1
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<font color="#ffffff">This programme contains</font>
<font color="#ffffff">some strong language.</font>

2
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<font color="#00ffff">Hiya, fatso! All ready</font>
<font color="#00ffff">for your wedding anniversary?</font>

3
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<font color="#ffffff">Yeah. Met your mother</font>
<font color="#ffffff">24 wonderful years ago. </font><font color="#00ffff">Aww!</font>

4
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<font color="#ffff00">Something smells good.</font>

5
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<font color="#ffffff">Yes, and smell is all you're getting.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">This is for me and Lorna.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">You two are leaving.</font>

6
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<font color="#ffff00">Oh, OK, I get it. A little alone</font>
<font color="#ffff00">time. Chika-bow-wow!</font>

7
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<font color="#ffff00">You're going to have sex.</font>

8
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<font color="#00ffff">How was work, baby?</font>

9
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<font color="#ffff00">Oh, it was OK. You know. I made</font>
<font color="#ffff00">a lot of money today,</font>

10
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<font color="#ffff00">and the customers were</font>
<font color="#ffff00">complimentary about the food.</font>

11
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<font color="#ffffff">You say it like it's a bad thing.</font>

12
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<font color="#ffff00">Ken, I didn't build a potato van</font>
<font color="#ffff00">cum spiritual advice centre</font>

13
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<font color="#ffff00">so I could...work. I want to</font>
<font color="#ffff00">heal people. Open their eyes.</font>

14
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<font color="#00ffff">You opened my eyes, Cuckoo.</font>

15
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<font color="#ffff00">I know.</font>

16
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<font color="#ffff00">And I think Ken would admit his life</font>
<font color="#ffff00">has turned around a bit, too.</font>

17
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<font color="#ffffff">Yeah. It's different...</font>

18
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<font color="#ffffff">Slash, ruined. </font><font color="#00ffff">Dad!</font>

19
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<font color="#ffff00">It's starting to occur to me that</font>
<font color="#ffff00">people might not want advice</font>

20
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<font color="#ffff00">from the guy giving them a potato</font>
<font color="#ffff00">out of a truck. </font><font color="#ffffff">Mmm!</font>

21
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<font color="#ffff00">I mean, what if the people in your</font>
<font color="#ffff00">capitalist Babylon</font>

22
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<font color="#ffff00">never truly appreciate</font>
<font color="#ffff00">my incredible gift?</font>

23
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<font color="#ffffff">Hey, well, here's a thought. Maybe</font>
<font color="#ffffff">just serve them potatoes, and forget</font>
<font color="#ffffff">about the spiritual horse shit.</font>

24
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<font color="#ffff00">Whatever.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">Dad, you shouldn't have said that.</font>

25
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<font color="#ffff00">Whoa! I mean, what if all the great</font>
<font color="#ffff00">gurus throughout history</font>
<font color="#ffff00">took Ken's advice.</font>

26
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<font color="#ffff00">Stick to the carpentry, Jesus!</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Stick to the interpretive dance,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Gandhi!</font>

27
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<font color="#ffff00">You know what, Ken? I can do this.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">And I will prove to you that</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I can do it.</font>

28
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<font color="#ffffff">Good for you. I want you to show me</font>
<font color="#ffffff">you can do it. But now,</font>
<font color="#ffffff">leave for the evening.</font>

29
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<font color="#00ff00">Helloooo!</font>

30
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<font color="#00ff00">Ooh, very romantic!</font>
<font color="#00ff00">To what do I owe this pleasure?</font>

31
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<font color="#ffffff">No reason! Just thought it was the</font>
<font color="#ffffff">right night for a special dinner.</font>

32
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<font color="#00ff00">Oh, yeah, you said you were cooking.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Is there enough for Steve</font>
<font color="#00ff00">and Connie?</font>

33
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<font color="#ffffff">Why?</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I invited them round.</font>

34
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<font color="#ffffff">Lorna, it's our anniversary.</font>

35
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<font color="#00ff00">I knew that! I didn't forget!</font>

36
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<font color="#00ff00">I just thought you'd have a better</font>
<font color="#00ff00">time with our friends.</font>

37
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<font color="#ffffff">Connie is YOUR friend.</font>

38
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<font color="#ffffff">I don't like Steve - he's a potent</font>
<font color="#ffffff">combination of boring and insane.</font>

39
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<font color="#00ffff">Connie and Steve? Is Zoe coming?</font>

40
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<font color="#00ff00">No.</font>

41
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<font color="#ffff00">Well, seeing as how you guys are</font>
<font color="#ffff00">having company, mind if we join?</font>

42
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<font color="#ffffff">Brilliant.</font>

43
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<font color="#ffffff">HE WHISPERS: </font><font color="#ffff00">You're going to</font>
<font color="#ffff00">have sex tonight.</font>

44
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<font color="#ffffff">LAUGHTER AND CHATTER</font>

45
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<font color="#00ffff">Lorna said you were changing</font>
<font color="#00ffff">university, Rach? Because of your</font>
<font color="#00ffff">gap year love affair.</font>

46
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<font color="#ffffff">That way Cuckoo and I can stay here</font>
<font color="#ffffff">at home with Mum and Dad.</font>

47
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<font color="#ffff00">I love living here, Connie.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I mean, Ken and Lorna are such</font>
<font color="#ffff00">warm-hearted, simple people.</font>

48
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<font color="#ffffff">Thanks, Cuckoo.</font>

49
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<font color="#ffff00">So, Connie, what do you do?</font>

50
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<font color="#00ffff">I work with Lorna,</font>
<font color="#00ffff">we're estate agents.</font>

51
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<font color="#ffff00">Hey, did she tell you I believe</font>
<font color="#ffff00">all houses should be free.</font>

52
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<font color="#ffffff">Warning, Connie - I once lost</font>
<font color="#ffffff">two hours to this.</font>

53
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<font color="#00ffff">No, no - I'm interested.</font>

54
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<font color="#00ffff">All houses should be free?</font>
<font color="#00ffff">You really think that?</font>

55
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<font color="#ffff00">Uh, well, not just me.</font>

56
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<font color="#ffff00">There was also that clever little</font>
<font color="#ffff00">guy with the white beard who said</font>
<font color="#ffff00">"property is theft".</font>

57
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<font color="#ffff00">What was his name, again? Oh, yeah,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">right - Darwin.</font>

