
afterschool specials...
101
00:03:51,114 --> 00:03:52,580
And fat albert...
102
00:03:52,648 --> 00:03:56,517
To know that abed only needs to be himself.
103
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,054
Sure glad there are no old people here.
104
00:04:00,121 --> 00:04:03,656
This conversation would probably
be total gibberish to them.
105
00:04:03,724 --> 00:04:06,292
Jeff's unprecedentedly right about this.
106
00:04:06,359 --> 00:04:08,027
Abed, when we find this girl,
107
00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:09,694
You're gonna approach her
just the way you are,
108
00:04:09,762 --> 00:04:10,895
Because that's good enough.
109
00:04:10,963 --> 00:04:12,931
Yeah, and then you can
take her to a nice deli...
110
00:04:12,998 --> 00:04:15,300
And treat her to a baggel.
111
00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:40,754
Hey, nice shooting. Good, clean strokes.
112
00:04:40,821 --> 00:04:44,223
- Thanks.
- Form a line, please!
113
00:04:44,290 --> 00:04:48,326
My name is coach bogner.
114
00:04:48,394 --> 00:04:52,596
Welcome to the art of pool.
115
00:04:52,664 --> 00:04:54,898
Which is a phys. Ed. Class.
116
00:04:54,965 --> 00:04:57,199
Which means...
117
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:59,301
That you all have to wear
the proper equipment...
118
00:04:59,368 --> 00:05:00,435
At all times!
119
00:05:00,503 --> 00:05:01,469
So suit up.
120
00:05:01,537 --> 00:05:04,805
See you back on the felt in five.
121
00:05:06,107 --> 00:05:07,974
You're gonna look like an ass in those.
122
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:10,009
Shut up, leonard.
123
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,711
I talked to your son on family day.
124
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,445
I know all about your gambling.
125
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,481
Touche.
126
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,384
All right, everybody just hang out...
127
00:05:19,451 --> 00:05:21,018
And be casual.
128
00:05:21,086 --> 00:05:22,853
My sources tell me that jenny adams...
129
00:05:22,921 --> 00:05:24,922
Is the blonde who's
reading right over there.
130
00:05:26,157 --> 00:05:29,559
Whoa! That's her?
She's pretty!
131
00:05:29,626 --> 00:05:32,161
Wh-which is not a surprise at all, abed.
132
00:05:32,229 --> 00:05:35,197
Okay, abed, we're gonna
be here for moral support.
133
00:05:35,265 --> 00:05:36,765
Just go over there and do your thing.
134
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:37,866
- Okay.
- Remember, be yourself.
135
00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:38,867
- Got it.
- Great.
136
00:05:38,935 --> 00:05:40,568
Cool.
137
00:05:47,643 --> 00:05:48,943
- Abed...
- Yeah?
138
00:05:49,011 --> 00:05:50,677
- What are you doing?
- I'm being myself.
139
00:05:50,745 --> 00:05:52,479
Go be yourself by jenny.
140
00:05:54,982 --> 00:05:56,182
But I wouldn't go over there.
141
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,350
How do you know that?
142
00:05:57,417 --> 00:05:58,684
A lifetime of observation, mostly.
143
00:05:58,752 --> 00:06:00,786
Well, do you think there's
a version of yourself...
144
00:06:00,854 --> 00:06:01,887
That might go over there?
145
00:06:01,955 --> 00:06:03,155
Absolutely.
146
00:06:03,223 --> 00:06:04,189
Could you be him?
147
00:06:04,257 --> 00:06:05,257
Okay.
148
00:06:09,062 --> 00:06:10,362
Oh! Oh...
149
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,269
What the hell was that?
A different version of me.
150
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,070
I think it was a vampire.
151
00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:23,573
All right, if this is gonna turn ugly,
I can't be here-- I'm a two-striker.
152
00:06:23,641 --> 00:06:24,607
No, pierce, please.
153
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:25,641
Hang on.
154
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:27,643
Abed, will you excuse us, please?
155
00:06:30,179 --> 00:06:32,280
Look, I know that we're all good people,
156
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,582
And good people believe that
people should be themselves.
157
00:06:34,650 --> 00:06:36,750
But if abed is himself,
he's gonna die alone.
