1
00:00:00,751 --> 00:00:03,404
So I go into the bathroom with Tom...
2
00:00:03,529 --> 00:00:06,047
And we both, you know...
take em out.
3
00:00:06,724 --> 00:00:07,798
And I say,
4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,315
"Size more?
Try size less."
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,223
I wanna go to rehab and compare penises
with famous people.
6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,938
All in good time, kiddo.
7
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:21,369
Pierce,
we're very glad to have you back.
8
00:00:21,494 --> 00:00:22,563
I'm assuming.
9
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:23,732
You?
10
00:00:24,554 --> 00:00:26,233
So... What should we do now?
11
00:00:29,342 --> 00:00:32,782
I don't wanna be that guy, but I guess
we should start studying Anthropology.
12
00:00:39,703 --> 00:00:41,499
Chapter four.
13
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:44,585
Hello!
14
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,340
- Thanks.
- What is it?
15
00:00:50,423 --> 00:00:52,085
I have exciting news.
16
00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:53,955
Vice President Joe Biden
17
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,139
has been visiting community colleges
across the country as part of his
18
00:00:57,626 --> 00:00:59,684
"Biden Time
Talkin' 'Bout Teachin'" tour.
19
00:01:00,204 --> 00:01:01,686
Folksy, yet progressive.
20
00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:03,262
He does walk that line.
21
00:01:03,387 --> 00:01:06,489
Anyway, his tour is taking him
to this neck of the woods,
22
00:01:06,614 --> 00:01:09,151
and at 5:00 P.M. today,
he is stopping by Greendale!
23
00:01:09,997 --> 00:01:13,447
Eat that, city college and wash it down
with a nice tall glass of suck it.
24
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,233
The Vice President is coming.
25
00:01:15,705 --> 00:01:18,529
That explains the people I've noticed
surveilling the campus this week.
26
00:01:18,654 --> 00:01:19,870
Must be Secret Service.
27
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,957
Abed, will your reality ever come out
on BluRay so we can enjoy it?
28
00:01:23,469 --> 00:01:24,667
We've been made.
29
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:28,410
Only problem: Mr. Biden is supposed
to be meeting with the dean...
30
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,869
And the head of our Student Government,
which in its current form
31
00:01:31,994 --> 00:01:33,090
doesn't exist.
32
00:01:33,215 --> 00:01:36,721
So we have seven hours
to elect a Student President.
33
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:38,848
What am I gonna wear?
34
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:42,203
I mean, I could borrow
my sister's Uncle Sam outfit.
35
00:01:42,946 --> 00:01:44,533
It's tailored for ladies
36
00:01:44,658 --> 00:01:46,867
but what else can I do
on such short notice?
37
00:01:47,137 --> 00:01:49,092
You can not dress up like Uncle Sam.
38
00:01:49,535 --> 00:01:51,360
Or admit you don't have a sister.
39
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:54,112
We're electing a Student President.
I wanna run!
40
00:01:54,237 --> 00:01:56,532
I have so many ideas
for improving the school.
41
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,606
Improving Greendale
takes more than ideas.
42
00:01:58,731 --> 00:02:01,162
It takes time, gasoline, matches.
43
00:02:01,778 --> 00:02:02,779
Nice.
44
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,589
News flash, Jeff.
45
00:02:04,714 --> 00:02:07,835
Some of us care more than just fixing
our hair and sculpting our abs.
46
00:02:08,623 --> 00:02:09,919
You got me pegged.
47
00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:11,972
Democracy. What a ruse.
48
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,134
There's no such thing as a system
in which the masses hold any...
49
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,654
- Everyone wants you to shut up.
- And yet I won't.
50
00:02:17,891 --> 00:02:18,846
Case in point.
51
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:26,000
SAISON 2 – ÉPISODE 17
52
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:40,246
”INTRO TO POLITICAL SCIENCE”
53
54
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:52,438
We tend to take democracy
for granted in America.
55
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:56,143
But the fact is men have fought
and died
56
00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:58,012
for the sacred right
57
00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,037
we exercise today.
