1 00:00:02,861 --> 00:00:05,113 Well... See you after the break. 2 00:00:05,114 --> 00:00:06,702 What are you all doing for Thanksgiving? 3 00:00:06,703 --> 00:00:08,137 I'm having Andre's whole family over, 4 00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:09,572 though he'll be stuck working at the stereo store 5 00:00:09,573 --> 00:00:10,640 for Black Friday. 6 00:00:10,641 --> 00:00:12,391 Oh, sure, you get to say that, 7 00:00:12,392 --> 00:00:14,927 but we're stuck calling it "Jew Friday." 8 00:00:14,928 --> 00:00:18,430 Ugh, I'll be with my family, fielding the same old questions. 9 00:00:18,431 --> 00:00:19,615 "How's community college?" 10 00:00:19,616 --> 00:00:20,600 "What's your major?" 11 00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:21,584 "Are those real?" 12 00:00:21,585 --> 00:00:22,718 My aunt's boyfriend. 13 00:00:22,719 --> 00:00:24,804 "Oh, my family's a normal religion, 14 00:00:24,805 --> 00:00:26,372 "so I have to talk to them for five minutes 15 00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:29,191 before I get a casserole that's all marshmallow." 16 00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:30,176 That's you. 17 00:00:30,177 --> 00:00:31,377 Brainstorm. 18 00:00:31,378 --> 00:00:32,995 Why don't you all come over to my house? 19 00:00:32,996 --> 00:00:34,130 I'll have plenty of food. 20 00:00:34,131 --> 00:00:35,097 - That would be great. - Marshmallows. 21 00:00:35,098 --> 00:00:36,365 Sounds good to me. 22 00:00:36,366 --> 00:00:37,400 I was going to microwave buttered noodles, 23 00:00:37,401 --> 00:00:38,634 but this sounds equally promising. 24 00:00:38,635 --> 00:00:39,952 I'm in. Oh, goody. 25 00:00:39,953 --> 00:00:41,537 Well, you know, you're all welcome, of course. 26 00:00:41,538 --> 00:00:43,339 - I'm in. - Or, you know, Jeff or whoever. 27 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:44,440 Can't. Plans. 28 00:00:44,441 --> 00:00:45,775 Well, if you change your mind, 29 00:00:45,776 --> 00:00:47,526 I can't think of anyone who would enjoy having you more. 30 00:00:47,527 --> 00:00:49,996 How-Dean, pilgrims. 31 00:00:49,997 --> 00:00:51,564 - Is that... - John Wayne, yes. 32 00:00:51,565 --> 00:00:52,798 Oh, good, you got it. 33 00:00:52,799 --> 00:00:56,586 Anyhoo, I just thought I'd mosey on over here, 34 00:00:56,587 --> 00:00:59,171 invite you all to Greendale's annual 35 00:00:59,172 --> 00:01:01,824 Thanks-living potluck dinner, 36 00:01:01,825 --> 00:01:04,860 where we remember all we have to be thankful for. 37 00:01:04,861 --> 00:01:06,195 There may be a statistical link 38 00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,514 to enrollment at Greendale and holiday suicide. 39 00:01:08,515 --> 00:01:10,132 - Oh. - Just a shoelace... 40 00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:12,551 and belt-free night full of fun. 41 00:01:12,552 --> 00:01:14,453 You should all drop by. 42 00:01:14,454 --> 00:01:15,588 Or Jeff. Or whoever. 43 00:01:15,589 --> 00:01:16,672 Oh, he can't. He has plans. 44 00:01:16,673 --> 00:01:18,024 Oh, right, 45 00:01:18,025 --> 00:01:19,191 you are spending Thanksgiving with your father. 46 00:01:20,510 --> 00:01:23,012 I thought I told you to stop reading my email. 47 00:01:23,013 --> 00:01:25,765 Yeah, well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets. 48 00:01:25,766 --> 00:01:26,932 How am I supposed to keep track 49 00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:28,434 of what you tell me in confidence 50 00:01:28,435 --> 00:01:29,719 and what I hear through your walls 51 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:30,819 with a glass to my ear? 52 00:01:34,023 --> 00:01:36,058 Fine. Close your mouths. 53 00:01:36,059 --> 00:01:38,227 I'm having Thanksgiving with my estranged father. 54 00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:39,195 Can we move on now? 55 00:01:39,196 --> 00:01:40,379 Makes sense. 56 00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:41,731 Jeff's at a point in his life 57 00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:43,633 where he needs a strong father figure to come out to. 58 00:01:43,634 --> 00:01:45,868 Jeff, this is huge news. 59 00:01:45,869 --> 00:01:47,353 Huger news. 60 00:01:47,354 --> 00:01:50,022 Was this decision made after our Halloween conversation? 61 00:01:50,023 --> 00:01:52,858 Yes, after. Not because of. 62 00:01:52,859 --> 00:01:55,027 I'll take it. 63 00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,731 You had that teed up? 64 00:01:58,732 --> 00:02:00,616 When I say "thera," you say "pist." 65 00:02:00,617 --> 00:02:01,617 Thera... 66 00:02:01,618 --> 00:02:02,585 - pist. - Thera... 67 00:02:03,587 --> 00:02:04,637 Thanks for the support, guys. 68 00:02:04,638 --> 00:02:07,523 Oh, the support has just begun. 69 00:02:07,524 --> 00:02:09,258 What do you want me to bring to papa Winger's house, 70 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:11,410 some vegan pumpkin pie? 71 00:02:11,411 --> 00:02:12,778 Britta, you're not coming. 72 00:02:12,779 --> 00:02:15,014 Fine, regular pumpkin pie. 73 00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:16,215 Jeff, you're going to need me 74 00:02:16,216 --> 00:02:17,950 when things get messy and emotional. 