1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,720 [suspenseful music] 2 00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:12,660 - Agnes, cancel my appointments. 3 00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:14,660 - What appointments? 4 00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:16,700 - Wishful thinking. 5 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,380 - It's called alternative energy, 6 00:00:19,380 --> 00:00:21,700 the key to a brighter tomorrow. 7 00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:28,260 [car engine turns] 8 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:30,940 Notice all the animals wearing sunglasses. 9 00:00:30,940 --> 00:00:32,860 - Because it's a brighter tomorrow. 10 00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:35,260 - Yeah. 11 00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:37,100 - My boys are in elementary school. 12 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,980 They don't make nearly as many dioramas as we do. 13 00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:40,980 - The whole environmental club is making them for green week. 14 00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:43,380 And this afternoon in the cafeteria, 15 00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:44,900 we're having a bio-diorama-rama. 16 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:50,060 I heard one kid made a diorama about a world without dioramas. 17 00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:52,300 - It's still cool if I sleep at your place tonight, right? 18 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:53,980 - Totally. Hey, since we're both done with classes, 19 00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:56,420 we can start the sleepover now. - Let's get in our pajamas 20 00:00:56,420 --> 00:00:58,340 and build a blanket Fort. - Let's do it. 21 00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:00,140 - A blanket Fort. Wow! 22 00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:01,940 - You can come hang out in it with us later if you want. 23 00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:03,820 - Uh, thanks, but I think I'll find something 24 00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:06,380 more grown-up to do. - Hmm. Okay. 25 00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:08,940 - Enjoy eating Fiber and watching the mentalist. 26 00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:10,740 Shirley: Britta, that wasn't nice. 27 00:01:10,740 --> 00:01:12,700 - I'm sorry, Shirley, but who wants to hang out 28 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:15,780 in a blanket Fort with grown men in tiny underoos? 29 00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:17,940 - Hello! So...Jeffrey, 30 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:20,740 I was just looking over your class schedule. 31 00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:22,220 - Why? - Uh... 32 00:01:22,220 --> 00:01:23,860 maybe it was a random spot-check. 33 00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:26,060 Maybe it was a specific spot-check. 34 00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,380 Maybe I'm making a scrapbook. 35 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,020 The point is 36 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,940 you will not be receiving credit for your independent STUDY: 37 00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:36,020 Conspiracy theories in U.S. History. 38 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,860 - What? Why not? 39 00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:39,140 - Because the class doesn't exist. 40 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:42,860 And neither does the teacher-- professor professorson? 41 00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:44,340 - What? That's his name! 42 00:01:44,340 --> 00:01:45,860 - Oh... - it's dutch. 43 00:01:45,860 --> 00:01:48,980 I think it means professor. - I think it means poppycock. 44 00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:51,660 - The ultimate Jeff Winger blow-off CLASS: 45 00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,620 The one that doesn't exist. 46 00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:56,620 - Now I have to audit an entire system for shenanigans, 47 00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:58,620 which means... Bye-Bye weekends. 48 00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,340 Bye-Bye writing at starbucks 49 00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:03,740 till a certain persian barista asks me about my novel. 50 00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:05,420 - God, Jeff! 51 00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:07,140 It's one thing to blow off regular classes, 52 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,660 but this devalues all the credits I work very hard for. 53 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:11,020 - Mm-hmm. - Can I defend myself 54 00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:12,660 and say this is nuts? 55 00:02:12,660 --> 00:02:14,260 I've been meeting with this professor 56 00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:16,820 in his office every wednesday all semester. 57 00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:18,660 - Professor professorson. 58 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:19,940 - Yes! - Really? 59 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,540 You're gonna commit to this? 60 00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,140 - Commit to what--reality? 61 00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:24,380 - Okay, then, please... lead me 62 00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:27,260 to professor professorson. - Gladly. 63 00:02:27,260 --> 00:02:29,260 - This I gotta see. - I have always dreamt 64 00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:31,020 of playing charades with you, Jeffrey-- 65 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,660 just not like this, not on dry land. 66 00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:37,620 - ♪ Give me some rope, time in a tree ♪ 67 00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:41,060 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 68 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,860 ♪ somebody said we could be here ♪ 69 00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:48,060 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 70 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:53,300 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 71 00:02:53,300 --> 00:03:00,380 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 72 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,620 - [grunting] 73 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,540 - ah! Oh ho. 74 00:03:04,540 --> 00:03:06,900 Oh, man! 75 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:08,900 Ahh... - ahh. 76 00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:17,860 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 77 00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:20,020 - You thinking what I'm thinking? 