58
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<font color="#ffffff">Marx.</font>

59
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<font color="#ffff00">Top marks to you, as well, Ken.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I love this guy.</font>

60
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<font color="#00ffff">How would you get the money</font>
<font color="#00ffff">to build houses?</font>

61
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<font color="#00ffff">How about the profound</font>
<font color="#00ffff">economic crisis</font>

62
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<font color="#00ffff">when the billions invested in land</font>
<font color="#00ffff">were wiped out in one single stroke?</font>

63
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<font color="#ffff00">Connie, I would rather the global</font>
<font color="#ffff00">economy collapse around us in flames</font>

64
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<font color="#ffff00">than one man slept on the streets</font>
<font color="#ffff00">tonight.</font>

65
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<font color="#ffffff">LAUGHTER</font>

66
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<font color="#00ffff">Aw, it's a sweet idea, Cuckoo,</font>

67
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<font color="#00ffff">but probably leave the thinking to</font>
<font color="#00ffff">other people and stick to potatoes.</font>

68
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<font color="#ffffff">LAUGHTER</font>
<font color="#00ff00">"Stick to potatoes."</font>

69
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<font color="#00ffff">Oh, I'm sorry, Rach - Cuckoo just</font>
<font color="#00ffff">makes me laugh, that's all.</font>

70
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<font color="#00ff00">He makes me ROAR!</font>

71
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<font color="#00ff00">Moving swiftly on.</font>

72
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<font color="#00ff00">So, Zeb is coming down for my</font>
<font color="#00ff00">judo final...</font>

73
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<font color="#ffff00">Be quiet, Steve. Connie,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">where is all this anger coming from?</font>

74
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<font color="#00ffff">What? I'm not angry.</font>

75
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<font color="#ffff00">No. I've met a bunch of people</font>
<font color="#ffff00">like you before.</font>

76
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<font color="#ffff00">Somehow, somewhere along the way</font>
<font color="#ffff00">you lost sight of your dreams,</font>

77
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<font color="#ffff00">and it's left you really angry</font>
<font color="#ffff00">and super-mean.</font>

78
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<font color="#ffff00">Tell me something, what did you</font>
<font color="#ffff00">want to be when you grew up?</font>

79
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<font color="#00ff00">I wanted to be a guerrilla soldier -</font>
<font color="#00ff00">somebody tall and powerful,</font>

80
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<font color="#00ff00">that, if you crossed him, he would</font>
<font color="#00ff00">snap you in his strong hands</font>
<font color="#00ff00">like a twig.</font>

81
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<font color="#ffff00">No one asked you, Steve.</font>

82
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<font color="#ffff00">What did you want to be, Connie?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Cuckoo!</font>

83
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<font color="#00ffff">No, no, Ken. It's fine.</font>

84
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<font color="#00ffff">Well, you'll laugh, but...</font>

85
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<font color="#00ffff">I wanted to be a singer.</font>

86
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<font color="#00ff00">Connie. No.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">I couldn't really sing, I just...</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Just something you grow out of.</font>

87
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<font color="#ffff00">Connie, I would love</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to hear you sing.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Maybe another time.</font>

88
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<font color="#ffff00">Yeah, or maybe right now?</font>

89
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<font color="#ffff00">I mean, everyone wants to hear</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Connie sing, right? I know I do.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Erm...</font>

90
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<font color="#00ff00">Go on, Connie. I'd love to hear</font>
<font color="#00ff00">you sing. I've never heard you sing.</font>

91
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<font color="#00ffff">Yeah, come on, Connie!</font>

92
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<font color="#ffffff">Connie, it's up to you. But if you</font>
<font color="#ffffff">DON'T want to sing, that's fine too.</font>

93
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<font color="#00ffff">Well, if people are insisting.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">And I think we are.</font>

94
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<font color="#ffffff"># It's been seven hours</font>
<font color="#ffffff">and fifteen days</font>

95
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<font color="#ffffff"># Since you took your love away</font>

96
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<font color="#ffffff"># Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah</font>

97
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<font color="#ffffff"># I go out every night</font>
<font color="#ffffff">and sleep all day</font>

98
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<font color="#ffffff"># Since you took your love away</font>

99
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<font color="#ffffff"># Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah</font>

100
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<font color="#ffffff"># Since you've been gone</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I can do whatever I want</font>

101
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<font color="#ffffff"># I can see whomever I choose</font>

102
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<font color="#ffffff"># Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah</font>

103
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<font color="#ffffff"># I can eat my dinner</font>
<font color="#ffffff">in a fancy restaurant</font>

104
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<font color="#ffffff"># But nothing</font>

105
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<font color="#ffffff"># I said, nothing can take away</font>
<font color="#ffffff">these blues</font>

106
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<font color="#ffffff"># Cos nothing compares</font>

107
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<font color="#ffffff"># Nothing compares to you! #</font>

108
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<font color="#ffff00">Wow!</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Connie, what are you, a swan?!</font>

109
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<font color="#ffff00">Yes! Come on, guys! Give it up!</font>

110
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<font color="#ffffff">HE APPLAUDS</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Give it up! Woo!</font>

111
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<font color="#ffff00">Connie, yeah!</font>

112
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:17,040
<font color="#ffff00">Oh, man. I mean... Lorna, you want</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to talk about how that affected you?</font>

113
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<font color="#00ff00">Affected me?</font>

114
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:27,280
<font color="#00ff00">Er, well, Connie... I think</font>
<font color="#00ff00">it was beautiful.</font>

115
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<font color="#ffff00">Ken?</font>

116
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<font color="#ffffff">HE SWALLOWS</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I'm deeply moved.</font>

117
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<font color="#00ffff">Well. I suppose I have</font>
<font color="#00ffff">always known I could sing.</font>

118
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<font color="#00ff00">Don't give up your day job, though,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">eh?</font>
<font color="#ffffff">HE CHUCKLES</font>

119
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,440
<font color="#ffff00">Just great.</font>

120
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<font color="#ffff00">Now we can enjoy the rest of our</font>
<font color="#ffff00">meal together.</font>

121
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<font color="#ffff00">Except for Steve.</font>

122
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<font color="#00ff00">Bye, Connie. </font><font color="#00ffff">Lovely. </font><font color="#ffffff">Aw, lovely</font>
<font color="#ffffff">seeing you. </font><font color="#00ffff">Nice to see you. Bye.</font>

