1 00:00:00,321 --> 00:00:03,019 So... cellular mitosis is what? 2 00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:04,236 I miss Troy. 3 00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,871 Wrong, and stop guessing that. 4 00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:07,373 Annie. I'm worried about Abed. 5 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:09,291 He hasn't left the apartment since Troy moved out. 6 00:00:09,292 --> 00:00:11,076 He won't even play in the Dreamatorium. 7 00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:12,211 Sorry, not "play." 8 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,512 "Render imaginated dreamscapes." 9 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,749 Guys, we just finished retaking biology all summer, 10 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,968 and if I don't pass this final, it was for nothing. 11 00:00:18,969 --> 00:00:20,352 Can we stay on target? 12 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,805 Did someone say "sexy construction worker"? 13 00:00:22,806 --> 00:00:24,356 - Ooh! - Stay... stay on target. 14 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,758 I'm dressed like this 15 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:29,228 because I'm building to big news. 16 00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:32,198 Subway has officially ended its agreement with Greendale, 17 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,033 and the restaurant I've chosen 18 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,787 to occupy the cafeteria kiosk is... 19 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:38,788 Shirley's Sandwiches! 20 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,875 I just need one of you to sign this 21 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,460 as the official owner of the business. 22 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,879 Ooh, we should both sign it, we're 50-50 partners. 23 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,380 But there's only one dotted line on the form, so... 24 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,416 - Oh, well, Pierce can... - Me. 25 00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:51,917 - Hey! - I paid for it. 26 00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:52,918 Well, there'd be no "it" to pay for 27 00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,170 if I hadn't done all the work. 28 00:00:54,171 --> 00:00:57,923 My goodness, this molehill is becoming a mountain. 29 00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,008 You guys work it out, 30 00:00:59,009 --> 00:01:00,926 while I put together an Alpine costume. 31 00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:03,145 I knew eventually you'd try to box me out 32 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,564 of my own business, just like Hawthorne Wipes did. 33 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,866 I'm not letting you guilt me 34 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,235 into letting you call yourself the owner of my company. 35 00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,937 Jeff! Hello? 36 00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,823 Get involved. No. 37 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,441 I am here to replace my fake bachelor's 38 00:01:16,442 --> 00:01:18,828 so I can get back to my life as a lawyer. 39 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,746 Nobody else is sacrificing their interests. 40 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:21,914 Don't ask me to sacrifice mine. 41 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,616 Don't ask me to sacrifice mine. 42 00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,919 That's you just now. 43 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:31,006 Okay, so name the stages of mitosis. 44 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,342 - Ooh, I gotta go. - Unbelievable. 45 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,261 Today is Abed's first therapy session. 46 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,595 His what? 47 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:37,980 He's been feeling extra vulnerable lately 48 00:01:37,981 --> 00:01:40,432 having lost Troy to the air conditioning repair school, 49 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,901 so he's finally gonna let me 50 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,136 practice my psych skills on him. 51 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,521 Give me some credit, Winger. 52 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,772 What's the worst that could happen? 