1
00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:03,468
*
2
00:00:07,334 --> 00:00:10,767
* you won't admit you love me *
3
00:00:10,767 --> 00:00:12,334
* and so *
4
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:14,834
* how am i ever *
5
00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:16,700
* to know *
6
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,667
* you always tell me *
7
00:00:19,667 --> 00:00:23,101
* perhaps, perhaps, perhaps *
8
00:00:24,101 --> 00:00:26,334
* perhaps *
9
00:00:26,334 --> 00:00:28,600
* perhaps *
10
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,834
* perhaps *
11
00:00:30,834 --> 00:00:33,934
( radio show music playing )
12
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,967
man: And now we go
to Jane christie,
13
00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:37,368
our eye on london traffic.
14
00:00:37,368 --> 00:00:39,434
So, how's it looking
up there, Jane?
15
00:00:39,434 --> 00:00:42,468
Jane: Good morning, traffic!
16
00:00:42,468 --> 00:00:44,167
Now, there's some serious,
17
00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:46,301
must-avoid trouble spots
today, I'm afraid,
18
00:00:46,301 --> 00:00:48,134
but more of that later.
19
00:00:48,134 --> 00:00:52,101
If you're listening,
David Hammond
of southweld street,
20
00:00:52,101 --> 00:00:55,334
who wrote in asking
for some of my underwear,
21
00:00:55,334 --> 00:00:58,700
sorry, naughty person, you can
just enter the competition
22
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,967
like everybody else.
23
00:01:00,967 --> 00:01:03,134
Now, drivers,
before we go any further,
24
00:01:03,134 --> 00:01:05,167
let's start
with a big meditation
25
00:01:05,167 --> 00:01:08,101
in aid of reduced road
congestion.
26
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:11,633
So, come on, everybody,
close your eyes.
27
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:19,500
( tires squealing,
cars crashing, honking )
28
00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:25,567
so, how do you feel
it went this morning?
29
00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:27,167
The traffic report?
30
00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:29,001
The traffic report, yes.
31
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:31,533
I think it was a success.
32
00:01:31,533 --> 00:01:33,234
Jane, there are people
in hospital.
33
00:01:33,234 --> 00:01:35,767
Oh, for God's sake, Jeremy,
I'm reporting traffic.
34
00:01:35,767 --> 00:01:37,800
There's bound to be casualties.
35
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:42,401
As you know, for some time now,
we've had problems
36
00:01:42,401 --> 00:01:44,468
about the way you've been
handling the reports.
37
00:01:44,468 --> 00:01:46,900
Jeremy, i told you when
i first took the job
38
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,167
i need creative input.
39
00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:51,301
Sometimes you change
the names of streets.
40
00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:54,600
Only when i need a rhyme.
41
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,633
And the pilot has complained
about your guitar.
42
00:01:57,633 --> 00:02:00,234
He never!
What did he say?
43
00:02:00,234 --> 00:02:02,867
Well, just that you get a bit
animated now and then.
44
00:02:02,867 --> 00:02:07,401
Apparently, he sustained
a mild concussion during
hallelujah m4.
45
00:02:07,401 --> 00:02:11,267
He made such a fuss about that,
you wouldn't believe.
46
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:13,267
He was a mile
above battersea, Jane.
47
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,934
He was flying a helicopter!
48
00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:18,234
Well, that's another thing.
Why is it always his turn?
49
00:02:20,201 --> 00:02:22,900
Jane, I'm very sorry,
really i am.
50
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,434
Personally,
I'm very fond of you,
51
00:02:24,434 --> 00:02:27,434
but this is as far
as we can go.
52
00:02:27,434 --> 00:02:30,301
Please,
try not to be bitter.
53
00:02:30,301 --> 00:02:32,001
I'm not bitter.
54
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:35,267
I'm never at home
to mr. Bitter bottom.
55
00:02:35,267 --> 00:02:38,967
I'm very sorry, Jane.
Well, I'm sorry for you.
56
00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:42,767
Because you've got that funny,
little wheezing noise
when you breathe,
57
00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:44,500
which probably means
you're gonna die.
58
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,267
Jane, please.
59
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,301
And then it'll be off
to the crematorium,
60
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,900
and you'll just be a little,
teeny-tiny pile of ashes.
61
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:53,567
And straightaway,
your wife will start having sex
62
00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:55,867
with a man with a much less
smelly bottom.
63
00:02:57,934 --> 00:03:00,967
But until then,
i hope we can stay friends.
64
00:03:05,134 --> 00:03:07,134
You're imagining it.
65
00:03:07,134 --> 00:03:10,434
It is. it's increasing.
66
00:03:10,434 --> 00:03:13,101
I've got an increasing face.
67
00:03:13,101 --> 00:03:14,834
I've used
too much skin nutrient,
68
00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:17,101
and now my face
is actually growing.
69
00:03:17,101 --> 00:03:19,767
I'm becoming
the incredible flesh monster.
70
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,267
Incredible what?
71
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,900
Sorry, i meant my mother.
72
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,067
( knock on door )
73
00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:27,633
you'd better get that.
74
00:03:27,633 --> 00:03:29,533
I expect it'll be
some more neck.
75
00:03:33,401 --> 00:03:34,567
What's wrong?
76
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:36,533
I've been sacked.
77
00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:37,633
What?!
No!
78
00:03:37,633 --> 00:03:39,900
Jeremy just sacked me!
79
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:42,468
I've been completely
and utterly sacked!
80
00:03:42,468 --> 00:03:45,001
Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
81
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,234
( gasps )
Jane?
