1 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:16,240 It's very realistic, isn't it? 2 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:17,840 Oh, we're known for our realism, John. 3 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,160 Me and Terry don't do things by halves. 4 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,720 But what happens, Arthur? You go to people's houses, and what? 5 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,920 We give them a murder mystery experience. 6 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,800 They find a body, look for clues 7 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,440 and try to work out whodunnit. 8 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,600 You know, like Agatha Whatsit 9 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,120 with er...Hercule Biro and Mrs Marbles. 10 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,040 Who are you playing tonight? 11 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,400 Chief Inspector! 12 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,840 You've shot up through the ranks. 13 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,280 Imagine a world where that could happen. 14 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,360 Bulent, you have to! 15 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,280 Shouting again. This is shouting. 16 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,400 He's going to notice, he's not an idiot! 17 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,320 Well, it's all very impressive, Arthur. 18 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,880 Thanks, John. This'll show bloody Martin Clunes. 19 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,200 - I'm sorry? - Martin Clunes. 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,960 - What about him? - Don't like him. 21 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,360 He knocked into me once in Currys 22 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,600 when we were both after the same meat thermometer. 23 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,000 Took half the skin off the back of my hand 24 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,640 because of his abnormally long fingernails. 25 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,040 Look! I'll have that until the day I die. 26 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:19,000 Plus, he's got no range. He's always either a vet or a doctor. 27 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,480 I've been a bishop, a chauffeur, an international swimmer. 28 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,840 And what do they have in common, all these great roles? 29 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,160 - Have you told him? - They're all hugely challenging parts. 30 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,800 They're all dead! 31 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,720 And dead. Yes, they have all passed away. 32 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,920 I saw the website. He plays the victim in all of them. 33 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:43,240 While it's true that I specialise in the recently, um...annihilated, 34 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:47,600 Terry tells me we've had some very strong reviews on, um...TripAdvisor. 35 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,240 And tonight's one has a little bit of a twist. 36 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,280 My character, Chief Inspector Gregson, 37 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,080 gets too close to the truth. 38 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,880 So he's killed. 39 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,320 All he does is lie down on the floor. 40 00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,600 And I bet he can't even do that. 41 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,600 It's not as easy as it sounds, Bulent. 42 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,480 No acting is easy for you. You are not an actor! 43 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,120 And you lot, you encourage him! It's cruel! 44 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,880 For your information, I've become known for characters 45 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,360 going through a process of, um...rigor mortis. 46 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,000 Ask around! 47 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,640 Oh, yes, I think you'll find 48 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:18,120 everyone's talking about my stiff parts. 49 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,960 What are you smiling at? 50 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,160 Am I? 51 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,240 Oh. Er...no, I didn't mean... 52 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,400 I'm just going to get a cup of tea. 53 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,840 You all right? I saw you and Bulent having a thing. 54 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,920 Oh! My dad's visiting. 55 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,240 He has this habit of suggesting improvements for the cafe. 56 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,680 Improvements? Ha! 57 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,560 But you have to see him! 58 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,240 Your dad? Oh. Right. Is he...? 59 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,280 Presumably... 60 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,280 We should probably... I should probably 61 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:51,960 tell him about our, um... 62 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,800 our... 63 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,160 personal... 64 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:58,480 ..business. 65 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,640 Ha! No! 66 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,120 - Did you hear that? - What? - Sinem. 67 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:11,160 Unless I'm misreading her, I don't think she wants me to meet her dad. 68 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,040 Oh, well, I can understand that. 69 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,840 What? Why? 70 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,160 Well, you're not very impressive, are you? 71 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:18,800 You're not an impressive person. 72 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,480 You're...you're...you're underwhelming. 73 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,320 You don't have "it". 74 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,200 Can you believe how rude Bulent was to me just then? 75 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,760 - Hi, again. - Hiya! 76 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,560 I just want to make sure I got this right. 77 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,200 You don't want me to meet your father? 