78 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:21,580 - We're too big for this, aren't we? 79 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:23,100 - Yeah. 80 00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:25,220 But if we went two pillows higher in the corner, 81 00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:26,900 we could vault the ceiling... 82 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,180 Bump up the square footage. 83 00:03:28,180 --> 00:03:31,100 Make this a blanket Fort for men. 84 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,940 Babu-Gabku boo-Gee. - [beat boxing] 85 00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:35,380 - Babu-Jabbu-babu-Bee. 86 00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:36,700 - [beat boxing] 87 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,700 - Well, here we are. 88 00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:45,180 Professor Professorson's Office. 89 00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:47,380 - Oh! 90 00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:50,380 Oh... 91 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:52,300 - I don't know what's goin' on. 92 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,900 You guys have to believe me. 93 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,900 I have spent a whole year studying conspiracy theories 94 00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:58,940 with professor professorson right here! 95 00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:00,820 Wait! Of course! 96 00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:02,380 Conspiracy theories. 97 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:04,060 This is a test. 98 00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:06,980 He's teaching me about real conspiracies 99 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,260 by erasing his existence! 100 00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:11,300 - Oh, my god. Do you know what this means? 101 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:14,580 That's how stupid Jeff thinks other people are. 102 00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:17,100 - I always knew you were lazy, but I didn't realize 103 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:19,300 that you would stoop to such pathetic lies! 104 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,660 [door closes] 105 00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,980 - One man's lies are another man's truth... 106 00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:24,620 wouldn't you say, Jeff? 107 00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:27,100 - I'm sorry. And who are you? 108 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,660 - I'm professor professorson. 109 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:32,420 - Ha. Wow, you...you really had me going there 110 00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:33,980 for a second, professor. 111 00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:35,300 I thought I was going insane. 112 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:36,700 - Precisely. 113 00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:39,980 An actual conspiracy to round out your education 114 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,900 in Conspiracies and theories thereof. 115 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:46,820 - Your real name... is professor professorson? 116 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,100 - My family name is professorberg, 117 00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:50,860 but we changed it when we were fleeing from the nazis. 118 00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:52,420 - Oh, I'm so sorry. 119 00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:53,900 - You've probably never heard of me 120 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,340 since I primarily teach night school. 121 00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:58,020 My faculty I.D. 122 00:04:58,020 --> 00:04:59,180 - Oh, well, I... 123 00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:01,260 guess I never stuck around late enough 124 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:03,860 to meet you night school professors. 125 00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:06,180 Tv's gotten crazy good, you know. 126 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,060 [cell phone buzzes] - I have to take this. 127 00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:09,860 Thank you for indulging me, Dean. 128 00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:12,300 Jeff, read chapters 10 through 12 of Douglas 129 00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:14,980 and see you next week. [phone plays dramatic chords] 130 00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:17,060 That is... 131 00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:18,980 if I still exist. 132 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,660 - [laughs] 133 00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:21,940 See you, professor. 134 00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:24,660 - Sorry to doubt you, Jeffrey. 135 00:05:24,660 --> 00:05:27,580 More importantly, out with this audit, 136 00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:30,060 back to chapter one of time desk: 137 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:34,060 The chronicles of Dean dangerous. 138 00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:36,100 - That is gonna be the worst book I'll ever read 139 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:38,180 cover to cover. - I'm a terrible friend. 140 00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:41,060 I accused you of being a lying cheat. 141 00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:43,580 Can you ever forgive me? - Sure. 142 00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:45,060 Here's the thing, though. 143 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,660 I've never seen that guy in my life! 144 00:05:47,660 --> 00:05:50,500 - What? That wasn't professor professorson? 145 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:51,940 - There is no professor professorson! 