82
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:49,800
I'm so sorry.
83
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,967
I've been so stupid.
84
00:03:50,967 --> 00:03:52,967
What have you done?
85
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,900
I had a moment of madness.
86
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,234
I've taken an overdose.
87
00:03:58,234 --> 00:03:59,334
What?!
Oh, my God!
88
00:03:59,334 --> 00:04:00,334
You're not serious?
89
00:04:00,334 --> 00:04:02,533
I'm so sorry.
90
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,368
I just couldn't take it anymore.
91
00:04:04,368 --> 00:04:06,001
Oh, Christ.
Call an ambulance.
92
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:07,201
Yes!
93
00:04:07,201 --> 00:04:08,334
Jane, listen to me.
94
00:04:08,334 --> 00:04:09,800
You've got to stay conscious,
95
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,067
and you've got to tell me
everything you've taken.
96
00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:13,900
Paracetamol.
How many?
97
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:15,734
How many did you take, Jane?
98
00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:17,001
Two.
99
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:21,567
Tell everyone i forgive them.
100
00:04:24,201 --> 00:04:26,967
Two?
Well, that's as many
as you're allowed.
101
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,500
It says so on the bottle.
102
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,500
Okay.
103
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,101
You can only
take 8 in 24 hours.
104
00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:36,734
Frankly, i don't know how anyone
finds time to commit suicide.
105
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:39,001
I think you'll find
the point of an overdose
106
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:41,201
is that you exceed
the recommended dose.
107
00:04:41,201 --> 00:04:42,533
Isn't that dangerous?
108
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:46,034
Two paracetamol
won't have any effect, Jane.
109
00:04:46,034 --> 00:04:48,167
That's rubbish.
It got rid of my headache.
110
00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:49,334
I feel fantastic!
111
00:04:49,334 --> 00:04:50,533
Which, suicide-wise,
112
00:04:50,533 --> 00:04:52,301
isn't exactly
a near miss, is it?
113
00:04:52,301 --> 00:04:55,201
So you haven't actually
taken anything poisonous?
114
00:04:55,201 --> 00:04:57,101
Oh, listen to mrs. Critical.
115
00:04:57,101 --> 00:05:00,034
Perhaps it's time you started.
116
00:05:04,101 --> 00:05:06,067
Maybe it is time
for a change.
117
00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:07,500
I mean,
what's so great
118
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,567
about getting up
at six in the morning
119
00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,167
to talk about contraflow
and intersections?
120
00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:14,167
You've never
understood show biz.
121
00:05:15,368 --> 00:05:17,834
There must be something else
you'd like to do.
122
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:18,867
Yeah, something more you.
123
00:05:18,867 --> 00:05:21,767
Well, there is one thing.
124
00:05:21,767 --> 00:05:24,001
What?
Okay--
125
00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:28,167
you know how I've always wanted
to work with children?
126
00:05:28,167 --> 00:05:29,700
( snorts )
you hate children!
127
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,533
Well, I'm sure
i could overcome that
128
00:05:31,533 --> 00:05:33,700
in a professional environment.
129
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:37,368
Anyway, there's bound
to be some opportunities
to tell them off.
130
00:05:37,368 --> 00:05:39,001
What kind of work?
131
00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:44,633
Well, there's this little
opportunity that's come up,
132
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:47,301
and i thought maybe, well--
133
00:05:47,301 --> 00:05:48,434
what opportunity?
134
00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:51,167
I'll show you!
135
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,267
I'll be about an hour, okay?
136
00:05:53,267 --> 00:05:54,700
Oh, okay.
137
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,600
This is so exciting!
138
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,934
This is going to be
a whole new beginning!
139
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:00,834
And to think,
when i was committing suicide,
140
00:06:00,834 --> 00:06:02,368
I'd very nearly given up hope!
141
00:06:05,368 --> 00:06:07,667
An arse beach?
142
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:11,301
Why not?
Why not an arse beach?
143
00:06:11,301 --> 00:06:13,234
There are many
dedicated breast beaches.
144
00:06:13,234 --> 00:06:18,101
"Topless beaches,"
not dedicated breast beaches.
145
00:06:18,101 --> 00:06:20,134
They're not like
nature reserves.
146
00:06:20,134 --> 00:06:24,101
The fact is, some women
don't have large breasts,
147
00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:25,800
and they're people, too.
148
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,500
What?
149
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:28,967
Maybe they'd like the freedom
150
00:06:28,967 --> 00:06:31,567
to show us their bottoms
instead of their breasts.
151
00:06:31,567 --> 00:06:33,734
Maybe they'd enjoy
a more flexible,
152
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:35,800
ass-friendly beach
that says,
153
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,067
"hey, so long
as you got cleavage,
154
00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:40,234
who cares which way
it's facing?"
155
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:43,800
Patrick.
156
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,167
What are you doing here?
157
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:46,834
I thought you were
with lynda tonight.
158
00:06:46,834 --> 00:06:48,934
I think I'm gonna have
to terminate lynda.
159
00:06:48,934 --> 00:06:50,567
What, already?
160
00:06:50,567 --> 00:06:52,201
Oh,
i really like lynda.
161
00:06:52,201 --> 00:06:53,934
She always
remembers my name.
162
00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:56,134
It's great when women do that,
isn't it?
163
00:06:56,134 --> 00:06:59,134
Just two weeks
and she's history?
164
00:06:59,134 --> 00:07:00,533
Where did she go wrong?
165
00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:02,301
Just made a simple,
tactical error.
166
00:07:02,301 --> 00:07:03,734
Which one?
