1
00:00:01,538 --> 00:00:03,120
Why did I come to Greendale?
2
00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:07,163
So I can keep my job
and get busy with my education.
3
00:00:08,561 --> 00:00:10,066
To meet different people.
4
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:14,670
Because Greendale's
a slam dunk.
5
00:00:14,705 --> 00:00:16,038
- So why should you--
- Why should you--
6
00:00:16,073 --> 00:00:17,406
Why should you go Greendale?
7
00:00:17,441 --> 00:00:18,841
That's easy.
8
00:00:18,876 --> 00:00:21,010
Greendale has
the most advanced typing class
9
00:00:21,044 --> 00:00:22,578
in the southwestern
Greendale area.
10
00:00:22,613 --> 00:00:24,714
And now you can register
by fax.
11
00:00:24,748 --> 00:00:27,183
All: Go Greendale,
go Greendale, go!
12
00:00:27,217 --> 00:00:29,519
That, as you probably know,
13
00:00:29,553 --> 00:00:31,571
is the currently-running
commercial for our school.
14
00:00:31,605 --> 00:00:33,656
Yeah, I always see it
during late-night marathons
15
00:00:33,690 --> 00:00:34,690
of Fantasy Island.
16
00:00:34,724 --> 00:00:36,025
That's not an accident.
17
00:00:36,059 --> 00:00:38,027
It's the result
of intensive targeting.
18
00:00:38,061 --> 00:00:40,246
But now,
Greendale's School board
19
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:44,733
has given me a budget of
$2,000 to update our little ad.
20
00:00:44,751 --> 00:00:46,285
Are you sure it should change?
21
00:00:46,336 --> 00:00:47,736
I chose Greendale
over city college
22
00:00:47,754 --> 00:00:49,505
because of the way
that one dude goes...
23
00:00:50,043 --> 00:00:51,693
- [Both giggling]
- Ah, okay, okay.
24
00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:54,053
You know I love to be seen
agreeing with you, Troy.
25
00:00:55,062 --> 00:00:56,745
But this is our chance to make
26
00:00:56,763 --> 00:00:59,148
Greendale's most reasonable
dreams come true.
27
00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:01,300
And I need your help--
All of you.
28
00:01:01,351 --> 00:01:03,636
That's okay, Jeffrey.
29
00:01:03,687 --> 00:01:04,954
You can say no.
30
00:01:04,988 --> 00:01:07,206
This school asks
very little of its students.
31
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,558
It mainly gives.
32
00:01:08,592 --> 00:01:11,694
I feel like you guys might know
what I'm talking about.
33
00:01:11,728 --> 00:01:12,962
[Sighs]
34
00:01:12,996 --> 00:01:14,997
[Stiffly]
How can we help?
35
00:01:15,032 --> 00:01:16,616
Oh, thanks for asking.
36
00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:19,318
I've chosen you,
Greendale's brightest,
37
00:01:19,369 --> 00:01:21,454
most coincidentally diverse,
hispanics not withstanding,
38
00:01:21,488 --> 00:01:24,507
study group to star
in our commercial.
39
00:01:24,541 --> 00:01:26,042
- Ooh.
- Pick a character.
40
00:01:26,076 --> 00:01:27,543
We start this weekend.
41
00:01:27,578 --> 00:01:29,011
Oh, we get to be on tv!
42
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:30,279
But if we're shooting
this weekend,
43
00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:31,664
why are these cameras here?
44
00:01:31,715 --> 00:01:34,834
Abed, true to form, has
decided to do the weird thing
45
00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:37,637
and film a documentary
instead of helping.
46
00:01:37,671 --> 00:01:39,121
As a student of character,
I have a feeling
47
00:01:39,156 --> 00:01:40,122
that trying to make
this commercial
48
00:01:40,157 --> 00:01:41,691
may cost the dean his sanity.
49
00:01:41,725 --> 00:01:44,060
And my camera follows
the fire, not the smoke.
50
00:01:44,094 --> 00:01:45,261
Ever seen Hearts of Darkness?
51
00:01:45,295 --> 00:01:46,729
Way better than Apocalypse Now.
52
00:01:46,763 --> 00:01:48,931
What's the catering sitch
going to be on this picture?
53
00:01:48,966 --> 00:01:50,032
This isn't Hollywood, Pierce.
54
00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:52,101
If it was, these glasses
would be tinted,
55
00:01:52,135 --> 00:01:53,135
and I'd be friends
with Stevie Nicks.
56
00:01:53,153 --> 00:01:54,520
No catering.
57
00:01:54,571 --> 00:01:55,905
This is outrageous.
58
00:01:55,939 --> 00:01:57,323
I'm not leaving my trailer
till there's food.
59
00:01:57,357 --> 00:01:58,908
You don't have a trailer.
60
00:01:58,942 --> 00:02:00,526
Well, then,
I'll rent a trailer.
