1 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:26,040 - What, here? - Yes, on the...chair. 2 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,240 The only chair. 3 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,280 This one? 4 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,640 Yes, the chair there. 5 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,600 The only unoccupied chair. 6 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:36,600 Do you want me sitting down on it, or do you want me standing up? 7 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,400 Sit down. Sit down on the chair! 8 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,640 Could you say your name, please? 9 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,560 Thank you. Could you say your name, please? 10 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,920 Oh, yes. No problems there. 11 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,480 Go on, then. 12 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,840 Is that it? 13 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,640 No! No! Sit down! 14 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,880 I'm sorry about that again. 15 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,360 Just tell us your name! Just tell us it. 16 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,720 My name, of course. 17 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,080 Arthur Strong, Count Arthur Strong. 18 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,480 And the name of your agent? 19 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,840 Ah, I'm currently between agents. 20 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,280 There's a funny story there, actually. 21 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,760 My original agent was Captain Johnny Resnip. 22 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,800 They called him Captain because when he was in the army... 23 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,400 leading to the death of all the men under his command. 24 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,640 My second agent, was Larry Trafalgar, 25 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,800 - of Larry Trafalgar Associates. - Look, just eat the toffee. 26 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,920 Eat the toffee and say, "It's delicious". 27 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,600 MUFFLED: It's delicious. 28 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,640 Well, that was a bloody waste of time. 29 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,000 Oh, did you not get the ad, Arthur? 30 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,880 I don't want to talk about it. 31 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,920 Does it sound like I got the sodding ad, John?! 32 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,280 - Hey, we got a postcard. - We did? How? 33 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,840 Who's friends with both of us? 34 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,320 - Think about it. - I give up. - Oh, for pity's sake, Arthur! 35 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:31,200 He's been gone less than a week and you've forgotten about him already. 36 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,120 - Who? - Brian. - Brian?! 37 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,720 Brian? What?! No! Michael! His name's Michael! 38 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,040 You know what I mean. One of those type of names. 39 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,480 You can't just say type of name, you have to say the exact name, 40 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,000 or the whole... 41 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,840 system breaks down. 42 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,480 Michael? Which Michael? 43 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:54,680 You do this on purpose! Michael! Michael and Sinem! 44 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,400 Well, there's lots of Michaels around, isn't there? 45 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,120 Especially these days. There's Michael Parkinson, erm... 46 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,400 Er... Erm... Er... 47 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,040 Erm... 48 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:20,760 That's him stopped talking now. It's their first holiday together. 49 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,400 It's a big moment. "Just arrived, it's so hot, ha-ha! 50 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,320 "Be good while Mum and Dad are away." 51 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:28,920 Be good! That's for me. 52 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,520 Sinem thinks this whole place will fall into the sea as soon 53 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,640 - as she's not around. - I tell you what, Birdie. 54 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,760 Michael looked like he needed a holiday after 55 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,120 he agreed to hold my foot steady at the chiropodist. 56 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,880 You, you, you'd think that she was the big brother 57 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,640 and I was the little sister! Ha! That's a laughmate! 58 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,960 Laughmate?! Does he think that's one word? 59 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,880 That's not one word, Bulent. 60 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,880 Laugh...mate, that's two words. 61 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,640 I know it's two words. 62 00:03:55,640 --> 00:04:01,120 Oh, yes, Bulent, speaking of, erm... erm, earth...worms. 63 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:05,600 Have you considered my proposals, which also contains, erm...words? 64 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,480 I'm not going to move the beans from four onto three. 65 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,840 It's the right move, Bulent! 66 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,240 - That's not what three's about! - I think Arthur's got a point. 67 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,600 More people telling me how to run my cafe. 68 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,520 - You don't want the menu to go stagnant. - Stagnant?! 69 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,560 You're homeless! 70 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,760 Love of cuisine doesn't need a home, Bulent. It just needs... 71 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,000 - A mouth or something. - Exactly. A mouth or something. 72 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,960 So, come on, you. Spill the beans. Tell us about the audition. 73 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,440 Oh... 74 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,400 Well, the interview went very well. 75 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,880 There was no problems there. 76 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,000 But then they brought in this little sod that kept grabbing 77 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,600 all the toffees. 78 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,960 His mum said, "It's what was written in the script". 