123
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<font color="#ffffff">Ah...</font>

124
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,160
<font color="#ffffff">I hate them.</font>

125
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,480
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, come on, you're still</font>
<font color="#00ff00">in a mood, you big grump box.</font>

126
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,560
<font color="#ffffff">Lorna, it's been the worst</font>
<font color="#ffffff">anniversary ever.</font>

127
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,000
<font color="#00ff00">Remember - the night is not</font>
<font color="#00ff00">over yet, Ken.</font>

128
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,160
<font color="#ffffff">I suppose it isn't, is it? </font><font color="#00ff00">No.</font>

129
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:16,160
<font color="#ffffff">CONNIE: </font><font color="#00ffff">I sounded good in there.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">And, you know, maybe I should have</font>
<font color="#00ffff">a look at singing again.</font>

130
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,040
<font color="#00ff00">Darling, you cannot sing.</font>

131
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,160
<font color="#00ff00">You sound like an elephant</font>
<font color="#00ff00">fucking an owl.</font>

132
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,760
<font color="#00ff00">I thought we'd given up singing.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">We agreed basically it was annoying.</font>

133
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,760
<font color="#00ffff">Steve, you are so negative</font>
<font color="#00ffff">about me!</font>

134
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,040
<font color="#00ff00">Connie, we're making a scene.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">come on, get in the car. Now.</font>

135
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,400
<font color="#00ffff">No!</font>

136
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,680
<font color="#ffff00">Hey, guys?</font>

137
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,600
<font color="#ffff00">I was just here on the john,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I couldn't help but overhear.</font>

138
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:40,520
<font color="#ffff00">Steve, years ago you met a beautiful</font>
<font color="#ffff00">songbird just flying free.</font>

139
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:44,080
<font color="#ffff00">and you were attracted to her.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Sexually.</font>

140
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,320
<font color="#ffff00">And now, you're putting her</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in a cage, man.</font>

141
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:52,400
<font color="#ffff00">Look at her, her plumage is</font>
<font color="#ffff00">all wilted, her droppings</font>
<font color="#ffff00">are discoloured -</font>

142
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<font color="#ffff00">a sure sign of sickness.</font>

143
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,520
<font color="#ffff00">Question you've got to ask yourself,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">is what you're going to do</font>
<font color="#ffff00">about it, Steve.</font>

144
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,040
<font color="#00ff00">Connie, get in the car.</font>

145
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,120
<font color="#ffff00">Connie - never let anyone</font>
<font color="#ffff00">question your dreams.</font>

146
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,960
<font color="#ffff00">Because without our dreams,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">what are we?</font>

147
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,880
<font color="#00ff00">This is between me and my wife!</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Connie - get in the car, now!</font>

148
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,920
<font color="#ffff00">Steve, you're blowing it, man.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Shut up!</font>

149
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,480
<font color="#00ff00">You...goofball!</font>

150
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,520
<font color="#00ff00">Connie - car, now!</font>

151
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,640
<font color="#ffff00">That hurts, Steve.</font>

152
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:22,680
<font color="#ffff00">Anyways, Connie. Just putting it</font>
<font color="#ffff00">out there. Food for thought.</font>

153
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:27,560
<font color="#ffff00">Now, I'm going to close the window.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I need some privacy while I</font>
<font color="#ffff00">finish up in here, OK?</font>

154
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,680
<font color="#ffffff">DOORBELL RINGS</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, Con!</font>

155
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:35,720
<font color="#00ffff">Oh, Lorn - can I stay tonight?</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Of course.</font>

156
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:36,960
<font color="#ffff00">Connie.</font>

157
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,120
<font color="#ffff00">You can stay as long as you like.</font>

158
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,560
<font color="#ffffff">HE SIGHS</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Fucking Steve!</font>

159
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,920
<font color="#00ff00">Finally, Mr Thompson,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">I get you alone!</font>

160
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,920
<font color="#ffffff">THEY GIGGLE</font>

161
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,960
<font color="#ffffff">CONNIE SINGS: </font><font color="#00ffff"># Gold!</font>
<font color="#00ffff">Always believe in your soul... #</font>

162
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,560
<font color="#ffffff">CUCKOO: </font><font color="#ffff00">Good!</font>

163
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,760
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, come on. </font><font color="#ffffff">No.</font>

164
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:07,160
<font color="#00ff00">I'll sort it out. </font><font color="#ffffff">Lorn, I can't.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">SINGING CONTINUES</font>

165
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,840
<font color="#ffffff">I can't, not to this.</font>

166
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:13,560
<font color="#00ff00">Try. Just try. </font><font color="#ffffff">I can't.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Let me have a go. </font><font color="#ffffff">No!</font>

167
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,760
<font color="#ffffff">Lorn, not to this. Please.</font>

168
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,440
<font color="#ffffff">Just sleep.</font>

169
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:25,160
<font color="#00ffff"># Ken is having breakfast</font>

170
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,320
<font color="#ffff00"># Breakfast</font>

171
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,440
<font color="#00ffff"># He's got cornflakes in his bowl</font>

172
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,480
<font color="#ffff00"># In his stupid bowl</font>

173
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,400
<font color="#00ffff"># He's not looking too happy</font>

174
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,240
<font color="#ffff00"># It's all a front... #</font>

175
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,800
<font color="#00ff00">Ooh! This is jolly! Go, Connie!</font>

176
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,880
<font color="#00ffff"># He's got a big smile</font>
<font color="#00ffff">in his heart... #</font>

177
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,320
<font color="#00ff00">I thought you were the one who was</font>
<font color="#00ff00">supposed to like music.</font>

178
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,200
<font color="#ffffff">I do like music, and I'd like</font>
<font color="#ffffff">to protect it.</font>

179
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,840
<font color="#ffff00"># Giant body...</font>

180
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,920
<font color="#ffff00"># Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken</font>

181
00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:02,520
<font color="#ffff00"># Ken...is huge! #</font>

182
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,600
<font color="#ffff00">NOW I'm hungry!</font>
<font color="#ffffff">THEY LAUGH</font>

183
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,920
<font color="#ffff00">You're looking at my hat,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">aren't you, Ken?</font>