58
00:03:00,961 --> 00:03:03,942
So anyone who wants to be President,
59
00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:06,393
line up by the ice cream machine.
60
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:09,673
Your applause will determine
who gets into the primaries.
61
00:03:09,953 --> 00:03:13,147
And yes,
this is a ladies Uncle Sam outfit.
62
00:03:13,272 --> 00:03:15,444
It's my sister's.
It was last-minute.
63
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,874
I had no choice.
64
00:03:16,999 --> 00:03:18,612
I wonder if that's the same sister
65
00:03:18,737 --> 00:03:20,741
who tweets me to ask
if I think her brother's cute.
66
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:24,119
Jeff, what happened to
that pile of campaign fliers I gave you?
67
00:03:24,473 --> 00:03:25,736
I hung 'em all up.
68
00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:29,375
Real nice.
69
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,126
Is it too much
to ask you to pitch in?
70
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,852
I'm sorry, Annie.
I'm not the worker bee type.
71
00:03:33,977 --> 00:03:36,545
I'm more of a silverback gorilla
with the claws of a lion,
72
00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:39,301
the teeth of a shark,
and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.
73
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,886
First up is this fella.
74
00:03:42,644 --> 00:03:44,365
Tell everybody your name.
75
00:03:44,672 --> 00:03:45,975
- Garrett.
- Okay, Garrett.
76
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,018
And why do you want to be president?
77
00:03:48,302 --> 00:03:51,198
I wanted ice cream,
so I got in line...
78
00:03:52,388 --> 00:03:55,585
He wanted ice cream.
So what do we say, gang?
79
00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:58,110
Does he make it to the next round?
By applause.
80
00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:01,365
We've got our first nominee.
81
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,326
All right, the bar has been set.
All right, stand to the side.
82
00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:07,123
You know what?
83
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:09,270
At least worker bees
can set aside their egos
84
00:04:09,395 --> 00:04:11,333
and join together
to support a larger cause.
85
00:04:12,007 --> 00:04:15,088
Right, because politics
are all about larger causes.
86
00:04:15,573 --> 00:04:16,881
Face it, Annie.
87
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,716
Politics are all about ego,
88
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,134
popularity,
89
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,416
and parlor tricks.
90
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:23,100
Don't kid a lawyer.
91
00:04:23,651 --> 00:04:25,424
Well, if I see one, I won't.
92
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,222
It's a girl! Look at this.
93
00:04:30,347 --> 00:04:32,897
She's got a yellow shirt and a hat.
Who are you, sweetie?
94
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:34,607
Vicki.
95
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,358
Who's up for some Vicki, huh?
96
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,475
Abed Nadir,
I'm special agent Robin Vohlers.
97
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,018
This is special agent Keenlan
of the United States Secret Service.
98
00:04:42,143 --> 00:04:44,342
Will you submit to a search
of your personal belongings?
99
00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:45,468
Sure.
100
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,706
If I may ask, how did you notice
the campus was being observed?
101
00:04:50,831 --> 00:04:53,146
I guess I noticed 'cause
I'm used to being the only observer.
102
00:04:54,807 --> 00:04:57,922
- We're not used to being noticed.
- That sounds a little sad.
103
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:01,499
He's clean.
104
00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:06,597
Although I could issue a warning
for this bootleg of The Last Airbender.
105
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,324
Where were you a week ago?
106
00:05:11,719 --> 00:05:12,962
You can keep it.
107
00:05:13,544 --> 00:05:16,482
Well, another one makes the cut.
Congratulations, Leonard.
108
00:05:18,081 --> 00:05:19,068
Yes, wonderful.
109
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,059
Next up, Annie Edison.
110
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,617
My name is Annie Edison.
111
00:05:26,962 --> 00:05:29,784
And if elected,
I promise to make Greendale
112
00:05:29,909 --> 00:05:31,643
the signature community college
113
00:05:31,768 --> 00:05:34,583
of the entire western
3/4 of the Greendale area.
114
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:40,590
Looks like you're in the running,
Annie.
115
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,800
Looks like it is hard not to be.
116
00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:45,344
- Next up...
