1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,560 Unprofessional behaviour, damage to the reputation of the firm, 2 00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:09,240 using the public forum of the Lawyer of the Year Awards to call your 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,560 colleagues "a shower of shithouses". 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,240 Innocent office banter. 5 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,600 And he stole my yoghurt from the office fridge. 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,200 I didn't touch your fucking yoghurt. 7 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,000 I move that we suspend Ken Thompson from the firm for a period 8 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,600 of one month. 9 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:24,840 All in favour of suspension? 10 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,960 Three. All against? 11 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,080 SNORING 12 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,880 Er... 13 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:37,680 So, do... I make that four! 14 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:38,960 Oh, well, thanks, everyone. 15 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,640 I must say... 16 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,880 What's going on? What are you doing to my arm, Ken? 17 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,160 Shit it! 18 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,280 All right. I'll go. 19 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,080 See you all in a month. 20 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,960 Oh, and, Adrian, I did steal your yoghurt. 21 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,760 A stole it, and I ate it, and I loved it. 22 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,840 HE SLAMS DOOR 23 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,160 Your morning coffee, Rachel. Oh. 24 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,440 Oh! Argh! 25 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,920 HE SCREAMS 26 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,000 I'm good. 27 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,440 In a mug's fine. But I need the practice. 28 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,280 You have to know how to mix a cocktail 29 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,040 when you're co-owner of a cocktail bar. 30 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,760 Yeah, can we talk about the bar? Yes. 31 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,840 And I know exactly what you're going to say. And, I agree. 32 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,840 Opening this bar with Steve was a great idea. 33 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:34,960 Not what I was going to say. 34 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,720 Oh... Dale, it's a terrible idea. 35 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,480 It's the worst idea anyone in this house has ever had, 36 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,800 and I'm including Dylan. 37 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,960 Oh, excuse me, what terrible ideas have I ever had? 38 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,520 Uh, hello, hand job at a funeral? 39 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,240 Fair enough. I know what will put your mind at rest. 40 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,400 Calling Steve? No. Getting your money back? Mm-mm. 41 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,440 Going back in time and not investing your savings 42 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,080 into a Lichfield cocktail bar? No. 43 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,600 I'm going to take you by the site, show you the magic. 44 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,400 Once you see All Steve's Pals, you'll get it. 45 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,280 Lorna, any reason why our son is dressed as a girl? 46 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,560 It's what he wanted to wear. 47 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,040 I know, but, come on, look at him. 48 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,960 Ken, you are such a dinosaur. 49 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,240 Children's clothes, their toys, they're all gender-neutral now. 50 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,960 I know, and that's broadly great, but, I mean, come on, Dylan, 51 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,240 you're with me on this, right? 52 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,240 Actually, Dad, society's moved on since the Dark Ages. 53 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,880 This thing called political correctness happened. 54 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,160 You might want to look it up, you big fat bender. 55 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,880 Right. OK, I haven't got time for this. 56 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,040 If you would. 57 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,680 Do not forget, the interview for the nursery's at one. 58 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,040 Do I have to come? 59 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:42,040 Yes, Ken. This nursery is the dog's doodah of nurseries. 60 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,360 There's a waiting list to get on the waiting list. 61 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,200 They bake bread every day, Ken. 62 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,320 They learn French, don't they, sweetheart? 63 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,520 French, Ken! 64 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,560 Good, because I've been worried sick about Sid's conversational vocab. 65 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,000 If Jane doesn't let you out for this... 66 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,560 It's fine. I can get out. 67 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,600 It'll be fine. 68 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,320 Everything at work is fine. 69 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,400 Stop with all the questions, Lorna, will you? 70 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,040 I'm late enough as it is! 71 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,840 I think you look lovely, sweetheart. 72 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,600 Fuck. 73 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,360 Eh... 74 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,720 Bye. 75 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,720 Go in. There's nothing interesting to see. 76 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,920 You're going to love it. Uh-huh. 77 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,960 Yep. You really have to pass a lot of heroin addicts to get here. 78 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,080 I know, right? It's crazy. 79 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,520 People in this neighbourhood seem to really love heroin. 80 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,360 I don't know why. 81 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,720 So, what do you think? 82 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,600 What am I looking at? That. 83 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,400 All Steve's Pals. 84 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:11,000 Don't worry, it's a lot nicer inside. 