184
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,960
<font color="#ffff00">It's a Tibetan guru hat. Actually</font>
<font color="#ffff00">channels a lot of really powerful</font>
<font color="#ffff00">mountain energy.</font>

185
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,480
<font color="#ffffff">You're a guru today, are you?</font>

186
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,760
<font color="#ffff00">Today and every day,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">and as a guru it is my task</font>

187
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,720
<font color="#ffff00">to draw out the abilities of</font>
<font color="#ffff00">super-talented people around me.</font>

188
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,000
<font color="#ffff00">People like...</font>

189
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,880
<font color="#ffff00">Oh yeah, Connie!</font>

190
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,880
<font color="#ffff00">Steve is going to eat his words</font>
<font color="#ffff00">when she's a professional singer.</font>

191
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,760
<font color="#ffffff">A professional singer? And how</font>
<font color="#ffffff">exactly is that going to happen?</font>

192
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,120
<font color="#00ffff">Luckily for me, Cuckoo tells me</font>
<font color="#00ffff">he's a really good teacher.</font>

193
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,720
<font color="#ffff00">Guilty! And do you know why</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I'm a really good teacher, Ken?</font>

194
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,560
<font color="#ffffff">No. </font><font color="#ffff00">Because I listen.</font>

195
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:45,720
<font color="#ffffff">The thing... </font><font color="#ffff00">Shh!</font>

196
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,360
<font color="#ffff00">I listen.</font>

197
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,280
<font color="#ffff00">What?</font>

198
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,040
<font color="#00ff00">Isn't it sweet!</font>

199
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,120
<font color="#ffffff">She says she wants to be a singer.</font>

200
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,000
<font color="#ffffff">If she can be a singer,</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I can be a singer!</font>

201
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,840
<font color="#00ff00">That's a bit arrogant, Ken!</font>
<font color="#ffffff">How long is she staying, Lorn?</font>

202
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:07,480
<font color="#00ff00">Well, that's up to her.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Look, it's just a tiff with Steve.</font>

203
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,360
<font color="#00ff00">It'll blow over soon enough.</font>

204
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,840
<font color="#00ff00">Just, whatever you do,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">don't get involved.</font>

205
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:16,600
<font color="#00ffff">Mum and Dad, I really feel that</font>
<font color="#00ffff">if Connie is staying here,</font>

206
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,680
<font color="#00ffff">Zoe should be here too.</font>

207
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,200
<font color="#00ffff">She could stay in my room.</font>

208
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,680
<font color="#00ffff">What?</font>

209
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,960
<font color="#00ffff">Oh, I didn't mean it like that!</font>
<font color="#00ffff">You guys have filthy minds.</font>

210
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,520
<font color="#00ffff">I pity you.</font>

211
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,960
<font color="#ffff00">We're going to go get going.</font>

212
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,960
<font color="#ffffff">Cuckoo, Cuckoo.</font>

213
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,920
<font color="#ffffff">About this guru thing.</font>

214
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,360
<font color="#ffffff">You seem to be putting a load of</font>
<font color="#ffffff">silly notions into Connie's head.</font>

215
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:44,400
<font color="#ffff00">OK, Ken, if I break a glass,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I will apologise.</font>

216
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:48,000
<font color="#ffff00">If I break someone's electric razor,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I will apologise.</font>

217
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:54,080
<font color="#ffff00">Sorry about that, by the way.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">But if I break some lost soul</font>
<font color="#ffff00">out of her spiritual prison</font>

218
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,440
<font color="#ffff00">and help her reach her dreams,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">then I will not apologise.</font>

219
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,120
<font color="#ffff00">Unless in doing so,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">I break a glass.</font>

220
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,080
<font color="#ffff00">Which, in this case, I have not.</font>

221
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,560
<font color="#ffffff">Cuckoo, what do you even know</font>
<font color="#ffffff">about singing?</font>

222
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,160
<font color="#ffff00">Check this out.</font>

223
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,720
<font color="#ffff00"># Don't, don't you want me?</font>

224
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,960
<font color="#ffff00"># You know I don't believe it</font>
<font color="#ffff00">when I hear that you won't see me</font>

225
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,480
<font color="#ffff00"># Don't, don't you want me now?</font>

226
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,040
<font color="#ffff00"># You know I don't believe it</font>

227
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,560
<font color="#ffff00"># When you say that</font>
<font color="#ffff00">you don't need me... #</font>

228
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:28,080
<font color="#ffff00">Ah, man, I was beautiful back then.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">But so lost.</font>

229
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,920
<font color="#ffffff">MUSIC STOPS</font>

230
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,640
<font color="#ffff00">And there are even some people,</font>

231
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,160
<font color="#ffffff">HE RAISES VOICE: </font><font color="#ffff00">like Ken,</font>

232
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,720
<font color="#ffff00">would have considered me successful</font>

233
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,960
<font color="#ffff00">what with my place at Yale</font>
<font color="#ffff00">and my recording contract.</font>

234
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,520
<font color="#ffff00">But, in here, I was</font>
<font color="#ffff00">bottom of the class.</font>

235
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:48,480
<font color="#ffff00">So, I left the country, did a lot</font>
<font color="#ffff00">of drugs - which I am NOT proud of.</font>

236
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,800
<font color="#ffff00">And some drugs that I am proud of,</font>

237
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,000
<font color="#ffff00">and became the man</font>
<font color="#ffff00">that stands before you today.</font>

238
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,200
<font color="#00ffff">Why are you telling me this?</font>

239
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:59,680
<font color="#ffff00">Connie, we can be anything we choose</font>
<font color="#ffff00">if we want it enough.</font>

240
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:02,840
<font color="#ffff00">All we have to do is</font>
<font color="#ffff00">believe in ourselves.</font>

241
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,720
<font color="#ffff00">Do you believe in yourself?</font>

242
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:05,840
<font color="#00ffff">Yes!</font>

243
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,840
<font color="#ffff00">No, you don't! You think</font>
<font color="#ffff00">you're worthless. Say it.</font>

244
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,800
<font color="#00ffff">I think I'm worthless.</font>

245
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,120
<font color="#ffff00">Exactly.</font>

246
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,440
<font color="#ffff00">And you've got to get rid of</font>
<font color="#ffff00">that negativity</font>

247
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,640
<font color="#ffff00">if you're going to become the singer</font>
<font color="#ffff00">that you've always known</font>
<font color="#ffff00">you are.</font>

248
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,080
<font color="#ffff00">You're going to have to change.</font>

249
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,960
<font color="#ffff00">Not here.</font>

250
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,400
<font color="#ffff00">Here.</font>

251
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,120
<font color="#00ffff">In my mind?</font>

252
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,480
<font color="#ffff00">Marks.</font>

253
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,680
<font color="#ffff00">Let's begin.</font>

254
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,360
<font color="#ffff00">There's over 400 ways</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to hit a bongo.</font>

255
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,080
<font color="#ffff00">You are about to do your first.</font>

256
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,200
<font color="#ffff00">Ohhh, yeah!</font>

257
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,120
<font color="#ffff00">< Very good.</font>

258
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,640
<font color="#ffff00">Great acoustics in here!</font>

259
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,160
<font color="#ffff00">Good. Good.</font>

260
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,400
<font color="#ffff00">BAD!</font>

261
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,600
<font color="#ffff00">< Bad!</font>

262
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,440
<font color="#00ffff">Ooh, Ken! Look at that face.</font>

263
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,840
<font color="#ffffff">THEY CHANT</font>

264
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,520
<font color="#ffffff">Shut up!</font>

265
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,920
<font color="#ffffff">Shut up!</font>

266
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,760
<font color="#ffffff">SHE SINGS</font>

267
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:17,920
<font color="#ffff00">Hey, I hope you don't mind.</font>

268
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,320
<font color="#ffff00">We used some of your clothes</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to make a vocal booth.</font>

269
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,720
<font color="#ffff00">'Hey, Ken. We used this</font>
<font color="#ffff00">little tape thing</font>

270
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,120
<font color="#ffff00">'for some of Connie's</font>
<font color="#ffff00">song ideas. And go.'</font>

271
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,880
<font color="#ffffff">SHE SINGS WORDLESSLY</font>

272
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,000
<font color="#ffff00">'Good.'</font>

273
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,680
<font color="#ffffff">SINGING STOPS</font>

274
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,360
<font color="#ffffff">Well, she'll have to go.</font>

275
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,440
<font color="#ffffff">If you don't ask her, I will.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Don't you dare!</font>

276
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,560
<font color="#00ff00">Connie needs our support.</font>

277
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,480
<font color="#00ff00">And Steve is a slightly strange guy.</font>

278
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,840
<font color="#00ff00">Some of the things</font>
<font color="#00ff00">she has to put up with!</font>

279
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,680
<font color="#ffffff">Oh, come on then,</font>

280
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,800
<font color="#ffffff">oh collector of gossip.</font>
<font color="#ffffff">Lay down the day's catch.</font>

281
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,320
<font color="#00ff00">Well...</font>

282
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,520
<font color="#00ff00">he is obsessed with the curtains.</font>

283
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,120
<font color="#00ff00">He goes mental if</font>
<font color="#00ff00">they're drawn during the day.</font>

284
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,320
<font color="#00ff00">And he's always watching</font>
<font color="#00ff00">fishing shows.</font>

285
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,320
<font color="#00ff00">And he's into sexual role-play.</font>

286
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,240
<font color="#ffffff">Well, you certainly kept</font>
<font color="#ffffff">the best till last!</font>

287
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,320
<font color="#ffffff">What does he do for sexual role-play?</font>

288
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:16,640
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, shit - I didn't say that.</font>

289
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,720
<font color="#ffffff">Come on - role-play! I'm waiting.</font>

290
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,400
<font color="#00ff00">I promised I wouldn't tell. </font><font color="#ffffff">Go on.</font>

291
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,080
<font color="#00ff00">No, I can't. </font><font color="#ffffff">Go on!</font>
<font color="#ffffff">You know you want to.</font>

292
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,360
<font color="#00ff00">OK, I can't resist.</font>

293
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,880
<font color="#00ff00">Steve pretends to be you.</font>

294
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,200
<font color="#ffffff">What?</font>

295
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:36,040
<font color="#00ff00">Steve pretends to be you</font>
<font color="#00ff00">every time he has sex with Connie.</font>

296
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,960
<font color="#ffffff">I have this mixture</font>
<font color="#ffffff">of feeling flattered</font>

297
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,160
<font color="#ffffff">and like I want to die.</font>

298
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,240
<font color="#00ff00">Wait, wait - I've got something</font>
<font color="#00ff00">that WILL cheer you up.</font>

299
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,600
<font color="#00ff00">It's just a little present</font>
<font color="#00ff00">to say sorry</font>

300
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:54,480
<font color="#00ff00">for forgetting about the anniversary</font>
<font color="#00ff00">and everything.</font>

301
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,840
<font color="#ffffff">Oh, Lorn.</font>

302
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,040
<font color="#00ff00">It's Ozzy! </font><font color="#ffffff">Wow!</font>

303
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,200
<font color="#ffffff">Wow!</font>

304
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,360
<font color="#ffffff">No, I don't understand.</font>

305
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,720
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, you remember.</font>

306
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,360
<font color="#00ff00">That night, down by the canal.</font>
<font color="#00ff00">You know!</font>

307
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,240
<font color="#00ff00">And I was...doing my thing,</font>

308
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,000
<font color="#00ff00">and a guy walked past and saw us</font>

309
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,400
<font color="#00ff00">and he looked like Ozzy Osbourne,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">and we were like, "Ha ha ha!"</font>

310
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,480
<font color="#00ff00">It was the night</font>
<font color="#00ff00">the Berlin Wall fell.</font>

311
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,680
<font color="#00ff00">I remember because</font>
<font color="#00ff00">you were really pleased.</font>

312
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,320
<font color="#ffffff">The night the Berlin Wall fell?</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Yeah. When was it? '92, '93?</font>

313
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,320
<font color="#ffffff">'89.</font>

314
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,800
<font color="#00ff00">You silly!</font>
<font color="#00ff00">We hadn't even met in 1989.</font>

315
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,520
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, shit.</font>

316
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:39,760
<font color="#ffffff">Goodnight.</font>

317
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,120
<font color="#00ffff">Paul McCartney.</font>

318
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,320
<font color="#ffff00">Yes.</font>

319
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,400
<font color="#00ffff">Elvis Presley.</font>

320
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,560
<font color="#ffff00">Good. Who else?</font>

321
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:46,680
<font color="#00ffff">One Direction.</font>

322
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:47,960
<font color="#ffff00">Good, good.</font>

323
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,280
<font color="#00ffff">Michelle McManus.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Keep 'em coming.</font>

324
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,760
<font color="#ffffff">Cuckoo, what's going on?</font>

325
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,760
<font color="#ffff00">Connie's singing in front of the</font>
<font color="#ffff00">public for the first time tomorrow.</font>

326
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,680
<font color="#ffff00">By chanting the names of</font>
<font color="#ffff00">legends of pop music,</font>

327
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,960
<font color="#ffff00">she invokes their spirits</font>
<font color="#ffff00">and takes on their attributes.</font>

328
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,160
<font color="#00ffff">Robert Palmer.</font>

329
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,240
<font color="#00ffff">Shaggy.</font>

330
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,960
<font color="#ffff00">It's a technique I learned</font>
<font color="#ffff00">from a guru in Bhutan.</font>

331
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,080
<font color="#ffff00">I would spend all day chanting</font>
<font color="#ffff00">the names of enlightened thinkers</font>

332
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,640
<font color="#ffff00">whilst he cleaned the monastery.</font>

333
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,000
<font color="#00ffff">Shania Twain.</font>

334
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,840
<font color="#ffffff">You know you have got work tomorrow?</font>

335
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:19,240
<font color="#ffff00">This is my work, Rach.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Inspiring people! </font><font color="#00ffff">Dappy!</font>

336
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,120
<font color="#ffff00">You had to know selling potatoes</font>
<font color="#ffff00">wasn't going to be enough for me.</font>

337
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,680
<font color="#ffff00">Here, think of it this way.</font>

338
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,880
<font color="#ffff00">Without my teaching, I'm only this.</font>

339
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,440
<font color="#ffff00">But with it, I'm this.</font>

340
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,400
<font color="#ffff00">So much better!</font>

341
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,320
<font color="#ffff00">Sparkly potato of learning!</font>

342
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,680
<font color="#ffff00">Do you understand?</font>

343
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,960
<font color="#ffffff">Aw, baby!</font>

344
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,720
<font color="#00ffff">Mick Hucknall, Mick Hucknall,</font>
<font color="#00ffff">Mick Hucknall, Mick Hucknall.</font>

345
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,280
<font color="#ffff00">She's starting to believe.</font>

346
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,520
<font color="#ffff00">OK, Connie, this is the greatest</font>
<font color="#ffff00">challenge yet for your confidence.</font>

347
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,720
<font color="#ffff00">The Greeks call this a cappella,</font>

348
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,360
<font color="#ffff00">but I call it Mak-Shala music.</font>

349
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,640
<font color="#00ffff">What does that mean?</font>

350
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,040
<font color="#ffffff">HE WHISPERS: </font><font color="#ffff00">It doesn't mean</font>
<font color="#ffff00">anything.</font>

351
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,400
<font color="#ffff00">Now sing!</font>

352
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,840
<font color="#ffffff">HUMS "SEVEN NATION ARMY"</font>

353
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,400
<font color="#ffffff">CONNIE JOINS IN</font>

354
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,920
<font color="#ffff00">OK, listen up, everyone!</font>

355
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,960
<font color="#ffff00">This beautiful woman's name</font>
<font color="#ffff00">is Connie Chance,</font>

356
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,200
<font color="#ffff00">and she is here today to make it big</font>
<font color="#ffff00">in the music business.</font>

357
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,680
<font color="#ffff00">So, if by some awesome coincidence</font>

358
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,560
<font color="#ffff00">one of you happens</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to be a record executive...</font>

359
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:33,160
<font color="#ffff00">..will he or she please step up</font>
<font color="#ffff00">and make her dreams come true</font>

360
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,520
<font color="#ffff00">with a million-dollar</font>
<font color="#ffff00">record contract?</font>

361
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,760
<font color="#ffff00">Anyone at all.</font>

362
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,200
<font color="#00ffff"># Picture this</font>
<font color="#00ffff">We were both butt naked</font>

363
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,720
<font color="#00ffff"># Banging on the bathroom floor</font>

364
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,160
<font color="#00ffff"># How could I forget that...</font>

365
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,280
<font color="#ffff00">That's Shaggy!</font>

366
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,040
<font color="#ffff00">Any label, big or small...</font>

367
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,520
<font color="#00ffff"># You really got me now...</font>

368
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,160
<font color="#ffff00">Anybody from Motown in the house?</font>

369
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,880
<font color="#ffffff">THEY HUM "SEVEN NATION ARMY" WILDLY</font>

370
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,760
<font color="#ffff00">Just anyone with some</font>
<font color="#ffff00">music management experience,</font>

371
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,840
<font color="#ffff00">maybe some good industry contacts?</font>

372
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,760
<font color="#ffff00">Anyone here fit that description?</font>

373
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,880
<font color="#00ffff"># Ain't nobody loves me better...</font>

374
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,000
<font color="#ffff00">Very sexy.</font>

375
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,360
<font color="#00ffff"># Youuu...</font>

376
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,280
<font color="#ffff00">Jeez, what are the odds?</font>

377
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,560
<font color="#00ff00">Hey! Was that you singing?</font>

378
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:18,880
<font color="#00ff00">That was wonderful.</font>

379
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,280
<font color="#00ff00">I have a proposition. I would love</font>
<font color="#00ff00">you to come and sing in my club.</font>

380
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:24,800
<font color="#ffff00">We'll take it!</font>

381
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,360
<font color="#ffff00">Hey, Ken, it's Cuckoo and Connie.</font>

382
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,120
<font color="#ffff00">Connie wants to talk to you</font>
<font color="#ffff00">about something.</font>

383
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,000
<font color="#ffffff">Oh, God, no.</font>

384
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,440
<font color="#ffff00">Connie has something to say</font>
<font color="#ffff00">to you, Ken.</font>

385
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,280
<font color="#ffffff">HE WHISPERS: </font><font color="#ffff00">Be strong.</font>

386
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:04,240
<font color="#00ffff">You doubted me, Ken Thompson.</font>
<font color="#00ffff">But I have proved you wrong.</font>

387
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,680
<font color="#00ffff">Today I was offered my first gig</font>
<font color="#00ffff">at Alexandro's Pizza Palace,</font>