146 00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:54,300 I made him up! I forged a form 147 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:56,940 with a phony teacher and class for a free credit! 148 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,660 - I knew it! 149 00:05:58,660 --> 00:05:59,660 Oh, you lying cheat! 150 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,940 - Wait. Then-- 151 00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:03,940 who was that? 152 00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:07,940 - I don't know! 153 00:06:07,940 --> 00:06:10,130 - Wait, what? - I don't know! 154 00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:13,900 - What should we do? 155 00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:15,180 - I think we Should grab some lunch. 156 00:06:15,180 --> 00:06:17,020 - I'm serious. - So am I. 157 00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,500 I just saw fat Neil head to the cafeteria 158 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:19,900 with that look in his eye. 159 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,420 We got ten minutes To grab the last Lima bean. 160 00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:22,700 - Jeff, you made up a professor, 161 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,060 and he just appeared out of thin air. 162 00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:26,140 You're not the least bit curious how that happened? 163 00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:27,660 - My latest theory? Maybe I'm a god. 164 00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:28,940 I've denied the signs for too long. 165 00:06:28,940 --> 00:06:29,980 - This is so typical. 166 00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:32,020 You're just gonna blow off what happened. 167 00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:33,540 - Yes, especially when not blowing it off 168 00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:34,740 might cost me my free credit. 169 00:06:34,740 --> 00:06:35,980 Now, do me a favor. 170 00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,700 Be very un-Annie and blow it off too. 171 00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:39,380 - Oh, sure. I'll just blow it off. 172 00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:41,460 I'll just blow everything off. 173 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,700 Heck, I guess I'll just blow off walkin'! 174 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,020 - okay. - I'll just blow off standing. 175 00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:49,060 I'm just blowin' everything off! 176 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,700 Maybe I'll blow off talking language. 177 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:51,980 - Okay. 178 00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:55,140 - Blee Blu BLAH BLAH BLAH BLEE BLU blu blah... 179 00:06:55,140 --> 00:07:00,140 - [whistling] 180 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,300 Hey, bros, what's the ha...ps... 181 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,140 ohh! 182 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:06,060 Sweet Fort! 183 00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,780 Can I come inside? 184 00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:09,340 - [speaking foreign language] 185 00:07:09,340 --> 00:07:15,060 - [foreign language] 186 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,260 - You could, pavel... 187 00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:19,460 or...maybe the inside could come to you. 188 00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:20,860 - How would you characterize 189 00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:23,060 the amount of blankets and pillows you have? 190 00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,060 - A Butt load? 191 00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,700 I get wicked cold, bros, 192 00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:36,980 and mad sleepy. 193 00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:39,060 - If you're here to help me take my diorama 194 00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:41,980 to the bio-diorama-rama, I can do it myself. 195 00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:43,460 - Yes. You made that clear 196 00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:46,060 in your 11th "I can do it myself" text. 197 00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:47,860 You even work too hard at passive-aggression, 198 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:50,140 you know that? 199 00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:53,100 - Hey, so... 200 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,260 do you know anything about greendale's night school? 201 00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,060 - Yeah. I'm assuming it's the worst thing 202 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,100 you could ever hope to be in... 203 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:01,060 only at night. 204 00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,540 Damn it, Annie. Have you been playing detective? 205 00:08:03,540 --> 00:08:06,060 You are gonna Nancy screw me out of my credit. 206 00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:08,620 - Relax. All I did was ask the administration desk 207 00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:10,420 if I could borrow a faculty directory. 208 00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:13,020 [suspenseful music] 209 00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:15,260 Take a look at this. 210 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:16,900 - Is that professorson? 211 00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:18,820 - His real name is professor Woolley, 212 00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:21,020 and he actually does teach night school here. 213 00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,860 Why would someone you've never met 214 00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:24,860 pretend to be your phony professor? 215 00:08:24,860 --> 00:08:27,140 He was already carrying falsified faculty credentials. 216 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,660 Do you know what this means? 217 00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:31,740 - Yes. You are making me do work for my fake Conspiracy class! 218 00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:35,020 - Exactly. There's a conspiracy here. 219 00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:36,780 A dark, vast conspiracy 220 00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:38,940 that may just go all the way to the top. 221 00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:40,420 - This is greendale, Annie. 