158
00:06:36,818 --> 00:06:39,152
And if we let him be someone
else without our help--
159
00:06:39,220 --> 00:06:43,990
Be right back.
I'm out of here.
160
00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:24,002
- You're not in uniform.
- Yeah, about that.
161
00:07:24,070 --> 00:07:26,971
We seriously have to
wear shorts to play pool?
162
00:07:27,038 --> 00:07:31,208
- If you play in this class, it's regulation.
- Regulation pool or regulation you?
163
00:07:31,275 --> 00:07:33,977
Do you have something
against playing pool...
164
00:07:34,044 --> 00:07:36,645
With a full range of
motion and optimal comfort?
165
00:07:36,713 --> 00:07:38,313
I'm comfortable in my own clothes.
166
00:07:38,381 --> 00:07:40,382
- I bet you are.
- I'm sorry?
167
00:07:40,449 --> 00:07:43,517
I said, I bet you're comfortable...
168
00:07:43,585 --> 00:07:45,819
Dressed like a model instead of an athlete,
169
00:07:45,887 --> 00:07:47,821
Sippin' martinis and smokin'...
170
00:07:47,888 --> 00:07:49,389
Instead of keeping your game on the table!
171
00:07:49,456 --> 00:07:50,690
Hey, listen, man.
172
00:07:50,758 --> 00:07:52,491
You're implying I'm some
sort of pool poser...
173
00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:54,993
Because I don't want to wear a bathing suit.
174
00:07:55,061 --> 00:07:56,928
You're the weird one.
175
00:07:56,996 --> 00:07:59,463
That's weird. Not me.
176
00:07:59,531 --> 00:08:00,898
Nobody plays pool like that.
177
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:03,266
Yeah, well, what do you call this?
178
00:08:03,334 --> 00:08:05,435
I call that your personal business, okay?
179
00:08:05,503 --> 00:08:06,636
And I call this class...
180
00:08:06,704 --> 00:08:09,238
The desecration of america's coolest sport.
181
00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:10,372
Yeah, ah, see?
182
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,040
Right there. Ah! "coolest sport"!
183
00:08:12,108 --> 00:08:15,777
Okay, I want everybody to
know what's going on here.
184
00:08:15,844 --> 00:08:19,346
This hipster is dropping this class.
185
00:08:19,414 --> 00:08:22,015
Because he cares more about
what he looks like...
186
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:23,149
Than how he's playing.
187
00:08:23,217 --> 00:08:24,617
Oh, please.
188
00:08:24,685 --> 00:08:27,186
You're the one with the rules about clothes.
189
00:08:27,253 --> 00:08:29,354
And, by the way, I could kick your ass...
190
00:08:29,422 --> 00:08:30,688
All over that table.
191
00:08:30,756 --> 00:08:32,557
Oh, is that a challenge?
192
00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:35,426
Huh? Because if you play me in pool,
193
00:08:35,494 --> 00:08:37,027
You play me in shorts!
194
00:08:37,095 --> 00:08:38,629
And if you can't do that,
195
00:08:38,696 --> 00:08:42,198
Well, my point's already made.
196
00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:45,501
- I-I-I don't have anything to prove to you.
197
00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,637
You're stupid.
198
00:08:48,705 --> 00:08:50,072
This is stupid!
199
00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:53,742
Pool in shorts is stupid!
200
00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:56,612
Vanity, thy name is...
201
00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:58,180
His name.
202
00:08:58,248 --> 00:09:00,515
It's the first day. I didn't catch it.
203
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:01,917
Okay, abed.
204
00:09:01,985 --> 00:09:03,452
We know that, normally,
you wouldn't approach a girl,
205
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,854
But if you don't learn how,
you won't get jenny.
206
00:09:05,922 --> 00:09:07,222
Yeah, and you got two days.
207
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:09,057
- Then I'm going after her.
- Oh! Pierce.
208
00:09:09,125 --> 00:09:10,759
What? I'm incentivizing him.
209
00:09:10,827 --> 00:09:13,028
Also, if she's into abed, let's face it.
210
00:09:13,096 --> 00:09:14,229
Anybody could hit that.
211
00:09:14,297 --> 00:09:15,564
I understand--I need to change who I am...
212
00:09:15,632 --> 00:09:16,899
To someone more likable.
