1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,320 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,880 HE MUTTERS 3 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:16,840 Don't...! No... Get out! 4 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:19,280 No! get out of my house...! 5 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,240 You! 6 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,600 Oh... 7 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,560 Oh... 8 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,760 It's wonderful to feel your energy in the room, Ken. 9 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,520 I'm just getting a glass of water. 10 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,160 I'm meditating... 11 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,680 I'm so fucking stoned. 12 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,320 I'll probably leave you to it. 13 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,960 In fact... 14 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,440 ..do you mind sitting on this? 15 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:10,080 You know, we prepare food on this surface. 16 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,320 Oh, sure, yeah. 17 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,680 If you could just... Yeah, you wanna just scooch it under? 18 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,800 Let me just... Yeah. 19 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,160 A bit higher maybe. Yep... 20 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,320 Oh, you're right in there. Oh. 21 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,000 That's nice. 22 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,520 Thank you, Ken. I'll see you in the morning. 23 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,640 Night, Dad. 24 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,000 I always imagined Rachel would marry someone educated, 25 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,840 someone with ambition. I'd respect his opinions, 26 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,800 and most importantly - 27 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:54,320 and I think this is key here - never ever see his wang or nuts. 28 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,640 Cuckoo has his qualities, Ken. 29 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,760 You know, we were talking about politics the other day, 30 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,320 he's dead against war and famine. 31 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,840 Ken, I felt like that for years. 32 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,040 Come on, love, it's Rachel's party on Saturday 33 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,920 I don't want you ruining it with your mopey face. 34 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,120 What mopey face? 35 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:19,000 You mean the one where I pout like this? 36 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,960 Oh, Ken. SHE GIGGLES 37 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,600 You forgot your water. 38 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,840 And Jen and Hannah, that's 28. 39 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,720 Mum, you do promise that you haven't blabbed to anyone about Cuckoo? 40 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,200 I promise. It is gonna be a complete and total surprise. 41 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,560 I can't wait to see people's faces. 42 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,640 I go away for my gap year and I come back married. 43 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,440 Are Connie and Steve bringing Zoe to the party? 44 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,840 Ah, dude, have you still not made a move on Zoe Chance? 45 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,880 Mum, you know the only reason he started lifeguarding 46 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,840 was so he could perve on Zoe in her swimming costume. 47 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,560 Dylan. I am a lifeguard, I'm guarding her. 48 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,480 If I don't stare at her she might drown. 49 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,800 Dylan, where's my camera? 50 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:16,920 Where did you last put it? 51 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,040 In your hands. 52 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,160 I gave it you back. 53 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,360 I don't remember that. 54 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,640 Because you're senile. 55 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,040 Right, listen, everyone, 56 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,000 I thought tonight we might have a family meeting. Oh... 57 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,120 We don't have to do this, the camera's in my room. 58 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,800 It's not about the camera or Dylan. 59 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,360 Is this about Cuckoo? 60 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:34,720 No... 61 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,320 Well, in a way. 62 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,040 It's just a meeting because, well, you know, 63 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,440 the family has a new member, which I'm delighted about, 64 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,600 and we need to introduce him to how we do things. 65 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,240 That's all. No agenda. 66 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,720 I hope not, Dad, cos Cuckoo and I don't have to live here. 67 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,680 Don't you? 68 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:56,120 No, we could live on the street and be just as happy. 69 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,160 We only stay here so you and Mum don't worry. 70 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,840 We would worry, Ken. 71 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,280 If Dad starts complaining just be strong, 72 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,440 don't let him exploit your sweet nature, OK? 73 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,240 Yeah. 74 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,880 Well, Ken can be a little old-fashioned, bless him, 75 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:20,640 but without him I wouldn't have you, 76 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:25,720 or a new home, or this, my new calling. 77 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:30,600 My whole life I've been searching for a way to change the world, 78 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,480 Rach, it's potatoes. 79 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,200 I mean, people will come to me for sustenance 80 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,840 and while they wait I'll spread my message of joy, togetherness 81 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:42,240 and war against the state. 82 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,520 How did I ever get you? 83 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,520 If a fast food van can save the world, 84 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:54,760 and I think it can, then this is the van to do it. 85 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:58,760 And it will do it. 86 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:05,880 So, Cuckoo, family meetings are opportunity to bring up any problems 87 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,160 we may have with each other. 