222 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,900 If there's a conspiracy, 223 00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:44,060 it goes all the way to slightly below the middle. 224 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,620 - Wait a minute. 225 00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:47,140 Something's wrong. 226 00:08:47,140 --> 00:08:48,820 My car won't start. 227 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,420 [cell phone rings] - Hold on one second. 228 00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:51,580 Hello. 229 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:53,220 - [distorted voice] Tell your little friend 230 00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:55,020 to stop snooping around night school, 231 00:08:55,020 --> 00:09:02,260 otherwise, things might get... explosive. 232 00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:06,220 - Annie! 233 00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:16,460 - Whoa! 234 00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:18,220 - You okay? 235 00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:20,060 - Yeah. 236 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,980 - Probably didn't need to tackle you. 237 00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:23,540 - Probably not. 238 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:27,500 - Looks like someone sent us a message... 239 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:32,220 a tiny, thoroughly underwhelming message. 240 00:09:32,220 --> 00:09:34,020 I hope you've already laid out your outfit 241 00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:35,620 for tomorrow morning... 242 00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:41,140 because we're going to night school. 243 00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:45,700 - I stole these from my son's house. 244 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,900 - When does a Fort stop being a Fort? 245 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:49,980 - Hey. As long as it's still made out of blankets... 246 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,900 right? 247 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:54,180 - These'll be perfect 248 00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:56,500 for the Pierce's mom memorial tunnel. 249 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:59,500 [ominous music] 250 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,660 ♪ ♪ 251 00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:05,020 - How ' bout this one? 252 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,660 - No. That's professor huyck's class-- 253 00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:09,020 "history of... something." 254 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,420 - You can't pronounce it? 255 00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:12,260 - No. It literally says history of something. 256 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:15,220 - Let me see that. 257 00:10:15,220 --> 00:10:17,700 "Principles of intermediate? 258 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,500 "Studyology? Class 101"? 259 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,780 Look, this one just says learning 260 00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:25,100 with an exclamation point. 261 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,900 - [gasps] 262 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:31,060 - Hello, professor professorson. 263 00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:34,540 Or should I say...Woolley? 264 00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:36,300 - What class are you teaching tonight, professor? 265 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,500 - Math. 266 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,140 - Math? - Uh-huh. 267 00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:40,860 - Do you mind if we sit in? 268 00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:43,740 - Not at all. Right this way. 269 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:46,020 [suspenseful music] 270 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:48,220 - So what kind of math do you teach, professor? 271 00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:50,300 - Well, you know, math. 272 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,340 Uh...numbers. 273 00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:55,180 Pi. 274 00:10:55,180 --> 00:11:00,380 New math. Uh... 275 00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,940 - get him! 276 00:11:03,940 --> 00:11:06,940 [exciting music] 277 00:11:06,940 --> 00:11:08,980 ♪ ♪ 278 00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:12,100 - He went into that blanket Fort! 279 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,140 I think he went this way! 280 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,100 - Do you see him? - Oh, sorry. 281 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:17,700 - No! - Sorry. 282 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:19,500 - Troy! Abed! - Hey, guys. 283 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:20,660 Welcome to fluffy town. 284 00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:22,140 No smoking, no farting, no Pillow fighting. 285 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,980 - We're in a Chase! - That's allowed. 286 00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:28,020 - There he is! 287 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,580 - Follow us. - But afterwards, 288 00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:39,940 you should really check out our civil rights museum. 289 00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,700 - Leonard, back up! 290 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,220 - You shouldn't even be in here, Leonard. 291 00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,260 You already have three farting strikes against you. 292 00:11:45,260 --> 00:11:46,620 - W--he's getting away! 293 00:11:46,620 --> 00:11:54,900 - I know a shortcut. Through the turkish district. 294 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:56,180 Britta? 295 00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:58,420 - Hey. 296 00:11:58,420 --> 00:11:59,980 - Go! 297 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,020 [exciting music] 298 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:04,180 ♪ ♪ 299 00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:06,700 - There he is! What the hell's this? 300 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:08,420 - Latvian independence parade. 