167
00:07:03,734 --> 00:07:05,034
Which of the many?
168
00:07:05,034 --> 00:07:06,334
For, many are the ways
169
00:07:06,334 --> 00:07:08,934
for a woman to leave
the cupboard of Patrick's love.
170
00:07:08,934 --> 00:07:10,600
Very true, my friend.
171
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,301
She might suggest
a weekend away together.
172
00:07:13,301 --> 00:07:15,401
Termination on the spot!
173
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,334
She might refer to him
as her boyfriend.
174
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,267
Oh, an instant,
taxi-home violation.
175
00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:21,867
She might even use a sentence
176
00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:24,600
containing
the forbidden word of death.
177
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:25,900
Both: Christmas.
178
00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:29,001
None of those.
179
00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:31,201
I'm talking about
the big mistake.
180
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,434
The one all women
should be trained to avoid.
181
00:07:33,434 --> 00:07:37,401
She has ruled out,
at any point in the future,
182
00:07:37,401 --> 00:07:39,533
the possibility of a threesome.
183
00:07:41,234 --> 00:07:44,001
How can a relationship
survive without hope?
184
00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:47,934
No disrespect, but what would
you know about relationships?
185
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:50,001
A relationship is a loving Bond
between two people,
186
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:52,101
and a threesome can take
the edge off that.
187
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,934
You've had threesomes?
188
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,567
That's fantastic.
189
00:07:57,567 --> 00:07:59,567
Sex with two complete women.
190
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,101
That's totally brilliant!
191
00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:03,500
Okay, Jeff--
calm, focus, breathe.
192
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:07,034
Steve, sex with two whole women.
193
00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:10,201
Think of the advantages.
They can't both fall asleep.
194
00:08:11,567 --> 00:08:12,800
Right.
195
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:16,468
And if one of them suddenly
leaves or punches you,
196
00:08:16,468 --> 00:08:17,967
you still got one left.
197
00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:21,734
If one of them plays
that old sneaking out
of the window trick,
198
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:23,834
there's someone there
to untie you.
199
00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:25,201
It's total genius.
200
00:08:25,201 --> 00:08:26,434
Yeah, but Jeff--
201
00:08:26,434 --> 00:08:28,134
and all those breasts.
202
00:08:28,134 --> 00:08:33,500
Your bed will be like
a breast car park.
203
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:36,267
It would be like being attacked
by the giant breast octopus,
204
00:08:36,267 --> 00:08:39,633
only this time your mother won't
wake you up before the good bit.
205
00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:42,900
I think you can probably
stop now if you like.
206
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:47,401
"Jeffrey, Jeffrey,
you're vibrating
the light fittings!"
207
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,101
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
208
00:08:49,101 --> 00:08:52,600
There would, in fact,
be just four breasts.
209
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:59,700
Steve, it's a bad idea
to actually count
women's breasts.
210
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,334
The whole bus stares at you.
211
00:09:01,334 --> 00:09:03,134
Bus?
212
00:09:03,134 --> 00:09:06,334
Bus...or whatever.
213
00:09:06,334 --> 00:09:09,034
Jeff, I've never had
a threesome.
214
00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:10,567
What?
215
00:09:10,567 --> 00:09:12,267
I don't think
anyone ever has, really.
216
00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:14,800
It's just something women say
to you when you first meet them.
217
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,001
It's your basic,
three-stage strategy.
218
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:19,533
You know--darling,
I'd love to try a threesome.
219
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:22,234
Darling, one day
I'd consider a threesome.
220
00:09:22,234 --> 00:09:25,633
Darling, I'm pregnant.
There's your threesome.
221
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:28,134
And so the cycle
of life continues.
222
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:31,468
So, lynda doesn't know
about the three stages?
223
00:09:31,468 --> 00:09:33,700
You can't respect
that kind of naivety, can you?
224
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,468
She didn't
seem naive to me.
225
00:09:35,468 --> 00:09:37,734
That would be asking a lot.
226
00:09:37,734 --> 00:09:40,401
She's very inexperienced
when it comes to sex.
227
00:09:40,401 --> 00:09:42,034
She takes ages.
228
00:09:43,734 --> 00:09:45,267
No point in putting it off,
229
00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:47,334
time to power up
the woman ejector.
230
00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:50,434
Good phone--small.
The smallest available.
231
00:09:50,434 --> 00:09:51,967
Do you know how many times
232
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,434
i couldn't find
this phone today?
233
00:09:53,434 --> 00:09:55,800
Five.
Nice.
234
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,567
You're gonna dump her
over the phone?
235
00:09:57,567 --> 00:09:59,301
Yeah. It's much less upsetting.
236
00:09:59,301 --> 00:10:01,867
Ore upsetting, surely.
237
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,533
How do you mean?
238
00:10:03,533 --> 00:10:04,567
Oh, for her?
239
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:08,533
Yes, totally excellent result.
240
00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:10,934
What?
Answer phone.
241
00:10:13,034 --> 00:10:15,567
Lynda, hi, it's Patrick.
242
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:19,468
Listen, I'm sorry to leave
a message like this
on your answer phone.
243
00:10:19,468 --> 00:10:22,401
Um, i want to put this
as gently as possible.
244
00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:24,900
I've been thinking a lot
about the future,
245
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:28,368
and you're not in it.
246
00:10:28,368 --> 00:10:31,201
So, sorry.
It's not me, it's you.
247
00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:35,101
No, hang on, it's the other way
around, isn't it?
248
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:38,600
Um, so, anyway, good luck,
lynda, and goodbye.
