1 00:00:01,166 --> 00:00:04,985 Hi, everybody. I'm Jeff. Uhm... Mr. Winger. 2 00:00:05,003 --> 00:00:09,032 And this is Fundamentals of Law. 3 00:00:12,299 --> 00:00:13,666 Any questions? 4 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:16,101 You, Red Hair. I'm not gonna learn names. 5 00:00:16,136 --> 00:00:17,920 - Will there be a syllabus? - "Will there be a syllabus?" 6 00:00:17,954 --> 00:00:20,723 Is good example of a question. Moving on. 7 00:00:20,757 --> 00:00:22,675 - Ski Cap. - How are we gonna be graded? 8 00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:24,843 Oh, no spoilers, Ski Cap. 9 00:00:26,246 --> 00:00:27,997 - Maybe we better do names. - Dave. 10 00:00:28,031 --> 00:00:29,815 What percent of our grade will the final be? 11 00:00:29,849 --> 00:00:32,901 Come on, guys, percentages, grades, that syllabus thing... 12 00:00:32,936 --> 00:00:35,821 Are we human beings or just question-and-answer machines? 13 00:00:35,855 --> 00:00:40,159 We're students. And you're a teacher. 14 00:00:41,361 --> 00:00:45,714 Yeah. I'm a teacher. 15 00:00:48,385 --> 00:00:51,971 Did you see that? That teacher just leered at me. 16 00:00:52,005 --> 00:00:53,906 - Ew. - Hey, look, 17 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:56,075 it's the star of "Head of the Ass." 18 00:00:56,109 --> 00:00:57,576 Shut up, Leonard! Nice earring. 19 00:00:57,594 --> 00:01:00,012 You look like the road manager for the California Raisins. 20 00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:02,848 Whoa! What kind of teacher talks to a student like that? 21 00:01:02,882 --> 00:01:04,833 - Right? - Yeah. 22 00:01:11,157 --> 00:01:15,728 - Fresh meat, huh? - Yeah, Jeff Winger, law. 23 00:01:15,762 --> 00:01:17,730 Buzz Hickey, criminology. 24 00:01:17,764 --> 00:01:20,015 You can have that half of the office, but come spring, 25 00:01:20,050 --> 00:01:23,118 that corner is stacked to the rafters with fetal pigs. 26 00:01:23,153 --> 00:01:24,169 I won't be here that long. 27 00:01:24,204 --> 00:01:25,790 This is sort of a temporary gig for me. 28 00:01:25,825 --> 00:01:26,839 Mm, I get it. 29 00:01:26,873 --> 00:01:29,692 Teaching to make ends meet until a real job comes along, 30 00:01:29,726 --> 00:01:32,578 - yeah, me too. - Oh, cool. How long have you been... 31 00:01:32,612 --> 00:01:35,580 15 years. 32 00:01:35,598 --> 00:01:38,350 15 years and counting. 33 00:01:38,385 --> 00:01:40,319 "Temporary gig." 34 00:01:40,353 --> 00:01:43,455 Oh, I like you. 35 00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:45,887 * Give me some rope * 36 00:01:45,892 --> 00:01:47,470 * Tie me to dream * 37 00:01:47,477 --> 00:01:49,093 * Give me the hope * 38 00:01:49,112 --> 00:01:50,612 * To run out of steam * 39 00:01:50,646 --> 00:01:54,099 * Somebody said it can be here * 40 00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:57,986 * We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year * 41 00:01:58,020 --> 00:02:02,357 * I can't count the reasons I should stay * 42 00:02:02,776 --> 00:02:07,077 * One by one, they all just fade away * 43 00:02:07,186 --> 00:02:08,187 Sync and corrected by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 44 00:02:08,282 --> 00:02:11,483 Oh, the new table turned out great, Abed. 45 00:02:11,517 --> 00:02:13,068 Splendid varnishing. 46 00:02:13,119 --> 00:02:15,320 - "Table Mark II"? - I added that, 47 00:02:15,338 --> 00:02:17,623 and a few custom upgrades. It's voice activated. 48 00:02:17,657 --> 00:02:19,491 Table, resume table mode. 49 00:02:19,526 --> 00:02:22,127 - Huh? - Oh. 50 00:02:22,162 --> 00:02:23,262 Table, power down. 51 00:02:23,296 --> 00:02:25,180 Wait! I got a cup on there. 52 00:02:25,215 --> 00:02:27,132 - Oh, teacher man! - Ee! 53 00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,368 It's Professor Winger! 54 00:02:29,402 --> 00:02:31,620 Please don't razz me about being a teacher. 55 00:02:31,671 --> 00:02:34,005 Teaching is the most noble profession in the world. 56 00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:35,941 Yeah, tell that to the guy that shares my office. 57 00:02:35,975 --> 00:02:37,526 He fixes cuckoo clocks for fun. 58 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,062 That sounds like Mr. Hickey, my criminology professor. 