1 00:00:04,543 --> 00:00:05,810 We are so screwed. 2 00:00:05,811 --> 00:00:06,978 How are we gonna memorize all this? 3 00:00:06,979 --> 00:00:08,212 Let's just go over it again. 4 00:00:08,213 --> 00:00:10,280 Kingdom, phylum, class... 5 00:00:10,281 --> 00:00:13,751 Order, family, genus, species. 6 00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,853 I use a mnemonic device. 7 00:00:15,854 --> 00:00:19,690 "Kevin, please come over for gay sex." 8 00:00:19,691 --> 00:00:22,192 Why wouldn't you use "Karen"? 9 00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:23,761 'Cause it's gay sex, dummy. 10 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,328 So use "great". 11 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,296 Now I can't remember anything. Thanks! 12 00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:29,265 God, why do we always wind up in this position? 13 00:00:29,266 --> 00:00:30,900 For all the time you spend here, you'd think we wouldn't 14 00:00:30,901 --> 00:00:32,201 have to cram so much. 15 00:00:32,202 --> 00:00:33,602 Maybe we never get any work done because we have 16 00:00:33,603 --> 00:00:35,085 so much fun hanging out together. 17 00:00:35,086 --> 00:00:38,022 Definitely, maybe that's why. 18 00:00:38,877 --> 00:00:44,212 Ah, the duali-Dean of man. [Giggles] 19 00:00:44,213 --> 00:00:46,848 I'm dressed this way because I have good news and bad news. 20 00:00:46,849 --> 00:00:48,850 You have got to be kidding me. 21 00:00:48,851 --> 00:00:51,820 The bad news is Professor Kane has the flu. 22 00:00:51,821 --> 00:00:54,322 The good news is biology class is canceled... 23 00:00:54,323 --> 00:00:56,191 [All cheer] 24 00:00:56,192 --> 00:00:57,258 After you. 25 00:00:57,259 --> 00:01:00,027 What a gentleman. 26 00:01:00,028 --> 00:01:02,697 Guys, we don't have to cram last minute anymore. 27 00:01:02,698 --> 00:01:04,732 Last minute got moved to tomorrow. 28 00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:06,734 Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch? 29 00:01:06,735 --> 00:01:07,968 Three hours? 30 00:01:07,969 --> 00:01:09,704 I could watch the first half of three movies. 31 00:01:09,705 --> 00:01:11,038 Ooh, I don't have to go to the fast food 32 00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:12,173 restaurant across the street. 33 00:01:12,174 --> 00:01:13,574 I can go to the fancy one across town. 34 00:01:13,575 --> 00:01:14,808 Their manager wears a tie. 35 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:16,242 If we don't eat, we can make-believe 36 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,711 an whole episode's worth of Inspector Spacetime 37 00:01:17,712 --> 00:01:19,112 - in the Dreamatorium. - Word. 38 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,947 Yeah. 39 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,016 Maybe we should go to Señor Kevin's. 40 00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:25,018 Britta, didn't you want to try that new cage-free bean burrito? 41 00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,420 The tortillas are made with micro-financed flour. 42 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,955 Troy, you could drive. 43 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,856 You always like that spiral parking ramp. 44 00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:32,925 You just keep turning left, but you end up up! 45 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,060 I can't go to Señor Kevin's. The manager and I are enemies. 46 00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:36,394 He said Die Hard was bad. 47 00:01:36,395 --> 00:01:37,763 - He said Die Hard was bad. - I know, buddy. 48 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,297 Well, how about this. 49 00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:42,567 This lunch is already a runaway train, no point in stopping it. 50 00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:44,837 Troy, Britta, you go to Señor Kevin's. 51 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,704 Abed promised he'd show me how the Dreamatorium works. 52 00:01:46,705 --> 00:01:48,606 - Today's the perfect day for it. - But I want to... 53 00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:50,208 Abed, don't you think today's 54 00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:51,743 - the perfect day for it? - No. 55 00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,212 - Abed. - Is this a social cue? 56 00:01:54,213 --> 00:01:58,420 I left my Puttin' On the Ritz cane in here earlier. 57 00:01:59,384 --> 00:02:01,018 I know it probably has another name, 58 00:02:01,019 --> 00:02:04,287 but, um, can I be perfectly honest with you guys? 59 00:02:04,288 --> 00:02:06,189 I think I went too far with this one. 60 00:02:06,190 --> 00:02:10,460 I have to go to the bank today. 61 00:02:10,461 --> 00:02:12,162 What am I supposed to tell people in line? 62 00:02:12,163 --> 00:02:14,998 "I had good news and bad news"? 63 00:02:14,999 --> 00:02:16,967 Come on, Craig. 64 00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:19,235 Get you life together. 