1 00:00:09,063 --> 00:00:10,770 - Da-da-doom. - Ba-dip ba. 2 00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:11,994 Did everyone have a good break? 3 00:00:11,995 --> 00:00:13,440 Yeah, I discovered a new back muscle 4 00:00:13,441 --> 00:00:14,500 to work out. 5 00:00:14,501 --> 00:00:17,303 Ladies, you'll thank me come tank top season. 6 00:00:17,304 --> 00:00:18,656 I checked all of Pierce's wardrobes 7 00:00:18,657 --> 00:00:20,244 for portals to magical worlds. 8 00:00:20,245 --> 00:00:22,483 All I found was something called Emmanuelle in Space 9 00:00:22,484 --> 00:00:24,036 on laserdisc... I couldn't watch it, 10 00:00:24,037 --> 00:00:25,989 but it sounded sexy. 11 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:27,743 Laserdisc. 12 00:00:27,744 --> 00:00:30,118 I joined a campus volunteer group that cleans the city. 13 00:00:30,119 --> 00:00:31,316 We picked up litter on the freeway 14 00:00:31,317 --> 00:00:32,398 and dredged the river. 15 00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:33,395 Dredged it for what? 16 00:00:33,396 --> 00:00:34,948 You know, garbage and stuff. 17 00:00:34,949 --> 00:00:37,641 Tires, condoms, needles. 18 00:00:37,981 --> 00:00:39,821 At one point, we found a finger. 19 00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:42,334 Why are you using your I-love-butterflies voice? 20 00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:43,744 What? Am I? 21 00:00:43,745 --> 00:00:44,560 I don't know. 22 00:00:44,561 --> 00:00:45,645 Volunteer work is nice. 23 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,051 You do nice things. 24 00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:48,076 With nice people. 25 00:00:48,077 --> 00:00:49,852 Ooh. 26 00:00:49,853 --> 00:00:53,315 Somebody's finding river fingers with a cute boy. 27 00:00:53,316 --> 00:00:55,256 What? No. 28 00:00:55,451 --> 00:00:58,168 Well, okay, yes, but it doesn't matter. 29 00:00:58,169 --> 00:01:00,377 It's not like I'm seeing anyone. There's just a guy. 30 00:01:00,378 --> 00:01:02,001 - A guy that goes to Greendale? - Mm. 31 00:01:02,002 --> 00:01:03,840 Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp? 32 00:01:03,841 --> 00:01:05,020 - It doesn't matter. - Is it the guy who looks 33 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,826 a little like Vince Vaughn but smells a lot like fish? 34 00:01:06,827 --> 00:01:08,347 I don't want to talk about it. 35 00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:10,091 Well, I have someone in my life 36 00:01:10,092 --> 00:01:11,124 that I'm happy to talk about. 37 00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:12,604 Again with the Jesus. 38 00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:14,096 Well, Jesus is always in my life, 39 00:01:14,097 --> 00:01:15,932 but things have been looking better every day 40 00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:17,614 with my ex-husband. 41 00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,412 Is it the guy that looks like Anderson Cooper 42 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,717 but with a soul patch and the ponytail? 43 00:01:21,718 --> 00:01:23,518 - No. - Is it black Michael Chiklis? 44 00:01:23,519 --> 00:01:25,068 - No. - The white George Foreman? 45 00:01:25,069 --> 00:01:26,705 You guys are talking about the same person. 46 00:01:26,706 --> 00:01:28,412 He's biracial, his name is David, 47 00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:29,436 and he's a human being. 48 00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:30,825 Guys, stop guessing. 49 00:01:30,826 --> 00:01:32,171 It's not a thing at all. It's just a friend. 50 00:01:32,172 --> 00:01:35,432 - Change the subject. - Chang the subject. 51 00:01:36,673 --> 00:01:38,654 What are you doing up there? 52 00:01:39,548 --> 00:01:41,936 It's the beginning of a new semester of Anthropology. 53 00:01:41,937 --> 00:01:43,645 And I'm here to get what I was promised. 54 00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,897 Sure. Who has Chang's pile of nothing? 55 00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:48,563 - You know what I mean. - I am sick of the runaround. 56 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,821 I'm here to demand an immediate answer 57 00:01:50,822 --> 00:01:52,465 about whether I'm joining the study group. 58 00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:54,840 Well, if we have to give an immediate answer, 59 00:01:54,841 --> 00:01:55,958 it would have to be no. 60 00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:57,011 Take your time. 61 00:01:57,167 --> 00:01:58,448 Sleep on it. 62 00:01:58,449 --> 00:01:59,772 Then get back to me. 63 00:01:59,980 --> 00:02:01,026 Or else. 64 00:02:04,011 --> 00:02:06,735 Jeff, you did say we would let him in eventually. 65 00:02:06,736 --> 00:02:09,291 That was before he started using his name as a pun. 66 00:02:09,528 --> 00:02:11,282 It makes me so changry. 