213
00:09:16,967 --> 00:09:18,700
No, no, no, no, sweetie.
It's not about changing.
214
00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:20,235
It's about learning.
215
00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:21,303
Learning to change?
216
00:09:21,371 --> 00:09:22,303
- No--
- no, it's--
217
00:09:22,371 --> 00:09:23,304
Good grief!
218
00:09:23,372 --> 00:09:24,506
Clear the chickens off the runway.
219
00:09:24,573 --> 00:09:25,741
I'll be the bad guy.
220
00:09:25,809 --> 00:09:28,510
Yes, abed, you need to be someone else.
221
00:09:28,577 --> 00:09:30,311
Someone who eventually gets a girlfriend.
222
00:09:30,379 --> 00:09:32,447
Because I can't think of
anything more frightening...
223
00:09:32,514 --> 00:09:37,350
Than a half-polish,
half-arab virgin in his 30s.
224
00:09:37,418 --> 00:09:38,451
One way or the other,
225
00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:41,220
That story ends with an explosion.
226
00:09:41,287 --> 00:09:42,320
Let's try a practice run.
227
00:09:42,388 --> 00:09:44,822
All right, annie, you sit here, okay?
228
00:09:44,890 --> 00:09:46,124
And be a girl.
229
00:09:46,192 --> 00:09:47,660
Abed, you take a run at her.
230
00:09:47,727 --> 00:09:49,261
Let's see what you got.
231
00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:50,829
Okay.
232
00:09:55,033 --> 00:09:56,299
Hmm.
233
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:58,934
What are you reading?
234
00:09:59,002 --> 00:10:00,368
i>- Pride and prejudice.
235
00:10:03,905 --> 00:10:06,839
So you're familiar with two sins.
236
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,040
How about a third?
237
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,875
Oh!
238
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:18,314
I don't think we're
allowed to smoke in here.
239
00:10:18,382 --> 00:10:20,116
Then you picked the wrong outfit.
240
00:10:22,253 --> 00:10:23,520
Didn't you?
241
00:10:26,257 --> 00:10:27,826
Abed, what are you doing?
242
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,328
i>- Don draper from mad men. What'd you
think?
243
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:30,328
- Weird.
- Awesome.
244
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,329
Put your tongue in her ear.
245
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,363
I liked it.
246
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,498
Don't be him.
247
00:10:33,565 --> 00:10:35,066
He cheats on his wife.
248
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,535
Be somebody nice, like mike brady.
249
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,737
He always had that housekeeper
throwing herself at him,
250
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,140
And he never made a move on her.
251
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:42,443
Don't be mike brady.
Mike brady's not sexy.
252
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,577
You should be like jo
from facts of life.
253
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,946
But, you know, the dude version.
254
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,047
I knew it.
255
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:50,615
You should be like calvin.
256
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:51,883
His best friend was a tiger.
257
00:10:51,950 --> 00:10:53,285
He always went on dope adventures.
258
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,988
If anything stood in his way,
he just peed on it.
259
00:10:55,056 --> 00:10:56,490
Calvin coolidge?
260
00:10:56,557 --> 00:10:59,026
No, you guys, don draper
was clearly the sexiest.
261
00:11:02,363 --> 00:11:04,731
What are you guys doing?
262
00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:06,499
They're teaching me
how to be someone else.
263
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:10,537
Oh, for god's sake.
What did I tell you guys?
264
00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,939
Oh, for god's sakes, everybody,
do whatever you want!
265
00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:14,274
Leave each other alone!
266
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,009
Whoa! That's a good jeff.
267
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,277
How'd you do that?
268
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,445
10% dick van dyke, 20% sam malone,
269
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:20,880
40% zach braff from scrubs,
270
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,749
And 30% hilary swank in
boys don't cry.
271
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,917
- Zach braff?
- Sorry.
272
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,886
Abed, what if you just did jeff for jenny?
273
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,921
Uh, and your point is?
274
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,891
Look, I don't want any part of this.
275
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,560
And I can't believe that
you're still doing it...
276
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:37,429
After I already explained
the obvious lessons,
277
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,797
Smacking you in the face.
278
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,366
Hey, why aren't you in billiards class?
279
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,301
Because I don't look cool in shorts!