61
00:02:00,577 --> 00:02:02,979
And I won't leave it till
I have the one I don't have.
62
00:02:03,013 --> 00:02:04,280
I'm an actor,
not a circus freak.
63
00:02:04,314 --> 00:02:05,748
Oh, no.
64
00:02:05,782 --> 00:02:07,833
I needed to go that way.
65
00:02:07,868 --> 00:02:09,986
Eh, I'll loop around.
66
00:02:10,020 --> 00:02:13,856
♪ Give me some rope,
time in a tree ♪
67
00:02:13,891 --> 00:02:16,926
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
68
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,062
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪
69
00:02:20,097 --> 00:02:24,350
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
70
00:02:24,384 --> 00:02:29,405
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
71
00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:33,918
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪
72
00:02:33,918 --> 00:02:36,818
sync by honeybunny
corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com
73
00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:40,182
All right, let's rehearse
this mamajama.
74
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,535
Does everyone know
who they are?
75
00:02:42,569 --> 00:02:43,920
Where's my script girl?
76
00:02:43,954 --> 00:02:45,371
It's supervisor,
and I'm right behind you.
77
00:02:45,405 --> 00:02:47,540
Thank you, supervisor girl.
78
00:02:47,574 --> 00:02:49,375
Faster than a locomotive.
79
00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:51,077
A script supervisor
is the person
80
00:02:51,128 --> 00:02:52,695
that tells everyone
to stay on script
81
00:02:52,713 --> 00:02:56,165
and keeps careful notes to
prevent logical inconsistencies.
82
00:02:56,199 --> 00:02:58,534
So... basically the star.
83
00:02:58,552 --> 00:03:00,803
We open on
a typical day at Greendale,
84
00:03:00,837 --> 00:03:02,271
only the students
all look happy
85
00:03:02,306 --> 00:03:03,973
and you can't smell that smell.
86
00:03:04,007 --> 00:03:05,257
Troy?
87
00:03:05,309 --> 00:03:06,876
"Why do I go Greendale?"
88
00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:08,394
"With three kids at home,
89
00:03:08,428 --> 00:03:10,062
you better believe
every penny counts."
90
00:03:10,097 --> 00:03:12,014
"To meet different people."
91
00:03:12,048 --> 00:03:13,716
And then, you and Troy hug--
92
00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:15,601
if you're comfortable with that.
93
00:03:15,652 --> 00:03:17,052
- Of course.
- Yeah, Troy and I are buds.
94
00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:19,071
Best buds. Air buds, even.
95
00:03:21,608 --> 00:03:22,825
[Nervous laughter]
96
00:03:22,859 --> 00:03:24,744
[Muttering]
Feeling stupid.
97
00:03:24,778 --> 00:03:27,747
And then, the camera pans,
and enter Dean Pelton.
98
00:03:27,781 --> 00:03:30,116
I got stuck with
the role of the dean.
99
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,835
So I'm going to show him
how much of a dean I can be.
100
00:03:32,869 --> 00:03:36,172
And I've got a feeling
I won't make the cut.
101
00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:37,573
[As Dean Pelton]
Welcome to Dean-Dale
102
00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:38,624
community colle-dean.
103
00:03:38,675 --> 00:03:40,459
I'm a silly goose.
104
00:03:40,510 --> 00:03:43,245
Honk, honk.
Dean-a-Lee-doo.
105
00:03:43,263 --> 00:03:44,263
- Look at me.
- Stop.
106
00:03:44,297 --> 00:03:46,081
This is my sister's outfit.
107
00:03:46,099 --> 00:03:48,351
Jeffrey, stop.
108
00:03:48,385 --> 00:03:50,603
You've hit gold.
Save some for the screen.
109
00:03:50,637 --> 00:03:52,254
All right, people,
scene six is up first.
110
00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:53,990
Oh, and I don't think
Pierce is coming back.
111
00:03:54,024 --> 00:03:55,608
Can someone fill in
as the pencil?
112
00:03:55,642 --> 00:03:58,260
Pierce Hawthorne,
screen of stage and star,
113
00:03:58,295 --> 00:04:01,147
will not leave this trailer
until he gets a trailer.
114
00:04:01,198 --> 00:04:04,633
And then I'm not leaving that
trailer until there's catering.
115
00:04:04,668 --> 00:04:06,502
And I'm not eating
the food until--
116
00:04:06,536 --> 00:04:08,170
And action.
117
00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:10,039
[As Dean Pelton]
Why go Greendale?
118
00:04:10,073 --> 00:04:14,143
Just because, just dean it!
Dean machine.
119
00:04:14,177 --> 00:04:15,294
Got dean, got much,
much got--
120
00:04:15,328 --> 00:04:17,046
And cut.
121
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,647
Oh, a star is born.