- I'm sorry. I got the heat, I gotta go.
117
00:05:46,941 --> 00:05:50,011
I believe that humankind
need not be governed.
118
00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:55,774
I don't care.
119
00:05:57,406 --> 00:05:59,947
Well, it's good to know
there's a floor on this thing.
120
00:06:00,206 --> 00:06:01,694
Thank you, Miss Perry.
121
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,990
Annie, I'm so proud of you.
People love you.
122
00:06:06,368 --> 00:06:08,569
I believe this campus
is a good place,
123
00:06:08,694 --> 00:06:10,239
filled with good people who
124
00:06:10,364 --> 00:06:12,371
just need someone
to protect their interests.
125
00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:19,086
My name is Jeff. I'm no politician.
126
00:06:19,684 --> 00:06:20,927
I'm just a fella.
127
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:24,383
I think that beer should be cold
and boots should be dusty.
128
00:06:25,405 --> 00:06:26,961
I think 9/11 was bad.
129
00:06:27,475 --> 00:06:28,913
And freedom, well,
130
00:06:29,648 --> 00:06:31,473
I think that's just
a little bit better.
131
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,812
The countdown has begun.
And at 5:00 tonight,
132
00:06:52,937 --> 00:06:55,372
one student will be president
while the rest will simply be.
133
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,650
For Greendale campus TV
I'm Abed Nadir.
134
00:06:57,775 --> 00:06:59,651
I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes.
135
00:06:59,776 --> 00:07:01,009
What? That's my name.
136
00:07:01,134 --> 00:07:04,298
As we head into the first round,
there are eight candidates in the lead.
137
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,009
Smart, attractive, but easily vexed.
138
00:07:07,555 --> 00:07:08,994
Did he change his last name?
139
00:07:09,119 --> 00:07:11,600
He's trying to court the Hispanic vote.
Alex "Starburns" Osbourne...
140
00:07:11,725 --> 00:07:14,080
Creepy. Seems Greek.
Possible drug dealer.
141
00:07:15,031 --> 00:07:16,902
Crowd favorite.
Also called Hot Wings.
142
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,605
Short for Magnetic Attitude.
He's a one-man party.
143
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,245
- The wizard of wet wipes.
- I live with that dude.
144
00:07:22,370 --> 00:07:24,133
He's got night terrors
and a rotary phone.
145
00:07:24,755 --> 00:07:27,362
That guy's just a mess.
It's like God spilled a person.
146
00:07:28,366 --> 00:07:29,990
Yellow shirt, hat.
147
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:33,254
Girl... you know,
you gotta ask yourself right now, Abed.
148
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,127
What's up with politics?
149
00:07:36,252 --> 00:07:37,943
Yeah.
You're precisely right, Troy.
150
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:40,876
I hear they're getting ready to start,
we'll return to the debates.{\*I hear they're getting ready to start,
so we'll turn it over to coverage of the debates.}
151
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:46,507
Who's that?
152
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,842
Special agent Vohlers.
United States Secret Service.
153
00:07:49,509 --> 00:07:51,553
Do you just constantly
have your own side adventures?
154
00:07:53,725 --> 00:07:54,726
Me too.
155
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,843
Jeff, knock it off.
You're not running sincerely.
156
00:08:02,968 --> 00:08:05,025
You're not even interested
in Student Government.
157
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,142
I know, and yet, the people love me.
158
00:08:07,267 --> 00:08:09,238
It's almost
as if politics were a huge joke.
159
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,033
Okay, look.
I'm sorry I asked you to hang my fliers,
160
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,494
but I suggest you drop out right now,
161
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,174
'cause not only will I beat you,
I will make you cry.
162
00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:22,042
I feel a slight ego
blowing in from the East.
163
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,919
You're gonna feel my foot
from the South.
164
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,839
- Bring it on, Ponce De Leon.
- I'm gonna, Greg Muldunna.
165
00:08:28,414 --> 00:08:29,395
It's a real guy.
166
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,820
He owns a mattress store downtown.
You can look it up.
167
00:08:37,863 --> 00:08:38,976
Vicki, look at me.