53 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,040 Classic tee-up. 54 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,192 Shut up, Leonard, I know about your crooked wang. 55 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,495 No such thing as bad press. 56 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,702 Hey, Abed. 57 00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:06,992 This can't be good. 58 00:02:09,495 --> 00:02:12,765 ♪ Give me some rope tie me to dream ♪ 59 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:16,001 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 60 00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:19,338 ♪ somebody said it could be here ♪ 61 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:23,175 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 62 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:28,230 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 63 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:32,735 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 64 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,557 Sync and corrections by GuS 65 00:02:35,558 --> 00:02:40,192 There are those who ask, why connect the capillary tube 66 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,828 directly to the compressor valve? 67 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,463 Oh, sure, why not just attach it 68 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,165 to the moisture accumulator? 69 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,200 Hey, Troy. 70 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:51,036 We boring you? I miss my friends. 71 00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:54,139 - He misses his friends. - Aww. 72 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:55,674 Mr. Barnes... 73 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,311 Gather your things and come with me. 74 00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,313 Now! 75 00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:04,066 The sun chamber. A shameful relic 76 00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:06,385 from a savage chapter of our history. 77 00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,821 Repairmen would duel each other inside, 78 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:12,024 losers succumbing to heat exhaustion, or worse. 79 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:16,662 Troy, there is a prophesy. I miss Abed so much. 80 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:20,332 I'm ashamed to confess that I once thought 81 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:23,335 that this might be me. 82 00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,871 Now I realize that it's you. 83 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,840 You are the true repairman, Troy. 84 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:31,343 You fix not only air conditioners... 85 00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:32,962 but the men who fix them. 86 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:37,933 It's a trade school. It's a two-year degree 87 00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:40,352 in boxes that make rooms cold. 88 00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:43,088 Sir, there's been a flow duct rupture in quadrant four. 89 00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,256 I'll handle it. 90 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,308 This is your destiny, Mr. Barnes. 91 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:50,863 The true repairman will repair man. 92 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,269 Abed. 93 00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:59,271 I'm not talking to you because I'm not crazy. 94 00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:00,906 Think of it as inner dialogue. 95 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,275 I'm reading the novelization of Chronicles of Riddick. 96 00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,994 Can you honestly tell me that's a saner decision? 97 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,846 You're worried you'll go crazy without Troy. 98 00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:10,082 That's why you're gonna let Britta fix you, right? 99 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,383 Because you think you're broken, 100 00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,918 you're gonna get diagnosed by someone who said 101 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,753 her favorite superhero was "x-man"? 