1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,200 This programme contains strong language 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,400 It was supposed to be a small thing. Why did you have to invite so many people? 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:11,640 You agreed to a party, Ken. Parties require people. No. I agreed to a gathering. 4 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,400 Have it on a Sunday. Cut-off time, 5pm. 5 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,200 Leave the evening free to watch Coast. 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,680 Don't be such a grinch. 7 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,080 How often do you get to have a baby naming day? 8 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:22,640 Well, as it's a completely made up ceremony, I'd say... 9 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,560 well, whenever you want. DOOR OPENS 10 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,600 All right, Dale. You've been gone hours. 11 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,480 Yeah, just got a lot on my mind. 12 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,840 Worrying about Ling. 13 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,680 If she'll ever be in touch again. 14 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,040 I just...I started running. 15 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,400 Before I knew it, I was in a place called Wolverhampton. 16 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,800 The jewel of the Midlands. 17 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,440 Oh, poor Dale! 18 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,680 Anyway, booze, got. 19 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,480 Snacks, got. 20 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,440 All we need now is to decide 21 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,560 who's going to conduct the baby naming ceremony. 22 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,160 Oh, Chief Ken, Chief Ken, Chief Ken? 23 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:49,720 Something you want to say, Dale? 24 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,240 Please let me do this for Sid. 25 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,760 He is the best darn baby uncle I have ever had 26 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,600 and I would cherish the chance to repay him. 27 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:57,880 I don't know. 28 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,200 A lot is expected of the guy 29 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,520 who does ye olde atheist baby naming ceremony. 30 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,240 PHONE CHIMES Oh, what? 31 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,480 Zoe's coming to the party 32 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,480 and she's bringing her new boyfriend from uni. 33 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,800 Ooh, bit awks. 34 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,760 Oh, she's playing mind games, the bitch. 35 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,520 Well, if that's what she wants, then this player's going to play. 36 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:13,760 Oh, God. 37 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,600 Play, play, play. 38 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:16,880 Course you can do it, Dale. 39 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,560 Ha-ha! Yes! 40 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,480 I don't know what it is, but I'm getting started right now! 41 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,080 HORN BEEPS OUTSIDE 42 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:26,440 I know that car horn. 43 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,000 HORN BEEPS 44 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,560 Lorna... 45 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:43,000 could you tell me why my dad's 1976 Triumph Stag is on the driveway? 46 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,880 Ken, I might have forgotten to mention... 47 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,520 I sent an invite to your mum for Sunday. 48 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:48,680 Interesting, 49 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,280 because I did expressly ask you not to. 50 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:52,760 Ken, I didn't think she'd come. 51 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,280 Cooee! SHE LAUGHS 52 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,320 Oh, Lorna! 53 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,760 Belinda. 54 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,640 You look lovely. You, too. 55 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,960 Kenneth. 56 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,600 I see you drove Dad's car all the way from Spain. 57 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,040 Well, not all the way. 58 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,920 I had to have a tow through the Pyrenees 59 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,200 after I blew the oil pump. 60 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,240 You did what? 61 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,960 I'm joking, Ken. Oh, God! 62 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,320 He's always been so easy to wind up. 63 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,240 And cars are made to be driven. 64 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,160 Not this one. It is a classic. 65 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,680 It belongs under a nonstatic tarp, 66 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,480 only to be viewed by a select group of men, 67 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,240 who have equal reverence for its beauty. 68 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,600 Yes, well... 69 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,280 I asked Alan and... 70 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,320 he says he wants me to drive it. 71 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,720 Well, as long as Dad's ghost thinks it's OK. 72 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,160 Thanks for asking him, by the way. 73 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,880 It always makes things so much clearer. 74 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,240 Right. 75 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,680 Now, where are my gorgeous grandchildren? 76 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:44,720 SHE LAUGHS 77 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:48,720 Cooee! 78 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,720 Oh! Nan! 79 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:51,960 Oh, hello. 80 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,680 Oh, you look amazing! You, too. Listen... 81 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,560 I meant to send you a card when you got married to that American chap, 82 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,760 but, you know... 83 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,840 Also, I meant to send you a consolation card 84 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,200 when he fell off that mountain, 85 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,040 but it slipped my mind. 86 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,000 Oh! Shouldn't have said slipped. 87 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,200 Well, the important thing is you're here now, so... 88 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,400 Chief Ken? Is this the family matriarch? 89 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,480 Yes. 90 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,160 Mum, this is Dale. He's our...nanny. 91 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,120 Dale, this is my mother, Belinda. 92 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,520 Oh, Belinda. 93 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,280 Behold. 94 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,600 Your step great-grandson. 95 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,840 Oh, what lovely manners. Hello, Dale. 96 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,600 And this must be... 97 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,200 Oh, yes. The big guy. BELINDA GASPS 98 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,520 Oh! 99 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,000 What a lovely fat baby! 100 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,160 SHE LAUGHS Someone won't need a paternity test! 101 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,080 Well, if he's anything like Ken, it'll all fall off aged two. 102 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,240 And come flooding back age 16. 103 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:44,560 What are you calling him? 104 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:45,600 Sid. 105 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,200 Oh, no. Bleurgh. 106 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,800 Sid isn't a name. It's a noise. 107 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,840 You should call him... 108 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:52,960 Horatio. 109 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,200 Oh, it's a perfect name for a fire sign! 110 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,480 Lorna, speak to me. Horatio, does it suit? 111 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,840 Well, actually... We are calling him Sid. 112 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,120 Well, I shall call him Horatio. 113 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,080 You can insist on being perverse, 114 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,960 but there's no reason for your mum to rise to it. 115 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,280 SHE GASPS Horatio. Horatio. 116 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,920 Horatio... 117 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,120 There we go. 118 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,560 Nice strong brew for you, Belinda. 119 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,400 BELINDA GASPS Thanks. Kenneth? 120 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,560 Go on. 121 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,840 So... 122 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,760 Mum... 123 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,920 we should probably talk about the car, while it's on my driveway. 124 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,440 You do remember Dad left it to me? 125 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,080 Your dad said a lot of things towards the end. 126 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,520 Once he told me he regretted ever meeting me, 127 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,080 and that our marriage was a sham! 128 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,320 Yeah, well... He did bequeath it to me, so... 129 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,840 Oh! Out comes the fancy language. 130 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,520 Can I at least take it for a drive? 131 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,560 Absolutely not. Your driving? You're far too emotional. 132 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:51,920 You get yourself all worked up. 133 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,960 You're behind the wheel, Next thing you know... 134 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,920 Just so you know, this happened once, in 1985. 135 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,280 ..your car's round a lamppost. 136 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,200 It was 1985. Well, maybe not a lamppost, 137 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,600 but you crashed it. It was 1985. 138 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,520 You should have seen the state of the bonnet, after he... It was 1985. 139 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,560 IT WAS 1985! 140 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,760 Bequeath - 141 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,720 "to hand down or pass on". 142 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,400 It's a very common word. 143 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,040 In the 16th century. 144 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,920 We've had five wonderful years without her. 145 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,840 Why couldn't she have just stayed in Spain, like an ordinary mother? 146 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,880 Oh, Ken, she is nice. 147 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,120 I mean, I know she has her funny ideas, but... 148 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,520 You know she still calls those phone lines every day 149 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,680 to hear her horoscope from Spain. 150 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,000 Imagine growing up with a person like that. 151 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,120 And then there was the... 152 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,560 ..singing thing? Yes, that thing. 153 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:38,600 Look... 154 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,280 I don't mind Mum being a mentalist, 155 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,120 if she is not being mental all the time. 156 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,920 I mean, what was she thinking, driving that car around? 157 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,560 Were you one of those kids 158 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:52,160 that kept their toys in their boxes and never played with them? 159 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,960 It depreciates the value. 160 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,400 Give her a chance, love. 161 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,240 Are your eyes still open and your arms folded? 162 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,280 No. 163 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,640 You know, you could at least let me help you set things up. 164 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:17,400 Relax, Belinda! Everything is fine. It's just so great to have you here. 165 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,640 BOTTLES RATTLE Ken's so pleased to have you here. 166 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,120 Hm, I don't believe that. 167 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,880 I'm afraid Kenneth will always be angry with the world. 168 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,320 There's nothing so sad as a frustrated artist. 169 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,440 How is Dad a frustrated artist? 170 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,840 Oh, in his youth, your father was a wonderful singer. 171 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,640 The voice of a little angel. 172 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,320 I used to take him round all the local music festivals. 173 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,720 Ooh, the performances he gave. 174 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,560 Course, he gave it all up to spite me. 175 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:42,960 Please tell me there are videos. 176 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,360 Ken's Morning Has Broken... 177 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,640 it would make your spirit soar. 178 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,480 I would give anything to hear it again. 179 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,120 Dad! 180 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,720 Oh, Dad! 181 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,520 So how come you made it this time? 182 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,440 We haven't seen you for years, Belinda. 183 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,680 Well, obviously, to meet Horatio. 184 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,120 Sid. Whichever. 185 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,440 The point stands, I came to see my family. 186 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,520 OK. You can see through me. 187 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,000 But you have to promise not to give me away. 188 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,040 Absolutely. 189 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,200 I am ace at keeping secrets. 190 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,720 Well, the real reason is, 191 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,800 there's something I need to tell Kenneth. 192 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,640 Oh. 193 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,760 No. He should know first. 194 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,400 I need to find the right time. And soon. 195 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,240 Why? Is there a deadline? 196 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,320 Well, I suppose there is the one big deadline. 197 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,280 And I'm closer to mine than most. 198 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,480 SHE LAUGHS 199 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,160 I'm talking about death, Lorna. 200 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,000 Yes. 201 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,120 Yes, I got that. 202 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,360 HE SIGHS 203 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:40,800 HE WHISPERS: You beauty. 204 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,680 These tarot cards are powerful mystic tools, 205 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,280 which will reveal secrets known 206 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,000 only to the gods. DOOR SHUTS 207 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,600 Oh, spooky. 208 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,760 Oh, no. 209 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,840 Not tarot, now, as well. 210 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,280 Dale, pay no heed to that nonsense. Ssh, Dad! 211 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,240 We're just getting started. Go on, Nan. Turn a card over. 212 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:04,400 Very well. 213 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,760 I will turn the first card, 214 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,360 which is... 215 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,600 IN MENACING VOICE: Death! Ha-ha-ha! 216 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,520 What? Ken, it's not Death. 217 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,960 It's the Two of Cups. 218 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,200 Oh, sorry. My mistake. 219 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,600 What does Two of Cups mean? 220 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,840 We shall know more when the next card comes, which is... 221 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,120 IN MENACING VOICE: Death! 222 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,080 Dad! Oh, for God's sake. It's not Death. 223 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,280 It's another two. 224 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:25,440 IN MENACING VOICE: Snap! 225 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,080 Oh, Kenneth. I know you've never believed in my third eye. 226 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,760 Not in front of the children, please, Mother. Stop it. 227 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,840 Your scepticism is terribly hurtful. 228 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,480 I've helped many people. 229 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,720 Yeah, Dad. Give over. 230 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,920 Oh, sorry. Whoooo, spooky! 231 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,240 Go on, Nan. 232 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,200 So, Two of Cups, Two of Ones... 233 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,280 Dale, I see a girl. 234 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,160 And she is pining for you. 235 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,920 With a love that is pure and undying. 236 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,160 She has loved you for many months, 237 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,240 though there have been obstacles in her path. 238 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,400 Yeah. MYSTIC MUSIC 239 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,880 And she will prevail. 240 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,000 HE LAUGHS 241 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,240 Yes! Wh..where? Where is she? 242 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,680 She is... 243 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,000 ..to the East. 244 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,040 Could be Shanghai. 245 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,200 No, that... That doesn't sound very likely, Dale. 246 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,760 I mean, what was that last card? 247 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,920 The Sun. 248 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,080 OK, yeah. I see how that's Easty - 249 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,400 but could it mean somewhere hot? 250 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,040 Well, it's an interpretation. 251 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,120 Shanghai is hot. 252 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,560 Or maybe it could mean that she's fiery or tans easily? 253 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,760 Or has a sunny personality. 254 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,040 I mean, can we be certain what this really means, 255 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,200 or if that girl even exists? 256 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,360 Nothing is certain with the tarot. 257 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,360 Nothing! All meaningless. 258 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,080 Ah, cool! 259 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,800 SHE SIGHS Well... 260 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,040 Dale, the ceremony's tomorrow, shouldn't you be... 261 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,080 researching? 262 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,360 Yeah, should probably do that. Yeah! Come on then. 263 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,080 Thanks, Nan. That was lovely. 264 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,280 Hello. Yes. Can I speak to my consultant, please? 265 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,560 SHE SIGHS Well, I suppose another one will do. 266 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:09,440 Hello. Yes. 267 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:10,480 It's cancer. 268 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:13,760 No, go on. 269 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,560 Tell me what I need to know. 270 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,520 Oh, God, that soon? 271 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:20,600 SHE GASPS QUIETLY 272 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,280 Well, yes. I was wondering about that moon in Aquarius. 273 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,640 HE CHANTS 274 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,040 DOOR OPENS 275 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,400 Hi, Mom! Hi. 276 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,840 You liking my props for tomorrow? 277 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,800 Yeah. This ceremony is going to be so amazing, 278 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,320 Uncle Sid's going to poop himself. 279 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:43,720 Yeah, well, in all likelihood. 280 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,320 THEY LAUGH Sorry. You were chanting and, erm... 281 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,680 and weaving. That's all right. Here, come check it out. 282 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,560 This is a tribal blanket I had to weave. 283 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,200 Oh. Pretty cool. 284 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,120 Yeah, there's so many ceremonies that name babies around the world, 285 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:56,600 and they are all so beautiful, 286 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,800 I figured, why not just combine them all into one? 287 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,280 Oh, right. Like a...like a mashup? Yeah, exactly. 288 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,320 Do you mind helping me run through it all? 289 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,080 Yeah, sure. What you want me to do? 290 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,000 On the day, it's going to be me and Sid. Mm-hm. 291 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,440 So I figured I could be me 292 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,200 and you could be Sid. OK. OK. 293 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,200 SHE WAILS 294 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,720 What?! THEY LAUGH 295 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,880 That's amazing! 296 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,320 The only thing is, he's probably going to be on his back, 297 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,560 waving his arms in the air. 298 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,640 Let's imagine that bit. 299 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,120 All right. Let's do it. 300 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,640 Ken? 301 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,400 Will you do something...for me? 302 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,760 It depends what it is. 303 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,200 First, you have to swear that you'll do that for me. 304 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,760 It's just a small thing. 305 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,080 All right. 306 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,520 I swear it. 307 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,560 Take your mother on a drive tomorrow morning, 308 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,480 before the party. 309 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,080 Make peace with her. 310 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,440 Lorna, you traitor. 311 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,920 That is not a small thing. 312 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,120 Please. 313 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,880 Have some...alone time with her. 314 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,640 Do it for me. 315 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,440 You can take the...Stagmobile. 316 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,520 It's called a Stag. 317 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:58,960 Ken? 318 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,560 You won't have her forever. 319 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,720 DALE: 'And then...' 320 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,040 I take the water from the coconut 321 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,440 and sprinkle it on Sid. 322 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,720 Dale, stop it! What? 323 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,400 Dale, give me that! 324 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,160 THEY LAUGH 325 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,520 OK, OK. No, but this is serious. 326 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,920 Remember, if you mess this up, I'll be without a name. 327 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,600 Right. OK, sorry. 328 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,000 Serious. Yes. 329 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,160 SHE LAUGHS 330 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,800 Then, I, er... 331 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:38,840 take the kohl. 332 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:41,120 OK. 333 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,920 Oh. And... 334 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,160 I line... 335 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,320 Sid's eyes. 336 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,240 And then your cheeks. 337 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,160 And then, I erm... 338 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,360 ..I feed you honey. 339 00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,880 Oh, just... 340 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,560 SHE MUMBLES Oh. 341 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:02,600 THEY LAUGH 342 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,680 What next? 343 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,600 I take this corn on the cob and I... 344 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,720 rub it all over you. 345 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,640 Well, I think you've got it from here. Yeah? Yeah. 346 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,400 OK. OK. Thank you. THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY 347 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,480 DOOR SHUTS 348 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,120 BIRDS CHEEP 349 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,920 Yes, very impressive, Mother. 350 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,000 We could, perhaps, slow down a little, eh? 351 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,840 Your father didn't like driving fast. I always said, 352 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,800 "Trust the universe, Alan, 353 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,120 "and it will send no pedestrians". 354 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,440 And it rarely did. 355 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,520 You know, Lorna thinks I'm mean to you. 356 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,960 Oh, soak it up. 357 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,280 Your children never forgive you for falling short of perfection. 358 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,360 HE LAUGHS 359 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,920 Is that what you think? 360 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,760 As a mother, you fall short of perfection? 361 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,320 I had hoped this would be a chance to chat, 362 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:56,640 have a nice time. 363 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,440 What do I need to do? 364 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,000 What will make this a pleasant time, 365 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,160 where we can talk like a mother and her son? 366 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,640 There is something you could do, actually. 367 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,720 ENGINE REVS 368 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,320 You little cracker. 369 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,400 Like a choir of throaty young beauties. 370 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,480 ENGINE REVS 371 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,480 No time like the present, Ken. Time to drive it. 372 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,840 ENGINE REVS Drive on. 373 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,560 Yes, I'm going to. Thank you, Mother. 374 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,120 ENGINE REVS 375 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:23,920 And... 376 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,920 second gear. 377 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,600 And indicator, Kenneth. 378 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,000 Where's your indicator? 379 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,160 And... 380 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,560 third gear. 381 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,880 Mother, I am a driver of 30 years' standing. 382 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,600 Don't throw one of your ridiculous tantrums again - 383 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,160 and use your mirrors. Your father always said, 384 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:40,880 "Kenneth is a stranger to mirrors. 385 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,640 "It's a wonder he knows what he looks like". 386 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,080 Eyes on the road. 387 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,320 Can you please stop back-seat driving? 388 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:51,040 Keep calm. You cannot afford to lose your temper like this. 389 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,600 So predictable. When I saw your horoscope this morning, 390 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,280 I knew you'd be stubborn, stubborn... 391 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,000 I'm not going to let this rile me up. 392 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,120 ENGINE REVS I am not going to let you get to me. 393 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,160 SHE TALKS I'm going to rise above it. 394 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,240 CAR ACCELERATES I am going to rise above it. 395 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,120 I am going to rise above it! 396 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,880 SAD PIANO MUSIC 397 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,640 DOORBELL RINGS 398 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,120 What the fuck? Back off! 399 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,480 Welcome to the multi-faith blessing ceremony 400 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:25,960 for Uncle Sid Thompson. 401 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,880 Please come in. Take a flower lei. 402 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,680 CROWD MURMURS 403 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,240 MUSIC PLAYS 404 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,560 What's going on? 405 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,160 Well, every religion in the world 406 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,600 has its own way of welcoming a newborn child. 407 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,680 I am taking the most beautiful blessings from each, 408 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,640 giving them to Sid, so that every god loves him. 409 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,080 Sounds a bit foreign. 410 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,560 Zoe! Oh, I'm so glad you could make it. 411 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,280 All right, Dylan? How's non-university life? 412 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,040 Oh, it's great. Yeah, it's great, 413 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,960 being a real man in the real world. 414 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,400 Did you get my text? 415 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,040 I brought my fit new boyfriend along. 416 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,440 I hope that's not too upsetting for you. 417 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,480 Max, right? 418 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,760 Put it there, fella. 419 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,120 You are very welcome, my friend. 420 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,160 DYLAN SIGHS 421 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,840 Right, so...who do you guys know? 422 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,000 Erm... 423 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,640 Ah! Laura's over there. 424 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,960 She is looking hot. You know Laura? 425 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,440 I think you used to be best friends with her, didn't you? 426 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,720 Yeah. And then you snogged her brother 427 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,480 and she chucked you off the swimming team. Yeah. 428 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,880 Oh, you so don't want to do this. 429 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:26,920 Do what, Zoe? 430 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,920 Something awkward for you? 431 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,240 I'll see you around. 432 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,640 Yep. 433 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:37,800 Yep. See you around. 434 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,360 Three packs of sausage rolls I bought. 435 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,280 You ate them before the guests even arrived. 436 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,280 Lorna, I've had a near-death experience. 437 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,720 My mother tried to kill me. 438 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,520 To be fair, you were driving. 439 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,000 She knew what she was doing. 440 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,480 Ken! You should make up with her. 441 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,000 You'd miss her if she was gone. 442 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,280 Yeah...like I'd miss a flushed turd. 443 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,400 Oh, Ken! Hey, Ken. Oh, God. 444 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,280 I noticed you ran out of sausage rolls. 445 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,160 Not to worry. When I come to a party, 446 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,920 I bring my own supply... 447 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:09,960 of bhajis. 448 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,920 I have to say, Ken, I am impressed at the talent. 449 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:15,960 Who is that? 450 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,400 That is my mother. 451 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,880 Oh! 452 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,920 The family resemblance is uncanny. 453 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,000 And, may I say... 454 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,600 ..hubba, hubba. 455 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,360 No, you may not. 456 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,200 Hubba, hubba. 457 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,320 Stop this. HE MUMBLES NONSENSICALLY 458 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,600 HE MUMBLES NONSENSICALLY 459 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,040 HE MUMBLES NONSENSICALLY 460 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,480 Can't say much for the wine. 461 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,360 My palate craves a more... 462 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,640 mature vintage. 463 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,200 Bhaji, Mrs Thompson? 464 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,080 Are you a friend of Ken's? 465 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,120 I'm Ken's best friend. Oh! 466 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,840 Steve Chance. 467 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,680 GP, but former GP. 468 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,440 Soon to be a dotcom billionaire. 469 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:20,520 Can I ask you a very forward question? 470 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,120 Depends what it is. 471 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,080 Was Ken a muscular child? 472 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,800 Belinda, can I just have a quick word? 473 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:27,840 I was... Sorry, Steve. 474 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,160 You really need to tell your news to Ken, Belinda. 475 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,080 It's not fair to keep him in the dark. 476 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,720 He's obviously furious with me. 477 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,520 I think that's why he sent over that strange Steve man. 478 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,600 Maybe I won't say anything. 479 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,880 No, maybe I'll just slip away quietly. 480 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,360 Oh, you can't do that! 481 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,040 Well, I don't think I'll miss much. 482 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,720 A slow winding down, some drawn-out goodbyes. 483 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,920 SHE SIGHS 484 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,480 Hey, Dylan. Hey, Zo. You cool? 485 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,000 You're really going to do this? 486 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,880 Pull Laura just to get me? 487 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,760 Zoe! What a thing to say! 488 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,400 You bet I am. And I'm going to enjoy it, too. 489 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,760 You don't even fancy Laura! 490 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,960 Nah, I don't even like her as a person. 491 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,560 But, here's the thing, Zo. See, you've got to understand. 492 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,280 You can't go playing mind games with the mind games master, yeah? 493 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,360 So, what are we going to call this, then? 494 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,920 A check-a-mate. 495 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,360 Er, Laura... 496 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,120 Hi. Er... 497 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,040 we were just talking about... 498 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,400 someone other than you. 499 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,240 Dick. Er, babe, I... 500 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,440 You are good. 501 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,280 God, you are good. 502 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,600 SHE SIGHS Ken? 503 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,560 Will you please make peace with your mother? 504 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,240 She is talking about leaving. 505 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,480 Good. She can sod off back to Spain and choke on a chorizo. 506 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,920 I wasn't meant to say this, but... 507 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,120 ..she's dying, Ken. 508 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,880 Dying? 509 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,720 What do you mean? 510 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,080 I mean... 511 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,120 she's dying. 512 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,320 That must have been what she came to tell you. 513 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,360 But you were too pig-headed... 514 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,560 to let her in. 515 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,000 But... 516 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,240 but she looks so well! 517 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,760 She's so very brave, Ken. 518 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,360 Oh, Mum! 519 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,400 Dale? 520 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,800 Can I ask you something? 521 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:36,840 Sure, Chief Ken. 522 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:37,960 GONG CLASHES 523 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,520 Greetings, everybody. Soon we will begin the baby naming ceremony. 524 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,720 But, first, Chief Ken would like to say a few words. 525 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,080 APPLAUSE Yes! Whoo! 526 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,880 Thanks. I, erm... 527 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,320 I hadn't planned to do this, so bear with me. Erm... 528 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,640 I just wanted to say that... 529 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,240 sometimes you realise that... 530 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,640 our time is short. 531 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,400 And that the most important thing... 532 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,400 is to make those that we love happy. 533 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,720 HE SNIFFS 534 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,120 This is for you. 535 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,640 HE BREATHES HEAVILY 536 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:21,400 # Morning has broken 537 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:26,160 # Like the first morning 538 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:31,360 # Blackbird has spoken 539 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,960 # Like the first bird... # 540 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,200 CAMERA BEEPS 541 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:40,440 # Praise for the singing 542 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:44,360 # Praise for the morning 543 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:48,560 # Praise for the springing 544 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,600 # Fresh from the world. # 545 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,320 APPLAUSE 546 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,160 # Mine is the 547 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,440 # Sunlight VOICE WAVERS 548 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:04,040 IN OPERATIC STYLE: # Mine is the morning 549 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:08,760 # Born of the one light 550 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:14,120 # Eden saw play 551 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:19,200 # Praise with elation 552 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:24,560 # Praise every morning 553 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:30,800 # God's recreation 554 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,920 IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE: # Of the new 555 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,720 # Day! # 556 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,080 APPLAUSE Thank you. 557 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:43,680 That's for you, Mum. 558 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,160 DYLAN: Bloody golden! 559 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,120 Mum, have you got the e-mail for dad's office? 560 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,600 Terrible, Ken. 561 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,000 I'm just a friend saying that. 562 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,720 Well, if you knew anything about music, 563 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,680 you'd know it was actually incredible, so... 564 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:54,720 Bellend. 565 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,080 HE SIGHS HEAVILY 566 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,880 You were wonderful! 567 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,960 Oh, you did that for me! Oh! 568 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:03,880 Do you feel that wind? 569 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,600 That's Alan. 570 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,520 It feels like a proud wind. 571 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,520 GONG CLASHES 572 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,480 Ladies and gentlemen... 573 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:13,960 BABY CRIES Oh! 574 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,280 Oh! ALL: Aww! 575 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,960 Hello, little Sid! Look at you! 576 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,800 Every culture celebrates the arrival of a baby 577 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,760 in a different way. MYSTICAL MUSIC 578 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,520 The Chinese bless their children 579 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,840 with red thread, and, so... 580 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,480 I shall take this thread 581 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,200 and tie it in Uncle Sid's hair. 582 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,720 ALL: Aww! 583 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,520 I shut you out, Mum. 584 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,840 And that was wrong of me. 585 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,520 Oh, Ken. 586 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,800 What's got into you? In Japan... 587 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,240 the umbilical cord... I just want you to know that... 588 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,400 ..is packaged... ..I will miss you. 589 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,120 ..inside a small, wooden box. 590 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,400 ..when you're gone. 591 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,640 Oh, back to Spain? As we are lacking an umbilical cord... No, I mean... 592 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,480 ..we will use a piece of spaghetti. 593 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,040 ..I mean when you die. 594 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,760 A bit morbid, Kenneth. 595 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,160 Come on. 596 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,360 I know. 597 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:07,840 Thank you. KEN SIGHS 598 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,480 Lorna told me about your announcement. 599 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:11,840 I know you're dying. 600 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,400 No, I'm not dying. 601 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,560 What?! 602 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,080 Lorna! Hindus perform the ceremony Jatakarma... 603 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,960 Come here! ..to present the baby honey at birth. 604 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,560 Mum's not dying! 605 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,400 She is. 606 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,480 Aren't you? 607 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,520 I think I would know. 608 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:30,680 Oh, for fuck's sake. 609 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,280 Oh, bollocks! The last hour is a void! 610 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,280 I only sang that, cos I thought you were a goner. 611 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,080 Ken, she had big news. DALE CHANTS 612 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,480 I heard her talking to her consultant. 613 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,240 My horoscope consultant. 614 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:43,480 Oh, my God. 615 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,200 Oh, yes. That does make sense. 616 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,600 DALE SHOUTS IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE 617 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,200 Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you all 618 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,960 by not being terminally ill. 619 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,440 Now for a quick costume change. 620 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:52,960 Oh, come on, Belinda. 621 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,960 No-one wants you to be TERMINALLY ill. 622 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,880 You can speak for yourself. Anyway, I do have big news. 623 00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,200 Ssh! Guys! 624 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,920 Dale's worked really hard at this! 625 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,640 Come on. Spit it out. 626 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,760 Well... Come on, Belinda. 627 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,280 In accordance with Jewish... Whatever it is, just tell us! 628 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,880 ..I shall perform the bris. 629 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,400 The thing I came to tell you was... 630 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,160 Hey, Dad. You might want to see this. Not now, Dylan. 631 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,840 ..Alan was not your real father. 632 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,160 KEN GASPS 633 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,480 MUSIC BUILDS 634 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,520 No, no, Dad, seriously. 635 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,360 I was already pregnant when I met Alan. 636 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,280 What?! MUSIC BUILDS 637 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,400 AUDIENCE GASPS 638 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,240 ALL: Oh! 639 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,840 BABY CRIES What just happened? 640 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,720 Dale just circumcised Sid. 641 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,720 What?! Mazeltov! 642 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:33,920 BABY CRIES 643 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,120 Bloody hell! 644 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,280 Do you think Uncle Sid will forgive me? 645 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:46,400 BABY GURGLES 646 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,440 Of course he will! 647 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:50,400 I mean... 648 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,280 some ladies prefer it, Dale. 649 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,240 Don't they, Rach? Mm-hm. 650 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,320 And the important thing is... LETTERBOX CLICKS 651 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,680 ..did you enjoy your ceremony, Dale? 652 00:25:58,680 --> 00:25:59,760 Did it... 653 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,640 take your mind off things? 654 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,640 It really did. 655 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:05,600 I just... I've been so in my head 656 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,920 about Ling and China. 657 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:11,320 It's nice to remember who my real family are. 658 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:12,360 LORNA SIGHS Oh! 659 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,720 Nothing. 660 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,800 Just going for a jog. Oh. 661 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,080 You OK? Yeah! Totally fine! 662 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,720 OK. OK. 663 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,640 Oh, yeah. 664 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:30,960 MUSIC: Fool of Me by Say Lou Lou 665 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,160 # I got plenty left 666 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,040 # Stored up in my chest 667 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,280 # I'll top you up 668 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,200 # With the taste that I've now forgot 669 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,920 # You made a fool of me 670 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,040 # Lover 671 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:55,480 # You made a fool of me 672 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,960 # How funny 673 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,960 # I've been told 674 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,720 # I am cold 675 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,480 # And known to sting 676 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,520 # Forgive me, I have sinned. #