168
00:08:40,511 --> 00:08:41,917
I'm going to crush you.
169
00:08:42,457 --> 00:08:44,576
- Stop that!
- I'm gonna eat your brains, Vicki.
170
00:08:44,846 --> 00:08:47,148
I'm gonna slurp em right out
of that melon you call a head.
171
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:50,946
A reminder to all candidates:
Your microphones are currently on.
172
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,990
They better be,
'cause I'm on fire up here.
173
00:08:54,471 --> 00:08:57,244
You freak people out, you know that?
You look weird...
174
00:08:58,817 --> 00:09:00,071
Because of your overbite.
175
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,320
Let's just get started.
176
00:09:02,445 --> 00:09:06,168
Welcome to the Greendale
Community College presidential debate.
177
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:09,882
Candidates, if elected,
what will you do?
178
00:09:11,943 --> 00:09:14,607
I'm running
on a platform of school improvement.
179
00:09:14,732 --> 00:09:15,781
If I'm elected,
180
00:09:15,906 --> 00:09:18,807
the black mold will be removed
from the East stairwell.
181
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,826
The assailant known only
as "the asscrack bandit"
182
00:09:21,951 --> 00:09:23,395
will be brought to justice.
183
00:09:23,755 --> 00:09:26,047
And I will balance
the school's budget
184
00:09:26,172 --> 00:09:28,850
by eliminating
administrative redundancies.
185
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:31,934
I'm in the room.
186
00:09:32,059 --> 00:09:33,707
Thank you, Miss Edison.
187
00:09:33,832 --> 00:09:34,781
Mr. Winger?
188
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,593
Well, that's an important question.
189
00:09:36,863 --> 00:09:39,494
And it's important
to students like Jeremy,
190
00:09:39,817 --> 00:09:42,206
who told me today
that he is majoring in Astronomy
191
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,055
and is supporting two children.
192
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:47,085
It's an important question to Maria,
193
00:09:47,413 --> 00:09:48,970
who's a beautiful Latina
194
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,298
born in Nicaragua,
working in the cafeteria.
195
00:09:52,121 --> 00:09:53,483
What will I do, dean?
196
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,467
These people don't want me to say
what I'll do.
197
00:09:57,115 --> 00:09:59,806
They want me to do what I'll say.
198
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,871
They love it
when you shuffle the words around.
199
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:07,590
Magnitude?
200
00:10:12,281 --> 00:10:13,195
Same question.
201
00:10:13,686 --> 00:10:14,713
Same answer.
202
00:10:18,987 --> 00:10:20,744
Mind if I ask you a few questions?
203
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,248
Was there a reason
you had to repeat the first grade?
204
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:28,328
Well, I didn't know how to use scissors,
I sat in the middle of the seesaw.
205
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:30,796
I found the distinction
between duck and goose very arbitrary.
206
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,006
Couldn't you pick the sixth kid
every time?
207
00:10:34,712 --> 00:10:37,058
- I would have done that.
- I went with four.
208
00:10:39,759 --> 00:10:41,598
Geez, get a room, you two.
209
00:10:42,774 --> 00:10:44,729
Pierce Hawthorne, your platform?
210
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,980
My platform will be one high enough
to push Vicki off to her death.
211
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:54,332
- Looks like Vicki is out of the race.
- Then I am too.
212
00:10:54,457 --> 00:10:57,072
I was only here to get back at her
for not lending me a pencil.
213
00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,243
Can we get back on track here?
214
00:11:01,948 --> 00:11:05,690
I just want to get the black mold
out of the East stairwell.
215
00:11:05,815 --> 00:11:09,293
I just want to clean up Greendale.
216
00:11:09,694 --> 00:11:11,295
Are you saying Greendale is dirty?
217
00:11:16,188 --> 00:11:18,302
Of course it's dirty.
Everyone knows that.
218
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,471
I don't.
219
00:11:20,186 --> 00:11:21,305
I think it's clean.
220
00:11:21,829 --> 00:11:24,558
I think it's the cleanest school
in the entire country.
221
00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:26,268
You know it is.