102 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,339 I'm a little scared. Things are bad. 103 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,590 When the world gets bad enough, Abed, 104 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:22,344 the good go crazy. But the smart... 105 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,064 They go bad. 106 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,333 Come on in here, let's talk about it. 107 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,734 I think it's safer if I talk to Britta. 108 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,635 I think it's even safer if I talk to her first. 109 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,573 Hello. 110 00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,575 Are you here to help me with biology, 111 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,027 or get me to help you? 112 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,996 - Bi-ol-o-gy. - Are you lying? 113 00:04:40,997 --> 00:04:43,549 Hard to break the word "yes" into lilting syllables, huh? 114 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,817 Ye-es? 115 00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,453 Look, Pierce and I are so close 116 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,754 to getting the sandwich shop going. 117 00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,205 I just need you to help... Look. 118 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,840 You want one piece of free advice? 119 00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:53,275 Let Pierce cool down. 120 00:04:53,276 --> 00:04:55,210 You know how crazy and paranoid he can get. 121 00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:58,130 A-ha! Crazy? Paranoid? Impotent? 122 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,299 - Cellular... - I knew you'd run to Jeff, 123 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,718 and turn him against me. Mitosis. 124 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,186 Guys, why are we yelling? 125 00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:06,505 You sign that paper, I'll sue. Well, hold on. 126 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,975 This will be settled in Greendale court, 3:00 P.M. 127 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,061 Obviously, Shirley has her counsel, 128 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,613 and I get to dress like a judge. 129 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:15,981 I was born in a courtroom, 130 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,801 sued it for my own placenta, and won. 131 00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:20,185 Now I'm calling my lawyer. 132 00:05:21,204 --> 00:05:26,208 My biology final is at 5:00. 133 00:05:26,209 --> 00:05:29,411 I'm available from 3:00 to 4:00. 134 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:31,530 I'll see you in court. 135 00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,999 Hello, Abed? Ready to get therapized? 136 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,252 Abed? 137 00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:46,361 Hello, Britta. 138 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,934 Come in. 139 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,486 What's going on? 140 00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:57,239 Vice Dean Laybourne was repairing a flow duct rupture, 141 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,274 and he inhaled a lethal dose of freon. 142 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:10,119 May his breeze join the wind. 143 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,591 Okay, so mitosis is when cells divide... 144 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,543 I wonder who Pierce is gonna get to represent him. 145 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,545 I promise, whoever Pierce brings 146 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,297 won't be prepared for me. That's the Winger guaran... 147 00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,849 Is that the cold-blooded former colleague 148 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,350 that got you fired from your old law firm 149 00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:26,935 by ratting on you to the state bar? 150 00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:27,936 Tee. 151 00:06:35,331 --> 00:06:37,481 You know, Alan working at your former firm and all? 152 00:06:37,482 --> 00:06:39,683 Hey, Pierce just did you the biggest favor of your life. 153 00:06:39,684 --> 00:06:42,102 He hired a guy I've spent the last two years fantasizing 154 00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:43,404 about stabbing in the... Sundance! 