75 00:02:17,951 --> 00:02:19,318 The only thing that's going to get messy and emotional 76 00:02:19,319 --> 00:02:21,203 is Troy, when he realizes there are yams 77 00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:22,388 underneath those marshmallows. 78 00:02:22,389 --> 00:02:24,390 I knew it was too good to be true. 79 00:02:24,391 --> 00:02:26,976 Jeff, speaking not just as your friend 80 00:02:26,977 --> 00:02:29,512 but as an avid daytime TV watcher, 81 00:02:29,513 --> 00:02:33,616 these parent-child reunions can get intense. 82 00:02:33,617 --> 00:02:35,234 Chairs might be thrown. 83 00:02:35,235 --> 00:02:36,652 Weaves might be pulled. 84 00:02:36,653 --> 00:02:37,937 Or I could just go in there, 85 00:02:37,938 --> 00:02:40,106 show him how awesome I am, no thanks to him, 86 00:02:40,107 --> 00:02:41,057 meet my half-brother... 87 00:02:42,025 --> 00:02:43,909 And then, boom. Closure. 88 00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:45,628 Your dad has another son? 89 00:02:45,629 --> 00:02:47,063 Yeah. So, clearly, he's moved on. 90 00:02:47,064 --> 00:02:48,964 Why can't I? Close your mouths. 91 00:02:48,965 --> 00:02:50,566 Look, I appreciate your concern, 92 00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:52,918 but really, the most helpful thing you can do 93 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:54,286 is stay out of my business. 94 00:02:54,287 --> 00:02:56,205 Oh, can you say that last part again? 95 00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:58,257 These walls are entirely too thick. 96 00:02:58,258 --> 00:03:00,459 ♪ Give me some rope 97 00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:02,178 ♪ tie me to dream 98 00:03:02,179 --> 00:03:03,495 ♪ give me the hope 99 00:03:03,496 --> 00:03:05,331 ♪ to run out of steam 100 00:03:05,332 --> 00:03:08,634 ♪ somebody said it can be here ♪ 101 00:03:08,635 --> 00:03:10,352 ♪ we could be roped up 102 00:03:10,353 --> 00:03:12,688 ♪ tied up, dead in a year ♪ 103 00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:17,810 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 104 00:03:17,811 --> 00:03:21,847 ♪ one by one, they all just fade away ♪ 105 00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:24,115 Sync and corrected by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 106 00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:50,126 Oh! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. 107 00:03:50,127 --> 00:03:51,210 - Hey. - Hi. 108 00:03:51,211 --> 00:03:53,279 Let's carve that jive turkey! 109 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,915 - Got that out of your system? - Yeah. 110 00:03:55,916 --> 00:03:57,333 Then I'm so happy to welcome you all to my home. 111 00:03:57,334 --> 00:04:00,553 - Oh, thank you. - Hello, come in. 112 00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:02,754 Take your coats off. Make yourself comfortable. 113 00:04:02,755 --> 00:04:04,306 Browse the available literature 114 00:04:04,307 --> 00:04:05,775 about Jesus Christ as your personal savior. 115 00:04:05,776 --> 00:04:07,960 Or not. No agenda. 116 00:04:07,961 --> 00:04:09,929 Are you going to pass some apps soon, 117 00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:12,164 or do I have to die of starvation to prove a point? 118 00:04:12,165 --> 00:04:13,315 Oh, everybody, 119 00:04:13,316 --> 00:04:14,617 this is Mr. Bennett, my father-in-law. 120 00:04:14,618 --> 00:04:16,268 Dad, these are my friends from college. 121 00:04:17,487 --> 00:04:19,705 Oh, yeah. That's Andre's people. 122 00:04:19,706 --> 00:04:20,806 They're a bunch of characters. 123 00:04:20,807 --> 00:04:22,341 That's a good one, dad. 124 00:04:22,342 --> 00:04:24,760 - Oh, I brought something. - Oh. 125 00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:26,078 Dip. 126 00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:29,331 Oh, Abed, why is this seven layer dip so puffy? 127 00:04:29,332 --> 00:04:30,866 Oh, it's been in the fridge for two years. 128 00:04:30,867 --> 00:04:32,768 I was saving it for a special occasion. 129 00:04:32,769 --> 00:04:34,186 Oh, that's so thoughtful. 130 00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:35,554 I'm going to put this on a nice platter 131 00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:36,872 with some crackers in the trash. 132 00:04:36,873 --> 00:04:37,840 Where's Britta? 133 00:04:37,841 --> 00:04:40,009 Hey, Jeff. What's up? 134 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:41,927 What's up is closure. 135 00:04:41,928 --> 00:04:44,513 I met my dad, we talked things out as men. 136 00:04:44,514 --> 00:04:45,748 I think I'm ready to move on. 137 00:04:45,749 --> 00:04:47,032 Really, in 20 minutes? 138 00:04:47,033 --> 00:04:51,787 Fine. Look, I couldn't do it. 139 00:04:51,788 --> 00:04:53,889 I was at the front door, totally in control, 140 00:04:53,890 --> 00:04:55,774 and then I started thinking about all that stuff you said 141 00:04:55,775 --> 00:04:59,595 about messiness, and it threw me off my game. 142 00:04:59,596 --> 00:05:01,096 You know, the irony is, 143 00:05:01,097 --> 00:05:03,566 after all your pestering that I deal with my daddy issues, 144 00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:06,018 you're the reason I'm not meeting my father. 