88 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,280 It's basically a glorified way for Dad to boss us around. 89 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,680 That's not fair, Rachel. This is a two-way process. 90 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,720 Anyone can say anything about anyone, yeah? 91 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,480 It's not targeted at any individual in particular, OK? 92 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,560 Sounds great. 93 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,440 Fuck, yeah, family meeting! 94 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:30,760 So, any tensions? Any problems? Rachel? Dylan? 95 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:31,960 No-one? 96 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,520 OK, Cuckoo, Lorna and I were a little put out 97 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,720 that you entered our bedroom in your birthday suit last night, 98 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,680 weren't we, Lorna? It was weird, yes. Sorry, Cuckoo. 99 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:44,640 Basically, overall, we prefer you weren't naked in the house. 100 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,680 OK. What about when I'm in the shower? 101 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,920 Then obviously. 102 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,240 And what about when I'm making love to Rachel? 103 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,360 Also fine. 104 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,160 And what about when I'm making love to Rachel in the shower? 105 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,560 That's adventurous. 106 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,440 Also... Also fine. OK, yeah. 107 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,200 Can you just give me one second to process this, Ken? 108 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,000 OK, fine. 109 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,320 If it'll make you happy, 110 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,040 I would be honoured to put clothing on my body in your home. 111 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,560 OK. Good, OK. That's everything, thank you. 112 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:25,080 Oh, Ken, I actually have a request of my own. 113 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,840 Oh. OK, go ahead. 114 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,760 I've been here a week now and I've discovered that 115 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,720 the best place for me to meditate is in your study. 116 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,200 It's so peaceful. You're welcome to use it, with your clothes on. 117 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,840 Yes, of course. 118 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:44,000 The thing is, my meditation requires a positive feng shui, 119 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,360 so I would like it if you, Ken, could remove all of your Nazi memorabilia. 120 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,280 What? You mean my books on World War II? 121 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,000 The hoards of books about the Nazis, yes. 122 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,440 I mean, I don't mean to judge. 123 00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,440 I like history. That's why I've got books on the Nazis, OK? 124 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,160 No, yeah, I know, but I mean, how much is there to know really, Ken? 125 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,480 I mean they came to power, they invaded Italy, 126 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,760 they died of influenza. What? 127 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,320 The point is, and you don't have to agree with this, 128 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,040 I think the Nazis were bad people. 129 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,920 Yes, I agree. 130 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,080 And if I'm gonna be meditating in a room full of Nazi energy, 131 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,520 who's to say that I'm not gonna become a Nazi? 132 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,160 Dad, if Cuckoo isn't gonna be naked in the house, 133 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,560 I really think you should put your books in the garage. What? 134 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:27,960 Seems fair. 135 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,920 No. No? Yeah. 136 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,880 Ken, it's just a couple of books. 137 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,360 They are my books, Lorna, and it is my study. No. 138 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,680 Well, what happened to this two-way process? 139 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:42,960 Look, family meetings are to make the rules up for you, not for me. 140 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,160 It's my house. Our house, Ken. 141 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,600 It's our house. 142 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,800 OK, well, here's an idea, why don't we vote? 143 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,640 Brilliant, let's do that, Ken. Anything to get this over with. 144 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,480 No. No vote. 145 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,000 I suggest we all do what Dad says. 146 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,080 Fine by me. 147 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,560 OK, let's do that, Rach. No. No. No, Dad. 148 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,440 You're not getting away with this. 149 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,800 You're always going on about how the strong shouldn't impose on the weak, 150 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:09,320 and here you are in your own house lording it over everyone. 151 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,040 You're like a dictator. In fact you're like Hitler. 152 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,120 The biggest Nazi of them all. Yeah. 153 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,120 You are a bit like Hitler, Dad, you actually look like him. 154 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,160 It's the eyebrows. 155 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:24,920 All right, stop, stop! All right, we will take a vote. 156 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,360 Tomorrow night. Happy? Yep. 157 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,800 I do not have eyebrows like Hitler. 158 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,640 Well, I don't know why there has to be such a fuss. 159 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,200 Why can't you just move your Nazi books? 160 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,600 It's not about the books, Lorna. 161 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,400 If we start letting them tell us what to do 162 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,080 we lose control in our own household. 