249
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,533
If you ever want
to call up for a chat
or just to say "hi,"
250
00:10:42,533 --> 00:10:44,700
remember, i screen
my calls. Ta ta.
251
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:48,134
Phaser's on "kill."
252
00:10:48,134 --> 00:10:49,267
Photon torpedo.
253
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,700
Ribbed.
254
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,101
Sorry.
255
00:10:55,201 --> 00:10:56,667
Well, that wasn't bad,
was it?
256
00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:57,967
Simple and direct.
257
00:10:57,967 --> 00:11:01,368
No mess, no complications,
clean break.
258
00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:03,767
Lynda: Patrick.
259
00:11:03,767 --> 00:11:05,134
Lynda!
260
00:11:06,401 --> 00:11:08,834
Hi, Patrick. Hi, guys.
261
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,101
How's my mr. Snuggle bottom?
262
00:11:10,101 --> 00:11:11,800
Fine.
263
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,134
I just thought I'd drop by
on the off chance you were here.
264
00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:16,667
What's the matter
with you lot?
265
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:18,434
You look like
you've seen a ghost.
266
00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:22,067
No, no, not at all.
No, no, no.
267
00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:24,700
No, you're not dead.
You look great.
Oh, thanks.
268
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,834
You're not, like, you know,
decomposing or anything.
269
00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:28,234
I'm not just saying that.
270
00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:31,201
( giggles )
you're so funny.
271
00:11:31,201 --> 00:11:33,867
He's so funny, isn't he?
272
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:36,767
Can i have a word,
mr. Sexy hair?
273
00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:37,834
Um--
274
00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:39,667
bit of news for you.
Come on.
275
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:42,600
See you in a minute, guys.
See you.
276
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,334
You have to tell her.
I know, i know.
277
00:11:46,468 --> 00:11:51,967
So, she's not decomposing.
278
00:11:51,967 --> 00:11:55,234
You like her, don't you?
279
00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:57,101
What are you talking about?
280
00:11:57,101 --> 00:11:58,900
I say that to lots of women.
281
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,600
She's becoming available.
282
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,334
Think you can handle being
the next guy after Patrick?
283
00:12:03,334 --> 00:12:05,800
I could take Patrick.
284
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,401
Of course you could.
285
00:12:08,401 --> 00:12:10,234
I couldn't really, could i?
286
00:12:10,234 --> 00:12:11,834
No, not really.
287
00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:13,167
Steve: Jane?
288
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,201
Steve, could you come
with me to Sally's?
289
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:16,468
I'm gonna need your help.
290
00:12:16,468 --> 00:12:18,667
The girls are there,
but i need a boy, too.
291
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,034
It's gotta be a mixed group.
292
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:24,734
Oh, look. Patrick and lynda.
293
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:26,368
They go really well together,
don't they?
294
00:12:26,368 --> 00:12:27,667
He's dumping her.
295
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,533
Good. I think she's
a bit two-faced.
296
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:31,633
Hi, you!
297
00:12:31,633 --> 00:12:35,633
Can you guess what my news is?
Before we get to that--
298
00:12:35,633 --> 00:12:38,101
I've been thinking about
your naughty, little suggestion.
299
00:12:38,101 --> 00:12:39,600
You know, a threesome.
300
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,167
And do you know what?
I got so turned on.
301
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,700
Really?
Let's do it.
302
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:50,034
What, you mean,
at some point in the future?
You'll consider it?
303
00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:52,567
No, i think we should
get started straightaway.
304
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:54,434
Tonight.
Wow.
305
00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:55,900
I'm feeling so horny!
306
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,967
( both giggle )
307
00:12:57,967 --> 00:13:00,900
can i borrow
your phone a minute?
Sure.
308
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,368
You mean, you can just phone up
for a threesome?
309
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:05,101
No, i want to check
my messages.
310
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,134
Oh, right.
311
00:13:06,134 --> 00:13:07,401
Sorry, no!
312
00:13:07,401 --> 00:13:08,533
What's wrong?
313
00:13:08,533 --> 00:13:09,834
I never lend my phone.
314
00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:12,234
Why?
It's too small.
315
00:13:12,234 --> 00:13:13,667
Small?
316
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,800
It might get lost.
You've got big ears.
317
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,434
I've just got to make a call.
318
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:25,034
( giggles )
you're so funny.
319
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:37,401
( ringing )
320
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:39,167
hello, this is lynda.
Eave a message,
321
00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:41,001
and I'll phone you back.
Ye.
322
00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:43,667
( beep )
323
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:44,867
lynda, Patrick.
324
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:47,468
Um, just thought
I'd better warn you
325
00:13:47,468 --> 00:13:52,201
that I've got
an answer phone double.
326
00:13:52,201 --> 00:13:57,468
Uh, there's a mate of mine Ivan,
and what he does, right,
327
00:13:57,468 --> 00:14:01,101
is he phones up whoever I'm
going out with at the moment,
328
00:14:01,101 --> 00:14:04,034
pretends to be me,
and dumps them.
What a joker.
329
00:14:04,034 --> 00:14:06,567
So, i hope he hasn't
wound you up too much
330
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:08,468
with that silly message.
331
00:14:08,468 --> 00:14:11,001
Um, not that I've
any reason to suppose
332
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:12,533
he has left you a message.
333
00:14:12,533 --> 00:14:15,301
It's just that he's done that
to all the other women
334
00:14:15,301 --> 00:14:16,900
I'm seeing at the moment,so--
335
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:23,667
ha ha ha. Just a bit
of answer phone humor there.