65 00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:27,409 ♪ Give me some more, time in a dream ♪ 66 00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:30,846 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 67 00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:34,015 ♪ somebody said we could be here ♪ 68 00:02:34,016 --> 00:02:38,219 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 69 00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:43,124 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 70 00:02:43,125 --> 00:02:47,061 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 71 00:02:47,062 --> 00:02:49,866 Sync & Corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 72 00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:54,067 I am Inspector Spacetime. 73 00:02:54,068 --> 00:02:56,136 And I know that which is unknown. 74 00:02:56,137 --> 00:03:00,040 Duty-bound to protect a universe of innocent unremarkables, 75 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,575 I patrol it in the x7 Dimensionizer 76 00:03:02,576 --> 00:03:05,045 with my loyal constable, Reggie. 77 00:03:05,046 --> 00:03:08,147 This week, however, Reggie has been forced to go to lunch. 78 00:03:08,148 --> 00:03:11,450 So I'm aboard the much crappier H.M.S. Spacetime 12, 79 00:03:11,451 --> 00:03:15,855 from the worst season ever, with temporary constable, Geneva. 80 00:03:15,856 --> 00:03:18,958 Geneva, I need the quantum spanner, the big one. 81 00:03:18,959 --> 00:03:22,894 Oi, gov'ner, quantum spammer, up an' at 'em, in'it? 82 00:03:25,431 --> 00:03:26,731 If we can't get out of orbital lock, 83 00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:28,366 the Blorgons may intercept. 84 00:03:28,367 --> 00:03:29,835 Tut tut, m'lord. 85 00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:33,738 Wouldn't give a tuppence for that sticky wicket. 86 00:03:33,739 --> 00:03:35,573 Okay, stop simulation. 87 00:03:35,574 --> 00:03:36,741 More British? 88 00:03:36,742 --> 00:03:38,508 I can't do this anymore. 89 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,677 But the Blo-gons might intercept... 90 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:42,112 It's Blorgons with an "r". 91 00:03:42,113 --> 00:03:43,513 Blo-gon means "thank you" in blorgon. 92 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,382 Can't we play something I know about 93 00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:48,026 like hospital administration? 94 00:03:49,821 --> 00:03:53,457 You're mad at me for playing matchmaker with Troy and Britta. 95 00:03:53,458 --> 00:03:55,058 You think you're gonna lose Troy. 96 00:03:55,059 --> 00:03:56,092 I'm not petty, Annie. 97 00:03:56,093 --> 00:03:57,093 I'm mad at you because you tampered 98 00:03:57,094 --> 00:03:58,394 with the fabric of the group. 99 00:03:58,395 --> 00:03:59,562 How do you know Troy and Britta pairing up 100 00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:00,663 wouldn't destroy everything? 101 00:04:00,664 --> 00:04:01,965 I run the scenarios. 102 00:04:01,966 --> 00:04:03,199 I examine this stuff from every conceivable angle. 103 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,434 Oh, and you can do that but I can't? 104 00:04:05,435 --> 00:04:07,871 You don't have a patent on being a control freak, Abed. 105 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:08,905 I kind of do. 106 00:04:08,906 --> 00:04:11,006 You think this is just a room where Troy and I play dinosaurs 107 00:04:11,007 --> 00:04:12,374 versus river boat gamblers together? 108 00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:13,976 Sure, it's how I got the construction approved, 109 00:04:13,977 --> 00:04:15,310 but, much like myself, 110 00:04:15,311 --> 00:04:17,412 the Dreamatorium has higher functions. 111 00:04:17,413 --> 00:04:19,409 Would you like me to show you how your stunt 112 00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:20,349 with Troy and Britta will play itself out? 113 00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,984 Why not? 114 00:04:21,985 --> 00:04:23,852 Execute simulation Troy/Britta. 115 00:04:23,853 --> 00:04:27,621 Render environment Señor Kevin's. 116 00:04:27,622 --> 00:04:29,123 [As Troy] Oh, those appetizers 117 00:04:29,124 --> 00:04:31,993 were dope and legit! 118 00:04:31,994 --> 00:04:33,327 [As Britta] I don't usually support lunch 119 00:04:33,328 --> 00:04:36,097 because it's unfair to breakfast. 120 00:04:36,098 --> 00:04:37,098 [As Troy] I never thought about 121 00:04:37,099 --> 00:04:40,167 meals fighting each other. 122 00:04:40,168 --> 00:04:41,602 I guess that explains why you never 123 00:04:41,603 --> 00:04:43,870 see any two of them on the same table. 124 00:04:43,871 --> 00:04:45,906 So I guess Annie's pretty hot to get us together. 125 00:04:45,907 --> 00:04:48,875 She probably just doesn't understand people. 126 00:04:48,876 --> 00:04:50,310 Well, the sooner the food comes, 127 00:04:50,311 --> 00:04:52,478 the sooner this will be over. 128 00:04:52,479 --> 00:04:56,149 I'm afraid your food won't be ready for another half hour. 129 00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:59,818 I'm too busy misunderstanding the whole point of Die Hard. 130 00:04:59,819 --> 00:05:02,854 I can't wait to get home to Abed. 131 00:05:02,855 --> 00:05:05,057 So you can dart back and forth 132 00:05:05,058 --> 00:05:06,558 doing impressions of your friends. 133 00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:08,427 There's no science at work here. 134 00:05:08,428 --> 00:05:11,763 You're right. 135 00:05:11,764 --> 00:05:14,698 The science is at work in here. 136 00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:19,703 This is the Dreamatorium's engine. 137 00:05:19,704 --> 00:05:21,105 My thoughts are collected by this box 138 00:05:21,106 --> 00:05:23,408 and everything I know about my friends is stored here. 139 00:05:23,409 --> 00:05:24,775 Both are distilled by logic and then 140 00:05:24,776 --> 00:05:26,577 recombined into objective observation. 141 00:05:26,578 --> 00:05:28,246 I'm able to simulate any of the study group 142 00:05:28,247 --> 00:05:31,448 and even a half-accurate Chang in over 7,000 unique situations. 143 00:05:31,449 --> 00:05:35,018 Abed, it's cardboard tubes and a funnel. 144 00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:36,286 Well you see it that way because it's calibrated 145 00:05:36,287 --> 00:05:37,854 to a specific level of brain function. 146 00:05:37,855 --> 00:05:40,057 Right. I'm stupid. 147 00:05:40,058 --> 00:05:42,359 Not stupid, just less able to see what I see. 148 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,429 Gee, you've got it all figured out. 149 00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:47,763 [Phone rings] 150 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,532 King of toilet paper rolls over here. 151 00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:54,303 Hey, Troy, I'm glad you called. 152 00:05:54,304 --> 00:05:55,438 Your lunch is going well, right? 153 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,173 Yeah, just checking on Abed. 154 00:05:57,174 --> 00:05:59,075 Making sure he's okay. 155 00:05:59,076 --> 00:06:01,510 What? He's fine. 156 00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:03,411 He just implied I operate on a lower level 157 00:06:03,412 --> 00:06:06,147 of brain function, so business as usual. 158 00:06:06,148 --> 00:06:09,650 Great, um, just, you know, make sure he stays comfortable. 159 00:06:09,651 --> 00:06:11,252 I worry about him when I'm not around. 160 00:06:11,253 --> 00:06:15,390 Well, he's fine, he always will be. 161 00:06:15,391 --> 00:06:17,359 People bend over backwards to cater to him. 162 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,060 He's just extra sensitive in the Dreamatorium. 163 00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:22,129 It takes a lot out of him to run that thing. 164 00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,630 I don't want you to break his brain. 165 00:06:23,631 --> 00:06:24,931 Bye, Troy. 166 00:06:24,932 --> 00:06:28,002 - How is he? - He'll be okay. 167 00:06:28,003 --> 00:06:29,636 It's so sweet how much you care about him. 168 00:06:29,637 --> 00:06:32,806 And another thing I hate about Die Hard, 169 00:06:32,807 --> 00:06:35,741 two FBI agents named Johnson. 170 00:06:37,511 --> 00:06:40,146 I've been thinking about our Inspector Spacetime scenario. 171 00:06:40,147 --> 00:06:42,248 It might work better if instead of playing Geneva, 172 00:06:42,249 --> 00:06:43,483 you played Rosamund. 173 00:06:43,484 --> 00:06:44,817 She was a constable in season five 174 00:06:44,818 --> 00:06:46,986 and she only had three lines. 175 00:06:46,987 --> 00:06:48,587 I have a better idea. 176 00:06:48,588 --> 00:06:50,955 You know what would make your scenarios a lot more realistic? 177 00:06:50,956 --> 00:06:52,124 If Troy weren't on a date. 178 00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:53,425 Why don't you take all your thoughts 179 00:06:53,426 --> 00:06:56,761 and your logic and add one step to the process. 180 00:06:56,762 --> 00:06:58,296 - What are you doing? - From now on, 181 00:06:58,297 --> 00:07:00,198 before you do or say anything, 182 00:07:00,199 --> 00:07:03,101 you're gonna think about how it affects the people around you. 183 00:07:03,102 --> 00:07:05,637 We lower functioning brains call this "empathy". 184 00:07:05,638 --> 00:07:09,173 [High-pitched whimpering] 185 00:07:09,174 --> 00:07:12,576 - Abed? - [Screams] 186 00:07:12,577 --> 00:07:16,180 Abed? 187 00:07:16,181 --> 00:07:18,049 Oh, my God, I broke Abed. 188 00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:23,258 Abed? 189 00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:24,259 You know how you wanted me to tell you 190 00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,894 when you were being scary weird instead of cute weird? 191 00:07:26,895 --> 00:07:29,831 This is scary weird. 192 00:07:31,934 --> 00:07:34,635 Hello, Annie. 193 00:07:34,636 --> 00:07:36,838 What was I doing on the floor? 194 00:07:36,839 --> 00:07:39,173 Were we... doing it? 195 00:07:39,174 --> 00:07:41,408 Are you being Jeff? 196 00:07:41,409 --> 00:07:44,677 Well, I'm not being a Kardashian. 197 00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:45,846 So where are we now? 198 00:07:45,847 --> 00:07:49,049 We're in the doctor's lounge of Greendale Hospital School. 199 00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:50,117 Hospital school? 200 00:07:50,118 --> 00:07:51,752 It's a sexy emotional school 201 00:07:51,753 --> 00:07:53,553 where doctors save lives and make love, 202 00:07:53,554 --> 00:07:54,788 often simultaneously. 203 00:07:54,789 --> 00:07:57,190 Our stories, ripped from the headlines. 204 00:07:57,191 --> 00:07:59,024 Our passions, unbridled. 205 00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:02,094 Our cafeteria, eh... 206 00:08:02,095 --> 00:08:03,462 Make love to me, Ann. 207 00:08:03,463 --> 00:08:04,730 I know I'm just a surgeon 208 00:08:04,731 --> 00:08:06,598 and you're a hotshot upstart administrator, 209 00:08:06,599 --> 00:08:08,167 but damn the rules, damn the system, 210 00:08:08,168 --> 00:08:10,870 damn our two foot height disparity, I want you. 211 00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:14,306 Okay, Abed, I get it, we have different sensibilities. 212 00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:16,241 Later. 213 00:08:19,111 --> 00:08:20,678 Bye. 214 00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:22,613 I'm leaving. [Stomps feet] 215 00:08:31,555 --> 00:08:34,357 Okay, Dr. Jeff, 216 00:08:34,358 --> 00:08:36,894 can you please tell me where I can find Abed? 217 00:08:36,895 --> 00:08:37,995 I owe him an apology. 218 00:08:37,996 --> 00:08:40,430 Abed? Never heard of him. 219 00:08:40,431 --> 00:08:44,567 Terrific. 220 00:08:44,568 --> 00:08:46,903 I asked you a question, doctor. 221 00:08:46,904 --> 00:08:47,870 I'm a surgeon! 222 00:08:47,871 --> 00:08:49,471 And I'm your administrator! 223 00:08:49,472 --> 00:08:51,373 I left my wife for you and she was pregnant! 224 00:08:51,374 --> 00:08:53,609 Who do you think inseminated her? 225 00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:56,112 Now tell me what I want to know or God as my witness, 226 00:08:56,113 --> 00:08:57,446 I'll have your stethoscope. 227 00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:58,981 Fine. 228 00:08:58,982 --> 00:09:01,517 Dr. Perry might know. 229 00:09:01,518 --> 00:09:04,452 Render environment bio lab. 230 00:09:06,155 --> 00:09:08,990 Look, there's Britta and Troy fooling around with each other. 231 00:09:08,991 --> 00:09:12,093 Look, there's Abed having overcome his issues. 232 00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,461 Nice try. 233 00:09:13,462 --> 00:09:16,764 Dr. Barnes, Dr. Perry. 234 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,834 We just saved an uninsured homeless man's life. 235 00:09:19,835 --> 00:09:22,203 Using an unapproved procedure. 236 00:09:22,204 --> 00:09:25,139 Now, we're going to kiss. 237 00:09:30,912 --> 00:09:32,479 This is what you think I want? 238 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,014 What do you want, administrator? 239 00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:36,582 I want to talk to Abed. 240 00:09:36,583 --> 00:09:38,017 There's no one here by that name. 241 00:09:38,018 --> 00:09:40,220 - You're lying. - Maybe I am, so what? 242 00:09:40,221 --> 00:09:42,255 I was raised on the mean streets of Harlem. 243 00:09:42,256 --> 00:09:43,456 I'm not scared of you. 244 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,392 Well, be scared of this. 245 00:09:48,863 --> 00:09:52,797 Sodium pentothal, known commonly as truth serum. 246 00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:58,303 I saw Abed's name in the hospital school files, 247 00:09:58,304 --> 00:10:00,538 I love butt stuff, I hate spiders, 248 00:10:00,539 --> 00:10:02,607 I stole a pen from the bank, 249 00:10:02,608 --> 00:10:05,310 I cried during About a Boy... The soundtrack... 250 00:10:05,311 --> 00:10:07,879 I don't wash my hands before surgery. 251 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,381 I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive to the point 252 00:10:10,382 --> 00:10:12,483 where I might just as well be attracted to him. 253 00:10:12,484 --> 00:10:15,286 I use comparisons to Hitler to win arguments on the Internet 254 00:10:15,287 --> 00:10:16,587 at the drop of a hat. 255 00:10:16,588 --> 00:10:18,356 I know nothing about wine. 256 00:10:18,357 --> 00:10:20,824 I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie. 257 00:10:20,825 --> 00:10:22,693 I just want to know they feel comfortable. 258 00:10:22,694 --> 00:10:26,429 I didn't get Inception. 259 00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:30,133 [Sobbing] I didn't get Inception. 260 00:10:30,134 --> 00:10:32,235 [Sobbing continues] 261 00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:33,803 You said you saw his name in the files. 262 00:10:33,804 --> 00:10:35,638 There's so many layers. 263 00:10:35,639 --> 00:10:39,574 Right, render environment medical study room. 264 00:10:39,575 --> 00:10:40,876 There's head nurse, Shirley, 265 00:10:40,877 --> 00:10:42,912 talking to tragic, heart-wrenching Alzheimer's 266 00:10:42,913 --> 00:10:45,347 patient and Emmy-contender, Pierce Hawthorne. 267 00:10:45,348 --> 00:10:49,351 Mr. Hawthorne, you're out of your bed again. 268 00:10:49,352 --> 00:10:50,819 'Cause I think I'm on a train. 269 00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:52,554 Oh! Oh! 270 00:10:52,555 --> 00:10:54,790 Shirley, get me the file on Abed. 271 00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:56,490 Abed doesn't exist, young lady. 272 00:10:56,491 --> 00:10:57,926 He exists if I say so. 273 00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,260 This is my hospital school. 274 00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:01,262 Your hospital school, young lady, is a simulation 275 00:11:01,263 --> 00:11:03,264 being run through a filter of other people's needs. 276 00:11:03,265 --> 00:11:07,101 Abed's been filtered out because nobody needs him. 277 00:11:07,102 --> 00:11:08,102 I need him. 278 00:11:08,103 --> 00:11:09,237 Well you're not simulated. 279 00:11:09,238 --> 00:11:10,538 No, but this is! 280 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:11,604 [Slap sound] 281 00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,006 Ooh! 282 00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:14,408 And there's more where that didn't come from. 283 00:11:14,409 --> 00:11:16,209 This is a private compartment. 284 00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:18,378 - Jeff, get the files. - Why me? 285 00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:21,214 Because you can see the cabinets. 286 00:11:21,215 --> 00:11:22,416 And I'll make love to you. 287 00:11:22,417 --> 00:11:24,451 Jackpot. 288 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,888 There is an Abed in this hospital school, 289 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:33,125 but he's not a doctor. 290 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,693 He's a patient. 291 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,795 - Notify security! - Conductor! 292 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,130 Jeff, take me to Abed. 293 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,365 Where is that? 294 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,134 Enough games, just take me where I wanna go. 295 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,724 Follow me. 296 00:11:45,097 --> 00:11:45,971 Are we close? 297 00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,373 Almost there, although you should probably run in place 298 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,309 and let the hall move around you. 299 00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:58,916 - Here we are. - Where? 300 00:11:58,917 --> 00:12:00,717 Where you wanted to go. 301 00:12:00,718 --> 00:12:03,854 The last night of school, first year. 302 00:12:03,855 --> 00:12:05,689 The night we kissed. 303 00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:09,159 Ababed wasn't there, so whose memory is this? 304 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,461 Maybe it's yours. 305 00:12:10,462 --> 00:12:12,863 Maybe the Dreamatorium really works. 306 00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:14,998 Or maybe Leonard was watching from the bushes 307 00:12:14,999 --> 00:12:16,732 and told Abed about it. 308 00:12:16,733 --> 00:12:19,202 I don't have cable. 309 00:12:19,203 --> 00:12:20,936 Knock it off, Abed. 310 00:12:20,937 --> 00:12:22,005 I'm not Abed. 311 00:12:22,006 --> 00:12:24,640 You're confused, so was I. 312 00:12:24,641 --> 00:12:26,142 But not anymore. 313 00:12:26,143 --> 00:12:28,777 Jeff... Abed, stop! 314 00:12:28,778 --> 00:12:29,979 I don't wanna do this. 315 00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:33,148 I want to talk to Abed. 316 00:12:33,149 --> 00:12:37,185 I'm taking the file. 317 00:12:37,186 --> 00:12:40,822 Oh, it says Abed is in the recovery parlor. 318 00:12:40,823 --> 00:12:43,492 Condition... never better. 319 00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:46,728 You're not holding anything. 320 00:12:46,729 --> 00:12:49,696 This is the file. 321 00:12:49,697 --> 00:12:53,234 Abed Nadir, psychiatric patient 1373, 322 00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:55,336 control freak with no empathy. 323 00:12:55,337 --> 00:12:58,972 People bend over backwards to cater to him. 324 00:12:58,973 --> 00:13:03,443 Signed, healthcare administrator Annie Edison. 325 00:13:03,444 --> 00:13:05,678 That's out of context. 326 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:06,846 Shh. 327 00:13:06,847 --> 00:13:08,848 You've thought of everything, Annie. 328 00:13:08,849 --> 00:13:11,484 With Abed gone and Troy and Britta together, 329 00:13:11,485 --> 00:13:13,386 there's nothing standing in the way of us. 330 00:13:13,387 --> 00:13:14,587 Wait, what? 331 00:13:14,588 --> 00:13:15,855 Come on. 332 00:13:15,856 --> 00:13:16,923 This is you dream. 333 00:13:16,924 --> 00:13:19,858 This is why you played matchmaker. 334 00:13:19,859 --> 00:13:22,494 This is what's important to you. 335 00:13:22,495 --> 00:13:24,963 You are not Jeff. 336 00:13:24,964 --> 00:13:27,966 Because Jeff cares about Abed. 337 00:13:27,967 --> 00:13:29,601 And I did not push Troy and Britta together 338 00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:30,869 so this would happen. 339 00:13:30,870 --> 00:13:32,538 I did it because I thought they were cute together 340 00:13:32,539 --> 00:13:34,540 and this would have been a bonus. 341 00:13:34,541 --> 00:13:36,441 And we are not here. 342 00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:39,843 And I'm not staying here because I hate whoever you are. 343 00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:41,845 You should probably storm off in... 344 00:13:41,846 --> 00:13:43,247 Oh! 345 00:13:43,248 --> 00:13:45,183 In place. 346 00:13:54,243 --> 00:13:55,410 Where do you wanna go next? 347 00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:57,712 I wanna be alone. 348 00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:59,547 Sounds good to me. 349 00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,483 Execute simulation, Annie/Annie. 350 00:14:04,954 --> 00:14:06,854 There. 351 00:14:06,855 --> 00:14:08,222 Now we're alone. 352 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,825 Great, so you're me now. 353 00:14:10,826 --> 00:14:13,227 Why are you blowing our magic moment with Jeff? 354 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:14,361 It's not magic. 355 00:14:14,362 --> 00:14:15,495 It's not even real. 356 00:14:15,496 --> 00:14:17,998 But we love Jeff. 357 00:14:17,999 --> 00:14:20,734 No, we don't. 358 00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:23,903 We're just in love with the idea of being loved. 359 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,872 And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it, 360 00:14:25,873 --> 00:14:27,874 we'll never be unloved. 361 00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:30,576 So we keep running the same scenario over and over 362 00:14:30,577 --> 00:14:32,078 hoping for a different result. 363 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,779 Running scenarios. 364 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,048 Careful now. 365 00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:38,317 You're starting to sound like Abed. 366 00:14:38,318 --> 00:14:42,087 So... I probably shouldn't say things like "Star Wars. 367 00:14:42,088 --> 00:14:44,589 Zardoz, Cougar Town, cool, cool, cool." 368 00:14:44,590 --> 00:14:46,225 - Stop it. - Pop culture, pop culture. 369 00:14:46,226 --> 00:14:49,228 - I'm on a TV show. - You're gonna get in trouble. 370 00:14:49,229 --> 00:14:50,996 Meta, meta. 371 00:14:50,997 --> 00:14:52,197 It's Abed! 372 00:14:52,198 --> 00:14:53,765 I got an Abed here! 373 00:14:53,766 --> 00:14:54,999 Get him! 374 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,000 That's it. 375 00:14:56,001 --> 00:14:57,601 I find you guilty of being Abed. 376 00:14:57,602 --> 00:14:59,036 You're under arrest! 377 00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:00,304 Can I just interject and say 378 00:15:00,305 --> 00:15:03,241 I don't know what the hell's going on? 379 00:15:09,314 --> 00:15:12,082 This time you'll never get out. 380 00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:14,017 Abed? 381 00:15:16,754 --> 00:15:17,754 Abed. 382 00:15:17,755 --> 00:15:18,989 [Annie's voice] Yeah. 383 00:15:18,990 --> 00:15:20,623 I found you by turning into you, how cool is that? 384 00:15:20,624 --> 00:15:22,225 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 385 00:15:22,226 --> 00:15:23,826 Tell me where we are so I can pretend to see it. 386 00:15:23,827 --> 00:15:25,495 We're inside a locker. 387 00:15:25,496 --> 00:15:28,430 It's where I spent a lot of time in junior high. 388 00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:29,965 You think this is where we'd put you? 389 00:15:29,966 --> 00:15:32,734 - You know that's absurd, right? - Well, I'm not stupid. 390 00:15:32,735 --> 00:15:34,904 You can see I've increased the square footage. 391 00:15:34,905 --> 00:15:36,571 It's a metaphorical locker. 392 00:15:36,572 --> 00:15:37,839 It's a place where people like me get put 393 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,174 when everyone's finally fed up with us. 394 00:15:39,175 --> 00:15:42,310 Abed, so maudlin. 395 00:15:42,311 --> 00:15:44,312 If you start turning into a vampire... 396 00:15:44,313 --> 00:15:45,479 I've run the simulations, Annie. 397 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,814 I don't get married, I don't invent 398 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,316 a billion dollar website that helps people have sex. 399 00:15:48,317 --> 00:15:50,551 I don't make in into Sundance, Slamdance or Dance Pants. 400 00:15:50,552 --> 00:15:52,486 Troy invents Dance Pants in 2019. 401 00:15:52,487 --> 00:15:53,988 Don't tell him, he needs to stumble onto it. 402 00:15:53,989 --> 00:15:55,189 All right, listen. 403 00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:56,757 The scenarios you run in here 404 00:15:56,758 --> 00:16:00,160 are like... great science fiction. 405 00:16:00,161 --> 00:16:03,797 They're impressive and detailed and insightful, 406 00:16:03,798 --> 00:16:05,966 but they're not accurate for crap. 407 00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:07,767 Science fiction never has been. 408 00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:09,269 Look at 2001. 409 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:11,071 Did we have a space odyssey? 410 00:16:11,072 --> 00:16:13,407 No, we got snowboarding in the Olympics 411 00:16:13,408 --> 00:16:15,041 and we over-validated Carson Daily. 412 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,410 - That poor guy. - Yeah, cry me a river. 413 00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:18,978 My point is, your simulations 414 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,879 are nothing more than anxieties. 415 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,348 You're afraid you don't fit in. 416 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,950 You're afraid you'll be alone. 417 00:16:23,951 --> 00:16:26,819 Great news... you share that with all of us, 418 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,355 so you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in. 419 00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:33,425 And, yes, that's why I meddled with Troy and Britta. 420 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,426 You caught me. 421 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,860 I was trying to make life go 422 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,228 according to some script. 423 00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:38,763 I can't. 424 00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,765 You can't. 425 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:44,035 We both need to get more comfortable winging it. 426 00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,503 At least it'll be less work. 427 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,937 It would cut down my Dreamatorium time 428 00:16:46,938 --> 00:16:48,339 by 18 hours a week. 429 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,340 I could take up yoga. 430 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,241 You've got the body type. 431 00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:53,077 Now let's get you out of here. 432 00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,311 I don't know how. 433 00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:56,046 These fake shackles don't have a fake key. 434 00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:59,049 Isn't that what a... quantum spanner's for? 435 00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:01,585 Technically, no. 436 00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:04,687 But that's fine. 437 00:17:04,688 --> 00:17:06,622 [Electricity crackles] 438 00:17:09,326 --> 00:17:11,427 So should we get back to lunch? 439 00:17:11,428 --> 00:17:12,428 I guess so. 440 00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:13,429 A little more anticlimactic 441 00:17:13,430 --> 00:17:14,430 than I would have simulated it, 442 00:17:14,431 --> 00:17:17,233 - but whatever. - Anticlimactic? 443 00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:19,201 Render environment observo-deck, 444 00:17:19,202 --> 00:17:23,705 H.M.S. Spacetime 12. 445 00:17:23,706 --> 00:17:26,941 Inspector, set the tachyon drive to hyperjump. 446 00:17:26,942 --> 00:17:28,943 We must get to the other side of this star field 447 00:17:28,944 --> 00:17:31,679 before the Blorgons intercept. 448 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,948 Blorgons in this sector? 449 00:17:33,949 --> 00:17:36,550 Well, this mission has gone pear-shaped, indeed. 450 00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:38,719 Prepare to hyperjump on my mark. 451 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,088 Bugger the dovecoats, inspector. 452 00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:42,890 We're too late! Blorgons! 453 00:17:42,891 --> 00:17:45,459 Eradicate! Eradicate! 454 00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:49,063 Our quantum blasters are useless against their armor. 455 00:17:49,064 --> 00:17:51,431 We're as cooked as Lord Nelson's mutton, we are. 456 00:17:51,432 --> 00:17:52,965 Not if I can help it. 457 00:17:52,966 --> 00:17:57,437 I'll see you on the other side inspector... Wherever that is. 458 00:17:57,438 --> 00:18:00,806 Don't you mean "whenever that is"? 459 00:18:00,807 --> 00:18:04,144 [Battlecry] 460 00:18:04,145 --> 00:18:06,211 Take that, Blorgon scum! 461 00:18:06,212 --> 00:18:09,348 You'll blo-gon me for this later. 462 00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:10,949 Ow, Annie! 463 00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:12,351 Oh, oh, my God! 464 00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,453 Abed, I'm so sorry. 465 00:18:14,454 --> 00:18:15,854 No, no, you're committing. 466 00:18:15,855 --> 00:18:17,022 This is good stuff. 467 00:18:17,023 --> 00:18:19,624 Thanks. 468 00:18:19,625 --> 00:18:21,760 I am Abed Nadir... 469 00:18:21,761 --> 00:18:23,928 And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows. 470 00:18:23,929 --> 00:18:25,963 I wander the universe with my friend, Troy, 471 00:18:25,964 --> 00:18:27,465 doing whatever I want. 472 00:18:27,466 --> 00:18:30,868 Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables. 473 00:18:30,869 --> 00:18:34,305 This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted. 474 00:18:34,306 --> 00:18:37,375 I now have the ability to enter the minds of others. 