280
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,969
Oh!
281
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,571
- Whoa.
- Okay.
282
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:48,107
'cause I'm not cool in shorts!
283
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,241
that was good.
284
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,943
- Just like him.
- That was really good.
285
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,482
I don't want to spoil
the ending, but, uh...
286
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:57,583
Pride ends up with prejudice.
287
00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,418
that's funny.
288
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,920
I know. Stick with me,
and you'll get a laugh or two.
289
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,789
That's the abed guarantee.
290
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,662
I feel like I've seen you before.
291
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,464
- It's working.
- I know.
292
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,533
I get that a lot, from art students.
293
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,935
I'm told I have a face made for sketching.
294
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,304
I'd rather think it was made for kissing.
295
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:21,840
How 'bout for punching?
296
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,441
Huh?
297
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:28,346
What are you doing hitting
on my girlfriend, ugly?
298
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,481
This is awkward.
299
00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:32,116
Oh, my god.
300
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,918
It's a white abed.
301
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:36,454
- I-I-I--it's like abed, but employable.
302
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,600
- Let's do this, huh, boss?
- Let's go, slumdog.
303
00:12:42,335 --> 00:12:43,735
And one last lost and found announcement,
304
00:12:43,803 --> 00:12:46,304
Jeff winger, I've been
informed by coach bogner...
305
00:12:46,372 --> 00:12:48,506
That you left your panties
in his pool class.
306
00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:50,908
So better pick those up.
307
00:12:50,976 --> 00:12:55,613
When is he gonna stop doing that?
Do you know that he called me a hipster?
308
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:56,613
Hipster!
309
00:12:56,681 --> 00:13:00,850
I mean, do hipsters walk around...
Wearing $300 jeans from Italy?
310
00:13:00,918 --> 00:13:02,518
Can we please talk about abed?
311
00:13:02,586 --> 00:13:04,320
Thanks to us, his heart's been broken.
312
00:13:04,387 --> 00:13:06,622
Well, I hate to say that I told you so.
313
00:13:06,689 --> 00:13:09,156
So I'll shout it through cupped hands.
314
00:13:09,224 --> 00:13:10,290
I told you so!
315
00:13:10,358 --> 00:13:11,725
We were only trying to help.
316
00:13:11,793 --> 00:13:13,359
Oh, come on. Who are we kidding?
317
00:13:13,427 --> 00:13:14,994
Jeff's right-- abed was happy being abed,
318
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:18,296
Till we had to sully his
mind with thoughts of love...
319
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,731
And romance...And vaginas.
320
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:22,566
Those are the big three.
That's what they call them.
321
00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:25,001
Poor abed, he's probably too sad...
322
00:13:25,069 --> 00:13:26,336
To get out of bed this morning.
323
00:13:26,404 --> 00:13:27,336
Hi.
324
00:13:27,404 --> 00:13:28,870
Abed.
325
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:29,904
About yesterday--
326
00:13:29,971 --> 00:13:30,904
Oh, yeah.
327
00:13:30,972 --> 00:13:31,871
You guys must be pretty upset.
328
00:13:31,939 --> 00:13:33,506
i>- Why would we be upset?
329
00:13:33,574 --> 00:13:34,740
Well, I know how
important it was for you...
330
00:13:34,808 --> 00:13:36,108
That I get a girlfriend.
331
00:13:36,176 --> 00:13:37,743
So when jenny went off with white abed,
332
00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:38,810
It must have really hurt.
333
00:13:38,878 --> 00:13:42,013
- Ah, it did.
- White abed?
334
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:43,349
Jenny's boyfriend is a white guy...
335
00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:44,984
That's almost identical to abed.
336
00:13:45,052 --> 00:13:47,185
Name is joey, and that's why
the sketch was in troy's book.
337
00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:49,556
So does that make abed "brown joey"?
338
00:13:49,624 --> 00:13:50,925
If you want to get racist about it.
339
00:13:50,993 --> 00:13:52,994
Abed, you know we just want you...
340
00:13:53,061 --> 00:13:54,161
To be happy, right?
341
00:13:54,229 --> 00:13:55,796
Yeah, I know.
Everybody wants me to be happy.
342
00:13:55,864 --> 00:13:57,197
Everybody wants to help me.