79 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,200 And the director took her side. 80 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,480 I tell you, Birdie, 81 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,040 I sometimes think I'm getting nowhere with my life. 82 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,560 Nothing works out for me. Even the acting. 83 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,000 And as you know, of all my talents, 84 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,400 acting is where I truly blossom! 85 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,160 I hate to admit to professional envy, 86 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:07,680 but when I see how my contemporaries are doing, it really gets me down. 87 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:12,080 You know, your Tom Cruises, erm... Your Russell Crowes... 88 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,480 Erm, your Bennerdip Cumbersnatches. 89 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,880 Um, Cumbersmacks. 90 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,600 Er... Um, Benzedrine Humbersmacks. 91 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,880 Hendremaine Bunderstyle. 92 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,040 I know who you mean, Arthur. 93 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,800 No, no, no. I want to get it right. It's annoying me now. 94 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,520 Um... Er, Benedrict Cummerbund. 95 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,760 Um... Er... Benedict Tumblebunch. 96 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,600 Um, Humberland Cumberland. 97 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,760 Erm, no, Bendydick Hungergames. 98 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,840 Um, sodding...Sherlock Holmes! 99 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,280 Hey, now that Sinem's away, I thought that we might... 100 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,400 What? Oh, no, Bulent. 101 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,440 - What? - We're not getting another game going. - Why not? 102 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,960 - Last time was a great success. - You take it too seriously, Bulent. 103 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,800 And anyway, Sinem says you're not allowed to play poker. 104 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,480 Come on, while the cat's away, eh? 105 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,120 Not that I'm a mouse and she's a cat. 106 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,080 I mean, mice are scared of cats, but I'm not scared of Sinem. 107 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,440 Me, scared of Sinem? Ha! That's a laugh...mate. 108 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,120 Arthur! Arthur! 109 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,520 Arthur! I got here as quick as I could. 110 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,120 I just spoke to Ronnie Conway. 111 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,000 He said there's this place on the high street where they're 112 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,520 giving away free biscuits. 113 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:24,800 What? 114 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,320 I was going down there now to see if he's right. 115 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,200 Free biscuits? Free biscuits, you say? 116 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,040 Can it be true? 117 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,120 Ronnie says they asked him a few questions 118 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,880 and he had loads of biscuits. Didn't have to pay for one! 119 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,000 They must be fools to give away biscuits! 120 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,840 - I know. - Ooh! Free biscuits! 121 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,600 It's like I'm dreaming! 122 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,400 You're not dreaming, Arthur. You're wide awake. 123 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,640 They won't be able to stop me if I get going with biscuits. 124 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:56,360 I once ate so many pink wafers, I was sick on Father Christmas. 125 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,880 That's how I lost that job in Selfridges. 126 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:04,040 - Come on! Come on! - Wait a minute, wait a minute! Don't be so hasty. 127 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,560 - How many do you think they're giving away? - I don't know. 128 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,440 Why? What are you thinking? 129 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,240 Just run with me here a moment. 130 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:17,600 What if they were giving thousands away? We could open a little shop. 131 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,640 - A shop? - Yes. A biscuit shop. Why not? 132 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,840 You can work behind the counter and I could meet 133 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,440 and greet the customers. 134 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:28,560 We could use the profits to buy more biscuits. Oh, what am I saying? 135 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,880 I've got too overexcited. Oh! Oh! 136 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,160 Oh, what are we doing? 137 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,600 We're wasting time! 138 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,840 So, what brought you in here? 139 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,880 Well, I've heard very favourable reports from a number of sources. 140 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,480 - Oh! Have you? - I have, Karl. 141 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:02,280 So I thought I'd pop along myself and sample your wares, so to speak. 142 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,880 OK, that's great to hear. Ready to make a start? 143 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,400 I literally can't wait to get started. 144 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,880 Good. Well, the first thing... 145 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,520 Can I just ask - what sort of quantity are we talking about? 146 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,680 - Quantity? - Yes. 147 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,000 You see, I'm asking on behalf of a foolish friend of mine, 148 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,160 who had the ridiculous notion that the quantity might be of shop 149 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,960 opening proportions. 150 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,000 We're not talking those sort of numbers, are we? 151 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,320 - I don't think I fully... - No, of course not. 152 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,600 Of course not. I'll tell him to not be so stupid. 153 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,880 What are they today? 154 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,280 - What are what? - The biscuits. 155 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,520 Is there a biscuit of the day, for example? 