1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:08,334
*
2
00:00:08,334 --> 00:00:11,501
* you won't admit
you love me *
3
00:00:11,501 --> 00:00:13,300
* and so *
4
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,834
* how am i ever *
5
00:00:15,834 --> 00:00:17,834
* to know *
6
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:20,400
* you always tell me *
7
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,767
* perhaps *
8
00:00:21,767 --> 00:00:22,868
* perhaps *
9
00:00:22,868 --> 00:00:25,100
* perhaps *
10
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:27,300
* perhaps *
11
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:29,400
* perhaps *
12
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,634
* perhaps *
13
00:00:30,634 --> 00:00:32,033
( Doorbell rings )
14
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,501
I thought it was time.
15
00:00:37,767 --> 00:00:38,767
Jane?
16
00:00:38,767 --> 00:00:40,067
Jane!
17
00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:41,667
What, just turned up
on your doorstep?
18
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,801
Just turned up
on my doorstep.
19
00:00:43,801 --> 00:00:45,200
Why?
20
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,200
That's what i asked her.
21
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,434
That's the first thing i said.
22
00:00:47,434 --> 00:00:48,801
I said, "why?"
23
00:00:48,801 --> 00:00:50,400
Come in.
24
00:00:52,467 --> 00:00:53,801
What did she say?
25
00:00:53,801 --> 00:00:55,000
She just came in.
26
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,934
I had no idea
what to say.
27
00:00:56,934 --> 00:00:58,400
Drink?
28
00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,634
Thanks.
29
00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:04,934
Obviously, you ask her
what she's doing there.
30
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:05,968
Of course i do.
31
00:01:05,968 --> 00:01:07,734
You must be wondering
32
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,400
Why i'm here.
33
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,767
Yeah, okay.
34
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:16,033
I'm a very perceptive person.
35
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,868
Have you noticed that,
patrick?
36
00:01:17,868 --> 00:01:19,434
No.
37
00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:22,334
I can sense walls.
38
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:24,167
Walls?
39
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:27,367
Where you and i
are concerned,
40
00:01:27,367 --> 00:01:29,801
I think i'm sensing
a wall.
41
00:01:29,801 --> 00:01:31,400
When we're all out
together,
42
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,033
You and i never speak.
43
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:35,901
Never, patrick.
44
00:01:35,901 --> 00:01:38,033
Now, why do you never come
and talk to me, patrick?
45
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:40,167
Well,
i've never really had to.
46
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,934
There's always been
blokes around.
47
00:01:42,934 --> 00:01:44,801
Well, that's sad.
48
00:01:44,801 --> 00:01:46,567
Because,
the funny thing is,
49
00:01:46,567 --> 00:01:48,734
I think we've both
got a lot in common.
50
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,000
I know i have.
51
00:01:51,601 --> 00:01:53,801
Look, i haven't been
avoiding you on purpose.
52
00:01:53,801 --> 00:01:55,734
Don't feel bad.
53
00:01:55,734 --> 00:01:58,234
I don't feel bad.
54
00:01:58,234 --> 00:02:00,934
No, i've dealt with
all my bad feelings.
55
00:02:00,934 --> 00:02:02,734
I went on a course.
56
00:02:02,734 --> 00:02:04,400
A course?
57
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,267
"Learning to love yourself."
58
00:02:06,267 --> 00:02:07,667
I came top.
59
00:02:09,968 --> 00:02:11,234
She's mad,
isn't she--Jane?
60
00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:12,734
Totally bonkers.
Oh, yeah.
61
00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:14,033
The thing about jane,
right,
62
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:16,000
The think that you've
got to understand--
63
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,000
Oh, god!
64
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,400
No,
this is relevant.
65
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,434
Okay--
66
00:02:19,434 --> 00:02:22,434
Imagine there's
this big bus crash
67
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:23,501
Outside your house.
68
00:02:23,501 --> 00:02:24,667
Bus crash?
69
00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:25,934
Bus crash, yeah.
70
00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:28,200
And it was all supermodels
on board, right--
71
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,267
And helen mirren--
72
00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:32,300
And you had to build
73
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,634
Just one supermodel
out of the wreckage--
74
00:02:34,634 --> 00:02:36,133
Or one helen mirren.
75
00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:39,334
And you decided to use
just the best bits--
76
00:02:39,334 --> 00:02:40,767
Which might seem
a bit heartless,
77
00:02:40,767 --> 00:02:42,734
But, you know,
these things have to be done
78
00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,601
In the real world.
79
00:02:44,601 --> 00:02:47,400
And, as luck would have it,
you've got all the right bits.
80
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,200
You don't have, like,
no heads and three arses,
81
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,901
Which would be great
if you like arses,
82
00:02:52,901 --> 00:02:55,200
But it would be rubbish
for a modeling career,
83
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,234
Or screen nudity.
84
00:02:57,234 --> 00:03:00,100
Actually, that would be great
for screen nudity.
85
00:03:02,234 --> 00:03:04,667
Anyway, so if you built
your new supermodel--
86
00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:07,467
Or your new helen mirren--
Out of all the best bits,
87
00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:09,133
Then why,
88
00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:12,133
Why did claudia schiffer
shag david copperfield?
89
00:03:13,934 --> 00:03:15,367
Relevant, you said?
90
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:18,100
Well, it's relevant.
It's bloody relevant.
91
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,234
There's a supermodel
who shags total prats,
92
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,000
And i don't know
where she lives.
93
00:03:25,701 --> 00:03:27,601
So--Jane.
94
00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:30,300
Do you know what else
i can sense, patrick?
95
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,467
Um...
96
00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:32,467
pollen?
97
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:33,734
No.