67 00:02:11,283 --> 00:02:12,426 Oh, God, it's happening to me. 68 00:02:12,427 --> 00:02:14,013 Let's get back to who Annie's in love with. 69 00:02:14,014 --> 00:02:15,668 - Is it Fat Neil? - Blue Streak? 70 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:16,428 Mud Flaps? 71 00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,223 Okay, even I know some of these are Transformers. 72 00:02:18,224 --> 00:02:20,381 Who cares who it is? Let's just study. 73 00:02:20,382 --> 00:02:21,857 Study what? We haven't had our first class yet. 74 00:02:21,858 --> 00:02:22,706 Well, could we talk about something 75 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:23,631 other than Annie's love life? 76 00:02:23,632 --> 00:02:25,475 We could talk about my love life. 77 00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,532 Is it Jean-Claude van Overbite? 78 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,474 We should really start learning people's names. 79 00:02:30,475 --> 00:02:32,619 I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis. 80 00:02:33,832 --> 00:02:35,354 ♪ Give me some rope ♪ 81 00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:36,908 ♪ time in a dream ♪ 82 00:02:37,105 --> 00:02:38,580 ♪ give me the hope ♪ 83 00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:40,252 ♪ to run out of steam ♪ 84 00:02:40,253 --> 00:02:43,628 ♪ somebody said it could be here ♪ 85 00:02:43,858 --> 00:02:47,793 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 86 00:02:47,794 --> 00:02:51,988 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 87 00:02:52,726 --> 00:02:56,533 ♪ one by one, they all just fade away ♪ 88 00:02:59,935 --> 00:03:01,218 Duncan's late. 89 00:03:02,073 --> 00:03:04,590 I hope he didn't drive his car into another marathon. 90 00:03:04,591 --> 00:03:06,720 Shirley, how can you want to date your ex-husband 91 00:03:06,721 --> 00:03:08,684 - after what he did to you? - He apologized. 92 00:03:08,685 --> 00:03:10,150 Oh, he apologized. 93 00:03:10,151 --> 00:03:12,432 Well, I guess that completely unbangs that stripper. 94 00:03:12,433 --> 00:03:15,167 Well, forgive me for being forgiving. 95 00:03:15,168 --> 00:03:17,179 Oh, that's right. You don't know how. 96 00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:18,931 I'm relieved Shirley is seeing her ex-husband 97 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:19,912 and not Chang. 98 00:03:19,913 --> 00:03:21,780 Chang? Why would she be with Chang? 99 00:03:21,878 --> 00:03:24,054 Why do I have to say everything I'm thinking? 100 00:03:24,092 --> 00:03:26,618 I wish my mouth was further away from my brain. 101 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,717 I wish my brain had its own brain. 102 00:03:28,731 --> 00:03:30,736 I wish Chang hadn't had sex with Shirley. 103 00:03:30,737 --> 00:03:32,661 What? When? 104 00:03:32,742 --> 00:03:33,752 Where? 105 00:03:35,187 --> 00:03:36,122 How? 106 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,389 I can't talk about it. 107 00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:38,260 Troy, I'm your roommate. 108 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,808 I can keep a secret. 109 00:03:40,779 --> 00:03:42,770 Okay, remember that Halloween party 110 00:03:42,771 --> 00:03:43,771 that none of us can remember? 111 00:03:43,772 --> 00:03:45,477 I don't remember anything we can remember. 112 00:03:45,478 --> 00:03:47,072 Well, Chang left me a message that night 113 00:03:47,073 --> 00:03:48,161 saying that they did it. 114 00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,490 But... but you can't tell anybody. 115 00:03:51,055 --> 00:03:53,405 You have my word as your roommate, 116 00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:56,629 and that is a bond I will never violate. 117 00:03:57,808 --> 00:03:59,212 You can't tweet it either. 118 00:03:59,213 --> 00:04:00,674 We never discussed new media. 119 00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:01,928 Sorry all that stuff got dragged out 120 00:04:01,929 --> 00:04:04,605 about me having a crush on somebody. 121 00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:05,977 Why would you be sorry about that? 122 00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:08,404 You know. Awkward. 123 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,853 Annie, you don't think I actually care, did you? 124 00:04:10,854 --> 00:04:13,653 No, no, I just didn't want you to think I thought you cared. 125 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,808 Greetings, all and sundry, 126 00:04:14,809 --> 00:04:17,413 and welcome to your second semester of Anthropology, 127 00:04:17,414 --> 00:04:19,756 where it is about to get real. 128 00:04:20,338 --> 00:04:23,081 Now I forget where we left off last year. 129 00:04:23,092 --> 00:04:25,056 - Fat Neil. - The bronze age. 130 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,474 Thank you, Fat Neil. 131 00:04:26,514 --> 00:04:27,105 Neil's fine. 132 00:04:27,106 --> 00:04:28,705 Not from an actuarial standpoint. 