343
00:13:57,264 --> 00:13:58,732
But usually, when they find out they can't,
344
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,270
They get frustrated and stop talking to me,
345
00:14:00,338 --> 00:14:01,604
Or they trick me into
buying them ice cream...
346
00:14:01,672 --> 00:14:03,073
And then shove me into a clothes dryer.
347
00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:04,909
Which I didn't want to happen with you guys,
348
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:07,078
So I wanted to make sure that
you felt like you could help me.
349
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:09,613
The truth is, lots of girls like me,
350
00:14:09,681 --> 00:14:12,049
Because, let's face it, I'm pretty adorable.
351
00:14:12,116 --> 00:14:13,750
And my aloofness
unconsciously reminds them...
352
00:14:13,818 --> 00:14:15,218
Of their fathers, so...
353
00:14:15,285 --> 00:14:18,220
I'm more used to them approaching me.
354
00:14:18,288 --> 00:14:20,589
So we didn't damage your sel
f-esteem or anything?
355
00:14:20,656 --> 00:14:23,958
Britta, I got sel
f-esteem falling out of my butt.
356
00:14:24,025 --> 00:14:25,525
That's why I was willing
to change for you guys.
357
00:14:25,593 --> 00:14:26,860
Because when you really know who you are...
358
00:14:26,927 --> 00:14:28,260
And what you like about yourself,
359
00:14:28,328 --> 00:14:30,629
Changing for other people
isn't such a big deal.
360
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,234
Abed...
361
00:14:35,302 --> 00:14:36,502
You're a god.
362
00:14:39,506 --> 00:14:41,306
If you'll all excuse me...
363
00:14:41,374 --> 00:14:45,744
I have a man to beat in
pool while wearing shorts.
364
00:14:45,811 --> 00:14:46,878
nice.
365
00:14:46,946 --> 00:14:48,913
Is that code for going number one...
366
00:14:48,981 --> 00:14:49,881
Or number two?
367
00:14:49,948 --> 00:14:52,783
Abed, you've inspired me too.
368
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,517
People can mock me all they want.
369
00:14:54,585 --> 00:14:56,585
I don't care how I say the word "baggel."
370
00:14:57,887 --> 00:14:59,255
"baggel."
371
00:14:59,322 --> 00:15:00,990
She said "baggel."
372
00:15:01,058 --> 00:15:03,793
- Would you like another one?
- "baggel."
373
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,828
Hey, let's play some pool.
374
00:15:05,896 --> 00:15:07,696
Hey, nice cross corner, leonard.
375
00:15:07,764 --> 00:15:09,031
Totally.
376
00:15:09,099 --> 00:15:10,665
I'd like to see jeff
winger try that shot...
377
00:15:10,733 --> 00:15:13,000
Without the benefit of his stylish clothing.
378
00:15:13,068 --> 00:15:14,868
Oh, would you?
379
00:15:14,936 --> 00:15:17,970
Jeff winger.
380
00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:20,572
Shouldn't you be at a urban outfitters?
381
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,507
I'll go there later, if I feel like it.
382
00:15:22,575 --> 00:15:24,308
But first, I have to hand someone...
383
00:15:24,376 --> 00:15:26,243
Their tightly polyester-swaddled ass...
384
00:15:26,311 --> 00:15:27,278
In a game of pool.
385
00:15:28,546 --> 00:15:29,813
Burn.
386
00:15:29,881 --> 00:15:32,049
Now, do you want to talk
about clothes like a girl?
387
00:15:32,116 --> 00:15:34,117
Or use tapered sticks to hit balls...
388
00:15:34,185 --> 00:15:36,086
Around a cushioned table... Like a man?
389
00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:38,257
Balls, like a man.
390
00:15:38,324 --> 00:15:39,358
Rack 'em!
391
00:15:40,527 --> 00:15:42,094
I'll break.
392
00:15:42,162 --> 00:15:43,830
Why? 'cause it looks cool?
393
00:15:43,897 --> 00:15:46,169
I don't know.
394
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:47,973
You tell me.
395
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:10,999
Get out of the way.
396
00:16:22,343 --> 00:16:23,944
boom!
397
00:16:24,012 --> 00:16:25,212
Yeah, let me just clean...
398
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,281
This side of the table off here, all right?