336
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,401
Just trying to lighten the mood.
337
00:14:25,401 --> 00:14:27,301
Just heading off.
338
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,334
I'm really glad
you dumped that Dizzy cow.
339
00:14:29,334 --> 00:14:30,767
She wasn't right for you.
340
00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:34,967
Oh, sorry. I didn't see
you were on the phone.
341
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,201
It's really small.
342
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:40,734
Um, hang on,
hang on a sec, lynda.
343
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:46,267
Yeah, Steve, well done
on dumping that Dizzy cow.
344
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:47,267
Nice work.
345
00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:48,834
Sorry, what was that?
346
00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:53,800
I was just saying...
347
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,067
"Good job, dumping-wise."
348
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:58,034
So, you've dumped her
properly now, have you?
349
00:14:58,034 --> 00:15:00,567
You haven't just left
a message on her answer phone?
350
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,633
For God's sake,
I'm not gonna dump her
351
00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:06,034
till after the threesome!
352
00:15:06,034 --> 00:15:07,600
Well, I'll catch you
later, okay?
353
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,468
I've gotta go
and help Jane.
354
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:21,368
I'm not Patrick, I'm Ivan.
355
00:15:21,368 --> 00:15:23,567
Ha ha. Fooled you there.
356
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,301
Just playing my big joke.
357
00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:27,834
I hope you're not gonna blame
all this on Patrick
358
00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:29,301
because I'm not Patrick,
359
00:15:29,301 --> 00:15:31,834
because, if you see,
when you think about it,
360
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:34,368
you've got no reason
to believe that i am Patrick.
361
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:37,667
None at all. No, no, no.
Ha ha. You can't prove a thing.
362
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,334
There you are, Patrick!
363
00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:40,633
Who are you talking to?
364
00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:43,734
Hello, Patrick's friend.
365
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,334
I'll be off, then.
Off?
366
00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:48,301
Yeah, I've got business.
Oh, that's a pity.
367
00:15:48,301 --> 00:15:50,633
I thought we could go
on the pull together.
368
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:53,334
You know, I'm really
in the mood tonight.
369
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:55,734
You've still got my flat key,
haven't you?
370
00:15:55,734 --> 00:15:58,167
Yeah. Yes, i have.
371
00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:01,633
Well, when you've finished
your silly old business,
372
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,167
why don't you meet me there.
373
00:16:03,167 --> 00:16:05,533
And, who knows,
maybe I'll bring a friend.
374
00:16:05,533 --> 00:16:10,067
Yes. Yes, you stay here
and, you know, whatever,
375
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:15,301
and I'll go to your flat
and erase...all my bad memories.
376
00:16:15,301 --> 00:16:16,334
Time i did that.
377
00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:18,334
( giggles )
you're so funny.
378
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:21,067
See you later, okay?
379
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,167
Okay.
380
00:16:22,167 --> 00:16:23,167
Wish me luck.
381
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:24,967
Yeah, luck. Lots.
382
00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:32,967
Okay. Threesome, three in a bed.
383
00:16:32,967 --> 00:16:35,034
Giant breast octopus.
384
00:16:35,034 --> 00:16:37,034
Take me now.
385
00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:40,500
Hello, Jeff.
386
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,700
Hello--
387
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,434
hello, lynda.
388
00:16:44,434 --> 00:16:48,900
So, got any plans
for the rest of the evening?
389
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:56,167
First of all,
390
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:57,800
I'm going to talk about me.
391
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,167
Well, you're awake.
392
00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:02,101
I've had a long look
inside myself.
393
00:17:02,101 --> 00:17:03,667
I've been peeling back
394
00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:06,834
the trembling, delicate petals
of my special selfness,
395
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:09,667
and I've uncovered nine separate
layers of inner identity,
396
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:12,201
which I'd like to share
with you in ascending order.
397
00:17:12,201 --> 00:17:14,368
Jane.
Yes, Susan?
398
00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:16,101
Choose life.
399
00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:20,468
But to cut a long
and beautiful story short--
400
00:17:20,468 --> 00:17:22,301
here's what I've decided
about my career.
401
00:17:22,301 --> 00:17:24,834
A lot of people think that
being a television presenter
402
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:26,301
is the easiest job in the world.
403
00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:28,900
Well, everybody's wrong,
and i don't mind saying it,
404
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:33,001
because there's being
a children's television
presenter!
405
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:34,967
That's gotta be
the easiest thing ever.
406
00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:37,600
You just have to waggle
your head a lot and shout.
407
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,334
Anyway, I've got
this audition coming up,
408
00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:42,434
and i just know i could do it.
409
00:17:42,434 --> 00:17:45,533
I need you guys
to help me prepare.
410
00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:50,567
So, say "hello" to aunt Jane
411
00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:53,734
and her little helper...Jake.
412
00:17:53,734 --> 00:17:54,900
Hello, everybody!
413
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:56,767
Oh, my God,
it's a penis!
414
00:17:56,767 --> 00:17:58,567
It's not a penis.
415
00:17:58,567 --> 00:17:59,700
It's a snake.
416
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:02,167
Snake, penis.
What's the difference?
417
00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:03,767
You are cute.
418
00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:07,101
Oh, sure you start off keen,
but it never lasts.
419
00:18:09,201 --> 00:18:12,034
I can see your lips moving.
420
00:18:12,034 --> 00:18:13,368
What are you talking about?
421
00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,500
Yeah, what's mr. Drippy
saying?
422
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,667
Did you really used
to go out with this guy?