59 00:02:40,096 --> 00:02:42,314 I certainly hope you'll be a better teacher than him. 60 00:02:42,348 --> 00:02:43,715 Annie, I don't know law. 61 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:45,534 I wasn't a real lawyer, remember? 62 00:02:45,568 --> 00:02:47,619 I can't just pretend I'm teaching. 63 00:02:47,637 --> 00:02:49,655 I'm not Mythbusters. 64 00:02:49,689 --> 00:02:51,757 There's a two-day course called "Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad." 65 00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:54,093 I'm signing up. I've always wanted to know. 66 00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,178 Nicolas Cage is one of pop culture's greatest mysteries. 67 00:02:56,212 --> 00:02:57,913 Oh, there's a course on Nicolas Cage, 68 00:02:57,947 --> 00:02:59,298 but if you mention Jesus to your science teacher, 69 00:02:59,332 --> 00:03:00,399 you get a written warning. 70 00:03:00,433 --> 00:03:01,633 Well, Jesus wasn't in 70 movies. 71 00:03:01,668 --> 00:03:03,185 I'm in. Cage class, sounds fun. 72 00:03:03,219 --> 00:03:05,053 Jeff, you don't have time to take a blow-off class. 73 00:03:05,088 --> 00:03:06,121 You need to figure out what you're gonna 74 00:03:06,156 --> 00:03:07,956 - teach your students. - Thanks, Annie, 75 00:03:07,991 --> 00:03:11,043 for one glorious second, I forgot I was a teacher. 76 00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:39,938 Oh! Look at Mr. Smarty Pants! 77 00:03:39,972 --> 00:03:41,907 I am so excited! 78 00:03:41,941 --> 00:03:44,326 Jeff is gonna help me save the school. 79 00:03:44,377 --> 00:03:47,679 Not all by himself. I am learning Excel. 80 00:03:47,713 --> 00:03:49,231 - Jeff, do you know Excel? - No. 81 00:03:49,265 --> 00:03:52,951 Well, it looks like you do. 82 00:03:52,986 --> 00:03:56,421 Yay, teaching! 83 00:03:56,455 --> 00:04:01,510 I, as you know, am dramatic professor Sean Garrity, 84 00:04:01,544 --> 00:04:04,546 and you are now embarking on an odyssey of discussion 85 00:04:04,597 --> 00:04:07,232 about an actor who keeps the world asking: 86 00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:09,401 Nicolas Cage, good or bad? 87 00:04:09,435 --> 00:04:10,485 Yes, young man? 88 00:04:10,537 --> 00:04:13,071 - So you don't know? - Mr. Nadir. 89 00:04:13,089 --> 00:04:16,158 Mr. Nadir drove our TV Studies professor 90 00:04:16,192 --> 00:04:19,228 out of his mind by proving that there was an answer 91 00:04:19,262 --> 00:04:20,963 to the question "Who's the Boss?" 92 00:04:20,997 --> 00:04:23,749 - Angela. - I admire your brain, Mr. Nadir. 93 00:04:23,783 --> 00:04:27,536 I did not admire Professor Sheffield, 94 00:04:27,570 --> 00:04:30,873 but I promise you, this question has no answer. 95 00:04:30,907 --> 00:04:35,043 Your homework is to watch five Nicolas Cage films by Wednesday, 96 00:04:35,078 --> 00:04:38,080 no marathons. Space out your viewings. 97 00:04:38,114 --> 00:04:40,048 Five, that's it? 98 00:04:40,099 --> 00:04:41,884 Be careful, Abed Nadir. 99 00:04:41,935 --> 00:04:46,071 Promise me you will be careful. 100 00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:47,990 I have no idea how to make a curriculum. 101 00:04:48,041 --> 00:04:50,726 Becoming a teacher was a huge mistake. 102 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,011 Without a doubt. 103 00:04:53,045 --> 00:04:55,764 That said, there are certain perks. 104 00:04:55,798 --> 00:04:56,982 - Excuse me. - Wow. 105 00:04:57,016 --> 00:04:58,533 I didn't know teachers could cut in line. 106 00:04:58,568 --> 00:05:00,869 I can actually experience this food warm and disgusting. 107 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,854 Winger, what are you doing? 108 00:05:02,889 --> 00:05:06,391 This line is for food, not for Lionel Richie tickets. 109 00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:09,244 This is my house. 110 00:05:09,295 --> 00:05:12,047 Come here. 111 00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:15,851 This man's name is Mr. Winger, 112 00:05:15,885 --> 00:05:19,171 and Mr. Winger is a teacher. 113 00:05:19,205 --> 00:05:21,673 You know what that means? 114 00:05:21,707 --> 00:05:24,693 It means he gets your meatballs. 115 00:05:24,744 --> 00:05:28,547 Ah, please. That's all I have. 116 00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:33,485 Get outta here. 117 00:05:33,519 --> 00:05:35,988 Place is a zoo. The trick is, 118 00:05:36,022 --> 00:05:39,024 you gotta show the other baboons you got a bigger, redder ass. 119 00:05:39,042 --> 00:05:40,242 Let's hit the lounge. 