163 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,520 Those Nazi books are a symbol 164 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,880 of all that's decent and positive in our lives. 165 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,760 You mean who rules the roost, 166 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,120 who's got the biggest swinging dick, you or Cuckoo? 167 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,680 Well, I've seen them both and... 168 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:54,520 What were you going to say? 169 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,720 You know what, I've completely forgotten. 170 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,760 Lorna, what were you going to say? 171 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:06,280 I was going to say that yours is by far the biggest, 172 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,560 and I only hesitated because I didn't want you to get complacent. 173 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,400 OK. That makes sense. 174 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,000 I got your text, what d'you want? 175 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,000 Who said anything about wanting anything? 176 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,360 Come in, it's good to see you. 177 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,400 Let's cut to the chase, the vote. 178 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,960 Rachel will be with Cuckoo, Mum will be with you, 179 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,640 so I'm the deciding vote. 180 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,600 Yes, but you know, Dylan, 181 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,440 you've really grown up in the last couple of years and I know... 182 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,000 Here's the deal - I give you my vote 183 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,480 and you make Zoe come to Rachel's party on Saturday. 184 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,440 Colin and Steve's Zoe? 185 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,120 You and her parents are friends. 186 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:55,000 She's doing work experience with you. You have influence. 187 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,720 Why? So I can make my move. 188 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,160 I thought you did lifeguarding so you could make your move. 189 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,160 Yeah, it can be hard to start a conversation, she swims very fast. 190 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,600 Yeah, Dylan, I'm not inviting a 16-year-old girl to a party for you. 191 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,960 Well, then, Dad, I'm not voting for you. Dylan! 192 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,160 That's the deal, buddy. Take it or leave it. 193 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,400 You giving me a lift home? 194 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,600 Sure. 195 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,720 Connie mentioned Rachel's back in town. 196 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,480 Hence the party tomorrow. 197 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:37,280 How's Zeb? 198 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,200 Fine, yeah, enjoying university in Cambridge. 199 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,800 What? What is it, Ken? 200 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,200 Oh, no, it's just from what you said people might get the idea 201 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,120 that Zeb is at Cambridge University. 202 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,120 But I didn't say that did I, Ken? 203 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,200 I said he's at university in Cambridge. 204 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,720 I'm not gonna change my natural form of expression 205 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,280 to suit twits and morons, am I? 206 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,600 Ken, what are you doing here? 207 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,000 Just hanging out with my old mate Steve. 208 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,320 Listen I've got to pop off, 209 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,360 but I'll see all three of you at the party tomorrow, right? 210 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,560 Three of us? 211 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:15,680 Yes, you, Steve and Zoe. The team. 212 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:17,800 So lovely to see a family together. 213 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,360 Thanks, but Zoe's got another party. 214 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,200 Well, why don't you drive her to the other party later? 215 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:27,000 That really wouldn't be very convenient for us, Ken. 216 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,080 Does it matter? 217 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,360 Thing is, I need to speak to Zoe about her work experience. 218 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,040 She's still coming in the holidays? 219 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,640 Yes, I just need to give her the low-down - 220 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,120 the do's, the don'ts, safety policy. 221 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,160 Health and safety will be the death of us. 222 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,480 Spot on, Steve, such a drag, 223 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,760 but it does need to be done at the party tomorrow. 224 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,640 Yes, but Zoe's work experience doesn't start till July. 225 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,720 Can't it wait? Not really. 226 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,320 Intern, couple of years ago, 227 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,800 she came in, ignored a regulation on the first day... 228 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:03,960 and died. 229 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,240 She died? 230 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:06,280 We were all very sad, 231 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,880 but it does highlight the importance of banging it in early. 232 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,800 Well, OK, if you have to speak to Zoe, you can do it now. 233 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,560 What? Oh, it's fine, she's just upstairs. Zoe! 234 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,920 Connie, no, no. 235 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,040 Why ever not? 236 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,960 I'm hungry, Connie, my stomach is rumbling. 237 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,880 Well, I'm sure I can whip you up something. 238 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:24,920 No. 239 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,560 Well, it wouldn't be a problem. 240 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,320 And you can talk to Zoe. 241 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,080 I don't like your food. 242 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:34,760 OK... 243 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,840 Well, then I suppose we'll bring her. 244 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,920 That's fantastic news, looking forward to it already. 