388
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,960
<font color="#00ffff">proving that Cuckoo was right</font>
<font color="#00ffff">and you were wrong,</font>

389
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,600
<font color="#00ffff">and that he's probably right</font>
<font color="#00ffff">about most other things too.</font>

390
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,600
<font color="#ffff00">She wrote that herself.</font>
<font color="#ffff00">That was beautiful, Connie.</font>

391
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,400
<font color="#ffff00">Well, I think we're done here.</font>

392
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,560
<font color="#ffffff">Have a good one, Ken.</font>

393
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:20,600
<font color="#ffffff">Connie?</font>

394
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,520
<font color="#00ffff">Ken.</font>

395
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:27,960
<font color="#ffffff">Connie - wow.</font>

396
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,720
<font color="#ffffff">The last few days</font>
<font color="#ffffff">have been wonderful.</font>

397
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:30,960
<font color="#ffffff">I've had such a blast.</font>

398
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,480
<font color="#00ffff">Oh, so have I!</font>
<font color="#00ffff">And I've learnt so much!</font>

399
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,960
<font color="#ffffff">Question is, Connie - what now?</font>

400
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:41,400
<font color="#ffffff">Now you've proven everyone wrong -</font>
<font color="#ffffff">me, Steve, all the haters.</font>

401
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,680
<font color="#ffffff">I can't help thinking</font>
<font color="#ffffff">about your family -</font>

402
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,240
<font color="#ffffff">they're all sitting at home,</font>
<font color="#ffffff">wondering what you're up to.</font>

403
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,760
<font color="#ffffff">Maybe now's the time to pop back</font>
<font color="#ffffff">and tell them what the deal is.</font>

404
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:55,840
<font color="#00ffff">Well - my first concert is</font>
<font color="#00ffff">at the pizza place on Saturday.</font>

405
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,240
<font color="#00ffff">Seems wrong to make</font>
<font color="#00ffff">any decisions just yet.</font>

406
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,040
<font color="#ffffff">No, it's the start</font>
<font color="#ffffff">of a glittering career.</font>

407
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:05,360
<font color="#ffffff">Fantastic. It's time</font>
<font color="#ffffff">to get on with life - move on.</font>

408
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:08,000
<font color="#00ffff">Yes. Maybe you're right.</font>

409
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,040
<font color="#00ffff">I thought it was just</font>
<font color="#00ffff">a tiff, but yes -</font>

410
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,760
<font color="#00ffff">maybe I should divorce Steve.</font>

411
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,120
<font color="#ffffff">What?</font>

412
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:17,840
<font color="#00ffff">What's the point pretending?</font>

413
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,840
<font color="#00ffff">I'm a brand new person.</font>

414
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,880
<font color="#00ffff">I need a sparkling new life</font>
<font color="#00ffff">to go with it. Thanks, Ken.</font>

415
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,040
<font color="#ffffff">No, but...w...</font>

416
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,280
<font color="#ffffff">Connie, wait...</font>

417
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,920
<font color="#00ffff">Lorna! Big news! ></font>

418
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,840
<font color="#00ffff">I've had a great chat with Ken ></font>
<font color="#00ffff">and I'm getting a divorce!</font>

419
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,040
<font color="#00ff00">Got your text.</font>

420
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,960
<font color="#00ff00">Guess you're pretty pleased</font>
<font color="#00ff00">with yourself, aren't you? </font><font color="#ffffff">What?!</font>

421
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,760
<font color="#00ff00">Oh, come on, Ken.</font>

422
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,560
<font color="#00ff00">We both know what's been going on</font>
<font color="#00ff00">these last 15 years.</font>

423
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,000
<font color="#00ff00">Who's got the cleverest kids?</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Who's got the nicest kitchen?</font>

424
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,600
<font color="#00ff00">It's only natural -</font>

425
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,080
<font color="#00ff00">can't have two Lion Kings</font>
<font color="#00ff00">on the Lichfield savannah.</font>

426
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:59,000
<font color="#ffffff">Steve, I can honestly say</font>
<font color="#ffffff">that I have never once...</font>

427
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,080
<font color="#00ff00">I was winning!</font>

428
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,160
<font color="#00ff00">Zeb snogged Rachel a few years back.</font>

429
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:05,720
<font color="#00ff00">I've got a nicer kitchen.</font>

430
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,840
<font color="#00ff00">But then this.</font>

431
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,480
<font color="#00ff00">This...</font>

432
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,000
<font color="#00ff00">Your hippie son-in-law</font>
<font color="#00ff00">stealing my wife from me!</font>

433
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,440
<font color="#00ff00">Christ. I never saw that coming.</font>

434
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,280
<font color="#00ff00">You've gone two goals up</font>
<font color="#00ff00">in Ken-and-Steve-ball.</font>

435
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,480
<font color="#00ff00">Two goals up.</font>

436
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,680
<font color="#ffffff">Steve, you and Connie</font>
<font color="#ffffff">have got to get back together.</font>

437
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,840
<font color="#ffffff">For the sake of your family</font>
<font color="#ffffff">and my sanity.</font>

438
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,520
<font color="#ffffff">You have to tell Connie</font>
<font color="#ffffff">you respect her singing.</font>

439
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:36,560
<font color="#00ff00">Never! You don't know</font>
<font color="#00ff00">what it's like.</font>

440
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,760
<font color="#00ff00">In the early stages of the marriage</font>
<font color="#00ff00">she sang in the kitchen.</font>

441
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,880
<font color="#00ff00">She sang in the shower.</font>

442
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,080
<font color="#00ff00">She was like a shit stereo</font>
<font color="#00ff00">giving me less and less intercourse.</font>

443
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,560
<font color="#00ff00">I miss her!</font>

444
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,400
<font color="#00ff00">I miss her so much.</font>

445
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,080
<font color="#00ff00">I miss her.</font>

446
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,200
<font color="#00ff00">Connie!</font>

447
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,240
<font color="#00ff00">Connie!</font>

448
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,560
<font color="#00ff00">CONNIE!</font>

449
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:12,040
<font color="#ffffff"># Well I know without a doubt</font>

450
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,120
<font color="#ffffff"># My heart...</font>

451
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:17,480
<font color="#ffff00">OK, Connie. Quick technique</font>
<font color="#ffff00">for nerves - when you're up there,</font>

