1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:04,200 New Thai place just opened. Do you want to try it? 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,920 On a Thursday, Rach? iPlayer and pizza night? 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:10,920 Sort of a THING. But they've got coconut tempura shrimp. 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,120 Mm... Shrimps spell danger. 5 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,480 They might not have taken the little black bit out. 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,720 How about chicken pandang? 7 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,200 You like chicken. 8 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,920 I do, but define pandang? 9 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,600 Something you haven't tried before. 10 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,640 Aren't you even curious? 11 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,040 Are you all right, Rach? 12 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,880 Yes, I just wish you'd be a bit more spontaneous sometimes. 13 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,000 OK. 14 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,160 We'll have the Thai. 15 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,720 Hey, Mom. 16 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,280 Cool, er, what do you want? 17 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,400 Ooh, great, they do a burger. 18 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,840 This programme contains some strong language 19 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,440 and some scenes of a sexual nature. 20 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,720 Oi, relax. 21 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,680 You're a bloody shoo-in... Do you think? 22 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,720 ..as long as Charles is in a good mood. 23 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,920 SHOUTS: Yah! 24 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,720 Yah, it's happened again! 25 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,840 No more medium-tipped gel pens! 26 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,920 What in hell's piss is going on, eh? 27 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,120 Who's doing this? Who is doing this? 28 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,520 Ah, hello, Ken. 29 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,640 Morning, Charles. 30 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,280 Is it really that difficult 31 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,960 to provide me with the requisite fibre tips?! 32 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,480 Bloody Nora! 33 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,400 Oh, go on, Ken, in you go, in you go. 34 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,840 Well, as you know, this will be my final year as senior partner. 35 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,800 Oh, but, Charles, you're still so young and dynamic. 36 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,160 No, no, no, Ken. Time to give somebody else a chance. 37 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:45,600 Now, as outgoing senior partner, I'm expected to nominate my successor. 38 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,880 Is that how it works? I can't say I've ever thought about it. 39 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,200 Of course not, Ken. 40 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,200 But, that being said, you are the obvious choice. Oh! 41 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,040 A good lawyer, never going to set the world alight, of course, 42 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:59,240 but, er, a relatively safe pair of hands. Ah. 43 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,160 So, what do you say. Do you accept my nomination? 44 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,880 Charles, I would be honoured. Excellent. 45 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,000 So it will either be you or Jane. 46 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,720 Jane? 47 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,440 Jane's only been partner for a year. 48 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,160 She's very talented. Very popular. 49 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,480 Besides, you're the one that's always banging on to me 50 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,720 about diversity in the workplace. 51 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,960 Female black senior partner. 52 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,800 Could be a clever move. 53 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,040 Right, but, also remember, 54 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,280 diversity at the top can cause complacency. 55 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,280 So, somewhat counter-intuitively, 56 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:37,480 often the best diversity candidate is a white middle aged man. 57 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,320 Well, I hear you, 58 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:43,160 but you know what this office needs is the modern thrust. 59 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,560 There are far too many people of our generation at the top 60 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,040 who don't know our hard drives from our floppy discs. 61 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,600 You say our generation. 62 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,040 I am, of course, 25 years younger than you. 63 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:58,680 Come on, Ken, we're just a couple of old dinosaurs. No shame in it. 64 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,120 I'm very modern. 65 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,280 I'm on Twitter. 66 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,000 I follow Holly Willoughby. 67 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,000 Hello, Ken. Looks like I'm in after you. 68 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,400 Ah, Jane, hope you have a really super meeting. 69 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,920 This is my last chance to make senior partner. 70 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,600 If he nominates Jane, she'll be there till I retire. 71 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,120 Is this senior partner chief at your work, Ken? 72 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,760 That's right. 73 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,480 Good boy. I don't know if this applies 74 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,040 but when Vashradi fought to leave our ashram, he challenged 75 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,480 his opponent to swallow hot coals to prove his divinity. 76 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,200 The opponent died. 77 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,080 Wow, and Vashradi survived? 78 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,880 He would have but the other guy was dead and it was getting late. 79 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,040 When you think about it, I'm the obvious choice. 