245 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,800 What a great girl. 246 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,000 Right, the big vote. 247 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,160 So who votes I get to keep my books in my study? 248 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,600 I do. 249 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:01,000 Ah, looks like that's carried. Thanks then, everyone. 250 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,760 Well, congratulations, Ken, you won and I lost. 251 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,320 But democracy won, so, in a way, we both won. 252 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,560 But you lost. 253 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:14,760 No, we both won. 254 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,280 Yeah, but you lost. 255 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,440 Come on, we both won. 256 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,560 You lost. 257 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,360 OK, we both won, bring it in. 258 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,600 You lost. 259 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:31,960 We both won. No. 260 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,880 Hiya, Dad. 261 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:39,920 Hi. 262 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,680 Listen, I know we disagree on pretty much everything 263 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,600 that's important in the world... 264 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,920 Sure. But you're so meaningful, how you let us have that vote. 265 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,640 Letting us decide as a family in a fair way, 266 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,560 just showed you respected me, you know. 267 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,280 No problem. 268 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,280 I love you, Dad. 269 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,720 I love you too. 270 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,360 I just miss the way we were a little bit. 271 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,640 I'm sure I'll get used to it but I just... 272 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,960 I could stay here all day. Mm. 273 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:39,840 HE COUGHS 274 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,000 Mum, you promise you haven't told any of the guests about Cuckoo? 275 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:59,400 I haven't, Rach, I have kept every secret you have ever trusted to me. 276 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:04,120 What about when you had that secret kiss with your French exchange? 277 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,320 Dad, did you know about my kiss with the French exchange? 278 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:11,280 Oui, Clement, Bastille night 2007. 279 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,440 Well, obviously I had to tell your dad. 280 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,720 I found out from Connie. 281 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,880 Desperation Pour Homme? 282 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,560 Dylan, go back and shower again. You smell like Ricky Martin. 283 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:30,880 (DOORBELL) 284 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,120 Connie, hello. Hello. 285 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,360 Hello, Steve. Lorna. 286 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,680 Oh, hello, Zoe. 287 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,280 Ah, isn't this lovely? So, Lorna, where's Rach? 288 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,000 She'll be out in a bit. Yes. 289 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,160 She's got a bit of an announcement to make. 290 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,240 Oh, right. Not pregnant? 291 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,440 No! But close. 292 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,680 Oh, got married then? 293 00:15:58,680 --> 00:15:59,720 Oooh! 294 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,800 SHE LAUGHS 295 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,760 What? 296 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:09,960 So did you do anything this summer? 297 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,320 Yeah, I went camping with my dad. 298 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,440 Oh, yeah? Whereabouts? 299 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,120 Zoe, fancy seeing you here. 300 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,320 Oh, Dylan, your dad made me come. 301 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,560 Really? That guy is so odd. 302 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,480 Dylan, that's a gay name. 303 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,680 What are you, like, ten? 304 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:24,680 12. Right. 305 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,720 So, yeah, Zoe, I was just thinking that this is a terrible party. 306 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,200 Maybe you'd wanna go somewhere more quiet so we could hang out? 307 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,160 OK. 308 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,880 Can I come? No. Well, why can't Charlie come? 309 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,280 Are you hoping to get me on my own or something? 310 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,680 What? No! No, obviously not. Charlie can come. 311 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:44,720 Come on, mate. 312 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:46,960 Come on. 313 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,240 Hi, Kelly! Oh, it's lovely to see you. 314 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,840 Hiya, Lorna. What's with the potato van out front? 315 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:58,840 My lips are sealed, it's all part of Rachel's big secret. 316 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:03,600 All I can say is it's very exciting and life-changing and romantic. 317 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,440 She got married? To the guy with the potato van? 318 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,480 SHE LAUGHS 319 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,520 Oh, shit. 320 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,040 GLASS TAPS OK. 321 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:19,800 I've told a few of you that I've got really big news. 322 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,360 Congratulations on your marriage, Rachel! 323 00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:23,480 CHEERING 324 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,640 SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY 325 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:31,400 OK, yeah, I got married to the most inspirational person 326 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,320 I have ever met. 327 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,680 His name is Cuckoo. 328 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,560 Uh... Well, I guess, hi. 329 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,800 ALL: Hi. 330 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,000 OK, silence! 