423
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:20,800
I'm just saying that when Jake's
talking, i can tell it's you.
424
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,667
Ah, but you see,
Steve, it is me.
425
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:24,800
Jake's not real.
426
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,334
Yes, i got that.
427
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:30,834
It's just really obvious
it's you.
428
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:32,101
Well, of course it's obvious.
429
00:18:32,101 --> 00:18:34,834
This is a sock.
Socks can't talk, Steve.
430
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,934
You're not being
really perceptive
or anything.
431
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:40,167
You're supposed to talk
without moving your lips.
432
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:41,468
Don't be ridiculous.
433
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,434
How would anyone understand
what i was saying?
434
00:18:43,434 --> 00:18:45,533
Yeah, answer that,
mr. Floppy head.
435
00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:50,500
I do not have a floppy head
anymore. She makes me gel.
436
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,134
Who's talking about
your hair, sunshine?
437
00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:57,500
What's funny?
438
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,334
That was quite funny,
actually.
439
00:18:59,334 --> 00:19:01,767
Hey, big news!
Hold the front page!
440
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:04,533
Sensible Susan's got
a sense of humor.
441
00:19:04,533 --> 00:19:06,600
Ah, now that's unfair.
442
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,267
Susan's very funny.
She's always making me laugh.
443
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:11,600
Yeah, but usually just her walk.
444
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,700
Her walk?
445
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,468
Her bouncy walk.
446
00:19:14,468 --> 00:19:16,401
You know, boing boing boing.
447
00:19:16,401 --> 00:19:19,201
I don't have
a bouncy walk.
448
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,468
It's a lovely bouncy walk.
449
00:19:20,468 --> 00:19:22,567
I don't know why
i don't walk like that.
450
00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,600
You have breasts.
451
00:19:26,468 --> 00:19:29,201
That snake is just getting
out of hand.
452
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,667
Oh, and here she is.
It's Sally Harper.
453
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:36,500
"Oh, i look so old today.
Oh, i look so ugly today."
454
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,667
Stop your pathetic whining
for God's sake!
455
00:19:38,667 --> 00:19:42,934
My God, Susan!
I'm being criticized
by a talking penis.
456
00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:45,101
Susan: It's okay, Sally.
457
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,767
It took me three years
of counseling
458
00:19:46,767 --> 00:19:48,401
to stop having that nightmare.
459
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,934
Jane, are you absolutely certain
you told us everything you took?
460
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:57,368
Yeah, yeah,
just paracetamol.
461
00:19:57,368 --> 00:19:58,800
Right.
462
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,600
Or whatever they were.
463
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,067
Because you're always getting
pills at parties, aren't you?
464
00:20:03,067 --> 00:20:05,800
And i don't like
to label everything
in my medicine cabinet.
465
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,334
You'd never have any surprises.
466
00:20:07,334 --> 00:20:10,834
This week's top tip
from children's hour.
467
00:20:13,167 --> 00:20:14,667
Okay, and can i just clarify--
468
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:17,834
what are we supposed to be doing
to help you with your audition?
469
00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:21,800
Well, there's this guy
who does this art program
for preschoolers.
470
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,167
Well, he got caught
buying drugs last week,
471
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:27,201
so he's been promoted
to proper television.
472
00:20:27,201 --> 00:20:30,800
That means there's a vacancy,
and i just know i could do it.
473
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,267
And we help you how?
474
00:20:32,267 --> 00:20:33,834
I need practice.
475
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:36,201
What i was thinking was
you all pretend to be kids,
476
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:37,533
and do lovely paintings of me,
477
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:39,067
and i suggest improvements.
478
00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:40,734
Good plan, huh?
479
00:20:40,734 --> 00:20:46,034
Well, i think we should do that
in a lovely, calming way.
480
00:20:46,034 --> 00:20:47,867
Sorry, you mean,
we're gonna calm down
481
00:20:47,867 --> 00:20:49,967
the most self-obsessed woman
in the world
482
00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:52,201
by sitting around
doing paintings of her,
483
00:20:52,201 --> 00:20:55,167
while she has a conversation
with her own right hand?
484
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:56,767
Self-obsessed?
485
00:20:56,767 --> 00:20:59,167
Steve, I'm in no way
self-obsessed.
486
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:02,234
Give me a break,
you deluded bitch!
487
00:21:02,234 --> 00:21:04,900
What?!
488
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:07,934
You're nervous, Jeff.
489
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,734
Is it me that's making
you nervous?
490
00:21:09,734 --> 00:21:10,834
I'm always this nervous.
491
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,767
You're just closer.
You can see it better.
492
00:21:13,767 --> 00:21:16,401
I've always found you
very attractive.
493
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,533
Did you know that?
494
00:21:18,533 --> 00:21:21,134
Oh.
495
00:21:21,134 --> 00:21:24,201
So, when you said did i have
any plans for the evening,
496
00:21:24,201 --> 00:21:25,767
you didn't just want the sofa?
497
00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:27,867
No.
498
00:21:27,867 --> 00:21:30,468
Oh, people usually
just want the sofa.
499
00:21:30,468 --> 00:21:31,967
Do you find me attractive?
500
00:21:31,967 --> 00:21:35,267
Well, yeah. Obviously.
501
00:21:35,267 --> 00:21:37,767
There's nothing obvious
about it.
502
00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:40,567
You know, women get insecure,
too, you know.
503
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,867
Really?
Of course.
504
00:21:42,867 --> 00:21:46,034
I'm always worried
my breasts are too small.
505
00:21:46,034 --> 00:21:48,401
Don't be daft.