85 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,120 Ta-da! 86 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,080 Go on, get out. 87 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,040 Go on, shoo, shoo. 88 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,080 There's no heroin in here. Go on, out. 89 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,840 Honestly... 90 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,720 Howdy, business partner. Hey. 91 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,200 Howdy, girlfriend slash stepmum of business partner. 92 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,200 OK. Glad you're here, Rachel. 93 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,880 I need a woman's insight. 94 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,360 If you were a cocktail waitress, 95 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,440 would you rather be topless or wrestling? 96 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,920 I think I'd rather be suing. 97 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,800 Right, before the licensing meeting, 98 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,040 who fancies the latest cocktail from the production line? 99 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,640 I've been trying out recipes. 100 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,280 Here's a sexy USP - 101 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,480 the cocktails are all All Steve's Pals, 102 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:52,840 and are named after high-profile glamorous figures from the Midlands. 103 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,280 Great idea, right? Sure, it's... 104 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,680 Yeah, but... 105 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,520 Yeah. This one is the Dion Dublin. 106 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,560 OK. 107 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,560 Urgh, oh, the taste of being absolutely shitfaced in the morning. 108 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,880 How strong is that? 75% proof. 109 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,440 You don't get 183 career goals without having a kick. 110 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,480 Yeah! Now, this one is a potent mix of gin, vodka, absinthe, 111 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,760 coffee and Ribena. 112 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,480 I call this the Julie Walters. 113 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,640 Tuck in. 114 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,800 Oh, no, I quite like my stomach lining, thanks. 115 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,680 Yeah, I probably shouldn't before the licensing meeting. 116 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:27,840 Don't want to screw that up. 117 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,960 Can you imagine? All of a sudden, no licence, no bar, 118 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,600 all of our money back. 119 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,920 Actually, um, thinking about it, 120 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,480 if you're going to run a bar, you need to know the drinks. 121 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,880 Go on. Right, but I don't drink. 122 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,200 CHANTING: Dale! Dale! Dale! 123 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,520 BOTH: Dale! Dale! 124 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,120 Oh, come on! You know I can't resist a chant. 125 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,040 BOTH: Dale! Dale! 126 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,240 Yeah! 127 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,680 Oh... 128 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,560 Tastes like my tongue's been attacked. 129 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,120 That's Dame Julie for you. 130 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,840 More, more, more, more! 131 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,880 More, more, more... 132 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,480 Yeah! 133 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,800 Woo! 134 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,320 We offer three meals a day. 135 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,440 Great. 136 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,160 Won't even have to bother whopping a sausage and mash on for him! 137 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:16,200 All the food here is strictly vegan and ethically sourced. 138 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,240 Oh, Sid's a vegan. 139 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,480 We all are. 140 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:23,640 I make a mean vegan sausage and mash with vegan sausages 141 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,680 and vegan...potatoes. 142 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,480 I'm so sorry my husband's late. 143 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,440 I'll just get the forms. 144 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,800 Where the hell have you been? 145 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,160 Why have you got popcorn all over your suit? 146 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,160 It's a lawyer thing. You wouldn't understand. 147 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,520 Um... 148 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,520 Can we maybe get all that crap off him? 149 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,120 Leave him, he's happy in it. 150 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,240 Sorry I'm late. Hope you're not going to put me on the naughty step. 151 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,840 We prefer to not use negative labels here. 152 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,120 We prefer to use positive reinforcement. 153 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,920 Oh, my bad. 154 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,400 Please don't use the B-word. 155 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,360 Bet she's fun at parties. 156 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,400 OK, so we'll move on to the next question. 157 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,320 Will there be alcohol sales at the aforementioned premises? 158 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,560 HE LAUGHS 159 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,040 Yes! Obviously! 160 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,000 This thing is going to be huge, let me tell you. 161 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,040 Everybody's going to be like, "Hey, have you been to All Steve's Pals?" 162 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,120 And they'll be like, "What's All Steve's Pals?" 163 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,760 And they'll be like, "Oh, jeez, only the best damn cocktail bar 164 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,120 in all Lichfield, duh!" 165 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,240 Dale. Yeah? You're coming across as drunk. 166 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,720 I'll field that question. 167 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,760 There will be alcohol. 168 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,200 Would you like a sneak preview? 169 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,360 I've got a fresh bottle of Adrian Chiles. 170 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,760 No, thank you. 171 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,240 You freaking get it. 172 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,520 This, right here, this is what it's all about. 173 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,000 Man, you... 174 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,320 You get it, Frank. 