80 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,920 I know the company inside out. I know who the dead wood is. 81 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,440 I know who needs to be moved up. 82 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,600 I would move heaven and earth for you, Ken. 83 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,480 I just need to convince Charles that I'm the best candidate. 84 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,600 Do you know, he actually accused me of not being modern! 85 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,800 Well, you're not, are you? Go on, you're terrible with computers. 86 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:07,960 How dare you? 87 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,920 You use Yahoo to search for Google. 88 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,600 I'm on Twitter. I've got ten followers now. 89 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,920 Yeah, Mum and everyone in the office. 90 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,400 Well, what about this video that I forwarded everyone? 91 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,480 Oh, that's old. To be honest, Ken, even I saw that about two years ago. 92 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,800 Wait, ssh, ssh, ssh! 93 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,680 Ah! 94 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:32,680 HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY 95 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,560 You see. 96 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,720 Not everyone's seen it. 97 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,400 That was great, Ken. So worth the price. 98 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,720 The price? 99 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,080 Oh! Oh, God! 100 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,000 Oh, my God! Stop, Dale! 101 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,480 Stop it! 102 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,160 I can't, I got 15 more. What are you doing? 103 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,400 Ashram rules, 30 lashes for each minute of internet. 104 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,920 OK, Dale, we do not have that rule in this house. 105 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,000 You can watch as much internet as you like. 106 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,480 And it won't corrupt my soul? 107 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,400 Well, just don't look at Dylan's search history. 108 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,680 That's a good point. That's true. 109 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,080 Oh, you liked that one, didn't you? Yeah. Drunk babies are funny. 110 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,800 Then you can share it with your friends. 111 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,800 What is that? It's Instant Messenger. 112 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,760 You type in here and it comes to me. 113 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,480 H-h-how do I do that? OK. 114 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,600 Er, so you paste the link. 115 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,960 And click send. 116 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,200 And it goes straight to you? 117 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,600 Yeah, it's like a direct line. 118 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,680 Oh, after you're done with that, show him LinkedIn. 119 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,880 Dad, you like looking at books don't you. I call it reading, Dylan. 120 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,960 Fancy buying these book tokens off me? £100? 121 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,200 Why have you got £100 worth of book tokens? 122 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,760 I won them in a poetry competition. Dylie! 123 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,040 YOU won a poetry competition? 124 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,880 Yeah, well they said the first prize was £100 so I thought I'd enter. 125 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,760 Only took two minutes, was a piece of piss. 126 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,440 For you maybe, my talented little Dyl-Dyl. 127 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,000 Sorry, YOU won a poetry competition? 128 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,320 Yes, only it turned out the prize was actually £100 in book tokens. 129 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,080 Money you can only spend on books. 130 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,600 It's like having a glass you can only fill with... 131 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,040 shit. 132 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,800 Prize-winning imagery. Such a gift for language(!) 133 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,120 Well, my clever boy. 134 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,520 Come on, Dylan, let's hear the poem. 135 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,320 Get lost. It's bad enough I have to read it at the recital. 136 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,000 There's a recital? All right, don't wet yourself. 137 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,360 My son, a poet. 138 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,040 That's probably from me. 139 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,760 You know, when your dad and I first got together, 140 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,360 I used to write him sexy little poems 141 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,760 and leave them in his briefcase for when he got to work. 142 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:52,960 I remember one of them went... 143 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,400 DOOR SLAMS 144 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,080 SHE CHUCKLES 145 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,480 PHONE BUZZES 146 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,960 You saucy minx! 147 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,160 So I spent all day yesterday 148 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,240 thinking of ways to be more spontaneous 149 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,080 and I was going to tell you tonight but, in the spirit of things, 150 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,400 I thought, sod it, I'll tell you now. 151 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,400 What are you doing a week Saturday 152 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,480 next year? 153 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,760 I've no idea. 154 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:11,040 Well, you do now, because I just bought us two tickets 155 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,320 to the Ideal Home Show! 156 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,760 Not good? 157 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,360 Yeah, that's lovely, erm, 158 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,640 I suppose I was hoping for something a bit more... 159 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,680 wild. 160 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,960 Against the wall! Yeah. 161 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,880 Sorry, I should just... No, leave them! 162 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,080 No, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. 163 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,760 Is there something you can sit on? I thought you joined the gym. 164 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:41,400 I did but I never have to lift anything as heavy as you. 165 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,920 Let's just go on the floor. 166 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,000 Ow! Oh, sorry. Sorry. 167 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,280 Swap round. Yeah, OK. 168 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,200 Oi, is that a new mole? 169 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,240 Ben, please, just focus. 170 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,360 Yeah, sorry, it's just the edges look a bit frayed 171 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,800 and they say the sooner you get it looked at the better. 172 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,560 I think it can wait two minutes. Two minutes? Well... 173 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,440 DOOR OPENS 174 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,120 HE GASPS 175 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,720 Someone there? Now? 176 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,760 HE ORGASMS 177 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:50,360 THEY LAUGH 178 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,280 Jane? 179 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,480 Ken. I didn't see you there. 180 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,440 Erm, my husband's running his practice from home nowadays. 181 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,200 He asked me to help towards the stationery. Right. 182 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,240 That is a lot of stuff. 183 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,520 Perks of partnership, eh? 184 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,800 Yeah. Yeah, why not? 185 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,880 You go for it. 186 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,560 Ben. 187 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,200 Ken. Mate. What's up? 188 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,480 I wanted your advice on a delicate matter. 189 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,760 Shoot. 190 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,960 I think I may have found a way of shoring up the senior partnership 191 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,680 but it's, er, not exactly ethical. 192 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,080 Are we talking something dangerous here? Not really. 193 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,480 It's more sort of petty and underhand and not worthy of a real man. 194 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,520 You know what a real man does, Ken? 195 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,640 He takes what he wants. 196 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,760 Because fortune favours the brave. 197 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,000 Carpe Diem. 198 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,120 All right, I'll do it. Thanks, mate. 199 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,640 No problem. Smell you later. 200 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:07,720 Prick. 201 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,000 Enter. 202 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,800 Oh, Ken. Hi, Charles. 203 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,000 Erm, I've managed to lay my hands on some CCTV footage 204 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,600 from the stationery cupboard. 205 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,440 Righto. What sort of CCTV footage? 206 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,240 Is it urgent? I've got lots of things on, you know. 207 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:29,160 Not urgent, no. Let's just say you'll find it very, very interesting. 208 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,480 Right. Why? 209 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:36,640 Let's just say it'll change the way you see things around this office. 210 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,520 Let me know what you think. 211 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,920 Lorna, you kinky madam! 212 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,600 HE CHORTLES 213 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:56,920 By the way I, erm, I'm liking your messages, Little Miss Naughty. 214 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,560 I'm liking yours, Mister...Tall Naughty. 215 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:05,440 APPLAUSE 216 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:15,720 I've got to say I've really loved judging this competition. 217 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,560 Never really been one for poetry, 218 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:22,240 but reading these pieces by your children, I've started to think, 219 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:26,200 "Hey, it's not all about fancy-pants clever-clogses 220 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,960 "rhyming 'you' with 'blue'." 221 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:34,600 It's...it's young people pouring their fucking hearts out. 222 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:39,200 So, without further adoage, let's put the emotion in motion. 223 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,720 Great. 224 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,640 APPLAUSE 225 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:52,520 My poem is called Insignificant Progenitor. Progenitor means father. 226 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,600 'Insignificant progenitor. 227 00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:01,040 'Foolish balding man, short dolt, 228 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,960 'Mephitic midget 229 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,280 'Why do you cling to the dark in your limited mindset 230 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,800 'Like a toad who makes its home in shit?' 231 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,640 Brilliant. That's my daughter. 232 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,680 APPLAUSE 233 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,640 Wow, right? 234 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:26,680 OK, guys, now you are in for a tasty, wordy, rhyme-tastic treat. 235 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,000 Dylan Thompson, first prize. 236 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,760 APPLAUSE 237 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,560 Well done, Dylan. 238 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,280 Thank you. 239 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,840 "I'll be there" by Dylan Thompson. 240 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,560 Dylan Thompson. Even sounds like a poet. Just wait and see. 241 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:51,280 'You're still in bed at ten, and work began at eight. 242 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:55,240 'You've burned your breakfast, so far things are going great. 243 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:58,680 'Your mother warned you there'd be days like these 244 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,440 'But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you 245 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:06,000 'down to your knees and I'll be there for you 246 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,040 'when the rain starts to pour. 247 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,360 'I'll be there for you like I've been there before 248 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,360 'I'll be there for you cos you're there for me too.' 249 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,760 This is first prize? 250 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,200 OK, guys, you know, this poem may not be your bag but, 251 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,080 just give the kid a chance, right? Yeah. 252 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:28,120 It's not a poem. It's the theme tune from Friends. 253 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,360 What? 254 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,440 # I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. # 255 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,000 It is the theme tune from Friends. I know. 256 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,960 I knew it sounded familiar. 257 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,680 It's a qualified English teacher. Reassuring? 258 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,360 Well, shall I finish it or what? 259 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,960 I think maybe just get off the stage. 260 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,960 Look, I wrote this, all right. 261 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,960 You can't prove that I didn't. 262 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,480 SCATTERED APPLAUSE 263 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,040 Great, so in one night, I've lost £100 worth of book tokens 264 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,880 and all pride in my family. 265 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,680 Dylan, I'm going to need that money back. Sold as seen, mate. 266 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,800 Dylan, hand it over. Dylan! 267 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,560 Hey, you guys never said you made an internet video. Internet video? 268 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,120 Yeah, but I didn't really get it, though. It was super grainy. 269 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,080 What were you guys doing? Planking? 270 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,640 What are you talking about? 271 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,600 And what was with that weird balloon animal? A balloon animal? 272 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,760 Yeah, you held it up at the end but it was deflated and then you 273 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,440 rolled it up in tissue paper and hid it behind the filing cabinet. 274 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,680 Dale, wh-where did you see this video? Ken's e-mail. 275 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:40,280 Dad, was there a video in your e-mail today with me and Ben in it? No. 276 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:46,320 The only video on my e-mail is CCTV footage of Jane stealing stationery. 277 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,720 There's CCTV in the stationery cupboard? 278 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,800 Yeah, I've sent it to Charles. 279 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,960 Oh, God! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 280 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,000 Dad, I think you sent a video to Charles of me and Ben having sex. 281 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,040 No. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. 282 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,240 When Jane came in to the stationery cupboard today, 283 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,720 me and Ben, we were... 284 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,160 We were... 285 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,080 HE ROARS 286 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,720 Dad! What were you thinking? What was I thinking? Yeah. 287 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,320 Maybe it would've been a good idea to check the footage first. 288 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,360 It would've been a good idea not to have sex in the stationery cupboard. 289 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,480 We were just trying to be more spontaneous. 290 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,480 Oh, God, this is the problem with spontaneity, it's unpredictable. 291 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,440 Man created routines for a reason. 292 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,040 To separate us from the chaos of nature. 293 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,840 I don't want to live like a chimpanzee, Rachel. 294 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,000 Well, I don't want the whole office to see me naked. 295 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000 These things, they always get forwarded round. 296 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,360 God, everyone's going to be laughing at me! OK. 297 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,960 I'm going to ring Charles. Maybe he hasn't read the e-mail yet. 298 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,000 He did say he was busy. 299 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,880 Charles, it's Ken. Yeah. 300 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,800 Listen have you, erm, managed to read that e-mail from earlier yet? 301 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,160 You haven't? 302 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,560 Your laptop's at work. 303 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,920 Fantastic. Great. 304 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,280 Er, listen, I'd really appreciate it if you could delete that e-mail. 305 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,960 What's on it? 306 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,160 It's very sensitive, private and personal, 307 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,720 I've made an embarrassing mistake. 308 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:20,040 I would really appreciate it, as a friend, if you would delete that. 309 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,680 Yeah. Completely. 310 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,800 Thank you. 311 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,520 Don't open it. 312 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,560 Thank you. 313 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,040 Well, he's definitely going to watch it now. 314 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,480 No, he said he'd delete it. 315 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,240 'Sensitive, private and personal, An embarrassing mistake?' 316 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,720 Could you have made it sound any more juicy 317 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,960 Oh, she's right, Dad. Oh, God. 318 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,480 But his laptop's in his office? 319 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,600 I am NOT hacking my boss's computer. 320 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,200 I'm up for senior partner. 321 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,760 All right, so you'd rather he saw your daughter having sex? 322 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,720 OK, so we break in, find the video, delete it 323 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,200 and it's off to Friday's for a victory battered sausage. 324 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,760 Quicker the better. The window's open, Chief Ken. 325 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,720 I'll bust in and then come down and let you guys through the front door. 326 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,080 Oh, no, there's no need to... 327 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,680 Relax, I've seen a ton of parkour videos today. I got this. 328 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,840 No, but Dale... 329 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,880 ..I have my key card. 330 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,800 Aargh. 331 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,120 Oh... 332 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,960 Oh, boy. 333 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,200 Dale, do you need to go home? No, no, no. I'm A-OK. 334 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,640 It only hurts when I breathe. 335 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,760 Are there security cameras in here too? 336 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,160 What if they check the tapes? 337 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,120 What if they find out that we've broken in? 338 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:51,240 No-one is breaking in. We're just working late. 339 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,920 Solid. So what are we looking for? A laptop. 340 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,600 There! 341 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,760 Huah! Huah! Huah! Huah! 342 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,760 Not that laptop. 343 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,680 You need to calm down. 344 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,640 Not an option, Ken. 345 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,120 Rachel's dignity is at stake 346 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,640 and I will not rest until I complete my quest. OK. 347 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,720 That's good because I've got a very important job for you. 348 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,240 I want you to stay here and watch the door. 349 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,600 You stay here and watch Dale. OK. 350 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,880 SCREAMS 351 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,520 Jesus, Ken! 352 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,560 What are you doing here? I just came back to collect some things. 353 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,080 This is my office. 354 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,320 Yes, I... 355 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,320 heard your computer 356 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,160 and I came in to give you a shock, you know, for a joke. 357 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,520 And I did. All according to plan. 358 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,920 What are you doing back there, Charles? 359 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,280 I told you, didn't I? 360 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:12,640 I left my laptop here and came back to collect it. 361 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,760 Some very important things that I have to look at. 362 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,760 What kind of things? 363 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,720 Private things. 364 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,360 Oh, this is disgusting! 365 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,040 Oh, yes, Ken. 366 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,440 I'm so ashamed. 367 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,240 Oh, Charles. I thought a bit more of you than this. 368 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,480 I'm a sick man, Ken. Yeah. 369 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,840 I don't suppose there's any way that we could keep this 370 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,400 just between the two of us, could we? What? 371 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,000 I could announce you as senior partner tomorrow. 372 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,080 Yeah. 373 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,640 OK. 374 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,200 But you'll delete the e-mail, yes? 375 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,360 Well, yes, if you want me to. 376 00:20:56,360 --> 00:21:00,280 Yes, I want you to. Oh, fine. 377 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,400 There you are, all gone. 378 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,200 Poof! Right. 379 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,560 Bye. Bye. 380 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,840 Oh, Charles. 381 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,840 Senior partner. I'm so proud. 382 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,320 Thanks, love. Bit of an unorthodox rise to power but, 383 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,120 guess that's just how business is done at the sharp end. Absolutely. 384 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,080 You can't expect to rise to the top without some collateral damage. 385 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,720 In this case, Charles using our daughter as a masturbation aid. 386 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,800 Cheers. Cheers. 387 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,400 Congratulations, Ken. 388 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,280 Congratulations, Ken. Thank you. 389 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,040 Hey, Ken, all set for the big announcement? Yes, very much so. 390 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,200 SHE TITTERS 391 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,960 What? Nothing. Sorry. 392 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,200 Absolutely nothing. 393 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,680 Everywhere we go this morning, people seem to be laughing. 394 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,400 Congratulations. Just ignore it. 395 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,760 You did delete that e-mail, didn't you? Of course I deleted it. 396 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,480 There's no chance anyone's seen it. 397 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,560 Relax, Rachel, your dad's getting promoted 398 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,480 and we're all going to reap the benefits. 