506
00:21:48,401 --> 00:21:51,034
You know what,
as long as you've got breasts,
507
00:21:51,034 --> 00:21:52,834
it doesn't matter
which way they're facing.
508
00:21:57,134 --> 00:22:02,001
Uh, i--i don't mean that yours
are facing backwards.
509
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:04,101
You're just flat-chested.
510
00:22:04,101 --> 00:22:06,867
( giggles )
oh, thank you.
511
00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:11,967
Um, um. What--
what about Patrick?
512
00:22:11,967 --> 00:22:13,368
Patrick? Oh, he's gone.
513
00:22:13,368 --> 00:22:16,767
Yeah, i know.
I was sorry to hear about that.
514
00:22:16,767 --> 00:22:18,134
What do you mean?
515
00:22:18,134 --> 00:22:20,700
It's just that Patrick
doesn't like to be tied down.
516
00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:22,234
Oh, he does, you know.
517
00:22:22,234 --> 00:22:24,234
Oh, no. I just meant--
518
00:22:29,134 --> 00:22:31,700
( humming )
519
00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:34,201
that was nice,
wasn't it?
520
00:22:34,201 --> 00:22:37,167
Uh, it was brilliant.
521
00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:39,267
I like kissing,
don't you?
522
00:22:39,267 --> 00:22:43,468
Oh, yeah.
Especially the tongues part.
523
00:22:43,468 --> 00:22:45,368
I love getting
all that extra tongue.
524
00:22:45,368 --> 00:22:47,767
You know, sometimes i eat
really cold ice cream
525
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:51,034
just so that my tongue
goes numb, and it feels
like someone else's.
526
00:22:55,468 --> 00:22:58,067
But we all get lonely sometimes.
527
00:22:58,067 --> 00:23:02,134
Jeff, how do you feel
about threesomes?
528
00:23:05,434 --> 00:23:08,567
Th-th-threesomes?
529
00:23:08,567 --> 00:23:11,834
You know, threesomes.
Three in a bed.
530
00:23:11,834 --> 00:23:14,267
I really fancy
a threesome tonight.
531
00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:15,734
I mean, do you?
532
00:23:15,734 --> 00:23:16,767
What do you think?
533
00:23:16,767 --> 00:23:20,301
Oh, that would be--
534
00:23:20,301 --> 00:23:23,500
that would be like--
that would be like an octopus.
535
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:28,500
Well, then let's not waste
any time, shall we?
536
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:31,667
Wait, but there's just
two of us, which is great,
obviously.
537
00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:34,700
I mean, that's like a whole
one more than normal, but--
538
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,900
don't worry.
539
00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:40,533
I think i know where
there's someone hot and waiting.
540
00:23:40,533 --> 00:23:44,167
Oh, brilliant!
Fantastic! Superb!
541
00:23:44,167 --> 00:23:47,234
And remember,
don't be intimidated.
542
00:23:47,234 --> 00:23:48,401
About what?
543
00:23:48,401 --> 00:23:49,834
Well, Patrick.
544
00:23:49,834 --> 00:23:52,600
Why would i be intimidated
about Patrick?
545
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,567
Well, he's a big boy,
isn't he?
546
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:56,500
I can take Patrick.
547
00:23:56,500 --> 00:23:58,201
Ooh!
548
00:24:01,067 --> 00:24:04,867
You have no right to say that.
That is completely unfair.
549
00:24:04,867 --> 00:24:07,401
I'm in no way self-obsessed.
550
00:24:07,401 --> 00:24:10,201
You are the most self-obsessed
human being who ever lived!
551
00:24:10,201 --> 00:24:12,567
I am not self-obsessed.
552
00:24:12,567 --> 00:24:16,101
Sweetheart, you're having
this whole conversation
with yourself!
553
00:24:16,101 --> 00:24:18,434
Well, so are you!
554
00:24:21,834 --> 00:24:23,500
So, what do we do?
555
00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:25,867
Well, it's bound
to wear off eventually.
556
00:24:25,867 --> 00:24:27,867
What is?
Being Jane?
557
00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:29,934
Excuse me, i was told
i could find--
558
00:24:29,934 --> 00:24:31,567
Jane.
Jeremy.
559
00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:33,101
I've been looking
for you everywhere.
560
00:24:33,101 --> 00:24:34,468
What's happened?
561
00:24:34,468 --> 00:24:37,234
We announced there
was going to be
a new traffic girl,
562
00:24:37,234 --> 00:24:39,533
and the switchboard
has been jammed all afternoon.
563
00:24:39,533 --> 00:24:40,533
Really?
564
00:24:40,533 --> 00:24:41,667
I've been doing
some research.
565
00:24:41,667 --> 00:24:43,900
It turns out you've got
a lot of supporters.
566
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:46,734
I thought it was just me,
but there are a lot of people
567
00:24:46,734 --> 00:24:49,267
that realize you're
not nearly as mad as you seem.
568
00:24:49,267 --> 00:24:52,001
Oh, that's wonderful.
569
00:24:52,001 --> 00:24:55,767
How have i ever managed to make
so many wonderful friends?
570
00:24:55,767 --> 00:24:57,368
You use your breasts!
571
00:24:57,368 --> 00:24:58,600
Shut up, Jake!
572
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,201
What is that?
573
00:25:00,201 --> 00:25:01,800
Nothing. Nothing at all.
574
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,934
I'm so excited.
Congratulations.
575
00:25:04,934 --> 00:25:07,633
Hey, is this the guy who keeps
sneaking looks up your skirt?