98
00:03:33,734 --> 00:03:35,934
Dog whistles?
99
00:03:35,934 --> 00:03:37,400
The ozone layer?
100
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:43,167
I sense absolute, terrible,
tragic loneliness.
101
00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:44,300
Aw.
102
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,501
So you came round here
for a bit of company?
103
00:03:46,501 --> 00:03:48,634
Good decision.
I'm pleased you did that.
104
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:50,000
No, no, no!
105
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,767
I'm not lonely.
I'm never lonely.
106
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,167
Oh.
107
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,868
No, i held a workshop
on loneliness
108
00:03:56,868 --> 00:04:00,901
At my local community center
for a year to help others.
109
00:04:00,901 --> 00:04:02,868
That's true, actually.
110
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,300
But no one ever came.
111
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:07,067
She used to sit in a room
on her own once a week
112
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,167
With a sign on the door
that said "loneliness."
113
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:11,767
People thought
she was an exhibit.
114
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:14,167
Why helen mirren?
115
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:19,567
Because she's just
so naked, isn't she?
116
00:04:19,567 --> 00:04:21,934
It's like she's just got to
get her clothes off.
117
00:04:21,934 --> 00:04:24,200
It's like her breasts
are afraid of the dark.
118
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,834
Aren't we drifting
from the point here?
119
00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,801
When a helen mirren film
comes on the telly,
120
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,067
That's like a guarantee.
121
00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:31,100
Her name says,
"okay, boys,
122
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,400
You better watch this one
with the curtains shut."
123
00:04:34,801 --> 00:04:36,334
Jane!
124
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:38,667
What do you do
when you're unhappy, patrick?
125
00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,868
It's never really come up.
126
00:04:40,868 --> 00:04:42,968
No, what do you do
127
00:04:42,968 --> 00:04:46,667
When you really need someone?
128
00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:48,067
Pull.
129
00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:53,033
I sense the loneliness
in this room.
130
00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:56,000
I sense the lonely hours
that you've spent here.
131
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,133
But i don't feel lonely.
132
00:04:58,133 --> 00:05:02,133
I'm getting you...
standing here.
133
00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:05,534
Yeah. Just gripping
on to this mantelpiece.
134
00:05:05,534 --> 00:05:06,534
Am i right?
135
00:05:06,534 --> 00:05:08,434
Yeah.
136
00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:10,334
But i definitely wasn't alone.
137
00:05:11,434 --> 00:05:14,267
And then you--
You pace around,
138
00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:17,267
And then...
you go into the next room.
139
00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:21,033
Uh, actually,
that's a cupboard.
140
00:05:21,033 --> 00:05:22,367
That's a bit odd.
141
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:24,133
Jenny agutter.
142
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,367
Oh, yes!
143
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,467
Jenny agutter
is consistent.
144
00:05:27,467 --> 00:05:29,000
Jenny agutter's
like a brand name
145
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,467
Of screen nudity.
146
00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:31,968
Even in logan's run.
147
00:05:31,968 --> 00:05:33,267
For no reason at all.
148
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:34,400
Walkabout.
149
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,234
What a movie.
Fantastic movie.
150
00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:37,400
Walkabout is
the industry standard
151
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,901
For frontal work.
152
00:05:38,901 --> 00:05:41,367
Can we just get back on
the subject here, guys?
153
00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:42,667
What was in the cupboard?
154
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:43,667
Sharon, of course.
155
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:45,667
Oh!
Sharon stone!
156
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:48,968
Yeah! Sharon doesn't mind
what's showing.
157
00:05:48,968 --> 00:05:52,534
It's like, "hello, i'm sharon.
Pass me that small comb."
158
00:05:52,534 --> 00:05:54,367
Exactly.
159
00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:56,934
She's the american answer
to gail porter.
160
00:05:56,934 --> 00:05:59,167
No, no, no. Gail's never gone
the full walkabout.
161
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:00,834
True. True.
162
00:06:00,834 --> 00:06:02,801
Gail's only gone as far
as full-Backal.
163
00:06:02,801 --> 00:06:04,534
Full-Backal?
164
00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:06,667
Full-Backals really annoy me.
165
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,467
It's like unfinished work.
166
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:10,434
But it does leave something
to the imagination, though.
167
00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:11,434
Yeah, i suppose.
168
00:06:11,434 --> 00:06:12,834
And your crayons.
169
00:06:14,234 --> 00:06:15,567
Yeah, okay, jeff.
170
00:06:15,567 --> 00:06:16,667
Slightly too much
insight
171
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,267
Into your leisure time,
thank you.
172
00:06:18,267 --> 00:06:20,133
So, patrick,
the cupboard.
173
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:21,534
Why do you have...
174
00:06:21,534 --> 00:06:22,968
britt ekland!
175
00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:26,000
Oh, oh, oh, britt!
176
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,534
Britt ekland
spells "naked."
177
00:06:28,534 --> 00:06:31,367
Can i just mention the film
the wicker man ?
178
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:32,667
The dance
in the hotel room?
179
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,300
The birth of my libido.
Mine, too.
180
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:36,234
It was on the other night.
I taped it.
181
00:06:36,234 --> 00:06:37,601
Let's all go to patrick's.
182
00:06:37,601 --> 00:06:39,701
No, no.
I was only six.
183
00:06:39,701 --> 00:06:42,567
I had seen parts of britt ekland
that i couldn't even name.
184
00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:43,734
I was seven.
185
00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:45,934
I didn't realize
that television could do that.
186
00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:47,934
I started watching it
all day, every day,
187
00:06:47,934 --> 00:06:49,501
Just in case
it did it again.