222
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,121
Jeff Winger's
got this thing in the bag.
223
00:11:28,246 --> 00:11:29,047
Yes.
224
00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:31,740
Say what you will about this or that,
but people like the guy.
225
00:11:32,278 --> 00:11:34,912
Read my lips.
226
00:11:36,033 --> 00:11:37,983
No matter what you're told.
227
00:11:38,848 --> 00:11:41,207
We have to clean the mold.
228
00:11:42,149 --> 00:11:43,618
No matter what you're told.
229
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:47,622
We have to clean the mold!
That's right, people!
230
00:11:48,089 --> 00:11:50,208
No matter what you're told.
231
00:11:50,521 --> 00:11:52,336
We have to clean the mold.
232
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,048
This is interesting.
Annie Edison has reduced her platform
233
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,967
to one issue and turned that issue
into a sound bite.
234
00:11:59,092 --> 00:12:00,469
And it rhymes,
235
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,054
and people love it.
236
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,140
This election's become a horse race.
According to our polls,
237
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,986
the campus is almost evenly divided.
238
00:12:07,111 --> 00:12:09,478
Keep in mind the margin of error
is about 98%.
239
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,673
Could be higher,
we don't know how to do margins.
240
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:14,352
- We talked to two people.
- We're taking a quick break.
241
00:12:14,477 --> 00:12:15,886
- Stay tuned.
- They have to.
242
00:12:16,011 --> 00:12:17,944
- It's closed circuit TV.
- If you say so.
243
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,113
And we're out.
244
00:12:21,009 --> 00:12:22,328
Can I get an apple juice?
245
00:12:22,453 --> 00:12:25,163
Freshly squeezed this time
or so help me God, Maurice.
246
00:12:25,992 --> 00:12:29,498
Those guys in the suits
are trashing your dorm room real bad.
247
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:38,784
A problem?
248
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,634
Random spot check.
Stay out.
249
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:42,450
Nothing suspicious.
250
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,179
Glenn, bring the car around.
251
00:12:48,411 --> 00:12:49,644
What are you looking for?
252
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,771
Fertilizer, car battery, PVC piping,
anything suspicious.
253
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:53,980
I'm suspicious?
254
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,903
Or because you wish I was suspicious
to see more of me.
255
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,113
This was random.
256
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,796
- Do you like me?
- Not relevant.
257
00:13:05,174 --> 00:13:05,992
Stop.
258
00:13:06,988 --> 00:13:07,786
Sure?
259
00:13:09,751 --> 00:13:11,182
You smell like nice soap.
260
00:13:12,096 --> 00:13:13,083
I have to go.
261
00:13:16,494 --> 00:13:19,684
I'm sorry you weren't more
a potential threat to the country.
262
00:13:25,128 --> 00:13:27,857
People are pretty excited
about this black mold issue.
263
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,435
I'm thinking about smashing a watermelon
with a hammer.
264
00:13:32,589 --> 00:13:35,439
If I admit politics are stupid,
will you stop making them stupid?
265
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,442
You're gonna split the vote
and Starburns is gonna end up President.
266
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,402
I'm trying
to get something done here.
267
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,070
And you deserve
to be allowed to do it?
268
00:13:43,195 --> 00:13:45,031
You're entitled to be President?
269
00:13:45,515 --> 00:13:47,964
The gloves are coming off.
You understand me?
270
00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:49,870
I have an audio-visual presentation.
271
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:51,079
I'm shaking.
272
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,123
You should be.
You should be.
273
00:13:54,472 --> 00:13:55,917
Let us resume.
274
00:13:56,408 --> 00:13:58,253
Starburns, we haven't heard from you
275
00:13:58,782 --> 00:14:00,146
on this black mold issue.
276
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,530
I actually withdraw my candidacy.
277
00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:06,397
I fear a political career will shine
a negative light on my drug dealing.
278
00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:07,779
Thank you.
279
00:14:09,212 --> 00:14:11,659
Before this election stops being
about the issues,
280
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,034
I have a question for my opponents.
281
00:14:14,374 --> 00:14:15,770
What's your favorite color?