78 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,800 No, no. No...I don't. 79 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,840 No, I definitely don't want you to meet him, no. 80 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,720 No. Sorry, but no. 81 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,840 What's your spider sense picking up now? 82 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,000 Michael, my dad, he's been through a lot. 83 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,760 It toughened him up. 84 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,040 He likes men to be...like him. 85 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,440 Manly. 86 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,840 HE GASPS 87 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,600 I am manly! 88 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,320 I am very manly! 89 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,040 Ow, you're hurting my arm! 90 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,520 Michael, you're one of the gentlest, sweetest men... 91 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:09,360 Oh, Sinem, I think you've got an idea of me that's just not true. 92 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:13,000 I mean, I know I'm not macho in the typical sense... 93 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,760 Mm! These blueberries are exquisite! 94 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,920 I definitely don't think you should meet my father. 95 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,120 Get out of the kitchen! 96 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:34,200 - "Not an actor"(!) - Oh, don't let him get to you, Arthur. 97 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:38,120 My...my corpse is the glue that holds the evening together. 98 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,880 You should see the electric effect I have 99 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,200 when they come in and I don't do anything. 100 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,760 All right, everyone, if you open your envelopes, 101 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,800 you'll find your character biographies. 102 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,720 In a moment, we'll go through this door and the experience will begin. 103 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,840 Examine the scene, record any clues in the notebooks we've provided, 104 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,440 and try and stay in character because it's more fun that way. 105 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,120 And above all, enjoy yourselves! Hm! 106 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,920 - BAD COCKNEY ACCENT: - Well, I do believe dinner is about to be served, 107 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,880 so let me just see what my mentor and superior officer, 108 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,200 Inspector Gregson, is up to. 109 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,960 HE GASPS 110 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,320 Inspector! 111 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,320 Inspector Gregson! 112 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,560 He...he... 113 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,880 ..he's dead! 114 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,320 Murdered! 115 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:33,720 So now it's over to you. 116 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,480 One of you is a murderer, 117 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,960 and it's up to the rest of you to find out who it is. 118 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,360 This much is certain. 119 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,720 Inspector Gregson, the one man who could have solved this mystery, is dead. 120 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,520 Who killed him? Why? 121 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,360 ARTHUR SPLUTTERS 122 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,000 Why was he killed? 123 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,080 Ooh, hang on, hang on, I'm on me keys. 124 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,840 Was he killed because he knew too much? 125 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,080 Sorry, they're travelling. 126 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,760 How was he killed, and what was the murder weapon? 127 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,960 That's better. Carry on. I'm completely dead now. 128 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:10,320 A few questions to consider. Did somebody want to keep him quiet? 129 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,280 ARTHUR FARTS 130 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,240 Oh! Excuse me. 131 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,600 Just imagine that was posthumous gas escaping. 132 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,160 Let me just, er...check. 133 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,840 Make sure he's definitely dead. 134 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,560 - WHISPERS: - Um...they're all here. 135 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,000 Oh...oh...oh, yes. All right, I quite understand. 136 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,920 Just let me get a bit more comfortable. 137 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,560 There. Oh, I'm very cosy now. 138 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,360 You won't hear another word. 139 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,280 Now he's completely, definitely dead. 140 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,640 But we will solve this murder. We have to. 141 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,920 So enjoy the next few hours, 142 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:53,320 for this will be the most suspenseful dinner you've ever had. 143 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,160 ARTHUR SNORES 144 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,840 Do you want to wake him up, tell him to be more dead? 145 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,440 Should we just ignore it? 146 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:03,000 Bloody Bulent! Knock your block off! 147 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,120 - Arthur, wake up! - Talk to me like that! 148 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,760 What, is it...is it all over? 149 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,560 Who'd have thought that the murderer... 150 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,640 Don't give it away, Arthur! 151 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,000 Oh, what, it's not all over? 152 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,080 Very well, my lips are sealed. 153 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,360 - Just don't take your eye off Lord Chumley. - Oh! 154 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,360 I'm sorry, Terry, I hate that I let you down. 155 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,880 What happened in there? 156 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,960 It's just, sometimes, I get a bit stiff, lying there all night. 157 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,440 I'd love to get a chance to test my skills. 