120 00:05:43,263 --> 00:05:45,347 Whoa. 121 00:05:45,398 --> 00:05:48,533 Everybody, this is the new guy, Winger. 122 00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:52,070 He's having trouble planning his curriculum. 123 00:05:53,506 --> 00:05:55,557 What? 124 00:05:55,608 --> 00:05:57,225 Here's all you need to know... 125 00:05:57,277 --> 00:05:59,778 Break into groups, grade each other's papers, 126 00:05:59,812 --> 00:06:02,464 and please enjoy the seven-disc edition of Planet Earth. 127 00:06:02,498 --> 00:06:03,915 Yoo-hoo! 128 00:06:03,933 --> 00:06:07,052 Is there a Mr. Winger in here? 129 00:06:07,086 --> 00:06:09,538 Jeffrey, we need to carve out some time to learn Excel. 130 00:06:09,572 --> 00:06:11,623 Do you guys know Excel? I'm learning. 131 00:06:11,658 --> 00:06:14,509 You know the rules, Pelton. Drop the checks and move on. 132 00:06:14,544 --> 00:06:16,011 Oh. Jeffrey, I'm gonna boot up 133 00:06:16,062 --> 00:06:17,346 my computer and download the tutor... 134 00:06:18,815 --> 00:06:21,149 - What was that about? - Union rules. 135 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,536 Management's not allowed in the faculty lounge. 136 00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:26,505 I could get used to this. 137 00:06:32,979 --> 00:06:35,080 Nicolas Cage is so weird. 138 00:06:35,114 --> 00:06:37,099 I mean, he seemed scared to smell that flower 139 00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:39,001 but happy to get shot. 140 00:06:39,035 --> 00:06:40,952 He's a complex performer. He'll give you The Rock, 141 00:06:40,987 --> 00:06:43,138 Con Air, then Face/Off, and you think you understand, 142 00:06:43,172 --> 00:06:45,273 but then Windtalkers, Guarding Tess, The Wicker Man. 143 00:06:45,308 --> 00:06:47,492 He begs you to stop watching, but you can't. 144 00:06:49,028 --> 00:06:51,313 That was an odd choice. 145 00:06:51,347 --> 00:06:52,748 Would you say it was odd good or odd bad? 146 00:06:52,782 --> 00:06:54,466 Maybe he's just good in good movies 147 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,735 and then acts crazy in crap to make drug money. 148 00:06:56,753 --> 00:06:59,187 But is he good, or is he bad? Every actor is something. 149 00:06:59,222 --> 00:07:01,306 Robert Downey Jr., good, Jim Belushi, bad. 150 00:07:01,341 --> 00:07:02,574 Van Damme, the good kind of bad, 151 00:07:02,608 --> 00:07:04,126 Johnny Depp, the bad kind of good. 152 00:07:04,177 --> 00:07:06,361 There's a spectrum, and Cage is on it. 153 00:07:06,396 --> 00:07:07,763 I just have to find him. 154 00:07:07,797 --> 00:07:11,350 - I'm gonna go check on Jeff. - Oh. 155 00:07:11,384 --> 00:07:12,934 Hello. 156 00:07:12,969 --> 00:07:16,021 Hey, Jeff, how's the old curriculum going? 157 00:07:16,055 --> 00:07:18,890 Great. Consider our nation's youth pre-inspired. 158 00:07:18,924 --> 00:07:21,026 - Want a refill, Winger? - Mm. 159 00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:22,361 - Is that Hickey? - Yeah. 160 00:07:22,395 --> 00:07:23,595 We're working on syllabuses. 161 00:07:23,613 --> 00:07:27,115 Hey, let's turd some lockers! 162 00:07:27,150 --> 00:07:29,084 Gotta go! Teacher thing! 163 00:07:29,118 --> 00:07:31,820 It's "syllabi." 164 00:07:31,871 --> 00:07:34,272 Guterman. Droppin' mad science? 165 00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:37,793 Ooh, Elaine, take it easy on the Oxford commas. 166 00:07:37,827 --> 00:07:40,212 Hey, walk, don't run, mister! This isn't a racetrack! 167 00:07:40,246 --> 00:07:43,131 Okay, dangerous minds, let's break into groups, 168 00:07:43,166 --> 00:07:46,501 discuss chapter one, and if you are lucky, 169 00:07:46,552 --> 00:07:49,004 we might sneak in a little Planet Earth. 170 00:07:49,055 --> 00:07:50,121 Any questions? 171 00:07:50,139 --> 00:07:52,090 Ahem. 172 00:07:52,124 --> 00:07:54,726 Just a few. 173 00:07:54,761 --> 00:07:58,980 Ahh, she in your class, yo! 174 00:08:01,739 --> 00:08:05,224 So, I guess... Uh... Just... 175 00:08:05,706 --> 00:08:07,223 Read chapter one... 176 00:08:07,257 --> 00:08:09,358 And memorize the federal rules of civil procedure. 177 00:08:09,393 --> 00:08:10,943 Class dismissed. 