282
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,230
Mine's a three-way tie.
283
00:14:17,984 --> 00:14:20,774
Red, white, and blue.
284
00:14:22,582 --> 00:14:23,904
Magnitude, a response?
285
00:14:24,509 --> 00:14:26,151
I think you know, Dean.
286
00:14:32,711 --> 00:14:33,663
I set him up.
287
00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:36,374
I have an audio-visual presentation.
288
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,918
That sounds interesting.
289
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,211
What's that?
290
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,630
My presentation
is a copy of Jeff Winger's
291
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,048
1997 audition tape
292
00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:44,966
for MTV's The Real World.
293
00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:46,468
What? What?
294
00:14:46,848 --> 00:14:47,969
Let's just roll it.
295
00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:55,410
I'm Jeff Winger and I'd love to be
on MTV's Real World: Seattle.
296
00:14:55,535 --> 00:14:56,935
So check this out.
297
00:15:00,878 --> 00:15:02,770
Well I guess it would be nice
298
00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:05,820
If I could be on MTV
299
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,186
So please please take a look at me
300
00:15:08,311 --> 00:15:10,000
For The Real World
301
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,868
Oh I'm gonna apply twice...
302
00:15:12,332 --> 00:15:13,578
Where did you get that?
303
00:15:13,916 --> 00:15:17,963
Folks, who do you want
shaking Joe Biden's hand at 5:00 PM?
304
00:15:18,232 --> 00:15:19,709
Me or...
305
00:15:21,235 --> 00:15:22,170
Shut up!
306
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,505
I was, like, 19.
307
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,924
We've all been 19,
and none of us did this.
308
00:15:26,578 --> 00:15:27,509
None of us.
309
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,223
I hate you!
310
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,675
I hate this school!
311
00:15:35,218 --> 00:15:37,800
And I hope
you all get black mold poisoning!
312
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,563
I hate you!
313
00:15:53,807 --> 00:15:55,120
Are you in here?
314
00:15:56,007 --> 00:15:57,626
Yeah, to be alone.
315
00:15:57,751 --> 00:15:59,916
I've already established
the men's room doesn't work.
316
00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,168
You have an apartment.
317
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,808
There are people in the parking lot
singing that song.
318
00:16:05,508 --> 00:16:06,548
I went too far.
319
00:16:07,483 --> 00:16:08,486
I'm sorry.
320
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,052
- I didn't know it would be that bad.
- You knew.
321
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:12,975
You didn't care.
322
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,306
But don't apologize.
323
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,006
I got what I deserved.
324
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:19,144
I am a gross, jaded adult
325
00:16:19,692 --> 00:16:22,022
with control issues
that couldn't let a young,
326
00:16:22,406 --> 00:16:25,249
bright, idealistic kid
run for President.
327
00:16:28,524 --> 00:16:30,113
Isn't there a final round of debates?
328
00:16:34,399 --> 00:16:36,799
- You're missing it!
- Troy, I'm out.
329
00:16:37,092 --> 00:16:38,913
Me too.
I withdrew my candidacy.
330
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:42,834
Nobody treats a friend the way I did
is fit to represent the student body.
331
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,336
I know you're both out.
332
00:16:44,958 --> 00:16:46,394
I'm saying you're missing it.
333
00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:48,663
It's the political showdown
of the century.
334
00:16:57,909 --> 00:17:00,560
You should have stayed in the running.
You're the real candidate.
335
00:17:01,581 --> 00:17:04,236
I was just another jerk
trying to win a contest.
336
00:17:04,537 --> 00:17:05,781
You were right.
337
00:17:05,906 --> 00:17:08,902
I just couldn't admit it
until I saw you running away crying.
338
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,365
I care what you think about me,
you know?
339
00:17:14,956 --> 00:17:16,701
I care what you think about me.
340
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,394
That's why this happened.
341
00:17:21,186 --> 00:17:22,785
Resolved, then.
342
00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:24,931
Resolved.
343
00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:29,631
When we seek to destroy others,
344
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:32,240
we often hurt ourself.
345
00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:36,721
Because it is the self
that wants to be destroyed.
