1
00:00:00,030 --> 00:00:03,164
Greendale Community College
is represented by two separate,
2
00:00:03,165 --> 00:00:05,283
yet equally important
types of people:
3
00:00:05,284 --> 00:00:07,368
The goofballs that run around
stirring up trouble,
4
00:00:07,369 --> 00:00:10,620
and the eggheads that
make a big deal out of it.
5
00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:12,473
These are their stories.
6
00:00:12,474 --> 00:00:13,825
You'll be better off
without her.
7
00:00:13,826 --> 00:00:16,578
She was perfect.
Warm, smart, beautiful.
8
00:00:16,579 --> 00:00:20,048
I'm never gonna find another
dental hygienist like that.
9
00:00:20,049 --> 00:00:21,149
Well, you should
stop hitting on her.
10
00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:24,252
Hey, she's the one putting
her hands in my mouth.
11
00:00:24,253 --> 00:00:25,253
Hey!
12
00:00:25,254 --> 00:00:27,233
Over here.
13
00:00:29,792 --> 00:00:31,960
Move along,
nothing to see here.
14
00:00:31,961 --> 00:00:33,928
That's the first time those
words have actually been true.
15
00:00:33,929 --> 00:00:35,847
Ms. Edison, when you called me
down here at midnight,
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00:00:35,848 --> 00:00:37,882
I expected more than a yam.
17
00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:39,517
Specifically since you said,
"There's been a murder."
18
00:00:39,518 --> 00:00:40,768
Our yam was murdered.
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00:00:40,769 --> 00:00:42,353
If it's any consolation,
she got me here
20
00:00:42,354 --> 00:00:43,938
on a very misleading
text message.
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00:00:43,939 --> 00:00:45,306
Jeff, technically,
you are about to be screwed
22
00:00:45,307 --> 00:00:46,774
in the biology room
because our final project
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00:00:46,775 --> 00:00:47,942
has been destroyed.
24
00:00:47,943 --> 00:00:49,727
All right, look,
I'm sorry for your loss.
25
00:00:49,728 --> 00:00:52,530
I know you guys put the work in,
so you'll get a passing grade.
26
00:00:52,531 --> 00:00:53,781
A passing grade?
27
00:00:53,782 --> 00:00:55,199
Like a "C"?
28
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,485
Why don't I just get pregnant
at a bus station?
29
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That was going to be
an A-plus yam.
30
00:00:59,604 --> 00:01:01,272
I can't give an A-plus
to everyone
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whose yam falls of a counter.
32
00:01:02,941 --> 00:01:04,792
Somebody did this to us.
33
00:01:04,793 --> 00:01:07,045
In science,
we call that a hypothesis.
34
00:01:07,046 --> 00:01:09,414
You find something
to back it up and we can talk.
35
00:01:09,415 --> 00:01:13,635
Now if you'll excuse me,
I was watching Mama's Family.
36
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What happened?
37
00:01:14,837 --> 00:01:16,137
Our yam was killed.
38
00:01:16,138 --> 00:01:17,455
But Professor Kane says
we can still get an "A"
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00:01:17,456 --> 00:01:19,340
- if we figure out who did it.
- He did not say that.
40
00:01:19,341 --> 00:01:20,425
He basically did.
41
00:01:20,426 --> 00:01:21,676
You let me handle
the nitty gritty.
42
00:01:21,677 --> 00:01:23,845
In the meantime, I need somebody
to drum up suspects.
43
00:01:23,846 --> 00:01:24,929
I can help you with that.
44
00:01:24,930 --> 00:01:26,898
I watch crime shows
when I'm bored.
45
00:01:26,899 --> 00:01:28,933
You boys, canvas for witnesses,
establish a time frame
46
00:01:28,934 --> 00:01:30,485
and motive and bring
me a suspect.
47
00:01:30,486 --> 00:01:32,320
You've got 48 hours before
the trail runs cold,
48
00:01:32,321 --> 00:01:33,938
so start with the last person
to see that yam alive.
49
00:01:33,939 --> 00:01:36,474
- Yes, ma'am.
- Understood.
50
00:01:36,475 --> 00:01:38,142
It's been a long 15 years.
51
00:01:38,143 --> 00:01:40,662
Looks like it's gonna
be a late night.
52
00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:41,996
How'd we manage
to pull the short straw?
53
00:01:41,997 --> 00:01:43,614
It's not a short straw.
54
00:01:43,615 --> 00:01:45,667
It's a hot potato.
55
00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:49,754
Yeah, well,
looks pretty cold to me.
56
00:01:49,755 --> 00:01:53,324
Cold?
Or dead?
57
00:01:53,325 --> 00:01:56,010
- Survey says...
- We can't both do the zinger.
58
00:01:56,011 --> 00:01:57,495
Sorry.
59
00:01:57,496 --> 00:02:00,498
[Parody Law & Order
theme music]
60
00:02:00,499 --> 00:02:02,099
♪ ♪
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00:02:26,805 --> 00:02:29,828
Sync & Corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:34,149 --> 00:02:38,219
Okay, okay, five-to-one
on the black guy.