145 00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:08,921 Or maybe I'm the reason you'll come here after all. 146 00:05:08,922 --> 00:05:10,039 Britta, I... 147 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,892 Wait. What do you mean by "here"? 148 00:05:12,893 --> 00:05:14,493 Your dad's house, 149 00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:19,131 where I kind of, sort of, am. 150 00:05:19,132 --> 00:05:20,249 Yeah, thanks, Sharon. 151 00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,800 I never thought about it that way. 152 00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:23,419 Batman is sort of gay. 153 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:24,854 Be right back. 154 00:05:24,855 --> 00:05:27,356 What is going on? 155 00:05:27,357 --> 00:05:29,024 Why is Thanksgiving so terrible? 156 00:05:29,025 --> 00:05:30,442 I know. 157 00:05:30,443 --> 00:05:33,629 The tension, the backbiting, the judgmental comments. 158 00:05:33,630 --> 00:05:36,248 This makes Thanksgiving with my family look... 159 00:05:36,249 --> 00:05:37,616 eh, still pretty bad. 160 00:05:37,617 --> 00:05:39,635 I said Batman was gay. 161 00:05:39,636 --> 00:05:41,770 Ugh. Sheesh. 162 00:05:41,771 --> 00:05:44,406 You ask one lady if she's Tyler Perry in drag, 163 00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:45,841 and suddenly, you're the bad guy. 164 00:05:45,842 --> 00:05:48,177 It's a reference. That's my humor. 165 00:05:48,178 --> 00:05:49,778 Abed gets it. 166 00:05:49,779 --> 00:05:51,447 Oh, you're all hiding out in here. 167 00:05:51,448 --> 00:05:54,366 - We're not hiding. - You know us, hide away. 168 00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:55,651 Well, be careful. 169 00:05:55,652 --> 00:05:56,952 You might be giving the impression 170 00:05:56,953 --> 00:05:58,671 that you prefer the cold garage 171 00:05:58,672 --> 00:06:01,023 to the warm heart of my hospitality. 172 00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:03,175 What? As if. 173 00:06:03,176 --> 00:06:04,142 Yay. 174 00:06:04,143 --> 00:06:05,327 Uh-huh. Okay. 175 00:06:05,328 --> 00:06:08,347 Well, hurry back soon. 176 00:06:08,348 --> 00:06:09,899 This is the Jonestown of dinners. 177 00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:11,216 I feel like I'm in jail. 178 00:06:11,217 --> 00:06:13,469 And you know what happens to guys like me in jail. 179 00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:14,703 They get really into push-ups, 180 00:06:14,704 --> 00:06:19,541 and I am fine with my upper body the way it is! 181 00:06:19,542 --> 00:06:21,010 It did feel like a prison, 182 00:06:21,011 --> 00:06:23,929 and that meant only one thing made sense, conceptually. 183 00:06:23,930 --> 00:06:25,247 We had to break out. 184 00:06:25,248 --> 00:06:26,949 And someone with the gravitas of Morgan Freeman 185 00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:28,900 had to narrate it. 186 00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:30,168 We need to do a prison break. 187 00:06:35,674 --> 00:06:37,109 Happy Thanksgiving? 188 00:06:37,110 --> 00:06:38,811 You really "you'd" this one, huh? 189 00:06:38,812 --> 00:06:41,179 Okay, yes, I meddled against your wishes, 190 00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:43,181 and yes, I got this address from the Dean, 191 00:06:43,182 --> 00:06:44,182 but hey. 192 00:06:44,183 --> 00:06:45,284 You had a moment of doubt, 193 00:06:45,285 --> 00:06:46,852 and here I am to help you through it. 194 00:06:46,853 --> 00:06:49,187 Psychology tells us there are no accidents. 195 00:06:49,188 --> 00:06:50,322 Oh, really? 196 00:06:50,323 --> 00:06:51,407 What about car accidents, Tara Reid, 197 00:06:51,408 --> 00:06:53,025 or the Hindenburg? 198 00:06:53,026 --> 00:06:54,575 Here goes nothing. 199 00:06:59,131 --> 00:07:00,081 Hello, William. 200 00:07:05,048 --> 00:07:08,769 So, uh... how about we make a couple of ground rules? 201 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:11,227 Actually, that sounds good. Okay. No hugs. 202 00:07:11,228 --> 00:07:12,695 Wouldn't want one. No apologies. 203 00:07:12,696 --> 00:07:14,947 Wouldn't accept one. No calling you "dad." 204 00:07:14,948 --> 00:07:16,849 - No expectations. - No B.S. 205 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:17,850 - Drink? - Scotch. 206 00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:19,202 - 18? - Neat. 207 00:07:19,203 --> 00:07:20,570 I just want to acknowledge 208 00:07:20,571 --> 00:07:22,705 that there are a lot of emotions flowing right now, 209 00:07:22,706 --> 00:07:25,658 and you two are probably feeling a strong impulse 210 00:07:25,659 --> 00:07:26,993 to sleep with each other, 211 00:07:26,994 --> 00:07:29,712 and hey, that's normal. 212 00:07:29,713 --> 00:07:33,783 Wow. I'll get the drinks. 213 00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:36,452 So, how about that? No muss, no fuss. 214 00:07:36,453 --> 00:07:39,489 Jeff, I urge you not to run from the muss and fuss. 215 00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:41,109 Hi. 216 00:07:42,643 --> 00:07:43,676 Hi. 217 00:07:43,677 --> 00:07:45,161 You must be my half-brother. 218 00:07:45,162 --> 00:07:48,581 Oh, your hands are so much bigger than mine. 219 00:07:48,582 --> 00:07:50,416 Your nail beds are perfect. 