175 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,600 OK, listen, can I be frank, Frank? 176 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,800 "Frank, Frank"! 177 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,240 That's hilarious. 178 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,480 See, this is why you get it. Exactly. 179 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,880 Everybody else in this council, they don't get it, but, you... 180 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,080 ..you get it, yeah, yeah. 181 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,240 It says on the application that the premises will be 182 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,440 an indoor beach bar. 183 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,880 Correcto, Franco. 184 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,920 All Steve's Pals will be the ultimate 185 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,160 in Miami-style high-class beach bars. 186 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,000 Have you seen the video Club Tropicana? 187 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,480 It's basically going to be that, but with topless dancers. 188 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,640 So there will be entertainment on-site? 189 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,000 All Steve's Pals is all about entertainment. 190 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,120 Dancers, swing ball, duelling - it's the lot. 191 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,560 URINATES 192 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,200 Dale! 193 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,480 Psst... Yeah, yeah, carry on. Carry on. I'm listening. 194 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,720 I just really needed to go. 195 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,160 OK, I think we're done here. 196 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,360 Thank you. 197 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:43,880 All right, sorry, I'm back. 198 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,120 So, when do we get the licence? 199 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,000 Also, do you know what colour the licence is? 200 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,760 And do you want to get a kebab? I'm so hungry. 201 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,560 The licence has not been granted. 202 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,160 Bad move, Mr Suit and Tie. 203 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,040 The council has made a powerful enemy today. 204 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,760 There must be something we can do, anything, please. 205 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,080 Like, we just... 206 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,920 ..we really need this licence. 207 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,160 Perhaps if it was worth my while. 208 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,600 There are ways to grease the wheel. 209 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:42,120 This could go easier if I got my slice of the pie. 210 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,360 Seriously. Here's my card. 211 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,080 I'm just going to write a few random letters on the back. 212 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:54,920 B-R-I-B-E. 213 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,800 Frank! 214 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,080 HE LAUGHS 215 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,960 Sorry, I just remembered the whole "Frank, Frank" thing from earlier. 216 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,160 Great times. 217 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,960 Right, um, 218 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,400 if you don't mind, I'm just, I'm going to have to go vomit, 219 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,600 but it was really nice meeting you. 220 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,720 I'll be honest with you, 221 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,320 I'd love to find Sid a place here... 222 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:27,160 Oh, that's great! 223 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,240 We've never had a transgender child before. 224 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:35,720 Sorry? I know, strictly speaking, there aren't any places available, 225 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:40,120 but between you and me, I've been holding back a space 226 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,800 for a non-cis child for the last three years. 227 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,440 OK, I think there's been a bit of a mistake... 228 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,880 That's great, Frances. 229 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:53,280 It's great to find a place where Sid can be who Sid wants to be. Mm. 230 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,120 My daughter goes here, and I think she'd really get along with Sid. 231 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,840 They're such similar spirits. 232 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,080 Sid's having a birthday party tomorrow. 233 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,320 Just bring her along! 234 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,480 I'd love to. 235 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,040 Number's on the back of the card. 236 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,920 OK, Lorna, can I have a word, please, in private? 237 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,080 OK, we are not pretending that Sid is transgender. 238 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,240 We don't know he isn't. We're pretty sure, actually. 239 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,080 It's a really good nursery, Ken. 240 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,040 But is it this good, Lorna? 241 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,600 I'll see you tomorrow. 242 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,280 Can everyone just hold on a minute here? 243 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,840 Ken! Shut this down and you will never ever 244 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,680 have sexual intercourse again in your adult life. 245 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,800 Right. See you tomorrow. 246 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,280 Bye. 247 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,920 Bye. OK, Sidney. 248 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,840 Where are you? Oh! 249 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:49,080 I wasn't sure what birthday cake really says gender fluid, 250 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,400 so I just went for plain sponge. 251 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,880 It's got no icing. 252 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,520 Maybe I should text Frances, see what she says. 253 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,080 No. She'll think we are amateurs. 254 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,000 Mental, mental amateurs. 255 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,880 Oh, I bumped into Noel from your office when I was there. 256 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,360 What? 257 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,000 You know he lies, don't you? 258 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,080 He can't be trusted. It's pathological. 