399 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,560 Exactly, and there is no other way of looking at it. 400 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,360 Boardroom, everyone. Boardroom. 401 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,480 Something to announce. 402 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:42,880 Er, well now it's my honour to introduce the new senior partner. 403 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,920 He's the right man for the job. 404 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,040 He's a good lawyer, 405 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,400 a family man with an enviable sense of discretion. 406 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,000 STIFLED LAUGHTER 407 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,360 Please give a warm welcome to Ken Thompson. 408 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,240 APPLAUSE 409 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,880 Thank you. 410 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,920 Thank you, Charles. Well, I'd like to welcome you all. 411 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:04,800 I know that the hours this year have been long and hard. 412 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,360 STIFLED LAUGHTER 413 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:11,000 I know you've really thrown yourselves into it 414 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,520 so that our clients' needs are satisfied. 415 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,160 TITTERING 416 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,360 OK, you've seen it. 417 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:22,240 Come on. Who's seen it? 418 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,320 Pretty much all of you. 419 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,960 Well, as senior partner, I have something I'd like to say. 420 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,880 You should all be ashamed of yourselves. 421 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,320 Don't all look at each other innocently. 422 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,680 It's just a big joke to you, isn't it? 423 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,280 It's just a young girl's feelings. 424 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,240 A father's sense of pride. 425 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,960 Go on, laugh it up! Ken. 426 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:56,000 Don't you "Ken" me. I'm senior partner now, Charles, 427 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,560 and I'm not going to let you get away with it. 428 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,720 I'm meant to say a few words about you, aren't I? 429 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,920 OK, here they are. You're a filthy old pervert. 430 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,080 GASPS 431 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,840 OK, fair dos, 432 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,280 so I accidentally sent you a video of my daughter having sex with Ben. 433 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,640 GASPS 434 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,000 It was her idea. 435 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,280 But really, Charles, 436 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,800 masturbating over it at work like some old tramp in an alley 437 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,920 and then spreading it around the office 438 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,600 despite assuring me you'd deleted it. 439 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:25,360 Expecting me to be so thankful that you'd nominated me, 440 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:29,480 that I would breeze on by without even mentioning it. 441 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,920 Well, I'm sorry, Charles, you picked the wrong patsy. 442 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,760 Ken. Don't try and deny it. 443 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,400 But, Ken, I... It is MY turn now! 444 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:37,920 Pete's sake, Ken, stop! 445 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,520 I think everyone's laughing about your tweets 446 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,840 with your wife. 447 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,000 The saucy ones? 448 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,920 No-one knows anything about this video stuff. 449 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,800 What? They were private messages. 450 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,720 I used the e-mail sign, that little Miss Lorna. 451 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,960 That's not how it works, Ken. 452 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,080 They were public messages. 453 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,800 I see. 454 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,200 And you've all seen them? 455 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,280 I think you owe Charles an apology. 456 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,720 Well, no, because I walked in on Charles in his office 457 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,400 with his trousers down and... 458 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,120 I thought we had an agreement, Ken. 459 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,080 Oh, very well. 460 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,160 I hadn't planned to let news out this way but, however... 461 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,320 It appears that I have developed Parkinson's Disease. 462 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,840 Last night Ken barged into my office 463 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:29,400 as I was cleaning up after a little accident. 464 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:33,160 Appears that incontinence is part of the disease. 465 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:38,760 And that is one of the reasons why I'm retiring from the firm. 466 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,640 In order to fight it. 467 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,840 Charles Miller there. 468 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,440 Retiring with dignity and honour. 469 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,680 And that is all from me. 470 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,280 Thank you. 471 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,280 Three cheers for the new senior partner. Hip hip. 472 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:07,760 MUTED: Hooray. 473 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:11,560 Hip hip. MUTED: Hooray. 474 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,080 Erm... 475 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:54,280 OK, you sure you want to do this? Yes, I've been practising. OK. 476 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,840 I'm Dale Savarsna and no object gets in the way of parkour. 477 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,720 Whoa! 478 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,960 Dale, are you OK? 479 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:17,200 Yeah, all good. It was just a tractor in that thing.