155 00:06:43,405 --> 00:06:45,155 - Tango! - Hey. 156 00:06:45,156 --> 00:06:49,043 So... The case of the sandwich signature. 157 00:06:49,044 --> 00:06:50,177 What are you doing here? 158 00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:51,462 I mean, me, I have to, but you? 159 00:06:51,463 --> 00:06:52,863 Hawthorne's a cash cow, 160 00:06:52,864 --> 00:06:55,616 and old a-con here is tugging at that teat. 161 00:06:55,617 --> 00:06:58,452 That's money. 162 00:06:58,453 --> 00:06:59,753 Money. 163 00:06:59,754 --> 00:07:01,238 Please stop that. 164 00:07:01,239 --> 00:07:04,792 So full disclosure. The firm would really like 165 00:07:04,793 --> 00:07:08,545 to keep vitamin "p" in its medicine chest. 166 00:07:08,546 --> 00:07:09,797 Full disclosure. 167 00:07:09,798 --> 00:07:11,248 I really want to be done by 4:00. 168 00:07:11,249 --> 00:07:13,250 Oh, that's the Jeff wing basket I remember loving. 169 00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:15,019 Hey, just go easy on Shirley. 170 00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,603 Scout's honor, Sinead O'Connor. 171 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:20,257 Oy-yay, oy-yay, the honorable Craig Pelton presiding. 172 00:07:20,258 --> 00:07:23,593 First off, there's one decision 173 00:07:23,594 --> 00:07:25,646 I'll need your help making. 174 00:07:25,647 --> 00:07:28,232 Judging Amy or Judge Judy? 175 00:07:28,233 --> 00:07:30,534 You say your name is Evil Abed, 176 00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:33,470 which does not throw me, because I'm a therapist. 177 00:07:33,471 --> 00:07:35,239 So let's talk about evil. 178 00:07:39,044 --> 00:07:41,879 You know what? Maybe I should talk to Good Abed instead. 179 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,164 Where I come from, his name is Lame Abed. 180 00:07:44,165 --> 00:07:46,650 - And you come from... - The darkest timeline. 181 00:07:46,651 --> 00:07:48,252 You might call it the Britta of timelines, 182 00:07:48,253 --> 00:07:49,420 where everything is the worst. 183 00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:51,288 Jeff has one arm there. Annie shot Pierce. 184 00:07:51,289 --> 00:07:53,390 Troy can't speak... Ah! 185 00:07:53,391 --> 00:07:56,393 Now we're getting somewhere. I think lame Abed sent you 186 00:07:56,394 --> 00:07:59,146 to talk because you're more equipped to deal with fear. 187 00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:01,582 That's the lame way of seeing it, yes. 188 00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:03,484 Here's the truth. 189 00:08:03,485 --> 00:08:05,202 I've crossed into your dark timeline, 190 00:08:05,203 --> 00:08:06,537 and now I'm going to darken it. 191 00:08:06,538 --> 00:08:07,738 How? 192 00:08:07,739 --> 00:08:09,423 Tell me about your parents, Britta. 193 00:08:09,424 --> 00:08:12,860 Um... No? 194 00:08:15,313 --> 00:08:16,864 Barnes, you should be in the chapel. 195 00:08:16,865 --> 00:08:18,482 We lost a great man today. 196 00:08:18,483 --> 00:08:19,917 Yeah, he was the best, wasn't he? 197 00:08:19,918 --> 00:08:21,535 That's why I don't understand 198 00:08:21,536 --> 00:08:24,555 how he could rupture a freon line. 199 00:08:24,556 --> 00:08:25,839 That's kind of a rookie mistake. 200 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,825 I'm sure it was just a faulty valve. 201 00:08:27,826 --> 00:08:29,009 My first order as vice Dean, 202 00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,210 I'm gonna have them all replaced. 203 00:08:30,211 --> 00:08:31,595 So you're vice Dean now? 204 00:08:31,596 --> 00:08:34,014 Why the sudden interest in air conditioning repair? 205 00:08:34,015 --> 00:08:35,082 I thought you missed your friends. 206 00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:36,934 - I do. - Then go be with them. 207 00:08:36,935 --> 00:08:37,935 I'm releasing you. 208 00:08:37,936 --> 00:08:40,637 - But you... - Goodbye, Troy. 209 00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:48,946 Miss Edison, do you recognize the baby in that picture? 210 00:08:48,947 --> 00:08:50,981 That's Shirley's baby Ben. 211 00:08:50,982 --> 00:08:54,034 Would you think less of Shirley Bennett 212 00:08:54,035 --> 00:08:57,654 if she offered to sell Ben on craigslist 213 00:08:57,655 --> 00:09:00,574 for a chance to bump it with Denzel? 214 00:09:00,575 --> 00:09:02,076 That was a joke for my cousin. 215 00:09:02,077 --> 00:09:04,027 Damn those Facebook privacy settings. 216 00:09:04,028 --> 00:09:05,712 Jeff, do something. He's got nothing. 