331 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,480 Close your eyes. 332 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,560 Go on, close 'em. 333 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,600 Close your eyes, close your eyes. Yes, yes. 334 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,320 This'll be fun, trust me. 335 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,520 Cue-Ball, close your eyes, quit wasting my time. 336 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:02,960 Good. 337 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:08,360 I wanna talk about the word love. It's hard to define, isn't it? 338 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:13,760 It's not something we can touch or eat or smell, but it exists. 339 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,800 Scientists would have us believe 340 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:19,440 that love is just a bunch of chemicals rushing to our brains. 341 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,880 But if it were chemicals, 342 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,360 why wouldn't these so-called scientists just make some love? 343 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,680 They could bottle it, hand it out at parties. 344 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,320 It would actually be really awesome. 345 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:36,400 But the truth is, we don't need scientists to tell us what love is. 346 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:40,520 I am love, and Rachel is love. 347 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,080 And the love that is me loves the love that is her, 348 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,800 and together we bring forth our love before all of you, 349 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,000 who are also made of love. 350 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,480 And our loves cross and inter-cross and motocross 351 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,960 and build into this big old love Shreddie and... 352 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,360 Oh, my fucking God, it's beautiful. 353 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:05,560 Feel the love, be the love, never, ever let go of the love. 354 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:10,560 Which you can't anyways because you are it. 355 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,880 Thank you. 356 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,280 Also, we're bringing the lamb out in a bit 357 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,360 so if you can please re-use your knives and forks. 358 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:30,520 I've been watching you swimming this term. You're really fast. 359 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:36,200 Oh, thanks, and you've been doing good lifeguarding. 360 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,680 Hey, do you want a massage? 361 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,400 Just I've been reading up on it. 362 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,960 By coincidence, and I could really use some practise. 363 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,000 No, I'm OK. 364 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,040 Massage? 365 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,200 Great! 366 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,320 Zoe...? 367 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:02,720 It's time. 368 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,000 Bit more on my lower back. 369 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,600 That's lovely. 370 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,680 Oh, my God, look at you, look at YOU! 371 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:31,400 You're so thin and tanned, not like you used to be. 372 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,240 A right porker, weren't you? 373 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,920 Wow, thought I was meant to be the pretty one. 374 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,080 You still are. 375 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,520 SHE LAUGHS I'm not. 376 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,640 You fit bitch. 377 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,000 Can't believe you got married. 378 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,600 Weird coincidence, because actually Toby and I 379 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,840 have been thinking about getting engaged. 380 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:51,920 I haven't. 381 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,800 Yeah, well we talk about kids' names and stuff all the time. 382 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,560 You do, when you're drunk. I hate it. 383 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,280 Anyway, very much on the cards. 384 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,520 Regulation 13: when lifting heavy boxes always lift from the knee 385 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,160 and never from the lower back. 386 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,120 Regulation 14... 387 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,680 You've got a lot of Nazi books. 388 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,240 Books about Nazis. I'm interested in history. 389 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,480 But this is really a lot. 390 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,600 I'm not a Nazi. 391 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,560 Regulation 14: never enter the maintenance room 392 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,720 without supervision from the caretaker. 393 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,480 There we go, all done. 394 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,080 Is that it? 395 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,240 Yep, ordeal over, swill your mouth out on the way out. 396 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,240 Like at the dentist. 397 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,680 Do you fancy me or something? 398 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,280 What? Because I'm looking for an explanation 399 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,280 on why you made me miss my party for this crappy talk. 400 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,920 Was it really so crappy? 401 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,960 And the obvious one is you wanted to get me alone in your study. 402 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,880 What? 403 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,680 Zoe, that is a scandalous accusation 404 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,240 and one that I really hope you keep to yourself. 405 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,000 So what, you're just being weird? 406 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,760 Well, if wanting to prepare a friend's child 407 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,080 for a potentially life-defining internship is weird, 408 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,360 then yes, I'm weird. 409 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,080 You could say that I'm weird. I'm weird. 410 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,520 You're weird. Yes, weird. Not a perv, 411 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,000 just harmlessly strange. 