156 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,200 I'm not sure what the biscuits are. 157 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,840 The tea and biscuits usually follow the personality test. 158 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,720 Personality test? 159 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,680 - Yes, that's why you're here. - Is it? 160 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,680 Isn't it? 161 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,640 Oh, yes! The personality test. 162 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,080 - Yes, oh, yes. I've got you now. - OK. 163 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,000 So, shall we begin? 164 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,720 These won't give me an electric shock if I tell a lie, will they? 165 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,760 - No, no, no. It's just to give us an E-reading. - Oh, of course. 166 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:09,000 - An E-reading. - OK. First question. 167 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,320 - Have you ever told a lie? - No. 168 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,480 Argh! 169 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,440 Ooh! Ooh! 170 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,720 What...? 171 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,720 What is it? 172 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,400 I thought they gave me an electric shock. 173 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,320 No, I told you. It DOESN'T give you an electric shock. 174 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,320 Can I have a biscuit now? 175 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,600 No. 176 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,200 No. OK. Second question. 177 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,560 Are you a practising homosexual? 178 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,080 Not to my knowledge. 179 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,560 - Have you committed a selfish act? - No. Argh! 180 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:58,760 It is not a lie detector. It doesn't give you a shock. 181 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,760 - It just gives an E-reading. - Of course, of course. 182 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,000 An E-reading. 183 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,280 OK. 184 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,680 Do you sometimes make thoughtless and hurtful remarks to friends? 185 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,440 Yes. 186 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,920 Uh-huh. 187 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,800 Do other people tend to annoy you? 188 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,600 Yes. 189 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,720 - Do you accept criticism gracefully? - Yes. NO! 190 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,040 Give them to me. 191 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,320 Look, I am a woman. I have no head. 192 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,120 I live under the sea. 193 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,360 You see? Not a lie detector. 194 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,120 No electric shock. 195 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,520 All right. 196 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,200 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 197 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,040 I'm all right now. 198 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,360 Are you a greedy person? 199 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,520 No. 200 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,520 So, essentially, OT-1 follows OT Eligibility. 201 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,480 EP or End Phenomena results in an awareness of oneself 202 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,160 in relation to other beings. 203 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,000 Now, OT-1, OT... 204 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,360 OT-1 is a solo-audited level 205 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,400 and the beginning of a Clear's 206 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:16,480 journey towards OT-8, the highest spiritual level. 207 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,080 Tell me more. 208 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,480 - Sounds like you're interested. - I'm very interested, Karl. 209 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,600 OK. Well, welcome on board. 210 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,880 Um... 211 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,600 On an unrelated matter, 212 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,600 is there anywhere I can be sick? 213 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,440 HE CHUCKLES 214 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,880 - You signed up with them? - I did, Eggy. 215 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:59,440 They made some very persuasive pink wafers. Um, points. 216 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,760 But Arthur, they believe in some strange stuff. 217 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,480 No offence, Eggy, but you think Hitler's still alive. 218 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,960 I'll see how it goes with them. 219 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,400 Karl said it would change my life if I became a seismologist. 220 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,560 Um... 221 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,960 They're very influential. 222 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,440 They've got their testicles everywhere. 223 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,120 But if I don't see results soon, I'm out. 224 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,120 Ooh, what a... What a terrible hand(!) 225 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,720 Still, I think I might play, just for the laugh. Raise! 226 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,520 - Fold. - Fold. 227 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,800 Fold. 228 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,680 Raise. 229 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,640 Raise. 230 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,320 - All in! - Call! 231 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,480 - Kings! - Aces! 232 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,680 Ha-ha! 233 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,960 What the hell?! How can you have aces when I have kings?! 234 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,040 What the hell kind of a hand is that? You're having a laughmate! 235 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,760 Doesn't that sound like one word? 236 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,800 All right, Matthew. Don't you worry. You just get better. 237 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,000 - Rufus, I'm really sorry, but no luck. - Oh, you are kidding! 238 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,200 Albert Thornhill has sciatica, Wilf Crabshaw's had a fall, 239 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,800 - Bert Marshall has irritable bowel syndrome. - Ben! Ben! 240 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,080 We are paying for this studio by the minute, 241 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,760 - so just tell me where we are. - We're off the list. 242 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,600 There's only one name left. I know you told me to forget him, 243 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,400 but I don't think we have any choice. 