133 00:04:28,706 --> 00:04:30,429 Now please forgive my lateness, 134 00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:34,143 but I wasn't sure how to find Greendale sober. 135 00:04:34,617 --> 00:04:36,825 Yes, you heard me right. 136 00:04:37,058 --> 00:04:39,155 I have stopped drinking. 137 00:04:39,543 --> 00:04:42,593 Mainly due to the fact that I could no longer get an erection. 138 00:04:42,594 --> 00:04:43,604 Now that I'm on the wagon, 139 00:04:43,605 --> 00:04:45,445 you can expect both this class 140 00:04:45,446 --> 00:04:50,096 and my penis to be more focused and rewarding. 141 00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:53,131 Also, there's gonna be more than one diorama. 142 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:54,183 Lame! 143 00:04:54,184 --> 00:04:56,472 - Boo. - I am so sorry. 144 00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,983 I train seeing-eye dogs, and today was graduation. 145 00:05:00,098 --> 00:05:02,158 I couldn't leave without shaking all their little paws. 146 00:05:02,159 --> 00:05:04,225 - Aww. - Rich. 147 00:05:04,226 --> 00:05:05,790 - Jeff. - Rich! 148 00:05:05,791 --> 00:05:08,062 - Annie. - Annie? Rich? 149 00:05:08,063 --> 00:05:09,308 You're taking Anthropology? 150 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,200 Well, you made it sound so fun. 151 00:05:11,201 --> 00:05:12,575 We spent the holiday break 152 00:05:12,576 --> 00:05:14,213 dredging a river together. We found... 153 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,420 A finger. Yeah. 154 00:05:15,421 --> 00:05:16,996 It sounds gruesome, I know, 155 00:05:16,997 --> 00:05:18,551 but I'm used to seeing that kind of thing, 156 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,283 - because I'm a doctor. - All: Ohh. 157 00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:26,969 I can't believe Rich actually enrolled in our class. 158 00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:28,115 It means he likes me, right? 159 00:05:28,116 --> 00:05:30,256 Why wouldn't he, Annie? He is so sweet. 160 00:05:30,257 --> 00:05:32,150 Yeah, sweet and wise. 161 00:05:32,151 --> 00:05:34,235 He has lived such a long, full life. 162 00:05:34,236 --> 00:05:35,355 How old is he again? 163 00:05:35,356 --> 00:05:36,584 30-something, I'm assuming. 164 00:05:36,585 --> 00:05:39,033 He has a landline and uses the word "album." 165 00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:40,842 You guys don't think he's too old for me, do you? 166 00:05:40,843 --> 00:05:43,231 - No. - No. Come on. 167 00:05:43,232 --> 00:05:46,092 By that logic, I wouldn't have a shot with anybody at this table. 168 00:05:46,093 --> 00:05:46,955 Ugh. 169 00:05:46,956 --> 00:05:48,348 Oh, speaking of creepy, 170 00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:50,545 sober Duncan is worse than drunk Duncan. 171 00:05:50,546 --> 00:05:52,675 I think this class is about to get really hard. 172 00:05:52,676 --> 00:05:54,063 I have an idea about that. 173 00:05:54,064 --> 00:05:55,146 Rich is really smart, 174 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,892 and he knows a lot about anthropology. 175 00:05:56,893 --> 00:05:58,127 If we were to start studying with him, 176 00:05:58,128 --> 00:05:59,180 I think it could help a lot. 177 00:05:59,181 --> 00:06:00,970 Plus, you know... 178 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,976 Oh, you know what, though? 179 00:06:03,977 --> 00:06:07,493 I just realized, so unfair to so many people. 180 00:06:07,494 --> 00:06:09,206 Right? Britta, you're always talking 181 00:06:09,207 --> 00:06:09,919 about how it's weird 182 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,496 we have no one of Latin descent 183 00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:12,521 - in our group. - Si. 184 00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:14,104 And, Pierce, you're always looking 185 00:06:14,105 --> 00:06:15,182 for someone old enough 186 00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:16,989 to find your racism subversive. 187 00:06:16,990 --> 00:06:18,473 I could go on and on. 188 00:06:18,597 --> 00:06:20,349 It is a process. 189 00:06:20,418 --> 00:06:21,319 It takes time. 190 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,225 Well, then I say we gather all the candidates 191 00:06:24,226 --> 00:06:26,604 and make an informed, democratic decision. 192 00:06:26,605 --> 00:06:27,807 We can have a little mixer 193 00:06:27,808 --> 00:06:30,330 and invite the people we're submitting for consideration. 194 00:06:30,370 --> 00:06:33,134 - All in favor of tonight? - Oh, I am. 195 00:06:33,284 --> 00:06:34,227 Thank you. I'm finished. 196 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,831 No, I'd say you got about two more good years. 197 00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:38,920 Oh, everyone, 198 00:06:39,534 --> 00:06:42,264 this is Andre, my ex-husband and boyfriend. 