1 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,920 Unprofessional behaviour, using the public forum 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,720 of the Lawyer Of The Year Awards 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,480 to call your colleagues a shower of shithouses. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,360 My partners, ladies and gentlemen. 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,120 I move that we suspend Ken Thompson from the firm 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,640 for a period of one month. 7 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,040 Imagine having to keep it from your whole family 8 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,320 you've been suspended from work. Chief Ken! 9 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,680 If you tell Lorna, I won't be your friend any more. 10 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,520 Chief Ken's been suspended from work and he's been hiding it from 11 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,080 Lorna this whole time. What? KEN! 12 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,320 Find somewhere else to spend the night. 13 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,840 Clear the runway, it's an emergency! 14 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,320 Dylan! Eurgh, you animal! 15 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:50,640 Can we please put a lock on that bathroom door?! 16 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,200 It's on your dad's to-do list. 17 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,320 Along with being honest to his wife of 25 years. 18 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,080 Are you still making Dad sleep at Steve's bar? 19 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,400 Well, until he apologises. 20 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,280 Also with your dad gone, I get the chance to blast a few Nazis. 21 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,720 Dad would love a bit of this. 22 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,400 No, he gets furious at the historical inaccuracies. 23 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,800 "World War II was won by strategy, Lorn, 24 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,720 "not one American with a bayonet." 25 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,840 Sniper! Got him! 26 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,720 I don't think Dad meant to lie about being suspended, Mum. 27 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,840 I think he was just too embarrassed to tell you. 28 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,720 Like when he applied for Mastermind. 29 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,400 "But then the handsome prince slayed the evil dragon, 30 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,600 "and saved all the villagers!" 31 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,160 Phew, that was tense! 32 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:36,120 I think we both need a nappy changing after that one. 33 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,960 "And so the prince and his beautiful princess lived happily ever after." 34 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,360 And then... 35 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,040 That's the end. No. What? That can't be the end. 36 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,240 What happens after happily ever after? 37 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,360 Sid, hey, have you been eating the pages again? 38 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,920 Sid? 39 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,240 You are such a bad nephew-cousin! 40 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,880 Dad probably had a better night's sleep over there anyway. 41 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,200 Yeah, Dylan was a bit noisy last night. 42 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,040 All that rutting! Mum! 43 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,560 It's healthy, Rach. It means he likes her. 44 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,240 Maybe we'll hear the pitter-patter of tiny Dylans! 45 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,880 Yeah... 46 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,200 It's funny you should say that, actually, Mum, because... 47 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,560 You're pregnant! Shh, Dale might hear. 48 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,840 You're pregnant! You're pregnant! Mum! Stop that! 49 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,360 He doesn't know? 50 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,560 Well, I'm probably not. I'm only couple of weeks late. 51 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:25,960 So... 52 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,760 Sid, I know what comes next for the prince and princess! 53 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,960 I'm so excited to be a dad! 54 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,480 I'm going to do all the things I could never do with MY dad. 55 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,600 Like meet him. 56 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,360 WHIRRING AND DRILLING 57 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,320 Sausage... 58 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,840 What the f...? 59 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,320 Steve? STEVE?! 60 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,080 Steve? STEVE! 61 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,000 STEEEEVE! 62 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,080 Yeah, yeah! HE CHUCKLES 63 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,240 Here's my little stud-muffin! So, is she a keeper? 64 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,440 Well, she's a goer. 65 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,800 Come on, Dylan, give me a little bit more information. 66 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,960 Er, she's not my usual type. 67 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,760 Do you like her? She's all right. 68 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,280 Dylan, that's so romantic, love! 69 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,800 Mum, I wouldn't get too excited. 70 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,720 If you like her, I'm sure I'll like her too. 71 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,160 Oh! 72 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,520 Hi, Lorna! 73 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,800 Connie! Oh, hi! 74 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,600 Dylan, no. Have you got back with Zoe? 75 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,200 Not exactly. Oh, thank God. 76 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,320 for a minute there, I thought you had made a terrible mistake. 77 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,280 Well, I'm fine. 78 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,640 I'm fine! I can't complain. The weather's getting nice again. 