217 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:06,964 I'm sure she didn't mean that. 218 00:09:06,965 --> 00:09:11,335 Or perhaps she doesn't even love that baby, 219 00:09:11,336 --> 00:09:15,089 because she spent most of last year not even knowing 220 00:09:15,090 --> 00:09:16,924 who the father is. Objection. 221 00:09:16,925 --> 00:09:18,375 Establishing character, your honor. 222 00:09:18,376 --> 00:09:20,377 This woman is clearly unfit to own a sandwich shop. 223 00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:21,979 Alan, come on. 224 00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:23,680 No furths. 225 00:09:27,652 --> 00:09:29,019 I thought you said you were gonna go easy. 226 00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:30,737 Felt easy to me. 227 00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:34,224 What was he wearing? 228 00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:35,993 He was dressed as a dinosaur. 229 00:09:35,994 --> 00:09:37,111 Is that why you dropped out of High School? 230 00:09:37,112 --> 00:09:38,112 I don't know. 231 00:09:38,113 --> 00:09:40,164 Are those even real glasses? No. 232 00:09:40,165 --> 00:09:41,999 Ah, do you feel that, Britta? 233 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,786 Your timeline's 10% darker now. This was 10%? 234 00:09:45,787 --> 00:09:48,188 Do you know what kind of person becomes a psychologist, Britta? 235 00:09:48,189 --> 00:09:49,739 A person that wishes, deep down, 236 00:09:49,740 --> 00:09:51,508 that everyone more special than them was sick, 237 00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:54,178 because "healthy" sounds so much more exciting than "boring." 238 00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,096 You're average, Britta Perry. 239 00:09:56,097 --> 00:09:57,097 You're every kid on the playground 240 00:09:57,098 --> 00:09:58,632 that didn't get picked on. 241 00:09:58,633 --> 00:09:59,933 You're a business casual potted plant, 242 00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:01,552 a human white sale. 243 00:10:01,553 --> 00:10:04,421 You're VH1, Robocop 2, and Back to the Future 3. 244 00:10:04,422 --> 00:10:06,390 You're the center slice of a square cheese pizza. 245 00:10:06,391 --> 00:10:07,741 Actually, that sounds delicious. 246 00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,810 I'm the center slice of a square cheese pizza. 247 00:10:09,811 --> 00:10:11,311 You're Jim Belushi. 248 00:10:11,312 --> 00:10:14,331 Ah. 249 00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,817 12% 250 00:10:16,818 --> 00:10:19,203 Where are you going? 251 00:10:19,204 --> 00:10:21,038 To make this timeline the darkest of all. 252 00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:23,307 Starting with your lame hero, Jeff Winger. 253 00:10:23,308 --> 00:10:25,192 I don't suppose lame Abed owns a bone saw. 254 00:10:43,094 --> 00:10:45,295 So, Pierce, you're seeking full ownership 255 00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,597 of Shirley's Sandwiches. 256 00:10:46,598 --> 00:10:50,350 After all, you did provide 100% of the financing. 257 00:10:50,351 --> 00:10:51,351 Correct. 258 00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:54,238 You really did? Oh, damn it. 259 00:10:54,239 --> 00:10:56,356 Jeez, I came to this thing unprepared. 260 00:10:56,357 --> 00:11:00,143 I mean, I-I guess it's my job to somehow tarnish you 261 00:11:00,144 --> 00:11:01,978 in the eyes of the court, but, uh... 262 00:11:01,979 --> 00:11:04,781 Let me check my notes. Take your time. 263 00:11:04,782 --> 00:11:06,483 Thanks. 264 00:11:06,484 --> 00:11:09,486 Hey, uh, while I'm doing this... 265 00:11:09,487 --> 00:11:11,488 Does anybody know any funny jokes? 266 00:11:11,489 --> 00:11:12,706 I do. 267 00:11:12,707 --> 00:11:16,944 An Irish and a Jew walk into a Chinese laundry... 268 00:11:16,945 --> 00:11:17,978 With a gay duck. 269 00:11:18,997 --> 00:11:20,547 - All right, okay! - Oh, right! 270 00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:22,549 So you're telling me they're not good at basketball? 271 00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:24,051 I have no questions, your honor. 272 00:11:36,447 --> 00:11:38,148 Cruel. Cruel, cruel, cruel. 273 00:11:38,149 --> 00:11:39,816 In the name of the five winds... 274 00:11:39,817 --> 00:11:42,819 East, West, North, 275 00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:45,122 the one we keep secret, and South, 276 00:11:45,123 --> 00:11:47,658 I hereby proclaim you... 277 00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:49,076 This ceremony is a lie. 278 00:11:49,077 --> 00:11:50,627 And having a special room for it 279 00:11:50,628 --> 00:11:52,379 is a waste of valuable floor space. 280 00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:54,381 You are no longer a student here. 281 00:11:54,382 --> 00:11:57,217 And we use this room for yoga on weekends. 282 00:11:57,218 --> 00:12:00,003 Remove him. I am the truest repairman. 283 00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:03,640 And this man is a dishonor 284 00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:04,925 to making air conditioners work good. 285 00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:06,510 And I have the right to challenge him... 286 00:12:06,511 --> 00:12:10,063 In the sun chamber. 287 00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:12,449 Holy crap. 288 00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:14,851 Your less than honor, can I call a recess? 289 00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:16,553 Ooh, yay, costume change. 290 00:12:16,554 --> 00:12:18,188 Court briefly adjourned. 291 00:12:18,189 --> 00:12:20,691 What are you trying to do, Winger? 292 00:12:20,692 --> 00:12:22,943 Zealously represent your client? 293 00:12:22,944 --> 00:12:26,113 Let me make things a little easier for you. 294 00:12:26,114 --> 00:12:27,998 Figure out a way to throw this case, 295 00:12:27,999 --> 00:12:29,950 or figure out where you're gonna work 296 00:12:29,951 --> 00:12:31,735 when you get out of here, because I don't know 297 00:12:31,736 --> 00:12:33,370 where it's gonna be if it's not for us. 298 00:12:33,371 --> 00:12:35,372 That's right, Jeff. I went there. 299 00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:39,009 You drove me there. Miss Daisy's in the house, 300 00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,094 thanks for the ride, sorry about slavery. 301 00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:42,296 Don't oversell your clout, Alan. 302 00:12:42,297 --> 00:12:44,047 You're partner because I sold you to Ted. 303 00:12:44,048 --> 00:12:46,016 Ted respects me... Ted's gone. 304 00:12:46,017 --> 00:12:49,252 He got too old, couldn't swim with the sharks, and got eaten. 305 00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:50,920 That makes no sense. He started the firm. 306 00:12:50,921 --> 00:12:52,939 You can't lose your own firm. You can if you're dead. 307 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,442 That shark thing was not a metaphor. 308 00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:56,610 I'm the big dog now. 309 00:12:56,611 --> 00:12:59,763 So you want the last three years 310 00:12:59,764 --> 00:13:02,149 in this toilet to have a point? 311 00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:04,484 Then I'm the guy you got to make happy. 312 00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:06,286 Or, you know, you could finish up your big win here. 313 00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:07,988 Court is in session. 314 00:13:07,989 --> 00:13:12,242 Blind Justice presiding... aah! Oh, my God! 315 00:13:12,243 --> 00:13:15,662 Ahh! Oh, one more recess. 316 00:13:15,663 --> 00:13:18,114 I hit the corner right on a fresh tattoo. 317 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:19,840 Well boys and girls... 318 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:25,260 I hope you brought your popsicles, 319 00:13:25,261 --> 00:13:29,931 because it's about to get scalding hot 320 00:13:29,932 --> 00:13:32,500 in the sun chamber. 321 00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:35,770 You already know the rules... 322 00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:38,890 Because there aren't any! 323 00:13:38,891 --> 00:13:42,060 Jeez, Dennis, are you on coke? 324 00:13:42,061 --> 00:13:43,945 Take that crap off and sit down. 325 00:13:45,864 --> 00:13:48,900 Sorry about that. Of course there are rules. 326 00:13:48,901 --> 00:13:50,952 Two men are sealed in the chamber, 327 00:13:50,953 --> 00:13:52,520 each with a broken unit. 328 00:13:52,521 --> 00:13:54,855 The heat will increase until one man yields... 329 00:13:54,856 --> 00:13:55,856 or dies. 330 00:13:55,857 --> 00:13:58,493 Begin! 331 00:14:09,321 --> 00:14:12,056 You're just in time for Jeff's closing statements. 332 00:14:12,057 --> 00:14:14,042 Who cares? Everything is terrible. 333 00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:16,544 Oh, no. Have you been watching Dance Moms again? 334 00:14:16,545 --> 00:14:18,096 I'm thinking of dyeing my hair. 335 00:14:20,716 --> 00:14:21,983 Evil Abed, what are you doing? 336 00:14:21,984 --> 00:14:23,217 I'm going to cut off Jeff Winger's arm. 337 00:14:23,218 --> 00:14:24,435 I won't let you. That's horrible. 338 00:14:24,436 --> 00:14:27,822 Don't you mean dark? Welcome to my world. 339 00:14:34,163 --> 00:14:36,447 Psst! Jeff! Winger! 340 00:14:40,703 --> 00:14:42,670 Jeffrey, this is a... a terrible situation 341 00:14:42,671 --> 00:14:44,038 for me to have put you in. 342 00:14:44,039 --> 00:14:46,741 A guy like Alan isn't above making trouble for you 343 00:14:46,742 --> 00:14:48,676 at your old firm. Shirley, I... 344 00:14:48,677 --> 00:14:51,179 It's not worth your career. 345 00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:52,714 I want you to have what you want. 346 00:14:52,715 --> 00:14:56,985 - Thank you, Shirley. - Settle down. 347 00:14:56,986 --> 00:14:59,687 Okay, Jeffrey, let's have your closing statement. 348 00:15:31,503 --> 00:15:33,037 Your honor... 349 00:15:33,038 --> 00:15:35,640 I have no closing statement, because I'm throwing the case. 350 00:15:35,641 --> 00:15:37,392 No, no, it's okay. 351 00:15:37,393 --> 00:15:38,760 It's fine, don't worry. 352 00:15:38,761 --> 00:15:41,312 My client, Shirley Bennett, my friend of three years, 353 00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:42,897 she told me that it was okay. 354 00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:46,984 She said what I want was more important. 355 00:15:46,985 --> 00:15:49,887 She's right, right? 356 00:15:49,888 --> 00:15:51,706 I mean, guys like me, 357 00:15:51,707 --> 00:15:53,324 we'll tell you there's no right or wrong. 358 00:15:53,325 --> 00:15:55,610 There's no real truth. 359 00:15:56,612 --> 00:15:57,695 I'll kill you. 360 00:15:57,696 --> 00:16:00,498 I'll kill you just like I killed him. 361 00:16:00,499 --> 00:16:03,367 And as long as we all believe that, 362 00:16:03,368 --> 00:16:05,620 guys like me can never lose. 363 00:16:05,621 --> 00:16:07,371 Was that out loud? 364 00:16:07,372 --> 00:16:09,874 Because the truth is... 365 00:16:09,875 --> 00:16:13,044 I'm lying when I say there is no truth. 366 00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:17,265 The truth is... the pathetically, stupidly, 367 00:16:17,266 --> 00:16:20,935 inconveniently obvious truth is... 368 00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:25,690 Helping only ourselves is bad, and helping each other is good. 369 00:16:25,691 --> 00:16:29,060 Now I just wanted to get out of here, 370 00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:31,145 pass biology, and be a lawyer again 371 00:16:31,146 --> 00:16:32,447 instead of helping Shirley. 372 00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:33,648 That was bad. 373 00:16:33,649 --> 00:16:35,233 And my former colleague 374 00:16:35,234 --> 00:16:38,736 wanted so badly to keep his rich client 375 00:16:38,737 --> 00:16:41,038 that he just asked me to roll over 376 00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:42,657 in exchange for my old job. 377 00:16:44,159 --> 00:16:47,445 So I guess we all walked in here pretty bad. 378 00:16:47,446 --> 00:16:49,964 But now... 379 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,799 Shirley's gone good. 380 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:52,950 Shirley's helping me. 381 00:16:52,951 --> 00:16:54,719 It's that easy. 382 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,089 You just stop thinking about what's good for you, 383 00:16:58,090 --> 00:17:01,142 and start thinking about what's good for someone else. 384 00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:12,653 And you can change the whole game 385 00:17:12,654 --> 00:17:14,272 with one move. 386 00:17:19,528 --> 00:17:23,164 Now if you like this idea, you can make it true 387 00:17:23,165 --> 00:17:26,167 by doing something good for everyone here. 388 00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:29,954 Throw this case out of court. It's dumb. 389 00:17:29,955 --> 00:17:32,406 That is all. 390 00:17:32,407 --> 00:17:34,509 I withdraw my case. 391 00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:36,093 Why didn't you just do some 392 00:17:36,094 --> 00:17:37,795 inspirational speech about friendship? 393 00:17:37,796 --> 00:17:39,847 You're fired. 394 00:17:46,188 --> 00:17:48,523 Way to go, soft serve. You're finished. 395 00:17:48,524 --> 00:17:51,425 By the way, never got a chance to tell you this, 396 00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:53,528 but it was me who turned you in to the state bar. 397 00:17:53,529 --> 00:17:55,229 I know. 398 00:17:56,431 --> 00:17:57,932 And I never got a chance to thank you. 399 00:17:57,933 --> 00:18:00,284 This place has made you so gay. 400 00:18:00,285 --> 00:18:03,704 Hey! Don't use "gay" as a derogatory term. 401 00:18:03,705 --> 00:18:04,939 Booyah, good person. 402 00:18:07,609 --> 00:18:09,043 Gentlemen, take this man 403 00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,546 to the infinite labyrinth of eternal ice. 404 00:18:11,547 --> 00:18:13,297 - Yes! - No! 405 00:18:13,298 --> 00:18:16,868 No, take him to the police. 