301 00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:12,060 Don't look at me. They had the proper permits. 302 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:13,980 - Dang it! We lost him! 303 00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:15,980 Luckily, I sent the diorama car to the chem lab 304 00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:17,700 to have the explosive analyzed. 305 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,900 - Isn't that him playing the trejdeksnis? 306 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,180 - Nice try, Woolley! 307 00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:24,980 Now, tell us everything. 308 00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:26,980 - Tell you? 309 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,220 Ha ha ha. 310 00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:36,380 I'll show you! 311 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:40,220 - What is this place? 312 00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,820 - This, Annie, is night school. 313 00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:46,340 Every student, every teacher, every class-- 314 00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:48,380 figments... 315 00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:50,340 puffs of hot air... 316 00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:52,060 from the lips of a ghost 317 00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:53,900 in the shadow of a unicorn's dream. 318 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:57,100 I made it up. Night school doesn't exist. 319 00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,460 I used to be a student here at greendale like you, Jeff, 320 00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:03,260 then one day I invented a fake course to get a free credit. 321 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,300 To keep up the lie, I had to create a fake teacher 322 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,100 who needed other fake classes 323 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,500 that needed to be filled with other fake students, 324 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:13,020 and so on and so on and so on, "etchethra!" 325 00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:14,940 - Did you just mispronounce et cetera? 326 00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:16,420 - My latin Class is fake, Jeff... 327 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,100 like all my classes, like my life. 328 00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:19,340 Aren't you listening? 329 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,900 - Yeah, I am. 330 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,100 And a very familiar feeling is starting to come over me. 331 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,860 I feel like someone is trying to teach me something. 332 00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:27,100 - Jeff, the only thing 333 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:30,420 that's ever been learned in this room is regret! 334 00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:33,460 Would that this desk were a time desk... 335 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:37,140 so that I could correct my past mistakes... 336 00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:39,260 ride dinosaurs... 337 00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:41,140 fight with Jack the ripper. 338 00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:42,740 - Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 339 00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:46,100 Unicorns? Ghost lips? Time Desks? 340 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,820 Doesn't any of this overly stylized garbage 341 00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:51,180 remind you of anyone? 342 00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:52,860 Everything This guy says is ripped from 343 00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:54,820 the sure-to-be-unpublished pages 344 00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:56,620 of Dean dangerous. 345 00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:58,980 - [stIlted accent] I don't know what you mean. 346 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:00,260 - Oh, I think you do. 347 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:03,060 By the Way, next time you walk someone to your fake Lair, 348 00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:05,020 don't pass the theater department... 349 00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:09,820 drama Professor Sean Garrity. 350 00:14:09,820 --> 00:14:12,300 - Whoa! 351 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:15,500 [dramatic music] 352 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:18,140 - Thank God. That character was killing me. 353 00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:21,060 Word of ADVICE: If you ever scrape the Dean's car, 354 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,340 don't tell him you're gonna pay him back in acting. 355 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:26,660 On Thanksgiving, I'm supposed to crash his family dinner 356 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:28,780 and accuse him of stealing my girlfriend. 357 00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:32,500 - Wow. I guess this did go all the way to the top. 358 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,100 I'm calling the Dean right now 359 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:36,380 and giving him a piece of my mind! 360 00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:37,980 - No, wait. 361 00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,260 Garrity... 362 00:14:39,260 --> 00:14:41,900 does the theater department have any of those prop guns 363 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:43,140 that fire Blanks? 364 00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:45,500 - Of course. We just did a modern retelling of macbeth 365 00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:47,740 set in gangland chicago. 366 00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:49,220 - Oh. Fresh take. 367 00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,820 And you think I'm lazy. 368 00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:52,660 - Prop guns? 369 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:54,460 Jeff...what do you have in mind? 370 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,540 - A little demonstration for the Dean 371 00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:58,620 on the dangers of trying to educate me. 372 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,300 He doesn't like fake classes? 