259 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,360 He told me he invented the smartphone. He's a lunatic. 260 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,600 It was weird. He asked me to say hi to you. 261 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,240 That is weird. 262 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,080 Ah, probably best not to dwell on it. 263 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,640 I told him to bring Alfie over, to the party tomorrow. 264 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,040 Why would you do that? 265 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,320 Him and Sid get on. 266 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,480 They're toddlers, Lorna, of course they get on. 267 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,960 Sid gets on with the madwoman with the cats at number 14. 268 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,200 Should we invite her, too? 269 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,800 Oh, look what I got for Sid. 270 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,200 The belle of the ball. 271 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,800 OK, this is going too far, Lorna. 272 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,480 Yeah, I know. 273 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,200 Maybe it doesn't matter about what nursery you go to. 274 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:45,000 I mean, Dylan didn't go to a good nursery and he turned out fine. 275 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,440 How was your day, love? 276 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,600 Um, amazing! 277 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,360 I never realised they still have to pay you 278 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,000 when you're using the toilet. 279 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,200 It's like, every time I'm sat on that toilet, 280 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,480 they're actually paying me to do it. 281 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,440 I mean, I need to go for one now, 282 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,840 but there is no chance I am wasting a dump at home when someone will 283 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,480 literally pay me to shit. 284 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,080 Ha! The daft twats! 285 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,440 Yeah, as you were, Lorn. Yeah. 286 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,600 DOOR CLOSES 287 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,320 Everything OK? No, bad news, guys. 288 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,800 The alcohol licence fell through. 289 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,920 No cocktail bar. Oh... 290 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,200 That's a shame. 291 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,280 And the council guy, he was saying some pretty weird things. 292 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:27,080 Something about making it worth his while and having a slice of pie. 293 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,120 Like, what does that even mean? I don't know. 294 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,800 It means he wants to bribe you, dickhead. 295 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,760 Just bung him some money, you'll get your licence. 296 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,280 You're saying if I bribe him, the bar is back on? 297 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,000 No! Yes! 298 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,920 What?! 299 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,040 Yes! That is the best news ever! 300 00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:49,160 Oh, gosh, not in the stomach, Rach. 301 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,000 I've got a lot packed in there right now. 302 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,440 Eurgh! 303 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,720 This is so exciting. 304 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,920 My final five grand. 305 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,160 Wait, this whole bribe thing, it's all above board, right? 306 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,360 No, it's a bribe. 307 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,560 Right, yeah. This is how things get done in the dirty world 308 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:05,960 of entertainments licensing. 309 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,960 We are like the Kray twins. 310 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,840 We don't take shit from any... 311 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,680 Oh, come on. 312 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,520 You are literally taking shit from someone. 313 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,080 I'm very disappointed in you. I'm sorry. 314 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,440 Have a lovely day. 315 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,880 Stop being nice to people. 316 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,080 You're taking the whole fun out of this bribing trip. 317 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,120 Prick! 318 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,280 Bye. 319 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,320 I've managed to get Sid into the dress. 320 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,880 He says he wants to be Spider-Man. 321 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,120 Good work. 322 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,560 Lorn, is it wrong that we're doing this? 323 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,080 It feels massively wrong. 324 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,800 Maybe... 325 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:55,240 Maybe, actually, by doing this, we're being great parents. 326 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,560 By helping him to overcome prejudice. 327 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,640 Yeah. That's bollocks, though, isn't it? 328 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,200 DOORBELL CHIMES 329 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,680 Noel, hi! Lorna, 330 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,280 how's it going?! Hello, Noel. 331 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,760 Lorna, could you check on Sid? 332 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,880 I think he was playing with scissors in the bedroom. 333 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,240 What? Yeah. 334 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,000 How are you holding up, big guy? 335 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,800 The office isn't the same without you. 336 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,320 Come on, then. Yeah... 337 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,160 Yeah, can we have a moratorium on work talk? 338 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,840 Today's really about the kids, isn't it? 339 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,520 Yeah, it's awful what they've done. 340 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,000 I'm dead against the suspension, Ken, I want you to know that, 341 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,080 and I want Lorna to know the same. Right, OK, well, we don't need to tell her. 342 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,800 It'll only upset her, OK? I should have tried harder to stop this. 343 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,720 Stop what? Private conversation! 344 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,920 That's actually quite rude, thank you, Lorna. 345 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,480 In you go, Noel. Have a nice time. 346 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,800 DOORBELL CHIMES 347 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,640 Oh! Oh! You made it! Hello. 348 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,120 Hello. This is Jessie. 349 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,360 Hello. Hello, Jessie. 350 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,760 Now, you go and play with Sid, OK? 351 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,040 Aw, what a darling dress. 352 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,480 Yes, yes, it's his favourite. 353 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,680 I can't get it off him. 354 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,360 Not that I'd want to. No. 355 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,960 It's great. Aw. Come in. 356 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,440 Oh, this is for Sid. It matches his dress. 357 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,240 Oh! 358 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:16,640 This is it, the licence officer's house. 359 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,560 Time to make him an offer he can't refuse. 360 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,880 Although, technically, of course, he can. 361 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,160 HE EXHALES 362 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,640 I don't think he's in. 363 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,840 Steve? 364 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,040 Just post the bribe and let's get out of here. 365 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,280 OK. That's it, we're done. 366 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,520 We are bribers now. 367 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,280 Yeah! 368 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,000 Wait, should we still have the money? 369 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,480 What have you posted? 370 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,600 Yep. I posted the dog poo. 371 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,400 Oh, for fuck's sake. 372 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,880 Dale... 373 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,840 We'd already had a boy and a girl, which is so binary. Mm. 374 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,400 Then Sid came along. 375 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,720 Yeah! 376 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,000 Mini-burger? Mm-hm. 377 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,440 Wow. And these are vegan? 378 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,640 Lorna, they're sublime. 379 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,160 Yeah, vegan. 380 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,000 Vegan beef. 381 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,760 You'll have to give me the recipe. Uh-huh. 382 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:38,640 So, Lorna, just to say, I know you're angry about it... 383 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,480 Game time, everyone! 384 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:41,680 Musical statues. 385 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,480 Everyone! And the adults. 386 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,280 And you, Noel. It's a party. 387 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,440 Come on. 388 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,600 And everybody's...dancing! 389 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,840 # Wave your hands...# 390 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,360 Are you dancing? 391 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,720 Come on, hold my hand. 392 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,760 MUSIC STOPS 393 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,920 So, yeah, as I was saying... 394 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,720 Er, no talking in the game, thank you, Noel. 395 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,720 In fact, you can leave the game. You're out. Away from Lorna. 396 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,560 Over there, please. That's it. 397 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,920 Off we go. 398 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,080 Back in the fucking game, Lorna, please. 399 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,760 Still in. Off we go dancing! 400 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,800 Everyone. 401 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,760 That's it. 402 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,680 I can't reach it. 403 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,920 There's an open skylight on the roof. 404 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,480 There's only one thing for it. 405 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,200 I'll parkour up the side of the house, 406 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,680 flip up onto the roof and ease my way in. 407 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,600 Let's do this! 408 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,080 Huh! 409 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,880 Oh! 410 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,320 Good news is, I got the bag. 411 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,920 Bad news... 412 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,640 ..poop's still in the house. 413 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,120 There's a window open. 414 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,760 Give me a leg up. I can get in here. 415 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,440 Are you sure? 416 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,440 Dale, I'm effectively special ops. 417 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,800 They call me The Eel. I can glide into any space. 418 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,600 Come on. Give me a leg up. 419 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,120 Oh... 420 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,520 HE GRUNTS 421 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,440 OK. 422 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,680 Flip me over. Flip me over. 423 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,520 Flip. 424 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,160 That's it. Now push. 425 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,760 Keep pushing. Keep pushing. 426 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,440 COINS CLATTER 427 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,440 Whoa, you carry a lot of change. 428 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,760 I like arcades. 429 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,200 Keep pushing. 430 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,600 Argh! 431 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,560 HE CRASHES 432 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,080 Are you OK? 433 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,160 It's all right, the ground broke my fall. 434 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,960 DISHES CLATTER 435 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,520 Just going to black out for a bit. 436 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,000 I'm in a lot of pain. 437 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,640 In a lot of... 438 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,080 ..pain. 439 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,280 Boo! You did a poo-poo? 440 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,000 Hi, Ken. Hi. 441 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,240 I couldn't help noticing that you only gave a prize 442 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,400 to the winner of musical statues. 