63
00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:39,220
That's offensive.
64
00:02:39,221 --> 00:02:40,221
Fine, six-to-one.
65
00:02:40,222 --> 00:02:41,222
Hello, boys.
66
00:02:41,223 --> 00:02:44,542
Youth! Scatter!
67
00:02:44,543 --> 00:02:47,645
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down, Pierce.
68
00:02:47,646 --> 00:02:49,713
Mind if we ask you
a couple of questions?
69
00:02:49,714 --> 00:02:51,649
Sure, I always say you guys
should ask me more questions.
70
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:53,317
Did you water our
biology yam last night?
71
00:02:53,318 --> 00:02:54,485
Of course I watered it.
72
00:02:54,486 --> 00:02:55,719
It was my turn, wasn't it?
73
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,021
I hold up my end.
74
00:02:57,022 --> 00:02:59,857
Did you hold it or drop it?
75
00:02:59,858 --> 00:03:02,026
Okay, whoa, I had
nothing to do with that.
76
00:03:02,027 --> 00:03:03,828
I-I couldn't even
get in the room.
77
00:03:03,829 --> 00:03:05,079
Make up your mind, Pierce.
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00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,080
Did you water the yam
or weren't you there?
79
00:03:06,081 --> 00:03:09,700
Okay, I lied about watering it.
80
00:03:09,701 --> 00:03:11,202
I got there too late,
the doors were already locked.
81
00:03:11,203 --> 00:03:12,903
Why were you late?
82
00:03:12,904 --> 00:03:15,406
I... fell asleep
in a sunbeam.
83
00:03:15,407 --> 00:03:16,907
- Likely story.
- Actually it is.
84
00:03:16,908 --> 00:03:18,376
I used to live with him,
it's kind of adorable.
85
00:03:18,377 --> 00:03:20,094
Look, why are you
looking at me for this?
86
00:03:20,095 --> 00:03:22,013
It was my yam too.
87
00:03:22,014 --> 00:03:23,131
You should be talking
to somebody
88
00:03:23,132 --> 00:03:24,132
who would wanna hurt us.
89
00:03:24,133 --> 00:03:25,933
- And who's that?
- Duh-doy!
90
00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:27,111
Todd.
91
00:03:28,887 --> 00:03:31,305
Last night,
I was home by 9:15,
92
00:03:31,306 --> 00:03:33,891
helped Elly with her geography
and then went straight to bed.
93
00:03:33,892 --> 00:03:35,777
Sounds like you keep
a pretty tight schedule.
94
00:03:35,778 --> 00:03:38,279
A valuable side effect
of military service.
95
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,866
In Iraq, keeping
a tight schedule saved lives.
96
00:03:41,867 --> 00:03:43,367
Ah, what happened, Todd?
97
00:03:43,368 --> 00:03:45,486
Cut yourself on an extra sharp
Oscar Wilde play?
98
00:03:45,487 --> 00:03:46,621
Oh, this?
It's a burn.
99
00:03:46,622 --> 00:03:48,289
Home ec class. Muffin.
100
00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:49,323
What kind of muffin?
101
00:03:49,324 --> 00:03:50,608
- Blueberry.
- Why not raisin?
102
00:03:50,609 --> 00:03:52,243
That wasn't the assignment.
103
00:03:52,244 --> 00:03:53,544
You can dance all day, Todd,
104
00:03:53,545 --> 00:03:54,962
but sooner or later,
the music's gonna change.
105
00:03:54,963 --> 00:03:58,716
Look, even if I wanted to hurt
your yam, I couldn't.
106
00:03:58,717 --> 00:04:01,452
I went by the bio room at 8:10
to chart my yam's growth.
107
00:04:01,453 --> 00:04:02,786
The door was already locked.
108
00:04:02,787 --> 00:04:03,971
There's a lot
of that going around.
109
00:04:03,972 --> 00:04:05,556
- Oh, yeah.
- It's true.
110
00:04:05,557 --> 00:04:07,925
I had to take a picture of my
yam through the door.
111
00:04:07,926 --> 00:04:08,976
See?
112
00:04:08,977 --> 00:04:11,846
Your yam was fine when I left.
113
00:04:13,882 --> 00:04:15,650
I transferred or "downloaded"
114
00:04:15,651 --> 00:04:17,468
Todd's photograph
to this computer
115
00:04:17,469 --> 00:04:19,987
and as you'll see, with
a few adjustments, I can make
116
00:04:19,988 --> 00:04:22,824
the entire image...
[Computer beeps]
117
00:04:22,825 --> 00:04:26,244
old west color.
118
00:04:26,245 --> 00:04:27,695
I don't know.
I thought it was cool.
119
00:04:27,696 --> 00:04:29,163
Britta, zoom in there.
120
00:04:29,164 --> 00:04:30,915
There's a clock on the wall.
121
00:04:30,916 --> 00:04:33,284
- Eight plus two times five...
- Ten after 8:00.
122
00:04:33,285 --> 00:04:34,818
I'm gifted in other ways.
123
00:04:34,819 --> 00:04:36,454
That jibes with everyone
else we talked to.
124
00:04:36,455 --> 00:04:38,289
It seems like the classroom door
gets locked at 8:00.
125
00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:39,624
Which means whoever
did the crime...
126
00:04:39,625 --> 00:04:41,175
Got in there before
the doors were locked
127
00:04:41,176 --> 00:04:42,844
and stayed there for hours.
128
00:04:42,845 --> 00:04:44,178
I was gonna say,
"Had a key".
129
00:04:44,179 --> 00:04:45,680
Last year, I came in
after hours a couple of times
130
00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:48,165
to finish a piñata
for advanced Spanish.
131
00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:50,234
I had to borrow a key
from the front office.
132
00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:51,886
And sign a log.
133
00:04:51,887 --> 00:04:52,970
I can also help.
134
00:04:52,971 --> 00:04:54,555
As a psych major,
I could pr...
135
00:04:56,658 --> 00:04:58,276
Any student can check out
a key as long as they're
136
00:04:58,277 --> 00:05:00,611
currently taking classes
and show school I.D.
137
00:05:00,612 --> 00:05:01,729
The guy we're looking
for had a key
138
00:05:01,730 --> 00:05:02,947
to the bio room Monday night.
139
00:05:02,948 --> 00:05:05,182
Monday night?
Rings a bell.
140
00:05:05,183 --> 00:05:07,068
I'll check the log.
141
00:05:07,069 --> 00:05:09,520
Sorry, this place is a mess.
142
00:05:09,521 --> 00:05:11,122
Is this about your yam?
143
00:05:11,123 --> 00:05:13,524
I heard about that.
It's a damn shame.
144
00:05:13,525 --> 00:05:17,411
- Mine just bloomed yesterday.
- Congratulations.
145
00:05:17,412 --> 00:05:21,832
Ooh, there she is.
146
00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:27,305
Monday night, one biology room
key checked out by...
147
00:05:27,306 --> 00:05:29,307
Magnitude.
148
00:05:31,276 --> 00:05:32,593
So you're saying you
did check out a key,
149
00:05:32,594 --> 00:05:34,428
but it was inside your backpack
when someone stole it
150
00:05:34,429 --> 00:05:36,647
off a table in the library while
you were using the bathroom
151
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:38,015
and you haven't seen it since.
152
00:05:38,016 --> 00:05:41,552
Pop pop!
153
00:05:41,553 --> 00:05:43,721
Perfect, so now we gotta solve
a robbery too.
154
00:05:43,722 --> 00:05:45,323
Well, whoever did it
likes to steal backpacks
155
00:05:45,324 --> 00:05:46,524
off tables in the library.
156
00:05:46,525 --> 00:05:49,327
Only one way to catch
a dirtbag like that.
157
00:05:54,116 --> 00:05:57,118
Well, time to visit
the restroom.
158
00:06:07,245 --> 00:06:09,847
[Whistles]
159
00:06:18,590 --> 00:06:20,924
I found that backpack.
160
00:06:20,925 --> 00:06:23,927
Hey, idiot, guess what.
161
00:06:23,928 --> 00:06:26,564
We don't care about
the backpack.
162
00:06:26,565 --> 00:06:29,533
Dead yam, big deal.
163
00:06:29,534 --> 00:06:30,934
Order some ketchup.
164
00:06:30,935 --> 00:06:32,620
That doesn't make sense.
You don't order ketchup.
165
00:06:32,621 --> 00:06:33,621
It's a condiment!
166
00:06:33,622 --> 00:06:35,105
Troy, Troy, hey, walk it off!
167
00:06:35,106 --> 00:06:36,991
Troy, walk it off!
168
00:06:36,992 --> 00:06:38,159
Sorry, my friend,
he's a bad cop.
169
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,410
- Yeah.
- I'm a good cop.
170
00:06:39,411 --> 00:06:40,628
- Oh, good.
- You can trust me.
171
00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:42,630
Okay, well... hey!
172
00:06:42,631 --> 00:06:44,165
I'm not falling for that.
173
00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:46,133
And you got nothing on me.
174
00:06:46,134 --> 00:06:48,419
And I don't have to stay here,
'cause you're not cops.
175
00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,421
[Knock at door]
176
00:06:53,308 --> 00:06:54,976
He's right.
You're not cops.
177
00:06:54,977 --> 00:06:57,228
I'd say our hands are tied,
but we basically have no hands.
178
00:06:57,229 --> 00:06:58,429
But he's our man though, right?
179
00:06:58,430 --> 00:07:00,398
Well he ain't innocent.
180
00:07:00,399 --> 00:07:02,183
Look, I'll try
to keep him busy.
181
00:07:02,184 --> 00:07:04,602
You guys go to the lab,
see if they figured out
182
00:07:04,603 --> 00:07:06,187
how our yam met its masher.
183
00:07:06,188 --> 00:07:08,856
I can both see and hear you.
184
00:07:10,892 --> 00:07:13,644
The yam's vascular cylinder
is completely disintegrated.
185
00:07:13,645 --> 00:07:15,279
Any possibility
it happened naturally?
186
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,331
Sure, if the gardener's
Joseph Mengele.
187
00:07:17,332 --> 00:07:18,416
Look at the root system.
188
00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:20,334
This level of smushing
is consistent
189
00:07:20,335 --> 00:07:22,986
with someone stepping on the yam
after it was dropped.
190
00:07:22,987 --> 00:07:24,655
So whoever did this was angry.
191
00:07:24,656 --> 00:07:25,823
Hey, I just cut 'em open.
192
00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:27,491
You want motive,
talk to a shrink.
193
00:07:27,492 --> 00:07:31,212
What I can tell you is that for
a raw yam to get it this bad,
194
00:07:31,213 --> 00:07:33,163
you need more than gravity.
195
00:07:33,164 --> 00:07:34,465
You need a boot.
196
00:07:34,466 --> 00:07:37,935
[Gags]
197
00:07:37,936 --> 00:07:39,336
We have to tell Professor Kane.
198
00:07:39,337 --> 00:07:40,688
There's nothing here
to connect to Star-Burns.
199
00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:41,689
He'd have to confess.
200
00:07:41,690 --> 00:07:42,690
Oh, yeah, sure.
201
00:07:42,691 --> 00:07:43,808
Maybe if we ask him nice,
202
00:07:43,809 --> 00:07:45,109
he'll write us
a love letter too.
203
00:07:45,110 --> 00:07:48,846
Well, whoever did do this does
owe you guys a letter.
204
00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:50,848
An "A."
205
00:07:52,784 --> 00:07:56,520
This yam was about to bloom.
206
00:07:56,521 --> 00:07:57,872
Damn.
207
00:07:57,873 --> 00:08:01,492
We named the yam "Pam."
208
00:08:01,493 --> 00:08:02,493
It rhymed.
209
00:08:04,624 --> 00:08:05,711
Even if we could prove
210
00:08:05,712 --> 00:08:07,212
that Star-Burns stole
Magnitude's key,
211
00:08:07,213 --> 00:08:08,213
it's not enough.
212
00:08:08,214 --> 00:08:09,214
But we know Star-Burns
did it.
213
00:08:09,215 --> 00:08:11,550
Keep the change, Garret.
214
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:13,117
You know what?
Keep the hot dog.
215
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,136
You're telling me
after all this,
216
00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:15,387
our suspect's gonna slip away
217
00:08:15,388 --> 00:08:16,721
on the technicality
that we're not police?
218
00:08:16,722 --> 00:08:18,039
Okay, look,
you don't need authority
219
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,274
to get a confession.
220
00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,209
You need leverage.
Something to hold over his head.
221
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,644
- Like what?
- He's Star-Burns.
222
00:08:22,645 --> 00:08:23,728
Break into his locker.
223
00:08:23,729 --> 00:08:25,013
You'll find enough dirt
to bury him.
224
00:08:25,014 --> 00:08:26,765
Jeff, that's not ethical.
225
00:08:26,766 --> 00:08:29,801
Oh, so now you're
finding your softness?
226
00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:30,936
I say do what you have to do.
227
00:08:30,937 --> 00:08:32,303
It's too late
to get compassionate.
228
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:35,106
We only have time
to get justice.
229
00:08:35,107 --> 00:08:36,775
I really shouldn't
be doing this.
230
00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:38,827
And you're sure you heard
a kitten meowing in here?
231
00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:41,363
Not anymore, so hurry up.
232
00:08:41,364 --> 00:08:42,414
[Glass shatters]
233
00:08:42,415 --> 00:08:44,416
Whoa, Nelly!
234
00:08:48,504 --> 00:08:51,506
Clean up on aisle "busted."
235
00:08:54,594 --> 00:08:56,127
Why do they always r...
236
00:08:56,128 --> 00:08:57,128
Why do they always...
237
00:08:57,129 --> 00:08:58,463
- You go ahead.
- Why do they always run?
238
00:08:58,464 --> 00:09:01,666
There you go.
239
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:02,684
Move!
240
00:09:02,685 --> 00:09:04,519
Not police business!
241
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,006
Hey, knock much?
242
00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:09,007
- Kiss me!
- What?
243
00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:10,008
I'll explain later.
244
00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:11,175
- No.
- I'll explain later.
245
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,861
The explanation
isn't the issue.
246
00:09:12,862 --> 00:09:14,512
Aah!
247
00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:16,147
Oh, all right, all right.
248
00:09:16,148 --> 00:09:19,317
Look, I-I swiped some
beakers for the meth lab
249
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,319
that I'm building
in the trunk of my car.
250
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,704
But that's it.
251
00:09:22,705 --> 00:09:24,289
I didn't kill any yam.
252
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:25,707
Tell it
to the biology Professor.
253
00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:26,908
Oh, now wait!
254
00:09:26,909 --> 00:09:28,243
I know who did it.
255
00:09:28,244 --> 00:09:30,361
I left the door open
and someone came in.
256
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,047
He dropped your yam.
257
00:09:32,048 --> 00:09:33,865
Will you tell
our teacher who it was?
258
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:35,333
If you promise
I won't get in trouble
259
00:09:35,334 --> 00:09:36,885
for stealing that
meth lab stuff.
260
00:09:36,886 --> 00:09:38,369
- Sure, whatever.
- Fine.
261
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,371
Pinky swear?
262
00:09:42,642 --> 00:09:44,709
It was the guy with
the weird head.
263
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:45,727
The army guy.
264
00:09:45,728 --> 00:09:47,062
I heard the jar break and then
265
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:49,731
I saw him running out
of the room holding his hand.
266
00:09:49,732 --> 00:09:54,736
Looked like he cut himself.
267
00:09:54,737 --> 00:09:56,938
Well, well, well.
268
00:09:56,939 --> 00:09:57,989
Look at this, Abed.
269
00:09:57,990 --> 00:10:00,058
He weaves baskets and lies.
270
00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:01,059
What's this about?
271
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:03,061
It's about the killing
of our biology yam.
272
00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:04,246
Will you please come with us?
273
00:10:04,247 --> 00:10:05,697
But I'm in the middle
of making a handle.
274
00:10:05,698 --> 00:10:07,899
He wants it the hard way.
Tell him what Shirley said.
275
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,068
Todd Jacobson, you have the
right to do whatever you want.
276
00:10:10,069 --> 00:10:12,570
Nothing you say or do can be
used against you by anyone,
277
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:14,039
but we'd really like it
if you came with us.
278
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,141
Please and thank you.
279
00:10:16,142 --> 00:10:17,225
[Heavy thuds]
280
00:10:17,226 --> 00:10:18,226
Make it quick, folks.
281
00:10:18,227 --> 00:10:20,912
I have a class in five minutes
and none of you guys are in it.
282
00:10:20,913 --> 00:10:23,081
After conducting
a full investigation,
283
00:10:23,082 --> 00:10:26,184
my study group now has
definitive proof that Todd,
284
00:10:26,185 --> 00:10:28,803
with malice of forethought,
smashed our yam.
285
00:10:28,804 --> 00:10:31,189
That's a serious allegation.
I hope you can back it up.
286
00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:32,924
We can place him
in the building Monday night.
287
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:35,560
He has a mysterious
bandage on his hand,
288
00:10:35,561 --> 00:10:37,762
and we have and eyewitness who
saw Todd drop the jar and flee.
289
00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:39,263
Well, Todd, what do you
have to say?
290
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:42,484
- I just wanna...
- Don't answer that, soldier!
291
00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:45,036
- This man is an American hero.
- And who are you?
292
00:10:45,037 --> 00:10:47,739
I'm Lieutenant Colonel Archwood,
United States Army.
293
00:10:47,740 --> 00:10:50,274
I had the pleasure of commanding
this young man in Iraq.
294
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,660
I'm staying on his couch
this weekend
295
00:10:51,661 --> 00:10:53,161
while I'm in town
for a wedding.
296
00:10:53,162 --> 00:10:56,247
I am a licensed attorney,
a veteran of two wars,
297
00:10:56,248 --> 00:11:00,468
and I'd like to know why in hell
he's being harassed.
298
00:11:00,469 --> 00:11:02,787
Mr. Winger,
what is the intention here?
299
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:06,257
Simple. When Todd smashed our
yam, he stole an "A" from us.
300
00:11:06,258 --> 00:11:07,392
We want it back.
301
00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:09,344
You mean if he smashed the yam.
302
00:11:09,345 --> 00:11:11,646
All you have is the word
of this Mr. Star-Burns,
303
00:11:11,647 --> 00:11:14,432
who offers up no explanation
as to why he was at the scene.
304
00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:15,633
How about it, Jeffrey?
305
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:17,802
What was Star-Burns
doing there?
306
00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:19,187
We agreed to withhold
that information
307
00:11:19,188 --> 00:11:21,639
as part of a pinky swear
with the witness.
308
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,991
A pinky swear?
309
00:11:22,992 --> 00:11:25,694
This is ludicrous.
This whole school is ludicrous.
310
00:11:25,695 --> 00:11:27,979
Who honors the pinky swear
of a degenerate
311
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,531
over the word
of a decorated soldier?
312
00:11:29,532 --> 00:11:32,167
I'm inclined to agree
with the man in uniform.
313
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:33,702
- Shocker.
- Jeffrey.
314
00:11:33,703 --> 00:11:36,671
Tell us what Star-Burns
was doing in that classroom,
315
00:11:36,672 --> 00:11:38,823
or your group can take an "F."
316
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:40,491
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
317
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,127
I grade my students.
318
00:11:42,128 --> 00:11:44,462
Now, what Star-Face was doing
there is irrelevant.
319
00:11:44,463 --> 00:11:46,297
What matters is what he saw.
320
00:11:46,298 --> 00:11:47,799
I'm upholding the pinky swear.
321
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,000
What?
322
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,269
Yo, man, you spent
your life in the army.
323
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:52,887
I spent mine in prison.
324
00:11:52,888 --> 00:11:56,274
Two places where a man's word
is only as good as his uniform.
325
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:58,443
Now out here,
it's supposed to be different.
326
00:11:58,444 --> 00:12:00,862
And in my class, it will be.
327
00:12:00,863 --> 00:12:02,447
You two can plead
your case to the class
328
00:12:02,448 --> 00:12:05,784
and let them
decide your grades.
329
00:12:05,785 --> 00:12:08,570
Professor...
Thank you.
330
00:12:08,571 --> 00:12:10,955
It's not a favor,
Mr. Winger.
331
00:12:10,956 --> 00:12:12,240
A man's gotta have a code.
332
00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:14,025
Awesome.
333
00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:16,411
See you in class.
334
00:12:18,964 --> 00:12:20,832
[Exhales]
335
00:12:20,833 --> 00:12:22,250
- Uniform.
- Oh!
336
00:12:22,251 --> 00:12:23,251
Jeez.
337
00:12:23,252 --> 00:12:25,253
Yeah.
338
00:12:25,254 --> 00:12:26,588
Shirley did some more digging.
339
00:12:26,589 --> 00:12:28,740
Turns out Todd's yam
never even sprouted.
340
00:12:28,741 --> 00:12:30,058
Goes to motive.
341
00:12:30,059 --> 00:12:32,927
And Star-Burns puts Todd
in the classroom at 8:10.
342
00:12:32,928 --> 00:12:33,928
Opportunity.
343
00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:35,230
Add to that a cut on the hand
344
00:12:35,231 --> 00:12:38,099
and the Winger charm,
we might get an A-plus-plus.
345
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,350
We still have
a lot of work to do.
346
00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:40,935
Oh, I think you've done enough.
347
00:12:40,936 --> 00:12:42,720
Colonel Archwood
got to Star-Burns.
348
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,222
Threatened to involve
the real cops.
349
00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:46,891
Now Star-Burns is in the wind.
350
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,493
He's our only witness.
351
00:12:48,494 --> 00:12:49,494
That what you guys do in here?
352
00:12:49,495 --> 00:12:50,495
You push your little papers
353
00:12:50,496 --> 00:12:51,830
and you make your
little speeches,
354
00:12:51,831 --> 00:12:53,564
and in the end another
dirtbag walks?
355
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,867
Huh?
Huh?!
356
00:12:55,868 --> 00:12:58,002
Abed! Abed!
357
00:12:58,003 --> 00:12:59,904
Abed! Walk it off!
[Screams]
358
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:02,507
Walk it off!
359
00:13:02,508 --> 00:13:04,292
I'm sorry about my partner.
360
00:13:04,293 --> 00:13:09,914
He... he's been on edge
ever since we switched.
361
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,100
[Snaps fingers]
You.
362
00:13:12,101 --> 00:13:14,418
Annie, that class
already hates us.
363
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,521
If we go in there without
a case, they'll fail us.
364
00:13:16,522 --> 00:13:18,189
We have proof
our yam was murdered
365
00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:19,941
and now you find your softness?
366
00:13:19,942 --> 00:13:22,093
It's eat or be eaten
when that's convenient,
367
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:24,446
but when the going gets tough,
Winger gets nervous, huh?
368
00:13:24,447 --> 00:13:26,114
We have no case, Annie.
369
00:13:26,115 --> 00:13:27,949
It's too late to get one, Jeff.
370
00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:30,682
We only have time
to get justice.
371
00:13:34,166 --> 00:13:36,265
Tell us what happened next,
Todd.
372
00:13:36,266 --> 00:13:38,568
I disarmed the I.E.D.
373
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:40,820
and returned the child
to his mother.
374
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,990
She offered to give me her only
possession... a wooden chair...
375
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,208
but I refused.
376
00:13:45,209 --> 00:13:48,277
I was only doing my duty
and we had
377
00:13:48,278 --> 00:13:49,996
plenty of chairs at the base.
378
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,164
And for your valor,
you were awarded a bronze star.
379
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,717
In fact, you have an absolutely
glowing service record.
380
00:13:54,718 --> 00:13:56,586
- Don't you, private?
- I do my best.
381
00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:58,921
You do more than that, soldier.
382
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,224
Certainly more
than this witness
383
00:14:01,225 --> 00:14:02,791
who supposedly saw you
kill the yam.
384
00:14:02,792 --> 00:14:05,177
A man who for all we know
385
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,430
is a holocaust-denying,
9/11 pedophile.
386
00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:09,982
- Objection.
- Withdrawn.
387
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,267
One last question.
388
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,102
Did you intentionally
break into
389
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:15,571
the biology room
with the express purpose
390
00:14:15,572 --> 00:14:17,973
of killing
the study group's yam?
391
00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:20,243
- No, sir, I did not.
- Thank you, soldier.
392
00:14:20,244 --> 00:14:24,030
And God bless your testimony.
393
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,032
Your witness.
394
00:14:28,585 --> 00:14:32,421
Tell me, Todd, do you
consider yourself a hero?
395
00:14:32,422 --> 00:14:33,456
Oh, no.
396
00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:34,507
Of course not.
397
00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:36,742
A hero doesn't call
himself a hero.
398
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,128
A hero gets called a hero
because of what he does.
399
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,379
And with your
impressive record,
400
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,797
not even I could
deny you the title.
401
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,133
Objection, she's clearly
ramping up to something.
402
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,718
Objection, that's not
a real objection.
403
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,520
Objection, I hate
the both of you.
404
00:14:47,521 --> 00:14:49,956
You may proceed, Ms. Edison,
but do so with caution.
405
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:52,441
Need I remind you
this is not a courtroom?
406
00:14:52,442 --> 00:14:54,143
I spent the majority
of last night
407
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,561
going over your records
with Mr. Winger,
408
00:14:55,562 --> 00:15:00,032
scouring them for the slightest
mistake, the tiniest slip up.
409
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:03,452
And I gotta tell you, Todd.
Couldn't find a thing.
410
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:06,405
Not one little smudge.
411
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:11,193
Except, of course, for one pesky
yam that just wouldn't grow.
412
00:15:11,194 --> 00:15:13,079
That had to weigh on your soul,
didn't it, Todd?
413
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,197
- Maybe a little.
- A little?
414
00:15:15,198 --> 00:15:18,968
A big orange splotch
on your perfect record?
415
00:15:18,969 --> 00:15:21,337
I bet that pissed you
right off, didn't it?
416
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:22,922
Is that why you hit your wife?
417
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,390
Withdrawn.
418
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:25,841
Is that why you drink
and pop pills?
419
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:26,842
Withdrawn.
420
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,427
Are you a virgin?
Withdrawn.
421
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,726
Did you...
422
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:34,900
kill our yam to settle
the score, huh?
423
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,886
Did stomping on its roots
make you feel like a big man?
424
00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:39,071
No, it didn't.
425
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,556
I mean, I didn't...
426
00:15:40,557 --> 00:15:42,224
Todd, zip it.
427
00:15:42,225 --> 00:15:44,777
No, you zip it,
Uncle Knobby.
428
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,696
I'm not fighting
your wars anymore.
429
00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:48,030
Listen to me, Todd.
430
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:51,367
I know how scary
a failing grade can be,
431
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,236
but this one dead yam
won't tarnish your record.
432
00:15:54,237 --> 00:15:58,574
What will tarnish it
is lying to your class,
433
00:15:58,575 --> 00:16:00,292
to your teacher, and to me.
434
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,078
The American citizen
you've sworn to protect.
435
00:16:03,079 --> 00:16:05,748
Come on, Todd.
436
00:16:05,749 --> 00:16:07,800
Stop disappointing me.
437
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:11,587
Defuse the I.E.D.
of dishonesty.
438
00:16:14,018 --> 00:16:15,307
It was an accident.
439
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,359
[All gasp]
440
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,060
I just wanted
to look at your yam,
441
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:21,697
but when I picked up the jar,
it burnt me and I dropped it.
442
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,649
Booyah!
443
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,736
[Laughs]
That's how it's done!
444
00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:30,239
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
445
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,125
- Todd...
- Woo-hoo!
446
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,377
I'm telling your mother.
447
00:16:34,378 --> 00:16:35,461
That's right.
448
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,781
Always have an exit strategy.
449
00:16:38,782 --> 00:16:41,050
[Cries]
450
00:16:41,051 --> 00:16:43,452
[Bangs tape dispenser]
I think I've heard enough.
451
00:16:43,453 --> 00:16:46,455
Professor Kane, may we have
a sidebar in your office?
452
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,627
I want a mistrial.
453
00:16:51,628 --> 00:16:53,429
Just give us a "C,"
give Todd a "C."
454
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,130
- Excuse me?
- What?
455
00:16:55,131 --> 00:16:58,067
Can we take a sidebar
in this sidebar?
456
00:16:58,068 --> 00:17:00,352
Jeff, we're about
to get our "A."
457
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,971
- Todd didn't do it.
- Um, he just confessed, dummy.
458
00:17:02,972 --> 00:17:04,940
He said the jar burned him?
459
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,075
It doesn't make any sense.
460
00:17:06,076 --> 00:17:07,743
People don't half-confess
to crimes.
461
00:17:07,744 --> 00:17:10,813
Look, when we started this,
you were after the truth.
462
00:17:10,814 --> 00:17:14,316
And then I convinced you
it was more important to win.
463
00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:16,252
Don't be like me.
464
00:17:16,253 --> 00:17:18,153
A man's got to have a code.
465
00:17:18,154 --> 00:17:21,507
I can only assume there is
a female equivalent to that.
466
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,592
- A "codette" or something.
- But...
467
00:17:23,593 --> 00:17:25,211
It's not worth getting an "A"
468
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:28,214
if an innocent man
might get an "F."
469
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,268
Okay, I heard
all of that and I accept.
470
00:17:32,269 --> 00:17:34,053
[Bangs tape dispenser]
471
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,138
All right.
472
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:39,859
After speaking to the wronged
parties, I've decided to...
473
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:42,394
Uh, if it pleases
the bio class,
474
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,896
I have closing arguments.
475
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,315
Of course you do.
476
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:51,954
Why was it so hard
for all of us to grow a yam?
477
00:17:51,955 --> 00:17:56,242
It's just a stupid yam
in a stupid jar.
478
00:17:56,243 --> 00:18:00,696
We're all fully-grown adults
failing a kindergarten project.
479
00:18:00,697 --> 00:18:02,531
- Can I object?
- I'll allow it.
480
00:18:02,532 --> 00:18:03,549
Sustained.
481
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:06,535
And all this time we assumed
our yam was targeted,
482
00:18:06,536 --> 00:18:09,755
that someone had stomped
its roots maliciously.
483
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,708
But what if...
what if our yam's roots
484
00:18:12,709 --> 00:18:15,544
were dead before
they hit the ground?
485
00:18:15,545 --> 00:18:17,263
[Splat]
486
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:18,597
- Hey, that's mine!
- Look at it.
487
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,932
Everyone look.
488
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,601
Smushed without
being stepped on.
489
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,819
[Splat]
490
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,321
Because it didn't
have to be stepped on.
491
00:18:25,322 --> 00:18:28,023
Because it was boiled.
[Splat]
492
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:32,611
Someone has been pouring boiling
water into our jars at night.
493
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,564
No one noticed because the water
cooled off by morning.
494
00:18:35,565 --> 00:18:39,285
Boiling water is the icicle
stabbing of yam killing.
495
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,203
[Solid thud]
496
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:42,621
[All gasp]
Ooh, but that didn't...
497
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,623
Hmm.
498
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,909
This yam isn't boiled.
499
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:48,043
Vicki?
500
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,296
I don't... I didn't
do it, I swear!
501
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,297
I boiled the yams.
[All gasp]
502
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:53,182
Vicki's yam never sprouted
503
00:18:53,183 --> 00:18:55,217
and I didn't want her to fail,
so I threw off the grading curve
504
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,635
so she wouldn't have
to go to summer school
505
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,755
and we can finally have
sex in my parents' cabin.
506
00:18:59,756 --> 00:19:01,056
God forgive me,
I did it for love!
507
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:04,927
- [Cries]
- Holy crap.
508
00:19:04,928 --> 00:19:08,230
We are definitely dissecting
pine cones next year.
509
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:11,600
Neil has agreed to retake
biology over the summer
510
00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:14,269
and his status as
keymaster has been revoked.
511
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:16,939
After all the politics
and procedure, in the end,
512
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:19,074
the case really
was about biology.
513
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,377
Told you it was
an important subject.
514
00:19:21,378 --> 00:19:23,712
[Phone rings]
515
00:19:23,713 --> 00:19:25,714
Hello?
516
00:19:30,554 --> 00:19:35,474
I understand.
517
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,426
Star-Burns got rear-ended
518
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:41,146
and the meth lab
in his trunk exploded.
519
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:43,148
He's dead.
520
00:19:57,038 --> 00:19:59,689
- Abed?
- Yeah?
521
00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:01,641
Why don't we have
bunk bed conversations?
522
00:20:01,642 --> 00:20:03,309
I don't know.
523
00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:05,411
We're best friends,
we share a bunk bed.
524
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,113
Seems like we should be
having them all the time.
525
00:20:07,114 --> 00:20:08,414
You start.
526
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:11,634
Okay. Why do you think
they call them "bunk beds"?
527
00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:13,403
Where's the word "bunk"
come from?
528
00:20:13,404 --> 00:20:14,437
I don't know.
529
00:20:14,438 --> 00:20:16,738
I think it comes
from the word "bunker."
530
00:20:16,739 --> 00:20:20,176
So when is your apartment
done being fumigated?
531
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,611
Oh, it was done
about a week ago.
532
00:20:21,612 --> 00:20:22,996
Then why are you still here?
533
00:20:22,997 --> 00:20:26,349
- I brought you some warm milk.
- Oh.
534
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,798
There you go.
535
00:20:27,799 --> 00:20:31,654
♪ Troy and Abed,
off to Dreamland ♪
536
00:20:31,655 --> 00:20:35,725
♪ catching the train
to Sleepytown ♪
537
00:20:35,726 --> 00:20:36,759
♪ and when they wake up ♪
538
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,661
♪ the Dean'll be here ♪
539
00:20:38,662 --> 00:20:41,297
♪ staring at you ♪
540
00:20:41,298 --> 00:20:43,116
Sweet deans.
[Giggles]
541
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:45,902
That's nice... I guess.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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