452
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,880
<font color="#ffff00">direct your performance at</font>
<font color="#ffff00">one member of the audience</font>

453
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,960
<font color="#ffff00">and imagine them completely naked.</font>

454
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,560
<font color="#ffff00">Just anyone at all.</font>

455
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,360
<font color="#ffff00">Maybe Ken, for example.</font>

456
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,800
<font color="#ffffff">Will do. </font><font color="#ffff00">OK.</font>

457
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:33,160
<font color="#ffffff">Hello!</font>

458
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,760
<font color="#ffffff">I'm just going to go</font>
<font color="#ffffff">and use the facilities.</font>

459
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,040
<font color="#ffffff"># We'll kiss just as before...</font>

460
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,200
<font color="#ffffff">OK, I've spoken to Alexandro.</font>

461
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,000
<font color="#ffffff">As soon as this song's finished,</font>

462
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,400
<font color="#ffffff">you go up, introduce Connie -</font>

463
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,080
<font color="#ffffff">say something complimentary,</font>
<font color="#ffffff">all wounds are healed.</font>

464
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:55,240
<font color="#ffffff">Sorted.</font>

465
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,680
<font color="#00ff00">Look, Ken, I know we've</font>
<font color="#00ff00">had our differences in the past,</font>

466
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,480
<font color="#00ff00">but this whole thing</font>
<font color="#00ff00">has made me realise</font>

467
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,160
<font color="#00ff00">what a great best friend</font>
<font color="#00ff00">you are. </font><font color="#ffffff">No! </font><font color="#00ff00">Yes!</font>

468
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,120
<font color="#00ff00">And when I get my woman back,</font>

469
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:08,440
<font color="#00ff00">we are going on</font>
<font color="#00ff00">a safari holiday together.</font>

470
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,200
<font color="#ffffff">One step at a time, eh, Steve?</font>

471
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,640
<font color="#ffff00">Not bad, not bad.</font>

472
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,440
<font color="#00ff00">Hello, ladies and gentleman!</font>
<font color="#ffff00">Steve!</font>

473
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,640
<font color="#00ff00">It's a wonderful warm evening</font>
<font color="#00ff00">out there, and I want you to welcome</font>

474
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,760
<font color="#00ff00">a wonderful, hot lady</font>
<font color="#00ff00">to the stage - Connie Chance!</font>

475
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,520
<font color="#00ffff">What's Steve doing here?</font>

476
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,680
<font color="#00ff00">Connie, I just want to say</font>

477
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,120
<font color="#00ff00">in front of all these good</font>
<font color="#00ff00">people here this evening,</font>

478
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,000
<font color="#00ff00">you have a wonderful voice -</font>

479
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,000
<font color="#00ff00">and I was wrong in finding it</font>

480
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,280
<font color="#00ff00">grating and grinding and horrible.</font>

481
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:56,520
<font color="#00ff00">Ladies and gentlemen,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">Lichfield's answer to Susan Boyle -</font>

482
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,000
<font color="#00ff00">Connie Chance!</font>

483
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,960
<font color="#00ffff">This one's for all the lovers</font>
<font color="#00ffff">in the audience tonight.</font>

484
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,120
<font color="#00ffff"># A dying flame</font>

485
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,440
<font color="#00ffff"># You're free again</font>

486
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,240
<font color="#ffffff">THEY MOUTH</font>

487
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,320
<font color="#00ffff"># Who could love...? #</font>

488
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,680
<font color="#00ff00">Guess who told her to sing this one?</font>

489
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,200
<font color="#ffffff">You?</font>

490
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,120
<font color="#00ff00">It's our song, Ken.</font>

491
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:32,880
<font color="#00ffff"># All dressed in black... #</font>

492
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,840
<font color="#00ff00">You remember? That long,</font>
<font color="#00ff00">hot summer of '87.</font>

493
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,160
<font color="#ffffff">Unbelievable!</font>

494
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,320
<font color="#00ffff"># Fool if you think it's over</font>

495
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,400
<font color="#00ffff"># Cos you said goodbye</font>

496
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:50,320
<font color="#00ffff"># Fool if you think it's over... #</font>

497
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:52,880
<font color="#ffff00">I did it!</font>

498
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,280
<font color="#ffff00">It worked!</font>

499
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:57,080
<font color="#00ff00">Everything turned out just as we'd</font>
<font color="#00ff00">hoped. I love a happy ending.</font>

500
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,120
<font color="#ffffff">And now, if I may - a duet?</font>

501
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,160
<font color="#ffffff">Do you know "Relight My Fire"</font>
<font color="#ffffff">by Take That?</font>

502
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,680
<font color="#00ffff">I love Take That!</font>

503
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,840
<font color="#ffff00">Here we go, Connie. Dig deep!</font>

504
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,800
<font color="#00ff00">Go on, Connie!</font>

505
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:23,160
<font color="#ffffff"># Help me escape this</font>
<font color="#ffffff">feeling of insecurity</font>

506
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,040
<font color="#ffffff"># A-ha</font>

507
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,680
<font color="#00ffff"># I need you so much but I don't</font>
<font color="#00ffff">think you really need me</font>

508
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,760
<font color="#00ffff"># A-ha</font>

509
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,840
<font color="#ffffff"># But I must say</font>
<font color="#ffffff">I only dream of you</font>

510
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,480
<font color="#00ffff"># But like a thief in the night</font>

511
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:43,560
<font color="#00ffff"># You took away</font>
<font color="#00ffff">the love that I knew</font>

512
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,760
<font color="#00ff00">Go, Connie! Go, girl!</font>

513
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,680
<font color="#ffffff">(BOTH) # Relight my fire</font>

514
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,560
<font color="#ffffff"># Your love is my only desire</font>

515
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:54,760
<font color="#ffffff"># Relight my fire</font>

516
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,680
<font color="#00ff00">Yeah! (This is great!)</font>

517
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,320
<font color="#00ff00">Connie, you're the best!</font>

518
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,680
<font color="#ffffff"># ..nee-ee-eed your love. #</font>

519
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,320
<font color="#00ff00">Fucking hell.</font>

520
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,840
<font color="#ffff00">OK...is it just me,</font>

521
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,800
<font color="#ffff00">or does anybody else</font>
<font color="#ffff00">have goose bumps right now?</font>

522
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,880
<font color="#ffffff">Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd</font>