188
00:06:49,501 --> 00:06:50,701
With you on that one.
189
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,868
My parents thought
i was in love with the tv set.
190
00:06:52,868 --> 00:06:54,334
You were watching it
all the time?
191
00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:55,834
Well, yeah.
With you there, too.
192
00:06:55,834 --> 00:06:59,133
But, also, i'd get aroused
the moment it was switched on,
193
00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:01,434
Even if it was just the news
or doctor who.
194
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:04,267
Okay, not quite
so with you now.
195
00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:06,267
One day--
One day i lost control
196
00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:09,701
In front of my whole family
during songs of praise.
197
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,133
Lost control?
198
00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:14,100
Completely wrote off
the television.
199
00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:18,834
Sorry, you're telling us that,
as a young child,
200
00:07:18,834 --> 00:07:21,400
And despite the obvious
electrical dangers,
201
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,200
You sexually assaulted
the television set
202
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,767
During songs of praise?
203
00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:28,667
Is...
204
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:30,267
is that what happened
to your hair?
205
00:07:32,334 --> 00:07:34,033
The cupboard!
206
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:36,000
Why do you have
so many videos?
207
00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:43,000
Why have they all got
girls' names on them?
208
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,234
Well...if i tape a film,
209
00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:47,067
Like basic instinct, say,
210
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:51,467
And i don't want to forget
which tape the film is on,
211
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:54,133
I give the tape a name...
212
00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:55,968
like paula,
213
00:07:55,968 --> 00:07:58,434
Or... astrid.
214
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:01,234
Do you think i'm
a complete idiot, patrick?
215
00:08:01,234 --> 00:08:03,334
Well, i hadn't really
thought about it.
216
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:06,801
Those aren't films.
217
00:08:06,801 --> 00:08:08,367
Those are women
you've slept with.
218
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:10,734
You've videotaped all the women
you've had sex with,
219
00:08:10,734 --> 00:08:11,734
Haven't you?
220
00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:12,734
I can explain.
221
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:14,701
Yes, i have.
222
00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:16,167
And you keep them
in a cupboard,
223
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:17,767
Like a lot of old movies.
224
00:08:17,767 --> 00:08:19,901
How do you think they'd feel
if they knew that?
225
00:08:19,901 --> 00:08:21,267
How do you think--
226
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,667
Barbarella would feel?
227
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,534
Actually,
that is a movie.
228
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:31,534
Oh, patrick,
patrick, patrick.
229
00:08:31,534 --> 00:08:34,968
You're so sad,
and so desperate,
230
00:08:34,968 --> 00:08:37,067
And so very, very lonely.
231
00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:42,601
Room in your cupboard
for one more?
232
00:08:42,601 --> 00:08:45,968
"Room in your cupboard
for one more?"
233
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,434
Biggest come-On
i've ever had.
234
00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:49,467
Oh, you've had more
than one come-On?
235
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:51,033
Oh, that's brilliant!
236
00:08:51,033 --> 00:08:53,300
Anyway, how did we get
started on all this stuff?
237
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,300
What was the question?
238
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,667
How are you?
239
00:08:57,501 --> 00:08:58,567
Fine, thanks.
240
00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,601
Here's another question--
241
00:09:00,601 --> 00:09:02,701
Do you keep tapes
of all your exes?
242
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:04,300
Well, below a certain weight.
243
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:06,734
I do have
a quality threshold.
244
00:09:06,734 --> 00:09:08,200
So you've still got susan,
then?
245
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,601
Oh, sure.
Yeah, absolutely.
246
00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:10,734
Susan's a keeper.
247
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:13,834
You've still got a tape
of my girlfriend?
248
00:09:16,501 --> 00:09:18,234
He keeps the tapes?
249
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:21,100
"Room in your cupboard
for one more?" You said that?
250
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,234
Yeah. I really thought
i'd gone to his house
251
00:09:23,234 --> 00:09:25,701
To heal our spiritual divide,
252
00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:29,200
But it turned out
i was just gagging for a shag.
253
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,501
Those two are so similar!
254
00:09:33,434 --> 00:09:36,033
Never mind that.
Does he keep all the tapes?
255
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,033
Did you see?
256
00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:38,067
This isn't fair.
257
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:39,334
I was gonna have patrick.
258
00:09:39,334 --> 00:09:40,334
Sally, please.
259
00:09:40,334 --> 00:09:41,367
Now you're having patrick.
260
00:09:41,367 --> 00:09:43,133
And she's had patrick
lots of times.
261
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:45,767
I'll be the only one
who hasn't been patricked.
262
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,801
You're the only one
who hasn't been steved.
263
00:09:47,801 --> 00:09:49,000
Oh, jane.
264
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,033
Steve's nice,
but patrick's enormous.
265
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,801
Really?
266
00:09:54,801 --> 00:09:58,033
It's like scientists crossed
a donkey with a pole vaulter.
267
00:09:58,033 --> 00:10:00,100
According to susan.
268
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,767
Is this true?
269
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,067
Is patrick
a pole-Vaulter-Donkey-Man?
270
00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,000
You mean,
you didn't notice?
271
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,834
Uh, i didn't get that far.
272
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,767
Are you suggesting we...
273
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:14,000
i only want to heal
your loneliness.
274
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,801
Woman's voice:
hurry up, patrick.
275
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:19,367
Well,
you'll have to be quick.
276
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,400
I should go.
277
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,934
I didn't realize
that you had company.
278
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:27,267
Obviously i'd love to,
but, um...
279
00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:29,234
well, i've got her down
to her underwear,
280
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,267
And, you know,
women can be a bit sensitive
281
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:33,501
If you try to swap them over
at that point.