178 00:08:11,394 --> 00:08:14,613 Not so fast, Jeff. 179 00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:19,451 I assume you know why I'm keeping you after class. 180 00:08:19,486 --> 00:08:22,337 Not really. Ski Cap and White Dave got lots of stuff wrong too. 181 00:08:22,389 --> 00:08:24,223 - You're the teacher, Jeff. - You don't have to rub it in. 182 00:08:24,257 --> 00:08:26,859 What I saw today was embarrassing. 183 00:08:26,910 --> 00:08:28,293 You were late, 184 00:08:28,328 --> 00:08:29,845 you clearly had no idea... 185 00:08:29,879 --> 00:08:31,046 Hey! 186 00:08:31,064 --> 00:08:32,998 You had no idea what Tort Reform meant, 187 00:08:33,032 --> 00:08:34,800 and when I asked you to explain the Sixth Amendment, 188 00:08:34,834 --> 00:08:36,268 - you pled the Fifth! - I know my rights. 189 00:08:36,302 --> 00:08:38,487 No, you don't. That's the problem. 190 00:08:41,958 --> 00:08:44,193 Here. I gathered some materials. 191 00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:45,911 Tomorrow morning, before class, 192 00:08:45,962 --> 00:08:48,163 I need to verify that you know enough to teach. 193 00:08:48,198 --> 00:08:50,032 You're gonna quiz me? You're the worst. 194 00:08:50,066 --> 00:08:52,367 I wish Troy was in my class instead of you! 195 00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:53,836 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, 196 00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:55,637 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. 197 00:08:55,671 --> 00:08:58,940 Hey, wait, I warned you to separate these worlds. 198 00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:02,878 She's lead, we're chalk. 199 00:09:02,912 --> 00:09:06,031 She needs to be taken out. 200 00:09:06,065 --> 00:09:09,368 Of your class. I say minus her. 201 00:09:09,419 --> 00:09:11,019 - Minus her? - Give her A-minuses. 202 00:09:11,054 --> 00:09:12,587 It'll drive her nuts, she'll drop. 203 00:09:12,605 --> 00:09:14,106 She'll call me on it. She'll report me. 204 00:09:14,157 --> 00:09:15,791 Teachers don't have to explain minuses. 205 00:09:15,825 --> 00:09:17,392 Why do you think we invented 'em? 206 00:09:17,427 --> 00:09:19,461 - She's my friend. - Eh. 207 00:09:19,479 --> 00:09:22,564 You like the Leonard Meatballs? They added something special. 208 00:09:27,137 --> 00:09:29,771 It's Leonard. 209 00:09:32,725 --> 00:09:35,344 Come on, I'm just messing with you. 210 00:09:35,378 --> 00:09:37,496 You done with your bit? I'd like my earring back. 211 00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:38,780 - Yeah? - Mm-hmm. 212 00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:41,917 Go get your earring, you piece of human garbage. 213 00:09:49,792 --> 00:09:52,728 Uh... 214 00:09:52,762 --> 00:09:56,698 Oh, my God. 215 00:09:56,732 --> 00:09:58,250 Okay, hey, I have a working theory, 216 00:09:58,284 --> 00:09:59,801 and don't react until you've heard the whole thing. 217 00:09:59,835 --> 00:10:02,271 If you watch closely, at the seven-minute mark in Snake Eyes, 218 00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:03,772 you'll notice the moment where an alien arm 219 00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:06,825 - could've come up and... - Abed, this isn't worth it. 220 00:10:06,860 --> 00:10:10,479 Maybe Nicolas Cage is just... crazy. 221 00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:12,831 All actors are crazy, Annie. Some crazy actors are good, 222 00:10:12,882 --> 00:10:14,282 some are bad, but none of them are neither. 223 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:15,500 There's no such thing as both, so which one is... 224 00:10:15,552 --> 00:10:18,353 Nicolas Cage, huh? Oh! Oh! 225 00:10:22,108 --> 00:10:24,443 Okay, so break into groups, 226 00:10:24,477 --> 00:10:26,912 and then, you guys quiz each other. 227 00:10:26,946 --> 00:10:30,299 Mr. Winger, is that really the best use of our time? 228 00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,267 Seems like the value of having you here is... 229 00:10:32,302 --> 00:10:35,037 I think my value as a teacher is to teach you how to learn. 230 00:10:35,071 --> 00:10:36,371 I think you're telling us we should teach ourselves. 231 00:10:36,405 --> 00:10:37,981 I don't think you're gonna learn if I tell you how to think. 232 00:10:38,016 --> 00:10:39,775 I think if you tell us what you think, then we'll learn that. 233 00:10:39,809 --> 00:10:41,243 I thought you should break into groups, 234 00:10:41,277 --> 00:10:43,195 but you failed to learn that, so your theory's invalid. 235 00:10:43,246 --> 00:10:47,048 Ooh, snap. 236 00:10:48,685 --> 00:10:49,768 Break into groups. 237 00:10:49,819 --> 00:10:52,471 Mr. Winger, how did you do that? 238 00:10:52,505 --> 00:10:53,972 - Do what? - You won an argument 239 00:10:54,007 --> 00:10:56,475 - against Annie Edison. - You don't argue with Annie, 240 00:10:56,526 --> 00:10:59,244 Garrett, you let her argue with herself until she loses. 241 00:10:59,295 --> 00:11:02,047 - You can win by not arguing? - Yeah, Ski Cap. 242 00:11:02,081 --> 00:11:03,632 Anyone that tries to argue has already lost, 243 00:11:03,666 --> 00:11:05,567 because they pick an argument to lose. 244 00:11:05,601 --> 00:11:07,653 I mean, that's why I never lost a case. 245 00:11:07,687 --> 00:11:10,923 Prosecutors beat themselves, because they d... Here. 246 00:11:10,957 --> 00:11:13,942 Because they draw a circle 247 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:16,712 around something called "The Truth," 248 00:11:16,746 --> 00:11:19,731 and they say that everything outside it is a lie. 249 00:11:20,817 --> 00:11:22,267 Annie, 250 00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:24,703 don't cry, you were right. 251 00:11:24,737 --> 00:11:26,621 I actually might enjoy teaching. 252 00:11:26,639 --> 00:11:28,974 I'm not crying because of you. 253 00:11:29,008 --> 00:11:31,393 I got this from Professor Hickey. 254 00:11:31,411 --> 00:11:33,328 What the hell? He gave you a dead rat? 255 00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:35,547 No, this is my witness intimidation project. 256 00:11:35,581 --> 00:11:36,848 He gave me this. 257 00:11:36,883 --> 00:11:38,200 A-minus. 258 00:11:38,234 --> 00:11:41,253 I guess I overextended my schedule. 259 00:11:41,287 --> 00:11:43,922 I'm sorry, Jeff. I have to drop your class. 260 00:11:45,174 --> 00:11:48,327 Okay, thoughts on Nicolas Cage. 261 00:11:48,361 --> 00:11:50,278 I think he's a genius. I mean, he keeps getting hired 262 00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,414 for some reason, and it's not because of his hair. 263 00:11:52,448 --> 00:11:55,217 I don't know, if I was in 70 films over 30 years, 264 00:11:55,251 --> 00:11:57,319 and I spent each one talking at random volumes, 265 00:11:57,353 --> 00:11:59,171 I might accidentally win an Oscar. 266 00:11:59,205 --> 00:12:01,873 I think our opinions about pop culture are fed to us 267 00:12:01,924 --> 00:12:03,275 by machines designed to criminalize 268 00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:06,395 - human autonomy. - Good one. 269 00:12:08,264 --> 00:12:09,331 Dear God. 270 00:12:09,365 --> 00:12:10,666 - Abed. - No, stand back. 271 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,651 Give him space. 272 00:12:17,573 --> 00:12:20,759 Nicolas Cage, good or bad. A challenge, certainly, 273 00:12:20,793 --> 00:12:23,862 but not unsolvable, 274 00:12:23,896 --> 00:12:25,731 because all actors have distinct values, 275 00:12:25,782 --> 00:12:27,382 which I use to find answers. 276 00:12:27,417 --> 00:12:30,635 Abed, how much Nicolas Cage did you... 277 00:12:30,687 --> 00:12:33,572 Enough! 278 00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:36,875 I watched enough to find... the answers. 279 00:12:36,909 --> 00:12:40,595 Because this... this is my reality, 280 00:12:40,630 --> 00:12:42,797 this is how I learned to be, and my being 281 00:12:42,815 --> 00:12:44,066 doesn't allow for Nicolas... 282 00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:46,568 Freaking Cage, okay? 283 00:12:46,602 --> 00:12:49,537 Oh, yeah! 284 00:12:49,555 --> 00:12:52,457 Yeah! Oh! Oh! 285 00:12:59,032 --> 00:13:02,117 Oh, I'm a cat. I'm a sexy cat. 286 00:13:04,787 --> 00:13:07,922 Oh! Oh! Oh! 287 00:13:07,940 --> 00:13:10,859 O-o-ohh! 288 00:13:18,735 --> 00:13:20,819 Abed? Think of something safe 289 00:13:20,870 --> 00:13:24,272 like Holly Hunter, or Don Cheadle! 290 00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:27,209 Abed? Abed! 291 00:13:29,746 --> 00:13:31,730 That was brilliant. 292 00:13:33,582 --> 00:13:34,813 You gave Annie an A-minus? 293 00:13:34,874 --> 00:13:36,750 How could you? What were you thinking? 294 00:13:36,785 --> 00:13:39,127 - Are you drawing a peanut? - It's a duck, 295 00:13:39,161 --> 00:13:40,895 and it's none of your concern, actually. 296 00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:42,230 Are you trying to cartoon? 297 00:13:42,264 --> 00:13:44,616 Trying and succeeding. State your business. 298 00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:46,184 I want to know what kind of monster 299 00:13:46,218 --> 00:13:48,186 minuses the best student in his class. 300 00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,554 I'm a monster? 301 00:13:49,588 --> 00:13:52,440 I was in the storm drain lair of the Black River Ripper. 302 00:13:52,475 --> 00:13:55,693 I have seen human heads used for things other than heads, 303 00:13:55,744 --> 00:13:59,180 so best not be calling me a monster. 304 00:13:59,215 --> 00:14:01,483 Okay, you're a bad teacher. 305 00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:03,585 - I got her off your back. - I was handling it. 306 00:14:03,619 --> 00:14:05,854 Unlike you, I know how to engage my students. 307 00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,572 I mean, I may not love teaching, 308 00:14:07,606 --> 00:14:09,190 but I did fool around with it today, 309 00:14:09,208 --> 00:14:11,226 and I may hook up with it again a few more times 310 00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:12,961 even if I do dump it right before Christmas. 311 00:14:12,995 --> 00:14:15,914 - We do not work for them. - Maybe we do. 312 00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:17,365 That does not count as an argument. 313 00:14:17,383 --> 00:14:20,168 Yeah, well, drawing ducks doesn't count as cartooning! 314 00:14:20,186 --> 00:14:22,220 It's one duck, his name is Jim, 315 00:14:22,254 --> 00:14:24,305 and publishers are interested! 316 00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:27,408 Miss Edison, good news. 317 00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:29,194 I talked to Professor Hickey and it turns out 318 00:14:29,245 --> 00:14:30,528 your project was an "A." 319 00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,847 You used your connections to change my grade? 320 00:14:32,882 --> 00:14:35,316 No, an A-minus means you actually earned an "A," 321 00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:36,367 but the teacher doesn't like you. 322 00:14:36,402 --> 00:14:38,870 - It's a secret faculty thing. - What? 323 00:14:38,904 --> 00:14:41,072 - Are you kidding? - Et tu, Brute? 324 00:14:41,106 --> 00:14:42,373 Am I using that right? 325 00:14:42,408 --> 00:14:44,792 I've been busting my butt for five years, 326 00:14:44,827 --> 00:14:45,960 and the whole thing comes down 327 00:14:45,994 --> 00:14:49,280 to a few old losers' petty insecurities? 328 00:14:49,315 --> 00:14:51,416 - Oligarchy! - Et tu, Brute! 329 00:14:51,450 --> 00:14:54,886 - We've got to tell people! - Mm. 330 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:58,439 Minuses are made up! 331 00:14:58,473 --> 00:15:00,642 It's riot time! Yeah! 332 00:15:00,676 --> 00:15:03,728 Ugh! Bring me their heads! 333 00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:07,866 Pop pop! 334 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:18,226 Abed? I couldn't find you at school, so I got worried. 335 00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:20,745 You're throwing away all your little movies, why? 336 00:15:20,779 --> 00:15:22,230 They have no value anymore. 337 00:15:22,248 --> 00:15:25,617 Well, if you're looking for something to believe in, 338 00:15:25,651 --> 00:15:29,337 I know a skinny, little Hebrew handyman you could meet. 339 00:15:29,371 --> 00:15:31,205 I'm not going to become Christian, Shirley, 340 00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:32,390 or a better Muslim. 341 00:15:32,441 --> 00:15:33,908 This was my religion. 342 00:15:33,943 --> 00:15:35,793 I thought the meaning of people was somewhere in here. 343 00:15:35,828 --> 00:15:38,313 Then I looked inside Nicolas Cage and I found a secret. 344 00:15:38,347 --> 00:15:39,948 People are random and pointless. 345 00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:42,367 Well, in my religion, the whole point 346 00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:44,385 is that you can't understand every little thing, 347 00:15:44,420 --> 00:15:46,854 and you know, there's a word for people who remind you 348 00:15:46,888 --> 00:15:49,240 that you're not God, and invite you to try a little harder. 349 00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:52,594 Prophets, messiahs, kung fu pandas. 350 00:15:52,628 --> 00:15:54,629 - So Nicolas Cage is Jesus? - Uh, no, 351 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,998 but he clearly works in mysterious ways, 352 00:15:57,032 --> 00:16:00,218 and maybe that's just his job. 353 00:16:00,252 --> 00:16:02,303 And that's why critics can call him a genius or an idiot 354 00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:03,721 and be right no matter what. 355 00:16:03,756 --> 00:16:06,124 A demon to some and an angel to others, like a cenobite. 356 00:16:06,158 --> 00:16:07,959 Excuse me, did you say cenobite? 357 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,710 Yeah, you know, cenobite, like from Hellraiser. 358 00:16:09,728 --> 00:16:12,230 You like Hellraiser? You know the word "Hellraiser"? 359 00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:14,282 I thought pinhead in space was a bit of a letdown, 360 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:16,317 but I'm in for the ride. 361 00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,689 Rise up, Greendale! 362 00:16:21,724 --> 00:16:23,824 Your teachers have been lying to you! 363 00:16:23,842 --> 00:16:27,612 You deserve slightly higher grades! 364 00:16:27,646 --> 00:16:30,381 Slightly higher grades! Slightly higher grades! 365 00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,717 The whole world is watching this! 366 00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:34,052 - Yeah! - Oh, wait. 367 00:16:34,103 --> 00:16:35,436 I'm out of data minutes. 368 00:16:35,471 --> 00:16:39,374 The whole world will be watching this on the first of next month! 369 00:16:39,408 --> 00:16:42,593 Slightly higher grades! Slightly higher grades! 370 00:16:42,645 --> 00:16:44,779 - Jeffrey, do something! - Slightly higher grades. 371 00:16:44,813 --> 00:16:46,180 Distract them. Take your shirt off! 372 00:16:46,198 --> 00:16:48,666 - Here. - Slightly higher grades! 373 00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,117 - Slightly higher grades! - Everybody, 374 00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,420 calm down! Just listen! 375 00:16:52,438 --> 00:16:55,006 Do you think the students and teachers at Harvard 376 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,460 are at each other's throats? No, because they're all rich. 377 00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:01,746 We all have something in common too. 378 00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:05,883 We all suck. We're all broke. 379 00:17:05,934 --> 00:17:08,353 We all just went through an entire week 380 00:17:08,404 --> 00:17:11,122 of meatball lunches without even blinking. 381 00:17:11,173 --> 00:17:12,457 Oh, that's on me. 382 00:17:12,508 --> 00:17:14,425 I converted the lunch menu to a spreadsheet. 383 00:17:14,476 --> 00:17:17,078 The teachers here are teachers here 384 00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:21,783 because they did something wrong, same as the students. 385 00:17:21,817 --> 00:17:26,020 So get on the same team, because, take it from me, 386 00:17:26,038 --> 00:17:30,758 those of us that get to leave aren't going anywhere. 387 00:17:34,013 --> 00:17:35,863 - Boo! - No, you suck! 388 00:17:35,881 --> 00:17:37,131 Ugh! 389 00:17:37,165 --> 00:17:39,133 Jeffrey, go with my "take off your shirt" plan! 390 00:17:39,151 --> 00:17:42,987 May I point out that you're doing this together? 391 00:17:43,022 --> 00:17:46,724 It's all based on rows and columns of cells. 392 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,509 I think that's why the call it "Excel." 393 00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:49,577 - I don't care. - Mm-kay, 394 00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,145 now, I know it's unrealistic 395 00:17:51,163 --> 00:17:53,247 to think that we can eliminate riots completely, 396 00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:55,316 but I have been crunching the numbers, 397 00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:57,652 and I believe we can reduce them by 40%. 