199 00:06:42,265 --> 00:06:43,963 He came to spend the day with me. 200 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:44,952 Hey, nice to meet you guys. 201 00:06:44,953 --> 00:06:47,409 You know, I've heard a lot about every last one of you. 202 00:06:47,410 --> 00:06:49,483 We haven't heard a lot about you or what you've done 203 00:06:49,484 --> 00:06:50,794 or with who. 204 00:06:50,971 --> 00:06:53,464 Well, I hope you give me a chance to make up 205 00:06:53,465 --> 00:06:55,663 for everything you haven't heard about me. 206 00:06:55,776 --> 00:06:58,227 Hey, how about a round of soft serve on me? 207 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,784 Shirley, I've been fed a lot of soft serve 208 00:07:03,785 --> 00:07:04,869 by a lot of guys. 209 00:07:04,870 --> 00:07:06,140 Sometimes it's rent money, 210 00:07:06,141 --> 00:07:07,708 sometimes it's Chili Peppers tickets, 211 00:07:07,709 --> 00:07:09,147 and, yeah, I'll admit it, 212 00:07:09,148 --> 00:07:11,309 one time it was a gym bag full of nickels, 213 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:14,266 but it never lasts, and they never change. 214 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,949 Britta, I'm a grown-ass woman, and I made my decision. 215 00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:18,278 But how do you know it's the right one? 216 00:07:18,279 --> 00:07:20,303 Because I'm pregnant, okay? 217 00:07:24,108 --> 00:07:27,032 I was going to wait to share my exciting news, 218 00:07:27,033 --> 00:07:28,899 but I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you 219 00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,788 that I am eight weeks along. 220 00:07:30,789 --> 00:07:32,694 Which is a little surprising. 221 00:07:33,882 --> 00:07:34,893 Halloween. 222 00:07:35,170 --> 00:07:36,645 - What? - Both: Nothing. 223 00:07:38,728 --> 00:07:42,185 Thanks for coming, fellow Anthropology students. 224 00:07:42,426 --> 00:07:43,349 For the first semester, 225 00:07:43,350 --> 00:07:45,818 you knew us as "that study group." 226 00:07:45,819 --> 00:07:48,060 But, tonight, we want to get to know you. 227 00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:49,254 Please forgive the spread. 228 00:07:49,255 --> 00:07:50,486 The vending machines haven't been restocked 229 00:07:50,487 --> 00:07:51,685 since before winter break. 230 00:07:51,686 --> 00:07:54,268 So help yourselves to tropical skittles, 231 00:07:54,269 --> 00:07:55,663 cigarettes, or mouthwash. 232 00:07:55,664 --> 00:07:58,757 And have a good time. 233 00:08:00,941 --> 00:08:03,619 Okay, so I have to figure out if Shirley did it 234 00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:06,004 with her ex-husband the week after Halloween. 235 00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:07,867 How are you gonna do that? 236 00:08:08,839 --> 00:08:10,201 I got moves. 237 00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:12,852 So...Bun in the oven. 238 00:08:12,853 --> 00:08:15,504 Guess it's no surprise after working on it all this time. 239 00:08:15,505 --> 00:08:17,157 Well, I wouldn't quite say working on it. 240 00:08:17,158 --> 00:08:18,156 Just kind of happens, you know. 241 00:08:18,157 --> 00:08:19,694 Oh, yeah, I do. 242 00:08:19,695 --> 00:08:21,641 Especially when the season's right. 243 00:08:21,772 --> 00:08:24,188 Dead leaves, pumpkins everywhere... 244 00:08:24,528 --> 00:08:26,983 Nature's Viagra. Right? 245 00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:27,991 I guess. 246 00:08:27,992 --> 00:08:29,264 And then when all the pumpkins 247 00:08:29,265 --> 00:08:30,915 just start to rot 248 00:08:31,035 --> 00:08:33,404 and all the children have removed their outfits 249 00:08:34,143 --> 00:08:37,211 because they've already gotten their candy... 250 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,193 I'm gonna go talk to some other people, all right? 251 00:08:47,950 --> 00:08:50,164 - So? - His mind is like a fortress. 252 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,008 Why don't we just tell Shirley, 253 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,046 "Hey, look, you slept with Chang"? 254 00:08:54,047 --> 00:08:55,217 Let her deal with it. 255 00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:56,750 Pierce, if someone had sex with Chang 256 00:08:56,751 --> 00:08:58,771 and they get to not remember that happened, 257 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,357 that's a gift from God. 258 00:09:00,358 --> 00:09:02,474 I'm not taking that away from her without a good reason. 259 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,471 Well, here's a good reason. 260 00:09:03,472 --> 00:09:04,343 You ever go to the bathroom 261 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,446 and find parsley in your teeth 262 00:09:05,447 --> 00:09:07,935 that your friends hadn't told you about? 