475 00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:39,576 - I'm hungry, are you hungry? - Yeah. 476 00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,144 I'll make us buttered noodles. 477 00:18:41,145 --> 00:18:44,581 Using an elusive new technique known as "empathy". 478 00:18:46,617 --> 00:18:48,718 So was the other fast food place worth the drive, Shirley? 479 00:18:48,719 --> 00:18:50,620 You know, half way there I thought, "What am I doing? 480 00:18:50,621 --> 00:18:52,655 It's the same fast food place in a different location. 481 00:18:52,656 --> 00:18:55,124 Have the margins of my life become so narrow?" 482 00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:56,825 So I went to the mall and had pizza. 483 00:18:58,661 --> 00:19:01,530 Sounds like this has been a game-changing day for all of us. 484 00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,299 I almost sat on my balls, 485 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:06,802 but at the last second, I made an adjustment. 486 00:19:06,803 --> 00:19:08,704 - Good job! - Good work. 487 00:19:08,705 --> 00:19:10,138 Good job, man. 488 00:19:10,139 --> 00:19:11,372 Well, we had a good lunch, too. 489 00:19:11,373 --> 00:19:13,674 Yeah. 490 00:19:13,675 --> 00:19:15,243 I spoke to the manager about Die Hard, 491 00:19:15,244 --> 00:19:16,811 and I told him he should be ashamed of himself. 492 00:19:16,812 --> 00:19:18,179 Thanks. 493 00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:20,315 Sorry I bailed on the Dreamatorium. 494 00:19:20,316 --> 00:19:24,319 It's okay, Annie did pretty good in a pinch. 495 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,787 All right, back to cramming? 496 00:19:27,788 --> 00:19:31,024 The people at the bank loved my outfit. 497 00:19:31,025 --> 00:19:33,393 And they had all kinds of questions about it 498 00:19:33,394 --> 00:19:34,894 and my answers seemed to amuse 499 00:19:34,895 --> 00:19:37,531 and... and even liberate them a little. 500 00:19:37,532 --> 00:19:39,099 A few of us went to lunch 501 00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:43,068 and I had the deepest conversation of my life. 502 00:19:43,069 --> 00:19:47,039 I gotta go, I'm telling everybody. 503 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,642 Hmm, maybe after a long, dark night, 504 00:19:49,643 --> 00:19:51,244 the sun is starting to rise on Greendale. 505 00:19:51,245 --> 00:19:54,247 Maybe. Maybe not. 506 00:19:54,248 --> 00:19:56,915 You never can tell what kind of day you're gonna have. 507 00:19:56,916 --> 00:19:58,850 Okay, I didn't really avoid sitting on them. 508 00:19:58,851 --> 00:20:00,685 I sat right on them. 509 00:20:00,686 --> 00:20:02,254 - Oh. - Aw. 510 00:20:02,255 --> 00:20:03,555 - I'm sorry. - Pierce, I'm sorry. 511 00:20:03,556 --> 00:20:04,856 Hurt like hell. 512 00:20:04,857 --> 00:20:06,791 I saw eagles. 513 00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:19,537 Both: ♪ Troy and Abed in the morning ♪ 514 00:20:19,538 --> 00:20:20,939 Today we're joined by Annie Edison... 515 00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:22,206 - Hi! - Who's gonna show us how 516 00:20:22,207 --> 00:20:23,641 to spruce up your apartment on a budget. 517 00:20:23,642 --> 00:20:25,043 So, Annie, what inspired this throw? 518 00:20:25,044 --> 00:20:27,478 Well, I just thought that I'd cover up the stain 519 00:20:27,479 --> 00:20:29,646 where Abed spilled code red on the couch last week. 520 00:20:29,647 --> 00:20:30,981 Oops. Crafty. 521 00:20:30,982 --> 00:20:32,583 And you have some tips on entertaining. 522 00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:34,417 Yes, if you're expecting company, 523 00:20:34,418 --> 00:20:36,720 but you don't have enough chairs, you can bring out 524 00:20:36,721 --> 00:20:39,322 pillows from your bedroom and use them on the floor 525 00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:40,757 for a Moroccan feel. 526 00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:42,859 - Ooh, a taste of the Orient. - Ooh! 527 00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:45,527 Actually, boys, I have a little surprise for you. 528 00:20:45,528 --> 00:20:46,562 - Uh-oh. - While you two were out 529 00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:47,730 playing blazer tag... 530 00:20:47,731 --> 00:20:49,498 That's laser tag with sport coats. 531 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:53,102 I did a little extreme bedroom makeover! 532 00:20:53,103 --> 00:20:56,438 I unbunked your beds and got scrap fabric and... 533 00:20:56,439 --> 00:20:59,341 - [High-pitched whine] - It's okay, buddy. 534 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,341 We can put it back. 535 00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:01,542 We can put it back the way it was. 536 00:21:01,543 --> 00:21:02,811 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay. 537 00:21:02,812 --> 00:21:05,413 - [Whining continues] - It's... cut, Garrett. 538 00:21:05,414 --> 00:21:06,715 Sorry! 539 00:21:06,716 --> 00:21:08,650 [Stuttering whine] 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net