373 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,940 Well, he's about to get a real lesson on the fact 374 00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:06,040 that Jeff Winger never learns. 375 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,480 - Here he comes. Get set. 376 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:15,960 - You wanted to see me? 377 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,120 Oh. 378 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,000 Hi, Mr...professorson. 379 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,080 - His real name is Woolley. 380 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,680 And he's defrauded your school 381 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,200 to a tune of dozens of credits per year 382 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,160 and nearly twice as many dollars. 383 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,080 - Well, that's serious. 384 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,520 Fortunately for you, 385 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,200 I'm a big believer in second chances. 386 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,320 - I'm not. 387 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,320 [gunshot] 388 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:37,320 - Hey! 389 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,680 Annie! 390 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,000 Oh, my god, you-- you shot him! 391 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,240 - Course I shot him! He was being dishonest. 392 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,600 And if there's one thing greendale's taught me, it's-- 393 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,240 - whoa, what the hell? - She had a gun! 394 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,600 - It was a fake gun! We staged this 395 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,120 to get back at you for deceiving us! 396 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,800 - But you're the deceiver, Jeffrey! 397 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:59,440 - Yeah? Well, now you're the dead guy. 398 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,680 - Jeff! What are you doing? 399 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,880 Why do you have a real gun? 400 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,840 Why did you shoot the Dean? 401 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,080 - Well, he shot you! - Not really! 402 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,200 He and I were in on this from the start. 403 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,680 When he found out you were faking a class, 404 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,920 he came to me and we cooked up this whole conspiracy thing 405 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,280 to illustrate the slippery slope 406 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,280 of academic fraud! 407 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,880 - You know what you actually illustrated, Annie? 408 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,280 How to be a crappy friend. 409 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,840 Once it was obvious 410 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,400 the Dean Had orchestrated everything, 411 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,160 it was even more obvious 412 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,680 the Dean was too stupid to orchestrate anything. 413 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,200 - Mm-hmm! - so on a hunch, I called him, 414 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,760 and we hatched a plan to teach you a lesson or two 415 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,440 about friendship. 416 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,480 - But, Jeff, I only did it because I love you. 417 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,280 - Well, when you love someone, 418 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,120 you have to take them as they are. 419 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,360 People aren't playthings, Annie. 420 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,720 - [quietly] No, they are not. 421 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,160 - Look who's talking. 422 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,360 After everything you've put me through? 423 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:59,120 - Okay. Where'd you get that gun? 424 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,160 There were only three prop guns. 425 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,920 - Yeah, well, I live in a terrible neighborhood. 426 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,160 - Annie, put the gun down. 427 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,720 - After we kissed, 428 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,520 I waited all summer to see you. 429 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,840 You...buried me 430 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,880 like a shameful secret. 431 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:15,880 - Whoa. 432 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,040 - What's the matter, Jeff? 433 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,120 Afraid crazy Annie would go crazy for you? 434 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,840 Well, guess what. 435 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,160 Annie's got a gun. 436 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,360 - Annie, just put the gun-- 437 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:31,080 - [shrilly] aah! Aah! 438 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,040 [sobs] 439 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,440 Annie... what have you done? 440 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,320 - If you love Jeff Winger so much, 441 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,880 why did you conspire with me against him? 442 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,240 - I don't know! 443 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,760 I can't keep track of any of it anymore! 