220 00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:51,834 I can't do it. I can't. 221 00:07:51,835 --> 00:07:53,152 Oh, God. 222 00:07:53,153 --> 00:07:54,120 Oh, it's coming up. 223 00:07:54,121 --> 00:07:55,655 When I get upset, I vomit. 224 00:07:55,656 --> 00:07:58,107 Oh, I see you've met Willy Junior. 225 00:07:58,108 --> 00:08:01,127 You said he wasn't going to replace me. 226 00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:03,679 He's the Schwarzenegger. I'm the DeVito. 227 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,864 I get it. 228 00:08:06,116 --> 00:08:08,484 Okay, fellas, let's get right into it. 229 00:08:08,485 --> 00:08:12,472 I think the big question on everyone's mind is 230 00:08:12,473 --> 00:08:14,657 why don't I go help Willy Junior? 231 00:08:14,658 --> 00:08:15,991 Hmm? 232 00:08:18,377 --> 00:08:20,580 One thing was clear to me and the rest of the crew. 233 00:08:20,581 --> 00:08:23,149 Bennett lockup was not where we belonged. 234 00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:25,368 We belonged in the sun, with the wind in our hair, 235 00:08:25,369 --> 00:08:27,570 or maybe at a Bennigan's, enjoying a Turkey O'Toole. 236 00:08:27,571 --> 00:08:29,238 We should tunnel out. 237 00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:30,973 Abed, Shirley is our friend, 238 00:08:30,974 --> 00:08:32,225 and we're guests in her home. 239 00:08:32,226 --> 00:08:33,759 We need a plan that won't hurt her feelings, 240 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,328 or damage her property. 241 00:08:35,329 --> 00:08:37,797 Definitely don't look behind that poster, then. 242 00:08:37,798 --> 00:08:39,499 I could pretend to have a stroke. 243 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,317 Do a gibberish foreign language. 244 00:08:41,318 --> 00:08:44,837 What if I did a gibberish foreign language like Star Wars? 245 00:08:44,838 --> 00:08:46,656 You'd like that, I bet. Dick. 246 00:08:46,657 --> 00:08:49,425 Look, I'm sure we'll figure out a way out of here. 247 00:08:49,426 --> 00:08:52,695 What's important right now is that we stick together. 248 00:08:52,696 --> 00:08:54,830 - Yeah. - Oh, there you are. 249 00:08:54,831 --> 00:08:56,249 Who wants a pre-dinner snack? 250 00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,800 Oh! 251 00:08:57,801 --> 00:08:59,252 Oh, pumpkin, what's wrong? 252 00:08:59,253 --> 00:09:02,205 Oh, it's too embarrassing 253 00:09:02,206 --> 00:09:03,756 to talk about in front of the guys, 254 00:09:03,757 --> 00:09:04,974 know what I mean, girlfriend? 255 00:09:04,975 --> 00:09:06,108 Oh, sweetie. 256 00:09:06,109 --> 00:09:07,777 Do you have your monthly shame? 257 00:09:07,778 --> 00:09:10,062 Do you want to lie down in Elijah's room? 258 00:09:10,063 --> 00:09:12,064 Oh, I don't think that's going to cut it. 259 00:09:12,065 --> 00:09:13,933 I probably need to go home and call Dr. Collins. 260 00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:14,984 It's that bad. 261 00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:16,035 Oh, well, you know, 262 00:09:16,036 --> 00:09:17,820 my sister-in-law's a gynecologist, 263 00:09:17,821 --> 00:09:19,205 and she's right in the other room. 264 00:09:19,206 --> 00:09:21,574 There's no need to bother your doctor on a holiday. 265 00:09:21,575 --> 00:09:22,959 Go ahead. Mm-hmm. 266 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,627 I'd like to tell you Annie avoided. 267 00:09:24,628 --> 00:09:26,529 Shirley's doctor sister-in-law, 268 00:09:26,530 --> 00:09:27,880 but this ain't no fairy tale. 269 00:09:27,881 --> 00:09:29,782 This is Thanksgiving. 270 00:09:29,783 --> 00:09:32,752 Let's see, what else? 271 00:09:32,753 --> 00:09:35,671 You've got some diabetes, on my mother's side. 272 00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:36,622 Good to know. 273 00:09:36,623 --> 00:09:37,823 I like your hair. 274 00:09:37,824 --> 00:09:40,142 The presence of it, I mean. 275 00:09:40,143 --> 00:09:43,045 So I have a question, 276 00:09:43,046 --> 00:09:44,997 and it's been weighing on me pretty heavily. 277 00:09:44,998 --> 00:09:48,284 At your age, in the bedroom... 278 00:09:48,285 --> 00:09:50,970 Oh, yeah. It's all good. 279 00:09:50,971 --> 00:09:53,105 - Yeah? - Real good. 280 00:09:53,106 --> 00:09:55,808 Look at them. Bonding. 281 00:09:55,809 --> 00:09:58,394 Probably laughing 'cause I can't grow a beard. 282 00:09:58,395 --> 00:09:59,679 I have an idea. 283 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,597 Why don't we use these dinner rolls 284 00:10:01,598 --> 00:10:03,583 to do some "roll" play? 285 00:10:03,584 --> 00:10:05,718 I see what I did there. 286 00:10:05,719 --> 00:10:07,219 Okay. 287 00:10:07,220 --> 00:10:11,090 This roll, this is me. 288 00:10:11,091 --> 00:10:12,575 He's crying. 289 00:10:12,576 --> 00:10:14,944 Good. That's really good. 290 00:10:14,945 --> 00:10:17,413 So, uh, what do you do? 291 00:10:17,414 --> 00:10:20,066 I'm a lawyer who faked a bachelor's degree 292 00:10:20,067 --> 00:10:21,567 and practiced law for seven years 293 00:10:21,568 --> 00:10:22,568 before I got caught. 294 00:10:24,087 --> 00:10:25,421 I like your hustle. 295 00:10:25,422 --> 00:10:28,190 Reminds me of the summer I was Ralph Lauren 296 00:10:28,191 --> 00:10:29,225 out in St. tropez. 297 00:10:29,226 --> 00:10:32,127 '83, I'm on a boat with, uh... 298 00:10:32,128 --> 00:10:33,762 Damn it, Willy! 299 00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,665 - I'm expressing. - Knock it off. 300 00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:38,701 Why can't you just swallow it, like any normal person? 301 00:10:38,702 --> 00:10:41,687 Oh! Oh, right. Like your new son. 302 00:10:41,688 --> 00:10:44,140 Like mister... mister I've got my shirt... 303 00:10:44,141 --> 00:10:47,076 I don't know a lot of personal details about you yet. 304 00:10:47,077 --> 00:10:48,210 Well, my name's Jeff. 305 00:10:48,211 --> 00:10:51,113 Don't help me, mister helper guy. 306 00:10:51,114 --> 00:10:52,748 First mom dies, now this? 307 00:10:52,749 --> 00:10:54,583 Hey, she died 20 years ago, Willy. 308 00:10:54,584 --> 00:10:56,352 He keeps singing the same old song. 309 00:10:56,353 --> 00:10:58,688 Wow. She died on you. 310 00:10:58,689 --> 00:11:00,723 Here I thought you'd become father of the year, 311 00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:02,141 but you just got stuck. 312 00:11:02,142 --> 00:11:03,592 Yeah, well, look, I don't have to tell you 313 00:11:03,593 --> 00:11:05,678 I'm not a natural caretaker, 314 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:08,581 but with Willy, you know, I-I checked all the boxes, 315 00:11:08,582 --> 00:11:11,450 and he still turned out softer than wet cheese. 316 00:11:11,451 --> 00:11:13,285 I don't get it. 317 00:11:13,286 --> 00:11:15,304 He keeps saying he's going to move out next week, 318 00:11:15,305 --> 00:11:16,422 since '03. 319 00:11:16,423 --> 00:11:18,691 Oh, man, I couldn't wait to get out. 320 00:11:18,692 --> 00:11:20,126 I got my own place when I was 18. 321 00:11:20,127 --> 00:11:23,312 I was the same way. 322 00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:26,349 So who's ready to eat? 323 00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:28,817 Jeff, you care to carve the turkey? 324 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,336 I knew it! 325 00:11:30,337 --> 00:11:32,071 You love him more than me. 326 00:11:32,072 --> 00:11:34,290 I'll show you. I'll run away. 327 00:11:34,291 --> 00:11:37,276 Oh, please. Hey, be my guest. 328 00:11:37,277 --> 00:11:40,512 You run away, and I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight. 329 00:11:42,798 --> 00:11:45,234 Oh, now, I'm sorry you guys had to see that, 330 00:11:45,235 --> 00:11:46,986 but maybe you could shrink his head, 331 00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:49,004 since you're here for some reason. 332 00:11:49,005 --> 00:11:52,608 Yes. I can do this. 333 00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:54,827 Show me on the dinner roll where you're hurt! 334 00:11:54,828 --> 00:11:57,496 And that's how it went for the afternoon. 335 00:11:57,497 --> 00:12:00,449 This tag team turkey day became our routine. 336 00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:02,985 We endured the indignities as best we could. 337 00:12:02,986 --> 00:12:05,221 Cousins fighting, complaints about the food, 338 00:12:05,222 --> 00:12:07,490 listening to a nephew do Borat for a full hour. 339 00:12:07,491 --> 00:12:10,142 We figured out ways to steal away from time to time, 340 00:12:10,143 --> 00:12:13,095 saying we had to pee, had to get ice, 341 00:12:13,096 --> 00:12:14,797 had to do a jewish thing in the other room. 342 00:12:16,883 --> 00:12:20,603 I became known as the guy who could get you things 343 00:12:20,604 --> 00:12:24,340 piece of gum, playing cards, 344 00:12:24,341 --> 00:12:27,243 some novelty glasses I found in a box marked "crap." 345 00:12:27,244 --> 00:12:30,446 In those brief, tranquil moments, we felt human. 346 00:12:30,447 --> 00:12:31,914 We felt free. 347 00:12:31,915 --> 00:12:35,751 But sooner or later, our warden would come knocking. 348 00:12:35,752 --> 00:12:38,254 Mostly, we just waited for our time to be served, 349 00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:40,906 but some didn't take kindly to waiting. 350 00:12:40,907 --> 00:12:42,391 Some didn't have much time left. 351 00:12:42,392 --> 00:12:44,693 Enough. Amateur hour is over. 352 00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:47,296 I'm going in there, pretend to break a hip, 353 00:12:47,297 --> 00:12:51,716 and we'll be sipping Sambuca at skeepers in no time. 354 00:12:56,206 --> 00:12:57,907 Whoa. He tripped on the rug. 355 00:12:57,908 --> 00:12:59,592 Wait, now he's getting up. 356 00:12:59,593 --> 00:13:02,077 He's walking around dazed like he's got a head injury. 357 00:13:02,078 --> 00:13:03,813 Oh, groin into the corner of the table. 358 00:13:03,814 --> 00:13:05,147 This might actually work. 359 00:13:05,148 --> 00:13:06,115 Ow. 360 00:13:07,217 --> 00:13:09,401 Wait, wait, why are people laughing? 361 00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:14,240 Let's see, I need a broom, a rake, or two rakes... 362 00:13:14,241 --> 00:13:16,325 Pierce, you were supposed to pretend to injure yourself 363 00:13:16,326 --> 00:13:17,710 so we could leave. 364 00:13:17,711 --> 00:13:19,261 Leave? 365 00:13:19,262 --> 00:13:21,831 This is my showtime at the Apollo. 366 00:13:21,832 --> 00:13:23,365 I'm killing out there. 367 00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:28,003 Pierce was our last hope, or so we thought. 368 00:13:28,004 --> 00:13:31,941 It seemed Troy Barnes had a plan. 369 00:13:31,942 --> 00:13:33,108 What if we got sick? 370 00:13:33,109 --> 00:13:35,611 No. No more faking illnesses. 371 00:13:35,612 --> 00:13:40,081 Not fake sick. Real sick. 372 00:13:46,422 --> 00:13:50,376 And that's when I told my old firm to shove it. 373 00:13:50,377 --> 00:13:53,312 I've always been more of a free agent, anyway. 374 00:13:53,313 --> 00:13:55,614 Yeah, I can see that about you. 375 00:13:55,615 --> 00:13:58,000 You seem like a self-made man. 376 00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:00,436 Well, I kind of had to be. 377 00:14:00,437 --> 00:14:03,689 Look, if it's okay with you, I'd like to break a rule. 378 00:14:03,690 --> 00:14:05,140 I know we said "no mushy stuff," 379 00:14:05,141 --> 00:14:08,627 but for what it's worth, I'm proud of you. 380 00:14:08,628 --> 00:14:11,280 Wow. Thanks. 381 00:14:11,281 --> 00:14:13,632 Makes you think. 382 00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:15,084 Wait, what do you mean? 383 00:14:15,085 --> 00:14:18,070 Well, look, I mean, you've seen how Willy turned out. 384 00:14:18,071 --> 00:14:20,306 I mean, I haven't done that kid any favors. 385 00:14:20,307 --> 00:14:22,191 And so I look at you, 386 00:14:22,192 --> 00:14:25,427 so self-reliant and well-adjusted, 387 00:14:25,428 --> 00:14:27,813 and I think maybe I did something right. 388 00:14:27,814 --> 00:14:29,498 You did something right? 389 00:14:29,499 --> 00:14:33,285 Well, let me say that different. 390 00:14:33,286 --> 00:14:35,070 Uh, the universe is a constantly expanding... 391 00:14:35,071 --> 00:14:36,488 stop. 392 00:14:36,489 --> 00:14:38,057 I get the impulse, but that's not going to work here. 393 00:14:38,058 --> 00:14:39,542 No, I just mean that, uh, 394 00:14:39,543 --> 00:14:42,027 we are defined by what happens to us, 395 00:14:42,028 --> 00:14:46,282 and me leaving seems to have made you independent, 396 00:14:46,283 --> 00:14:47,516 made you strong. 397 00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:51,386 With all due respect, which is none, 398 00:14:51,387 --> 00:14:53,221 go to hell. 399 00:14:53,222 --> 00:14:55,324 So tunneling out is off the table? 400 00:14:55,325 --> 00:14:58,327 Who's hungry for turkey? 401 00:14:58,328 --> 00:14:59,828 Shirley, we were just... 402 00:14:59,829 --> 00:15:00,829 About to... 403 00:15:00,830 --> 00:15:02,248 Eat garbage dip. 404 00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:05,701 Why did I have to go third? 405 00:15:05,702 --> 00:15:07,469 Look, I get it. You want to leave. 406 00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:09,805 Shirley, we're sorry. 407 00:15:09,806 --> 00:15:11,941 No, I'm sorry. 408 00:15:11,942 --> 00:15:14,643 To be honest, I invited you as a bit of a buffer. 409 00:15:14,644 --> 00:15:17,096 With Andre's family, I'm always the butt of the joke, 410 00:15:17,097 --> 00:15:18,480 and with Andre gone this year, 411 00:15:18,481 --> 00:15:20,933 I thought I could tip the scales in my favor 412 00:15:20,934 --> 00:15:23,269 by having a few friends around. 413 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,721 That was wrong of me. 414 00:15:25,722 --> 00:15:28,023 See you Monday. 415 00:15:29,359 --> 00:15:30,559 I can't believe none of us noticed 416 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,444 she was having such a hard time. 417 00:15:32,445 --> 00:15:34,630 We can't leave. 418 00:15:34,631 --> 00:15:35,948 Funny thing about prison. 419 00:15:35,949 --> 00:15:38,066 Sometimes the person you thought was your warden 420 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,835 turns out to be a fellow prisoner, 421 00:15:39,836 --> 00:15:42,104 which doesn't really line up with the whole Shawshank thing, 422 00:15:42,105 --> 00:15:44,356 but maybe we've always been doing more of a Prison Break. 423 00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:45,323 The show. 424 00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:56,722 - Whoa, what are you doing in my car? - Take me with you. 425 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:57,907 Teach me what you know. 426 00:15:57,908 --> 00:15:59,842 What in the cat's cradle is happening? 427 00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:01,043 Dad hates me. 428 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,178 What do you care what that guy thinks? 429 00:16:02,179 --> 00:16:03,312 He's a dick. 430 00:16:03,313 --> 00:16:05,598 See, that's what I need to learn! 431 00:16:05,599 --> 00:16:08,417 How to be all dead inside with muscles on top, 432 00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:10,402 not all emotional and flabby. 433 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,354 Yeah, but you are emotional, 434 00:16:12,355 --> 00:16:13,422 and if you pretend you're not, 435 00:16:13,423 --> 00:16:14,440 you're only letting him off the hook 436 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:15,875 for being a terrible father, 437 00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,576 which he is and always has been. 438 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,929 I mean, he meant the world to you, 439 00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:22,047 and you meant nothing to him, 440 00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:26,485 and if you run away now, he'll never know. 441 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,688 He should know. 442 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,191 Britta's the worst. 443 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,292 Ow! Jeez. 444 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,479 Oh. I thought you guys left. 445 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,881 We started as your buffer, 446 00:16:38,882 --> 00:16:40,099 but we're busting you out of here now. 447 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,333 Mm-hmm. 448 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,619 I drew a map of your house on my stomach. 449 00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:45,271 Uh, I know what my house looks like. 450 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:46,705 That's what I said. 451 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,740 Look, if we act fast, we can get through this plan, 452 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:50,609 which is to put you in the trash can, 453 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:51,677 take you out like trash, 454 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:52,578 but we got to dress you like a baby. 455 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:54,747 Thank you so much for doing this, 456 00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,015 but I'm not going anywhere. 457 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,650 Those people up there, they may be rude, 458 00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:58,934 they may be pushy, 459 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,436 they may have come to some wrongheaded conclusions 460 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,820 about Batman and Robin... 461 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,222 Oh, thank you. 462 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,390 But they're my family, 463 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:05,858 and family means putting up with each other 464 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,109 even when it's hard. 465 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,962 You guys can go. I'll be fine. 466 00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:13,232 Actually, we're going to stay. 467 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,617 - Oh. - Yeah. 468 00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:15,901 Family sticks it out. 469 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,802 That's ni... 470 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,458 Okay, full disclosure. 471 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,410 We're hiding out from that crazy white guy. 472 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:27,913 You came back! 473 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,248 I'm sorry. 474 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,250 You should take some credit for who I've become. 475 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,434 Okay. 476 00:17:32,435 --> 00:17:35,387 So, let me tell you how I turned out, 477 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:39,675 just so you're crystal clear on your impact. 478 00:17:39,676 --> 00:17:42,711 I am not well-adjusted. 479 00:17:42,712 --> 00:17:45,698 More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. 480 00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:48,033 I'm constantly texting, 481 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:49,685 and there's no one at the other end. 482 00:17:49,686 --> 00:17:51,420 I'm just a grown man 483 00:17:51,421 --> 00:17:53,071 who can't even look his own friends 484 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,123 in the eye for too long 485 00:17:54,124 --> 00:17:56,174 because I'm afraid that they'll see 486 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,443 that I am broken. 487 00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,495 So you get credit for that. 488 00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:00,696 Oh, come on, now... 489 00:18:00,697 --> 00:18:02,765 One time, when I was in seventh grade, 490 00:18:02,766 --> 00:18:06,135 I told everybody at school that I had appendicitis. 491 00:18:06,136 --> 00:18:07,670 I wanted someone to worry about me. 492 00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:11,090 But when Beth Brannon asked to see the scar, 493 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,257 I didn't want to get found out, 494 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:16,495 so I took mom's scissors, and I made one. 495 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,581 It hurt like hell, but it was worth it. 496 00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:23,035 Because I got 17 cards, 497 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:25,521 and I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 498 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,989 22 years later 499 00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:29,525 because it proves that someone, 500 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,710 at some point, cared about me. 501 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:35,347 You want to see the scar? 502 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:38,133 So you get credit for that, too. 503 00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:39,785 This is me. 504 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:43,722 Look, Jeff, I, uh... 505 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:45,758 Daddy! 