346
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,379
You're not usually so poignant.
347
00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:43,812
Vicki finally lent me her pencil.
348
00:17:45,577 --> 00:17:46,856
Go to the health center!
349
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,881
We've finally reached
the end of election road.
350
00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:54,073
Arguments have been made,
pops have been popped.
351
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,317
Hearts have been stirred,
perhaps broken.
352
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,681
The only thing that remains
is to tally the vote in this matchup
353
00:18:00,092 --> 00:18:02,455
between the youthful,
charismatic Magnitude,
354
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,772
and the Leonard
"the Human Raisin" Rodriguez.
355
00:18:04,897 --> 00:18:06,861
Two men fighting
for the same piece of earth.
356
00:18:07,142 --> 00:18:08,994
One recently born.
One soon to die.
357
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,835
A competition reflecting
the pointlessness of life.
358
00:18:12,632 --> 00:18:14,497
Pull up.
You're in a nosedive.
359
00:18:14,622 --> 00:18:17,395
I'm being told now that Dean Pelton
is prepared to announce a winner.
360
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,013
Let's go to the room.
361
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,391
Okay. Here we go.
362
00:18:21,942 --> 00:18:23,143
Thank you, Sergio.
363
00:18:23,725 --> 00:18:25,537
With 11 votes cast...
364
00:18:25,662 --> 00:18:27,162
11? Come on, people.
365
00:18:29,165 --> 00:18:31,401
The landslide winner
366
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,932
of the student election
367
00:18:33,057 --> 00:18:36,755
with seven votes is...
368
00:18:37,076 --> 00:18:38,175
South Park.
369
00:18:39,469 --> 00:18:40,952
Okay.
You know what?
370
00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:45,139
This is why we abolished
Student Government in the first place.
371
00:18:45,264 --> 00:18:47,625
This is exactly
what happened ten years ago.
372
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:51,505
How hard is it
to get rid of black mold?
373
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,715
What do we need, buckets and sponges?
374
00:18:54,449 --> 00:18:56,342
I don't actually know.
375
00:18:57,355 --> 00:18:58,597
We'll look it up.
376
00:18:59,929 --> 00:19:00,930
My lady.
377
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,432
There you have it.
378
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,037
In a shocking write-in upset,
379
00:19:04,162 --> 00:19:06,359
the Comedy Central cartoon
series South Park
380
00:19:06,484 --> 00:19:08,951
has been elected president
of the Greendale student body.
381
00:19:09,076 --> 00:19:10,950
Not that shocking to me.
I voted for it.
382
00:19:11,075 --> 00:19:12,475
For real?
Me too.
383
00:19:13,405 --> 00:19:14,944
We can never stop being friends.
384
00:19:15,562 --> 00:19:18,458
As the confetti gets swept away,
we begin gearing up for next election,
385
00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,678
for GCTV, I'm Abed Nadir saying,
386
00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:23,804
"Did you know you could make napalm
out of common dish soap and cat food?"
387
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:24,930
What?
388
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,563
Why would you say that?
389
00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:34,964
Vohlers.
390
00:19:38,393 --> 00:19:40,583
Sorry, we're gonna have
to move on to city college.
391
00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:42,764
There's an elevated threat level
at Greendale.
392
00:19:43,127 --> 00:19:45,085
But don't worry.
I'll check it out.
393
00:19:45,598 --> 00:19:47,398
- Personally.
- Whatever.
394
00:19:50,015 --> 00:19:53,062
I had a dream
I was the regular President.
395
00:19:59,438 --> 00:20:01,391
You've done so much for our city.
396
00:20:01,516 --> 00:20:05,187
Kickpuncher, is there anything
that we can give you?
397
00:20:06,363 --> 00:20:07,933
Don't call me Kickpuncher.
398
00:20:08,590 --> 00:20:09,541
Call me...
399
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,114
David.
400
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:23,996
This was fun.
401
00:20:25,518 --> 00:20:27,988
Maybe you can observe me having dinner
next time.
402
00:20:28,113 --> 00:20:30,009
Honk twice for "yes," once for "no."
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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