122
00:04:18,682 --> 00:04:20,983
I suggested to the dean
that we shoot my scenes
123
00:04:21,018 --> 00:04:23,019
in front of
the Luis Guzman statue
124
00:04:23,053 --> 00:04:24,670
because the dean
has no legal right
125
00:04:24,721 --> 00:04:26,722
to broadcast Guzman's image,
126
00:04:26,757 --> 00:04:29,125
which means every shot
will be unusable.
127
00:04:29,159 --> 00:04:31,427
I even put a call in to
Guzman's lawyers to alert them.
128
00:04:31,461 --> 00:04:33,429
I'm always willing
to go the extra mile
129
00:04:33,463 --> 00:04:34,797
to avoid doing something.
130
00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:36,232
Like sex with women.
131
00:04:36,266 --> 00:04:37,817
Shut up, Leonard,
you smell like mentholyptus.
132
00:04:37,851 --> 00:04:39,568
What are you even doing here?
133
00:04:39,603 --> 00:04:42,154
I'm thinking about
breaking into the tv game.
134
00:04:42,189 --> 00:04:44,824
Since it's apparently
sticking around.
135
00:04:44,858 --> 00:04:46,525
I don't want to wake up
in 30 years
136
00:04:46,576 --> 00:04:49,345
and wonder "what if?"
137
00:04:49,379 --> 00:04:52,114
"Because this full-time mama
ain't breaking the bank
138
00:04:52,149 --> 00:04:53,949
with your expensive tuition."
139
00:04:53,984 --> 00:04:55,051
Okay, cut.
140
00:04:55,085 --> 00:04:56,752
Shirley, the voice.
141
00:04:56,787 --> 00:05:00,039
Can you make it, um--
I thought it would be more s--
142
00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:04,360
What's another word that means
happy/threatening?
143
00:05:04,394 --> 00:05:06,429
The worde's looking for
is "sassy."
144
00:05:06,463 --> 00:05:08,431
He better pray
he don't find it.
145
00:05:09,499 --> 00:05:10,933
As soon as we get this shot,
146
00:05:10,967 --> 00:05:12,101
we are done.
[Phone vibrating]
147
00:05:12,135 --> 00:05:14,103
- Your phone is ringing.
- Oh.
148
00:05:14,137 --> 00:05:16,439
- Dean deaning.
- Dean Pelton?
149
00:05:16,473 --> 00:05:18,574
Hey, man, how you doing?
It's Luis Guzman.
150
00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:20,526
I hear you're making
a commercial for Greendale,
151
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,695
and you need permission
to use my face or something?
152
00:05:22,729 --> 00:05:26,398
Well, I, um...
Uh...
153
00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:28,067
Well, why not
use the real thing?
154
00:05:28,118 --> 00:05:29,485
I'm sorry?
155
00:05:29,519 --> 00:05:31,454
I'm saying, I'd love
to be in your commercial.
156
00:05:31,488 --> 00:05:33,956
[Gasps]
Wowee!
157
00:05:33,990 --> 00:05:37,860
A real big-time celebrity
wants to be in my commercial.
158
00:05:37,878 --> 00:05:39,862
[Deeper voice]
Wowee.
159
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,231
A real big time celebrity
wants to be in my commercial.
160
00:05:42,265 --> 00:05:43,466
- Come on down.
- Yeah, that's cool.
161
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,134
But listen, I've got
to finish this movie,
162
00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:48,237
so, you know, I can't come for
a couple of weeks, all right?
163
00:05:48,271 --> 00:05:49,889
Mr. Guzman, Luis,
thank you.
164
00:05:49,923 --> 00:05:51,340
And can I just say,
165
00:05:51,374 --> 00:05:54,059
I loved you in--
[Snaps fingers urgently]
166
00:05:54,094 --> 00:05:59,098
Innnnnnnn...
167
00:05:59,149 --> 00:06:00,399
[Continues holding on "n"]
168
00:06:00,433 --> 00:06:02,434
IMDb.
169
00:06:02,486 --> 00:06:04,553
See you soon, man.
170
00:06:04,571 --> 00:06:07,055
[Beep] That was tragic.
171
00:06:07,073 --> 00:06:09,825
The students here mean well,
they really do.
172
00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:12,661
But what Greendale has
always needed is a miracle.
173
00:06:12,696 --> 00:06:14,780
This is it.
174
00:06:14,831 --> 00:06:16,866
This is how I get
to put Greendale on the map.
175
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,502
You know, I thought this
commercial was going to be okay.
176
00:06:19,536 --> 00:06:20,503
Well, guess what?
177
00:06:20,537 --> 00:06:22,454
It just officially
became great.
178
00:06:22,506 --> 00:06:24,123
Let me give you
a little rundown
179
00:06:24,174 --> 00:06:26,074
of this commercial's
great elements.
180
00:06:26,092 --> 00:06:30,112
Luis Guzman is in it.
181
00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:34,099
I'm sorry, will you excuse me?
182
00:06:34,134 --> 00:06:37,269
Everyone gather 'round,
quick announcement.
183
00:06:37,304 --> 00:06:38,988
Come on around.
184
00:06:39,022 --> 00:06:42,141
Everything that we shot so far
is worthless.
185
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:43,425
I've thrown it out,
186
00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:44,927
and we're starting over
tomorrow morning.
187
00:06:44,961 --> 00:06:46,662
- Why?
- Because...
188
00:06:46,696 --> 00:06:50,649
Luis Guzman
is in the commercial now, so...
189
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:52,434
[Vaguely enthusiastic murmurs]
Yeah. For realsies.
190
00:06:52,452 --> 00:06:56,872
Everyone, go home.
I'm rewriting all of your parts.
191
00:06:56,907 --> 00:06:58,874
Except for you, Jeffrey.
192
00:06:58,909 --> 00:07:01,276
You have locked
into something here.
193
00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:04,680
And the only thing
your character needs
194
00:07:04,714 --> 00:07:06,982
is more screen time.
195
00:07:07,017 --> 00:07:09,001
It's great that
he got a celebrity,
196
00:07:09,052 --> 00:07:11,086
- but why reshoot everything?
- Perfectionism.
197
00:07:11,121 --> 00:07:12,621
The dean's first step
down a road
198
00:07:12,656 --> 00:07:14,256
that ends
in self-destruction.
199
00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,510
That sounds...
Horrible.
200
00:07:16,630 --> 00:07:19,261
Actually, I might end up
taking this to some festivals.
201
00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:30,401
The dean's production has
taken over the entire school.
202
00:07:30,435 --> 00:07:31,499
Classes are shut down.
203
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,308
The quilting club is being
forced to sew costumes.
204
00:07:33,428 --> 00:07:35,389
[Dean over P.A.]
Two females, both 5'10",
205
00:07:35,423 --> 00:07:37,336
one brunette, one with asthma.
206
00:07:37,945 --> 00:07:40,113
He's also using the P.A.
system for casting calls.
207
00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:41,554
Okay, everyone--
208
00:07:41,588 --> 00:07:43,356
Does everyone have
their new script?
209
00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:46,492
Uh, it says I'm supposed to be
a book reading a book.
210
00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:47,660
That--that doesn't
make sense.
211
00:07:47,694 --> 00:07:48,844
[Clearing throat]
212
00:07:52,399 --> 00:07:54,150
What's this?
213
00:07:54,184 --> 00:07:56,135
[Gravelly voice]
Scene four.
214
00:07:56,153 --> 00:07:58,020
Last night, I had an epiphany.
215
00:07:58,071 --> 00:08:00,690
I'm ready to step
this mother up a notch.
216
00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:02,358
This commercial is going
to push every button,
217
00:08:02,409 --> 00:08:04,110
starting with the one
that is so hot,
218
00:08:04,144 --> 00:08:05,745
it will sizzle
your finger--
219
00:08:05,779 --> 00:08:07,830
racccccce.
220
00:08:07,864 --> 00:08:09,548
And action.
221
00:08:09,583 --> 00:08:11,984
"To meet
different people."
222
00:08:12,002 --> 00:08:14,370
Cut!
I'm coming in.
223
00:08:18,692 --> 00:08:22,545
I am trying to pull
a 400-year-old dagger
224
00:08:22,596 --> 00:08:27,833
out of this nation's heart,
and you two are hugging.
225
00:08:27,851 --> 00:08:29,885
Her, I understand, but you?
226
00:08:29,936 --> 00:08:31,053
What did I do?
227
00:08:31,104 --> 00:08:33,172
You didn't.
Let's take it again!
228
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:36,342
"To meet
different people."
229
00:08:36,376 --> 00:08:38,010
Again.
230
00:08:38,028 --> 00:08:40,196
"To meet
different people."
231
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:41,864
I need more!
232
00:08:41,898 --> 00:08:43,115
More!
233
00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:44,700
Wrong!
Fight the power!
234
00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:46,235
Fight it with your hugs.
235
00:08:46,286 --> 00:08:48,621
Tear down those walls.
236
00:08:48,655 --> 00:08:49,955
[Clapboard clacking]
237
00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:51,557
Okay, you get this wrong
one more time,
238
00:08:51,591 --> 00:08:54,026
I'm segregating the school.
239
00:08:54,044 --> 00:08:55,861
"To meet different people."
240
00:08:55,879 --> 00:08:58,197
You can't even do it
when we're helping you!
241
00:08:58,215 --> 00:08:59,865
[Both sobbing]
242
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:00,900
Somebody help her!
243
00:09:00,934 --> 00:09:02,367
To meet different people!
244
00:09:02,385 --> 00:09:04,086
Stop saying I'm different!
245
00:09:04,137 --> 00:09:06,972
Dean, we've spent
12 hours on this scene.
246
00:09:07,007 --> 00:09:09,475
Maybe it's time
to move on to something else.
247
00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:12,261
I'm in Psych 101, and even I
don't know what's happening.
248
00:09:12,312 --> 00:09:15,047
The dean is going insane
and taking all of you with him.
249
00:09:15,082 --> 00:09:18,050
If you know that,
then do something!
250
00:09:18,085 --> 00:09:20,786
I'm doing everything I can.
I only have so many cameras.
251
00:09:23,774 --> 00:09:25,224
- Oh!
- Aah!
252
00:09:25,242 --> 00:09:28,393
I've spent an entire day
in this thing for no reason.
253
00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,746
What if the shoot drags on
for another day?
254
00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:32,531
Or, God forbid, two.
255
00:09:35,235 --> 00:09:36,769
And action, and move.
256
00:09:36,803 --> 00:09:38,471
"This full-time mama
ain't breaking the bank--"
257
00:09:38,505 --> 00:09:40,039
Cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut--Garrett,
258
00:09:40,073 --> 00:09:42,758
you're not taking advantage of
the motion capture technology.
259
00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:44,477
You have to move.
260
00:09:44,511 --> 00:09:45,778
I forgot what I am again.
261
00:09:45,812 --> 00:09:48,647
Oh, for crying out--
you are a microscope!
262
00:09:48,682 --> 00:09:50,616
No, that's a toilet.
263
00:09:50,650 --> 00:09:52,918
No, that's clearly a frog
who can't get out of a box.
264
00:09:52,936 --> 00:09:55,104
Jeff thinks he has it bad?
265
00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:57,523
As Jeff's understudy,
I have to wear my Jeff wig
266
00:09:57,557 --> 00:10:00,626
on top of my Chang hair and
then my bald cap on top of that.
267
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:02,311
There's no air
getting through here.
268
00:10:02,362 --> 00:10:04,113
I'm literally dying.
269
00:10:04,147 --> 00:10:06,615
But you'll never hear my story.
270
00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:09,034
I mean, now you heard it,
but... That was close.
271
00:10:09,069 --> 00:10:11,403
Are you sure you can't
work a little faster?
272
00:10:11,437 --> 00:10:12,771
Nobody asked for perfection.
273
00:10:12,789 --> 00:10:14,773
Well, perfection
is what you're getting.
274
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:16,441
And if you don't like it,
you can fire me.
275
00:10:16,459 --> 00:10:18,110
Yeah, if we don't like it,
276
00:10:18,128 --> 00:10:20,746
at this point,
we definitely will fire you.
277
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:24,283
Good.
That's how I like it. Ha!
278
00:10:24,301 --> 00:10:26,085
I'm surrounded by assassins.
279
00:10:26,119 --> 00:10:28,454
By own school's paper
has turned on me.
280
00:10:28,488 --> 00:10:29,955
But when this is all over,
281
00:10:29,990 --> 00:10:32,291
I'll have a commercial
with Luis Guzman in it,
282
00:10:32,309 --> 00:10:35,728
and all they'll have are
their words and their fears
283
00:10:35,762 --> 00:10:37,146
and whatever
embarrassing photos
284
00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:39,465
they can get from
my two-faced mother.
285
00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:42,468
Garrett, I've got
two men in diapers here.
286
00:10:42,502 --> 00:10:43,519
I know one of them is playing
287
00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:45,070
the dawn of a new era
in education,
288
00:10:45,105 --> 00:10:46,322
but I've got nothing
on the other one.
289
00:10:46,356 --> 00:10:48,340
Oh, um,
just a guest of the dean's.
290
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,976
Well, both of you
go that way, then.
291
00:10:51,011 --> 00:10:52,995
The dean had
his seventh epiphany today,
292
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:54,780
which has given me
an epiphany of my own.
293
00:10:54,814 --> 00:10:56,649
The dean is a genius.
294
00:10:56,683 --> 00:10:58,200
He has to be.
295
00:10:58,251 --> 00:11:00,219
If he isn't, I've given
almost two weeks of my life
296
00:11:00,253 --> 00:11:02,171
to an idiot.
That is unacceptable.
297
00:11:02,205 --> 00:11:05,024
Therefore the dean is a genius.
298
00:11:05,058 --> 00:11:07,493
And I will die
protecting his vision.
299
00:11:07,527 --> 00:11:10,429
Are you by any chance familiar
with Stockholm Syndrome?
300
00:11:10,463 --> 00:11:12,214
Is it something
that the dean created?
301
00:11:12,265 --> 00:11:13,682
Because if not, I don't care.
302
00:11:13,717 --> 00:11:16,302
We all wanna go,
but the dean won't let us.
303
00:11:16,336 --> 00:11:18,337
I think Pierce played this
the smartest from the beginning.
304
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:20,105
He's probably at home
watching Forensic Files
305
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:21,540
and eating cheesy popcorn.
306
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:28,731
Well, about time.
307
00:11:28,782 --> 00:11:31,066
Hey, that's for Luis Guzman.
308
00:11:31,117 --> 00:11:35,404
Well, when you get me
my trailer, he can have it back.
309
00:11:35,455 --> 00:11:37,406
And make it
as nice as this one.
310
00:11:37,457 --> 00:11:39,825
Hey, Dean.
Dean? Hey, Dean!
311
00:11:39,859 --> 00:11:41,994
Pierce mistook me
for the dean today.
312
00:11:42,028 --> 00:11:45,564
- I want windows.
- How did that make you feel?
313
00:11:45,599 --> 00:11:47,566
[Whispering] I've become
a stranger to myself.
314
00:11:47,601 --> 00:11:51,220
I'm bald now.
I've always been bald.
315
00:11:51,254 --> 00:11:53,505
I merely dreamt of having hair.
316
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:55,841
And now the bald man is awake.
317
00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:57,009
Jeff?
318
00:11:57,043 --> 00:11:58,928
It's time.
319
00:12:02,282 --> 00:12:06,018
Lights, camera, Dean.
320
00:12:06,052 --> 00:12:08,254
Action.
321
00:12:08,288 --> 00:12:11,690
Why go Greendale?
Just because!
322
00:12:11,724 --> 00:12:13,559
Cut.
Cut.
323
00:12:15,728 --> 00:12:17,196
Lose the bald cap.
324
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:19,565
- What?
- I don't like it.
325
00:12:19,599 --> 00:12:21,066
It's hokey, it's fake.
326
00:12:21,084 --> 00:12:23,735
Take it off.
327
00:12:25,872 --> 00:12:27,606
No.
328
00:12:29,309 --> 00:12:32,577
I beg your pardon, actor?
329
00:12:32,595 --> 00:12:36,882
I have worn this stupid thing
for 12 days.
330
00:12:36,916 --> 00:12:38,300
I have made bald friends.
331
00:12:38,351 --> 00:12:40,185
Well, that's your mistake.
332
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,388
Because it's a lie.
It's Hollywood crap.
333
00:12:42,422 --> 00:12:44,773
And I won't allow it
in my commercial.
334
00:12:44,808 --> 00:12:47,559
You're not bald.
335
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:49,761
Yes, I am.
336
00:12:49,779 --> 00:12:52,998
Well, then, you're wrong
for the part!
337
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,951
Understudy!
338
00:12:58,538 --> 00:13:00,105
[Gasps]
339
00:13:00,123 --> 00:13:02,408
That's it.
340
00:13:02,442 --> 00:13:05,644
That's reality.
341
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,079
Winger, you're done.
Go home.
342
00:13:07,113 --> 00:13:08,881
- [Sniffling]
- Go home.
343
00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:13,185
Okay, I don't know why,
but this is the last straw.
344
00:13:13,219 --> 00:13:14,837
As a licensed psychology major,
345
00:13:14,888 --> 00:13:18,590
I am declaring this production
a violation of human rights.
346
00:13:18,624 --> 00:13:21,860
You have made us prisoners
of your insanity.
347
00:13:21,895 --> 00:13:23,162
Shut your face, Britta.
348
00:13:23,196 --> 00:13:25,014
If the dean wants his role
349
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:27,983
to be played by a Chinese man
in a blond wig--
350
00:13:28,018 --> 00:13:30,135
Oh, my God, you are insane.
351
00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:31,803
All right, I'm sick and tired
352
00:13:31,821 --> 00:13:32,988
of hearing complaints
353
00:13:33,023 --> 00:13:35,107
that I'm forcing people
to be here.
354
00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:39,712
Anyone who doesn't want
to help me can leave!
355
00:13:51,891 --> 00:13:54,676
- Abed, stop!
- Okay.
356
00:13:54,711 --> 00:13:56,541
Keep rolling.
357
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:11,066
Hello?
Hello.
358
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,451
Hello?
359
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:24,379
Hello, it's me.
Luis Guzman.
360
00:14:24,413 --> 00:14:26,247
- Hello!
- Hi.
361
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:30,602
Hi, Mr. Guzman,
Dean/Director Craig Pelton.
362
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,054
Sorry, I've been editing.
363
00:14:33,088 --> 00:14:34,305
It's a ltle bit of a mess.
364
00:14:34,357 --> 00:14:36,424
[Bottles clanking]
365
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,092
What the [Bleep] is that?
366
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:39,761
Oh, that's a possum.
367
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,095
Once you spend
some time with them,
368
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:45,867
you see they're just like
big, gentle rats.
369
00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:48,203
- Who's the guy?
- I'm no one.
370
00:14:48,237 --> 00:14:50,321
That's Abed.
He's a little bit odd.
371
00:14:50,373 --> 00:14:52,774
Now, without further ado,
372
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:56,494
here is the commercial
you will be staring in.
373
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:59,447
[Indistinct Celtic music]
374
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:00,665
Why do I go Greendale?
375
00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,885
[Disco music,
voices chattering]
376
00:15:03,919 --> 00:15:06,304
[Heavy metal music,
singer screaming]
377
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,757
- Aah!
- What's in the box?
378
00:15:08,791 --> 00:15:10,825
[Classical music]
Ohh...Oh...
379
00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:13,828
[Overlapping sound effects]
[Dance music]
380
00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:15,764
I've got to make a phone call.
381
00:15:15,798 --> 00:15:18,850
I had to tell this dean
I couldn't do his commercial.
382
00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,902
He didn't take that
too well either.
383
00:15:20,936 --> 00:15:22,470
Y'all gotta help this dude.
384
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,822
I mean, aren't you his friends?
385
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,940
I'm more of a fly on the wall.
386
00:15:25,974 --> 00:15:27,826
What is go--
387
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,360
what?
388
00:15:29,412 --> 00:15:31,579
You won't be in my commercial,
389
00:15:31,614 --> 00:15:33,832
but you'll be in
his stupid documentary?
390
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,650
All he does
is follow people around.
391
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,619
Yeah, but haven't you seen
Hearts of Darkness?
392
00:15:37,653 --> 00:15:39,037
- Way better than--
- I want you
393
00:15:39,088 --> 00:15:41,423
the hell off of my campus,
you ungrateful backstabber.
394
00:15:41,457 --> 00:15:42,874
I already got rid
of your trailer.
395
00:15:42,925 --> 00:15:44,125
I had a trailer?
396
00:15:44,159 --> 00:15:46,044
Can anyone hear me?
397
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:48,379
I will walk off
this production.
398
00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:51,015
I will quit!
Hello?
399
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,017
I come here to shoot
this commercial for Greendale.
400
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,836
That's what you had
written on the script.
401
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,337
Ugh, that script was terrible.
402
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,388
I thought it was pretty good.
403
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,673
Of course you'd think that.
404
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,275
You went here.
405
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:06,231
Oh, I get it.
406
00:16:06,282 --> 00:16:09,016
You're worse than crazy.
407
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,685
You're ashamed of your school.
408
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:13,187
And that--that statue
of me out there,
409
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:14,188
that's just wrong, man.
410
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,623
Well, the bronze
adds ten pounds.
411
00:16:15,658 --> 00:16:17,358
- Nah, man--
- It's not going to be perfect.
412
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,026
Screw you.
413
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,963
I'm just saying, don't worship
the people leaving Greendale.
414
00:16:21,997 --> 00:16:23,998
Worship the people
that are here.
415
00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:27,585
Worship this place.
It changes people's life.
416
00:16:27,636 --> 00:16:30,672
Look, I loved my time here.
I got laid like crazy.
417
00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:32,807
That's way before
Boogie Nights too.
418
00:16:32,842 --> 00:16:36,911
Look, this is a special school.
419
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:42,383
You don't deserve to be here.
420
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,051
[Scoffs]
421
00:16:49,057 --> 00:16:50,525
Are you still filming, Abed?
422
00:16:50,559 --> 00:16:52,076
Yeah, but try not
to address me.
423
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:55,113
I'm not really here.
424
00:16:55,164 --> 00:16:57,582
Neither am I.
425
00:16:57,616 --> 00:17:01,736
I don't think I can finish
my commercial.
426
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,405
But I think I know
how your documentary ends.
427
00:17:08,511 --> 00:17:10,044
Hi, I'm Craig Pelton,
428
00:17:10,078 --> 00:17:12,297
Dean of Greendale
Community College.
429
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:16,551
I have failed this school.
430
00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:18,303
I have failed it
because I thought
431
00:17:18,354 --> 00:17:20,722
I was better than Greendale.
432
00:17:20,756 --> 00:17:23,107
See, I went to a university,
433
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:26,311
so I thought it was my job
to improve this place.
434
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:28,646
But it turns out that the only
thing wrong with Greendale
435
00:17:28,697 --> 00:17:30,899
is that it's run by
an insecure wreck
436
00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:33,968
who holds five dances
and two talent shows a year
437
00:17:34,003 --> 00:17:36,204
because he's afraid that
the school isn't good enough.
438
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:39,607
But Greendale is good enough
439
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,776
because it accepts me
for what I'm not.
440
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,979
Greendale is the best school
in the entire world,
441
00:17:45,014 --> 00:17:49,517
and I'm so sorry
what I've done to it.
442
00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:51,786
And I'm sorry what I've done
to the ice cream machine.
443
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,472
Aah!
444
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:59,327
Please, no one eat out of it
until you clean the nozzles.
445
00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:01,829
The janitor knows how.
446
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,632
I'm horrible.