398 00:17:57,686 --> 00:17:58,870 Let's hope the man doesn't target you 399 00:17:58,904 --> 00:18:01,255 - for dreaming this big. - Here's my plan. 400 00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:04,726 You know that "Save Greendale" committee you pretended to form? 401 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,494 We need one of those for real. 402 00:18:06,528 --> 00:18:10,114 I want a student/teacher alliance, with you in charge. 403 00:18:10,149 --> 00:18:12,183 - I vote myself out. - You don't have a quorum. 404 00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:15,853 And don't forget, if I fire you, you're likely starve and die, 405 00:18:15,888 --> 00:18:17,205 so you know. 406 00:18:17,239 --> 00:18:18,756 Do you want me to cut your meatball? 407 00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:26,347 All right, look, there are two things I don't do well, 408 00:18:26,365 --> 00:18:28,666 apologies and drawing duck bills. 409 00:18:28,717 --> 00:18:31,269 I lost perspective. Students aren't the enemy, 410 00:18:31,303 --> 00:18:34,956 and, I don't know, maybe my bills are a little pointy. 411 00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,857 Maybe I'm basing them on beaks. 412 00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:38,643 Apologize to Annie. 413 00:18:38,677 --> 00:18:41,012 I did, I gave her an "A." 414 00:18:41,046 --> 00:18:44,198 I don't know how else to make it right. 415 00:18:44,233 --> 00:18:48,169 Oh. I guess, I don't know, I quit. 416 00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:52,240 I got a better idea. 417 00:18:52,274 --> 00:18:53,791 As our first order of business 418 00:18:53,826 --> 00:18:56,577 for the student/teacher Save Greendale Committee, 419 00:18:56,595 --> 00:19:00,198 we hereby ban the Dean from attending future meetings. 420 00:19:00,232 --> 00:19:02,733 - Yeah. - Our second order of business... 421 00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:05,753 - Lunch. - Yeah. 422 00:19:17,466 --> 00:19:20,718 I'm taste-testing rations for the shelter I'm digging. 423 00:19:20,769 --> 00:19:23,104 Are you the coolest person in the world? 424 00:19:23,138 --> 00:19:24,405 I doubt it. 425 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,890 I would like to address the fact that there are 426 00:19:25,924 --> 00:19:27,758 no Asian-Americans represented here. 427 00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:29,193 We can get Chang. 428 00:19:29,228 --> 00:19:32,797 No need to rush into anything, I just wanted to address it. 429 00:19:32,848 --> 00:19:34,298 Anybody want some nuts? 430 00:19:36,152 --> 00:19:38,963 __ 431 00:19:39,073 --> 00:19:41,571 __ 432 00:19:41,706 --> 00:19:47,381 __ 433 00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:50,270 __ 434 00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:54,347 __ 435 00:19:58,045 --> 00:20:01,130 - Quiet, I think he's just coming. - This is gonna be hilarious. 436 00:20:11,891 --> 00:20:14,459 Yeah, pharmacy please. 437 00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:16,828 Yeah, this is Buzz Hickey. 438 00:20:16,863 --> 00:20:19,080 I think you gave me the wrong medication. 439 00:20:19,115 --> 00:20:21,016 I usually get Lipitor. 440 00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:24,686 What do you mean my insurance won't cover it anymore? 441 00:20:24,737 --> 00:20:27,972 My body doesn't respond well to the generic stuff. 442 00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:31,309 Let me ask you a question, lady, can you pay out of pocket? 443 00:20:31,327 --> 00:20:35,480 I'm an educator, ma'am, living on a teacher's salary! 444 00:20:35,498 --> 00:20:39,451 No, I-I'm sorry. What's your name? 445 00:20:39,485 --> 00:20:43,822 Leia, well, let me tell you something, Leia, 446 00:20:43,856 --> 00:20:46,324 I wake up every night screaming. 447 00:20:46,342 --> 00:20:49,161 Life is unfair, but it's the only thing we g... 448 00:20:49,195 --> 00:20:52,664 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll call back later. 449 00:20:58,721 --> 00:21:01,606 Mom, it's Buzz. I'm gonna say this as fast as I can. 450 00:21:01,641 --> 00:21:04,426 We can't afford to bury dad with the rest of the family. 451 00:21:04,627 --> 00:21:10,763 Sync and corrected by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net