399
00:16:27,349 --> 00:16:29,183
Okay, there you go. See that? There you go.
400
00:16:29,251 --> 00:16:31,552
Oh, yeah. Yeah, what do you think of that?
401
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,587
See, you haven't learned anything!
402
00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:36,223
Except how to look cool
playing pool in shorts!
403
00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:37,457
You're wrong, man.
404
00:16:37,525 --> 00:16:38,892
I'm just having a good time...
405
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,627
Because I love playin' pool.
406
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,296
Liar!
407
00:16:42,363 --> 00:16:44,565
You think you look cool.
408
00:16:44,632 --> 00:16:46,033
Yeah?
409
00:16:46,101 --> 00:16:48,935
Well, how cool is this?
410
00:16:50,638 --> 00:16:52,639
Oh!
411
00:16:52,706 --> 00:16:55,542
Stop projecting your obsession
with clothes onto me...
412
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:58,845
As an excuse for when I
beat you in a game...
413
00:16:58,913 --> 00:17:00,146
Of real pool!
414
00:17:00,214 --> 00:17:02,449
Oh, you wanna play real pool, huh?
415
00:17:03,851 --> 00:17:06,152
I'll play real pool.
416
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:07,987
Now who doesn't care how they look?
417
00:17:08,055 --> 00:17:10,189
Me!
418
00:17:10,257 --> 00:17:11,224
Shouldn't you be stopping this?
419
00:17:11,292 --> 00:17:12,526
Soon, soon.
420
00:17:12,593 --> 00:17:13,827
Just...Gathering evidence.
421
00:17:22,003 --> 00:17:23,336
Three to one against winger. Who's on?
422
00:17:29,311 --> 00:17:30,645
Tres.
423
00:17:32,781 --> 00:17:34,015
- Yes!
- Oh, god!
424
00:17:50,095 --> 00:17:52,130
i>- You know what, jeff?
425
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,866
One of us is about to win this game.
426
00:17:56,335 --> 00:17:59,437
But years from now, when the story's retold,
427
00:17:59,505 --> 00:18:02,205
All they're gonna remember...
428
00:18:02,273 --> 00:18:05,275
Is one of us loved clothes.
429
00:18:05,342 --> 00:18:08,044
And the other loved...
430
00:18:08,111 --> 00:18:09,078
The game.
431
00:19:16,535 --> 00:19:18,602
Look at me. Look at me!
432
00:19:18,670 --> 00:19:20,070
You beat me.
433
00:19:20,137 --> 00:19:23,773
From now on, you play pool
dressed however you choose.
434
00:19:23,841 --> 00:19:26,675
I choose shorts.
435
00:19:26,743 --> 00:19:28,477
I choose shorts!
436
00:19:28,545 --> 00:19:30,512
Shorts!
437
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:33,014
you son of a bitch.
438
00:19:33,082 --> 00:19:35,649
You magnificent son of a bitch!
439
00:19:41,322 --> 00:19:42,288
Yay!
440
00:19:42,356 --> 00:19:43,457
That was awesome.
441
00:19:43,524 --> 00:19:44,558
Let me get in here.
442
00:19:44,626 --> 00:19:46,026
Oh! Okay, you're sweaty.
443
00:19:46,094 --> 00:19:47,127
All right, all right.
444
00:19:51,031 --> 00:19:53,364
Nice game.
445
00:19:53,432 --> 00:19:54,565
Thanks.
446
00:19:54,632 --> 00:19:56,399
- Look, I-I hope this doesn't...
447
00:19:56,467 --> 00:19:58,835
Sound too... Forward, but, um...
448
00:19:58,903 --> 00:20:02,238
Could you introduce me to your friend?
449
00:20:07,744 --> 00:20:09,310
You know what?
450
00:20:09,378 --> 00:20:11,212
I-I know that guy's m.O.,
451
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,814
And I think it's better
if you introduce yourself.
452
00:20:13,882 --> 00:20:15,283
Okay.
453
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,820
- Hi.
- Hi.
454
00:20:19,888 --> 00:20:21,022
- Courtney.
- Abed.
455
00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:24,024
Ooh.
456
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:27,862
Man...Why couldn't I be brown joey?
457
00:20:28,159 --> 00:20:34,006
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