447
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:07,135
[Whispers] I'm horrible.
448
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,272
Gentlemen, what I'm about
to show you
449
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:13,775
is not the commercial
you paid me to create.
450
00:18:13,809 --> 00:18:15,026
What I am about to show you
451
00:18:15,077 --> 00:18:16,778
is a glimpse into
my mind and soul.
452
00:18:16,812 --> 00:18:18,780
Please hold your questions
until the end.
453
00:18:18,814 --> 00:18:20,481
I know you will have
a lot of them,
454
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,818
but I'll understand
if you'd rather I just leave.
455
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,155
[Upbeat cheesy pop music]
456
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:29,791
Why do I go Greendale?
457
00:18:29,825 --> 00:18:31,709
The dean is a genius.
458
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,294
To meet different people.
459
00:18:33,328 --> 00:18:34,712
With three kids at home,
460
00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:36,831
you better believe
every penny counts.
461
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,634
I loved my time here.
I got laid like crazy.
462
00:18:39,668 --> 00:18:40,885
So why should you--
463
00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:42,053
Why should you--
464
00:18:42,104 --> 00:18:44,505
Why should you
go to Greendale?
465
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:48,059
Greendale is the best school
in the entire world.
466
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,746
All: Go Greendale,
go Greendale, go!
467
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:54,899
It's good.
468
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:55,984
Y-you know what,
better than good.
469
00:18:56,018 --> 00:18:57,201
Good enough.
470
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,821
Is there any more
of the crazy Chinese guy?
471
00:18:59,855 --> 00:19:01,322
He pops.
472
00:19:01,356 --> 00:19:03,207
I'm confused.
That's not my commercial.
473
00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:04,742
I-I didn't make that.
474
00:19:04,793 --> 00:19:07,028
Yeah, yeah, okay, Zemeckis,
it moved through you.
475
00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:09,197
Anyway, congratulations.
476
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,549
That should last us
another 16 years.
477
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,501
So, uh, what's next?
478
00:19:13,535 --> 00:19:16,471
- Chump's rusty bucket?
- Quarter taps.
479
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,344
- Did you do this?
- You did mostly.
480
00:19:23,378 --> 00:19:25,179
You got the footage
you needed on the first day.
481
00:19:25,213 --> 00:19:29,851
I added a little bit of
my footage to fill in the gaps.
482
00:19:29,885 --> 00:19:32,420
I thought you were
a fly on the wall.
483
00:19:32,454 --> 00:19:34,422
Some flies are too awesome
for the wall.
484
00:19:34,456 --> 00:19:36,424
Documentarians are supposed
to be objective,
485
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:38,426
to avoid having
any effect on the story.
486
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:40,361
And yet we have more effect
than anyone.
487
00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:41,729
Because we decide to tell it.
488
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:43,114
And we decide how it ends.
489
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,666
Will your story be
yet another sad one
490
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,701
of yet another man
who just wanted to be happy?
491
00:19:46,735 --> 00:19:49,671
Or will your story acknowledge
the very nature of stories
492
00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:51,706
and embrace the fact
that sharing the sad ones
493
00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:53,074
can sometimes make them happy?
494
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,592
Ugh.
495
00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,879
Before you say anything...
496
00:19:57,913 --> 00:19:59,263
Nope, I've got nothing.
497
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:01,182
Can you just forgive me?
498
00:20:05,921 --> 00:20:07,438
Yep.
499
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,757
[Relieved sigh] Why?
500
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,643
Because we've all been there.
501
00:20:12,695 --> 00:20:14,779
Which is why we're all here.
502
00:20:19,368 --> 00:20:23,104
Aww!
503
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,489
I'm a good Dean?
504
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:26,958
Yeah.
505
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:31,079
Can someone help me get
a live possum out of my office?
506
00:20:31,113 --> 00:20:32,246
We could do that.
507
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,299
It just keeps jumping
and skittering.
508
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:38,119
And you think you're prepared,
and then it skitters again.
509
00:20:39,955 --> 00:20:41,122
Okay, scene's over.
510
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,757
Hmm?
511
00:20:42,791 --> 00:20:44,726
[Laughter]
512
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:50,078
sync by honeybunny, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com
513
00:20:53,269 --> 00:20:55,777
They'll be ready for you
in 20 minutes, Mr. Garland.
514
00:20:57,025 --> 00:20:57,995
Great.
515
00:20:58,115 --> 00:20:59,938
I'm a star!
516
00:20:59,972 --> 00:21:01,373
Give me that.
517
00:21:01,407 --> 00:21:04,242
I will not be mitigated.
518
00:21:09,254 --> 00:21:10,348
Okay, you know what?
519
00:21:10,383 --> 00:21:12,100
I'm not coming out of
this trailer
520
00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:14,419
until I get a new trailer.
521
00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:19,149
[Shouting] And get me
a granola bar!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net