263 00:09:08,030 --> 00:09:09,782 Now imagine your teeth are a uterus 264 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,552 and that parsley is a half-Chinese baby. 265 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:13,408 Hey, guys. 266 00:09:13,484 --> 00:09:14,922 I want you to meet someone. 267 00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:16,731 My name is Quendra, 268 00:09:16,768 --> 00:09:18,393 and I spell it with a Q-U. 269 00:09:18,394 --> 00:09:20,779 She's thinking about taking Anthropology. 270 00:09:20,780 --> 00:09:23,162 So maybe she would make a nice addition or two 271 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,567 to our study group. Something to consider. 272 00:09:25,568 --> 00:09:27,084 Are you Abed? 273 00:09:27,085 --> 00:09:28,765 I love Star Wars. 274 00:09:28,766 --> 00:09:31,477 - That's Troy. - I love footballs. 275 00:09:31,478 --> 00:09:33,379 Jeff, we're dealing with heavier things right now 276 00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,092 than your shameless lobbying. 277 00:09:35,093 --> 00:09:36,570 Rich brought kettle corn! 278 00:09:36,571 --> 00:09:38,849 Kettle corn! That's a fun-time snack. 279 00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:40,953 - Oh, looks great. - I make it in my garage. 280 00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,173 I'll take some of that. 281 00:09:44,696 --> 00:09:46,649 I spell kettle corn with a Q-U. 282 00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:48,077 Well, don't. 283 00:09:48,466 --> 00:09:49,946 What is this? What's going on? 284 00:09:49,947 --> 00:09:50,636 It's a mixer. 285 00:09:50,637 --> 00:09:52,786 Why is everyone from Anthro class here? 286 00:09:53,263 --> 00:09:55,439 Are you guys picking a new study group member? 287 00:09:55,501 --> 00:09:57,135 And you didn't invite me? 288 00:09:57,291 --> 00:09:58,427 We didn't know how to reach you. 289 00:09:58,428 --> 00:10:00,797 What are you talking about? I'm everywhere. 290 00:10:01,073 --> 00:10:02,174 We didn't know how to reach you. 291 00:10:02,175 --> 00:10:04,233 That's not a true. That's a lie. 292 00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,133 It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you. 293 00:10:06,134 --> 00:10:07,933 It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. 294 00:10:07,934 --> 00:10:09,610 It's a mixer. It's a mixer. 295 00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:12,830 Works every time. 296 00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:18,632 $50? What a pig. 297 00:10:25,388 --> 00:10:27,963 Jeff, I think we should vote now. 298 00:10:27,964 --> 00:10:29,800 Most people left after we ran out of skittles, 299 00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,348 and, come on, it's pretty obvious 300 00:10:31,349 --> 00:10:32,254 Rich is the best candidate. 301 00:10:32,255 --> 00:10:34,187 Yeah. Looks like he's our guy. 302 00:10:34,188 --> 00:10:35,241 I'll be right there. 303 00:10:36,841 --> 00:10:38,482 This can't be happening. 304 00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:40,233 I agree. 305 00:10:44,837 --> 00:10:46,351 You can't talk and then do a slow clap. 306 00:10:46,352 --> 00:10:47,888 You don't know that. 307 00:10:48,035 --> 00:10:49,201 But I know this. 308 00:10:49,487 --> 00:10:52,505 Unless you want a front row seat to Annie loves Richie, 309 00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:55,938 it's time to Chang your point of view. 310 00:10:55,939 --> 00:10:57,195 It's not even clever. 311 00:10:57,196 --> 00:10:59,334 You keep using it as the word change. 312 00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:03,952 Okay. Okay. 313 00:11:03,953 --> 00:11:07,720 Okay. Just do me a favor. 314 00:11:07,799 --> 00:11:09,880 Let me do all the talking and follow my lead. 315 00:11:09,881 --> 00:11:11,435 - Deal. - Okay. 316 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:14,921 Seriously, do you have brain damage? 317 00:11:14,922 --> 00:11:17,295 Rich is also board-certified in pediatrics, 318 00:11:17,296 --> 00:11:19,527 and, once a month, he flies down to volunteer 319 00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:22,051 in the rain forest, fixing children's cleft palates 320 00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:24,057 and teaching them acoustic guitar. 321 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:24,944 Other than that, 322 00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:27,656 well, his kettle corn speaks for itself. 323 00:11:27,657 --> 00:11:28,956 I couldn't agree more. 324 00:11:28,957 --> 00:11:31,255 It looks like this is an open-and-shut case. 325 00:11:31,256 --> 00:11:33,230 Did someone say case? 326 00:11:33,232 --> 00:11:34,966 Because I haven't made mine yet. 327 00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,987 What? What's your case? 328 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,563 Ben Chang is my case. 329 00:11:39,564 --> 00:11:40,938 You can't be serious. 330 00:11:40,939 --> 00:11:42,308 Oh, I'm serious, baby. 331 00:11:42,309 --> 00:11:43,623 I am yahoo serious. 332 00:11:43,624 --> 00:11:44,634 I'm serious F.M. 333 00:11:44,635 --> 00:11:47,009 Welcome to the world serious of seriousness, 334 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,185 sponsored by honey nut serios. 335 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,465 Are you stalling right now? 336 00:11:50,466 --> 00:11:51,670 Stalling? 337 00:11:53,726 --> 00:11:54,788 Stalling? 338 00:11:54,789 --> 00:11:56,834 No, Annie, in fact, you're gonna wish 339 00:11:56,835 --> 00:11:58,859 I was stalling... Oh, I just got it. Thank you. 340 00:12:02,094 --> 00:12:03,729 I want to say some names to you. 341 00:12:04,719 --> 00:12:05,847 Jeffrey Dahmer. 342 00:12:06,763 --> 00:12:07,929 Ted Bundy. 343 00:12:09,506 --> 00:12:10,480 Rich. 344 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,849 What do they have in common? 345 00:12:13,822 --> 00:12:16,395 We don't know them very well. 346 00:12:16,746 --> 00:12:18,803 What do we know about Ben Chang? 347 00:12:19,583 --> 00:12:21,564 - We know he's nuts. - Let him finish! 348 00:12:21,644 --> 00:12:24,639 We know he's dangerous, unpredictable, selfish. 349 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:27,292 We know he uses his name to make bad puns. 350 00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:28,530 Guilty as changed. 351 00:12:28,531 --> 00:12:31,792 When he talks, he over and underemphasizes words 352 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,123 seemingly at random. 353 00:12:33,124 --> 00:12:35,281 When he eats, he holds his fork 354 00:12:35,282 --> 00:12:36,926 like a murderer's knife, 355 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:40,727 gnawing at its skewered payload like a deranged woodland rodent. 356 00:12:40,728 --> 00:12:41,627 Bring it home! 357 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,370 We know he smells like band-aids. 358 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:45,613 We know he dresses like a Cuban cab driver. 359 00:12:45,614 --> 00:12:49,262 We know he exhibits, nay, flaunts proudly 360 00:12:49,263 --> 00:12:51,946 obvious symptoms of over half a dozen disorders 361 00:12:51,947 --> 00:12:54,474 you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy's pets. 362 00:12:54,475 --> 00:12:55,558 Feel the heat! 363 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:58,969 We know these things about Ben Chang. 364 00:12:58,970 --> 00:13:02,408 And so much more than we ever wanted to know about him. 365 00:13:02,409 --> 00:13:03,302 Why? 366 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:05,943 Because it's there. 367 00:13:06,255 --> 00:13:08,427 It's on the surface. 368 00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:11,352 What you see may be what you don't want, 369 00:13:11,353 --> 00:13:14,926 but it's also what you get. 370 00:13:16,064 --> 00:13:16,999 Wow. 371 00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:20,504 Who is this kettle-corn-popping phantom? 372 00:13:20,739 --> 00:13:22,468 This human question mark? 373 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,002 This number eight scoop of vanilla tapioca 374 00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:27,343 with a Ph.D in being swell 375 00:13:27,344 --> 00:13:29,874 and a master's in "everybody loves me"? 376 00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:30,925 Who is it? 377 00:13:33,921 --> 00:13:35,164 We may never know. 378 00:13:37,138 --> 00:13:39,631 I only know one thing. 379 00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:43,567 Nobody is this good a person. 380 00:13:45,326 --> 00:13:48,393 And nobody can get any worse 381 00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,520 than this. 382 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,727 Now. 383 00:14:01,983 --> 00:14:04,234 Who's voting for Chang? 384 00:14:06,157 --> 00:14:08,136 Who's voting for Rich? 385 00:14:11,669 --> 00:14:13,649 - Shirley. - Wow, what you gonna do, baby? 386 00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:15,011 I don't know. 387 00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:20,177 Shirley, this is the best kettle corn I've ever had. 388 00:14:20,178 --> 00:14:21,959 If you don't vote for Rich, 389 00:14:22,350 --> 00:14:23,510 I'll shatter your world. 390 00:14:23,511 --> 00:14:24,296 You're gonna what? 391 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,833 I'll shatter your world. 392 00:14:25,834 --> 00:14:27,583 I heard you. I vote for Chang. 393 00:14:27,584 --> 00:14:30,307 - Yes! - Yes! In your face! 394 00:14:30,308 --> 00:14:31,699 - No! - Yes! 395 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:32,594 No! 396 00:14:33,569 --> 00:14:36,089 Chang and Shirley had sex on Halloween. 397 00:14:37,062 --> 00:14:37,920 What? 398 00:14:38,037 --> 00:14:39,401 - What? - You may be pregnant 399 00:14:39,402 --> 00:14:43,260 - with his baby. - No. No, no, no, no. Mm-mm. 400 00:14:43,261 --> 00:14:44,157 Pierce! 401 00:14:44,668 --> 00:14:45,948 She crossed me. 402 00:14:45,949 --> 00:14:49,839 Is that why you were subtly interrogating me? 403 00:14:50,229 --> 00:14:52,118 - Troy? - Chang left me a voice mail 404 00:14:52,119 --> 00:14:55,512 on Halloween to say that you two did it. 405 00:14:55,513 --> 00:14:57,132 I could hear you in the background. 406 00:14:57,913 --> 00:14:59,670 Shirley, what is he talking about? 407 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:01,547 I don't remember that night. 408 00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:02,889 Nobody remembers anything. 409 00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:05,952 Oh, now I understand these photos. 410 00:15:07,635 --> 00:15:09,606 Do you mind if I forward these to my brother? 411 00:15:09,607 --> 00:15:12,053 Oh! I want this man out of here. 412 00:15:12,054 --> 00:15:13,820 Well, you just voted him in, so... 413 00:15:13,821 --> 00:15:15,389 What is wrong with you? 414 00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:16,567 Shirley is in crisis. 415 00:15:16,568 --> 00:15:18,139 This isn't silly anymore. 416 00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:19,577 I don't understand. 417 00:15:19,773 --> 00:15:21,339 Just... just wait, baby. 418 00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:23,118 I don't understand either, but we can work this out. 419 00:15:23,119 --> 00:15:24,400 We'll figure it out. 420 00:15:27,976 --> 00:15:29,220 Andre, no. 421 00:15:31,858 --> 00:15:35,431 I think that this is a good time to go. 422 00:15:35,432 --> 00:15:36,440 Rich! 423 00:15:36,441 --> 00:15:37,453 No! 424 00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:43,166 You finally did it, Jeff Winger. 425 00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:46,269 You finally hurt this group in a way that'll never heal. 426 00:15:48,728 --> 00:15:49,918 Kettle corn! 427 00:15:56,481 --> 00:15:57,498 There you are. 428 00:15:58,268 --> 00:15:59,476 Can you please explain to me 429 00:15:59,477 --> 00:16:00,422 what the hell you've been doing? 430 00:16:00,423 --> 00:16:02,339 Well, Annie, when a man 431 00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:04,075 loves food and beverages very much 432 00:16:04,076 --> 00:16:05,609 and they pass through his system, 433 00:16:05,610 --> 00:16:07,495 - they make... - I'm not in the mood, Jeff. 434 00:16:07,496 --> 00:16:08,320 Explain your behavior 435 00:16:08,321 --> 00:16:09,529 with Rich today. 436 00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:11,476 Sorry, not everyone is as in love 437 00:16:11,477 --> 00:16:13,720 with Dr. Do-No-Wrong as you are. 438 00:16:13,721 --> 00:16:15,232 And don't say it's because I'm jealous 439 00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:16,053 of him being with you. 440 00:16:16,054 --> 00:16:18,252 Oh, come on, Jeff! 441 00:16:18,253 --> 00:16:19,286 I'm sick of this. 442 00:16:19,287 --> 00:16:20,789 One minute, I'm too young to date. 443 00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:23,062 The next, you're trying to get rid of guys I like. 444 00:16:23,063 --> 00:16:24,862 Either you want me or you don't. 445 00:16:24,863 --> 00:16:25,797 What's it gonna be? 446 00:16:25,798 --> 00:16:27,202 I wish I could give you an answer 447 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:30,284 that makes sense, but relationships are complicated, 448 00:16:30,285 --> 00:16:31,830 and we're in the men's room. 449 00:16:31,831 --> 00:16:35,221 Fine. Well, I'm gonna ask Rich out. 450 00:16:35,478 --> 00:16:37,070 Nothing complicated about that. 451 00:16:40,993 --> 00:16:42,060 - There you are. - Did I walk 452 00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:43,132 into the wrong bathroom? 453 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,819 You have to find Andre and talk to him. 454 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:46,186 Shirley is devastated. 455 00:16:46,187 --> 00:16:48,286 Since when do you want him back in her life? 456 00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:50,250 I don't deny that I'm not a fan of the guy, 457 00:16:50,251 --> 00:16:51,214 but I'm a fan of Shirley, 458 00:16:51,215 --> 00:16:52,893 and this is what she wants. 459 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,449 There you are. 460 00:17:09,747 --> 00:17:10,990 Mezzanine? 461 00:17:18,439 --> 00:17:20,179 - Nice sweater. - Thanks. 462 00:17:20,444 --> 00:17:21,813 My dad gave it to me. 463 00:17:22,981 --> 00:17:26,786 - So, um... - Look, I'm not mad at Shirley. 464 00:17:26,955 --> 00:17:27,964 You're not? 465 00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:30,450 No. I'm mad at myself. 466 00:17:31,111 --> 00:17:32,632 You know, if I hadn't left her like I did, 467 00:17:32,633 --> 00:17:34,310 then none of this would have happened. 468 00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:38,175 You ever have something that you didn't truly appreciate 469 00:17:38,176 --> 00:17:40,023 until you didn't have it anymore? 470 00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:43,387 Oh, yeah. Keristina. 471 00:17:43,737 --> 00:17:44,439 Old girlfriend? 472 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,708 Almond facial scrub. 473 00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:47,142 They only make it in Finland. 474 00:17:48,357 --> 00:17:51,005 The old me would have been long gone by now. 475 00:17:51,545 --> 00:17:52,891 I didn't think I could ever change, 476 00:17:52,892 --> 00:17:55,064 but I'm gonna tell you, the love of a good woman 477 00:17:55,065 --> 00:17:56,557 makes anything possible. 478 00:17:59,664 --> 00:18:01,864 Well, it looks like I'm gonna be a daddy again. 479 00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:03,691 - Yeah, but... - Hey. 480 00:18:03,846 --> 00:18:06,028 Doesn't matter who the baby's father is. 481 00:18:06,178 --> 00:18:07,799 I'm in it for the long haul. 482 00:18:08,419 --> 00:18:09,584 And if it's mine, 483 00:18:09,868 --> 00:18:11,578 it's gonna be a great football player. 484 00:18:12,005 --> 00:18:13,327 And if it's Chang's, 485 00:18:14,699 --> 00:18:16,098 we'll go for golf. 486 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,209 - Hey. - Hey. 487 00:18:28,772 --> 00:18:30,211 Annie just texted me. 488 00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:31,533 She asked Rich out. 489 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:33,536 Cool. 490 00:18:33,537 --> 00:18:34,548 He said no. 491 00:18:35,635 --> 00:18:37,771 He said she's great but too young. 492 00:19:11,206 --> 00:19:13,692 Don't say anything until I've said what I've got to say. 493 00:19:14,637 --> 00:19:16,723 I've known you for almost two years now, 494 00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:20,298 and I've never taken you as seriously as I should have. 495 00:19:20,843 --> 00:19:25,607 You are the strangest, coolest, most genuine person 496 00:19:25,608 --> 00:19:29,600 I've ever met, and the thing that scares me 497 00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:33,080 about you is how good you make me wish I was. 498 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:36,383 Help me, Rich. 499 00:19:36,705 --> 00:19:38,299 Help me become like you. 500 00:19:39,389 --> 00:19:43,814 I mean, I am so amazing. 501 00:19:45,448 --> 00:19:47,118 But I'm not perfect. 502 00:19:48,713 --> 00:19:49,644 You are. 503 00:19:51,159 --> 00:19:53,064 Give me that power. 504 00:19:54,423 --> 00:19:56,016 So I can abuse it. 505 00:19:57,270 --> 00:19:59,915 Jeff, you are one funny bunny. 506 00:19:59,916 --> 00:20:01,577 You can't just fake being good 507 00:20:01,578 --> 00:20:03,207 in order to get away with doing bad things. 508 00:20:03,208 --> 00:20:05,172 Oh, I completely understand. 509 00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:09,606 And do you understand that I still have to try? 510 00:20:10,225 --> 00:20:12,634 And if you don't help me, 511 00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,422 you're a bad person. 512 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,736 You got me there, guy. 513 00:20:17,871 --> 00:20:19,466 Come on in and dry off. 514 00:20:20,891 --> 00:20:23,590 Oh, it smells delicious. Are you baking? 515 00:20:23,591 --> 00:20:25,315 Yeah, muffin tops. 516 00:20:26,904 --> 00:20:28,252 And we're back. Today, we'll show you 517 00:20:28,253 --> 00:20:30,286 how to make homemade kettle corn with Dr. Rich. 518 00:20:30,287 --> 00:20:31,090 Rich, how do I get 519 00:20:31,091 --> 00:20:32,421 one of those giant spoons? 520 00:20:32,422 --> 00:20:34,724 Well, actually, I carved this one myself 521 00:20:34,725 --> 00:20:36,946 after lightning struck an oak tree in my backyard. 522 00:20:36,947 --> 00:20:38,919 - Ooh. - And then I made my nephew 523 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:39,687 a rocking horse. 524 00:20:39,688 --> 00:20:42,055 - That's adorable. - It smells heavenly. 525 00:20:42,056 --> 00:20:43,986 Dr. Rich, what sets your kettle corn apart? 526 00:20:43,987 --> 00:20:45,754 Well, it's a secret ingredient... 527 00:20:45,755 --> 00:20:47,143 a couple extra pinches of love. 528 00:20:47,144 --> 00:20:48,900 Oh, you can't beat that. 529 00:20:48,901 --> 00:20:50,470 - It feels good. - Not this again. 530 00:20:50,471 --> 00:20:53,202 Rich, you know they're doing a fake morning show? 531 00:20:53,514 --> 00:20:54,796 There are no cameras. 532 00:20:55,152 --> 00:20:56,048 I know. 533 00:20:56,203 --> 00:20:58,181 It's just a fun way to start the day. 534 00:20:58,182 --> 00:20:59,576 So grab a paddle, partner, 535 00:20:59,577 --> 00:21:01,004 and hop on in here. 536 00:21:01,005 --> 00:21:02,677 You know what, that does sound... 537 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:03,628 Yeah. 538 00:21:05,552 --> 00:21:08,195 Troy and Abed in the morning. 539 00:21:08,395 --> 00:21:13,595 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net