158 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:31,760 We had a deal, Arthur. 159 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:36,840 I know we did, I know. But I'm sick of being the inanimate eye candy. 160 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,560 Look...when we...when we set this up, 161 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,480 we agreed I would do all the acting. 162 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,640 Yes, but you don't know what I can do! You haven't seen my form! 163 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,080 Tonight, all you had to do was lie there and you couldn't even do that! 164 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:53,200 Right, well, you're not the first that's said that to me today. 165 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,880 Are we going to start a different one? 166 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:56,240 Yeah. Sorry, we're just coming. 167 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,120 Come on, let's do Murder on Mount Everest. 168 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,800 Arthur? 169 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,520 Arthur? 170 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,000 You all right, Eggy? 171 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:14,120 Yeah. It's Arthur. He looked really hurt by what Bulent said. 172 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,200 It's true that he hasn't had a real acting job in ages. 173 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,400 I don't think I've seen him in anything proper. 174 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,560 I do wonder if maybe Bulent doesn't have a point. 175 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:26,000 Are we being cruel, do you think, by encouraging him? 176 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,880 SAD MUSIC 177 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,560 TYRES SCREECH 178 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,120 - Get off me! I'm all right! - Are you OK, sir? 179 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,600 I'm all right, I'm all right! 180 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,680 Here you are, Inspector. 181 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,720 - DEEP VOICE: - You all right, John? 182 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,080 You all right? 183 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,200 Oh! All right, Michael? 184 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,200 Whatcha doin'? You havin' a...you havin' a butcher's at the ponies? 185 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,400 Yeah. 186 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,800 I didn't think you was interested, Michael. 187 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,360 Try me, Johnny boy. 188 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,720 There's a nice little runner going in the 3:20 at Newmarket today. 189 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,640 Pretty Prancer. She'll love the ground. 190 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,680 The stable's in form and the jockey's got a 7lb claim. 191 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,760 That's got to be worth a bull's-eye! 192 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,600 Yeah, I don't understand what you're saying. Am I a manly man? 193 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,920 - Huh? - Well, you're manly. 194 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,280 - That's true. - Do you think I am? 195 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,720 Manly, I mean? 196 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,400 Well, maybe not in a classic sense. 197 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:25,160 - Right. - You have an air about you that's very delicate. 198 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,560 Like a... 199 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,600 baby deer. 200 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,200 Or just a baby. 201 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,360 I'm like a baby? 202 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,920 Yeah, we're here now, Helen. Door's been forced open. 203 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,600 Attempted break-in. 204 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,560 I think we've scared them off. I'll have a look, anyway. 205 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,800 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 206 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,280 Sorry, Inspector, they didn't tell us they were sending anyone. 207 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,160 They didn't tell you a lot of things, did they? Who else is here? 208 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,440 - Constable Bennett. - Constable Bennett...SIR! 209 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,640 - Sorry, sir! - That's all right, lad. New on the job? 210 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,880 - Um... - You're doing fine. Take me to Bennett. 211 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,840 Hey. You should meet my father when he's in town. 212 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,880 Somewhere far away from the cafe. 213 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,760 - Sinem, doesn't want me to. - Sinem doesn't know what she wants! 214 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,720 She is a woman, we are men! 215 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,960 Thank you, Bulent. 216 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,880 You going to let yourself be controlled by a woman? Ha! 217 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,320 - What kind of man are you? - She's in the hatch. 218 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,160 - QUIETER: - Ha! What kind of man are you? 219 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,360 I just do what I want. 220 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,640 No woman can control me. 221 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,840 - WHISPERS: - Looks like she can hear you. 222 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,600 I don't know how to make my voice go lower. 223 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,560 You should meet my father, so I don't have to. 224 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,760 It would be good for everyone. 225 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,600 - OK, I'll meet him. - Good. 226 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,440 Is she still there? 227 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,200 - Yes. - OK. 228 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,880 I don't know how to end this conversation, 229 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,240 so I'm just going to leave for no reason. 230 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,200 I don't want any corners cut, Bennett. 231 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,280 Of course. But it's all fairly routine, isn't it? 232 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,560 Is it, Bennett? Is it indeed? 233 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,880 Go on, then, talk me through it, I could use a laugh. 234 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,760 Well, the intruder gained entry by forcing the front door. 235 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,960 We won't know what's missing until we've tracked the owner down. 236 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,680 Very good. But I want you to do something for me. 237 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,800 Look around the room, tell me what you see. 238 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,360 - Look beyond the obvious. - How do you mean? 239 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,440 The table! Look at the table! 240 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,600 Gordon Bennett, Bennett! 241 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:37,920 There's a remainder of a meal. 242 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,160 A half-eaten meal. Which means? 243 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,480 The person who left it didn't have time to clean up? 244 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:46,640 Or...he, or she, or they, or it, 245 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,440 were interrupted by person or persons unknown. 246 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:50,880 I'm not sure what you're saying. 247 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,560 It's not for me to say what I'm saying. 248 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,240 I have more important things to do! 249 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,880 Get Forensics in here! 250 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,040 I want everything that isn't nailed down in a test tube by this evening. 251 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,880 Really? But it's just a break-in. 252 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,480 I have a hunch, Bennett. 253 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,960 And when I have a hunch, I follow my nose, see where it takes me. 254 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,880 And I've been to some pretty dark places and back 255 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,480 with this nose and, um...my, er...hunch. 256 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,600 Throw a half-mile cordon around the area. 257 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,000 I want this place sealed off. 258 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,840 No-one gets in, no-one gets out. 259 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,680 Um...except me, obviously. 260 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:24,240 And...and you, and the police, all the police. 261 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,040 All the police get in and out, but no-one else does. 262 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,800 Unless it's Cracker, or someone like that. Understood? 263 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,640 Good man. Now, get on with it! 264 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,280 I hope to God I'm wrong. 265 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,600 SIRENS WAIL 266 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,560 Find something, damn you, find something! 267 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,280 What is it you think they'll find, sir? 268 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,120 I'm not in the business of second-guessing what I'm thinking. 269 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,080 I deal in facts, Bennett. Hard, cold facts. 270 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,080 It's what's got me wherever it is I am today. 271 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640 - The press are here. - Give me strength! 272 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,240 All right, all right, I'll deal with them. 273 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,760 Police have cordoned off the immediate area, 274 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,240 with many people unable to get into their homes. 275 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,200 We're joined by Chief Inspector Gregson. Thank you for joining us. 276 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,520 - Lovely to be here. - What can you tell us about what's going on? 277 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,200 Well, as you'll appreciate, Donna, 278 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,400 the investigation is in its very early stages 279 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,040 and I wouldn't want to say anything that could compromise 280 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,640 or jer-opodise an ongoing investigation. 281 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,200 Is it a murder investigation? 282 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:34,240 At this point, I can neither confirm nor deny that. 283 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,240 But what I can tell you is this, 284 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,840 I and my men and I will move heaven and earth 285 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,720 to get to the bottom of whatever is or isn't going on here. 286 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:46,520 Rest assured, someone will pay for...this sort of thing. 287 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,800 What have you found in the garden? 288 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,840 I'm afraid I am unable to answer that question 289 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,400 due to the Official Secretions Act. 290 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,960 Now, if there are no more questions, I'll return to my investigation. 291 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:00,760 Nothing more to see here, nothing more to see. Good day. 292 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,600 Get a move on digging that garden up! 293 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,240 - What were you talking about? - Nothing! 294 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,920 - Michael! - Stop towering over me, you're frightening me. 295 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,400 PHONE RINGS 296 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,080 Hello? 297 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,480 Yes, yes, speaking. 298 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,160 What? 299 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,160 Yes. Yes, I'm coming. 300 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,320 - You OK? - It's Arthur, he's at the hospital. 301 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,920 If I could just ask you a few questions about who did this to you? 302 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,080 Ephonemia? 303 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,640 I've never heard of it. 304 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,280 He's in a sort of sleepwalking state. 305 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,320 For Arthur, this identity he's assumed is more real than real. 306 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,160 It could be dangerous to rouse him from it. 307 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,520 - What can we do? - Well, it may sound odd, 308 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,280 but give him a mystery to solve. 309 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,880 It could well unravel the contradictions in his psyche. 310 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,320 That seems...crazy. 311 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,360 Oh, OK. What would I know(?) 312 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,480 Oh, gosh! No, sorry. Um... 313 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,120 Thank you. Thank you, Doctor. 314 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,960 Hm! Um... 315 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,680 All right, Detective Inspector...sir. 316 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,640 There's a new case for you to crack. 317 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,240 Very good. Lead on, son. 318 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,760 This one should do it - Murder at the Manor. 319 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,720 - No! I refuse! - Bulent, you said you'd help him. 320 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,120 I thought you meant make him a cup of tea or something! 321 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,800 The doctor said he has to have a whole experience. 322 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,760 Do you want to speak to the doctor? 323 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,200 - Do you think you know better than a doctor? - Well, good luck. 324 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,400 Thanks again, Terry. 325 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,160 Oh, don't thank me, just take care of my stuff and take care of Arthur. 326 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,600 I still don't like this. 327 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,360 Come on, Bulent, we don't want to leave Arthur like this, do we? 328 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,640 Confused, aggressive and weird? 329 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,480 - Where is he? - He's looking through your dustbin for clues. 330 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,240 What?! Oh, actually, that's fine. 331 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,520 Right, parts. 332 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,080 - John, Biggs the chauffeur. - Ah! 333 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,720 Eggy, Lady Margery. 334 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:15,320 Lady Margery? Ooh, nobility! 335 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:20,040 Bulent, Lord Swatton's estranged son Oliver. 336 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,640 And Sinem, his beautiful but enigmatic daughter Margaret. 337 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,840 And I am Constable Harker, 338 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:30,720 a disillusioned cop with a chip on his shoulder and a fiery temper. 339 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,640 What's this? "A sickly effeminate Englishman 340 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,200 "who always overthinks things 341 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,640 "and therefore cannot live his life to the full." 342 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,960 - DEEP VOICE: - I've got a temper. 343 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,640 I take it His Lordship's body has been removed? 344 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,680 Yes, sir! 345 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,040 - What do I call you? - Harker, sir! Constable Harker, sir! 346 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,040 Harker. Wasn't your father on the force? 347 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,000 - I don't know. - Bit of a loose cannon, as I recall. 348 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,920 Is that what I've got on my hands here, Harker, a loose cannon? 349 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,040 I am a bit of a loose cannon, sir, but not too much. 350 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,920 Glad to hear it. Glad to hear it, Harker. Very glad to hear it. 351 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,160 Glad to hear it indeed! 352 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,640 What? 353 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,880 I didn't say anything. 354 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,480 Good, good. I like you, Harker. 355 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,160 We should go for a pint and talk about how unhappy I am. 356 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,080 And who do we have here? 357 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,560 Lady Margery Swatton, sir. 358 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,000 A pleasure, milady. 359 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,040 SQUELCHY KISS 360 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,160 Could I offer my condolences 361 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,400 at what must be a very difficult time for you. 362 00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:00,040 Yes. It...it came as a terrible shock to us all. 363 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,960 Is she not fragrant? 364 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,320 If you're up to it, my lady, I need to ask you a few questions. 365 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,280 Of course. But be quick, won't you? 366 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,360 A lady needs her beauty sleep. 367 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,680 Then that would be a very short sleep indeed. 368 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,280 And you are quite, um... 369 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,200 er...er...a corker! 370 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,440 Indeed, if I were not here professionally, 371 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,560 I would be all over you, 372 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,800 like a German Shepherd on some... 373 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:32,880 chicken. 374 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,200 Please, park it here. 375 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,640 - Cigarette? - Where? 376 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,280 HE LAUGHS 377 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,960 Oh, delightful! Quite delightful! 378 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,920 But if I may just be serious for a moment, 379 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,920 did you kill your husband?! And why?! 380 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,120 - No! - Well, I don't think there'll anything else. 381 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:57,000 I-I do apologise, my lady, for giving you such a severe probing. 382 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:02,360 I have to ask. It's my job, it's what I do. 383 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,440 I understand. 384 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,240 Thank you, Inspector. 385 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,280 If you need me, just whistle. 386 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,760 You know how to whistle, don't you? 387 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,200 You open your lips a little bit 388 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,440 and put your tongue against the base of your bottom teeth 389 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:21,640 and exhale with some force, avoiding sputum. 390 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,320 I was in the car with her ladyship. 391 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,400 - What time, Biggs? - I can't remember. 392 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,600 Can't remember, or won't remember? 393 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,240 Can't. I didn't read the little card. 394 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,880 Oh, I've had just about enough of this! 395 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,160 I've got the guv'nor giving me it in the neck 396 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,920 and you, on the other end, jerking my chain! 397 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,240 And my ass is in a sling! 398 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,960 I don't know what you're talking about! 399 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:56,000 Answer the question, Biggs! 400 00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,200 Calm down, Michael! 401 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,320 All right, all right, time-out! 402 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,960 You have to forgive Constable Harker, he's a bit of a wild one. 403 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,800 I'm a loose canon! 404 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,000 In fact, sometimes, I have to hold him back, 405 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,680 - or goodness knows what he's capable of. - Mmm. 406 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,120 Oh, get him out of my sight! 407 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,440 Don't leave town, Mr Chauffeur, 408 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,160 or you'll be chauffeuring yourself into prison! 409 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,640 I sus-pose you're all wondering why I gathered you here this evening? 410 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,880 Here you are, Miss, dry those eyes. 411 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,120 - EMOTIONAL: - Thank you. 412 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,800 - SEDUCTIVE: - You're very kind. 413 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,640 Make this quick! I have better things to do with my time! 414 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,360 Oh, we all have somewhere we'd rather be. 415 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,680 I'd quite like to be listening to classical music 416 00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,000 while drinking real ale in a Jaguar. 417 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,760 Or talking through the events of the day with my alcoholic sister. 418 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,520 But I find myself here, clearing this mess up. Biggs! 419 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,880 - Who, me? - You say you were talking to Lady Margery this morning? 420 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,200 - That's right. - Talking, you say? 421 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,920 - Think carefully before you answer. - Yes. 422 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,800 I put it to you there was very little talking going on. 423 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,280 In fact, the talking was probably along the lines of, 424 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,880 "Take your jumper off. Not bad for my age, am I?" 425 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,040 and, "Do you need a blast of your inhaler?" 426 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:37,400 It's true! I do have feelings for him! 427 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:38,680 Madge, don't! 428 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,440 - We love each other! - Think of what it'll do to your family! 429 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,480 I don't care who knows! 430 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,360 I'm glad it's out! Glad, do you hear me? 431 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,800 But I never killed my husband! 432 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,160 You must believe me, Inspector! 433 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,560 SOBS 434 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,000 Incidentally, don't you think it's about time 435 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,360 you told your daughter who her father is? 436 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:03,440 - What do you mean? - Oh, come, come. Look at the likeness! 437 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,120 Daddy? 438 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:10,600 All right? 439 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,920 A moving family reunion. 440 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,520 Which brings me to you. 441 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,080 OK, come on, let's get this over with. 442 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,520 Your alibi was that you were playing tennis when your father was killed. 443 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,320 Who was your opponent? 444 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,880 - I don't know. - OK, let's stick to what we do know. 445 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,520 - You don't think very much of your stepmother, do you? - No. 446 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,200 - And your father? - My father is a hero to me. 447 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,240 Is he? Is he really? 448 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:41,720 What are you saying? 449 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:45,160 You've always thought your father was a little ashamed of you, haven't you? 450 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,120 - No! - You always wanted to make him proud, didn't you? 451 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,800 - Of course! - But it was not forthcoming, his pride in you, was it? 452 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,920 And so, you came to resent him! 453 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,440 - Mind what you say! - This man who you could never do right by! 454 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,840 - That's not true! - Which is why you wanted to get rid of him. 455 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,440 No, it's not true! It's not true! 456 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,360 But you had an accomplice, didn't you? 457 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,880 Constable Harker! 458 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:15,440 - What? - It was you who agreed to meet his father at a specified location. 459 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,120 You who said you'd look after him. 460 00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,320 I-I-I-I don't know what you're talking about. 461 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:24,480 Oh, I think you do, Constable. I very much think you do. 462 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,720 Wait, is this real now? Bulent? 463 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,400 - S-S-Shut up! - I just need to check. 464 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,760 - WHISPERS: - Shut up, damn you, shut up! 465 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,280 Is what real? Michael, what's going on? 466 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,840 Don't be too hard on him, Miss. He did it for love. 467 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,640 It's true. Your father... 468 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,120 Bulent asked me to take care of him. 469 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:44,480 Damn you, you fool! You've ruined everything! 470 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,520 You ARE meeting Dad! 471 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,400 - All right! - And so am I! 472 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,640 - Michael! - No, I'm sorry, Sinem, but I insist! 473 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,360 I really think you're great and I want to meet your dad 474 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:56,280 because I bet he's great, too. 475 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,160 And you're my girlfriend, 476 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,560 and boyfriends should meet their girlfriends' fathers. 477 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,480 It's the rules. 478 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,440 Um...OK. 479 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,560 Well, it looks like... 480 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,720 It looks like they've, um... 481 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,600 Oh, I'm sorry. They've... Ooh! 482 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,720 - Arthur?! - Hey! - Arthur! 483 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,720 What's going on?! What's happening?! 484 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,440 Hey, idiot man! 485 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,040 Get up, idiot man! 486 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,240 Got you! 487 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,160 - What?! - ARTHUR LAUGHS 488 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,960 Got all of you! How about that? 489 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,880 You all said I couldn't act! 490 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,200 You said I couldn't even play a dead person! 491 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,960 Well, what do you think now, eh? 492 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,400 I fooled the police, I fooled them at the hospital 493 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:40,520 and then I fooled you! 494 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,320 - I'll kill you! - Steady on, Bulent! 495 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,440 You don't want to give yourself a turn! 496 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:45,760 - Let go! - Bulent! - I'll kill him! 497 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,840 - Bulent! - I'll kill him! - Bulent! - I'll kill him! 498 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,560 - DEEP VOICE: - Leave it! 499 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,200 Oh! 500 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,360 So, you knew what was happening all the time? 501 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,840 Yep. When I saw those policemen, I thought I'd have a bit of fun, 502 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,400 and it just got out of hand. 503 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,840 When they found out I wasn't a real policeman, 504 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,560 I nearly got into trouble, so I blamed it on the knock on the head 505 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,080 and they took me to hospital, and the rest, you know. 506 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,400 Well, whatever I said about your acting, I take it back. 507 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:20,800 Why is the counter here? 508 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,160 I like it here. 509 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,480 Well, it should be there. 510 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,320 Well, it's not, it's here. 511 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:29,080 You! You say you are seeing my daughter? 512 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,600 That's right. 513 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,600 Have you ever been arrested for fighting for democracy? 514 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,920 - DEEP VOICE: - Not yet. 515 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,040 All right, come on. Now you're in London, what would you like to do? 516 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,280 Yes, we're going to take you on a day out. 517 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,560 - What do you fancy? - I'm busy today. 518 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,160 Busy? With what? 519 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,040 Come on, then, Mahzu! 520 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,560 Arthur, where shall we go first? 521 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,520 - Bookies? - Good idea! 522 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,040 Maybe John can give us a few tips. 523 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,760 Bulent, I will see you later for dinner. 524 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,160 Oh, and Bulent? 525 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,360 I like the menu. 526 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,720 Good menu. 527 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,360 Oh, Arthur? Arthur? There's just one thing I don't quite understand. 528 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,320 The doctor who said you had ephonemia, how did you get him involved? 529 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,200 - What? - The doctor who said you had to solve mystery. 530 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,600 First I've heard of it. 531 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,520 - You didn't meet a doctor? - No. 532 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,200 Oh. 533 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,880 I wonder what happened there? 534 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,000 All right, Detective Inspector...sir. 535 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,480 There's a new case for you to crack. 536 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,360 Very good. Lead on, son. 537 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,560 But I have more patients! 538 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,160 Now, now, Peter, you're not a doctor. 539 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,520 You've just had a nasty bump on the head.