282
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,334
No apologies, patrick.
283
00:10:37,334 --> 00:10:39,267
I don't compete
with other women.
284
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:41,801
Great.
Thanks.
285
00:10:45,467 --> 00:10:46,467
Uh...
286
00:10:47,868 --> 00:10:49,000
underwear?
287
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,934
What's that?
288
00:10:55,701 --> 00:10:58,100
You've got my girlfriend
naked on video?
289
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,901
No. I've got my girlfriend
naked on video.
290
00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:02,634
But she's my girlfriend now.
291
00:11:02,634 --> 00:11:04,601
Yes, but on the tape,
she's my girlfriend.
292
00:11:04,601 --> 00:11:05,734
Patrick!
293
00:11:05,734 --> 00:11:08,334
You no longer have
the naked rights to susan.
294
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,267
I have the naked rights
to susan now.
295
00:11:10,267 --> 00:11:11,701
You can't keep the tape!
296
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:14,133
Yes, i can. At the time
the tape was made,
297
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:15,868
I had the naked rights!
298
00:11:15,868 --> 00:11:18,467
Patrick, you don't get to see
my girlfriend naked.
299
00:11:18,467 --> 00:11:20,267
That's the rules!
300
00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,267
Oh, jeff,
tell him the naked rules.
301
00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:23,901
I love the word "naked."
302
00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:28,367
It's brilliant,
isn't it?
303
00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:29,767
Naked.
304
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:31,400
Thanks, jeff.
305
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,501
When i was a kid,
i used to write "naked"
306
00:11:33,501 --> 00:11:35,200
Hundreds of times
on a bit of paper,
307
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,267
And then rub my face in it.
308
00:11:38,267 --> 00:11:40,100
It's better than sex.
309
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,734
Every morning i wake up
glad i'm not you.
310
00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:45,501
Me, too.
311
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:49,334
You shagged the barmaid here,
right?
312
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:52,300
Yeah, ages ago.
Before she got married.
313
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,100
You make a tape of her?
Yes, i did.
314
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,367
Can i have a loan?
315
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,834
Sorry, i had to tape over
the barmaid.
316
00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:01,734
Exactly.
317
00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:04,467
You had to tape over her
'cause she's married now,
318
00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:07,267
And because you're not
a completely shallow bastard.
319
00:12:07,267 --> 00:12:09,267
Actually, it's 'cause
i saw her breast-Feeding.
320
00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:11,667
Okay, maybe a touch
of shallowness there.
321
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:13,133
Steve, i'm only
thinking of you.
322
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,701
I mean,
i'm on the tape, too.
323
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,868
What if she does stuff
on the tape with me
she doesn't do with you?
324
00:12:17,868 --> 00:12:19,701
What stuff?
325
00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:21,734
There could be stuff.
326
00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:24,267
I've very nearly proposed
to this woman.
327
00:12:24,267 --> 00:12:25,467
Very nearly?
328
00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:29,033
Well, i'm actually
going to propose any second...
329
00:12:29,033 --> 00:12:31,033
soon as i know
what her answer is.
330
00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:32,334
So i can assure you,
331
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,300
She's doing maximum stuff
with me.
332
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,601
Susan has commitment-Sex
with steve.
333
00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:37,634
Exactly.
334
00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:41,100
Whereas she had full-Sex
with patrick.
335
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,200
She has full-Sex with me.
336
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,767
More than full-Sex.
337
00:12:45,767 --> 00:12:48,868
Sex doesn't just have to be
an animal act, you know.
338
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:51,400
It's like a meeting
of two people.
339
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,767
A conversation.
340
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:55,100
What?
341
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:56,234
You mean, face to face?
342
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,367
Right.
That is it, patrick.
343
00:12:58,367 --> 00:12:59,701
I'm gonna see
that tape.
344
00:12:59,701 --> 00:13:01,033
No, steve,
you are not.
345
00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:03,234
And if this is all
you guys can talk about,
346
00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:04,534
I'm off. See ya.
347
00:13:07,901 --> 00:13:09,534
He is way out of line.
348
00:13:09,534 --> 00:13:12,200
Patrick is way,
way out of line.
349
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,968
I can't believe
he keeps the tapes.
350
00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:16,267
I can't believe
you were gonna shag patrick.
351
00:13:16,267 --> 00:13:19,300
I'm just feeling
so ridiculously horny.
352
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:22,701
I swear, if i didn't have
my heart set on sex with a man,
353
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,834
You two would be
in serious trouble.
354
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,400
Ugh! I could never have sex
with another woman.
355
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,501
What if she had
a smaller bottom?
356
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,033
'Scuse me,
i have a crisis here.
357
00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:37,367
Way above bottoms
on the crisis scale.
358
00:13:37,367 --> 00:13:38,868
We're women.
359
00:13:38,868 --> 00:13:41,367
There is nothing above bottoms
on the crisis scale.
360
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:43,901
Bottoms are
our natural enemy.
361
00:13:43,901 --> 00:13:45,133
Sally, please.
362
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,567
They follow us around
our entire lives,
363
00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:50,300
Right behind us
and constantly growing.
364
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:52,267
How do they do that?
365
00:13:52,267 --> 00:13:55,400
I'm sure mine's back there
secretly snacking.
366
00:13:57,534 --> 00:13:59,634
Can we focus on my problem
for a moment?
367
00:13:59,634 --> 00:14:02,234
I'm naked and,
indeed, pornographic
368
00:14:02,234 --> 00:14:04,100
In patrick's video cupboard.
369
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,634
Uh, i never even made it
into the cupboard.
370
00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:09,300
I turned down
my cupboard opportunity.
371
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,434
Guys, please.
372
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,934
Now, when i eventually
sleep with patrick,
373
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,200
I'll be older.
374
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,567
I could have stayed
forever young
375
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:17,801
In the cupboard
of patrick's love.
376
00:14:18,801 --> 00:14:19,801
Sally...
377
00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:21,734
i'm gonna have to do him
really soon
378
00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:24,234
Before my bottom takes over
my entire body.
379
00:14:24,234 --> 00:14:26,901
Steve is now friends
with patrick.
380
00:14:26,901 --> 00:14:28,868
Patrick has a tape
of me.
381
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,901
Steve is gonna see
the tape!
382
00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:33,067
The man who has very nearly
almost proposed to me
383
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,534
Is gonna see
that bloody tape!
384
00:14:34,534 --> 00:14:36,367
It's still
a "very nearly almost"?
385
00:14:36,367 --> 00:14:39,200
Well, i'm trying not to answer
before he actually asks.
386
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,634
That can look keen.
387
00:14:41,901 --> 00:14:43,334
Patrick wouldn't show him
the tapes.
388
00:14:43,334 --> 00:14:45,300
And steve wouldn't watch it.
389
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,367
Even they'd have
more taste.
390
00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,133
We're talking
about men.
391
00:14:49,133 --> 00:14:51,000
They regard nose-Picking
as the bright side
392
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,267
Of having flu.
393
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:54,601
She's got a point.
394
00:14:54,601 --> 00:14:57,667
Even if he sees the tape,
so what?
395
00:14:57,667 --> 00:14:59,234
Well, he'll see me
with patrick.
396
00:14:59,234 --> 00:15:00,334
He might be upset.
397
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,033
Is patrick better?
398
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:04,701
You mean,
patrick's got technique?
399
00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:09,701
He's pole-Vaulter-Donkey-Man,
and he's got technique?
400
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:12,868
That's not just
a hopeless dream?
401
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,968
Again, sally,
we're talking about men.
402
00:15:14,968 --> 00:15:16,534
They think the purpose
of foreplay
403
00:15:16,534 --> 00:15:18,567
Is to make your neck
as wet as possible
404
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,033
And drown your ears.
405
00:15:20,033 --> 00:15:22,767
They have the technique
of an affectionate dog--
406
00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:24,601
But without the loyalty.
407
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,534
So what's the problem?
408
00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:30,234
Well...
409
00:15:30,234 --> 00:15:32,968
i think i've started doing
my orgasms differently.
410
00:15:32,968 --> 00:15:34,300
"Doing" them?
411
00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:38,801
You mean,
you fake your orgasms?
412
00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:41,834
Well, no.
I--I don't fake them, as such.
413
00:15:41,834 --> 00:15:44,267
Sometimes i just start
a little early
414
00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:47,267
Just to guide them
to the right spot.
415
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:49,300
It's not so much "faking" as...
416
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,167
turning on
the landing lights.
417
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,567
Talking them down
418
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:55,167
With a few
encouraging sound effects.
419
00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:58,434
Otherwise, it's all that
"down a bit, over a bit,
420
00:15:58,434 --> 00:16:01,701
No, dear,
that's your own thumb."
421
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:04,434
Trouble is, it doesn't actually
glow in the dark.
422
00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:07,634
So you've never been
with a woman, then?
423
00:16:12,467 --> 00:16:13,467
Susan.
424
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,300
Hi.
Can i come in?
425
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,067
Uh, yeah, sure.
426
00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:21,267
Something wrong?
427
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:23,367
Uh, yeah.
428
00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:25,634
Uh, i was talking
to the girls last night,
429
00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:27,901
And the subject
of your video cupboard came up.
430
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:28,934
Right.
431
00:16:28,934 --> 00:16:30,234
Look,
i know it's your thing,
432
00:16:30,234 --> 00:16:32,267
And i'm not in any position
to get prudish,
433
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:35,100
But i would like to know
that the tape is in safe hands.
434
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,767
Come on, susan.
435
00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:39,000
I've told steve,
436
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,234
Now i'm telling you--
437
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:42,234
That tape stays
in my cupboard.
438
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:43,501
Thanks, patrick.
439
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:45,234
Shouldn't have insulted you
by even asking.
440
00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:46,501
Well, that's okay.
441
00:16:46,501 --> 00:16:48,968
Steve: bloody hell!!!
442
00:16:48,968 --> 00:16:51,601
She's never done that
with me!!!
443
00:17:02,968 --> 00:17:05,734
So, who's never done what
with you, darling?
444
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:07,968
Um...
445
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:09,667
we were just
watching something.
446
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:11,868
Really? What?
447
00:17:11,868 --> 00:17:14,200
Jenny agutter.
448
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,801
Jenny agutter?
449
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,000
Walkabout.
450
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,033
We're watching walkabout.
451
00:17:19,033 --> 00:17:21,501
Aw...you're upset that
jenny agutter's never gone
452
00:17:21,501 --> 00:17:23,400
On an aboriginal walkabout
with you?
453
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,701
I admit i was surprised
454
00:17:25,701 --> 00:17:27,701
At the strength
of my own response.
455
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:31,367
Susan on vcr: oh, patrick.
Oh, babe!
456
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:34,300
Jeff: oh, yes. Yes, there!
Oh, that's it!
457
00:17:36,834 --> 00:17:39,767
I think they found
a lake.
458
00:17:42,234 --> 00:17:44,767
I am, as it happens, capable
of telling the difference
459
00:17:44,767 --> 00:17:47,100
Between walkabout
and homemade porn.
460
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,767
Particularly if it's porn
in which i am playing the lead.
461
00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:51,767
Well, the female lead.
462
00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:55,267
Sorry.
463
00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:56,634
Patrick, i cannot believe
464
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:58,534
You would have shown steve
that tape.
465
00:17:58,534 --> 00:18:00,667
Steve, i can't believe
you would have watched it.
466
00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:02,701
No, don't speak!
467
00:18:02,701 --> 00:18:04,634
I'm too angry
for you to speak.
468
00:18:04,634 --> 00:18:07,133
I'm more angry
than i have ever, ever been.
469
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:08,534
Look at me, boys,
470
00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:10,834
Because this
is as angry as i get.
471
00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:12,400
Ow!!!
472
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:18,367
( Steve and susan moaning )
473
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,834
Go, susan, go.
474
00:18:23,834 --> 00:18:26,734
Su--Go, go, go!
475
00:18:26,734 --> 00:18:29,968
Naked.
Naked susan. Naked.
476
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:32,033
* susan, susan, susan *
477
00:18:32,033 --> 00:18:34,167
* susan, susan,
su... *
478
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:36,000
* susan! *
479
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,400
* oh, susan!
Susan, susan, susan *
480
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,634
* susan, susan, susan,
susan, su *
481
00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:43,167
* susan, oh, susan,
su-- *
482
00:18:48,901 --> 00:18:50,400
Well?
483
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,300
Aren't you gonna continue
with your song?
484
00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:55,000
Nah.
485
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,067
Why not?
486
00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:57,934
Forgotten the words.
487
00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:02,734
Susan, um,
i'm really sorry about this.
488
00:19:02,734 --> 00:19:05,334
It was a bad idea--
A pub idea.
489
00:19:05,334 --> 00:19:07,267
A-A-And i didn't mean
to bring jeff.
490
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:09,133
S-S-Sometimes
he's hard to get rid of.
491
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:11,434
How long have you been
watching this tape?
492
00:19:11,434 --> 00:19:14,133
A-About five minutes.
493
00:19:14,133 --> 00:19:15,667
Five minutes?
494
00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,234
Yes, just five, yes.
495
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,834
Five minutes?
496
00:19:18,834 --> 00:19:21,067
Look, i'm really,
really sorry.
497
00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:24,167
Five whole minutes?
498
00:19:24,167 --> 00:19:26,501
Do you know what's really
disgusting about that, steve?
499
00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:27,968
Yes, i do.
500
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:29,033
I really do.
501
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:30,067
I don't think you do.
502
00:19:30,067 --> 00:19:32,734
No, no.
I--I absolutely do.
503
00:19:32,734 --> 00:19:35,534
I'll tell you what's really
disgusting about that, steve.
504
00:19:35,534 --> 00:19:38,934
That's not me!
505
00:19:42,033 --> 00:19:43,968
Well, it's
a very similar bottom.
506
00:19:45,033 --> 00:19:47,501
That bottom is twice
the size of mine.
507
00:19:47,501 --> 00:19:49,334
Similar breasts.
508
00:19:50,934 --> 00:19:52,934
Look at her face, boys.
509
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,801
That's not susan!
510
00:19:59,501 --> 00:20:00,567
How could you
have watched this
511
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:01,934
For five whole minutes
512
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,267
And failed to notice
that it's not me?
513
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:05,901
How could you
mistake that
514
00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:08,033
For a video of my bottom?
Look at it!
515
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:10,534
Well, it's
very low-Quality.
516
00:20:10,534 --> 00:20:12,067
I know.
Look at the cellulite!
517
00:20:12,067 --> 00:20:14,234
I meant picture quality.
518
00:20:14,234 --> 00:20:16,133
I like cellulite.
519
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:18,467
It's like a bit of variety,
isn't it?
520
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,868
Couldn't you tell
you had the wrong tape?
521
00:20:20,868 --> 00:20:22,767
Well, it had your name
on the label.
522
00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:24,567
Even if it had my name
on the label,
523
00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:25,901
Surely you'd...
524
00:20:25,901 --> 00:20:28,234
( moaning continues )
525
00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:31,300
Patrick?
526
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:34,434
Yes, susan?
527
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,801
Have you taped over me?
528
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,801
Um...
529
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,734
did you tape that woman
over me?
530
00:20:39,734 --> 00:20:40,734
I can explain.
531
00:20:40,734 --> 00:20:42,100
Yes, i did.
532
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:44,667
That bottom--Over me?
533
00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:45,901
Is this true,
patrick?
534
00:20:45,901 --> 00:20:47,934
Have you taped
over my girlfriend?
535
00:20:47,934 --> 00:20:49,400
Yes, okay? Yes.
536
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,701
That's why i didn't want
to show you the tape.
537
00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:53,501
I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
538
00:20:53,501 --> 00:20:55,334
So you just thought
you'd show the tape anyway,
539
00:20:55,334 --> 00:20:57,000
And no one would notice
it wasn't me.
540
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,667
Look, in fairness to patrick,
we didn't notice.
541
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,300
And i've not seen
your bottom,
542
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:06,133
So, really, it's just steve
you should be angry with.
543
00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:08,467
Sorry, steve. You can't
always save everyone.
544
00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:13,334
It's bad enough you kept
the tape, patrick,
545
00:21:13,334 --> 00:21:15,033
But now you've erased it,
too.
546
00:21:15,033 --> 00:21:16,634
That doesn't make sense.
Well, i'm angry.
547
00:21:16,634 --> 00:21:18,234
Making sense gets in the way.
548
00:21:18,234 --> 00:21:20,334
Hang on, it's finished.
549
00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:22,300
Oh, i remember this one.
It's a quickie.
550
00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:24,100
Don't worry,
there'll still be lots of you.
551
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:26,000
We just taped over
the foreplay.
552
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,367
There was foreplay?
553
00:21:28,367 --> 00:21:29,934
No, we're not going
to watch this.
554
00:21:29,934 --> 00:21:32,801
Look, it's private.
It's personal stuff.
555
00:21:32,801 --> 00:21:35,133
I think we've learned
our lesson. I'm sorry.
556
00:21:35,133 --> 00:21:36,133
No, hang on.
557
00:21:36,133 --> 00:21:37,133
What?
558
00:21:37,133 --> 00:21:38,267
I want to show you
559
00:21:38,267 --> 00:21:39,601
The complete difference
in bottoms.
560
00:21:39,601 --> 00:21:41,868
Susan.
Here we go.
561
00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:43,634
Just watch this
for a moment, okay?
562
00:21:43,634 --> 00:21:44,834
Just--Just look.
563
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,000
Tv announcer:
and now on bbc2--
564
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,868
Britt ekland in
the wicker man.
565
00:21:50,868 --> 00:21:52,300
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
566
00:21:54,133 --> 00:21:55,300
Okay, okay.
567
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:57,367
Let's put britt back
in the cupboard, shall we?
568
00:21:57,367 --> 00:21:58,400
What?
Come on!
569
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,200
See how long
she lasts.
570
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:06,934
I realized you were anxious
571
00:22:06,934 --> 00:22:08,400
To get into patrick's cupboard,
sally,
572
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,801
But i didn't know this was
what you had in mind.
573
00:22:10,801 --> 00:22:12,968
No, no, no.
I just, sort of,
574
00:22:12,968 --> 00:22:15,167
Popped in here
when i heard you arrive.
575
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,400
You mean, you hid?
576
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,067
Oh, no, no, no.
577
00:22:18,067 --> 00:22:20,033
There just weren't enough
chairs in the living room
578
00:22:20,033 --> 00:22:21,367
For everyone
to sit down.
579
00:22:21,367 --> 00:22:24,234
Oh, so you thought
you'd stand in a cupboard?
580
00:22:24,234 --> 00:22:26,834
Manners cost nothing.
581
00:22:26,834 --> 00:22:28,767
Sally wanted to see
the tape, too.
582
00:22:28,767 --> 00:22:31,467
She arrived
just after jeff and steve.
583
00:22:31,467 --> 00:22:33,767
I just wanted to see
what the tapes were like
584
00:22:33,767 --> 00:22:36,534
In case i ever decide
to appear in one.
585
00:22:36,534 --> 00:22:39,501
By the way, you might
want to do some work
on your bottom.
586
00:22:39,501 --> 00:22:42,000
That wasn't my bottom!
587
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,200
Oh, i know how you feel,
but denial gets you nowhere.
588
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,834
( Doorbell rings )
589
00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:49,133
I just wanted a quiet day in.
590
00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:51,067
Here's your starter
for ten, everyone--
591
00:22:51,067 --> 00:22:52,734
Who could that possibly be?
592
00:22:52,734 --> 00:22:53,834
Patrick: jane.
593
00:22:53,834 --> 00:22:56,801
Jane: i'm very worried
594
00:22:56,801 --> 00:22:59,167
About the size
of your loneliness.
595
00:23:01,067 --> 00:23:04,167
Oh, are you trying to deal
with your loneliness
596
00:23:04,167 --> 00:23:06,968
By surrounding yourself
with friends?
597
00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:09,200
How's that gonna work?
598
00:23:10,267 --> 00:23:12,567
The size of his loneliness?
599
00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:15,734
I meant, uh,
scale.
600
00:23:15,734 --> 00:23:17,834
Women are always saying
"size" accidentally,
601
00:23:17,834 --> 00:23:19,634
Don't you find?
Yeah.
602
00:23:19,634 --> 00:23:21,167
Yeah.
603
00:23:21,167 --> 00:23:22,200
Anyway,
604
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,601
What are you all doing here,
605
00:23:23,601 --> 00:23:25,501
And why wasn't i invited,
huh?
606
00:23:25,501 --> 00:23:27,033
Is it something fun?
607
00:23:27,033 --> 00:23:28,234
Oh, heaps of fun.
608
00:23:28,234 --> 00:23:30,434
We were watching porn videos
about me.
609
00:23:30,434 --> 00:23:32,400
I'm being played
by britt ekland.
610
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,634
Porn videos?
611
00:23:34,634 --> 00:23:38,067
Oh, is it the tape
of you and patrick?
612
00:23:38,067 --> 00:23:39,267
Have i missed much?
613
00:23:40,367 --> 00:23:43,100
God, what is it
with you lot?
614
00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:44,868
Why do you all have
this desperate desire
615
00:23:44,868 --> 00:23:46,100
To see me naked?
616
00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:49,534
Oh, susan.
No one wants to see you naked.
617
00:23:49,534 --> 00:23:51,434
Okay, that came out wrong.
618
00:23:51,434 --> 00:23:53,634
The first time i saw you all
in one place,
619
00:23:53,634 --> 00:23:55,300
I had to show you a breast.
620
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,334
What is it you want this time?
Any requests?
621
00:23:57,334 --> 00:23:59,167
Well, i don't know
about anybody el--
622
00:23:59,167 --> 00:24:00,434
It's not gonna happen,
jeff!
623
00:24:01,434 --> 00:24:02,701
Sorry.
624
00:24:04,434 --> 00:24:06,167
So if i hadn't
turned up,
625
00:24:06,167 --> 00:24:08,400
And if patrick hadn't
taped over me...
626
00:24:09,834 --> 00:24:11,367
this would've been
my audience.
627
00:24:14,100 --> 00:24:15,400
And all thanks to you.
628
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,434
Wait, wait.
It's not steve's fault.
629
00:24:17,434 --> 00:24:19,300
You can't blame steve.
630
00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:21,133
Jeff--
It's the cupboard's fault.
631
00:24:21,133 --> 00:24:24,000
There's too much nudity
in the cupboard, you know.
632
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,734
With that amount
of naked breasts in one place...
633
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:31,467
we--We--
We can't help ourselves.
634
00:24:31,467 --> 00:24:32,834
We--We home.
635
00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:34,100
We're drawn like...
636
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:36,200
perverted moths.
637
00:24:37,234 --> 00:24:39,067
Perverted moths?
638
00:24:39,067 --> 00:24:41,501
To the flame
of breasts.
639
00:24:41,501 --> 00:24:44,100
The...
flaming breasts.
640
00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:46,634
You really don't
have enough blood
641
00:24:46,634 --> 00:24:49,067
For both ends of your body,
do you, patrick?
642
00:24:50,334 --> 00:24:51,934
And that's a guarantee.
643
00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:55,467
Well,
there you are, then.
644
00:24:55,467 --> 00:24:57,033
I'm not a bad boyfriend.
645
00:24:57,033 --> 00:24:59,767
I-I-I'm a perverted moth,
646
00:24:59,767 --> 00:25:02,567
And you're on fire.
647
00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:05,400
No, you're not
a bad boyfriend, steve.
648
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:06,734
You're an ex.
649
00:25:06,734 --> 00:25:08,100
Susan!
650
00:25:09,601 --> 00:25:13,534
You know that question
you very nearly almost asked me?
651
00:25:13,534 --> 00:25:16,267
You weren't frightened
the answer would be "no,"
652
00:25:16,267 --> 00:25:19,367
You were frightened
it would be "yes."
653
00:25:19,367 --> 00:25:22,501
Too many naked women
left in the cupboard.
654
00:25:22,501 --> 00:25:24,100
And you're not ready
to leave yet.
655
00:25:25,601 --> 00:25:27,434
Good-Bye.
656
00:25:36,434 --> 00:25:38,167
She wasn't right
for you, mate.
657
00:25:39,701 --> 00:25:42,400
She was beautiful,
she was great in bed...
658
00:25:43,734 --> 00:25:46,234
and she was
a really nice person.
659
00:25:46,234 --> 00:25:47,234
Yeah.
660
00:25:48,601 --> 00:25:50,701
You should have held on
to her, really, shouldn't you?
661
00:25:52,734 --> 00:25:54,133
Thanks, jeff.
662
00:25:57,334 --> 00:25:58,334
Oi...
663
00:25:59,467 --> 00:26:01,367
we better go.
Yeah.
664
00:26:09,934 --> 00:26:12,133
Oh, i lost my naked rights,
didn't i?
665
00:26:12,133 --> 00:26:13,834
Never mind.
666
00:26:13,834 --> 00:26:16,634
Plenty more naked fish
in the cupboard.
667
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,767
W-W-Water cupboard.
668
00:26:22,133 --> 00:26:23,667
Water closet.
669
00:26:27,167 --> 00:26:28,934
Jeff,
670
00:26:28,934 --> 00:26:31,767
A water closet
is a toilet.
671
00:26:31,767 --> 00:26:33,734
Are you trying to
comfort me by telling me
672
00:26:33,734 --> 00:26:36,667
There's plenty more fish
in the toilet?
673
00:26:36,667 --> 00:26:38,367
I think what jeff
is trying to say
674
00:26:38,367 --> 00:26:42,367
Is there are plenty more fish
in the toilet of love.
675
00:26:44,634 --> 00:26:46,234
That's right,
isn't it, jeff?
676
00:26:49,701 --> 00:26:50,834
How are you feeling?
677
00:26:52,234 --> 00:26:54,000
Flushed.
678
00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:57,701
( Snoring )
679
00:27:00,167 --> 00:27:01,334
( Door slams )
680
00:27:16,634 --> 00:27:18,267
S-Susan?
681
00:27:19,901 --> 00:27:21,033
Propose.
682
00:27:22,534 --> 00:27:24,300
Propose?
683
00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:25,767
Right now.
684
00:27:25,767 --> 00:27:27,100
Propose.
685
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,801
I may say "yes,"
686
00:27:29,801 --> 00:27:31,968
I may say "no."
687
00:27:31,968 --> 00:27:33,834
I may or may not
be wearing anything
688
00:27:33,834 --> 00:27:35,267
Underneaththis coat.
689
00:27:52,300 --> 00:27:53,968
You know there's
only one way
690
00:27:53,968 --> 00:27:59,434
I'll know this is real life
and not just a very good dream.
691
00:27:59,434 --> 00:28:00,767
What's that?
692
00:28:02,968 --> 00:28:04,601
The usual.
693
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,801
Steve, look!
694
00:28:20,801 --> 00:28:22,501
It's britt ekland.
695
00:28:26,434 --> 00:28:29,601
* if you can't make
your mind up *
696
00:28:29,601 --> 00:28:35,334
* we'll never get started *
697
00:28:35,334 --> 00:28:38,501
* and i don't wanna wind up *
698
00:28:38,501 --> 00:28:44,167
* being parted,
broken-Hearted *
699
00:28:44,167 --> 00:28:47,634
* so if you really love me *
700
00:28:47,634 --> 00:28:49,434
* say yes *
701
00:28:49,434 --> 00:28:52,167
* and please don't tell me *
702
00:28:52,167 --> 00:28:53,167
* perhaps *
703
00:28:53,167 --> 00:28:55,667
* perhaps, perhaps *