444 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,920 I just keep teaming up with whoever suggests it! 445 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,320 - Glad to hear you admit it. 446 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,960 - Aah! Aah! 447 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,200 - When I called you to ask you to double-cross Annie, 448 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,920 you didn't hesitate for a second. 449 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,160 - Do you even understand what a conspiracy is? 450 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,320 If you conspire with every person that approaches you, 451 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,920 you're not even really conspiring with anyone. 452 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,240 You're just doing random crap. 453 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,560 - I know, I-- 454 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,160 I'm sorry! I just-- 455 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,520 I just wanna have fun with you guys and... 456 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:13,240 I go crazy cooped up in my little Office, and... 457 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,800 [sobs] 458 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,320 time travel is really hard to write about! 459 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,200 [sobbing] 460 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,920 - Ohhhh...Kay! 461 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,760 If I'm keeping track right, we should be done. 462 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:28,160 I'll just take these back to the theater department. 463 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,440 - Police! - Aah! 464 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,720 - Drop your weapons! 465 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,360 down on the ground! - Don't shoot, Officer! 466 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,120 Don't shoot, please. They're fake-- 467 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,440 - aah! 468 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,120 - Aah! [sobbing] 469 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,040 - Those are prop guns! 470 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,040 - Well... 471 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,200 I guess it just goes to show you... 472 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,640 prop guns belong backstage. 473 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,200 - And...scene. 474 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,320 - You have got to be kidding me! 475 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,960 - Professor Garrity Called and told me 476 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,600 what all of you were up to. 477 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,440 Made me mad. Guns aren't toys. 478 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,240 Fact: In 100% of all fake gun related shootings, 479 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:07,000 the victim is always the one with the fake gun. 480 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,320 Hey, Sean, you got breakfast plans? 481 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,240 - I do now. 482 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,880 - So, Sean... 483 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,520 we're still on for thanksgiving, right? 484 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,840 - Just talk to your father, Craig. 485 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,640 - Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie. 486 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,040 - Hey, Dean, 487 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,680 how 'bout that credit? 488 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,720 Damn it. 489 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,920 I'm not sure what lessons 490 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,840 either of us managed to teach each other, 491 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,480 but I am proud of Annie. 492 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,200 She took to deception like abed took to cougar town. 493 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,720 - It's really good. 494 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,440 - Especially when she went off script. 495 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,040 - You said to be convincing. 496 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,880 - Check it out, bros. 497 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:50,480 You made the front page! 498 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,200 - You know what this means. 499 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,200 - We've gone mainstream. 500 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,000 - Initiate protocol Omega. 501 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:01,880 - Tch. 502 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:02,880 [dramatic music] 503 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:21,600 ♪ ♪ 504 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:28,000 - We've started looting! 505 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,600 - Wanna build a cardboard submarine? 506 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,810 - Get out of my brain. 507 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,440 - Once... - upon... 508 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,720 - a... - time... 509 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,000 - there... - was... 510 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,400 - a... 511 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,720 - big... - spaceship. 512 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:42,720 - And... - aliens. 513 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,520 - And... - mercenaries. 514 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,600 - And? - War. 515 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,520 - And? - Betrayal. 516 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,400 - And? 517 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,560 - Romance? 518 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,000 - And... - karate. 519 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,760 - And? - Credits! 520 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,520 - The... - end. 521 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,120 - We should write a screenplay together. 522 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:03,080 - Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net