576
00:25:07,633 --> 00:25:10,234
Well, hi there,
mr. Not-getting-it-at-home.
577
00:25:12,867 --> 00:25:13,867
What is that?
578
00:25:15,567 --> 00:25:17,201
It's a talking snake.
579
00:25:17,201 --> 00:25:19,001
A what?
580
00:25:19,001 --> 00:25:20,934
These things happen.
581
00:25:20,934 --> 00:25:23,134
I've not been looking up
your skirt.
582
00:25:23,134 --> 00:25:25,468
Of course you haven't.
I never said you did.
583
00:25:25,468 --> 00:25:28,633
Oh, please,
you've got the hots
for her, and you know it.
584
00:25:28,633 --> 00:25:31,500
It's the reason you gave her
the job in the first place.
585
00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:33,533
How dare you!
Yes, how dare you!
586
00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:35,034
I'll handle this, Jeremy.
587
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,734
You can't talk
to Jeremy like that!
588
00:25:36,734 --> 00:25:39,834
I am the snake of truth,
and i will not be silenced!
589
00:25:39,834 --> 00:25:41,434
Right, well,
that's settled, then.
590
00:25:41,434 --> 00:25:44,800
So, you're re-employing Jane.
That's great.
591
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,967
You've gone mad.
I am not mad.
592
00:25:46,967 --> 00:25:49,368
Oh, my God, I'm naked!
593
00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:56,067
I'm going.
This woman is completely insane.
594
00:25:56,067 --> 00:25:57,967
Not at all.
It's just her right arm.
595
00:25:57,967 --> 00:25:59,368
The rest of her's fine.
596
00:25:59,368 --> 00:26:01,834
Yeah, this is the sanest
Jane's ever been.
597
00:26:01,834 --> 00:26:03,967
The thing is, Jane isn't
herself at the moment.
598
00:26:03,967 --> 00:26:05,800
She's been taking drugs.
599
00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:09,700
Okay, that didn't
really help, did it?
600
00:26:09,700 --> 00:26:13,134
I don't care how many
sad bastards phone in
supporting you.
601
00:26:13,134 --> 00:26:15,101
I don't care how many
people at the station
602
00:26:15,101 --> 00:26:16,834
think you're some kind
of wacky asset,
603
00:26:16,834 --> 00:26:19,834
I'm going to the station
and telling them
it's me or you.
604
00:26:19,834 --> 00:26:22,368
I have worked over 18 years
and am a personal friend
605
00:26:22,368 --> 00:26:24,034
of the chief executive
and the owner.
606
00:26:24,034 --> 00:26:26,368
I'm one of the most respected
people in this industry,
607
00:26:26,368 --> 00:26:29,734
and you have reasonably
attractive breasts.
608
00:26:29,734 --> 00:26:32,434
I think we both know what
the result will be. Excuse me.
609
00:26:37,067 --> 00:26:38,500
Oh, dear.
610
00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:40,567
That didn't go
very well, did it?
611
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:46,067
Is the snake gone now?
612
00:26:46,067 --> 00:26:47,600
I think so.
613
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,767
Oh, never mind.
614
00:26:49,767 --> 00:26:52,234
At least you've
still got the audition
for the other thing.
615
00:26:52,234 --> 00:26:54,267
It's not reporting traffic,
though, is it?
616
00:26:54,267 --> 00:26:56,500
I like reporting traffic,
617
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,468
and tomorrow morning,
someone else
618
00:26:58,468 --> 00:27:01,600
is going to be talking about
all those traffic jams
instead of me.
619
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:05,500
Can you imagine anything
more disappointing than that?
620
00:27:12,201 --> 00:27:13,301
( door slams )
621
00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:42,633
hi.
622
00:27:42,633 --> 00:27:44,234
Hi.
623
00:27:44,234 --> 00:27:47,001
Just thought I'd get ready.
624
00:27:48,034 --> 00:27:50,101
Are you alone?
625
00:27:50,101 --> 00:27:53,134
Say "hello"
to your new playmate.
626
00:27:54,633 --> 00:27:55,834
Hi.
627
00:28:00,234 --> 00:28:03,567
( both screaming )
628
00:28:10,301 --> 00:28:12,633
( radio show music playing )
629
00:28:12,633 --> 00:28:14,967
man: And now it's time
for our traffic report,
630
00:28:14,967 --> 00:28:18,468
and i believe
we have somebody new
to meet this morning.
631
00:28:18,468 --> 00:28:20,533
Jane: Good morning, traffic.
632
00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:23,834
You're listening
to Jake the snake,
and before we get started,
633
00:28:23,834 --> 00:28:26,334
can i just give a message
to Jeremy Phillips
634
00:28:26,334 --> 00:28:28,700
who resigned from the station
this morning.
635
00:28:28,700 --> 00:28:33,401
Bad luck, Jeremy.
You just don't have the breasts.
636
00:28:33,401 --> 00:28:35,434
*
637
00:28:35,434 --> 00:28:38,234
* if you can't make
your mind up *
638
00:28:38,234 --> 00:28:40,767
* we'll never *
639
00:28:40,767 --> 00:28:44,368
* get started *
640
00:28:44,368 --> 00:28:47,101
* and i don't want to wind up *
641
00:28:47,101 --> 00:28:52,800
* being parted,
broken-hearted *
642
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:58,101
* so if you really love me,
say yes *
643
00:28:58,101 --> 00:29:01,001
* and please don't tell me *
644
00:29:01,001 --> 00:29:04,101
* perhaps, perhaps, perhaps *