244 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,160 - You are kidding. - It is for the overseas markets. 245 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,760 Maybe once it's dubbed, it won't be so bad. 246 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,840 Ng-ng-ng. 247 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,960 Don't you ever lose? 248 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,160 Two pair, good hand. 249 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,120 Everyone, I'm opening the cafe for business! 250 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,760 Opening for business? 251 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,720 I've got to get to work! 252 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,920 Oh, I had a text from a friend who wants to sit in, 253 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,720 if there's any spaces tonight. 254 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,120 Yes, that's fine, as long as they have the money. 255 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,720 - We start playing at 6pm sharp. - OK. Bye. 256 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,680 - Bye. - Bye. - Ta-ta. 257 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,000 - God, this is going to run for days. - We open in five minutes. 258 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,200 I'm looking for an Arthur Strong. I heard he sometimes comes here. 259 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,080 Oh, I know him. You were at the audition. 260 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,080 Yes, sorry, but we're really desperate. 261 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,960 Every other actor on our list has either died or is seriously ill. 262 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,000 You're the only option we have left. 263 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,320 Well, that's very flattering! 264 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,960 - But you have to come now. - Oh, of course. 265 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,400 Of course. I'd best go. 266 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,320 Here, Eggy, this'll be down to the gynaecologists! 267 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,920 Lead on! 268 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:08,240 - Bulent, are you not going to try and get some sleep? - Sleep?! I'm a man! 269 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,440 Men don't need to sleep! 270 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,240 Argh! 271 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:15,960 - Where have you been? - Sorry. 272 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,840 - He insisted on going home to change. - Hello! Hello! Charmed. Charmed. 273 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,920 - Hello, Arthur. Thank you for doing this. - Oh, it's no trouble. 274 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,560 No trouble at all. I understand how these things work. 275 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,840 Erm, I presume my new friends, the scientists, put in a word. 276 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,120 - What? - Oh, and I must say, I'm glad you saw it my way 277 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,600 and removed our little friend from the equation. 278 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,920 Quite unprofessional. 279 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,120 - I've never seen such unbridled arrogance. - Tommy? 280 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,160 He's five years old. And no, he's still in the ad. 281 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,400 Well, let's work together and see how we can minimise the damage. 282 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,320 Look, the ad hasn't changed, all right? 283 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,000 So, once again, you are a kindly old grandfather, 284 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,680 he is your cheeky, mischievous, young grandson. 285 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,880 All you have to do is reach for a toffee, but he keeps stealing them. 286 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,440 Mm. 287 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,800 Yes? 288 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,120 I'm not sure I agree with your interpretation of the text, Rufus. 289 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,520 - Right. - Move. 290 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:11,600 I think people will want to see ME eating the toffees. 291 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,000 I should at least get one. 292 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,400 Otherwise, how will people know they're edible? 293 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,960 - We're not changing the ad. - Just reassure me, Rufus. 294 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,280 I will get a toffee, if I want one. 295 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,920 I'm sorry. But that is a deal breaker. 296 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,680 You'll get a toffee. 297 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,000 First biscuits, now toffees. 298 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,760 And all because I've become a urologist! 299 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,480 - Hello, Tommy. Are you ready to go? - Yes. - All right. 300 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,360 I've just got to go and check something 301 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,760 and then we'll get started. 302 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,440 Hello. 303 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,560 Hello. 304 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,200 Good evening, everybody! 305 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,480 Deal me in, please, John. 306 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,520 I'm getting more chips. 307 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,120 He has a problem. 308 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,520 - He shouldn't be playing poker. - Oh, we don't play that often. 309 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,800 He has to get it out of his system somehow. 310 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,600 Every year, he loses all his money and every year, 311 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,760 we figure out ways of giving it back to him. 312 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,840 All that trash talk as well. 313 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,480 Not very graceful in his manners. 314 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,800 That's why we always make him wait before we give him his money back. 315 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,720 Last year, we had the use of his car for two days! 316 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:28,280 - It was a lovely weekend that, wasn't it, Eggy? - Oh, it was. 317 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:32,000 OK, you suckers. I've got my mojo back. 318 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,920 Ha-ha-ha! Lo-o-osers! 319 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,280 How was your ad, Arthur? 320 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:41,000 Eggy, take my word. You have to become a zoologist. 321 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,720 Been going great for me, ever since I signed up with them. 322 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,400 MOBILE RINGS 323 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,960 Hello. Security. 324 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,600 No, it's very quiet. 325 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,200 OK. Bye-bye. 326 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,800 - So it went well, then? - Very well, yes. 327 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:13,080 Although my co-star continued to be an absolute nightmare! 328 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,320 We were all sat there waiting and Arthur says... 329 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,840 - Michael, you are still talking about Arthur. - Am I? 330 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,400 - No, it's just a funny story. - You're constantly talking about him. 331 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,800 You make it sound like I've got a mental problem. 332 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,680 You have some sort of problem. And you're not going to be able 333 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,920 to enjoy this holiday until you admit it. 334 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,640 ITALIAN TV ON 335 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:50,120 ARTHUR DUBBED IN ITALIAN 336 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,160 - Sinem? - Yeah. 337 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,000 I have a problem. 338 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,600 You never heard of a pooper scooper? 339 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,280 CAR HORN 340 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,680 CAR HORN 341 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,880 Mate! Mate! Get out of the road! 342 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,760 Mate, get out of the road! It was a joke! 343 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,640 Get out of the road! There's cars coming, bruv! 344 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,880 - Get out of the road! - Please, get out of the road! 345 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,360 HORN BEEPS 346 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,880 Mate, get out of the road! 347 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,120 HORN BEEPS 348 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,640 Mate! Get out of the road! 349 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,320 CAR HORN 350 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,040 'Things have been going great for me, 351 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,240 'ever since I became a climatologist.' 352 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,560 APPLAUSE 353 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:17,240 When I used to watch Flash Gordon, as a little boy, 354 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,880 I remember thinking - wouldn't it be amazing 355 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,840 if all this rubbish was true? 356 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,760 Well, tonight, 357 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:31,280 I want to thank you for making one little boy's dream become a reality. 358 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,600 Live long and prosper. 359 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,640 No, no, it's fine. We've just broken for lunch. 360 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:44,920 What? 361 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,560 Say that again. 362 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:48,960 They want more?! 363 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,840 You're kidding! 364 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,000 With Arthur? 365 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,240 Ng-ng-ng. 366 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,160 Arthur, what are you wearing? 367 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:08,520 I have to look the part, now I'm an ambassador for the geologists. 368 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,720 Well, I sus-pose the Americans have Tom Cruise, 369 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,440 and the British side of the operation has me. 370 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,240 Yes. You never know, we might do a film together. 371 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:21,320 Where he's a secret agent and I'm a streetwise hacker. 372 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,720 Well, be careful, Arthur. 373 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:31,280 It's not like you to be so...whatever you are at the moment. 374 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,960 Damn it! I couldn't get any more money out. 375 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,640 - I reached my limit. - Just call, Bulent. You have enough. - No! 376 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,560 I want to raise. My hand is good enough. 377 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:40,840 But you don't have any money. 378 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,400 - Just call me. - No, I tell you, my hand is gold! I want to raise! 379 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,760 - But you don't have any money. - I bet something! Anything! 380 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,360 What? What are you going to bet? 381 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,160 'Tea, please, Arthur.' 382 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,400 Oh, this is even better than a biscuit shop, eh? 383 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,440 Fried food on tap. 384 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,440 And they want me to do another toffee ad. 385 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,720 There you are. 386 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,240 1.90, please, Eggy. 387 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,120 Thanking you. 388 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,760 Bulent, table five needs a wipe. 389 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,320 Come on, get a shift on. I've got a business to run. 390 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,800 Oh, actually, while you're here, um, 391 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,960 I'd like a quick word about the revised menu. 392 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,400 Now, listen carefully, Bulent. 393 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:37,480 The beans you would normally have on four, I would like to put on three. 394 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:41,240 Obviously, the follow on from that would mean that the 395 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,360 fried bread has to go on five. 396 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:47,400 Which would mean we have to create a new number for all 397 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,760 the knocked-on ingredients. 398 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,680 This number, I would like to call six. 399 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,560 Which I'm sure would also prove to be a popular seller. 400 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,440 So, action that, would you? 401 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:05,040 Because I want to go and have a lovely little lie down. 402 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,200 Traditional London welcome. 403 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:13,760 You all right? 404 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,680 Yes, just wondering what kind of a mess I'm coming back to. 405 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,640 Hey! 406 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,120 Oh, wow! 407 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:26,480 The place looks great. 408 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,320 Hello, Michael. How was it? 409 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,080 Oh, it was really, really good. 410 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,880 Yeah, properly forgot about everything. Proper holiday. 411 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,640 Thanks to that woman there. 412 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,240 Who, me? 413 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,480 No. 414 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,000 - So? How was it? - Good, good. Very good. 415 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,880 There's just one thing. 416 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,240 HE YAWNS 417 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,560 Have you peeled those potatoes, Bulent? 418 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,720 Arthur owns the cafe. 419 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,520 Sinem, you're back! 420 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,080 What's happening? 421 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,280 Can everyone else see what I can see? 422 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,760 Welcome back, Michael! 423 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,480 Can anyone else see what Arthur looks like? 424 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,720 Oh, it's been quite a week for me! 425 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,320 Everything's been going great. 426 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:21,120 - I've been getting acting jobs, I can't lose at poker. - Poker?! 427 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:22,400 Don't shout at me! 428 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,040 - And now, I own the cafe! - What? 429 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:29,440 Yep. And it's all because of mythology. 430 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,400 Um, erm...pathology. 431 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,400 Sociology. 432 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,960 - What is it I'm in again? ALL: - Scientology. 433 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,320 Oh, that's right. 434 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,280 You're a scientologist?! I've been away for a week! 435 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,040 Arthur, don't you know about scientology? 436 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,040 Haven't you heard what they're about? All the documentaries? 437 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,040 I don't need documentaries. 438 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:53,560 All I know is all the world thought I was useless up until now, eh? 439 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,360 Since I joined the seismologists, well, I think 440 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:59,280 the results speak for themselves. 441 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,200 Don't worry, I'll try to remain down to earth. 442 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,200 You're wearing a giant medal! 443 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,080 They've got you wearing a polo neck. 444 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,800 You look like you're about to announce the new iPhone. 445 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,880 I put this together myself. 446 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,320 Yeah, it's what you're sus-posed to wear. 447 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:20,160 Anywhere, must run along. Got a little acting job waiting for me. 448 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,880 Oh, Arthur, don't fall in with that lot. Please! 449 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:30,160 Rufus, how marvellous to be working with you again! 450 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,960 - Have you lost weight? - Hello, Arthur. 451 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,520 Get you in the chair, we'll go for a rehearsal. 452 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,440 Actually, I thought I might try something different today. 453 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,240 - Display my versatility. - No. No, Arthur, no. 454 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,680 No, for some reasons, the Italians thought the first ad was hilarious. 455 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:49,880 So luckily for you, we won't need an actor. Just need you to be yourself. 456 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,360 A cranky, greedy, old man. 457 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,680 No. 458 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,120 Thanks though, Tommy. 459 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,600 I pocketed about 20 on the way to the set. 460 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,560 You all right? 461 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,720 You seem to have lost that...urologist's glow. 462 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,400 I don't know what I was thinking, Michael. 463 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,800 I've just made a fool of myself. 464 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,960 Wasn't scientology that gave me all this. 465 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,800 It was just a streak of luck I was on. 466 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,440 - I'll tell you what it was... - Arthur? 467 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,400 - Yeah? - Give Bulent his cafe back. 468 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,320 Oh, OK. 469 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,480 Thank you. 470 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:59,440 I'll tell you what, it was greed that brought me to this sorry state. 471 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:03,240 Greed for biscuits, greed for money, greed for toffees. 472 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,960 Beware greed, Michael. For greed never rests until it is satisfied. 473 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,640 And greed is never satisfied. 474 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,920 It is the... Hang on. 475 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,280 Hey, this is chocolate! 476 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,920 MUFFLED: Oh, sorry. Did you want some? 477 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,800 It's fine. I'm getting something to eat. 478 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,800 - What can I get you? - Oh, that's new. 479 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,800 I'll have a number six, please, Bulent. 480 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,480 I told you it'd do well.