506 00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:48,894 Are you faking a heart attack? 507 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,947 Kind of a Hail Mary. 508 00:18:51,948 --> 00:18:54,082 Happy Thanksgiving, dad. 509 00:19:00,689 --> 00:19:03,859 Look, you're probably feeling a very strong urge 510 00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:05,077 to sleep with me right now, 511 00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:06,611 and that is normal. 512 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,864 Sha. 513 00:19:08,865 --> 00:19:12,251 Britta, thank you. 514 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,853 You were right. 515 00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:17,122 You're not going to get all "jock jams" on me, are you? 516 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,191 No, of course not. 517 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,676 I left my boom box at school. 518 00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:24,079 Oh. Jeez. 519 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,364 You got to stop doing that. 520 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,750 Thank you. Come here, brother. 521 00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:28,733 - Oh. - Come here, brother. 522 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,052 Wow. 523 00:19:30,053 --> 00:19:31,804 Why don't you save some for Christmas, buddy, okay? 524 00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:34,590 And then Pierce did whiteface over blackface. 525 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:35,758 No one was amused. 526 00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:37,693 It's meta. Abed gets it. 527 00:19:37,694 --> 00:19:40,446 So, Troy, how was your first real Thanksgiving? 528 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,497 No offense to Shirley, 529 00:19:41,498 --> 00:19:42,765 but I don't see what the fuss is about. 530 00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,900 Thanksgiving's the wors... 531 00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:47,419 Oh! 532 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,171 I heard your Thanksgiving wasn't much better than mine, 533 00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:50,889 so I thought we could take some time 534 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,208 and be grateful for our real family. 535 00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:54,993 The one we chose. 536 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:58,163 - So pretty. - Sit, sit, sit. 537 00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,416 We never got to do a Shawshank homage, 538 00:20:00,417 --> 00:20:02,501 not the way I wanted to. 539 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,586 Maybe the hardest prisons to break out of 540 00:20:04,587 --> 00:20:07,239 are the ones without locks. 541 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,091 Wait, that doesn't make any sense. 542 00:20:09,092 --> 00:20:11,743 After that day, Jeff seemed like a man unburdened. 543 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:14,179 He told me about seeing his father again, 544 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,514 about how leaving there felt like breaking free 545 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,683 of an emotional prison he'd been in for years. 546 00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,968 Something about shackles on his heart? 547 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,687 To be honest, I stopped listening. 548 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,088 I was thinking about Christmas. 549 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,389 I hope we do Die Hard. 550 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,757 I hope it's in a restaurant. 551 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:28,260 I hope it lays out as cleanly as it does in my dreams. 552 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,745 I hope it's cool. 553 00:20:29,746 --> 00:20:30,762 Cool, cool, cool. 554 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,197 - Cheers. - Cheers. 555 00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:34,598 Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, including you, Dean. 556 00:20:58,681 --> 00:21:00,211 Oh, my. 557 00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:05,820 I'll have to remember this for next year. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net