443 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,600 Yeah, because they won. Hm. 444 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,320 Just worried that the others might associate themselves with failure. 445 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,120 Negative reinforcement. 446 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,040 Good point. 447 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,080 I'll get some medals made up for all of them. 448 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,360 Great. Thanks, Ken. 449 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,480 Ken, is there somewhere I can change him? 450 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,680 Oh, yeah, just use that room at the end of the corridor. 451 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,680 Cheers, thanks. 452 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,360 Rachel, where's your mum? 453 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,280 Oh, she's in my room, changing Sid. 454 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,440 WESTERN MUSIC 455 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,120 Are going to do it now? 456 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,280 Yeah. Why not stay here for a bit? 457 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,720 Because my son needs changing. 458 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,120 What are you doing, Ken? 459 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,080 Why don't I change him for you? 460 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,480 What? Well, no, I'd really, really like to, and it is my house, so... 461 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:41,960 I'll change my own son, thanks. 462 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,440 No, no, I insist. 463 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,880 Come on, little fella. 464 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,600 Phwoar, Jesus, what's he been eating, the fish heads? 465 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,120 Can you let go of his hand, please? 466 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,480 What is this? 467 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,920 Is it a nanny state? 468 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:55,240 Can't a man change another man's son's nappy? 469 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,360 Hey... No, he can't. 470 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,280 What's going on? Ken's being weird. 471 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,000 I just offered to change his son. 472 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,240 Nothing weird. 473 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,520 You're being weird, Ken. 474 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,720 Look at you. 475 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,080 I know you're under a lot of pressure at work, but come on, 476 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,200 if you need to change anyone, change your own son. 477 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,280 What sort of pressure at work? 478 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,160 I think you should leave, actually, Noel. 479 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,560 You can't say that. 480 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,880 Thinking I should change my son just because he's wearing a dress. 481 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,240 That's not what I meant! It's not the Dark Ages. 482 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,800 I think you should go right now. Without speaking to Lorna. 483 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,600 Personally, I think it is inspirational 484 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,560 the way Ken and Lorna have decided to raise Sid. 485 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,040 Thank you. I'm not having a go at the dress. 486 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,480 He can wear what he wants. 487 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,400 Daddy made me wear it for nursery. 488 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,360 Is that true? 489 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:45,040 I can't believe you would fake a child's gender identity 490 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,160 just to get into a good nursery. 491 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,960 We've done a lot worse. 492 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,880 Come on, Jessie. 493 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,960 Thank you for coming. 494 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,800 Um... Don't forget your party bags. 495 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,440 CHILDREN CRY 496 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,040 Two bunches, please. 497 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,000 And can the message say, 498 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,480 "Sorry we tried to trick you into thinking our child 499 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,160 "was transgender to gain a nursery place." 500 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,040 Yeah, maybe just, "Sorry." 501 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,080 Yeah, just, "Sorry." 502 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,560 As soon as possible, please. 503 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,760 We can smooth this over. 504 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,160 Uh-huh. 505 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,040 HE GASPS 506 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,800 How are we doing out there, Dale? 507 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,840 One knock for fine, two knocks for someone's coming. 508 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,400 HE KNOCKS ONCE 509 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,320 Three knocks for Connie called you and she wants me back. 510 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,400 Come on, three. 511 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,080 Ah... 512 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,280 I'll get some bog roll to wrap this up. 513 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,560 No, Dale, no more Mr Nice Guy, you're a briber now. 514 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,040 Oh, just as I thought I was out, they pull me back in. 515 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,520 Hi, ma'am, I'm Dale. 516 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:20,720 Do you need some help? 517 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,440 Wow, you have a lot of shopping. 518 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,360 So many bags for just two people. 519 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:39,480 Oh, you've been such a good girl today. 520 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,840 PHONE BEEPS 521 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,200 Oh, Mummy's got a message. 522 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,840 What's that, then? 523 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,320 Hmm... 524 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:52,480 SHE GASPS 525 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,920 Hi. Steve Chance. 526 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,080 Don't worry about that, a dog did that. 527 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,760 Oh... 528 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:21,160 Delivery for you. Take care.