406 00:18:16,869 --> 00:18:20,304 He murdered someone. Take him to jail. 407 00:18:20,305 --> 00:18:22,306 You guys are weird. 408 00:18:22,307 --> 00:18:24,058 Jeff, that was great. 409 00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,810 You were like a white Blair Underwood. 410 00:18:25,811 --> 00:18:26,978 Shirley, if you're willing, I think 411 00:18:26,979 --> 00:18:28,679 we should let Jeff sign the sandwich shop form. 412 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,680 Yeah, you could represent both of us. 413 00:18:29,681 --> 00:18:30,965 You know, like our attorney. 414 00:18:30,966 --> 00:18:34,101 My God, Pierce! You had your first good idea. 415 00:18:34,102 --> 00:18:36,971 - Thank you. - Britta, I'm so sorry. 416 00:18:36,972 --> 00:18:38,439 It doesn't matter, Abed. 417 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,274 I should've never played therapist with you. 418 00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:42,142 I'll change my major just one more time. 419 00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:43,578 But you can't. You cured me. 420 00:18:43,579 --> 00:18:44,829 I mean, I'm not cured. I'm willing to admit 421 00:18:44,830 --> 00:18:46,314 I definitely need therapy. 422 00:18:46,315 --> 00:18:48,032 You're the only kind of shrink I could ever trust. 423 00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:49,867 The kind with as little control over my mind as me. 424 00:18:52,621 --> 00:18:53,704 Mind if I cut in? 425 00:18:53,705 --> 00:18:57,258 Troy! 426 00:18:57,259 --> 00:18:58,292 You're back. 427 00:18:58,293 --> 00:19:00,878 Yeah, I made a new rule 428 00:19:00,879 --> 00:19:02,162 that the air conditioning repair school 429 00:19:02,163 --> 00:19:03,764 has to act like a regular school. 430 00:19:03,765 --> 00:19:05,383 I can do that because I'm their messiah. 431 00:19:05,384 --> 00:19:07,802 Cool. I went crazy and I wanted to cut off Jeff's arm. 432 00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:09,887 I missed you so much, buddy. 433 00:19:14,309 --> 00:19:16,227 So, Jeff, we still best friends? 434 00:19:20,015 --> 00:19:23,517 All right. 435 00:19:23,518 --> 00:19:26,687 Cellular mitosis. What is it? 436 00:19:26,688 --> 00:19:29,040 ♪ Give me some rope ♪ 437 00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:30,741 ♪ tie me to dream ♪ 438 00:19:30,742 --> 00:19:32,209 ♪ give me the hope ♪ 439 00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:33,961 ♪ to run out of steam ♪ 440 00:19:33,962 --> 00:19:35,579 ♪ somebody said ♪ 441 00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:37,364 ♪ it could be here ♪ 442 00:19:37,365 --> 00:19:41,201 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 443 00:19:41,202 --> 00:19:47,925 ♪ but I love you more than words can say ♪ 444 00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:54,598 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 445 00:19:54,599 --> 00:20:00,304 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 446 00:20:00,305 --> 00:20:03,658 ♪ I'm tired of the wait and sees ♪ 447 00:20:03,659 --> 00:20:07,061 ♪ I'm tired of that part of me ♪ 448 00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:10,230 ♪ that makes up a perfect lie ♪ 449 00:20:10,231 --> 00:20:13,668 ♪ to keep us between ♪ 450 00:20:13,669 --> 00:20:16,620 ♪ but hours turn into days ♪ 451 00:20:16,621 --> 00:20:20,207 ♪ so watch what you throw away ♪ 452 00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:23,928 ♪ and be here to recognize ♪ 453 00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:26,213 ♪ there's another way ♪ 454 00:20:36,074 --> 00:20:38,058 Hello, everybody. I'm Leonard. 455 00:20:38,059 --> 00:20:42,178 And I'm here today to review Let's Potato Chips. 456 00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:44,964 $1.79 at Kroger's. 457 00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:46,566 Ah. 458 00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:48,101 Get this sucker open... 459 00:20:48,102 --> 00:20:49,986 Ah, there we are. 460 00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:52,822 Now, I've already had some of these, 461 00:20:52,823 --> 00:20:55,525 but let's see. 462 00:20:55,526 --> 00:20:58,745 Mmm! Crispy. Mm-hmm. 463 00:20:58,746 --> 00:21:00,330 Salty, not too greasy. 464 00:21:01,799 --> 00:21:04,367 That one's shaped like a duck. 465 00:21:04,368 --> 00:21:07,871 Well, I guess that's definitely a buy. 466 00:21:07,872 --> 00:21:09,506 That's it. 467 00:21:09,507 --> 00:21:13,686 Let's Potato Chips are good, and they're a buy. 468 00:21:13,687 --> 00:21:16,394 ♪ I'm as high as hell, you're about to get shot ♪ 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net