79 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,920 Where's Pepe? Why are you having sex with my son? 80 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,240 Mum, don't be a knob. 81 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,720 I know this must be a shock, 82 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,320 but we bumped into each other last night and... 83 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,240 It was lovely to see you, Connie. Why are you having sex with my son? 84 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,320 Please, God, you're using contraception. 85 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,200 Do we need to? Sometimes. I'm making tea now. 86 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,680 Tea. Tea. 87 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:14,960 Goodbye. 88 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,440 You want some tea? 89 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,200 I'm not thirsty. 90 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,280 I'm hungry. 91 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,000 Rach! 92 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,320 It's Connie! Dylan's girlfriend is Connie! 93 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,240 Which Connie? Connie Connie. 94 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,960 Your friend Connie? Yes! 95 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,800 Steve's ex-wife Connie? Yes, Connie! 96 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,520 Dylan's ex-girlfriend's mum Connie? 97 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,040 Hi, Rach. Hi. 98 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,440 Do you mind? No, that's fine. 99 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,120 Cheers, my love. 100 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,520 Bye, Rach! 101 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,200 THAT Connie?! Yes, that Connie. 102 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,160 But she used to babysit him! 103 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,920 Let's not judge. I mean, she's obviously been through a rough time. 104 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,600 And being married to Steve for years is enough to drive anyone... 105 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,080 Into Dylan's bedroom? Oh, Christ. 106 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,840 I haven't even hoovered in there. 107 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,560 DOOR OPENS 108 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,880 Oh! Hi. Hi. Erm, don't go into our room, 109 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,400 because there's no surprise in there for you. 110 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,720 OK. 111 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,520 50 quid it's a sofa fort. 112 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,960 Dylan, ooh! CONNIE SQUEALS WITH PLEASURE 113 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,160 Why didn't they put a bloody door in? I don't know, Ken. 114 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,440 Domestic construction is one of two skills I haven't mastered. 115 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,040 The other one is whist. Steve, when are they coming back? 116 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,320 It's supposed to be next week, but I'll give them a ring now. 117 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,240 In the meantime, try and enjoy yourself. 118 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,640 Try... Try and enjoy myself?! Enjoy what? 119 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,240 Suffocation? Well, some people say it heightens sensitivity. 120 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,440 Just call the builders. Will do. 121 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,880 If you get bored, there's a couple of tinnies left back there. 122 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,480 And a newish copy of AutoTrader. 123 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,080 Steve, I'm actually a bit funny about small spaces. 124 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,640 Ken, it's quite a big space. 125 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,120 It is small for me. 126 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,160 Ken, I will not leave your side. 127 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,600 I'll be your Greyfriars Bobby, 128 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,400 Chewbacca to Han Solo. 129 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,440 In both those cases, the other guy died. 130 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,720 Let's be Jack and Rose from Titanic. 131 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,320 JUST CALL THE BLOODY BUILDERS! Fuck it. 132 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,920 Wow. I wouldn't know how to even search for that online. 133 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,080 Oh, there's a whole subreddit. 134 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,520 Well, I fucking enjoyed it, whatever it was. 135 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,120 I don't know what Zoe was complaining about. 136 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,760 Zoe complained about me? 137 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,520 Oh, not about you, just about the sex. 138 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,920 But Mum knows best. 139 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:48,600 Dylan, I know we said this was just supposed a bit of fun, 140 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,520 but it's sort of working, right? 141 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,360 Yeah! I beat my record. 142 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,240 What you doing? Putting a picture on Facebook. 143 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:01,400 Chilling with my bae. Hashtag pinot, hashtag what am I like?! 144 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,880 Hold on... There! We're official. 145 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,320 God, that feels liberating. 146 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,600 Erm, breakfast in bed? 147 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,760 God. None of my ex-husbands ever brought me breakfast in bed. 148 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,080 Well, Steve brought Weetabix once, 149 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,360 but not to eat. 150 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,480 PHONE BEEPS 151 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,920 Oh! Our first like. 152 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,360 From Zoe! 153 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,960 Holy shit! 154 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,200 I didn't want to get involved, 155 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,080 but did you think things were moving a bit fast? 156 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,480 I just saw this on Facebook... 157 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,360 Why did you like it?! 158 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,600 Oh, I like everything my son does on Facebook. 159 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,000 Well, ignore it. It's over. 160 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,600 That was quick. Yeah, so quick that she doesn't know about it yet. 161 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:59,320 Dylan? Mum, could you do me a small favour, seeing as she's your friend? 162 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,520 Could you tell her that it's over too? I forgot to mention it. What?! 163 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,840 No rush, I won't be back for a couple of hours! 164 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:06,520 Oh, by the way, she's expecting breakfast in bed. 165 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,000 Cheers, Mum! Bye! Dylan! Don't you dare! Come back here! 166 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,960 Lorna? Is the shower free? 167 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,640 Yeah! Help yourself! Thanks. 168 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,960 I can't believe she actually kicked me out. 169 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,880 I mean, all I did was lose my job, 170 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,560 pretend to go to work 171 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,240 and then lie about it to my wife's face every day 172 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:32,840 for the best part of a month. 173 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,920 Well, bitches be crazy. 174 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,840 They're not bitches, Steve, they're women. 175 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,960 But, yes, broadly speaking, 176 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,080 some of them be crazy. 177 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,360 You wouldn't believe the mind games Connie used to play. 178 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,240 "Toilet seat down, Steve. 179 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,200 "Plastic sheets for skinning squirrels, Steve." 180 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,640 Skinning squirrels? 181 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,560 You have to skin them, Ken, or the fur bungs up the slow cooker. 182 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,720 You are a weird little creature, Steve, 183 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,040 but it is nice to have someone to talk to. 184 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,920 THUD 185 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,320 Sssh! Go, go! Go! 186 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,840 It's really nice to talk to you too, Ken. 187 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,360 Very nice. 188 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,720 SHE CHUCKLES 189 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:23,960 Oh! 190 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,120 Connie, can we have a little chat? 191 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,600 I know what you're going to say, Lorn - it's a rebound. 192 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,320 Well, actually, a double rebound, not sure what you call that. 193 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,840 Return volley? 194 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:40,000 Listen, I really shouldn't be the one telling you this, but... 195 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:44,440 Can I just say how much it means to me that you're OK with, er... 196 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,240 You sleeping with my son? The last thing I need is any more drama. 197 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,880 Drama? 198 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,120 No, no drama. I mean, 199 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:53,560 it's not as if you're going to become my daughter-in-law. 200 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,560 Is it? The year I've had, Lorn. 201 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,120 Tearing the family apart to run off with Pepe, 202 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,160 then as soon as we get engaged, Pepe gets drafted 203 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,880 into the Israeli army and is never allowed to contact me again! 204 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:08,160 There comes a time, Lorn, when you look at your life and you think, 205 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,040 "Am I ever going to be happy again?" 206 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,960 And then one Tuesday night in Walkabout, up dances Dylan 207 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:19,520 with a couple of tequilas and you think, "Oh, why the fuck not?" 208 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,880 I was in such a dark place. 209 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,520 I can honestly say, and this is no exaggeration, 210 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,160 your son pulled me back from the brink. 211 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,560 But I'm rabbiting on, what was it you wanted to say? 212 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:34,400 Oh, doesn't matter. 213 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,080 It seemed very urgent a minute ago. 214 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,800 And it's not now. Life's funny like that. 215 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,000 No, spit it out, Lorn. 216 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,920 Just, the thing is... 217 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,200 ..Ken's left me. 218 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,320 Really?! 219 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,600 Yeah, for an air stewardess. 220 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,840 Does a lot of travelling, then, for his work. 221 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,040 No. He met her in a taxi. 222 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,560 He met an air stewardess in a taxi? Yep. 223 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,800 And now he's left me for her. 224 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,040 The bitch. 225 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,560 Oh, Lorna. All men are shits. 226 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,040 Yeah. 227 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:11,160 Oh, sod the tea, let's open some wine. 228 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,320 Yeah, I think I need some. 229 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,680 Wine! 230 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:18,320 Whoo! 231 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,880 Dale! 232 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,280 Whoa! Can't go in there, the prince hasn't finished yet! 233 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,280 Prince? Dale, what's going on in there? 234 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,600 You don't worry about that... 235 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,160 ..baby. HE CHUCKLES 236 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,680 Why do you say that? Say what? 237 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:38,160 "Baby" - in that weird way. And then laugh. 238 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,720 I can't keep it in any longer. 239 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,240 I'm so excited for us! OK, calm down. 240 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,560 I just want to dance and sing and shout from the rooftops. 241 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:50,040 Rachel's pregnant! RACHEL'S PREGNANT! 242 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,760 ELECTRO POP MUSIC PLAYS 243 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,080 Stop that. I don't know if I can! 244 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,240 Rach, all that corny stuff they say in movies, it's true! 245 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,760 I feel like I'm made of clouds! Well, you're not. 246 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,680 I don't know if I definitely am pregnant yet. 247 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,080 I still haven't done a test. 248 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,520 Oh! I'll do one right now. 249 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,040 Hey there, little guy. Give me a high five. 250 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,720 Yep! I felt him. We're pregnant. 251 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,480 OK, I'm not sure that's conclusive. Oh. 252 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:22,720 We need to do a real test. 253 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,400 OK. OK, come on. 254 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:31,280 I spy with my little eye something beginning with D. 255 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,440 Well, it's not a bloody door, is it?! So you concede? 256 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,520 Well, given that I can't see anything your side of the wall, 257 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:37,920 yes, I concede. 258 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,440 It's "Devotion. To my best friend Ken". 259 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,040 God. 260 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,480 I can't wait to go home. 261 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,000 You're not going home, Ken. Your marriage is in tatters. 262 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,400 There's nothing wrong with my marriage. 263 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,800 All we need is a weekend away in a B&B and maybe a visit to a castle. 264 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,360 That's what I thought with me and Connie, but it's a sticking plaster. 265 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,400 First it's the mini breaks, then before you know it 266 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,200 you're knocking on doors at Center Parcs asking people to join in. 267 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,240 Oh, God, that is bleak. 268 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,280 Not as bleak as when we first split up, Ken. 269 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,760 Some mornings I would drink a whole bottle of limoncello. 270 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,200 Do you know what I needed most in those darkest hours? 271 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,720 A packet of Rennies? 272 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,240 Bloody hell, I went through so many Rennies, Ken. 273 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:19,840 So many Rennies. 274 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,000 No, I'm talking about companionship. 275 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,640 I don't mean the wishy-washy love of a treacherous woman. 276 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,960 I'm talking about real, male, BFF companionship. 277 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,520 And you were there for me, Ken. 278 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,720 Was I? I don't think I was. 279 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,200 We don't need women, we need each other, forever. 280 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,280 I'm putting my hand against the wall, Ken, 281 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,240 it's about 1.61 metres from the floor. 282 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,880 I suggest you do the same. 283 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,880 Do you know what a best friend would do for me now? 284 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,640 Sing you a lullaby? Go and see Lorna. 285 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,040 Go and see Lorna and tell her I'm sorry, 286 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,840 and that I'll be back as soon as the bloody builders arrive. 287 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:06,440 OK. Yeah, I'll do that right now, Ken. 288 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,920 So I'm just going, Ken, to speak to Lorna, like you asked. 289 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,840 So, er... 290 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,320 Bye. 291 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,000 CLATTERING 292 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,800 Oh, my God, you are a weird little goblin. 293 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,320 Which you'll come to love. 294 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,520 Steve? 295 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:24,680 Fuck. 296 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,720 MUSIC: Insane In The Brain by Cypress Hill 297 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,560 You're better off without him anyway, Lorn. 298 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,880 He always was a funny-looking thing. 299 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,640 What?! Ken's bloody gorgeous. 300 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,520 Oh, don't defend him, Lorn, not while he's out there 301 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:38,800 stowing his tray table 302 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,760 and putting his seat-back in the upright position. 303 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,440 What?! With the air stewardess. 304 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,160 Right, forgot that. Yeah, screw him! 305 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,240 You could do a lot better, Lorna. 306 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,960 Maybe we should double date? Me and Dylan, you and... 307 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,640 Listen, Connie... 308 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,080 Hello, baby! Where have you been? 309 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,040 Come and dance with me. 310 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,320 Yeah, in a minute. Mum, quick word? 311 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,080 What's she still doing here?? 312 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,480 I couldn't do it, Dylan! You should be dumping your own girlfriends. 313 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,680 But she's YOUR friend! Exactly! 314 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,040 And I want to keep it that way, 315 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,760 so you better grow a pair and do the right thing - because I don't 316 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,240 have much wine left and I am not opening the good bottles. 317 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,560 Can't Dad dump her for me? No, he's left me. 318 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,120 Has he?! No. Sorry, Dylly, 319 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,200 I'm getting a bit mixed up, I've had some wine. 320 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,560 Look, let me teach you how to properly dump a woman. 321 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,920 First of all, be honest with her. 322 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,800 So you mean, tell her she's absolutely fucking mental? 323 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:46,120 No. Not that! Look, let me write it down for you. 324 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,800 Oh, my God. 325 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,520 If it's a boy, we should definitely call him Ken. 326 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,880 And if it's a girl... 327 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,160 Kenneth. 328 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,560 I dunno, I was thinking something more cool and Scandi. 329 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,760 What's the name of the woman from The Killing? Sarah. 330 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:08,800 No... 331 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,280 God, it's crazy, isn't it? 332 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,760 Just one drop of wee will decide our entire future. 333 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,120 Well, that's how we got here in the first place. 334 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,720 Dale, you do know it's not wee that...? 335 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:25,520 WHOA! Oh, it's a baby! It's a baby. 336 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:29,000 No, that line means it's negative. I'm not pregnant. 337 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,360 Are you OK? 338 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,800 Yeah. Yeah, I'm actually kind of relieved. 339 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,760 Kind of massively relieved. 340 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,800 Oh, it's just hitting me now, actually. 341 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,800 Can you imagine us with a baby?! Yeah! 342 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,000 And still living with my parents? No! 343 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,800 Fucking hell, Dale, I think we've just dodged a massive bullet here. 344 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,000 Yeah. It's like I've been given a last-minute pardon from the governor 345 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,920 and he's not going to strap me to a chair and inject me with motherhood. 346 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,240 No, he's not. 347 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,680 What are we talking about? 348 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,400 Three, two, one. 349 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,760 Bad news, Ken. It's over. 350 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,080 What? She was like a woman possessed. 351 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,440 Clothes all over the lawn, your history books on fire, 352 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,160 screaming that she never wanted to see 353 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,120 your genetically perfect arse ever again. 354 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,000 That doesn't sound like Lorna. 355 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:32,400 There was a man there too. A man?! What man? 356 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,280 Didn't catch his name. But he was squeezing her bottom. 357 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,720 What did he look like? 358 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,840 Like Wolf from Gladiators. But stronger. 359 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,160 Right, call Lorna, I want to speak to her now. 360 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,360 No, I think that would just make matters worse. 361 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:45,560 CALL HER! 362 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,120 OK. 363 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,560 Lorna! Steve Chance. 364 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,560 I've got Ken here, um... 365 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:57,960 What? 366 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,400 Whoa, slow down! Oh, she's angry, Ken. 367 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,320 T-Tell her I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 368 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,240 Ken says he's sorry. 369 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,040 What? What? What? 370 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,440 No, that's madness, Lorna! 371 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,280 What is? What's madness?! 372 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,840 You're not going to believe this, Ken. 373 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,840 She's saying you should move in with me. Forever. 374 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,560 Right, well, that's not going to happen. 375 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,880 Well, I don't think you've got much choice, Ken. 376 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,760 What's that, Lorna? Ah, yeah. She's reminding me I've got a hot tub 377 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,560 which I often fill with stout. OK. 378 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,320 Put her on speakerphone now! 379 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,880 No. No, I... PUT HER ON SPEAKERPHONE! 380 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,080 Fuck. 381 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,880 IN EFFEMINATE VOICE: It's over, Ken, and I'm taking the kids! 382 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,320 I could never love you the way Steve does! 383 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,640 IN NORMAL VOICE: Don't be hard on yourself, Lorna. 384 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,960 IN HIGHER VOICE: No, no, it's true! 385 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,080 He would make a much better partner than I ever would, 386 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,600 and I don't mean sexually. 387 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,120 But if it developed naturally... 388 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,600 KEN ROARS LOUDLY 389 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,440 Sorry, Ken. I got carried away. 390 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,280 Did you even speak to Lorna? 391 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,480 No. It's not my finest hour. 392 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:06,960 Did you want to speak to her? 393 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,160 I'm going home. 394 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,000 He'll call you back. 395 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,000 I'm so pleased you understand. 396 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,320 I mean, when you think about it, having a baby, 397 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,480 I mean, that is a massive responsibility. 398 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:27,840 Yeah, you're right. 399 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,040 And I wasn't prepared at all. 400 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,840 I mean, all I've been doing for the past two years is looking after Sid. 401 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,720 Yeah. 402 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,880 So how about this for a plan? 403 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,480 We go back to normal, 404 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,160 clock up some epic nights out to use up all our FOMO. 405 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,120 And we'll try for a baby some time in the future, you know, 406 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,720 when we're both ready. 407 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,040 Agreed. 408 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,160 So tonight? 409 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,000 Tonight?! 410 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,760 Sorry. Yeah, my bad, epic nights out first. 411 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,520 I mean, it could be next year. 412 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,600 Or, you know, a few. 413 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:01,840 Right, but within five. 414 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,600 Let's just live our lives, 415 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,680 be spontaneous and it'll happen when we're ready. 416 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,280 OK. Got it. 417 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,080 I should probably take this down, then. 418 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,120 Oh, my God. Dale. 419 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,840 I am so sorry, I had no idea you were this ready. 420 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:22,920 Yeah. 421 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:25,640 I was not this ready. 422 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,600 And actually this is a little intense. And this is my room 423 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,000 and I have to sleep in here. Where's my bed gone?! 424 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,280 Oh, my! This is so beautiful. 425 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,440 Does this mean that, erm...? 426 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,920 I need some space. 427 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:41,640 I should... 428 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,240 Rachel, I'm sorry. 429 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:55,520 Lorna, no offence, but your son is a total shit - 430 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,320 just like his father. 431 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,120 Oh, that's a shame - did it not work out? 432 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,200 Not only has he just dumped me, 433 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,600 but it was the most pathetic dumping ever. 434 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,240 Pathetic?! Don't you mean thoughtful and sensitive? 435 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,200 No. I bloody don't! 436 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,840 He said he wants to stay friends! 437 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,760 Well, that's nice, isn't it? 438 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,000 What do I want to be friends with a teenager for?! 439 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,800 He's, like, seven! 440 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,560 And the worst part of it is, 441 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,680 he was reading it all off a little bit of paper! 442 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,600 Right, well, he wasn't supposed to actually read it off the paper... 443 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,800 Christ! 444 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:33,240 Your family is toxic. I don't ever want to see a Thompson man again. 445 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,760 Connie, wait. 446 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,400 Lorna, I... 447 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,560 Connie? 448 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,000 Connie! One in the Thompsons! 449 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,520 I'll go get some ice. 450 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:45,920 Connie? 451 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,360 Steve. 452 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,480 Connie. 453 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,520 Steve. 454 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,760 Connie! 455 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,400 Why did you have to come back now? 456 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,280 Lorna! Lorna! Oh, I missed this! 457 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,080 Shove this on them! 458 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,320 Yeah. 459 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,360 Oh Christ! It's all right. 460 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:06,880 Just there! 461 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,240 Why, Lorna, why?! 462 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,080 "..but then the handsome prince slayed the evil dragon 463 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,760 "and saved all the villagers! 464 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:19,960 "And so the prince and his beautiful princess lived happily ever after." 465 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,840 Well, until the princess had a pregnancy scare 466 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,360 and needed some space. 467 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:31,160 But don't worry, Sid, the handsome prince knew exactly what to do.