412 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,960 Mmm. Yeah. Go now. 413 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,920 So yeah, I had it made in Vietnam and it cost basically nothing 414 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,800 and they were the sweetest kids. 415 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,880 Ah, it's such amazing news! 416 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:44,160 Aw, Rach, I'm so happy... and Cuckoo. 417 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,240 Weird, though, because I always thought you'd marry Zeb, our Zeb. 418 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:49,520 I don't even know him. 419 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,560 No, me. Really? 420 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,600 Well, could still happen, though. 421 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,560 I mean, this is a bit whirlwind, isn't it? 422 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,040 Could all fall through. 423 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:01,920 No, Connie, we're really happy. Yeah. Well, you never know. 424 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:06,600 And when...if... when it does happen... 425 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,120 ..Zeb. 426 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:11,720 Oh! 427 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,040 I like her. Ohhh! 428 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,040 No? 429 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:20,720 LOUD MUSIC PLAYS 430 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,320 Hiya, Zoe. Bored? 431 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,080 Yeah. 432 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,080 So why don't you get off with Dylan? 433 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,200 Might as well, not like there's anything else to do. 434 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,120 Hmm. 435 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,000 D'you wanna...talk outside? 436 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,520 All right. 437 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:11,960 Dylan, Zoe, stop there. We're gonna have a photo. 438 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,280 Photo everybody? ENTHUSIASTIC RESPONSE 439 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,960 Come on! Come on! 440 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,920 Right, let's get you four. 441 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,280 Oh, no, Ken, come on, you've gotta be in it. 442 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:31,200 And I'll take this, let me take this. Oh, thank you, Steve. 443 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:36,200 Now, how d'you get the old flash on this, on the...? Oh... Oh, no. 444 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,520 I've got all your old photographs up here, Ken. 445 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,440 No naughty snaps of Lorna, I hope. 446 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:42,840 Yeah, you wish. 447 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,920 ALL LAUGH 448 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,040 Ken, why have you got photographs 449 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:51,040 of our teenage daughter in her swimming costume on your camera? 450 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,600 I haven't. You do, Ken. 451 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,080 What the hell is this, Ken? 452 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,920 Oh, my God, you are a perv. 453 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,560 Ken? 454 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:06,480 Now look, Steve. 455 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,360 Shut up! 456 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:09,640 I'm gonna... 457 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:10,960 I'm gonna... 458 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,200 ALL GASP Chicken. 459 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:22,760 Oh, OK. 460 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:27,920 All right, everybody, listen. I didn't take them, it wasn't me. 461 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,240 If you tell them, I'll tell Rachel you bought my vote. 462 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:34,560 Thing is, I lent Dylan my camera. 463 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,720 Dylan has a little crush on Zoe. I fucking don't. 464 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,880 Don't try and fob it off on your son. 465 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,000 OK, all right, all right, everybody just relax. 466 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,320 Now, Steve, look, you have a very beautiful, 467 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,360 very alluring daughter, 468 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:48,280 and if Ken wants to take a couple of pictures 469 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,880 of her sweet little tush, I mean... 470 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,600 HOWLS OF OUTRAGE Shut up, Cuckoo! 471 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,600 Shut up! I was wrong. Give me the camera. 472 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,440 This is evidence. Give me the camera, you stupid little man. 473 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,560 Get off me, get off me. 474 00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:58,920 God's sake! 475 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,480 Honestly. Look at these pictures. 476 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:09,760 Dylan, Dylan, Dylan's friends. Dylan took these. 477 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,560 He did it when he was lifeguarding. 478 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:16,880 Right, oh, honest mistake, Ken. Sorry about the chicken drumstick. 479 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,040 Come on. 480 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,680 Wait, Zoe, wait. 481 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,680 I know you're probably thinking about getting me back for that. 482 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,600 The thing is, you've really matured 483 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,040 over the last couple of year's, Son, and I know... 484 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,200 So this is what the garage looks like. 485 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,440 Peace offering. 486 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,320 I forgive you, Ken. For? 487 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:59,840 For bribing your son to corrupt the process of democracy in our house. 488 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,920 Well, that is big of you. 489 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,200 I guess it is. 490 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,640 Ken, I've always considered myself a teacher, 491 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:15,080 and of all my students you're the naughty, special one, aren't you? 492 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:19,280 Lorna is the happy one, Dylan is the dim-witted one, 493 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,280 and Rachel is the one I have sex with. 494 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,400 A lot. 495 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,360 Come on, let's hug it out. 496 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,400 A big bite of juicy Ken steak. 497 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,760 Haaaaaaaa...! 498 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,680 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd